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You are here: Home / Sports / Not Worthy

Not Worthy

by @heymistermix.com|  April 8, 20107:25 am| 103 Comments

This post is in: Sports, General Stupidity, I Smell a Pulitzer!

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Under the headline A Masters win would be too much too soon for Tiger Woods, some Kaplan sports columnist writes:

We know that bad things happen to good people. We cope with it. But when great things happen to people who have acted badly, especially if the bonanza comes fast and arrives ringed with robes of glory, don’t we have to draw the line? I’m forgiving, but my brain hasn’t turned into pimento cheese. If Woods has a tap-in to win the Masters, I hope his conscience helps him yip it and lip it. Win any other week. But not here. Not now.

Are all sports columnists this fucking stupid, or did I just happen to glance at the sports part of the webpage on a bad day?

If this guy wins a Pulitzer (which I’ll grant is pretty unlikely), I hope he’ll have the common decency to give it back if he cheated on his wife or girlfriend. Because I can’t deal with the cognitive dissonance of someone’s hard work and talent being rewarded if they’ve done anything wrong in their personal life.

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Reader Interactions

103Comments

  1. 1.

    Scott

    April 8, 2010 at 7:29 am

    No, sorry, all sports columnists are that dumb.

  2. 2.

    Nikki

    April 8, 2010 at 7:30 am

    I am in complete agreement with the commenter on that article who said he wrote it for the page views. Nothing else can possibly explain such willful stupidity.

  3. 3.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 7:33 am

    @Scott: That is a dumb statement.

  4. 4.

    Warren Terra

    April 8, 2010 at 7:35 am

    If this guy’s got some evidence that philandering (or national humiliation) offers some unfair performance-enhancing advantage in golf, then he’s got a case, and the golf world will be a lot more fun.

  5. 5.

    Warren Terra

    April 8, 2010 at 7:38 am

    @ Scott,
    I don’t read sports columns, but Charlie Piece (1) isn’t dumb and (2) makes the argument that sportswriters make short-term verifiable predictions and are more accountable than other pundits.

  6. 6.

    beltane

    April 8, 2010 at 7:38 am

    My big hope is that Tiger kicks some serious butt this weekend. Nothing says F-U like winning.

    And sports columnists are mostly stupid in the same way as political columnists, except they spew their breathless garbage on a subject that is of no real importance in the scheme of things. Sports are entertainment-a diversion and distraction. To put so much energy into critiquing a mere diversion is its own form of stupidity.

    Tiger must be impeached or the moral order of the country will be destroyed.

  7. 7.

    db

    April 8, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Yes, almost all of them are that stupid. Most of them are the from the same branch of the family tree as the rightwing talkers.

  8. 8.

    Mike Kay

    April 8, 2010 at 7:41 am

    You’d think this guy never heard of Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Wilt Chamberlin, Al Davis, George Steinbrenner, Bobby Knight, and Pete Rose.

  9. 9.

    beltane

    April 8, 2010 at 7:41 am

    @Warren Terra: Sports columnists at least understand the subject they are writing about, its history, etc., and they can usually do math, which puts them way ahead of most political pundits.

  10. 10.

    jb

    April 8, 2010 at 7:41 am

    I’m hoping Woods shoots 80 today, not because I care about his adultery, but because if he wins this weekend, it will suck up so much journalistic air that the Rapture could happen and nobody will notice.

    FWIW, I believe the overwhelming talent gap between Woods and the rest of the golfers on the tour is bad for the sport. When the same guy wins all the time–or what passes for “all the time” in golf, which is to say *far* more frequently than any other golfer–it’s not good for the game. The sports media has tried to gin up a “rivalry” between Woods and Phil Mickelson, but the fact is that if the two golfers played head-to-head 10 times, Woods would win eight of them. It’s not Jack and Arnie, no matter how often softheads like Mike Tirico and Jim Nantz say that it is.

  11. 11.

    Mudge

    April 8, 2010 at 7:43 am

    I’ll go look for an equivalent article about John Ensign..moral outrage at Kaplan is used pointedly and sparingly.

  12. 12.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 7:46 am

    @jb: He’s tee’s off at 1:50. It will be raining by 3pm over there so he’s not going to “shoot” much of anything.

  13. 13.

    aimai

    April 8, 2010 at 7:47 am

    I detest golf and tiger woods but I agree with jb–what is this argument that Woods “should” lose out of sheer humility and unwillingness to embarrass the rest of the players with his cold virtuosity but the same argument that was advanced when Obama got his peace prize (or, hell, the White House)? That argument (though there were many variations) was basically that he was making everyone else look bad what with the winning and the charm and the great family and the blackness and all his other unfair advantages so shouldn’t the gods, or Obama himself, shave a bit off so the others wouldn’t feel so bad? The arrogance of it all! Couldn’t Obama see he was hurting McCain’s feelings? Similarly, can’t Woods see that his precision playing and his ability to have sex with millions of fans and still not get distracted by losing his precious bodily fluids is making the rest of the chaste profession and its watchers feel bad? Will no one take pity of the golfers who can’t SCORE?

    aimai

  14. 14.

