Colbert mocks Glenn Beck’s advertisers:
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“Yes. A crisis garden. When the end times come and you’re tilling the earth with a human femur, while the sky is raining fire, you’re gonna want a reliable source of radicchio and mini-squash.”
Classic.
rob!
I’m all for small government, but the FBI REALLY needs to track whoever is insane enough to fall for this, and sterilize them. They’re simply too stupid to be allowed to reproduce.
cmorenc
So non-hybrid seeds are the new “precious bodily fluids” which must remain uncorrupted?
Scott
@rob!:
Oh god, no. We need to encourage more of this. The sooner wingnuts go stark raving broke on over-priced seed packets, sending salt to Maine congressmen, and buying Jebidiah the Screaming Hillbilly a new barbecue grill to replace the one knocked over by wind, the better for all of us.
beltane
I’m glad Colbert is on top of this because it would be a tragedy to let such a primo display of American paranoia go to waste. But maybe these ads will get the teabaggers eat more veggies; it sure looks like they could use it.
When the End Times come and these people come looking to borrow my rototiller, I think I’ll force them to become my sharecroppers.
Xenos
If Monsanto survives the end times and catches you surviving on their intellectual property they will be very, very, angry.
Otherwise, ‘non-hybrid’ may be some sort of dogwhistle for racially pure foods for racially pure survivalists. If you were a really hard core gardener you could be raising pure stocks and hybridizing your own food-supply seeds if it helped in some way.
Surviving the end-times sounds like way too much work.
beltane
@cmorenc: There must be some wise-guy hippie behind all of this. Open-pollinated seeds have long been a cause celebre among the co-op crowd.
Xenos
@beltane: In that case you will need the new Ronco Bio-diesel rototiller (also runs on rendered fat), only $25,000 plus shipping… call now and you can get the alternate power system attachment that runs on depleted uranium, absolutely FREE (shipping charges may apply).
rob!
@Scott: I agree–let them buy all the “Crisis seeds” and hardcover Glenn Beck books (a steal at only $34.99!) they want. I LOVE the idea of GB and his advertisers bilking these idiots for everything they’ve got.
I just don’t want them reproducing and creating a new generation of homophobic, brain dead morons who will say to themselves, “You know, this Jenna Bush character should be President!”
Wag
It’s only a short leap from Hybrid Seeds to Hybrid (mixed race) Humans. The Master Seeds must remain pure, or the Master Race will falter.
Plus, hybrid seeds are the seeds of evolutionary change, and we know where evolution will lead you… into the gaping maw of the FSM.
Emma
Actually, there is a point here — many, many large seed producers have started to produce seeds tha produce genetically sterile plants.. By making their seeds genetically sterile, seed companies can prevent farmers from saving and replanting proprietary seeds, so farmers have to buy seed every year.
HOWEVER, you can get non-genetically modified seeds almost everywhere: Baker Seeds and Eden Brothers being two of the best. And they don’t cost as much.
Weyland Yutani
We’re still hard at work on an Alien-human hybrid.
Napoleon
Speaking of Beck this take on his show with Massa is great:
http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1970982,00.html
H/T TNR:
http://www.tnr.com/blog/jonathan-chait/the-best-thing-youll-read-massa-v-beck
Mumphrey
I swear, Glenn Beck needs to be put away somewhere where he won’t hurt himself or anybody else. The guy is badly disturbed. Maybe he needs lithium; maybe he needs something else. But he’s insane. Rush Limbaugh knows what he’s doing, and when he goes off on one of his paranoid conspiracy rants, I don’t think he really believes it. Beck does. We’re going to wake up one morning and read that for the last 3 years he’s been stocking his fallout shelter with human skulls or something…
Nylund
How is a crisis garden with non-hybrid seeds all that different from the organic White House garden these same wingnuts routinely mock our First Lady for maintaining?
cmorenc
As tempting as it is to regard Beck as a hilariously unintentional self-caricature of a paranoid political neandrethal, it’s much scarier to realize how many idiots there are around the country who take this bozo as a serious prophet, analyst, and even leader.
