Some commenters in the last post wondered where I came from. Others asked to have me kicked out. I guess that’s the Balloon Juice community’s way to ask for an introduction.
So, hi, I’m mistermix. I’m a friend of DougJ’s IRL, as the kids say. When he pastes a rant “from a friend” into one of his posts, chances are that it came from me. For example, I contributed this subtle encomium to Byron Dorgan, and this gentle suggestion that B-J stop linking to Politico.
Apparently because the word “fuck” hasn’t appeared on B-J with sufficient frequency, DougJ and John asked me to come on board, and I’m happy to be here. My day job is writing software and system administration. I’m toying with the idea of posting about technology every so often. Other than that, expect a few rants.
Just to this post isn’t entirely useless, head over to Google Maps and check out the new biking feature. It’s amazing — I’ve been riding the same bike commute to work for 10 years and it showed me a better way.
Mistermix, did you know that Google has a wonderful plan for your life?
Welcome aboard mistermix, and fuck you, also, too.
Nice tag, fuckin’ newbie.
@freelancer: What did you want, “Assholes”?
Welcome. The commenters have pretty much asked for every front-pager to be kicked out, at some point, including Cole. So, if I were you, I wouldn’t take it personally.
General Egali Tarian Stuck
I like your style and no asterisks in that f-bomb. Personally, I take it as a compliment when people want to ban or pie me. Hitherto, I get lots of compliments and cherish every one. :)
licensed to kill time
I really like reading tech posts, so post away on that subject!
Also, anyone who can write like this:
should fit right in at BJ ;-)
Welcome, mistermix. Never mind the bollocks. Many of us regulars quite appreciated DougJ’s “so my friend passed this along” guest posts; looking forward to more such insights. And more rants, plz.
Yeah, what’s up with that?
Well, if you’ve been biking to work for a decade in Rochester, you must be one tough sumbitch. Have they come up with an effective treatment for permafrost on one’s ass yet?
It was a joke, welcome.
When atrios first gave me the keys because he was embarking on another culinary tour of Europe, the immediate theme in the comment stream was “Who the fuck is Jay Ackroyd.”
mistermix: Actually, yeah, “Assholes” would have worked well. Also: “Blogospheric Navel-gazing” and, possibly, “KMBA”.
Why the fuck is there contact info for some front pagers and not others? I noticed this when Dennis G. came on board, but now the list at the top is short two posters.
So nothing to say on the clusterfuck idiocy of the advertising post, or did I miss it?
As a fellow software writer, yes to tech posts!! And welcome aboard.
@MikeJ: Probably the same reason the FAQ hasn’t had a question since September. Also, wasn’t someone supposed to be updating the site’s backend and design?
Yes please on the more tech comments! I’d love to see some EFF stuff start showing up on balloon-juice.
Also, because that small comment felt, for our purposes here, a little to strawberry shortcake, I just have to say, fuckin’ commenters. ;-)
I think you’re going to fit in just fine around here.
Can I rant just a little bit? Earlier I posted my pics from a health care rally in downtown Raleigh. It was encouraging because the teabaggers organized it to try to pressure Rep. Bob Etheridge, but the counter-protest brought 12, 15 times as many people. But one of the morans had a sign, don’t ask me what the fuck this is supposed to mean, which said “American Moms vs. Organizing for America / Whose side are you on?” (I yelled Moms for health care but it wasn’t really catchy enough for a chant, I guess.) Then today for some reason I’m perusing comments on Obama’s FB post about calling your reps, and a lady named Cindy writes the following:
Whose side are you on, teabagging moran? If there’s justice in this world or the next, Cindy would put you in a coma.
You and the other 99.4% of the commentors/posters here….
Yeah, what the fuck is up with that?
Jesus Fucking H. Christ. Fucking commenter who can’t fucking remember to fucking use the word “fuck” when it’s fucking called for fucking asks why there aren’t enough fucking “fucks” on fucking BJ.
Now you fucking know why.
(Nothing personal, SGEW, just couldn’t resist the setup.)
Mr. Mix, We also need to know the general part of the country you live in. It’s seems important to BJ’ers that everyone know where everyone else resides.
We promise not to put a flaming bag of dog pooh on your front porch. Really, we do.
@dr. bloor: I only bike when it’s nice out. Probably 8 months of the year on a good year. I’m not completely nuts.
@the rest of you: I’ll think about doing some tech posts, more on the politics of tech. I don’t want to upset the delicate ecosystem here, of course.
Which brings up the more important missing info from this introduction – what kind of pets do you have and where are their pictures?
