Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Giving in to doom is how authoritarians win.

Come on, man.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

the 10% who apparently lack object permanence

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

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Reader Interactions

86Comments

  4. 4.

    BDeevDad

    My wife uses this app for all her ringtones… Our son is a Star Wars fanatic and she cannot help but indulge him.

  12. 12.

    jacy

    My sweetie has the Star Wars Imperial March as a personalized ring tone when I call him. I find that….odd.

    Anyway — work is done, S/O and kids off to camping for the weekend, time to break out the adult beverages.

    Cheers!

  13. 13.

    BDeevDad

    My wife uses this app for all her ringtones… Our son is a Star Wars fanatic and she cannot help but indulge him. She uses Darth Vader saying,

    Luke I am your father.

    for her Dad.

  17. 17.

    Violet

    When this whole health care thing is done and voted on, I want a list of Democrats who voted No. And then I will donate to anyone who is primarying them. They deserve to pay for their votes.

  18. 18.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    I can’t keep up with the rest of the front pagers,

    Everything is complete chaos on BJ. IOW’s Normal.

  19. 19.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Menzies: You can also use Audacity (audacity.sourceforge.net), which is a free program that will do sound editing: available for windows and mac. A bit more cludgy than SoundBooth, GarageBand or similar programs, but should do the trick.

  20. 20.

    Violet

    I was somewhere the other day when a guy’s phone rang and it was the Geico ringtone. Thought of you, John Cole. Cracked me right up.

  22. 22.

    AhabTRuler

    @John Cole: No, I know, I could do the same thing, anything strictly two-track is a snap.

    But I already took care of the Photoshop heavy lifting…

    I should also say:

    I’ve just done so much of this it will take fifteen seconds.

    Famous last words, soldier!

    @freelancer: And ruling is mine!

    XD

  23. 23.

    BDeevDad

    @John Cole: if it’s an Android phone, there is an app for all sorts of Star Wars sounds. My wife uses it for all of hers… Our son is a Star Wars fanatic and she cannot help but indulge him. Her father’s calls say,

    Luke, I am your father.

  25. 25.

    Josie

    I am ready to stop thinking about politics for a while. Busy finishing and packaging my soap and balms for the farmer’s market tomorrow. Hopefully, we have a good crowd and I can make enough to pay some of my bills. I think a glass of wine is in order while I work and maybe some basketball. I use my phone only to talk to my kids, so I am in awe of people who can program stuff and do ringtones.

  27. 27.

    Keith G

    I can’t keep up with the rest of the front pagers

    This new line up is murder. I go a way for a bit and five posts go up. Come home from work and it’s like War and Peace.

    And believe me, I love it. FWIW.

  29. 29.

    RedKitten

    Wiped out tonight. We were going to drive to Halifax to see Henry Rollins, but himself got stuck working late. We could have made it on time, if we’d driven like bats out of hell (we’re two hours away), but what fun is that to drive like mad, arrive at the last second, plunk into our seats, see the show, and then leave again right away to drive home? So, we bailed, which is sad. But when we found ourselves yawning at 7:30pm, we knew that it was for the best — we would have been utterly useless tonight.

  30. 30.

    PeakVT

    Does anyone do much time-lapse photography? I’ve been playing with Chronolapse+webcam on my PC, and gphoto+Powershot A95 on a *nix box. Both work, though they are somewhat kludgy. Any tips or suggestions?

  31. 31.

    Violet

    @RedKitten:
    Saw him a few years ago in a dingy venue in a bad part of town. Good show. Very, very loud. He’s very intense. Very.

    Sorry you’re missing him, but you made the right call. Don’t want to be driving when you’re that tired.

  32. 32.

    Menzies

    @John Cole:

    Thanks for the offer. If I can’t get it any other way I’ll let you know – I can’t access the “Contact Us” links along the side without getting referred to Apple Mail, which I refuse to use.

    Other than just cut it down, do I need to do anything special to make it usable as a ringtone?

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Very true. I completely forgot about Audacity; installing it as we speak and I’ll see if it works.

    @pretty much everyone:

    Yeah, I’ve been trying to simultaneously catch up with the previous pages and the front stuff. Not proving easy.

  33. 33.

    jacy

    @RedKitten:

    Aw, you’ve come to the point where you begin to realize that once you become parents, regardless of how wondrous it is, it’s the beginning of the end……

  34. 34.

    SIA

    Sitting on the screened porch in the accepted southern fashion. Just had a massage that got rid of the computer knots. Client asked me to call, did so and got their voice mail. Mr Angel sitting with me in the zen manner he has. HCR prolly gonna pass. Not bad, not bad at all. Thank you FSM.

