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You are here: Home / The only survivors of the National People’s Gang

The only survivors of the National People’s Gang

by DougJ|  March 29, 20107:02 pm| 139 Comments

This post is in: Good News For Conservatives, We Are All Mayans Now

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I don’t know why I find the Hutaree rank system so funny (h/t Bronze Rifleman Doctor Science):

RANKS:
RADOK [RD] BORAMANDER [BM] ZULIF [ZL] ARKON [AK] GOLD RIFLEMAN [GR] SILVER RIFLEMAN [SR] BRONZE RIFLEMAN [BR] LUKORE [LK] MASTER GUNNER [MG] SENIOR GUNNER [SG] GUNNER [GN]

I think this may be an example of the post-wingnut mythology we’ve discussed before. It’s part Dungeons and Dragons, part Finnegans Wake, part modern corporatese (I like that “Senior Gunner” is the second-lowest rank).

The jack-booted thug meme is already taking hold, BTW (as John noted in the last post).

From now on, I would like you all to address me as Arkon DougJ.

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Previous Post: « So Hard To Tell
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Reader Interactions

139Comments

  1. 1.

    cleek

    March 29, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Gold Rifleman is about to die!

  2. 2.

    MobiusKlein

    March 29, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    @cleek: Wins in one.

  3. 3.

    eastriver

    March 29, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Radok Cole. /snorting blue milk out my nose

  4. 4.

    Jon H

    March 29, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Boramander, I choose you!

  5. 5.

    David

    March 29, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Everyone who enters gets to participate and no goes home empty handed!

  6. 6.

    penpen

    March 29, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    not to tar them with a different kind of crazy brush but speaking of D&D, the KKK had grand wizards and dragons etc, right?

  7. 7.

    Ken Z

    March 29, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    It’s funny because it seems that they have more ranks than actual members.

  8. 8.

    cleek

    March 29, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Boramander… he’s the guy who tried to steal the ring but instead got killed by a bunch of Orcs, instead. right?

  9. 9.

    jl

    March 29, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    The link says there are similarities to Pokemon names.

    The sinister conspiracy widens.

    And, speaking of jack-booted thugs, when is Cole going to reveal his secreat plan for enabling WV to beat Duke?

    I will contribute in any way possible. I will even go run up a huge tab at a strip joint and bill it to Balloon-Juice. Yer welcome.

  10. 10.

    Jon H

    March 29, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    @penpen: “KKK had grand wizards and dragons etc, right?”

    And Kleagles. Which definitely aren’t from D&D.

  11. 11.

    MikeJ

    March 29, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    August 10. Release date for the the Red Dawn remake.

    Wolverines!

  12. 12.

    morzer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Zulif? Someone wants to be a “zulif”? If these people weren’t so obviously deranged, I’d be rolling on the floor with laughter.

  13. 13.

    salacious crumb

    March 29, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    you wish is my command, Arkon DougJ.

  14. 14.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    It looks like they have more ranks than members.

    .

  15. 15.

    Calouste

    March 29, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    @penpen:

    Yep, and one of the things that played a part in their slow demise was that the ranks came out in the open and were effectively ridiculed.

  16. 16.

    mr. whipple zorkon

    March 29, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Wow, what a bunch of wackaloons!

  17. 17.

    Keith G

    March 29, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Largely OT, though marginally related thought:

    Don’t you suppose that Russian authorities have no qualms about using torture as a weapon against terrorism?

    How’s that working for them?

  18. 18.

    Dreggas

    March 29, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Do not disparage D&D by linking it with these nutballs, bad enough when they used to blame D&D for suicide and murder.

  19. 19.

    Andre

    March 29, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    @JGabriel:

    It looks like they have more ranks than members.

    I was thinking the same thing.

    Which of the above means “50 year old white male with limited education”?

    Oh, all of them? Never mind then.

  20. 20.

    Pete

    March 29, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    “post-wingnut mythology” is a phrase that will never get old in my book

    Lukore Pete +4

  21. 21.

    geg6

    March 29, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    cleek, dude, you are on fire tonight! Oh, and OT, but CREW has filed suit against Hannity’s and Ollie North’s “charity” which is supposed to benefit the children of soldiers. Discovery in that case should be some fine entertainment. Can’t seem to link from the BlackBerry, but Salon has the story.

