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You are here: Home / Sports / Final Four Open Thread- I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue edition

Final Four Open Thread- I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue edition

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Apparently what WVU is lacking is an 8’4″ center with a 3 inch vertical leap, like that freak of nature ZOubek.

C’mon Mounties, you can do it!

BTW- my mother is very concerned that you all will no longer love Tunch when he loses weight, because we think he is going to lose a lot with all his new activities. I said the love is forever.

Reader Interactions

142Comments

  5. 5.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Open *Threas*?

    Hey John’s mom, we love Tunch no matter what he weighs or how hefty he is. There will always be something to mock and adore. (And BTW, John’s mom, your otherwise admirable son keeps ignoring our pleas, so I’ll ask you directly: how are Ginny and Guesly, and could we plz haz some new pics or vids of them? K. Thx. Bai!)

  11. 11.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    The love for Tunch is eternal, it will never fade, even as he loses weight. Just as my love for my DH is eternal, seeing as he is dropping pounds like the Christian RWNJ’s are dropping the RNC.

    Oh and Britty + 4 at least

  12. 12.

    MikeJ

    Mark S, if they aren’t back by sometime this week when a) I have time and 2) am bored, I’ll do a greasemonkey script to put ém back.

  13. 13.

    Svensker

    my mother is very concerned that you all will no longer love Tunch

    Seriously? That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.

  14. 14.

    gbear

    What’s that?… Of course we love you John… What a silly question…Oh yes, and your cat too. Now quit dicking around and go finish your chores.

  15. 15.

    Mike E

    Is the Tunchster a climber? If so, consider installing a floor to ceiling cat tower, or high shelving along one wall.

  18. 18.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    The previous thread has much better quality Duke hatred.

    Another close-up shot of a bowhead. Bowheads are universal.

    Ouch. They’re helping Butler off the floor. They need to take him into the locker room, that’s painful to watch. Almost as painful as watching Duke dismantle WVU.

  23. 23.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    @stuckinred:

    Or just another doookie living down to expectations.

  24. 24.

    jl

    We will always love, and be with, the TunchForce, no matter what.

    Anything we can do to keep Tunch happy, for ol’ Cole’s sake at the very least.

    As for the game… oh the humanity!

    But there is hope yet, because….

    well, just because.

  26. 26.

    Violet

    Come home, turn on the TV and see a WV player sobbing on the floor. Not a good sign. What happened there?

  28. 28.

    eco2geek

    BTW- my mother is very concerned that you all will no longer love Tunch when he loses weight, because we think he is going to lose a lot with all his new activities.

    Just remember the law of conservation of matter, namely, that mass is neither lost nor gained in closed systems. “Closed systems” includes families, you see, which means that if Tunch loses weight, either you or Lily will gain weight.

    Just sayin’.

  32. 32.

    Maxwel

    Two Duke players have been hit in the ‘nads. Thuggins is trying the Duke gets all the calls defense. Fuck him , and fuck you all and the losing dogs you rode in on.

  33. 33.

    Violet

    BTW- my mother is very concerned that you all will no longer love Tunch when he loses weight, because we think he is going to lose a lot with all his new activities. I said the love is forever.

    Waves hi to John’s mom!

    There’s no way we could stop loving Tunch if we tried. Tunch love is forever, for sure.

  34. 34.

    jl

    All WV needs is a little 8 basket run, is all. It’ll happen right after the commercial break. You will all see.

    As for a skinny Tunch, my main concern is that the next time he is finally, for really reals, had just about enough of Cole’s BS and stingy bedtime snacks, he might be in shape to do something about it.

    I’ll come to the memorial service. Promise.

  37. 37.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    my mother is very concerned that you all will no longer love Tunch

    We will love Tunch at ten pounds
    or eleventy hundred.

    Tunch is the King

    He that roars.

  39. 39.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    The plus side to all of this is that the big massing of Egyptian chariots to haul ass after Moses and Crew hasn’t played yet on ABC. Given how this game sucks hind tit (plus, who wants to watch Duke win?), that means I can bail over to watch that.

    Ah, there goes Joshua on horseback, sorry Cecil, horses weren’t ridden back then, too small, too scrawny.

    Wow, there go the Israelites thru all those statues. Like was said in the other thread, it’s great watching movies like this where the spectacle isn’t CGI shit. Fuck you George Lucas. You probably went to Duke.

  40. 40.

    burnspbesq

    That’s a real shame, Butler getting hurt.

    A great player and by all accounts an outstanding young man.

  42. 42.

    Karen in GA

    My love for Tunch has nothing to do with his weight. Besides, when I need a tubby kitty fix, I can look no further than my own fat cat — she makes Tunch look emaciated by comparison.

    (I’ll be happy for Tunch if he loses weight — mine can’t, no matter what I do. Kitty owner fail.)