    JGabriel

    April 8, 2010 at 7:49 am

    But when great things happen to people who have acted badly, especially if the bonanza comes fast and arrives ringed with robes of glory, don’t we have to draw the line?

    Not if you’re a capitalist. Ask Goldman Sachs, Citigroup, etc., …

    So. Does Tiger Woods make a fuckload of money?

    Yes?

    Ah. Well, no consequences then.

    (To be fair, at least Woods actually does make a lot of money for being successful in his profession, rather than losing it by the trillions like the Wall Street robbers.)

    .

  15. 15.

    beltane

    April 8, 2010 at 7:53 am

    @Mudge: John Ensign is a solid family values Republican. How dare you hold him to the same high standards as someone who hits a ball with a stick for a living?

  16. 16.

    MattF

    April 8, 2010 at 7:56 am

    As a matter of fact, the column’s author, Tom Boswell, is highly regarded and could well win a ‘career’ Pulitzer someday. I’d agree that he should stick to sports– the prospects for a new career in moralizing look dim.

  17. 17.

    eric

    April 8, 2010 at 8:03 am

    allow me to be the first to say “black, blackity, black, white womens, blackity Tiger, black.”

    Doesnt this mean the Steelers should be ashamed of winning this year, too, also?

  18. 18.

    Brick Oven Bill

    April 8, 2010 at 8:05 am

    There are too many, with too much to gain for themselves, and their agents. Teabaggers understand women.

    One of these females will make it through security and generate a scene.

    Then there will be the reality TV show.

  19. 19.

    The Grand Panjandrum

    April 8, 2010 at 8:05 am

    To show his humility for being a dumbfuck hack Boswell should quit his job at Kaplan Daily and become a blogger at Redstate.

  20. 20.

    Swellsman

    April 8, 2010 at 8:09 am

    If Tiger Woods doesn’t win the Masters and then, during his on-air interview, turn to the camera and proclaim, ‘THE PIMP HAND IS STRONG!” then it won’t have been worth it.

  21. 21.

    J.

    April 8, 2010 at 8:09 am

    So Tiger does Augusta. (PGA-sanctioned fore play?) I hope he goes there and birdies every other hole.

  22. 22.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 8:13 am

    Downhill Racer, Redford 1969

    In this film, Robert Redford plays David Chappellet a young man training on a ski team with hopes of making the Olympics. The film is basically a character study of a somewhat narcissistic, shallow, self-centered guy from a simple rural background who dreams of attaining fame and fortune by entering the Olympics as a downhill racer. Throughout the film we see examples of his failure to connect with people. He visits his dad on his ranch and is received with complete coldness and indifference. He pulls into town and picks up an old girl friend, takes her for a ride and they have sex. Afterwards, he completely ignores her when she tries to tell him about her life. He pursues Camilla Sparv who plays the beautiful Carole Stahl. In her, he has met his match. She seems to be someone who also uses people, never lets them get very close and always has an agenda to get what she wants. She works for a ski manufacturer who seems to use her to bait the young up and coming skiing stars that he seeks to groom for product advice and future endorsements. She is narcissistic, shallow and self-centered like him but she is also elusive. This plays to the competitor in him and she knows that.

    Duh.

  23. 23.

    eric

    April 8, 2010 at 8:13 am

    I wonder how he feels about Calipari winning at UK after his last two schools forfeited seasons for on-the-job misdeeds. How about Reggie Bush; OJ Mayo…….etcetera, etcetera, etcetera……

    I just dont get why Tiger owes humility to anyone other than Mrs. Tiger.

    MJ was worse than Tiger and it was NEVER reported in the mainstream press. Maybe that is it. They all knew about tiger and are embarrassed that the tabloids reported it making THEM look complicit or incompetent.

  24. 24.

    jerry 101

    April 8, 2010 at 8:16 am

    No, they’re all that stupid. Many sports writers are in David Broder-stupid territory. The rest make David Broder look like a genius (for example, Jay Mariotti – I’m not sure how someone that stupid stays alive).

  25. 25.

    ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty

    April 8, 2010 at 8:16 am

    I don’t generally enjoy golf on tv but I love to watch Tiger play. I don’t care a fig about his private life but I would enjoy it tremendously if he wins another Masters this week, by about 6 strokes, and puts on the green jacket again.

    Win or lose, the Masters is worth watching just because he is playing. I got to see a lot of Willie Mays playing baseball, and Juan Marichal pitching, and I heard Louis Armstrong play the trumpet, and watching Tiger play golf fits right in with those experiences. Who could trade those for anything? Not me.

    So some sportswriter made himself notorious for five seconds by riffing off Woods’ personal life. Whoever he is, he’ll be forgotten long before the sports world forgets Tiger Woods.