Fine, tech posts, but not too many. I remember trying to get a video player to work and some of you guys were trying to help me diagnose why it was going all fluorescent orange and pink, and I believe I was mocked for providing some information I found on the back of my monitor. What I’m saying is I’m probably not going to get a lot of those posts. But, hey, geek on.
licensed to kill time
@JGabriel:You fucking forgot to add fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
And if you do find a flaming bag of dog poo on your front porch, DougJ did it.
@MattR: One pet, a Bichon Frisee (the real man’s dog).
First dog we’ve ever had, and a lot of fun. I’ll post a pic next time there’s a dog blogging spree here.
I just have this odd urge to try to trick him into pronouncing his names backwards if only to see if it causes him to dissappear back into the 5th dimesnion.
After the Kucinish-punching this morning, I’d say you have not achieved your desired end. :)
So fucking nice to fucking have you aboard. A hearty “fuck you and welcome.”
As for the fucking idiots wanting you banned, fuck them.
So, mistermix, I’d like to know your position on the Fair Tax.
@JGabriel: Honestly, I first wrote it as “what the fuck,” but felt that it was too obvious and easy a joke (I do try to instill a li’l subtlety ’round these parts, sometimes, lord knows why). Besides, it’s a (somewhat) sincere question: why the relative downturn in good ol’ expletives on the front page, recently? Is it a reaction to the increased page views? Lily’s kind-hearted influence? Part of the SorosCommuLibSocialFascist conspiracy requirements? Or just happenstance?
The internet needs its salty sailors, you know (tho’ B-J clings to the #1 google hit for “skull fuck a kitten,” so we still have that).
[ETA: A former roommate of mine had a Bichon Frise (she called it her “bitching freeze”), and I loved, loved, loved that dog. So you’re ok in my book.]
I tried the google-bike thing, and it still has decent bugs.
there is a ‘trail’ that goes through the heart of San Francisco, and google bike maps thinks it’s a legitimate way to travel.
I am so excited about Google adding bike paths to the map function. I’ve plotted out a 20 mile route home from work that keeps me off city streets for 3/4 of the way. I can’t wait for daylight savings so I can start commuting by bike again.
Any relation to DJ Mr. Mixx from 2 Live Crew?
Maybe John should start a swear jar for worthy causes.
Hiya, mistermix, fuck you!
Did I mention this particular teabagging moran was a man? Who the fuck told him that this sign would be like a dagger in the heart of the opposition? Why not just one of those damn snake flags like the others?
@MobiusKlein: It figured out that the Erie Canal was a trail and routed me over that for a couple of test rides in the Rochester area, so I was impressed. YMMV, of course.
@arguingwithsignposts: That was tongue in cheek. The commenting community here is pretty resilient.
I’m only an occasional commenter, but good to hear from another Frozen North bike commuter. I live in VT and bike commuted for a whole winter to see if I could do it. Studded tires, the whole deal, and one thing you really can’t appreciate before you try it is just how badly the salt destroys the drive train, not to mention everything else. There’s only so much Pedro’s and Boeshield you can put on a bike.
Think I wore out two chains and a cassette in about 4 months. So yeah, now I only ride my bike to work in the winter on nice days.
You and the other 99.4% of the commentors/posters here….
That’s not true. Many of us are hardware/sysadmin types.
Wasn’t there some news this week on Net neut? I seem to recall seeing something about the FCC at the WH blog.
The Google bike bugs should get sorted out. I plotted a route for a friend to take to work and, as I looked at the images during the trip, it would take him through three locked gates.
@L Boom: I admire people who can bike all winter. Living in MInnesota, I just can’t do it. Oh, other people here can, because I see them all the time, bundled up to the eyeballs, but I’m a wimp and can’t bear the cold or the sheer terror of dodging city traffic after dark.
The new biking feature on Google Maps leaves a lot to be desired. The bike route it gives from northern Calvert County, MD, where I live, to the Suitland Federal Center, where I work, is straight up Route 4 – a four-to-six-lane road where cars whiz by at 75 mph. And there are sizable portions of that route where bikes are banned anyway.
Until Google Maps’ bicycle feature doesn’t put one on high-speed highways, it’s not very useful.
@MikeJ: Are you thinking of this:
The new FCC commish went medieval on the asses of ISPs. This is one huge thing about Obama that isn’t remarked on — his FCC is much better than Bush’s, which was run by Colin Powell’s son.
> > You and the other 99.4% of the commentors/posters here….
> That’s not true. Many of us are hardware/sysadmin types.
