Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

… among the most cringeworthy communications in the history of the alphabet!

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Republicans don’t trust women.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Glad to see john eastman going through some things.

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

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TGIF

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Been a really long week, but I got a lot done. I feel like dancing:

I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this, because I know what it is going to lead to, but last night I was sprawled out in the La-z-boy, fully extended, dog in my lap, watching Life on Discovery, and Tunch decided he wanted to be on my lap. He jumped up and went near my head and his weight almost tipped the entire damned chair. I over-compensated and Tunch and Lily went flying in different directions as the footrest came slamming down. Might be time for a diet for him after all.

Reader Interactions

46Comments

  2. 2.

    Flimflam

    Nah, Tunch doesn’t need to diet. You and Lilly need to
    counterbalance his weight by packing on a few extra pounds.

  5. 5.

    Josie

    Oh, John, you make me so happy. These kinds of crazy things only happen to people who have animals as an integral part of the family. When I tell stories about how such events unfold, people look at me as if I am speaking Greek. Posts like this are why I keep returning to your blog. You and your sweet puppy and you wonderfully portly cat are the best.

  6. 6.

    Bnut

    After my cat got his dingaling chopped off last month after many, many UTI’s he has been permanently switched to some wet food that obviously is not as filling as cat show was. MF’er meows cuz he’s used to mounds of dry goodies, and now has wet grossness. However, he has lost 3 pounds and moves around like a kitten again. Better Tunch lose that weight now than later.

  7. 7.

    Whackjob Militia Leader soonergrunt

    When one thinks of the amount of strength and power it must have taken to launch that cat, one concludes that you are healing well from your shoulder injury. I mean launching Tunch has to be like wrapping cotton batting around an Army sandbag and tossing that across the room. Wow.

  8. 8.

    Carrie

    He doesn’t need a diet, maybe you’re the one that needs to get heavier.
    did ya ever think of that, Einstein?

  11. 11.

    ellaesther

    Do you feel like dancing, dancing, dancing the night away? In a really high falsetto?

    Thank you for sharing the humiliation of your wee family with us — the image of flying animals amused me greatly!

  13. 13.

    bemused

    My elderly in-laws think something is very wrong if their cat & our visiting dogs don’t feel like eating sometimes & leave their food sitting. They must be sick! They will resort to adding gravy & who knows what all to the food tempt the critters to eat. It’s hard to convince those two that if they are hungry they will eat. If they don’t, they are not.
    btw, has anyone dared to ask how much Tunch weighs? We had to put 2 previous cats on a diet. One was a pretty large male but I think he weighed 20# at his heaviest & he should have been 12#. We got them trimmed down but not without a lot of complaining from the male. We couldn’t leave a loaf of bread or anything else edible on the counter. He would rip through the plastic bag & devour it.
    I still think Tunch looks adorably squeezable.

  14. 14.

    Warren Terra

    You might have better luck getting a better chair than putting a perfectly functional, if generously proportioned, cat on a diet.

  15. 15.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    He jumped up and went near my head and his weight almost tipped the entire damned chair. I over-compensated and Tunch and Lily went flying in different directions as the footrest came slamming down.

    Aren’t you recovering from a serious and painful injury?

    Am I the only one totally bummed out over the cranking up of the rhetoric by the leading lights (Palin, Gingrich, L. Cheney) of the Republican/Teabagger Party? I follow the media and I feel like we’re in the ubiquitous Twilight Zone episode where a large percentage of the population has been replaced by some alien life-form loaded with a bizarro world logic. It’s like they assumed the host bodies of formerly reasonable Republicans and twisted them into an angry, smarmy caricature. Except instead of the ears and nose being distorted it’s their paranoia and prejudices.

  16. 16.

    John Cole

    I put on weight doing nothing for three months smacked up on painkillers eating ice cream and nursing a broken shoulder, and I was already fat. I need to lose a bunch of weight.

  18. 18.

    Skepticat

    Whooooaaa, that could have been almost as disastrous as the fall on the ice. I hope all survived unscathed.

  24. 24.

    etalanon

    It’s amazing the La-z-boy withstood that kind of load.

    Heck, I’m even amazed your floor hasn’t collapsed under that kind of load.

  27. 27.

    Carrie

    @John Cole:

    Obviously, the cat is heavier or maybe your head weighs as much as a VW bug?
    i’m sure you’ll get your girlish figure back as soon as you’re properly healed up.

  28. 28.

    John Cole

    @Carrie: I had to special order my hats in the army my head is so big. My drill sergeant told me “Your head is so big, if you were a cowboy you’d need a 12 gallon hat.”

  29. 29.

    RedKitten

    I’ve never trusted La-Z-Boys anyway. When they’re fully reclined, they DO feel like the slightest extra weight at the head would send them toppling over. I’ll just lay on my couch with my pillows and my comfy red fleece blankie, thank you very much.

  30. 30.

    Carrie

    @John Cole:
    Okay, well then…..um.
    You’re lucky you didn’t get brained.
    Mass+velocity.
    I’m gonna make you a bubble wrap helmet.

  32. 32.

    Bnut

    @John Cole

    One of my DI’s called a kid with a giant grape “water baby” and another “Barry”, after Bonds I would imagine.

  33. 33.

    LT

    Hey, fortunately, I bet that new house of yours has some doorknobs. So you would have been fine.

    (I’ve gotta confess to getting the heebee jeebies as I read, thinking you were headed back to the ER. Glad to hear that is not so.)

  35. 35.

    LT

    @John Cole:

    @Carrie: I had to special order my hats in the army my head is so big. My drill sergeant told me “Your head is so big, if you were a cowboy you’d need a 12 gallon hat.”

    Ha. People never believe me when I say, “Look, I’m not going to try it on. It won’t fit.” They rarely do.

  36. 36.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    @RedKitten:

    I’ll just lay on my couch with my pillows and my comfy red fleece blankie Snuggie, thank you very much.

  38. 38.

    Blue Raven

    @LT: My head’s larger than my husband’s, to join in the “weird head” chain. I’m shorter and smaller-boned than he is, but my cranium has a larger circumference. Even when he had a full head of hair, this was true.

    ETA: John, also glad to hear you only got a funny story out of that pratfall. Almost a shame there was no camera present; you’d have had something that might have gone viral.

  39. 39.

    Blue Raven

    And John, very glad to hear all you got was a comedy moment out of that pratfall. With a video camera, you might have gone viral.

  42. 42.

    SiubhanDuinne

    You had me at

    last night I was sprawled out in the La-z-boy, fully extended

  44. 44.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    Jesse Ventura is hosting Larry King Live tonight with a panel of Rod Blagojevich, Stephanie Miller, Ron Paul and a brunette Republican Talking Points Fembot (RTPF for short). Ron Paul starts off sounding reasonable and then drifts off into crazy Libartarian la-la land. Blagojevich is a slippery crook who took a stab at talking up a new, third way that isn’t Democrat or Republican. Otherwise he hasn’t been too bad…but he’s a crook. RTPF just spews crap and provides the most obnoxious support of any Republican charge – and she tried to claim that Obama did anything other than assume the responsibility for the war in Afghanistan.

    Stephanie Miller is as ravishingly witty as ever.

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