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You are here: Home / The Narrative Reigns Supreme

The Narrative Reigns Supreme

by John Cole|  April 10, 20104:02 pm| 144 Comments

This post is in: Our Failed Media Experiment

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The GOS mid-day open thread includes “BREAKING: The vice president eats a sandwich.” And sure enough, it leads to this story:

ABC News’ Karen Travers reports:

When in Rome, do as the Romans do – and when in Philadelphia, eat a cheesesteak.

This afternoon Vice President Joe Biden dropped by Pat’s Kings of Steaks, a cheesesteak mecca in South Philly, after a fundraiser for Rep. Robert Brady (D-PA).

Biden pulled up to the local landmark in his motorcade with the congressman and his wife and Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter.

Brady ordered sandwiches for himself and the vice president and the foursome sat at a table outside.

According to the local pool reporter, Biden “scarfed down the whole sandwich” – a “Whiz witout,” which cheesesteak aficionados will know comes with Cheese Whiz and without onions.

That’s because, as the narrative goes, Joe Biden is a “man’s man,” a “regular Joe,” if you will. Of course he ate a cheesesteak “the right way.” HE RIDES THE TRAIN TO WORK AND YOU WANT TO HAVE A BEER WITH HIM! He’s one of us! Unlike a certain faggy windsailing Frenchman:

If Sen. John Kerry’s presidential aspirations melt like a dollop of Cheez Whiz in the sun, the trouble may well be traced to an incident in South Philadelphia on Monday.

There, the Massachusetts Democrat went to Pat’s Steaks and ordered a cheese steak — with Swiss cheese. If that weren’t bad enough, the candidate asked photographers not to take his picture while he ate the sandwich. Shutters clicked anyway, and Kerry was caught nibbling daintily at his sandwich — another serious faux pas.

Because if anyone knows a thing or two about manliness and the way to order and eat a cheesesteak, it’s a Yale graduate and Skull and Bones member working at the Washington Post named “Dana.” That’s who wrote this- mocking the machismo of the decorated Viet Nam war veteran, John Kerry. The profound lack of self-awareness in our media is stunning, and makes you wonder if DougJ is right that most of them are simply sociopaths.

But yeah- it is news, because the narratives must be maintained. Biden is a regular “Joe” who eats his cheesesteak like a man and says the “f-word” and it is cool. Kerry and others are dainty out of touch elitist east coasters who like spicy mustards and exotic lettuces. If these stories disappeared, reporters might have to abandon the narrative and actually think, and let us think for ourselves. And you can’t have that.

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Reader Interactions

144Comments

  1. 1.

    JenJen

    April 10, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Earlier today I was on some other board where the nutters were all critiquing Obama’s baseball-throwing prowess, or rather, lack thereof. And the whole thing turned into a John Kerry Liked To Windsurf backslapping kind of ritual.

    I didn’t understand it, and it gave me a headache, so I’m going to go play “Family Feud” on Facebook now, or something.

  2. 2.

    Chyron HR

    April 10, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Biden is a regular “Joe” who eats his cheesesteak like a man and says the “f-word” and it is cool.

    But… he totally IS! It’s awesome!

  3. 3.

    demkat620

    April 10, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    That was a short nap.

  4. 4.

    Comrade Mary

    April 10, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    I’ve never seen someone blog in his sleep before.

    Seriously John, the idiocy will still be here when you get up. No rush. Fais do-do.

  5. 5.

    Pigs & Spiders

    April 10, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Joe Biden is a big fucking deal.

  6. 6.

    Brick Oven Bill

    April 10, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    The civilizing evolutionary impact of gunpowder, Frenchmen, and cheese.

    The French used to be mean and own Europe. Then they went on to invade Russia in 1812, and burned down Moscow, either intentionally, or unintentionally. The French did not build hospitals for the Russians back then. This was unnecessary as the Russians had completely abandoned Moscow in advance of the French arrival because the French back then were scary.

    Gunpowder had just been introduced to the French biological strain of humanity a century or two earlier, and had not had a chance to civilize the majority of the population at this point. The Russians had 558 guns in that conflict that eliminated a large percentage of the aggressive traits of Frenchmen.

    The Germans took care of much of the rest of those aggressive traits a century later. Now Frenchmen just sit around and eat cheese. It should be noted however that even the French are capable of running nuclear power plants.

    And the narrative is that Joe Biden is a moron.

  7. 7.

    John Cole

    April 10, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Ehh, I checked my email and had 1900 emails and it gave me chest pains. I can nap later. I need to get this mess dealt with.

  8. 8.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Yeah, the other thing they don’t tell you is that Joe Biden used to live like 20 minutes from Philly and has eaten literally THOUSANDS of those things (and so have I).

  9. 9.

    Comrade Mary

    April 10, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    1900 emails? Sounds like it’s time for an email amnesty. Delete them all, issue a general apology, and ask people with urgent matters to contacts you again if they really need to.

  10. 10.

    Church Lady

    April 10, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    I like melted provolone on my cheesesteaks. Cheese Whiz is absolutely nasty.

  11. 11.

    dmsilev

    April 10, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Biden likes (or at least tolerates) Cheese Whiz? Somehow, I just lost a little bit of respect for him.

