The new nine part seventy minute review of Star Wars II is now available:
I actually like bagpipes, though. I’ve been known to wake up roommates who kept me up too late with their drunken antics with an early morning Black Watch cd at ear bleeding volume. But I like bagpipes for other reasons, too.
jibeaux
Bagpipes were played at my pop’s funeral, and they were exactly the right hauntingly beautiful instrument for the job. I wouldn’t have thought of it, myself, but it was perfect. So there ya go, free funeral planning advice, trust me, they’ll love it.
madmommy
I’m confused. Why would someone do a reveiw of a movie that is nearly as long as the movie itself?
Had some completely delish fried shrimp and boiled crawfish for dinner. As always seems to be the case, I had a paper cut on my finger. For the uninitiated, peeling crawfish with a papercut is exceedingly painful. But still quite yummy. My finger will stop stinging at some point.
Chuck Butcher
I saw the Black Watch as a little kid, by age 6 I was playing drums. That’s a tad over 50 years ago and I still have a pair of ’59 vinyl Black Watch. They get very very little play on the Techniques/Grace tone arm setup.
Mark S.
I don’t know which was worse: Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones. They are both really bad in different ways.
SiubhanDuinne
@John: What other reasons? (I’m not being crtical or snarky, I happen to love bagpipes.)
SIA
LOVE bagpipes. They make my blood wake up.
Weird review, weird, guy, weird ending – did.not.like.
mr. whipple
I like wahwah fuzztone bagpipes, with a lot of feedback.
r€nato
My two second review of SW II:
DO NOT WANT
There, I just saved you 69:58.
r€nato
…shit, I got 2:06 into that YT clip and decided I couldn’t put up with that droning voice any longer. He still had not started to go through any scenes to tell me what specifically was so awful. Ugh.
jeffreyw
@mr. whipple: Loved that cover of the Zep’s Dazed and Confused by a local electric bagpipe band.
Poicephalus
John Cole, you are my kind of asshole.
Wish you had been in my unit.
C
kid bitzer
i watched the first segment (linked above) but the guy is still cutting in these episodes of unfunny misogynistic joking about his kidnapping and abusing women in his basement. it was ugly in the first round, it’s ugly now, and i’m not giving him any more hits.
it’s a shame, because he has interesting things to d
say about movies and stories. but the sexist stuff is just uncalled for and unacceptable.
John Cole
@SiubhanDuinne: I like the music.
Trainrunner
Talk about missing the point.
Svensker
Hey, about some French Canucks wearing kilts and playing accordians and bagpipes? Very cheery.
arguingwithsignposts
In case you missed it, Lady Smudge likes the bagpipes. And since this is nominally an open thread, if you get a chance to check out Sarah Vowell on tour, do so. She’s got a new book coming out this month about Hawaii’s annexation. Very funny reading.
JBerardi
@kid bitzer:
The videos aren’t misogynist. They feature a [i]character[/i] who is a misogynist to a ridiculous (some might even say humorous) extreme. It’s not like someone is going to watch these videos and decide that tying women up in their basement is a good idea, or acceptable behavior, or anything like that.
What’s misogynist is me reminding you that you really need to wash that sand out of your vagina.
Mike Kay
Alright, who plugged the “hillary hole”?!?
Who did it!?@
Svensker
Aw, I haz a happy. “Consistently wrong since 2002” is in the rotation. Thank you. May your LaZBoy remain upright and all your pets loyal and healthy for many happy years.
r€nato
OK I liked the guy’s Avatar review much better. Good snark.
Comrade Darkness
@kid bitzer:
You’re totally missing the point. He’s demonstrating in 10-15 seconds, how easy it is to create, real characters, dramatic tension and plot, all the things he’s criticizing Lucas for lacking in an hour and a half movie. That the scenes are uncomfortable and really make you want to change the situation, demonstrates how skillfully they are done.
I love these reviews. The droning voice fits for me with the depression about the movies.
ari
@Comrade Darkness:
If I had to guess, I’d say that kb gets the point. And that he nevertheless thinks the reviewer’s character is needlessly creepy.
Mike Kay
@arguingwithsignposts: Love the Smudge. Thanks for the photos.
Redshirt
Attack of the Clones is the worst Star Wars movie by far. That’s objective fact, so there’s really no point in debating it.
