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You are here: Home / Sports / On the Upside, They Will Make a Great Team Another Remake of the Longest Yard

On the Upside, They Will Make a Great Team Another Remake of the Longest Yard

by John Cole|  March 29, 20109:43 am| 60 Comments

This post is in: Sports, Assholes

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I’m about as diehard a Steelers fan as they get, but I am sick and tired of this crap:

Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger isn’t the only member of the Steelers currently facing challenges via the legal system.

Receiver Santonio Holmes, the MVP of Super Bowl XLIII, faces a civil lawsuit for assault and battery.

According to CourtHouseNew.com, the suit was filed on March 24, 2010 for an incident occurring only two weeks earlier in Orlando.

The civil complaint contends that Holmes confronted plaintiff Anshonoe Mills after she refused to leave the arm of a couch in the VIP area of the Rain nightclub. Holmes allegedly “put his hand” in Mills’ face while attempting to remove her from the couch. Holmes then allegedly “threw his entire glass cup of liquor” at Mills’ face, allegedly causing a laceration below her eyebrow and “blinding her temporarily.”

If this keeps up, we might need to change our name to the Ravens. Pretty clearly, from the shaky performance on the field last year and the abysmal performance off the field this year, the team leadership is lacking. I’m not sure what Tomlin needs to do, but he better get these guys in line or his promising career is going to go down the tubes.

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60Comments

  1. 1.

    stuckinred

    March 29, 2010 at 9:45 am

    Turn it over to Hines!

  2. 2.

    AhabTRuler

    March 29, 2010 at 9:50 am

    the team leadership is lacking

    No, I don’t think that is the problem.

  3. 3.

    r€nato

    March 29, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Using birther logic, I believe this means the Arizona Cardinals become the winners of Super Bowl 43.

  4. 4.

    inkadu

    March 29, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Assault and battery? For trying to take someone off a couch and throwing a drink in their face? Really? I think the bigger problem is they’re juicy targets for civil lawsuits.

  5. 5.

    Stadium Blitzer

    March 29, 2010 at 9:56 am

    we might need to change our name to the Ravens

    The scary thing about this comment it that there’s an even lower threshold in Cincinnati. That’s quite a division. I guess Cleveland proves the adage that (relatively – every team has at least a few idiots) good guy finish last.

  6. 6.

    danimal

    March 29, 2010 at 9:58 am

    Par for the NFL course. X% of NFL players will go bad, it’s a scientific certainty. There’s nothing that good management can do except get rid of the problem children after they screw up. Or keep them and win championships.

  7. 7.

    Chmura's Hot Tub

    March 29, 2010 at 9:58 am

    I think you mean the Bungles, don’t you? Their training camp was at the River City Correctional Facility for a couple of years before Marvin (No Relation to Ray the non-murderer) Lewis cleaned things up.

  8. 8.

    Redshirt

    March 29, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Ravens? How about Bengals.

    AFC North = Dirtiest, no good division?

  9. 9.

    Dimmic Rat

    March 29, 2010 at 10:04 am

    They need to train at a liberal college in Mississippi, just like the Saints.

  10. 10.

    Punchy

    March 29, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Holmes then allegedly “threw his entire glass cup of liquor” at Mills’ face

    We have a term for that move in KC. It’s called the “Larry Johnson”, and it only really works properly if you follow it up by spitting on the woman.

    Cleary Holmes hasn’t practiced this before.

  11. 11.

    Brian M

    March 29, 2010 at 10:07 am

    The Steelers are still the best f-ing team in the world. So what if we have a couple of criminals. I was born and raised in Pittsburgh. At one point in my life I was almost a criminal too.

    While we are at it, let’s pick up Pacman Jones, Steve Foley, Chris McAllister, The Cincinatti Bengals, and let’s resign Palaxico Burres.

    Does anyone know if Little Wayne is a free agent?

    GO STEELERS!!

  12. 12.

    someguy

    March 29, 2010 at 10:14 am

    I’m not sure what Tomlin needs to do

    Throw a brick through NFL headquarters window.

    Hey, if it works for the teabaggers…

  13. 13.

    Bill H

    March 29, 2010 at 10:17 am

    You may have to put a lightening bolt on your uniforms.