    (just kidding. Mostly)

  12. 12.

    Church Lady

    April 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    @John Cole: Aren’t you Mr. Popular…..

  13. 13.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    If you think that insulting the favored food of millions of people on the eastern seaboard (south of New England and north of Maryland and their crab of course) is going to make Biden look like a moron, you are sadly mistaken.

    I haven’t had a great Philly cheesesteak in years, since I left Delaware, and I’d pay decent money to find one here in Phoenix.

  14. 14.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Let’s see him put Nước chấm on his sammy!

  15. 15.

    Comrade Mary

    April 10, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    (Oh well, you’re an adult, so do what you want. I shouldn’t lecture other people while I still have some bike maintenance to finish, eh?)

  16. 16.

    Mnemosyne

    April 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    The weirdest thing about how the narrative works is how essentially random it is. It would be incredibly easy to paint Biden as a Kerry-style wuss — he’s an elite Easterner! He’s a lawyer! He took care of his kids after his wife died!

    But Biden drops a couple of f-bombs and suddenly he’s the manliest of manly men.

    (Don’t get me wrong — as I’ve said before, I love Crazy Uncle Joe. But it would be really easy for the press to reverse that image.)

  17. 17.

    BooThisMan

    April 10, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    There exist people older than 8 years who would willingly eat Cheez Whiz?

  18. 18.

    Bill H

    April 10, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    And Obama effectively puts down Stephanopoulos, so of course the media comes away with the message that “Obama picked a fight with Palin.” See, Political Catfights for more details of my thoughts of this idiotic meme.

  19. 19.

    MikeJ

    April 10, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    I always associate Philly cheesesteaks with Rehoboth, DE. Mainly because I only went to Philly a few times (other than Acela stations stops) but Rehoboth means summer and eating junk.

  20. 20.

    licensed to kill time

    April 10, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    The first time I was in Philadelphia a friend took me to Pat’s for a cheesesteak. When they started to squirt Cheez Whiz on it I almost fainted. I did not and do not consider Cheez Whiz a food. I was mercilessly laughed at by my Philly friends.

  21. 21.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    @MikeJ: When I ate meat (yea, I’m a swishy Nam vet who quit eating red meat years ago) a Scala’s Chicago Italian Beef kicked the shit out of and philly whaddaya call it!

  22. 22.

    PeakVT

    April 10, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    The press would probably have a collective orgasm if Biden asked someone to pull his finger.

  23. 23.

    HRA

    April 10, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    I am with JenJen. This stuff makes my head hurt. I am off to play games, too.

    FTY I live with an ex-Marine who will eat his favorite Swiss cheese every day.

  24. 24.

    Toast

    April 10, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    And just what the fuck is wrong with spicy mustards?

  25. 25.

    licensed to kill time

    April 10, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    @John Cole: Didn’t you just delete 1600 emails the other day? Holy Moses.

  26. 26.

    BooThisMan

    April 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    Also, real mean take the train to work? I thought they drove their Hummers.

  27. 27.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    @Toast: Nuthin as long as they it’s Ball Park Mustard, none of that Grey’s stuff!

  28. 28.

    John

    April 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    I like whiz AND I windsurf. I wonder if the two cancel out and I’m just a regular guy…

  29. 29.

    Cat Lady

    April 10, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    @PeakVT:

    Jeebus. I had forgotten that Bush used to love to tell fart jokes and the Village idjits all thought it was funny. Another reason to burn the place down.

  30. 30.

    Toast

    April 10, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    @BooThisMan Exactly. Trains are Yurpean and socialist.

  31. 31.

    MikeJ

    April 10, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    @John: It would be interesting to compare the upper body strength of a macho man’s man like Dana with somebody who windsurfs regularly. I have doubts that he could get his mast hoisted (insert joke here).

  32. 32.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Go to Jim’s on South St and get your steak with whatever–provolone, whiz, american, hoagie style etc. I can’t digest the fromage, but if I could I would eat a “whiz-wid” or possibly three. Pat’s is classic 3AM sober-up eatz. Abner’s was good in the day when I lived there. Geno’s is racist trash.

    Oh, and John Kerry is a great big doofus-head, pinkies extended or no. Also.

  33. 33.

    eemom

    April 10, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    @MikeJ:

    I used to get those boardwalk french fries at Rehoboth, the big fat kind you put vinegar on. Those were yummy.

  34. 34.

    John

    April 10, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    There’s plenty of Philadelphians who get cheese steaks with provolone or American, rather than whiz. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is being a dick. There seems to be a tradition of trying to convince tourists that whiz is the only “real” way to get a cheesesteak, but the other cheeses are just as legitimate.

    I would say that Pat’s isn’t the best place to do that – when I’ve gotten a provolone cheese steak there, they stick the provolone on at the end, so it doesn’t melt into the steak, and so it generally isn’t very good. Pat’s is really focused on the whiz. I’d say that in general Pat’s is pretty overrated. Tony Luke’s or Jim’s are both considerably better.

  35. 35.