Some of us are all the above. :-) More tech posts, especially search engine stuff. And a hearty welcoming cójale, 与您性交, baisez-vous, bumsen Sie Sie, scopilo, 性交しなさい, foda-o, and 당신을 성교하십시오 to you…
@everyone complaining about Gmaps:
There’s a link to report bad routes. It doesn’t go to the comment page of this post, so I’m guessing you’re not using it.
@MobiusKlein: Is that the “Barbary Coast Trail”? Not so good for bikes.
Google Maps also plots some routes down gravel roads. But still–pretty damn good for beta.
@mistermix: Let that fucking spree begin.
Welcome! Observe that the Dawn Johnsen link from last week was to Politico, of all places!
(Pitt-ND game to be watched away from computer)
(That Dorgan post was very good)
What? Did he say “bitchin’ frisbee’?
Frisbees, bitchin’ or not, ain’t no dog nohow.
Fuck that. Also. Too.
Awww, that is one happy puppy! :-)
Now that’s a sentence that will get me to click on the picture.
@mistermix: That was probably it, among other things. Here’s the WH blog entry:
Ahhh. Welcome. You will fit right in here.
Poetry. Sheer fuckin’ poetry.
In my younger days, I rode in the winter but not if it was below 20 (any colder and it just wasn’t enjoyable) and not if the roads weren’t plowed to full width. I didn’t like dealing with the hate coming off car drivers when they had to vary their habits to get around you.
All the snow this year has made for very narrow city streets. I find that it kind of pisses me off too if rush hour traffic comes to a crawl because someone is riding their bike down the middle of the lane in a snowstorm.
Mistermix, we still haven’t heard where you live. The paper bag is starting to get too soggy to light.
Already did a bicycling bad route report this morning. And in the proper spirit,
Thankfuck you very much.
@debit: It was actually pretty damn fun, and there were some really amazing nights riding home in the dark when it was snowing and the streets were empty. Felt very post-apocalyptic.
On the other hand, things you don’t really appreciate until you try it in single-digit weather: ice cream headaches going down long hills, days so cold your fingers and toes stay numb on long climbs, and the (thankfully rare) big patch of black ice that puts you on your ass before you know what’s happening.
So pretty fun, but I have to say I’m enjoying this weather lately. Been an amazing spring so far, and I’ve had a few days where I can ski all morning then go for a bike ride in the afternoon.
Word. I couldn’t believe how fast you go down on ice. It’s not like falling over, you just go straight down when the bike shoots out from under you. It hurts.
They’re just testing your mettle… welcome the fuck aboard, add me to the list of those who like your style.
@low-tech cyclist: Yeah, I just checked it out for going from my part of the Philadelphia burbs to Center City. Took me straight down a road I don’t even like to drive on (Baltimore Ave).
The route from closer in, the 69th Street terminal in West Philly, was more plausible. It takes me down Spruce Street, several blocks south of my usual route down Chestnut St. I’m not sure if that’s an improvement or not. Chestnut is fine. There are lots of cars, but the traffic doesn’t move that fast and more or less respects bikes. Biggest issue is getting stuck behind a bus.
Also noticed that it gave me a time estimate of 33 minutes for a trip which I’m pretty sure is only a little over 20, and I’m not a kick-ass high-speed biker.
Yeah, nobody has to tell me about what winter does to a bike drivetrain. I actually broke a chain earlier this week, and even after some scrubbin’ and lubin’ and lovin’ and a brand new chain, my cassette and jockey wheels aren’t playing nice with the derailer.
Environment Canada says winter is over (which means we are now starting our other official season, “patio”), so I’d like to welcome mistermix with an appropriate seasonal song. Fuckin’ eh! Note: includes raw language in English and ASL. This may be a feature or a bug, your call. And you really should check out CaptainValor’s YT channel for more.
@Betsy: Yep. Me, too!
mistermix, fuck you! We don’t tolerate swearing in this here blog! Welcome. I think you’ll be just fine here.
@gbear: Yeah, it was really pretty shocking – it happens so fast you don’t even have time to process it, let alone brace yourself for a fall. Ended up with a dinner plate-sized bruise on my hip as part of the deal.
The ice cream headaches were the thing that really got me, though. I had a long hill to go down from where I was living, so on the super-cold days the front part of my brain would start freezing and I couldn’t take even take my hands off the bars to do that palm-hard-to-forehead thing that’s instinctive when you get one. Those were the real “You know, self, you’re a complete fucking moron for doing this” moments.
Edit: Glad I was able to drop an f-bomb in there this time. Forgot on the last one.