  37. 37.

    JGabriel

    John Cole:

    Just edited the Darth Vader entrance theme down to a ringtone for my dad.

    I’m suddenly reminded that HR Giger once said that the monster from Alien was modeled after his mother.

    Are you planning to use Alien theme music for your mom’s ringtone?

    .

  39. 39.

    Clutch414

    Ringy-ding-ding-ding-doh!

    Love my new Geico ringtone! My wife? Not so much. Thanks for the inspiration, Cole.

    BTW, I asked this in another Open Thread a couple of nights ago:

    Have you been able to get into Mass Effect 2?

  40. 40.

    Annie

    Just came back from Happy Hour with my students. After one glass of wine, I almost feel asleep ON the bar, while my students were just getting started, already planning all the bars they will visit tonight before stopping for a late night dinner.

    God, I feel old….

  44. 44.

    slag

    Just edited the Darth Vader entrance theme down to a ringtone for my dad.

    Now I totally get the resemblance between you and Luke Skywalker. Luke lost a hand in mortal combat against a universal evil empire. And you shattered your shoulder carrying your dog over a patch of ice. It all makes sense…the connections!

  46. 46.

    RedKitten

    @jacy: Nah. We’ve just realized that weekday concerts that are more than an hour away are going to be off the table for awhile. We’re not dead yet, though. We saw Blondie when Sam was a couple of months old. This was on a Saturday evening, though.

  47. 47.

    burnspbesq

    Hey John,

    If you want to move beyond Beethoven in your exploration of symphonies, all of the SF Symphony/Tilson Thomas recordings of the Mahler symphonies are now available on hdtracks.com

  48. 48.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    @Annie:

    God, I feel old….

    LOL, I imagine that is an occupational hazard for college teachers. I have my memories to recall when I want to, you have them foisted in real time. That said, I do miss the Friday happy hour at the local student watering hole. Especially in grad school in Bozeman, MT, we’d high tail it to Rose’s Cantina for quarter beers in 12 oz. dixie cups. A bunch of got drunk with Marlon Brando one time who would pass through now and again. Crazy fucker with a buzz on.

  49. 49.

    Clutch414

    @John Cole: Sweet! ME2 has supplanted the first KOTOR as my favorite RPG of all time. I also love how they improved the combat and streamlined the clunky-as-all-hell inventory system from the first one. I’m currently on my third palythrough. First was as a Soldier, second was as an Infiltrator, current is as a Vanguard. I think I enjoyed the Infitrator playthough the best.

    Hope the move is going smooth. Mrs. Clutch and I went through the “big move” little over three years ago. It sucks, but a post-move keg party for those who help out always helps keep morale “high”.

    Glad to hear the shoulder is feeling better.

  50. 50.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Annie:

    Just came back from Happy Hour with my students. After one glass of wine, I almost feel asleep ON the bar, while my students were just getting started, already planning all the bars they will visit tonight before stopping for a late night dinner.

    I never remember the words “Bar Crawl” or “Beer Pong” from when I was in school so many years ago. I have learned a whole new vocabulary.

  51. 51.

    Annie

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:

    The sad thing is I don’t remember getting older. When did this all happen??? Half of me wanted to suck it up and follow the crowd — while ALL of me wanted to come home to a quiet night with the cats…

    I have this fear that in a few more years I will become one of those old ladies, living with 300 cats, dressed in a bathrobe and slippers, sucking down wine from a bottle. And, the neighbors will point to my house and tell all the little kids to stay away from the crazy lady…

  52. 52.

    R-Jud

    @burnspbesq:

    If you want to move beyond Beethoven in your exploration of symphonies

    And if you get tired of symphonies somehow, there’s always Glenn Gould playing Bach. I’m learning to play some of the Two-Part Inventions, so I’ve been listening to a lot of the muttering maestro.

  54. 54.

    jacy

    @RedKitten:

    I was banging my head, trying to think of the last concert/event we went to. I think it was Weird Al, but that was back before Nicky was born, so it’s been a while. And it’s a shame, because we’re in the New Orleans area and there’s a decent amount of entertainment that comes through. Of course, I’ve yet to actually see any of it….

  57. 57.

    Crazy Kale Lady

    I have this fear dream that in a few more years I will become one of those old ladies, living with 300 cats, dressed in a bathrobe and slippers, sucking down wine from a bottle. And, the neighbors will point to my house and tell all the little kids to stay away from the crazy kale lady…

  58. 58.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    @Annie: When I start lamenting such things, I just figure we’ll likely all be nukular dust in a few years anyways , then I feel all better again :-)

  60. 60.