I would argue Phantom Menace is better than Return of the Jedi. But some might disagree with that, perhaps rightfully so!
r€nato
@Comrade Darkness: that was a 90 minute film? Felt more like three hours. I got stuck going to see it at the theater (in digital projection!!!!) with a bunch of talented artists types who all raved about it after. I regret to say that peer pressure forced me to avoid saying what I really thought. Even the eye candy couldn’t make up for the typically shitty Lucas script.
davematson
I’m with @kid bitzer. The creepy stuff is unnecessarily creepy, and a cheap, lazy way to make whatever point he is making.
Which is a shame, because I like the commentary otherwise. Would watch with that crap cut out.
BethanyAnne
@kid bitzer: Yea, all the junk about him rather than about the film I found unnecessary. The misogyny didn’t amuse me; instead it distracted me from the funny bits in the first one. I got to the 3rd part of this one, and just had had enough. I don’t care if it’s in the tradition of “unreliable narrators” or not. I don’t think it added anything of value.
General Egali Tarian Stuck
Never been a Star Wars fan. Though the first one I liked ok, but then I was fully loaded when I watched it.
The Reds won again today by a run, two in a row after dropping the first two, so that made a better evening.
And today was just a perfect spring desert/foothills day. 75 degrees, no wind, blue sky and zilch humidity. I cannot even fathom ever moving back east.
Comrade Darkness
@r€nato: I actually don’t know, I watched it on an ipod, so I jumped around. I thought it didn’t make any sense because of THAT.
The eye candy just makes it feel like a video game to me and even less like a movie. I think the world has moved on and Lucas is being dragged behind on that count alone.
@ari: The person I was watching the review with didn’t get it and was backing away until I pointed it out. Then he was cool with it. So I thought I’d explain it, just in case. I’m fine with the creepy too. I’m just twisted that way, I guess.
These reviews almost justify the existence of the movies for me. Almost.
Mike in NC
I had a friend who liked to listen to bagpipe music on his car’s CD player when we took long road trips. Frankly, as someone of Irish/Scots ancestry, it all started to sound all the same to me pretty quickly.
On the other hand, we once stayed at the Lord Nelson Hotel in beautiful Halifax, Nova Scotia, where you’d wake up in the morning to the sound of live bagpipes in the nearby public park. Lovely.
Mike Kay
@General Egali Tarian Stuck: Where digya live, back east?
General Egali Tarian Stuck
@Mike Kay:
I am from east Kentucky, but lived in several states like VA, OH, and most recent MS Gulf Coast in the 90’s. Before I came back to NM, where I had lived for a while in the early 80’s/
Christian Sieber
It’s been a couple weeks since we had a good Balloon Juice vs. The Hippies fight. Where can I find a DFH to punch?
Mike Kay
@General Egali Tarian Stuck: Hmmm, the Lexington chicks are hwat.
Will
I watched the whole fucking thing a few days ago. The best parts are 4, 5, and 6, when he breaks down the flagrant weaknesses in the romance between Anakin and Amadallah.
Yeah.
New Yorker
@Mark S.:
“Menace” was immensely stupid, “Clones” was immensely boring. You’re right, bad in different ways.
Also, the first video rules for the “Last Starfighter” references.
Will
@BethanyAnne:
Did you get to the end? Because the creepy stuff does have a payoff, if you make it to the end.
Will
@kid bitzer:
Yeah, again, you really have to make it the end of the videos to get the point of the “kidnapped woman”.
ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty
Bagpipes are to music what haggis is to food.
lahke
@Jberardi
That was pretty uncalled for.
@Will
I’m not going to watch it all, but I guess you’re implying that it’s a joke and she somehow turns the tables? So what? He gets to spend a whole lot of time sexualizing violence, and then pretends to make it all right in two minutes at the end. It’s still sick.
Fern
@Svensker: Ooh, that was fun.
mr. whipple
Never saw one, I don’t think. And if I did I forgot.
OTOH, this Jeff Beck at Ronnie Scott’s I’m watching freaking rocks.
Will
@lahke:
No, it’s not the way you describe. I understand why you’re bothered by it. But you’d have to make it through to the end to fully judge it, rather than just assume how it’s gonna go down.
mcd410x
Humor is lost on some people.
Martin
@madmommy:
Because the review is more entertaining than the movie was. It may have taken 8 years, but I finally feel like I got my money’s worth out of that film.
Vince CA
I thought the tied-up prostitute in the basement (in his review of T.P.M.) was creepy funny. Like the movie. Except the movie wasn’t trying to be either.