    Mnemosyne

    April 10, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    People do get very protective of their weird regional foods. I remember there being a kerfuffle when Carol Moseley Braun said she put ketchup — ketchup! — on her Chicago-style hot dog. You’d think she said that she only ate hot dogs made out of actual puppies. Mike Royko got a whole column out of it.

  36. 36.

    Adrienne

    April 10, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    @Church Lady: Yeah, I’m actually FROM Philadelphia, born and raised and I don’t eat cheesewhiz on my steaks. American or provolone, but definitely WITH the onions. You gotta have the onions. Plus, noone from Philly really goes to Pat’s anyway. It’s a tourist spot. The best steaks down there are from Jim’s on South Street.

  37. 37.

    jwb

    April 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    @licensed to kill time: Maybe that’s how they eat their cheesesteaks in south Philly, but I lived in Philly for 6 years, downed plenty of cheesesteaks and never once was offered the option of Cheez Whiz. It was always provolone and red sauce in my part of town (west Philly).

  38. 38.

    licensed to kill time

    April 10, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    In Holland they put mayonnaise on french fries. Umm, frites met mayo…it is amazingly good! Far better than Cheez Whiz on anything.

    @jwb : Believe me, I would have avoided it if I had known they were going to squeeze that plastic goo on my steak. It seemed to be de rigeur at Pat’s. I was a novice cheesesteaker.

  39. 39.

    Adrienne

    April 10, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    @John:

    I’d say that in general Pat’s is pretty overrated. Tony Luke’s or Jim’s are both considerably better.

    This. A million times, this. I didn’t read your comment until mine had already posted. But it annoys me to no end when ppl NOT from Philly try to speak on the “correct” way to each a damn cheesesteak. People who’ve spent any significant time in Philly know that the correct way to eat a cheesesteak is however you fuckin want it! Lol.

  40. 40.

    El Cid

    April 10, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    John Kerry was a long-faced French lookin’ faggort who merelyl ran direct into enemy gunfire to save his men, while a brush-clearin’ man’s man knew that flyin’ fighter planes over Texas (occasionally even showing up!) is the real macho thing to do.

    Also, any cheese other than Cheez Whiz is a bunch of gay ass pointy head elite shit.

  41. 41.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Where do all the hippist meet? (South Street, South Street)
    Where the dancin is elite (South Street, South Street)
    Side by side we’re loose and neat
    When we’re stompin down the street
    Hurry down, baby she’s the hippist street in town!(Oh baby)

  42. 42.

    El Cid

    April 10, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    I’m surprised that the Republican National Convention in 2004 didn’t hand out purple Philly Cheese Wizwit bandaids to show how brave & patriotic they were.

  43. 43.

    John Cole

    April 10, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    I can’t imagine why anyone would go to a major port city and eat… cheesesteak. You can get that shit in any one horse town in the country. I’ve had Pat’s once, but jesus. There have to be some pretty awesome deli’s with great imported meats. Maybe it is because I’m from WV, but when I go to a major city, I’m eating Thai, or Indian, or something I can’t get every day in WV. If I have to eat deli food, get something like a hot pastrami or something good.

    But cheesesteak? Screw that.

  44. 44.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 4:50 pm

    @El Cid: That was the first sign of these punk ass teabaggers with their weasely fucking signs.

  45. 45.

    El Cid

    April 10, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    @stuckinred: Had they started yet with the Revolutionary War cosplay?

  46. 46.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    @John Cole:
    What next, you’re gonna say you prefer those poofy NYC pretzels over Philly’s finest? Sheesh.

  47. 47.

    Brachiator

    April 10, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    @Adrienne:

    People who’ve spent any significant time in Philly know that the correct way to eat a cheesesteak is however you fuckin want it! Lol.

    I always thought that the correct way to eat a cheesesteak was to go to New York or Chicago for food really worth eating.

  48. 48.

    Joey Maloney

    April 10, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    @stuckinred:

    “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

    “Why no, I wiped it all off!”

  49. 49.

    Toast

    April 10, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    @John Cole: Here in suburban Connecticut (aka “Fake America”) I can get Thai or Indian or whatnot whenever I want. If you’re talking pastrami, though, Katz’s in Manhattan. Best Reuben I’ve ever had in my life. Makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

  50. 50.

    The Moar You Know

    April 10, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    The profound lack of self-awareness in our media is stunning, and makes you wonder if DougJ is right that most of them are simply sociopaths.

    I don’t wonder at all. He was right when he said it and he’s right today.

  51. 51.

    HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist

    April 10, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    Maybe it is because I’m from WV, but when I go to a major city, I’m eating Thai, or Indian, or something I can’t get every day in WV.

    Embrace your inner-Frenchman, John. And kiss him on each cheek.

  52. 52.

    DBrown

    April 10, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    @Church Lady: Melt Cheese Whiz on a sandwich? I thought the stuff just oozed onto things … or does it move on its own?

  53. 53.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    @licensed to kill time:

    We never ate cheese whiz on Philly Cheesesteaks when I lived just 30 miles down the turnpike. That was a trend that got started after I left. I haven’t lived there in about 20 years though.

    For me, it was lots of onions, lots of cheese, lots of mushrooms and lots of ketchup!

  54. 54.

    JGabriel

    April 10, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    @Church Lady:

    I like melted provolone on my cheesesteaks. Cheese Whiz is absolutely nasty.