  44. 44.

    Kryptik

    This is painful. Physically painful, especially since I know we’ll never get another Final Four caliber team for at least another decade, while Duke will always have that kind of team, because they’re Fucking Duke.

    And half the sports pundits will cheer, of course, because the Final Four should always only be about marquee names. Bleh.

  46. 46.

    Prof. K&G

    Maxwel, as a current Duke employee; who is sitting in his office about 500 feet from cameron stadium; wearing his Duke t-shirt; I think I can safely say; without any conflict of interest:

    please shut up, you huge douchebag.

    Also, Huggins seems like a genuinely great guy. And now I return to hiding.

  47. 47.

    Comrade Luke

    @Kryptik You never know. maybe Huggins will build a nice mini-dynasty.

    But they’ll still be Fucking Duke. I hate them.

    (WTF happened to the reply button? FYWP.)

  52. 52.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    Prof K&G:

    I read something this week, probably in a WaPo sports chat, where somebody who sounded a lot like you (a self-idenfified Duke alum) commented that half the time, Coach K, the players and Duke alumni are their own worst enemies whenever the open their respective mouths.

    Maxwel is certainly living proof of that.

  53. 53.

    Mark S.

    The plus side to all of this is that the big massing of Egyptian chariots to haul ass after Moses and Crew hasn’t played yet on ABC.

    You got a ways to go till that part. The first seven hours of The Ten Commandments is some of the boringest shit ever put on film, but the last hour is some good stuff.

  54. 54.

    AhabTRuler

    We like Tunch far more than we like any former Bush voter, Cole.

    I will, of course, be supporting Tunch in the coming revolution. He is, after all, the one who will supervise it.

  59. 59.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    Time to part the Red Sea.

    Keep in mind that the first Oscar for Best Special Effects went to this. It beat out the Id in “Forbidden Planet”.

  60. 60.

    4jkb4ia

    West Virginia is a marquee name due to the magic of the Big East. Even St. John’s is a marquee name due to the same factor.

  62. 62.

    burnspbesq

    @Comrade Scott’s Agenda of Rage:

    Every fan base has some of those. We have fewer than, say, Maryland.

  65. 65.

    Ash Can

    None of my alma maters are in the Final Four (or anywhere near it, for that matter), so I don’t give a rat’s hiney-hole who plays, wins, loses, or whines to the press the following day.

    Now Tunch, on the other hand, I really do care about.

  66. 66.

    Mark S.

    There go the chariots.

    We must be in a different time zone. Never mind my snotty comment.

  67. 67.

    morzer

    I now have bizarre visions of Pharoah’s finest hurtling towards the net, combined with Tunch giving the scene a vast cheshire cat grin from the heavens. Either I am going slowly mad (a real possibility) or I should stop eating caramel icecream and bananas while reading the comments. Since I have a passion for caramel icecream and bananas, I am forced to conclude that insanity is imminent. I find this strangely comforting, which seems to confirm that I have the right diagnosis.

  69. 69.

    burnspbesq

    West Virginia has been an outstanding defensive team all year. I am amazed thatvwe are on pace to score 80.

  70. 70.

    asiangrrlMN

    Love Tunch forever and ever–no matter his size. Man, that Butler injury was cringe-inducing. Poor kid.

    Go Butler (the team)!

    ETA: At least I have no qualms about for which team I will be rooting in the finals.

  72. 72.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    I am going to start liking Duke because David Sirota hates them.

    Ugh, now I feel slimey–I share something with that asshat. Must take a long, hot shower.

  74. 74.

    Prof. K&G

    Duke alumni are their own worst enemies whenever the open their respective mouths.

    Absolutely. I just got hired here recently, and while the basketball is great (and I get in for free!), there is no denying that we are the bad guys. And guys like Maxwel (and the astonishing density of sweater vests around here) just serve as reminders of that.

  77. 77.

    morzer

    @Schrodinger’s cat

    The exact status of Tunch relative to the reply button cannot be determined.

  81. 81.

    John O

    CL at 73:

    Another reason I like Duke is that they’ll step on your neck, which is at should be.

    K put in an entire second team before Huggy did. You need to make sure at that level.

  82. 82.

    Yutsano

    The exact status of Tunch relative to the reply button cannot be determined.

    Don’t you try to out-Schrödinger me mister. I’m on to you.

  84. 84.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    In other news I planted my veggie garden today, my body hates me, and no amount of lying in the spa bath for an hour could help me, I am going to be so fucked in the morning.

  85. 85.

    burnspbesq

    What other school’s student section would show up with a sign saying “Let’s Ace These Finals?”

  86. 86.

    You Don't Say

    Boooooooo. Boo. Boo.

    And what are these many activities that Tunch will be doing? Besides sitting on a windowsill squawking at birds?