    Or keep them and win championships.

    Or, like San Diego, keep them and lose championships.

  14. 14.

    Napoleon

    March 29, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Now in the good old days Steelers like say, Ernie Holmes, would never bring disrupt on the team.

  15. 15.

    danimal

    March 29, 2010 at 10:21 am

    @Bill H: As a Charger fan, that one hurt.

  16. 16.

    debit

    March 29, 2010 at 10:26 am

    Pffft. Talk to me about your team self destructing when half of them has an orgy on Lake Minnetonka while the other tries to see who can rack up the most DWIs on the 494 corridor.

  17. 17.

    Frank Chow

    March 29, 2010 at 10:29 am

    We should probably begin by treating them like everyone else instead of like demi-gods. There is nothing Tomlin can do to change that.

  18. 18.

    stuckinred

    March 29, 2010 at 10:32 am

    @debit: And the old days with Kramer and Studwell in the SUV!

  19. 19.

    debit

    March 29, 2010 at 10:34 am

    @Frank Chow: The real problem is that the demi-god treatment starts in highschool, is cemented in college, and is set for life by adulthood. They have been taught to expect it. Rules? Those are for people who can’t play football.

  20. 20.

    DougJ

    March 29, 2010 at 10:36 am

    Team leadership? Was that snark?

  21. 21.

    RareSanity

    March 29, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I’m about as diehard a Steelers fan as they get, but I am sick and tired of this crap

    Boo-freaking-hoo Cole!

    Let’s see, decades of excellence. Hall of Famers, and Championships and you are sick?

    Let me call the wah-mbulance.

    Make another post when your $100 million quarterback decides he wants to be the Don Corleone of dog fighting and gets sent to prison. The coach you hired that same year quits in week 13 to coach the freaking Arkansas Razorbacks right after your owner gets interviewed durng Monday Night Football saying we think he’ll be here a long time. All of this turns your mostly joke of a franchise into a tragedy that would put Euripides to shame…

    Yeah, welcome to the world of being a Falcon fan…at least Ben has two rings!

    (walks out and slams door)

  22. 22.

    BenA

    March 29, 2010 at 10:44 am

    I donno… there are assholes everywhere… I don’t think it’s got much to do with the fact that they’re NFL players. You think maybe the media magnifies the fact that it’s NFL players getting in trouble because they have an axe to grind?

  23. 23.

    morzer

    March 29, 2010 at 10:52 am

    Clearly this is Goodell’s Waterloo. If we resist the illegitimate, Kenyan-born, closet-Muslim, terrorist-palling Chicago thug Commissioner, this will break him!

  24. 24.

    Captain Goto

    March 29, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Whether it’s his fault or not, I’ll bet you can find more than a few people in Steeler Country ™ who will be more than happy to dump this in the lap of Mike Tomlin.

    Our bookkeeper pretty much copped to hating Tomlin from the word “go”, to the point that she would have loved to have Cowher back–even after the pandering SOB showed up rooting for the Carolina Hurricanes, in a playoff game against the Penguins. And this lady is at least as huge a Pens fan as she is of the Steelers.

    Why? I have my suspicions…mebbe it bears some similarity to how she felt about a certain election that happened in November of 2008, which she was quite unhappy about.

    The Sheriff is a [what you say]?

  25. 25.

    NobodySpecial

    March 29, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I see Pacman Jones in your future…

  26. 26.

    AhabTRuler

    March 29, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Yeah, after his “but why don’t they have security guards to protect Big Ben from his own appetites” moment, I am starting to get the idea that John doesn’t really understand that these are adults who make their own decisions.

  27. 27.

    Dork

    March 29, 2010 at 11:10 am

    I see Pacman Jones in your future…

    I was thinking of the trifecta. Pacman, T.O., and some Jeff George for good measure.

    Unit cohesion, bitches!

  28. 28.

    NobodySpecial

    March 29, 2010 at 11:12 am

    @AhabTRuler:

    Not buying it. Players like Big Ben aren’t just adults, they’re multimillion dollar investments. I find it highly believable that they’d have someone watching him, if not then, definitely now. If they don’t, the Rooneys are as big a bunch of idiots as the McCaskeys.

  29. 29.