    Bingo!

    Cheese Whiz(tm) is for the tourists from the mid-west. As someone who grew up in the Wyoming Valley area of PA, which is probably where the cheesesteak was invented, everyone knows that the proper choices for cheesesteak cheese are: provolone, swiss, mozzarella, american, colby, jack, or cheddar.

    Cheese Whiz(tm) is absolutely disgusting. The Campbell’s “cheese soup”* variation, which is kind of like a less chalky Velveeta(tm), that’s frequently substituted for “whiz” is okay on fries though, and tolerable on sandwiches, though not actually good.

    (Most places that advertise Cheese Whiz(tm) are really using the Campbell’s cheese soup instead.)

    .

  55. 55.

    Brachiator

    April 10, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    But yeah- it is news, because the narratives must be maintained. Biden is a regular “Joe” who eats his cheesesteak like a man and says the “f-word” and it is cool.

    A while back, HuffPo had an article about state dinners of eras past. Few of them featured “everyman” food. Here’s one from a Dubya event.

    The dinner menu nodded both to Mexico’s cuisine and President Bush’s tex-mex sensibilities:
    …
    Maryland crab & pozole chorizo with summer vegetables
    …
    Pepita-crusted bison
    …
    Poblano whipped potatos
    …
    Salad of gold and red tomatoes
    …
    Mango and coconut ice cream dome

    Maryland crab is Tex-Mex? Who knew?

  56. 56.

    Luthe

    April 10, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    @Toast:

    Another liberal who lives in New York’s backyard suburban CT? I’m amazed. I live in a town with two Republican Parties, so…

  57. 57.

    kay

    April 10, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    If Sen. John Kerry’s presidential aspirations melt like a dollop of Cheez Whiz in the sun, the trouble may well be traced to an incident in South Philadelphia on Monday

    Kerry won Philadelphia with 80% of the vote.

    That philly steak gaffe was a real deal-breaker. Yes, siree.

  58. 58.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    @MikeJ:

    Funny, I lived in Delaware, and I spent my summers in a 20th story penthouse in Ocean City, MD (got to have the run of the place all to myself one year too, lived there off season, kind of fun, even if the town was more than a little empty. The Bearded Clam (my favorite bar at the time) was still open. ;)

  59. 59.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    @Brachiator:

    That ain’t they way I eat Maryland crabs!

    Ewwww!

    Although, on second thought, we do have a mexican market here in Phoenix that sells blue crabs, perhaps that’s why and I just figured it out.

  60. 60.

    The Moar You Know

    April 10, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    I’d also just like to point out that I have never had a cheesesteak in my life, and wouldn’t know what to do with one if you tossed it in front of me.

    I was raised on Southern California Mexican food and IMHO it is the only food worth eating. In a pinch I will settle for New Mexico’s Mexican food, they don’t do too badly but it’s not the same as here.

    You can keep your cheesesteaks. I’ll be stuffing myself into my grave at Roberto’s here in San Diego, one delicious carne asada burrito at a time. Or roll tacos, gucamole and sour cream mandatory. Fuck. You guys just don’t know what you’re missing.

  61. 61.

    JGabriel

    April 10, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    I always thought that the correct way to eat a cheesesteak was to go to New York …

    Sigh. I live in NYC, and I’ll be the first to admit that we don’t have the best cheesesteaks. There’s a couple of places – one on West 4th btwn Wash Squ. and 6th, the other at 34th & 3rd – that are pretty good, but none that I know of which are great.

    You have to go to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, Pittsburgh, or Reading/Allentown/Philadelphia, in that order, for a really great cheesesteak.

    .

  62. 62.

    Jon

    April 10, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Best Philly steak I ever had in my life was 3000 miles from Philly. It’s Amato’s, in Saratoga CA hard by San Jose. Run by people from Mount Ephraim, NJ, who have a big green and silver catering truck with Eagles logos and a lined astroturf field in the bed of same. Shorty steak with white American cheese and green peppers = paradise. And it will take Pat’s and Geno’s and rough them up like they were thrown out of the Fantasy Showbar on the Black Horse Pike.

  63. 63.

    Toast

    April 10, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    @Luthe: Simsbury Dems are actually doing OK.

  64. 64.

    JGabriel

    April 10, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    @Little Dreamer:

    For me, it was lots of onions, lots of cheese, lots of mushrooms and lots of ketchup!

    For me it was: pizza sauce, green peppers, onions and cheese (usually provolone, or a shredded mix of provolone, mozzarella, and american/colby).

    The classic, really.

    .

  65. 65.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    The secrets to a really good steak sammich are:
    1 Nearly frozen rib-eyes, slices up nicely;
    2 Italian bread roll–this might be the most important element, and the choice of cheese pales in comparison.

  66. 66.

    slag

    April 10, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    @kay: I think a lot of people in the press just assume that the rest of us are as mindless and superficial as they are. They would vote based on sandwich preferences, so why wouldn’t everyone?

    Also, Obama impudently left his lair without his stalkers in tow. Let the hissing continue.