  22. 22.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 29, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    I clicked on that link for the jack-booted thug meme and there at FDL, where you sent me, was a photo of someone I assumed to be one of the militiamen arrested over the weekend. And I thought to myself, Hmmm, that guy sure does look a lot like Timothy McVeigh. Do all militiamen look like Timothy McVeigh? Or maybe I’m not remembering what Timothy McVeigh looked like? And then I decided to do a Google image search to see if I could pull up a photo of Timothy McVeigh to compare to the photo shown at the FDL link, and by god if those clever boots over to FDL didn’t use an actual photo! of Timothy McVeigh to illustrate their caption:

    Pictured: a non-Muslim Caucasian, and therefore, not a terrorist

  23. 23.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    March 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    In my Hippie Militia, we are all equal rank of “dude”/

  24. 24.

    Bob In Pacifica

    March 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Alan Arkon was one of my favorite character actors.

  25. 25.

    Mike The Dealer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Man, most WoW guilds I’ve been in don’t have that many ranks.

  26. 26.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    @MikeJ: I have a horrible feeling that the Red Dawn remake will feature, instead of Russian Commies, a Black Commie Anti-Christ Atheist Muslim Pro-Choice President and his UN Stormtroopers as the enemy.

    .

  27. 27.

    AngusJackBootedThugOfMeat

    March 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Okay, sign me up. I welcome our new militia overlords.

    God Bless A-Moo-Ica.

  28. 28.

    Andre

    March 29, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    @Keith G:

    Largely OT, though marginally related thought:
    …
    Don’t you suppose that Russian authorities have no qualms about using torture as a weapon against terrorism?
    …
    How’s that working for them?

    Chechnya is the perfect explanation for why the “glass parking lot” approach to angry foreigners is doomed to failure. You genuinely couldn’t imagine a more brutal “anti-terrorism” campaign, and it continues to fail horribly.

  29. 29.

    Hob

    March 29, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    @penpen: Yeah, that’s the first thing that reminded me of. And I don’t think it’s particularly inappropriate for them, as crazy-brushes go.

  30. 30.

    Alex S.

    March 29, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Ok, now I’ve got David Bowie in my head, but which song…hm…

  31. 31.

    morzer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:

    Or El Duderino, or Duder….

  32. 32.

    the farmer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    I clicked on the FDL link expecting a photo of Rahm (RM).

    *

  33. 33.

    New Yorker

    March 29, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    Still not as unintentionally hilarious as the ranks of the KKK like “imperial wizard”.

    Lunatic violent white people really need to come up with better titles for themselves. Idi Amin is spinning in his grave.

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 29, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    @Arkon DougJ: What the hell did you do, go back and retroactively change your handle on every previous post? LOL.

  35. 35.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    @Jon H:

    And Kleagles.

    Awww, lookit the cute doggie with the pointy white hat.

    .

  36. 36.

    Joseph Nobles

    March 29, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    Correct usage of these terms is to place the two-letter abbreviation of the title in front of your name.

    For example, RD Cole or AK DougJ.

    Y’all, I’m not lying.

    All of these names appear to have been coined by the Hutaree clan. Their RD said that it was from a dialect known by about 4 people, he being one. Sounds like speaking in tongues to me. But then there’s the Riflemen and Gunner ranks.

  37. 37.

    freelancer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    @geg6:

    Uhm, I don’t get it?

  38. 38.

    Zach

    March 29, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Scientologists can now claim to be relatively less ridiculous when someone makes fun of thetans and xenu.

  39. 39.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    March 29, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    Check the kerning – something crucial is missing. Where is Zod?
    There has to be a Zod.
    How can they say: “Kneel before Zod!” if Zod isn’t even on the list of ranks?

  40. 40.

    Linda Featheringill

    March 29, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Dougj: Have you ever BEEN to Akron?

    [I realize this is taken from Greek, meaning the height, but still . . ]

  41. 41.

    mistermix

    March 29, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Just call me bm mistermix.

  42. 42.

    Alex S.

    March 29, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    @Alex S.:

    Aaah, Panic in Detroit, from the Aladdin Sane album (A lad insane), not bad DougJ, not bad…

  43. 43.

    freelancer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    @mistermix:

    light a match, dude.

  44. 44.

    GN Rommie

    March 29, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    I’m just a grunt on the front line, the Radok don’t know my pain.