    Skip Intro

    March 29, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Assault and battery? For trying to take someone off a couch and throwing a drink in their face? Really? I think the bigger problem is they’re juicy targets for civil lawsuits.

    Well, A&B is a criminal offense, probably warranted when:

    Holmes then allegedly “threw his entire glass cup of liquor” at Mills’ face, allegedly causing a laceration below her eyebrow

    IANAL, but a facial lac caused by a thrown glass resulting in a charge of battery against the alleged thrower passes the smell test for me.

  30. 30.

    AhabTRuler

    March 29, 2010 at 11:28 am

    they’re multimillion dollar investments.

    Tough shit. What are you going to do, put them in cuffs? The FBI would like to have a few words with you over in that there Federal Pen, thankew.

  31. 31.

    AhabTRuler

    March 29, 2010 at 11:34 am

    @AhabTRuler: See also: cult deprogramming and addiction interventions.

  32. 32.

    reid

    March 29, 2010 at 11:41 am

    You know the Raiders have really fallen on hard times when they’re not even mentioned on this thread. Hey, their coach busted some guy’s jaw for ‘im! They can be jerks, too, c’mon!

  33. 33.

    Bill H

    March 29, 2010 at 11:47 am

    @danimal:
    Also a Charger fan. Sticker on my car and all. That doesn’t mean I believe the “I didn’t throw it, the champagne bottle that flew across the night club merely slipped out of my hand” thing.

  34. 34.

    Neutron Flux

    March 29, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    @Punchy: I am familiar with this move. This was a big part of him moving on down the road, IIRC. That and his constant WATB attitude.

  35. 35.

    Robertdsc-iphone

    March 29, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    My condolences. I have no answers.

  36. 36.

    Redshirt

    March 29, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    @reid: Poor Raiders. They’re not nearly good enough to be bad boys, and no one really cares when a bunch of losers get arrested.

    Does this mean no one hates the Pats anymore? Sweet!

    Never too early to talk football.

  37. 37.

    starfleet dude

    March 29, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Hmm, it’s about time for a remake of North Dallas Forty.

  38. 38.

    Bubblegum Tate

    March 29, 2010 at 12:14 pm

    @reid:

    Hey, their coach busted some guy’s jaw for ‘im!

    Hahaha! Jerky Boys FTW!

  39. 39.

    RareSanity

    March 29, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    @Redshirt:

    Does this mean no one hates the Pats anymore? Sweet!

    To answer this, I refer to your previous statement:

    They’re not nearly good enough to be bad boys anymore, and no one really cares when a bunch of losers get arrested about a bunch of average players and a cheating coach.

    Oh, I feel alive again when the Bill Belichick hate starts to flow freely.

    Never too early to talk football.

    Amen, brother…

  40. 40.

    reid

    March 29, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    @Redshirt: Maybe that’s what will finally get them to pull their heads out and have a season over .500. Then they’d get the respect they deserve when they start firing glasses and bottles (and shoes and hairpieces, for B Tate) in clubs.

    I still hate the Pats, by the way. Tuckers…

  41. 41.

    boomshanka

    March 29, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    News Flash: football players are assholes.

  42. 42.

    Redshirt

    March 29, 2010 at 12:56 pm

    @RareSanity: O snap. Nice one RareSanity.

    The Pats will be in the mix again. Though, I do like that you are underestimating them. It will allow the Dark Lord Belichick to more easily destroy your hopes and dreams.

    Also, Patriots – real Patriots – don’t get arrested. They are all Model Citizens.

    And Reid? You’re not still angry about The Tuck, are you?

  43. 43.

    Brachiator

    March 29, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    @inkadu:

    Assault and battery? For trying to take someone off a couch and throwing a drink in their face? Really? I think the bigger problem is they’re juicy targets for civil lawsuits.

    You got it. This is sadly sounding like the Warren Sapp case. He had been arrested for domestic battery. But even the recent story noting that he had been cleared of all charges still plays up the original incident.

    Sapp, 37, was facing one count of misdemeanor domestic battery for the Feb. 6 arrest at the Shore Club Hotel in Miami Beach, which happened just a day before kickoff of Super Bowl XLIV.
    …
    The victim had a swollen knee and bruises on her neck, according to an arrest affidavit. She told detectives that she was partying with Sapp and her friends at the hotel and asked for his room key when she grew tired. Sapp reportedly woke up the victim a few hours later and they started to argue. She told investigators that Sapp started to choke her and pushed her down on a couch.