  67. 67.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    @The Moar You Know: Bah! Sonoran in Phoenix and Tucson is way better. Green corn tamales, chili relleno burros, cheese crisps on paper thin flour torts! El Bravo Cafe on 7th in Phoenix and El Charro in Tucson!!!

  68. 68.

    Adrienne

    April 10, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    @Brachiator:

    I always thought that the correct way to eat a cheesesteak was to go to New York or Chicago for food really worth eating.

    Elitist.

    Edit: And I now live in NYC. But Chi? Puh-leez.

  69. 69.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    Yo, Adrienne! :-)

    ETA Temple grad, now in that pulled-pork capital right near Mayberry.

  70. 70.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    @Adrienne: I repeat, no philly cheese on earth touches a chicago italian beef.

    An Italian beef is a sandwich of thin slices of seasoned roast beef, dripping with meat juices, on a dense, long Italian-style roll, believed to have originated in Chicago, where its history dates back at least to the 1930s.[1] The bread itself is often dipped (or double-dipped) into the juices the meat is cooked in, and the sandwich is typically topped off with Chicago-style giardiniera (called “hot”) or sauteed, green Italian sweet peppers (called “sweet”).

  71. 71.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    @Mike E: cuff and link

  72. 72.

    kay

    April 10, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    @slag:

    They’re just really, really rigid conventional people.
    I don’t know how that profession works, as far as advancement, but it must have something to do with “strict adherence to conformity”, because there’s some selection process going on here.
    They somehow end up with gossipy nit-picky scolds at the highest pay grade.

  73. 73.

    MikeJ

    April 10, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    @slag: How dare he go to his daughter’s football game. He is truly history greatest monster.

  74. 74.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    And no one has even mentioned ‘Nawlins. Talk about food,

  75. 75.

    slag

    April 10, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    @JGabriel: All I know about Cheez Whiz I learned from The Blues Brothers.

  76. 76.

    Adrienne

    April 10, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    @Mike E:

    2 Italian bread roll—this might be the most important element, and the choice of cheese pales in comparison.

    Amoroso’s only. If it ain’t on Amoroso’s you can’t legitimately call it a cheesesteak.

  77. 77.

    MattR

    April 10, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    @MikeJ: But how do we know that is what he really did if the press weren’t there to document it? He could have been at a secret meeting with Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright.

  78. 78.

    Comrade PhysioProf

    April 10, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    If Biden were a real man, he would have ordered a whiz wit, not witout. This proves he’s an even worse faggity windsurfer fag than Kerry.

  79. 79.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    @Adrienne:
    Had this discussion last time I was in Philly and had a steak at Campo’s Deli on Market (really good), they informed me that Amoroso’s had changed hands and were no longer the bread of choice–stunned, I was. They were it for years…

  80. 80.

    burnspbesq

    April 10, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    @Little Dreamer:

    There is a chain in SoCal called Philly’s Best that does a respectable job. There is one less than 15 minutes from John Wayne Airport, so it’s a five hour round trip if you get desperate.

  81. 81.

    slag

    April 10, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    @kay: That’s a good description. I don’t know how that industry works either, but it’s been my experience that organizations with those specific types of problems typically acquire them through network-based hiring/promoting rather than merit-based hiring/promoting. Typical Old Boys type stuff.

  82. 82.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    And there are Portillio’s in California for Italian Beefs!

  83. 83.

    Adrienne

    April 10, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    @stuckinred: So, it’s basically a damn roast beef sandwich on an italian roll? With toppings that we put on a hoagie? Heh.

  84. 84.

    Svensker

    April 10, 2010 at 6:02 pm

    The Narrative Reigns Supreme

    The cheese stands alone.

    A really good cheesesteak is a thing of beauty. Not with Cheese Whiz tho. Feh.

    There’s all kinda good food all across this country, from New England lobster rolls, to the handmade corn tortillas I used to get in a little taqueria in L.A., to Bobak’s sausages in Chicago, to the best BBQ in the entire universe in Lexington, NC, and on and on. Shame people eat that crappy McDonald’s stuff, when there’s food that tastes good and that somebody actually cared about when they made it and it’s more fun to eat it, too. Harrumph.

  85. 85.

    Ronnie P

    April 10, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Joe Biden’s at the MLS game in Philly right now. Does this hurt him or help him?

  86. 86.

    Adrienne

    April 10, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    @Mike E: Uggghh, BLASPHEMY! What in the hell are they using now? Amorosos made THE best rolls. I can’t imagine.

  87. 87.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    @burnspbesq:

    so it’s a five hour round trip if you get desperate.

    Thanks, I’m taking two nights off of doing my route in May (been doing it every night since mid-January – a girl’s gotta take a day off sometime).

    Perhaps I just might swing by. ;)

  88. 88.

    slag

    April 10, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    @MikeJ: Seriously. Could you imagine having to live that kind of life? With those catty imbeciles following you around all the damn time?

    Not that having to put up with them should give the President the right to assassinate Americans, but now I can totally see where the urge would come from.

  89. 89.

    burnspbesq

    April 10, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    @Toast:

    Sorry. I love Stage Deli as much as the next person, but the best pastrami on earth is found at the corner of Seventh and Alvarado in LA. Langer’s rules!