  45. 45.

    geg6

    March 29, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    [email protected]: Did you go to Salon? It’s the featured story on their front page. Apparently, Hannity and North have been skimming the cash and no kids are being helped by their charity. We’re talking millions of dollars.

  46. 46.

    AngusJackBootedThugOfMeat

    March 29, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Pull my hoof.

  47. 47.

    me

    March 29, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Archon? I played that on my C64.

  48. 48.

    Citizen_X

    March 29, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    TAKE OFF EVERY ZULIF!
    YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
    MOVE ALL ZULIF.
    FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

  49. 49.

    HumboldtBlue

    March 29, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    How shitty of a shot do you have to be to only qualify as a “Bronze Rifleman?” I mean, even me, a guy who had never held a live weapon until I reached Benning was able to shoot well enough the first time around to earn a “Marksman” badge which I was later able to upgrade to “expert.”

    Do you think that the guy who has only earned the “Bronze Rifleman” moniker was only allowed to bring donuts?

  50. 50.

    Annie

    March 29, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    If the draft was every reinstated, these guys would be the first to piss in their pants…

    +2

    It’s my b-day, and I figure I can say what I want — although I do, do that everyday…

  51. 51.

    dmsilev

    March 29, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Sounds like Scientology. Scientologist militias, now *there’s* a scary thought.

    -dms

  52. 52.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Joseph Nobles:

    All of these names appear to have been coined by the Hutaree clan.

    I could swear Arkon was a planet or race in Star Trek. Let me check the Great Wikizardia:

    Arkon is a fictional character in the Marvel Comics Universe. He is the warlord and ruler of the extra-dimensional world of Polemachus.
    __
    Not to be confused with Akron.

    So. Not a Star Trek reference. Oh well.

    Heh. They said “Polemachus”.

    .

  53. 53.

    Kirk Spencer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    @JGabriel: Actually, the Big Bad in this version of Red Dawn is the Chinese. Go to IMBD and look for the military titles – Captain Lo, Lt Lee, etc.

    Though I have no idea how the Chinese can persuade the Cubans to launch their mighty Airborne forces.

  54. 54.

    Joel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    @cleek: Red Joel needs food badly!

  55. 55.

    Perry Como

    March 29, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    What, no High Scrutator?

  56. 56.

    The Populist

    March 29, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    Argh…innocent until proven guilty without doubt here, but anybody who defends these idiots without knowing exactly what happened better be able to eat crow should these folks get convicted.

  57. 57.

    Martin

    March 29, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    ^
    |
    Geek

    @JGabriel:
    Archons.

  58. 58.

    freelancer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    @geg6:

    Yes, but what does that Salon story have to do with cleek’s joke?

    (Sorry, if I’m being thick-headed today, I’m just out of it. Poured myself into work, and now my brain is all mush.)

  59. 59.

    Martin

    March 29, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    @Kirk Spencer: They launch from Vancouver.

  60. 60.

    mr. whipple

    March 29, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    I wish to now be addressed as mr. whipple zorkon.

    As you were.

  61. 61.

    trollhattan

    March 29, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Can I do a mashup with my Unitarian Jihad name?

    Sincerely,

    Brother Bronze Immaculate Axe of Moderate Forgiveness

  62. 62.

    John O

    March 29, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Central Scrutinizer here.

    This post is a win, and anyone who doesn’t find that Order of Merit funny needs a vacation.

    I bow beneath you, Arkon DougJ.

  63. 63.

    Joseph Nobles

    March 29, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Also, Ricky Martin is gay. No, for real.

  64. 64.

    freelancer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    @Joseph Nobles:

    hoocoodanode alert.

  65. 65.

    lukor gypsy howell

    March 29, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Has anyone deciphered what ‘Hutaree’ means?

  66. 66.

    Mnemosyne

    March 29, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    @geg6:

    I don’t usually read Salon comments, but the very first one cracked me up:

    Oliver North diverts money that was given in good faith and uses it for nefarious purposes?
    __
    I just didn’t see him as the type.

  67. 67.

    trollhattan

    March 29, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Okay, now I iz skeert.

    http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/03/us-marshals-in-michigan-have.php

  68. 68.

    John O

    March 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    @Joseph Nobles:

    *shove* Get OUT!!!!

  69. 69.

    Zulif tyrese

    March 29, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    I think Pam Geller said the FBI shouldn’t have even arrested them.

  70. 70.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    @Martin:

    @JGabriel: Archons.