  26. 26.

    kay

    April 8, 2010 at 8:16 am

    I’m tired of Tiger Woods apologizing. I hope he’s not doing it on my behalf. I never thought that his marriage was any of my business, and I still don’t.
    I understand he has contractual obligations with his sponsors, but I actually think that aspect is also none of my business.
    I think this might be easier if we all acknowledged the obvious: professional sports is part of the entertainment business. It may be other things to people, and that’s fine and wonderful, but the essence of the thing is it’s a business.
    Rush Limbaugh didn’t get that, either. I don’t know why it’s so difficult.

  27. 27.

    Mike Kay

    April 8, 2010 at 8:17 am

    WaPo has always been hung-up on sex.

    lest we forget Sally Quinn saying Clinton’s blow job was worse than watergate.

  28. 28.

    Mike Kay

    April 8, 2010 at 8:20 am

    @jerry 101: so you’re from chicago. He used to have to take security with him to Cominsky Park.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyesUCKydN8

  29. 29.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 8:22 am

    @Mike Kay: Rick Telander is not stupid, now Jay Marriotti. . .

  30. 30.

    J.W. Hamner

    April 8, 2010 at 8:23 am

    The Post used to have the best sportswriters in the biz… of which Boswell was one… but at some point they decided they needed to get page views more than they needed well written opinions, and we see what that has left us.

    Once upon a time, Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser were exemplary sportswriters… now it’s a farce.

  31. 31.

    geg6

    April 8, 2010 at 8:23 am

    OMG, a professional athlete had sex outside of marriage!! And may have the temerity to win after all of that!! What is the world coming to??

    Seriously, these people need to get a fucking life. Wonder if this idiot sportswriter ever did anything wrong in his life? Wonder, should he have, if he’ll whiff on his next column or turn down a Pulitzer to show his humility?

    And I was seriously disgusted by the asshole that runs Augusta shoving himself in front of the cameras so he can self-righteously dress Tiger down. Fuck that asshole. They treat an entire gender down there as if they’ll catch cooties if a woman would ever compete there and the stories about how they treated Tiger when he first competed there (as if one of the lawn jockeys had wandered onto the course). And I have to look at this dickhead acting all outraged that the blackety, black, black guy screwed around on his wife?

    Fuck the Masters. I hope Tiger runs away with it and then does an Ochocinco dance as they put the green jacket on him. And invites Kanye West to partner with him during the press conference afterward.

  32. 32.

    someguy

    April 8, 2010 at 8:24 am

    I admire Woods’ balls. He’s the best golfer in the world, super rich, was banging a dozen or more women more or less simultaneously (and treating them like shit if you’ve read any of the stories), got away with a drunk driving crash, is probably getting away with taking performance enhancing drugs, and all of us are talking about him and making the companies he represents want to throw more money at him.

    If anybody deserves to lose, it’s us. We’re morons for creating a class of super-rich athletes who aren’t subject to any rules. You have to admire somebody like Tiger or (we’ll see) Ben Roethlisberger who can get away with doing whatever they want to do so long as they can throw / hit / catch a ball. I like it because pro sports tells the truth about what we value and it cuts through all the bullshit we tell ourselves about how great we are.

  33. 33.

    Toast

    April 8, 2010 at 8:25 am

    This guy needs to redirect his outrage towards the real culprit here: Alien Wizards.

  34. 34.

    kay

    April 8, 2010 at 8:25 am

    @Mike Kay:

    WaPo has always been hung-up on sex.

    They’re completely full of it, too. They worship winners. The minute he wins, all will be forgiven. I suggest he strut around a lot and jeer at them, post-win. That’s been effective.

  35. 35.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 8:26 am

    @geg6: Billy Payne, head of the Atlanta Olympic Organizing Committee,

  36. 36.

    geg6

    April 8, 2010 at 8:28 am

    @stuckinred:

    Well, that explains a lot. He fucked that up, too. I was there for a couple of days and that was the biggest clusterfuck I’ve ever seen in my life.

  37. 37.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 8:28 am

    And, as Howard would say, speaking of sports:

    LEXINGTON, Ky. — John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins delivered on their promise to help coach John Calipari return Kentucky to national prominence.

    The freshman All-Americans are among five Kentucky players who declared for the NBA draft on Wednesday, an exodus that includes freshman guard Eric Bledsoe, freshman center Daniel Orton and junior forward Patrick Patterson.

  38. 38.

    Warren Terra

    April 8, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Augusta must be pretty happy: it’s the Masters and everyone’s talking about how one rich talented prick demeans women, instead of talking about how an entire wealthy establishment institution does so.

  39. 39.

    eric

    April 8, 2010 at 8:33 am

    @stuckinred: wow, they agreed to a cut in pay. shocking.

    :)

  40. 40.

    eric

    April 8, 2010 at 8:34 am

    @Warren Terra: from their perspective his blackness is an added bonus…

  41. 41.

    4tehlulz

    April 8, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Boswell is usually a bit better than this, but this was a stupid column.

    That said, I wonder if this column was written before or after Tiger’s latest commercial. I usually don’t give a shit about golf, but after that, I’m hoping some no name owns his ass on Sunday. Good work, Nike marketing dept.

  42. 42.