  90. 90.

    d0n camillo

    April 10, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    This whole cheesesteak thing pissed me off no end when it happened in 2004. Were we really going going to select the leader of a nuclear armed superpower based on his choice of sandwich condiments?

    There’s a reason so many of us loathe villager journalists like Dana Milbank.

  91. 91.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 10, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    @JGabriel #61:

    You have to go to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre [. . .] for a really great cheesesteak

    Cool. I’m going to be going through Wilkes-Barre in a few weeks (to research an ancestor who was killed in the Wyoming Valley Massacre of 1775) on my way to a family gathering in southern Ontario. I expect I could build in time for a proper cheesesteak. Any recommendations?

  92. 92.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    @Adrienne: I’ve had both, have you?

  93. 93.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    @burnspbesq:

    I used to live in Jacksonville Beach, FL years ago. My ex went to work (and subsequently I did too) for a little shop called “A Little Bit of South Philly” that he found just hanging out around town, not far from where we lived (he and I were both from Delaware).

    Turns out the parents of a guy I dated in high school in Delaware moved to Jax Bch and owned the place. It closed a year or two afterwards though.

  94. 94.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    @Adrienne:
    I know! My Carolina-born daughter was there gnoshing on her 1st steak sammich, otherwise I’d have gone berserk, tossin’ tables on hearing the bad news. You just don’t mess with tradition! (They were whiz-wid, BTW;-)

  95. 95.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    @Svensker: I just pulled the roaster off the smoker, the red beans and rice are done, Laissez les bon temps rouler!

  96. 96.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    April 10, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    I once crawled a mile on my belly through machine gun fire for a slab of Arugula to go on my BLT. Bet Obama ain’t done that.

    Seriously Cole, you need to pace yourself. This crazy will seem like tea with the frickin queen, once Breitbart gets his brown bag filled with Koch cash this fall and goes national. There will likely be billboards showing Obama eating fetus sandwees before it’s all said and done.

  97. 97.

    Brachiator

    April 10, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    @JGabriel:
    RE: I always thought that the correct way to eat a cheesesteak was to go to New York …

    You have to go to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre, Pittsburgh, or Reading/Allentown/Philadelphia, in that order, for a really great cheesesteak.

    LOL. I meant that there ain’t no reason to eat a cheesesteak at all, and even less reason to go to Philadelphia, unless you’re going to see the Liberty Bell.

    More seriously, a cheesesteak is OK, but it’s not like its barbecue ribs, or a fat hamburger, or a pizza, or a burrito, or dim sum, or something really worth arguing over.

    Oh yeah, I love Dijon mustard on my Texas hamburgers.

  98. 98.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    @Ronnie P:
    Who amongst us doesn’t like a good football soccer match?

  99. 99.

    Tara the antisocial social worker

    April 10, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    Kerry won Philadelphia with 80% of the vote.

    Kay! No fair ruining a perfectly good narrative with that reality-based stuff!

  100. 100.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:13 pm

    A cheesesteak, also known as a Philadelphia cheesesteak, Philly cheesesteak, or steak and cheese, is a sandwich made from thinly sliced pieces of steak and melted cheese in a long roll.

    Like this is some amazing culinary triumph.

  101. 101.

    burnspbesq

    April 10, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    @stuckinred:

    Impostor. The “Chicago beef” sandwich was invented at Philippe’s in downtown LA, which is still going strong after 105 years.

  102. 102.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 6:14 pm

    @stuckinred:

    El Bravo Cafe – 7th Ave or 7th Street and ummm, cross street? I don’t know where it is, neither does TZ. I’m on 7th Ave right now.

  103. 103.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 10, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    @slag #66:

    Also, Obama impudently left his lair without his stalkers in tow. Let the hissing continue.

    Awww. POTUS hurt the Villagers’ wittle fee-fees. Waaaanhh!!

  104. 104.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    @stuckinred:

    Like this is some amazing culinary triumph.

    Yeah, and The Beatles were just some band.

  105. 105.

    Kobie

    April 10, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    If anyone wants to witness the death throes of journalism in this country, please refer yourself to the second and third links provided above.

    What the fucking fuck.

  106. 106.

    Anne Laurie

    April 10, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    @John:

    There seems to be a tradition of trying to convince tourists that whiz is the only “real” way to get a cheesesteak, but the other cheeses are just as legitimate.

    Convincing tourists that they have to eat something disgusting for the ‘authentic experience’ is a tradition as old as… well, tourism, probably. It’s my personal explanation for the whole “Come to New England, eat a lobster!” trope. (When the Puritan tourists first developed the theme park known as ‘America’, lowly apprentices had clauses in their contracts mandating that they could be forced to eat lobster only so many times per month.) Yes, I understand that many people are fond of lobster, but you have to admit that it took a brave and desperate individual to parse the mechanics of eating what’s essentially a salt-water cockroach.

  107. 107.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    April 10, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    @John Cole:

    Maybe it is because I’m from WV,

    This is healthy talk. You are coming to embrace your inner Hillbilly. There is much work yet to do, but I am for ya if you need a recipe for fried squirrel casserole served served under a fine Possum grease gravy. Yumm de Lumm!

    If there is a crek neer by, don’t fight the urge to put out a Trotline. The experience will complete you.