    Hey, I just cut and paste. Talk to the Great Wikizardia.

    .

  71. 71.

    Linda Featheringill

    March 29, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    To Brother Forgiveness:

    Carry on!

  72. 72.

    Kirk Spencer

    March 29, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    @Martin: I want to laugh at that, I really do.

    But I’m afraid your suggestion will look sensible compared to whatever they actually do to get a Chinese invasion working.

  73. 73.

    John O

    March 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    @trollhattan:

    Well, they certainly LOOK like they have all their marbles.

    Not unlike that guy who threatened Cantor. I know it’s wrong to judge a book by its cover…

  74. 74.

    geg6

    March 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    freelancer @53: Ohhhhh! Well, I came into the thread to provide that OT note about Hannity and North and saw all the comments and cleek was on fire. So I told him that first. And because I’m on the BlackBerry, I cannot seem to get paragraph breaks to work. So that’s why it is sometimes confusing to read some of my comments.

  75. 75.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    March 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    @cleek: Probably late on this, but I wonder if they get admonished for shooting food.

  76. 76.

    Annie

    March 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    But, he has since accepted Christ after all….

  77. 77.

    Mike Kay

    March 29, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    @the farmer: Winnah!

  78. 78.

    Joseph Nobles

    March 29, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    @John O:
    @freelancer:

    I know! It’s crazy, isn’t it?

    Also, re: Hutaree coining – the RD says it’s from his own dilect.

  79. 79.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    March 29, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    @cleek: One of my fondest college memories: Spring Break 1993 Daytona Beach. A nor-easter had tore up the east coast of florida and the weather in was awful there. We went to a mall multiplex and smuggled a bunch of liquor in to watch Groundhog Day. We were pretty lit after the movie and spent the rest of the afternoon playing Gauntlet in the mall arcade. Good times!

  80. 80.

    corwin

    March 29, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    Radok may refer to the Alfred Radok, director of the Czech National Theater in the 40’s – 60’s, or basically their top rank was named after a commie theater guy. This is somewhat amusing.

  81. 81.

    Jon H

    March 29, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    @Joseph Nobles: “Their RD said that it was from a dialect known by about 4 people, he being one”

    As a commenter, Nick Lamb, noted on Language Log, it’s like a tree house code. His description of the ranks was superfantasticawesome.

    “The kid with the treehouse gets to be “Radok” and his best friend is a “Boramander”. The kid they don’t like much is a “Lukore” except in the summer when they use his parent’s pool, then he’s “Gold Rifleman” and nobody is ever a “Silver Rifleman” because the Boramander’s sister took the silver pen.”

    They’re the He-Man Gubmint-Hater’s Club.

  82. 82.

    Mike Kay

    March 29, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    @Joseph Nobles:

    I’m shocked!

    http://www.queerty.com/wp/docs/2008/08/rickymartinbeach.jpg

  83. 83.

    Jon H

    March 29, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    @lukor gypsy howell: “Has anyone deciphered what ‘Hutaree’ means?”

    My best guess is that someone in the group is a big fan of the John Wayne safari movie Hatari, which is supposedly Swahili for ‘Danger’

  84. 84.

    LuciaMia

    March 29, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    I’m flash-backing to that old Star Trek episode, where the crew was transported to the OK Corral.

  85. 85.

    LuciaMia

    March 29, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Oops, forgot to add. Have the Hutaree (why do I imagine them with blue skin?) solved the problem of what automatic weapon Jesus would carry?

  86. 86.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine:

    One of my fondest college memories: … We went to a mall … and spent the rest of the afternoon playing Gauntlet in the mall arcade.

    Gordon, that’s … something you should never share in public again. Not everyone is as kind as we are.

    .

  87. 87.

    Polish the Guillotines

    March 29, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    ZOMG!1! 1! I’m in ur base killing your Zulifs!1!!1

  88. 88.

    Master Gunner danimal

    March 29, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    @lukor gypsy howell: Hutaree means “Christian warrior” in Idiot.

  89. 89.

    Master Gunner danimal

    March 29, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    @Polish the Guillotines: @General Egali Tarian Stuck: War is hell. Fight on, doodz.

  90. 90.

    Keith

    March 29, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Purely coincedentally, those are also various donor levels from Bush-Cheney ’04. Raising $50 makes you “Gunner”. To get to level Arkon requires raising $500 and selling 50 copies of “A Charge To Keep”.