Lolis
Well this fits right in with the Mormon audience watching and cheering Beck on. My dad was raised Mormon and spent his youth building a bomb shelter in the back yard. My dad still has hording tendencies which my mother mocks. He has about a three month supply of food and water in the house. Growing up, he would talk about how we could use our swimming pool to drink if anything bad happened. Btw, my dad is a big Obama supporter so this has nothing to do with politics. It is just a weird Mormon cultural thing for him.
debbie
I listened to Beck for an hour yesterday to see how he spun the Massa appearance. In between all the ads for non-hybrid seeds, gold bullion, and gun shows, there wasn’t a single acknowledgment from Beck that he himself had been wrong. He apologized for having wasted his audience’s time, but not for the fact that he’d totally misread the situation. No dent on his infallibility!
This is the same guy who insists he doesn’t know anything more than any of his listeners, yet he presumes to run a series of 8-hour lectures on the future of this country. I don’t understand how he gets such traction.
Napoleon
@Lolis:
Serious question, why would anyone think a Mormon would be any more likely to do that then anyone else?
Paul L.
Looks like Colbert lied (according to Bradblog standards) at 2:25
Can someone point to the charge of wiretapping in the FBI affidavit?
Phyllis
Another example of wingnut cognitive dissonance. They’re all preparing to be prepared for the end times-and they believe in the rapture. If you’re gonna be raptured up, why do you need an end times garden?
Or could it be their Christian goodness and they’re leaving it behind for us heathens?
satby
Seriously, I would have Colbert’s babies. I love that man.
EEH
Sort of reminds me of those companies that were selling a year’s supply of freeze-dried food for astounding amounts of money in the run up to Y2K.
Brent
@Napoleon:
I grew up in an apocolypic fundamentalist cult so I know this mentality well. As another poster pointed out tho, the one I was cursed to belong to did not believe in taking precaution or making preperations for survival as they assumed they would be among the “first fruits,” or “overcomers.” As a kid I marched around on college campuses and public parks with banners portending the end of the world. Good times. Don’t know for sure, but I would imagine those belonging to the mormon cult believe in end times preparedness.
EEH
@Napoleon: Because food storage is something that Mormons have been practicing for years and years.
Xenos
@Paul L.: arrest /= affidavit in support of a charging document.
By the standard of honesty you employ here, you lie every single time you open your mouth, as to speak implies an assertion that you have any knowledge about what you are talking about.
Paul L.
@Xenos:
So how did Andrew Breitbart get MSNBC and the Washington Post to retract “Watergate Jr.”?
Even progressive nitwit Marcy Wheeler at Firedoglake is not using that excuse.
monkeyboy
From the site Survival Seed Bank:
psychobroad
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–Stephen Colbert is God.
slag
And Glenn Beck’s advertisers mock Glenn Beck’s audience.
That clip was hilariously illuminating.
minachica
@Napoleon: Mormon wives are encouraged to: 25) Keep at least a years’ worth of food storage, preferably 2 years, along with wheat and a grinder.
Andy
@Xenos:
It’s not a “dogwhistle” when it’s explained right there on the company’s website:
Like Phyllis, what’s not clear to me is who’s going to be harvesting and eating the crop, since the original purchasers are gonna get Raptured outta here anyway.
trollhattan
@ Paul L
You haven’t yet connected this travesty (there is a travesty somewhere, right? ’cause I’m not seeing one) to the Duke Lacrosse team. Are you feeling okay?
Brett
That doesn’t surprise me – the LDS leadership encourages its members to store a decent supply of food and the like (my family’s LDS too, although I’m not). It’s not a bad thing, really, as long as it doesn’t lead to a paranoid mentality.
Brett
Crap, it’s not letting me edit. To add-
I think the idea of having some fertile seeds in bank just in case is a good one. Of course, if we get a mass collapse, you’re going to have to worry about more than just not having seeds – once the networks supplying modern fertilizers and the like which make current agricultural yields get disrupted (assuming we get The End of the World As We Know It), your crop yields are going to plummet unless you more or less already have a full family farm complete with pooping animals.