    Shalimar

    April 8, 2010 at 8:34 am

    Are all sports columnists this fucking stupid

    No, but the vast majority of them write stuff that is that stupid because controversy generates hits in the sports world even more than in politics.

  43. 43.

    flukebucket

    April 8, 2010 at 8:40 am

    I got as far as “the damage he’s done to golf” and just quit reading. What a fuckin’ moron.

    And Billy Payne can choke on his own balls as far as I am concerned.

  44. 44.

    Shygetz

    April 8, 2010 at 8:41 am

    As someone at the WaPo seems to have forgotten, Tiger didn’t just screw all twenty-some-odd women in the last few months. This behavior has been going on for years. In fact, this is probably the first tournament in a LONG while that Tiger isn’t screwing around at. So, if a “bad person” having success makes his head explode, then it’s too late–Tiger won tons of majors whilst getting his swerve on. But apparently it didn’t happen until you found out about it, so Tiger was just now being bad. But those previous major wins, those were fine.

    I swear, I hope Tiger wins, then grabs the first white woman he sees and lays one on her on national TV.

  45. 45.

    Uloborus

    April 8, 2010 at 8:43 am

    That’s still not what Cognitive Dissonance means. BLAAARG!

    I personally don’t give two froofras either way about Tiger’s sex life. If a professional athlete isn’t a jackass I’m surprised, and having affairs is the rule, not the exception for the rich and powerful and always has been. Women, too. To act like this is different is absurd.

    Occam’s Razor says it’s an easy way to make a sensational story, I guess.

  46. 46.

    Pigs & Spiders

    April 8, 2010 at 8:44 am

    Curses! All my hopes and dreams have been dashed…by myself!

  47. 47.

    madmommy

    April 8, 2010 at 8:44 am

    I saw the odious Billy Payne make his traditional statement this morning on Sports Center. What a wanker this guy is! Tiger Woods doesn’t owe me, or Billy, or any other fan or player of the game of golf a damn thing. The only people he owes explanations and apologies to are his family and the sponsors who pay him boatloads of cash. But for Payne, or a sports writer to get their knickers all in a bunch is bullshit. Wood’s job is to play golf, not to be some perfect statue. He’s not the first professional athlete to screw up in a spectacular fashion, and he won’t be the last. I do think there’s more than a little blackity, black guy thing going on here. Tiger has always been a magnet for that sort of thing, given his ethnicity in a game that had been nearly lily white.

    What bothers me is that the networks who televise tournaments will always hype that Tiger is playing, and no matter how far down the leader board he is, they will always feature his rounds over all others. This is not Tiger’s fault, of course, but it helps play into the animosity felt towards him in certain circles. Bottom line is the ratings are up in any tourney that Tiger plays in. Networks run on ratings, so of course they’re going to feature him. I think he’ll probably play well this weekend, hell the man won the US Open on one leg-and with an extra round playoff at that!

  48. 48.

    JR

    April 8, 2010 at 8:46 am

    Am I the only person who doesn’t give a shit about Eldrick? Well, other than agreeing with Boswell to a point — I hope ALL golfers do not succeed. Talk about a useless activity.

    That said, Eldrick seems to be a bigger prick than most of them, so sure, I hope he chokes on it this week. But if the entire golfing world disappeared tomorrow, I’d be really, really happy.

  49. 49.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 8:47 am

    @<a href="https://balloon-juice.com/2010/04/08/not-@geg6: You know, living in Athens it was great. We were able to walk to Sanford Stadium for all the soccer. When we went to Atlanta we just ignored the directions and parked on the street at Grant Park and rode our bikes to Turner Field. I know it was badly organized but, for us, it was great.

  50. 50.

    low-tech cyclist

    April 8, 2010 at 8:49 am

    As soon as I read the clip, I thought, “I’ll bet that’s Boswell.”

    I’m a big fan of Boswell’s – I knew him back in another lifetime, and he was a genuinely good person. But as a sportswriter, he’s got some major weaknesses despite being very good as a pure writer. He tends to let his enthusiasms (or his negative views on things, in this case) take over his cognitive functions at times.

    This is clearly one of those times. Don’t judge Boswell by this one column, but this isn’t a total outlier either.

    (Note to J.W. Hamner @30: Kornheiser has never been an exemplary sportswriter. He’s really a guy who cracks jokes about sports, but his depth of understanding is often only barely deeper than that of the average casual fan. Wilbon, OTOH, really knows his stuff.)

  51. 51.

    stuckinred

    April 8, 2010 at 8:50 am

    @madmommy: Michelson’s comments were the best, “He has made me and many other players rich, he doesn’t owe me anything” (paraphrase).

  52. 52.

    Skip Intro

    April 8, 2010 at 8:52 am

    I agree that the WaPo column is stupid, but what’s actually got me angry is that Billy Payne speech.

    Now, I don’t care about golf and figure Woods’ problem is with his family, not me, so obviously I’m not qualified to be a sports journalist, but when Augusta National allows women members, maybe then its chairman will have some moral credibility.

    Dear God, save us from these sanctimonious pricks.

  53. 53.