  91. 91.

    Anne Laurie

    March 29, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    @Mnemosyne: Sigh. I swear I wrote my 9pm post before reading this comment thread…

  92. 92.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    March 29, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    @JGabriel: Sure, when you take it out of context like that!!!!

    Would the story improve if I told you we were sharing a house with a bunch of sorority girls from Sewanee? OK then.

  93. 93.

    The Radok's A Ni-

    March 29, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Just this once.

  94. 94.

    AngusJackBootedThugOfMeat

    March 29, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    @geg6:

    So that’s why it is sometimes confusing to read some of my comments.

    I wish I had a convenient excuse like that for some of mine.

    Heh.

    Luckily, I actually have a Blackberry. I am a terror on that hoof keyboard, too.

  95. 95.

    Arkon DougJ

    March 29, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    @Alex S.:

    They were arraigned in Detroit, so it seemed appropriate.

  96. 96.

    Kirk Spencer

    March 29, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    @Gordon, The Big Express Engine:

    Would the story improve if I told you we were sharing a house with a bunch of sorority girls from Sewanee? OK then.

    … So, you’re saying you and your friends preferred staying at the mall playing Gauntlet over going back to the house where the sorority girls were?

  97. 97.

    PaulW

    March 29, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    Some of those ranks sound… I’ve never seen those names before. What the bleep is Boramander?

    Arkon I’ve heard before. But Lukore?! What language is this, Batcrazy?

  98. 98.

    Gordon, The Big Express Engine

    March 29, 2010 at 8:16 pm

    @Kirk Spencer: We were there for an entire week. It was 48 degrees, windy and raining pretty much the whole time and the girls were from Sewanee, not MIT. Pros and cons to both types and not like we were any great shakes, but by midweek, the cabin fever was setting in and we needed to get away for an afternoon…

  99. 99.

    DonkeyKong

    March 29, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    All ranking members of the feared and fierce”pot belly” division.

  100. 100.

    JGabriel

    March 29, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    @Gordon, The Big Express Engine: Ha! Yes, obviously.

    .

  101. 101.

    A Ghost To Most

    March 29, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    dear Hutaree,

    All your BORAMANDER are belong to us!

  102. 102.

    chuck

    March 29, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    How’s my rifle skill? It’s radokulous, bitch!

  103. 103.

    Redshirt

    March 29, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    The funny thing about it is they are all really just redshirts, cannon fodder to be used and chewed up by The Man, man, to dig his trenches or keep the fear alive.

    If only some theory of peace and love could get through to them. If only there was some messenger of peace of love, damnit!

  104. 104.

    FormerSwingVoter

    March 29, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    @trollhattan:

    Top row, from left to right:

    Teaches high school math, teaches home ec and girls’ gym, teaches Mass Effect speed playthroughs, and teaches looking-like-bald-Ben-Stiller.

  105. 105.

    celticdragonchick

    March 29, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    @JGabriel:

    Arkon is a fictional character in the Marvel Comics Universe. He is the warlord and ruler of the extra-dimensional world of Polemachus.
    Not to be confused with Akron.

    Well, Warhammer 40,000 has the Archon, which is a character in the Dark Eldar forces.

    The Dark Eldar are evil and love to torture their captives over a period of months, btw…

    I wonder who that reminds me of.

  106. 106.

    celticdragonchick

    March 29, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    @A Ghost To Most:

    You win the thread.

  107. 107.

    Liberty60

    March 29, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    Re: Generalissimo Maximo Arkon:

    Humphrey Bogart said it best in Maltese Falcon-
    “The cheaper the hood the gaudier the patter!”

    Although El Cid’s line from this morning- “cosplay for milnerds” made my day.

  108. 108.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 29, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    @Annie:

    Did you say it’s your birthday? Happy Birthday if it is your birthday.

    What the fnck, happy birthday even if it isn’t your birthddday.

    SD +1

  109. 109.

    asiangrrlMN

    March 29, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    @Annie: Happy birthday! Yeah, these guys are like Cheney and his ilk. Talking all this shit, but the first to find some medical illness to stay out of the real fighting.

    Man. This whole thread is like gibberish to me.

  110. 110.

    SiubhanDuinne

    March 29, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Radok Rachel just announced that the ninth guy, who had been at large, was just apprehended and is in custody.