L Boom, how cold was it getting for you? I was out for 30-40 minutes at a time at -15C, plus windchill, and didn’t get those headaches. I just got really slow. The cold wasn’t bad — you can dress for it — but the wind killed me.
My worst fall was on wet train tracks in the summer. They slanted across the road at a 45 degree angle, and I didn’t change my path to cross at right angles.
Big mistake, and yeah, you fall FAST and are on the ground before you knew it. Got a new helmet out of that, a tiny scratch on one temple (it beat the alternative, for sure) and an impressive hip bruise.
@Comrade Mary: The headaches really didn’t happen too too often, and usually only around -17 to -20 Celsius (() to -5 Fahrenheit). But man, when they did hit … ouch.
And yeah, I’m always very wary of railroad tracks. I had a serious crash on one that toasted a rear wheel and left me a bit battered and bruised. No fun at all.
I can’t believe that you and I were the only ones immature enough to snicker about that.
“Kids”? I’ve been using that acronym for 20 years. It dates back to BBS days.
Get off my lawn!
What the fuck is wrong with this place? DougJ spent years of spoof-trolling before he earned a top spot. Now Dennis G and mistermix just waltz right in without so much as a by-your-fucking-leave. What is this place turning into, a fucking refugee camp for traumatized Kossaks? Might as well change the motto from “consistently wrong” to “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning for top posting privileges” and put up a fucking statue with a tablet and a torch as a lamp-post for all the rabble to find their way here ..[grumble, grumble].. there goes the neighborhood, goddamm fucking swamp Yankees .. [mutter, mutter].
/just kidding. I’m just fucking w/ ya.
I commuted on a bike when people could not understand anything with two wheels except for a Harley. It was 7 mile round trip with a huge hill. The street I peddled on (Ha, Ha) was pitch dark. A herding dog came up by my left foot and scared the bejesus out of me.
It was awful in the winter.
Plz do tech info. I live in a Third World Hellhole. I have a hand crank telephone.
And onthe porch, cat poo, also.
@mistermix: So you’re the one who loaned DougJ the pair of crankypants he had on yesterday!
Do y’all have tickle fights to see who gets to wear them on alternating days?
Mistermix, if you need some help I can state quite confidently that I say fuck quite a lot. Often with zero provocation. I will henceforth endeavor to drop an F-bomb into every B-J comment I make, whether it’s warranted or not.
Especially if it’s not.
I just got scolded on GOS for saying that someone was a fucking liar on the basis that, apparently, the thread in question was meant to be “family-friendly.” I take that as a badge of accomplishment.
You had me at fuck. Welcome aboard.
@Corner Stone: I’m not responsible — it was probably a hangover.
Great, more insider-y tech-y posts from fucking geeks who blog. That’s just what we need, more goddamned unintelligible gobbledeegook about shit only serious fucking nerds know or care about.
Say, Tech4Obama, did you know that the latest sy-nox now comes with its own user interface and corresponding whizzle-gong? The thing is awesome and when I re-program my nozinky battery felt chrome streudel, I can talk to Cole, Doug and the people from Mars all at the same time!
Just fucking kill me now.
so you’re up in Ra-cha-cha, too? Heard there was a little aviation excitement today.
We lived there for three years many moons ago…
@HumboldtBlue: Wow, is that really true? I was holding off on buying a chrome streudel, but I think I’ll get one now.
As long as there’s no “snorkeling” involved.
Dear new guy, you are like a bug light to the crazies. Usually, Balloon Juice is the only place where you can actually read comments without fearing that you are losing brain cells. However, on your earlier entry, you drew out all sorts of crazy people and not the fun ones like B.o.B.
Oh, and one other motherfucking thing … the only thing worse than reading techies write about tech-shit is reading bicycle riding techies write about tech-shit in addition to to bike riding shit as if writing code and peddling your ass off like a mad hamster were of interest to anyone who has actually gotten laid in real life.
Welcome, again, since I read your welcome screed. So far, I’ve enjoyed what you’ve written. And now, in typical BJ fashion, GTFO, Fawker.
Can you fix my dll issues?
flavored coffee lover
if we are talkin’ about techies, I wanna give a shout out to the software testers, w00t!
While low-tech’s criticisms are probably quite valid, this link is still an excellent contribution. So, thanks!
@HumboldtBlue: How ’bout if some georgraphoid techies chime in? Because you do not want to get me started on NavTeq, routing algorithms, teh Goog, crowd sourcing centerline datasets and beta rollouts. A good full-on rant on the above is far more satisfying than what passes for a lot of peoples’ real lives.