That said, my wife thinks these reviews are just a reminder that it’s really, really easy to make fun of crud. Point.
I just saw Clash of the Titans tonight. I didn’t see for the acting, that’s for sure! I actually got a night out away from the baby with some friends and I just laughed and laughed through the whole thing. The Jr High kids probably thought I was nuts. But yeah, definitely a great movie for jr high (no kissing it it either, what a disappointment!)
ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty
@mcd410x:
Not around here.
Heh.
Heh heh.
Uhh.
Comrade Kevin
Don’t know how many of you have seen it, but here’s some more for the Hamsher-dislikers out there.
Arclite
This guy is genius. I saw is Star Wars Ep 1 review several months ago and watched this one a few days ago. Not only is his critique spot on as to the problems with the movies, but they are also funnier than a lot of actual comedies as well. His deadpan delivery and off the wall comparisons are great.
He does critiques of other movies, like Avatar and Star Trek, but his best ones are the Star Wars prequel ones since there’s so much wrong with them.
All his stuff can be browsed here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/RedLetterMedia
Comrade Kevin
Bagpipes are the best joke the Irish ever pulled on the Scots.
Martin
@Vince CA:
I’m 98% positive that these reviews are made by BOB.
Martin
OT, but Bacevich was on Moyers tonight. Will probably be on the PBS website tomorrow.
Phoebe
love love love bagpipes. love. that is all.
General Egali Tarian Stuck
More GOP family values fund raising. From NPR interview with Pete Sessions = gooper congresscritter.
Burlesque, of course is perfectly normal for growing boys. Stippers, not so much. These guys are national treasures in the comedy department.
mcd410x
“Maybe there’s 10 Nausicaans waiting for the Jedi at the dom-jot table.”
That was worth the price of admission!
ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty
If I lost my hearing, the silver lining would be that I would never have to hear another bagpipe.
Emo Pantload (fka Studly)
Holy crap apples! Dog whistle much, Newt?
Gingrich: “We need a president, not an athlete.”
Kobie
@Mark S.: IMHO, Attack of the Clones is FAR worse than Phantom Menace. TPM had its moments of narm, but AotC is dog shit from beginning to end except for two scenes: the opening battle on Geonosis (after the clones show up) and the final scene with the clone army boarding the big ships.
ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty
Hey, all kidding aside, I have a story.
I have a rental house in a modest middle class neighborhood here in Phoenix. It’s empty right now while I fix it up and decide whether to rent it or sell it. Meanwhile, I am taking the mail over there.
Thru a snafu I won’t describe in detail, at this house I am getting a steady stream of crazyazz rightwing mail, every day, the most amazing collection of stuff you have ever seen. Relentless, insane, mean, subversive as far as I am concerned, always asking for money and drumming up the hate and the fear and the negativity. Literally pounds of mail every month. Not a day goes by without some hateful shit arriving in the mailbox.
I want to quote to you from a piece I got today:
Dear B_______,
Together you and I have really rocked the Radical Homsexual Lobby.
You and I are the reason why the Homosexual Lobby has failed to pass its Gay Bill of Rights and repeal Dont Ask Dont Tell.
…. In the past, the Radical Homosexuals have attempted to kill me and stalk my family. But that onlymakes me more determined than EVER to fight them.
The Radical Homosexuals desecrate churches, spread their filth across the internet, run naked through the halls of Congress. But when I try to tell people about it, my letters are labeled OBSCENE by small minded bureacrats serving the Homosexuals’ purposes.
I need your help. Please send a contribution of $50 or more today.
—//
This thing goes on for six single spaced pages of madness and hatemongering.
And this is just one of hundreds of pieces of this crap that B______ gets in the mail every month.
It just blows my mind, I have never seen such a vast machine of propaganda and hatemongering at work. Hate against gays, against liberals, democrats, immigrants, muslims, you name it.
Check out the website this particular mail points to
Sorry, but this stuff just blows me away. The constant torrent of it…..the mailman tells me that he delivers tons — literally — of this mail every year.
mai naem
Paul McCartney had a song Mull of Kintyre with bagpipes around 1977. Pretty song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JPHNuAAZDE
Emo Pantload (fka Studly)
@ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty:
Twenty to 25% of our country’s population is functionally developmentally disabled. (And, yes, I *did* just use the DD phrase.)
Comrade Darkness
@ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty: You’d think people would grow numb to it. But, I’ve never run solely on a diet of hate for more than five minutes at a time, so I guess I really can’t know.