  108. 108.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:
    Down here in Mayberry, it’s called Brunswick Stew (look it up).

  109. 109.

    jeffreyw

    April 10, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Never saw the real thing, took a go at one anyway.

  110. 110.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    @Anne Laurie:

    Oh pish!

    I used to eat Maryland Crab daily in summertime from the time I was five until I was out of the house and my parents wouldn’t buy me anymore. That’s another bug of the sea, so the analogy should fit. Although I should admit, lobster is quite a bit more rich than crab. I am not sure I’d want it every day, but, every three days would do. ;)

  111. 111.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    @Little Dreamer: El Bravo Mexican Food is located at 8338 North 7th Street, Phoenix 85020,

  112. 112.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    @Little Dreamer: El Bravo Mexican Food is located at 8338 North 7th Street, Phoenix 85020

    El Bravo might not look like much, but this Phoenix southwestern café is by far one of the best regional restaurants in town. All of your favorites can be found here, including delicious tacos, burritos, enchiladas, and much more. Many authentic desserts are also served. This Sonoran restaurant may have a less than desirable appearance, but the food will always bring you back.

  113. 113.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    @Mike E: That’s right what YOU grew up on is unquestionably the best.

  114. 114.

    Mike E

    April 10, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    @stuckinred:
    Hey, your sammich rocks too, I’m sure. I could go for a BLT with some backyard tomato right about now, if they were in season. 20 years ago, somebody down here made me a tomato biscuit with butter and a little Mrs. Dash and I just about died, it was that good–I can’t wait for summer ‘maters.

  115. 115.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    @stuckinred:

    TZ says we’ll check it out and let you know how it was. ;)

  116. 116.

    Ash Can

    April 10, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    @stuckinred: I don’t know about Adrienne, but I’ve had both. Philly steaks are nice enough — kind of like Italian beefs without the seasoning. Poor Adrienne doesn’t know what she’s missing.

  117. 117.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    April 10, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Narrative, You want NARRATIVE!

    PALIN: We should create a competitive climate for investment in renewables and alternatives, none of this snake oil science stuff that is based on this global warming, Gore-gate stuff that came down where there was revelation that the scientists, some of these scientists were playing political games. I

    That’s narrative drill baby drill. That’s wingnut Zen. The real deal. Primo Stuff. Read it and weep.

    via Think Progress.

  118. 118.

    Little Dreamer

    April 10, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck:

    some of these scientists were playing political games.

    And some of these politicians are playing science games.

  119. 119.

    John Cole

    April 10, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    @Little Dreamer: Email me your email address. The one you have filled in is not working and I can not email that guy your email address.

  120. 120.

    demkat620

    April 10, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    @John Cole. You come see me. I live smack between Lancaster and Philly. We’ll go to the Amish farmer’s market and get some good ring bologna and lebanon bologna and some Shoo Fly Pie.

    Then we’ll go to Jim’s on South as somebody upthread said for a great cheesesteak but if you want some liberal elitist food, I’d recommend The Fountain Room at the Four Seasons.

    Sunday Brunch is phenomenal.

  121. 121.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    April 10, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    @Little Dreamer: the dimmwit apparently isn’t aware that alternative and renewable energy is the way to fight global warming.

  122. 122.

    demkat620

    April 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    @Little Dreamer: Oh man, Maryland Crabs. Have a friend with a boat we visit every year down on the Eastern Shore.

    Good god, those crabs are the best.

  123. 123.

    demkat620

    April 10, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    So, Mittens won the straw poll by one vote.

    The guy who didn’t show up beat the Newster and the Snowbilly by 6%.

    Hmm…

  124. 124.

    stuckinred

    April 10, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    @Little Dreamer: Cool, the relleno burros are great, all the pizzaz of a chile relleno without the deep frying. And, again, the green corn tamales will kill ya.

  125. 125.

    Comrade Mary

    April 10, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck: Jesus Hopscotching Christ. That’s a singularity of stupid.

  126. 126.

    jl

    April 10, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Cole is wrong on this one 100%. Ol’ Joe Biden IS a regular guy, a man’s man, a guy another man’s man would want to have a beer with and, heck, even go into a ‘safe hug’ at the end of the evening with no qualms.

    That is God’s truth, by God.

    It is true that Joe is crazy as a jaybird, insane in the brain, and has the protocol judgment of the Three Stooges (whence the patented BidenGaffe), but he is a regular guy.

    Dammit.

  127. 127.

    khead

    April 10, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    Pat’s and Geno’s both suck.

    Try Chink’s.

  128. 128.

    Schooner

    April 10, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    Generally hit Philly once a year on my way to the shore, I’ll stick with Abner’s on the steaks, one of the best parts of my trip (with American, no cheez wiz garbage) but I’m betting retards like Dana never get that far, too close to the blackety blacks north of 40th.

  129. 129.

    Ruckus

    April 10, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    @burnspbesq:

    No, the best pastrami was off a lunch truck made out of an old school bus, run by an old Italian couple, that came by my dad’s shop in LA every day. Of course that was 45-48 yrs ago, so I’m thinking maybe a little hard to get now. It was mouth watering tender, sliced thin, just heavenly. I’ve never had better and I’ve been looking ever since.