    Cat Lady

    Quote of the day:

    Ohio Rep John Boccieri, an Iraq war vet, explaining his “yes” vote on HCR as stemming from when he was a pilot during the war and hearing that HHS secretary Tommy Thompson was in Iraq to deliver a check which would ensure that every “man woman and child” in the country would have health care. He said that he couldn’t explain to his constituents in Ohio why they shouldn’t have the same thing.

    (h/t digby)

  61. 61.

    Yutsano

    @RedKitten: Dear God that man drips sex. I wish he wouldn’t protest about his heterosexuality so much, he’d make a helluva bisexual. Love his writing too.

  62. 62.

    Svensker

    @R-Jud:

    We had homemade butter chicken and homemade chappatis tonight.

    Dang, that recipe looks good. I am so trying it.

  64. 64.

    Svensker

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:

    A bunch of got drunk with Marlon Brando one time who would pass through now and again. Crazy fucker with a buzz on.

    Beat to the punch. Twice as true.

    I would guess pretty crazy without a buzz on, too.

  66. 66.

    Yutsano

    @Svensker: Moi aussi. I’m cooking for friends tomorrow who love Indian food, plus I bought a ton of jasmine rice to go along with. I may just haz to try it and give photographic evidence.

    Dinner tonight is rigatoni with Italian sausage and veggies. Yum.

  69. 69.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @arguingwithsignposts: Read Violet’s message to you and then see if you can figure out what I’m going to ask you for:

    Violet@arguingwithsignposts:Maybe we’ll get more Tunch and Lily pics. That would be a good thing.

    Thanks, as always, in advance.

  70. 70.

    CynDee

    Um, Violet and I are still hoping for Tunch and Lily pictures . . .

    It’s Friday night. The dogless and catless are supposed to go to bed without seeing them?

  72. 72.

    Restrung

    Fresh Air Alex Chilton show with interview starting now. streaming at mpr.org.

    eta: click “listen” on the left, and then “listen now” on the right. wtf? then click the play thing- (>) :)

  73. 73.

    Annie

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    I never remember the words “Bar Crawl” or “Beer Pong” from when I was in school so many years ago. I have learned a whole new vocabulary.

    Absolutely…And, sometimes during a Happy Hour I hear things from my students that probably I shouldn’t hear…These kids are wild on the weekends and pretty awesome in the classroom during the week.

  77. 77.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @AhabTRuler: That is *so cute* that she is sleeping on the Tunch OBEY tote bag. Just classic.

  78. 78.

    Restrung

    @growingdaisies:

    YES! That’s easily as good as the Darth theme. Who wrote that shit?
    edit: I meant the big orchestral part, not the three dorks in hats. I think I got your comment wrong!

  79. 79.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @General E. T. Stuck:

    God, I feel old…. LOL, I imagine that is an occupational hazard for college teachers.

    LOL backatcha. It’s an occupational hazard for anyone who’s older than anyone else. I admit when I see 25-year-old whippersnappers complaining about how old they feel, I just want to smack them. OTOH, I have vague embarassed memories of saying similar things when *I* was 25, so I can’t be too harsh. And I expect the 75-year-olds who listen to my current whining are just as eager to smack me now.

  81. 81.

    Redshirt

    Star Wars is hopefully soon to enter formal mythic status. Already there are blokes over in jolly old England who claim Jedi as their religion AND get away with stuff because of it. May the Force be with them, I say. May the Force be with all of us, really.

  82. 82.

    AhabTRuler

    @SiubhanDuinne: Well, I tried to pose one earlier, but that didn’t work out and I felt dirty for trying to force what should just come naturally. But them, when the SO and I came back from dinner, she had assumed a more appropriate pose.

  83. 83.

    suzanne

    @jacy:

    My sweetie has the Star Wars Imperial March as a personalized ring tone when I call him.

    My ex-husband used that for when my mother called him. Fortunately, she had a good sense of humor about it.

  84. 84.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @arguingwithsignposts: (weirdnesses going on with my posts and I guess a lot of posts, so you may never see this): You know, that’s not bad, not bad at all, for a cellphone pic. And Smudge is funny. Even in the awkwardest of poses she somehow comes off all sleek and elegant. She is a bewitching cat. At least, I am bewitched.

  85. 85.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @anyone in TX: What is the deal with Louie Gohmert? He is on my teevee (C-SPAN) moaning about something. I recognize the individual words but I have absolutely NO IDEA what he is on about except it seems to be opposed to HCR.

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