    WereBear

    April 8, 2010 at 8:54 am

    I really don’t understand the fuss about Tiger Wood’s press conference the other day.

    You mean the guy who was living a lie for years, fooling the press and public alike with an artificial image everyone apparently fell for?

    I’m supposed to listen to him now?

  54. 54.

    geg6

    April 8, 2010 at 9:00 am

    Only tangentially related to this thread because it’s not about Tiger or golf, but I read this post this morning and thought that it explains the problems with assholes in the media, whether sports or political or entertainment even. Followed a link from Fallows (of course):

    http://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2010/04/the-bias-of-veteran-journalists/38426/

    We know this, but it’s nice to know that some journalists do, too.

  55. 55.

    madmommy

    April 8, 2010 at 9:02 am

    @stuckinred:

    I love Lefty. He’s got such talent, and yet the “Tin Cup” side of his personality takes over at the most inopportune times. You can see the wheels turning- “yeah, I could lay up, but I could also hit right handed, bounce it off that tree, over the port-a-let and down the cart path!”

  56. 56.

    lotus

    April 8, 2010 at 9:04 am

    I detest golf …

    Huh. Of all the games I know of, golf is the one I’d least expect anyone to find reason to “detest.” Jeepers, aimai, what a surprise.

  57. 57.

    Brien Jackson

    April 8, 2010 at 9:06 am

    I don’t have a lot of use for MSM sports columnists, but I’m not sure I’d say stupidity is the problem. As someone up thread said, sports is an entertainment business, and these guys are basically a part of the sports entertainment complex. Their job is to provoke a reaction, to get you to havea visceral response. The problem is that the political pundits have adopted the business model, because the serious stuff is a tad more important than sports.

  58. 58.

    Noonan

    April 8, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Yo, Dr. King, I’mma let you finish, but I hope you don’t succeed with your Dream too quickly because of those ladies you’ve been seeing on the side.

    — Thomas Boswell, 1964

  59. 59.

    flukebucket

    April 8, 2010 at 9:12 am

    FWIW, I believe the overwhelming talent gap between Woods and the rest of the golfers on the tour is bad for the sport. When the same guy wins all the time—or what passes for “all the time” in golf, which is to say far more frequently than any other golfer—it’s not good for the game.

    I don’t know about that JB. I guess it depends on how you define what good for the game is.

    Michelson’s comments were the best, “He has made me and many other players rich, he doesn’t owe me anything”

    I rest my case.

    I would love to see him win going away. But considering all that has happened and the time he has been away from the game I will be surprised if he makes the top ten.

  60. 60.

    ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty

    April 8, 2010 at 9:13 am

    @aimai:

    Lolwhut?

  61. 61.

    Jay in Oregon

    April 8, 2010 at 9:17 am

    @geg6:

    OMG, a professional athlete had sex outside of marriage!! And may have the temerity to win after all of that!! What is the world coming to??

    The reason this infuriates so many people is because it flies in the face of their belief system –that “good” people will rise to the top and be successful because of their obvious whiteness goodness, and “bad” people will fail because of their moral turpitude.

  62. 62.

    DH Walker

    April 8, 2010 at 9:18 am

    No, but the vast majority of them write stuff that is that stupid because controversy generates hits in the sports world even more than in politics.

    You’re giving them far too much credit. Most sports commentators are people who (1) have a great deal of experience watching sports and can remember athletes’ names, and (2) are opinionated. No actual intelligence is required.

  63. 63.

    AkaDad

    April 8, 2010 at 9:22 am

    Is Tiger ready for a week where only he firmly grips his wood?

  64. 64.

    geg6

    April 8, 2010 at 9:22 am

    @jb:

    FWIW, I believe the overwhelming talent gap between Woods and the rest of the golfers on the tour is bad for the sport.

    How so? I never watched a single golf event in my life before Tiger came along. I mean, why watch something I find so boring and useless even when I’ve played it? But, I admit, I found Tiger made the sport more interesting to me. Why is that? I don’t know, but it may be that he’s more attractive than any golfer in the history of golf (I’m a red-blooded American woman who appreciates a hot guy) or that he has charisma (a trait that no golfer since Arnie has had) or that he really is amazing in a sport that is generally like watching paint dry. But I watch when he’s playing.

    I can’t see how that is bad.

  65. 65.

    Jon H

    April 8, 2010 at 9:26 am

    It’s sports. It means nothing. Sports writers are basically not much different than celebrity fashion and gossip writers.

  66. 66.

    JohnR

    April 8, 2010 at 9:28 am

    Are all sports columnists this fucking stupid

    Nothing to do with stupidity or lack of it. It’s all about the sanctimony. Personally, I don’t read sports columns (back when I actually read them) to be anything more than entertained. They’re no better or worse than pretty much all punditry: “My beliefs are reality; if you don’t agree with me, you’re simply wrong by definition.” I used to like the writing styles of some of them, and especially enjoyed when they made me get out stats books and start looking into claims they casually tossed off as “everyone knows” facts. But, human nature being what it is, no pundit (sports or not) can resist a sex scandal – every column then turns into a sort of inverted version of a Rick-roll.