  130. 130.

    Cerberus

    April 10, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    Sandwich duels?

    You all lose to Denmark.

    No, seriously, they treat it like an art form here and they aren’t even aware they do so.

    People eating sandwiches for lunch, construct their sandwiches at the table, picking their ingredients from individual tupperware or packages and cutting the ingredients fresh for perfect balance. Insane.

    I’ve had some killer jewish deli, but the best sandwiches in the world I’ve ever eaten have been from Danish sandwich shops.

    On cheesesteaks, I’ve had some fag varieties which were tasty, but I feel regional dishes all kind of lose to New Mexico. They make Americanized mexican stylish and tasty.

  131. 131.

    Honus

    April 10, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    @General Egali Tarian Stuck: too early for a trotline. You go frog giggin’ on Middle Island Creek this time a year

  132. 132.

    Honus

    April 10, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    @demkat620: you mean trail bologna don’t chew?

  133. 133.

    Mnemosyne

    April 10, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    @Cerberus:

    Since Southern California is the gathering place for people from every country in the world, we have a whole town full of Danes (as seen in “The Simpsons” and Sideways.)

    The sandwiches are good at the Little Mermaid, but the aebleskivers are the real stars.

  134. 134.

    General Egali Tarian Stuck

    April 10, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    @Honus:

    About this time of year we’d usually go gigging for suckers making their spawning runs on the riffles of local creeks. But we did plenty of frog ginnin’ too on rivers and ponds. Then later in the summer we would drive the gravel roads at night hunting for rattlers, which wasn’t my fav for obvious reasons.

    Love the bullfrog legs cooked fresh out of the river, when they’re still a bit twitchy.

  135. 135.

    Svensker

    April 10, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    @stuckinred:

    I just pulled the roaster off the smoker, the red beans and rice are done,

    My point ezzackly. Red beans and rice is one of the dishes of the gods, as well. Good food. Why we gotta eat crap when red beans and rice is an option?

  136. 136.

    Jager

    April 10, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    When I used to go fishing with my Judge Grandpa at our cabin in Minnesota, he’d make very manly sandwiches, white bread, liverwurst, (from a local butcher) onion slices and yellow mustard. Later that night we’d have pan fried walleye, sweet corn and home fries and some kind of pie he’d pick up on the way to the lake. Breakfast, homemade hash with a couple of eggs on top…

  137. 137.

    auntieeminaz

    April 10, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    @stuckinred: Amen to that! Too bad it is not convenient for me.

  138. 138.

    icculus

    April 10, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    Yeah but he went to a soccer game tonight! I don’t know what to believe anymore.

    edit: and I see Ronnie P at 85 beat me to the punch. Oh well.

  139. 139.

    rikyrah

    April 11, 2010 at 12:39 am

    I repeat, no philly cheese on earth touches a chicago italian beef.

    AMEN

    Italian beef, mild and hot peppers, double dipped.

    DAMN….DAMN..DAMN..

  140. 140.

    Phoebe

    April 11, 2010 at 2:31 am

    @Mnemosyne: I know, plus he rides Amtrak! That’s like working for ACORN or something.

    And yeah, Kerry was a vet and all, but all of this box checking comes to nothing, because it’s really all about style, and particularly voice. Kerry has that reedy wheeze and hesitating inflection and that look on his face and it does not matter what he’s done. He could have been a NASCAR driver and it wouldn’t have helped.

    Plus I think a lot of Kerry-swiping on the part of the media people is a form of self contempt. It makes more sense that a Yale grad named Dana would jump at the chance to mock the bigger egghead pansy, you know?

  141. 141.

    asiangrrlMN

    April 11, 2010 at 9:01 am

    Can only have the Philly cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz. An ex convinced me to try it, and I was hooked. I love me some Biden, but it is funny how certain narratives get told, and they never change. I just bought his book, so I will tell you what manly insights he has after I read it.

  142. 142.

    DPirate

    April 11, 2010 at 9:22 am

    Regarding “the narrative: all well and good to call a spade a spade, but on the other hand, is it also true?

    I mean, when you choose someone to be friends with or to hire or to elect, the more you know the better, and things like this factor into your decision probably more than you know. We can say that politicians ought to be elected solely on the basis of record, or policy or whatever, but we would never do that in our more immediate and personal lives. It is great knowing how they eat sandwiches so long as we don’t allow the writer to tell us how to think about it.

  143. 143.

    Bobby Thomson

    April 11, 2010 at 11:55 am

    @Church Lady:

    I like melted provolone on my cheesesteaks. Cheese Whiz is absolutely nasty.

    So does Junior Bush, according to receipts from the campaign. Dude even lied about his sandwiches.

  144. 144.

    Bobby Thomson

    April 11, 2010 at 11:57 am

    @JenJen:

    Earlier today I was on some other board where the nutters were all critiquing Obama’s baseball-throwing prowess, or rather, lack thereof. And the whole thing turned into a John Kerry Liked To Windsurf backslapping kind of ritual.

    I didn’t understand it, and it gave me a headache,

    Not that much too understand, really. Those men have extremely tiny penises.

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