Nicole
I liked the Ep 2 review. I originally didn’t like the women in the basement thing, but now I’m curious if it’s going to pay off in his review of Ep 3. And I’m wondering if the end of that subplot in the review of Ep2 is meant to mimic the end of Empire (since he does so much comparison of Ep 2 and Empire) and I also wonder if my wondering so much about that means I need a life.
For those for whom 70 minutes is too long, here’s:
Clash of the Titans (in 60 Seconds)
IndyLib
@arguingwithsignposts:
I love Sarah Vowell. Have you ever listened to her stuff on audiobook? She does her own narration, and it’s frikkin’ hilarious.
Thanks for the heads-up on the new book.
Mike Kay
@Emo Pantload (fka Studly):
Yeah, that’s what I thought, as well, but I also think it’s Newt’s envy showing. After all, Newt is a fat disgusting slob who is approaching 70. Newt got dumped by his own party, while the President is beloved by his party (sans Firebaggers, of course).
Robert Waldmann
I don’t see how that narator guy keeps his job. He must be represented by fucking AFSCME (they don’t take shit from nobody) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3mw49mk_x0
TuiMel
I like bagpipes, but when I see someone playing a bagpipe, I am struck by what a Seussian instrument it is. I wonder at the conception / invention of it. All in all, I think I prefer the Irish bagpipe the the Scottish.
mcd410x
Hopefully, Walnuts is going to email us our pizza rolls any day now …
Cliff
I like this guy’s reviews (except for the serial killer schtick, I get weirded out at that).
But I hate that every time (which makes three times now) a blog links to the Star Wars reviews, some rabid fan lurches in from the depths of the Internet to explain how the prequels weren’t really that bad.
Yes, they are that bad. They are precisely that bad.
Anne Laurie
@TuiMel:
Since the original inventors were Turkish (or possibly Greek) goat herders… I’ve always preferred not to dwell on the creative cognition involved, ifyouknowwhatimean.
ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty
@Comrade Darkness:
Oh, for a minute there I thought you were talking about bagpipes. Heh.
Okay, what I really think about bagpipes is, I am intrigued by the way some people seem to like listening to something that cannot be distinguished from the sound of a radiator hose just about to burst.
GregB
Extremism,
I checked out that link.
There is an anti-gay screed by, ahem, Lt. Col. Dick Black.
I kid you not.
HRA
When you think about bagpipes, you automatically associate them with Scotland. The origin of bagpipes however are nowhere near the Highlands of Scotland but presumably lie somewhere in the Middle East, in ancient Mesopotamia. Thanks to troubadours (traveling musicians) the instrument reached several places throughout Europe. The Romans also played a major part in the distribution of the bagpipes. The Roman army used to march to bagpipe music. Some historians even suggest that Emperor Nero was a piper himself. The Romans introduced the bagpipes into Scotland. In those days Scotland was known as ‘Caledonia’. In Scotland the bagpipes started to lead a life of their own, but the pipes developed in different ways in other countries in Europe as well. That’s why we know so many sorts of bagpipes today. Remainders of these are the Musette in France, the Gaita in Spain and Portugal, the Zumarah in Egypt, the Uillean pipes in Ireland, and many more.
http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:Jps1…
Various forms of bagpipes have been attributed to many ancient civilizations. A style of bagpipe is mentioned in the Old Testament of the Bible. Some historians believe the bagpipes had their origin in Sumaria. While others believe it was spread to Persia, India, and the Roman Empire by the Celtic peoples. An Athenian dramatist, writing in the fifth century BC, mentioned the bagpipe.
http://www.bagpipesonly.com/origin.htm
Contrary to popular belief, the bagpipes are not of Scottish or Irish origin. The first version of the instrument can be traced back to the Middle East several centuries before the birth of Christ. It was most likely a rather crude instrument comprised of reeds stuck into a goatskin bag. As civilization spread throughout the Middle East and into the Mediterranean lands, the people brought along their music.
http://www.bcfpb.com/id11.html
Calouste
@ExtremismInTheDefenseOfLiberty:
Apparently enough rubes who send the “$50 or more” in reply to those letters.
I guess the moment one of the people who sends out that crap gets a check in the mail, they sell on the address to the other conmen.
Calouste
A plane has crashed in Russia with the President of Poland and other Polish dignitairies on board, among them the President of the Central Bank and the head of the army. Current reports say no survivors.