  88. 88.

    John O

    Also, I’m an Illini fan, and twice in my life they’ve been THIS close.

    ’89 was one of those crappy strange rebounds the offense often gets, and ’05’s game was just a minute or two too short, plus Luther Head missed a shot he’d been making all year.

    WV will always be tough as long as Huggins is there.

  89. 89.

    4jkb4ia

    I am going to start liking Duke because David Sirota hates them

    I think liking Duke and populism at least of that sort have an inverse relationship.

  91. 91.

    burnspbesq

    @Maxwell:

    Wow, you really are a douche. Jordan busts his ass in practice for four years, gets a minute here and a minute there, and you begrudge him taking a shot in the context of the offense?

    You’re worse than a Maryland fan.

  93. 93.

    burnspbesq

    @A Mendoza:

    That’s a generous description of Zoubek’s hops. He’s dunked twice this year.

  94. 94.

    comrade scott's agenda of rage

    It’s pretty clear that the ancient Israelites were a pretty feckless bunch. I mean if an obvious slimeball like Edward G Robinson can talk them into idolatry in less than a minute…no wonder the Old Testament god was a vindictive, petty asshole.

    He probably went to doook too.

  96. 96.

    Zulif tyrese

    Maxwel
    don’t let your mouth get you into something your ass can’t get you out of.

    One of the great sayings I’ve picked up here in the south is, “Don’t let your mouth write a check that your ass can’t cash.”

  98. 98.

    morzer

    And what are these many activities that Tunch will be doing? Besides sitting on a windowsill squawking at birds?

    A window-squawker is sort of like a former half-term governor of Alaska, except that you have actual responsibilities.

  100. 100.

    Violet

    Sorry, John Cole. They had a good run. :(

    I’ll be pulling for Butler. A mid-major in the Finals? It’s like a real life “Hoosiers.” Crazy stuff! Go Bulldogs!

  101. 101.

    Yutsano

    My alma mater was last in the final four in 1952.

    Try never. It kinda bites this time of year having gone to two football schools.

  102. 102.

    jl

    You Don’t Say @85:

    “And what are these many activities that Tunch will be doing? Besides sitting on a windowsill squawking at birds?”

    That is a huge progress, if you know Tunch. From recent pics, it appears that he also now moves over to lie down on the pet cover before he takes a nap. For Tunch, that is marathon aerobics workout.

    At this rate, our grandkids will marvel and the svelte Tunch.

  104. 104.

    geg6

    So sorry, John. But your team did have a great tourney and they did the Big East proud. Maybe next year, it’ll be my team, a little older and wiser, that you’ll be cheering for in the Final Four. And please tell Mama Cole that I’d love Tunch no matter what and I don’t even like cats.

  105. 105.

    MikeJ

    Unrelated to NCAA:
    In Jesus Christ, Superstar, Judas betrays Jesus because he (Jesus) is insufficiently ideologically pure.

    Compare and contrast with Glenbots and firebaggers.

  106. 106.

    Comrade Kevin

    Try never. It kinda bites this time of year having gone to two football schools.

    Well, my alma mater has not had a football team since around 1993, and before that, they were division 2 for a long time.

    Very good soccer program, though.

  108. 108.

    Kryptik

    Butler better beat the shit out of Duke. Because it’ll be utterly insufferable if Duke wins the whole thing outright, and it’ll continue to be ‘LOL, little non-marquee losers’ by the usual suspects that fellate the big-name schools.

  109. 109.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Morzer #97:

    A window-squawker is sort of like a former half-term governor of Alaska, except that you have actual responsibilities.

    WIN!

  111. 111.

    Dee Loralei

    Sorry about your Eers, Cole. I’ll be rooting for Butler Monday.

    Svelte Tunch will be as loved as fat Tunch.

    Yutsano, I went to a football school who sometimes does really well at basketball.Also baseball, gymnastics and wrestling. And our tall bitches in crimson britches are in the Final 4 tomorrow night! Boomer Sooner!

  112. 112.

    grumpy realist

    OK John, now you have me curious. What’s this fantastic exercise routine that you have Tunch on?

    (I imagine a large, Tunch-sized hamster wheel in the middle of your place.)

    Anyone good at Photoshop?

  113. 113.

    Maxwel

    @burnswhatever I was joking, moron. Is this a TeaBagger forum? The stench of stupidity is overwhelming.

  115. 115.

    CynDee

    John Cole: You have a first-class Mom as well as a fine Kitteh who will always be evolving into his Best Self. Unless he’s done evolving. He really does seem like some kind of higher form.

    I just watched Puppies Drying Themselves again. I treat myself to this a couple of times a month.

    Mark S. :

    The first seven hours of The Ten Commandments is some of the boringest shit ever put on film, but the last hour is some good stuff.