JMC in the ATL
Clearly non-hybrid seeds have escaped hundreds of years of human interference in their biological self-determination and are thus more Godly. Gregor Mendel was obviously the Hand of Satan disguised as a priest.
Next up: Convincing rubes that shelter mutts are non-hybrid dogs worth spending up to $5000 to take in, since Dog is backwards for God, and therefore breeding for selective characteristics is subverting God’s design and directly insulting God’s handiwork as Not Good Enough. So when the rapture comes, all of those purebreed dogs will be Left Behind, while your Guaranteed Non-Hybrid Dog will ascend with you and be your companion forever and ever, amen.
(Note: all my animals are shelter animals. I just think its the next logical step. and think of how many more shelter spots there would be if you could get the citizens of Beckistan to pony up 5K a pop.)
chopper
@Paul L.:
oh noes! colbert made a mistake! wow, you really got the liberals this time. we woulda got away with it too, if it wasn’t for you meddling right-wing retards.
chopper
@cmorenc:
its funny, you can get a similar product from territorial seeds for 80 bucks. 27 veggie seed packets, 2 herb and 1 sunflower seed. all manner of varieties, all open-pollinated.
still a bit hefty, but way better than this ripoff.
chopper
@Brent:
you need to elaborate on this story.
The Grand Panjandrum
As much as I enjoy Jon Stewart, Colbert is the real comedic genius on that network.
BongCrosby
@Weyland Yutani:
There are times when I wish Balloon Juice had the LGF “ding” feature. :-)
slippy
@Mumphrey: Beck has known mental issues and is reportedly on medication — or supposed to be.
Before that he self-medicated with weed and coke like most other white Americans do with impunity and never get charged with a crime or anyting.
Xenos
@Paul L.: You could not be more stupid. O’Keefe et al. were arrested for trespassing, and for attempted wiretapping. When it was time to charge them in court the wiretapping was dropped, other charges were added.
So while one can say they were never charged for wiretapping, it is also perfectly correct to say they were arrested for it. Maybe a bit misleading, but correct. More correct than you running around teh internets calling everybody a liar.
David
If you’re gonna be raptured up, why do you need an end times garden?
Because there’s a chance that God saw what you were doing in that airport bathroom.
Wile E. Quixote
Jesus H. fucking Christ. How many fucking times do I have to say this? Paul L. is a pathetic, link-trolling piece of shit. If you want Paul to go away then redirect his blog link to ActBlue or something. As soon as the whiny little punk-ass bitch stops getting hits from unwary juicers the sooner he’ll go away. Paul is like roaches and other vermin, remove the food source and you remove the vermin.
Josh Huaco
When future historians write about this decade and how this nation kept its sanity and turned back yet another Dixie Bible Teabag Insurgency, they should devote some attention to Mr. Colbert. God bless you, sir.
Rod Majors
I’ve been seeing ads from these seed hucksters on Drudge off and on for a while now. I’m only surprised it took somebody this long to start mocking such an easy target.
mapaghimagsik
I was contacted by a gold retailer, from whom I had purchased gold (numismatic coins) before. They explained to me that in less than six months, the dollar was going to collapse and we’d be using Ameri-Eruos.
All the dogwhistles were there — Obama, Hillary, Nancy Pelosi. I did remind them that I had talked to them listening to Air America, and that they needed to cater to the other end of paranoid fears. The salesperson didn’t get it, and continued on the fearful tirade about how the end was nigh, and that if I didn’t buy gold *right then* I would be begging in the streets.
I laughed at them and told them to call me in a few months because they made me happy — that I wasn’t *that* crazy.
nwithers
@Brett:
They already have one. The Svalbard Global Seed Vault which was used to inflame paranoia in the original commercial. It’s main purpose is to maintain global biodiversity for seed crops.
Paul L.
Care to provide a link proving that?