    So why did the DA drop the case? Because the “victim” was a liar.

    The prosecution memo said further investigation uncovered problems with the victim’s account. For example, she told police that a man helped her walk down a hotel hallway, but surveillance video shows her walking with the man unassisted. She also told investigators that she had trouble walking after the alleged attack, but surveillance footage shows that she walked without a limp.
    …
    “Victim gave sworn testimony that she was in excruciating pain from the moment she fell on her knee and was teary-eyed while in the lobby moments after the incident,” the memo states. “However, there is a security witness who observed the victim giggling with an anonymous man, as well as walking in high heels without any trouble.”

    I suppose we could demand that athletes and celebrities live like monks and stay home when not working. But where’s the fun in that?

  44. 44.

    Mark Centz

    March 29, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    You’re spelling it wrong. Your left coast readers know them as the Stealers, size XL.

    But you do have one of the premiere organizations in pro sports, damn you all

  45. 45.

    chrome agnomen

    March 29, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    one solution: draconian fines/penalties for violations of behavior clauses in contracts.

  46. 46.

    fucen tarmal

    March 29, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    sorry but the civil suit against holmes amounts to diddly/squat.

    sure there are two fat checks named in the filing, holmes and the club, but it makes you wonder why the police weren’t named.

    i’m a steeler fan, and biased but it sounds like junk.

  47. 47.

    RareSanity

    March 29, 2010 at 2:00 pm

    @Redshirt:

    The Pats will be in the mix again. Though, I do like that you are underestimating them. It will allow the Dark Lord Belichick to more easily destroy your hopes and dreams.

    You’re probably right, although the AFC East has gotten better around them. Well…except Buffalo, they still suck. Won’t be a walk in the park.

    I just cannot tell you how much I enjoyed watching the Dark Lord lose. Not a losing season, but enough loses to make the look on his face quite satisfying…oh, it was good.

  48. 48.

    SadOldVet

    March 29, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    I don’t care what anyone says about Big Ben.

    Kobe Bryant will always be the MVR of any and all leagues!

    Just remember the rules…

    Rape is ok if you are a big enough star. (Kobe)
    Just get the right lawyers
    Murder is ok if you are a big enough star. (Ray Lewis)
    Just pay off the family
    Dog fighting is never ok. (sorry Michael)

  49. 49.

    Brachiator

    March 29, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    @chrome agnomen:

    one solution: draconian fines/penalties for violations of behavior clauses in contracts.

    Would the players get equally draconian paybacks if the charges turn out to be bunk?

  50. 50.

    reid

    March 29, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    @Redshirt:

    And Reid? You’re not still angry about The Tuck, are you?

    I thought it was an outstanding example of a bullshed call at the time, and still do to a degree, but really don’t care much anymore. Endless terrible seasons drives home how silly the whole thing is.

  51. 51.

    morzer

    March 29, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    @RareSanity:

    I am looking forward to the Dark Lord blowing the draft when he has 4 picks in the first two rounds. That’s going to be extremely enjoyable. The Patsies “dynasty” is over!

  52. 52.

    Redshirt

    March 29, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    I love the Pats, and their organization, but I’ve been pointing out to my fellow Pats fans for several years now that Belichick has never won anything without Crommel and Weiss on his coaching staff; add in the incredible GM Scott Piloi, and many other top coach departures, and I just don’t see how anyone can expect the same results from the Pats these days. It wasn’t all Belichick in the past, and it can’t be now.

    That, I suspect, is the ultimate leavening agent in the NFL: Coach staff departures. Every great team will shortly lose many of their top staff as they, individually, seek their own career and salary opportunities.

    Last year must have been delish for Pats haters though, since they should have been incredible, but frsutrations abound, culminating in the one and done playoff visit.

  53. 53.

    RareSanity

    March 29, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    @Redshirt:

    add in the incredible GM Scott Piloi

    BTW, as an Atlanta Falcon fan…Thank you guys for Thomas Dimitrov. Judging by the two drafts he has had here, he may be a major factor in the Pats not drafting as well the past two years.