    And LOL she says the ranks sound like something out of Calvin and Hobbes. LOL.

  111. 111.

    Alice Blue

    March 29, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    Have you seen the mug shots of these people? Looks like a really shallow gene pool.

  112. 112.

    Kristine

    March 29, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Please continue to use lyrics from David Bowie songs as post titles.

    Brightens me Monday, it does.

  113. 113.

    Kristine

    March 29, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Also wondering why Silver Surfer isn’t a rank. Too. Dude.

    Green Lantern.
    Green Arrow.
    und so weiter…

  114. 114.

    Xenos

    March 29, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    @lukor gypsy howell:

    Has anyone deciphered what ‘Hutaree’ means?

    All I can think of is the Kiswahili word for ‘danger’ (‘hatari’), which is also the title of a John Wayne film which is most notable for the musical number we all know and love: ‘Baby Elephant Dance.’

  115. 115.

    JCT

    March 29, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @Kristine:

    Please continue to use lyrics from David Bowie songs as post titles.

    Hah– I’m with you, gives me an excuse to sing (badly) and insist on playing old Bowie for my teenage son. Hell, I still have my vinyl copy of Aladdin Sane. Time to take it for a spin, thanks Doug.

    And by the way– I agree about the shallow gene pool. I wonder when they will uncover the love letters to Sarah Palin.

  116. 116.

    Xenos

    March 29, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @Kristine: This is actually the third time Dougj has cited ‘Panic in Detroit’ in a post title in the last year. I think he is trying to fit the entire lyric in, line by line, as opportunity presents itself. A worthy project, as I see it.

  117. 117.

    Xenos

    March 29, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    @Xenos: correction- ‘Baby Elephant Walk’, by Henry Mancini.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN2xQ2zqmCI

  118. 118.

    Kristine

    March 29, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    @Xenos:

    A very worthy project.

    Which song to follow? “Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide?” “Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed?”

    I need to dig out the old albums…

  119. 119.

    DPirate

    March 29, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    @The Populist: These names make me want to defend them. I find it unbelievable that they could be a serious terrorist cell run by their Boromanders (GRRRR, lol). This is not just run-of-the-mill lets-blow-people-up crazy, it is crazy-as-a-loon lets-blow-people-up crazy.

    I can’t find Arkons or Boromanders in my bible…

    @Xenos: I’m doubting whether it means anything at all. Maybe it just sounds cool to identify as Boromander of the Hutaree! Perhaps we’ll come to find out that they are not only christian militia, but forerunners of the Borg, oh no!

  120. 120.

    MattR

    March 29, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    I just feel bad for the poor, lowly Gunners.

    If anyone is college age, I would think some of these ranks could be put to use the next time you play Asshole.

  121. 121.

    ZulifFromOhio

    March 29, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    The double-fF is a bit ungainly.

    This thread is so full of win, it’s getting hard to breathe.

  122. 122.

    Arkon DougJ

    March 29, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    @Kristine:

    I was thinking “Life On Mars”.

  123. 123.

    Kristine

    March 29, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    @Arkon DougJ:

    I was thinking “Life On Mars”.

    Excellent choice!

  124. 124.

    JSD

    March 29, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    The jokes they made about the number of the beast were pretty funny. Even if they were batsht crazy, at least they could laugh at themselves:

    670 – Approximate number of the Beast
    DCLXVI – Roman numeral of the Beast
    666.0000000 – Number of the High Precision Beast
    665.9999954 – Number of the Pentium Beast
    0.666 – Number of the Millibeast
    /666 – Beast Common Denominator
    666 x sq. rt (-1) – Imaginary number of the Beast
    1010011010 – Binary of the Beast
    1-666 – Area code of the Beast
    00666 – Zip code of the Beast
    1-900-666-0666 – Live Beasts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. (Must be over 18)
    $665.95 – Retail price of the Beast
    $710.36 – Price of the Beast plus 6.66% state sales tax
    $769.95 – Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
    $606.66 – Price of the Beast at Wal-Mart
    $566.66 – Price of the Beast at Costco
    Phillips 666 – Gasoline of the Beast
    Route 666 – Way of the Beast
    666 F – Oven temperature for roast Beast
    666k – Retirement plan of the Beast
    666 mg – Recommended Daily Allowance of Beast
    6.66 % – 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank ($666 minimum deposit)
    6-6-6.xls – Spreadsheet of the Beast
    Word 6.66 – Word Processor of the Beast
    666i – BMW of the Beast
    DSM-666 (revised) – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
    668 – Next-door neighbor of the Beast