  67. 67.

    benjallen

    April 8, 2010 at 9:33 am

    I agree, that’s a stupid column, but Boswell is fantastic and should be allowed an occasional bone-headed statement.

  68. 68.

    EdTheRed

    April 8, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Most sportswriters are this dumb, but Bill Simmons had the best suggestion for Tiger: embrace the “heel turn,” Hollywood Hulk Hogan-style, get divorced, keep banging cocktail waitresses, and kick ass on the course.

    I think Tony Montana said it best:

    What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There’s a bad guy comin’ through! Better get outta his way!

  69. 69.

    Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle

    April 8, 2010 at 9:37 am

    @Mike Kay: Which is weird because this guy(Boswell) is as old as most of those you listed who are alive. He’s not some snot-nosed kid just out of J-school.

  70. 70.

    Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle

    April 8, 2010 at 9:41 am

    @EdTheRed: Bill Simmons isn’t one to talk after the ass he made of himself a couple of weeks ago.

  71. 71.

    Jager

    April 8, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Yes, many sportswriters are idiots.

    I watched a post game interveiw with Terry Francona the Red Sox manager. Three games into the season he is fielding questions like this:

    SW: “What are you going to do about David Ortiz?” (he’s 1 for 11 with1 rbi in three games)
    Francona: “What do you mean?”
    SW: “The fans want Lowell in the DH spot.”
    Francona: “If you manage like a fan, you are a fan!”
    SW: “Yeah, but Ortiz isn’t what he used to be, he had a bad year last year.”
    Francona: “David drove in 99 runs last year.” (15th in the league, the top guy Texiera had 122)
    SW: “Yeah, but!”
    Francona: “He drove in ninety-nine runs last year”

    The writers persisted with this bullshit, the story was led with interviews featuring disgruntled fans! 3 games into the damned season!

  72. 72.

    Violet

    April 8, 2010 at 9:41 am

    If Tiger wins, I hope he dons a leather jacket and rides off on a motorcycle, flipping the bird to those left in his dust. Suck on that, bitches!

  73. 73.

    Sarcastro

    April 8, 2010 at 9:43 am

    @lotus: Huh. Of all the games I know of, golf is the one I’d least expect anyone to find reason to “detest.”

    You’re kidding right? I think I might, and that’s a big might, rank it as less detestable than horse racing, polo and using peasants as skeet targets.

  74. 74.

    slippy

    April 8, 2010 at 9:46 am

    You know I’ve had some dreams in my life. At one time I thought I could be a musician (and sometimes still do) and at others, I thought I could maybe be a novelist (and sometimes still do).

    But I have never had so little aspiration or self-respect as to imagine myself being so completely a waste of society’s time and space that all I do is write about sports.

  75. 75.

    PonB

    April 8, 2010 at 9:46 am

    As I read this post, I was also watching Mike and Mike on ESPN2…they gave an update saying that some guy named Brian Gay was leading the tournament. Based on Boswell’s logic, shouldn’t he have been prevented from entering the tournament because of his name alone? Wouldn’t all people with that name (Tyson Gay, Rudy Gay, for example) be automatically removed from their sports?

    Yes, I remember when CNS did an auto-replace on that word in their news feed – boy, that Tyson Homosexual sure is fast!

  76. 76.

    Jon H

    April 8, 2010 at 9:47 am

    @Skip Intro: “I agree that the WaPo column is stupid, but what’s actually got me angry is that Billy Payne speech.”

    Shorter Billy Payne: “I told you this was gonna happen if we let the coloreds play”.

  77. 77.

    Persia

    April 8, 2010 at 9:50 am

    @geg6: The problem for the sport is that when Tiger stops playing– and eventually he will– you may well stop watching. It’s a bubble.

    I don’t think Tiger should start sucking to make up for this, but IMO it is a problem for the sport’s future.

    ETA: I could care less about golf, Tiger or no Tiger, so I don’t know why I have an opinion, but there it is!

  78. 78.

    lotus

    April 8, 2010 at 9:53 am

    @Sarcastro:

    No, not kidding, and I still don’t follow y’all. A non-violent game whose rulebook enforces honesty and mannerliness (at least during the course of play)? What’s to detest? I can see why someone might well detest particular people who play it, but as for the game itself — nope, sorry, that makes me no sense a-tall.

  79. 79.

    SRW1

    April 8, 2010 at 10:22 am

    What you mean? Winning one of them green jackets is just about taking a walk with a round thing and a stick and hitting the round thing into the holes they left for some odd reason on the otherwise pretty immaculate landscape? You mean there’s no divine recognition of a superior being in the ability to do that better than others? You can’t be serious! This guy at the Kaplan gazette and all them other reporters would never sweat all day working up tasty plays on words if that’s all there is to it. THERE’S GOT TO BE MORE TO IT!

  80. 80.

    catclub

    April 8, 2010 at 10:31 am

    @lotus: #55

    “Huh. Of all the games I know of, golf is the one I’d least expect anyone to find reason to “detest.” Jeepers, aimai, what a surprise. ”

    I’m with aimai. Well, actually if I cared I would be with aimai. I enjoy watching golf (it is only surpassed by Bob Ross for putting me to sleep in front of the TV) but have NO interest in playing.