Just Some Fuckhead
Someone wants to know if you are a FRIEND or just a friend of DougJ’s as it’s widely known DougJ is super duper gay. But I don’t care. I just brought it up in case you wanted to address it to someone who is no doubt reading this right now thinking, I can’t believe he asked.. now dooooooo tell, Mister..
You just made my night.
@low-tech cyclist: Until Google Maps’ bicycle feature doesn’t put one on high-speed highways, it’s not very useful.
Goggle is like the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead.
When it’s good, it’s very, very good.
When it’s bad, it’s horrid.
Also…sometimes GIYF and sometimes it’s not.
Well, there is that school of thought.
Had an encounter like that when I was 17, in Bloomington, IN. That was before bike helmets existed. Woke up in the hospital with a concussion and 13 stitches in my upper lip. Lucky that someone pulled me off the tracks before the train went by.
Do you know who else said ‘fuck’?…
Wow, 90+ comments before the Godwin!
@Origuy: Gah! That’s pretty awful (and could have been more awful, with the train and all). Falling hard and fast on metal will do nasty stuff to your head and face. So even though I look like a dork with my helmet, and even though it doesn’t exactly go with summer dresses, I’m not too sorry I wear one.
@Just Some Fuckhead:
They aren’t gay. They are just old Navy buddies.
Just a couple of salty dogs.
@mistermix: Wimp. I don’t bike… ’cause I walk, but I have lots of friends who bike year round… and I’m in Kingston.
Yeah, that Kingston. As for the poofs who complain about Rochester, good lord, get some stones. It’s just a little cold weather.
Oh yeah, and for the rest of you, George Carlin was an amateur. This is not a surprise… as smart as he was, he was still a Yank. The sentence with the highest fuck density is NOT “Fuck the fucking fuckers” but “Fucking fucker’s fucking fucked.”
Just Some Fuckhead
@DonBelacquaDelPurgatorio: Tickle fighters???
Yeah, just what we need, another mainstream demobamabot former-Massa Village Person cum computer hippie puncher. All the varieties of blue pills.
@Just Some Fuckhead:
For some reason the phrase “periscope depth” is in my thoughts …..
… so, mistermix, you shit on Byron Dorgan, and then this morning, as an introduction to your blogging on this site, you shit on Kucinich in a pretty nasty way. As a liberal/progressive, I’m not your biggest fan. (your aggressive, dickish attitude doesn’t help much).
On the plus side, you bike.
what a delicate flower.
General Egali Tarian Stuck
IVe been an unwavering fan of Dennis Kucinich ever since I learned he saw a UFO with his very own eyes. Because so did I years ago hovering over a lake one night while I was taking a whiz. I had imbibed some magic mushrooms earlier, but that only put my on the right wavelength fer sure. It was silent and had flashing blue and green lights, and glided over the water with grace.
My one and only Kos diary was on the subject and my affinity with Dennis the Menace, and did not receive rave reviews from the GOS natives/ wankers/ What kind of hippies don’t believe, I ask you?
West of the Cascades
Bikers beware! If you live in Portland (Cyclevana West), the Google bike map has decidedly mixed reviews — http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/03/portland_gives_googles_new_bik.html — gave a very weird route for the example they tried.
A much older and well-tested bike mapping tool is http://www.bycycle.org — although unmaintained since May 2007, it’s still surprisingly accurate and overlays the official (at least at the time) Portland city bike map. Sadly, it’s only available for Portland and Milwaukee, WI. And I’m afraid the inevitable monopolistic pressure from Google will eventually kill this for good.
DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)
I am of the opinion that the word ‘fuck’ is under appreciated as a sentence seasoning and as a result of this it is not used as frequently as it should be. Therefore I have committed myself to the cause of injecting it into every conversation I can.
Let me water the fucking flower.
I’m sorry, our other official season besides winter is “road construction and repair season”.
@General Egali Tarian Stuck:
LOL TAKE THAT HIPPIES!!!1
Ooh, now do the one where you trash Obama and virtually every elected Democrat in the country for professing a craaaazy belief in a magical sky god who’s into S&M and cannibalism and is gonna return any day now to establish a kingdom of heaven and throw sinners into a lake of fire! Hilarious.
Bill In OH
My results were a little different than LTC’s. I had it plot a route from home to work (suburban to downtown Cleveland), and I found the opposite effect. It was taking me down a very confusing and roundabout way, seemingly in order to avoid busy streets. Less dangerous, certainly, but a lot more time and effort (not that effort is a bad thing when cycling). If they get some of the kinks out of it though, it will be quite useful.