Xenos
@Cliff: The serial killer schtick? It was cheap and lazy and pronographic in ‘Silence of the Lambs, and if there is a joke hiding in there I fail to find it. The whole series of Hannibal films is based on toxic homophobia and misogyny, and their critical success really shines an ugly light on many of the jerks who produce and review films.
If anything, the exploitative vignettes make me want to defend Lucas. Sure can produce dramatic tension in ten seconds with that sort of thing, but what is the point? Lucas, as much as a hack as he is, is trying to produce something spectacular that may be all surface glimmer, but is not unnecessarily exploitative. As far as women are concerned, at least.
bob h
Edinburgh has an arts festival every August, at the close of which there is a bagpiper parade. The one I saw in 2000 had 10,000 bagpipers. You’d love it.
arguingwithsignposts
@IndyLib:
Actually, I’ve listened to all of her books, only own one hard copy. Ditto David Sedaris. Both of them have an excellent dead-pan delivery.
kommrade reproductive vigor
I like bagpipes too, but I suspect it is genetic.
I didn’t watch, have no plans to watch and would violently resist any attempts to make me watch Attack of the Clowns or Revenge of the Shit because Phantom Menace SSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED.
/Star Wars Geek Rant.
swalker
Me, too, John. I just posted on your most recent thread. I saw The Black Watch when I was a kid and I’ve enjoy bagpipes ever since. I get why they’re not for everybody, but I always hear a level of derision for them normally reserved for Palin.
Jason Bylinowski
What I love about the Redletter Media movie review guy is how anytime I see one of these video reviews get posted somewhere, it immediately causes a huge shitstorm of controversy due to the sketch comedy. So I’m going to stick my neck out and say and that your aversion to and my defense of his video is all just a part of his plan.
Dude is the PT Barnum of cinema criticism.
Caravelle
I liked the creepy misogyny better in the Episode I reviews because it built up so slowly at first you weren’t really aware of what the deal was. In this one the subtlety goes out the window. It might be like replacing the unseen aliens in Alien with special effects aliens in the sequels, if I had seen Alien or its sequels.
I can see why some people find them too creepy to watch or think they’re misogynistic or exploitative even though I personally don’t feel that way. It’s too bad because the reviews themselves are quite good.
Cerberus
@Xenos:
Haven’t yet made my mind up about the creepy serial killer misogyny (showing how the serial killer is almost always built out of that vile bed of misogyny and the like is good, but presentation can just be women-hating murder porn especially in modern horror, so where does this fit into it, etc…), but I wanted to address a shallower point.
That is Lucas does exploit his female characters. Leia in her slave bikini, Padme being put into various fetish outfits, and some outdated Earth views of the roles of women transplanted on space race women who supposedly have impressive jobs and combat prowess.
There is often a casual sort of nerd-community sexism in Lucas’s works, even his much vaunted earlier works (doesn’t stop me loving those works, mind) that like many things didn’t get better in the new versions.
Of course, I’ve pretty much just sort of let go of the whole thing. Star Trek and Star Wars died a long time ago, before I was even a fan even, and its okay that they did. Things can be great for a time and go away. New amazing works will arise (most everything Joss Whedon does) and old works will get impressive new makeovers in new talent (Doctor Who and Battlestar Gallactica).
And that’s all okay.
moe99
@kid bitzer:
agreed. the abuse of the women detracts from what the guy has to say and it’s a shame because it’s good stuff otherwise.
PS: bagpipes originally came from the middle east. The Romans imported them to Britain and thence to Ireland and Scotland. Massed bagpipes can have a very intimidating effect as part of warfare (pre guns).
moe99
@HRA:
Sorry, HRA, missed your fine post on the history of bagpipes first time through. As a proud graduate of Macalester College, I have a real fondness for bagpipes.
bago
@r€nato: Because a two minute song is just one minute and 59 seconds to god damned long!
–Mindless Self Indulgence
Cliff
@Xenos:
Lucas, as much as a hack as he is, is trying to produce something spectacular that may be all surface glimmer, but is not unnecessarily exploitative. As far as women are concerned, at least.
That’s because there’s like two women in all six movies.
But even then, one of those two women falls in love with creepy psychopath who loves slaughtering tribes of native folk with laser swords, and the other gets to wear a brass bikini.
Nick the Australian
I disagree with “Attack of the Clones” being worse than “The Phantom Menace” (except for the title)
But re. the point “Why not just start the prequel films here?” — GOOD QUESTION!