    If you look at sports and amusements from the point of view of which has the most writing about them, baseball and golf are very high up, and so is fishing. Football and basketball are fairly far behind.

    Chess and bridge win (in the total written sweepstakes) on table games. I like table tennis, because I can really have a lot of fun at it. Even if I am not very good.

    “A good walk spoiled” is an unrivaled putdown. I am sure there are similar ones for the other amusements, but they generally are longer.

  81. 81.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

    April 8, 2010 at 11:06 am

    @aimai:

    can’t Woods see that his precision playing and his ability to have sex with millions of fans and still not get distracted by losing his precious bodily fluids is making the rest of the chaste profession and its watchers feel bad? Will no one take pity of the golfers who can’t SCORE?

    Thank you so much. That keyboard was getting old and I’ve been meaning to replace it for some time now. Hot beverage coup d’grace was a glorious way for it to go. Much better than death by 1,000 hairballs.

  82. 82.

    Joel

    April 8, 2010 at 11:22 am

    @Warren Terra:

    Sportswriters are a kind of rude and brainless subculture of fascist drunks whose only real function is to publicize & sell whatever the sports editor sends them out to cover…

    Which is a nice way to make a living, because it keeps a man busy and requires no thought at all. The two keys to success as a sportswriter are 1) a blind willingness to believe anything you’re told by the coaches, flacks, hustlers and other “official spokesmen” for the team-owners who provide the free booze… and: 2) a Roget’s Thesaurus, in order to avoid using the same verbs and adjectives twice in the same paragraph.

  83. 83.

    Joel

    April 8, 2010 at 11:59 am

    @Mike Kay: Arnold Palmer, Alex Rodriguez, Bill Belichick, Joe Dimaggio, Jose Canseco, Kirby Puckett, Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Mickey Mantle, Roger Clemens, Shaquille O’Neal, Steve McNair…

    Never mind the “gray area” guys like Tom Brady and Derek Jeter…

  84. 84.

    trollhattan

    April 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I will pretend to give a rat’s ass about Tiger Woods the day others stop pretending golf qualifies as a sport.

    Thank you.

  85. 85.

    kc

    April 8, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Are all sports columnists this fucking stupid

    ‘Fraid so.

  86. 86.

    BombIranForChrist

    April 8, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    So, basically, this columnist wants Woods to play the Masters in order to provide us with entertainment vis a vis lynchmobian schedenfreudish spectacle, but not to, say, actually win the Masters. Woods should play to basically appeal to the columnist’s most puerile instincts.

    Yup, sounds like a Post columnist to me. Are we sure he doesn’t do politics as well?

  87. 87.

    beebop

    April 8, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    FYI, this is Boswell’s response to a question during his Q & A this morning:

    When you feel something you’ve never felt before, that’s usually material for an interesting column. I’ve never, ever felt that it was inappropriate for someone to win an event. And, as I said, I don’t like the feeling. But I suspect a lot of people will be scratching their heads over the weekend. On the other hand, it’s going to be wonderful to see Tiger The Golfer __that’s the interesting part of him__ on display again.

    I still think he’s absolutely wrong about this, but he’s usually a pretty thoughtful guy and is arguably the best baseball writer of the last 50 years.

  88. 88.

    4jkb4ia

    April 8, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    I had the thought that I hoped he missed the cut so the circus would leave all the others alone, but that was too punitive.

    I guess the question is: Is Woods committed enough to working on himself that winning the Masters and covering himself in glory will NOT turn his head, or do you really have a new Tiger Woods and success at the thing he loves doing will create a virtuous cycle?

  89. 89.

    4jkb4ia

    April 8, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Yes, Boswell isn’t stupid. Boswell wrote the immortal “99 Reasons Why Baseball Is Better Than Football”, for crying out loud, even if some of the 99 have dated.

  90. 90.

    4jkb4ia

    April 8, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    @stuckinred:

    SURPRISE! Fortunately for Kentucky there are more one-and-dones where they came from.

  91. 91.

    4jkb4ia

    April 8, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    OTOH, Tom Watson is currently at the top of the leaderboard after 17 holes, and if he could win that would be a first-class wonderful story. However there is a long way to go.

  92. 92.

    4jkb4ia

    April 8, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    I hear the dulcet tones of Mike Shannon.

  93. 93.

    drkrick

    April 8, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Ah, Tom Boswell. Typical. My favorite was the column from September 1993 after the Redskins won Richie Petitbon’s first game as Redskins coach. Bos rhapsodized about what a relief it was to have that boat anchor Joe Gibbs removed from the organization at long last (no, really – look it up). What followed was a 3-13 season that kicked off 18 (and counting!) seasons of futility.

    So, amazingly, this isn’t even his stupidest column ever.

  94. 94.

    Mark S.