  125. 125.

    tomvox1

    March 29, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    OT: If one reads the comments to Blue Texan’s FDL piece, I think one can see tangible evidence that there has been a massive brain drain at Camp Hamsher. There’s one reply about how a picture of Timothy McVeigh looks uncannily like Timothy McVeigh and another about how Blue Texan’s starting to sound like Liz Cheney because he’s “assuming” these militia dingbats are guilty. Liz Freaking Cheney! The smart, non-Libertarian folks appear to have left the building over there…

  126. 126.

    Wile E. Quixote

    March 30, 2010 at 12:57 am

    So if the Hutaree ever repeal the Hutaree Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell decree will they add the rank of “fabulous pink rifleman”? Jesus I fucking hate these people. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate them. OK, my military service isn’t much. I was a weekend warrior for 13 years, just an NCO, but Jesus, compared to most of the wingnuts out there I’m George S. Patton. God I hate these people.

  127. 127.

    Jimmm

    March 30, 2010 at 1:47 am

    Has no one pointed out that Darko anagrams out to “A Dork”?

    Come on, people.

  128. 128.

    Oily Taint

    March 30, 2010 at 3:06 am

    Back the fuck up; who died and made YOU Arkon?

  129. 129.

    The Raven

    March 30, 2010 at 3:12 am

    Editor Teresa Nielsen Hayden has gathered up a ton of news on this cult. Being Making Light, the discussion rapidly (d)evolves into a discussion of bad fantasy language names.

  130. 130.

    Librarian

    March 30, 2010 at 9:48 am

    When I first heard “Hutaree” on the news, I thought they were saying “Atari”. I thought maybe this was the first right-wing militia to make their revolution into a video game.

  131. 131.

    Paul in KY

    March 30, 2010 at 9:59 am

    I think one of them (above the Arkon pay grade) read too much ‘Dune’. Beware them using the Voice (or a gomjabber).

  132. 132.

    senior gunner eyepaddle

    March 30, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Who else has Sugaree playing in their head when they read Hutaree?

  133. 133.

    matoko_chan

    March 30, 2010 at 10:16 am

    “part Finnegans Wake”

    oh jesus-mary-and-joseph!
    like those retards ever read a word of Finnegan’s Wake.
    Its pretty obvious that they are sub-literate, as well as sub-sapient.

    perhaps Arkon comes from the Cthulhu video game, a bastardization of Lovecraft for semi-literate.

  134. 134.

    PRD

    March 30, 2010 at 10:30 am

    It’s part Dungeons and Dragons, part Finnegans Wake, part modern corporatese (I like that “Senior Gunner” is the second-lowest rank).

    Hey, even the wackiest DnD/LARP nerds don’t label themselves like this. This adorable little ranking system is pure Cult of the Shining Wingnut.

  135. 135.

    matoko_chan

    March 30, 2010 at 11:16 am

    AMG!

    They have a SECRET LANGUAGE!

    Hutaree says on its Web site its name means “Christian warrior” and describes the word as part of a secret language that few are privileged to know.

  136. 136.

    catclub

    March 30, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    boramander: salamander with added borax

  137. 137.

    Tax Analyst

    March 30, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    @mr. whipple zorkon:

    Wow, what a bunch of wackaloons!

    No, I believe “wackaloons” are from an unaffiliated nutjob organization.

  138. 138.

    Tax Analyst

    March 30, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    RANKS:
    RADOK [RD]
    BORAMANDER [BM]
    ZULIF [ZL]
    ARKON [AK]
    GOLD RIFLEMAN [GR]
    SILVER RIFLEMAN [SR]
    BRONZE RIFLEMAN [BR]
    LUKORE [LK]
    MASTER GUNNER [MG]
    SENIOR GUNNER [SG]
    GUNNER [GN]

    This group really needs a rank of “Rimjobber”

    But I’m guessing this is perhaps a secondary title that every Hutareean proudly lugs from sphincter to sphincter.

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

  1. Warriors for God - Elliott Hall says:
    April 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    […] is a word their leader made up to mean ‘Christian Warrior.’ Combine that with their silly ranks (when I grow up, I want to be a Boromander) and amateur training videos, it’s easy to dismiss […]

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