  54. 54.

    Gozer

    March 29, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Wow…us Saints fans have only had to ever deal with shitty football (not in recent years obviously). By and large the players have avoided legal troubles, even in the catastrophic 80s.

  55. 55.

    Lisa K.

    March 29, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    @Redshirt:

    Ravens? How about Bengals.

    AFC North = Dirtiest, no good division?

    Took the words right out of my mouth.

    Tomlin has got to get control of this group somehow.

  56. 56.

    Lisa K.

    March 29, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    @Gozer:

    Wow…us Saints fans have only had to ever deal with shitty football (not in recent years obviously). By and large the players have avoided legal troubles, even in the catastrophic 80s.

    Same for Pats fans. Irving Fryar attacked his wife, but that is all I can think of off the top of my head. Belichick would never put up with that nonsense for very long.

  57. 57.

    Lisa K.

    March 29, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    @Redshirt:

    I love the Pats, and their organization, but I’ve been pointing out to my fellow Pats fans for several years now that Belichick has never won anything without Crommel and Weiss on his coaching staff; add in the incredible GM Scott Piloi, and many other top coach departures, and I just don’t see how anyone can expect the same results from the Pats these days. It wasn’t all Belichick in the past, and it can’t be now.

    Tha Pats’ success was the result of a perfect storm of coach, coordinators, player development and ownership, which all came to fruition when they finally practically stumbled onto the missing piece-a gifted QB. But success as an aggregate does not usually translate when the parts start splintering off-Romeo Crennel and Charlie Weiss were the first to flunk out post-Pats, Eric Mangini will be next, and anybody in Kansas City waiting for magic to happen just because Pioli is in the driver’s seat has a good long wait coming, I think.

  58. 58.

    Wile E. Quixote

    March 29, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    I’d like to see the professional sports leagues adopt a contract provision that says that if you’re convicted of a DUI or a felony that your contract is rendered null and void and you’re prohibited from ever playing again. Seriously, this shit pisses me the fuck off. If you’re a soldier, sailor, marine or airman and you get busted for a DUI your career is over. If you’re an officer you’ll be asked to resign your commission immediately, if you’re an enlisted man you’ll end up with a hold placed on any re-enistments. I don’t see why we can’t ask a bunch of guys who are being paid millions of dollars a year to not commit felonies or DUIs.

    The reason that you see so much of this shit is because these idiots are allowed to get away with it. Take a few morons like Michael Vick and ban them for life, instead of letting them play again, so that they end up having to take low paying service industry jobs, which is all that a lot of these guys would be qualified for off the field/court and it won’t take long before their teammates see the virtues of not driving drunk and not behaving like dicks.

  59. 59.

    Brachiator

    March 29, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    @Wile E. Quixote:

    The reason that you see so much of this shit is because these idiots are allowed to get away with it.

    What shit? All we have here are some allegations.

    Take a few morons like Michael Vick and ban them for life, instead of letting them play again, so that they end up having to take low paying service industry jobs, which is all that a lot of these guys would be qualified for off the field/court and it won’t take long before their teammates see the virtues of not driving drunk and not behaving like dicks.

    I’d like to see this applied to Congress first. Also, can we force people who make false allegations (e.g., the Warren Sapp case mentioned above) to take service industry jobs?

    Oh yeah, Vick was sober when he did his despicable acts concerning dogs, so how exactly does he fit into your scheme here?

  60. 60.

    EJ

    March 29, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    I’d like to see the professional sports leagues adopt a contract provision that says that if you’re convicted of a DUI or a felony that your contract is rendered null and void and you’re prohibited from ever playing again.

    Yeah, that’ll help – not being able to work is usually really helpful for ex-cons. The fans wouldn’t stand for it anyway.

    Besides, a lot of this stuff is just because cops are going to give extra-special scrutiny to young black men with fancy cars. Yes, I know white players get in trouble too, and I don’t think anyone should be allowed to drive drunk, it’s just that as an average white guy, it’s a lot easier for me to get away with it.

    Assault and battery? For trying to take someone off a couch and throwing a drink in their face? Really?

    You mean it’s not a crime to shove women and throw things at them? Hot Damn!

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