    So glad you thought that over. I mean, what about raiding the temple granaries. “What is food for the gods will not sour in the belly of a slave!”

    And Nefertiri beating the old Pharoah at hounds and jackals while Rameses strides and glowers. And then there’s Moses and a beautiful girl saving Moses’ mother — his MOTHER, for goodness sake — from being crushed by a stone AND the giant obelisk rising over the new treasure city with 2000 SLAVES ON THOSE ROPES and Moses using devastating cool reason to overcome Ramses’ nasty accusations? And Vincent Price getting a big bad surprise, AND those beautiful gowns and veils and things! And don’t get me started on the plagues and the MUSIC and crossing the desert and fighting the goatherds!

    OK, I’m done. I’ve got it on DVD and what’s more, I’ve known the whole thing by heart since 1956. There’s never been anything like it.

  116. 116.

    morzer

    I was joking, moron. Is this a TeaBagger forum? The stench of stupidity is overwhelming.

    I don’t think understatement works for you. Perhaps you should consider ramping up the rhetoric a touch?

  118. 118.

    mai naem

    I turned the teevee on when I got home tonight and it was still on MSNBC(I say this because I don’t want anybody to think I actually ever watch lock up.) They have a lock up across the world piece where they’ve showed a prison in Serbia with an Olympic sized pool and weekend passes. Hell, they’ve showed prisons in Eastern Europe that are better than any American prisons. And, oh yeah, my alma mater has won the NCAA championship and been in the final four several times and also too, had the longest streak of appearing in the NCAAs till this year.

  119. 119.

    Jason Bylinowski

    is there ever even maybe a three day period of the year when there isn’t a fucking sport to put up with? go ahead, call me a party pooper. in return i’ll tell you i don’t give a rat’s ass, because you’re not the one who has to deal with this endless parade of sports teams, none of whom make my dinner, pay me money or give me a hard-on in any way whatsoever. i ask humbly, what is the fucking point?, and again, can anyone point to a calendar and tell me when is the half-hour in which no sports season is active, because I am thinking very seriously of starting a cult, and that time period will be like our Easter-like time of renewal every year. & yeah, i have an alma mater, too, for those of you about to mention that, and i don’t give a shit about it either.

    ::slowly comes to::

    Wha? Shit, guys, I’m sorry. March madness, man. March fucking madness. Does it every year.

  120. 120.

    Honus

    Maxwel,
    Did you actually go to Duke? Because I’ve been dealing with you losers for over 30 years and if there’s a definition of an alligator mouth attached to a tadpole ass, it’s a dookie.

  123. 123.

    tesslibrarian

    We love Tunch’s attitude. That’s unlikely to get smaller.

    (Edit: Also–Go Dawgs! Wrong season, but the spring game is next Saturday.)

  126. 126.

    Yutsano

    Now that there shall be either great rendering of garments and/or massive celebration that may or may not involve the burning of couches, I can haz new thread plz?

  128. 128.

    Loneoak

    Based on the pictorial evidence, Tunch’s “activities” are staring at a window and getting wasted on the nip.

    Just like me.

  133. 133.

    Dilbatt

    Uh, I will believe the weight loss stories when I see the evidence. I have a big, fat cat too, and it is hard as hell to get the weight off of him. Good luck.

  134. 134.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    Tommy the Cat sez: Teh luv fer Tunch iz a fixt valu witch wen devidead intu hiz wait givz a luv pur ownce rashio.

    My interpretation: Less Tunch means more love per remaining ounce. :)

  135. 135.

    ricky

    Dee Loralei @ 111

    Yutsano, I went to a football school who sometimes does really well at basketball.Also baseball, gymnastics and wrestling. And our tall bitches in crimson britches are in the Final 4 tomorrow night! Boomer Sooner!

    We know imported Texans are responsible for your school’s football program. It appears them are who influences grammar there as well.

  136. 136.

    Restrung

    A window-squawker is sort of like a former half-term governor of Alaska, except that you have actual responsibilities.

    too good for even an oooh, snap. As a fellow St Paulite might say, “TUUUUUUUUUUUUU” …never mind.

  138. 138.

    morzer

    Let’s put it this way punk. I ran marathons at 200

    Well, some people are slow developers. But I am glad you got there in the end.

  139. 139.

    Steeplejack

    @John Cole:

    [. . .] my mother is very concerned that you all will no longer love Tunch when he loses weight, because we think he is going to lose a lot with all his new activities. I said the love is forever.

    My love for the Tunch is whole; it is complete; it is total. And I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction of the Tunch love.

  140. 140.

    Skepticat

    Are we the slightest bit insulted that John’s mother thinks that we’re that shallow?

  142. 142.

    Prof. K&G

    Let’s put it this way punk. I ran marathons at 200

    And you have to be at the gym in 26 minutes, right?

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