    April 8, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    So, I suspect, many will share my uncomfortable shoes — pulling for a great athlete not to win an important event. Really, deeply, feeling that it would be an affront. Accomplishment is always hard and in short supply, so in sports we create an arena for harsh testing but fair results. Then, mostly, we pull for people to succeed, not fail for us to mock. Pulling for and against Woods will cross a lot of wires. Like mine.

    I didn’t realize watching a fucking golf tournament could be such an angst inducing experience. Are you always supposed to cheer for a great athlete to win an important event? I guess all those Red Sox fans who cheer when A-Rod strikes out are horrible people. Saints fans who cheered that Favre interception likewise.

  95. 95.

    Surly Duff

    April 8, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    @kay:

    But he can’t just say that he really likes sex and monogamy really didn’t work for him, because the WON”T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! Such a response would be antithetical to the Puritanical views about sexuality that is embedded in our culture.

    Seriously, the whole situation is a farcical drama played out, not as some grand demonstration of penance for cheating on his wife and looking to seek forgiveness from her, but rather is an attempt to show the proper amount of public remorse to try and restore the image of Tiger that so many people worshipped nd cheered. This public absolution is more about sponsors and public sentiment than about seeking forgiveness from his family. He may be doing that behind closed doors, but trotting himself out for a myriad of press conferences is more about the media’s need to have their egos addressed. They need to see how remorseful he seems, so they can assess his commitment to his family and whether this whole sorrid story can be forgotten. They like to pretend that remorse in front of a camera actually means something.

  96. 96.

    asiangrrlMN

    April 8, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    I got my foam dildo waving, my Team Tiger t-shirt on, and my nipple clamps, well, um, clamped. Goooo, Tiger! This is a seriously stupid column. Why is it that Tiger’s private business (which we would not have discovered if his wife didn’t try to beat the shit out of him, remember), that, as someone upthread pointed out, has been going on for years, suddenly is so heinous, he should lose the Masters because of it? I don’t give a shit about golf–except when Tiger is playing. Then, I watch because I want to see him kick everybody’s ass. I still do.

    This man is not spouting family values and passing laws that discriminates against LGBT folk. His personal life has no impact on my life whatsoever. I would not want to be married to him, but, you know what? I’m not! So, not my problem. This is so fucking hypocritical of all the sportswriters having the vapors over Tiger’s affairs when as someone pointed out before, look at Michael Jordan and his peccadilloes. I think the sportswriters like this guy are just mad because Tiger pulled the wool over their eyes for so long. I hope Tiger laps the field and then whips out his dick (thanks, Jon Stewart) after he puts on the Green Jacket.

  97. 97.

    Triassic Sands

    April 8, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    We know that bad things happen to good people.

    There is no evidence that Woods is a good person.

  98. 98.

    ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty

    April 8, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    Percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America: 53%

    Percentage of “arranged marriages” (where parents pick their sons or daughters spouses) that end in divorce: 3%

    Medical field(s) with the highest divorce rate: psychiatrists and marriage counselors

    Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%

    Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 57%

    Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54%

    Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker: 36%

    Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips: 36%

    Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity (emotional or physical) with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: 17%

    Average length of an affair: 2 years

    Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered: 31%

    Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%

    Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%

    —// from infiedlityfacts.com

    I have no idea how good these stats are. However, they are in line with the general chatter out there about the state of fiedliety in general in our society. Even if they were overstated by half, just to give them a wide margin of error, they’d still be telling (me) the same story: That the myth of faithful marriage ever after is just a myth. That marriage is a severely dysfunctional institution, and that we need to stop treating it with rank hypocrisy. And we really need to can the gratuitous sanctimony.

    Thoughts?

  99. 99.

    Mark S.

    April 8, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Tiger’s conscience so far is not letting him down: two eagles in the first round.

  100. 100.

    kay

    April 8, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    @Surly Duff:

    This public absolution is more about sponsors and public sentiment than about seeking forgiveness from his family.

    Oh, I get that. Lately I have some sympathy for people who are actually products. He’s a product. He makes a lot of money, but in return for that, he has to grovel, and continue to allow his entire family to be the subject of this gross and intrusive inquiry. He doesn’t have to apologize to me. The whole thing makes me cringe, and I really don’t want any part of whatever sentence-punishment we’re meting out.
    It’s a steep price. I mean that honestly. I hope the bucks are worth the misery.
    Luckily, I don’t have to struggle with these trade-offs :)

  101. 101.

    Jager

    April 8, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Tigers in the clubhouse 4 under, 68. First time he has ever broken 70 in the first round.

  102. 102.

    AxelFoley

    April 9, 2010 at 1:43 am

    @eric:

    Actually, MJ’s discretions were reported by the press, starting with his gambling. Sure, his affairs were reported later in his career/after he retired, but they were still reported.

    By the 1990’s, the media felt it had the right to know what goes on in the personal lives of athletes, a far cry from the days when guys like Babe Ruth could chase skirts and the sports reporters were in the know, but never reported it.

  103. 103.

    AxelFoley

    April 9, 2010 at 1:57 am

    @EdTheRed: Anyone who quotes Tony Montana automatically wins the internets.

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