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You are here: Home / I Pity Anyone Who Isn’t Them Tonight

I Pity Anyone Who Isn’t Them Tonight

by @heymistermix.com|  April 13, 20108:04 am| 40 Comments

This post is in: I Smell a Pulitzer!, Our Failed Media Experiment

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At the Pulitzer site, the page on the commentary prize explains a hell of a lot about our current media culture.

For example, “witty” seems to be Pulitizer-code for conservative. Like Kathleen Parker (“perceptive, often witty”), Krauthammer’s ’87 prize called him “witty and insightful”. I think Parker’s alright, but how perceptive is it to file a whole column on the Stupak compromise without even mentioning the Hyde Amendment?

As for Krauthammer, I suspect he was better before the war, which might explain his ’87 prize. Not so for Friedman, who got the prize in 2002 for “his clarity of vision, based on extensive reporting, in commenting on the worldwide impact of the terrorist threat.” Suck on that.

That page also lists every Villager who will never be fired, including MoDo (’99), Ruth Marcus (runner-up in ’07), and of course Broder, who was the third recipient of the commentary prize in 1973.

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40Comments

  1. 1.

    Tim O

    April 13, 2010 at 8:07 am

    1973? Bravo, Dean Broder! The hits just keep on coming! He’s like the Picasso of Village “conventional wisdom”.

  2. 2.

    El Cid

    April 13, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Jamie Dimon and JP Morgan Chase says “Fuck homeowners, they don’t deserve shit from us.”

    JP Morgan Chase discovers the virtue of moral business practices when it comes to making sure that the government doesn’t pressure banks to not screw over homeowners:

    JPMorgan Chase Argues Against Mortgage Modifications, Citing Sanctity Of Contracts
    …
    Shahien Nasiripour | Huffington Post
    …
    With millions of homeowners losing their homes to foreclosure during this recession, megabank JPMorgan Chase plans to argue against the Obama administration’s latest weapon in its fight to stem the problem — principal cuts for struggling borrowers — by citing the sanctity of contracts and the borrower’s “promise to repay.”
    …
    In testimony to be delivered Tuesday afternoon, David Lowman, chief executive officer for home lending at the “Too Big To Fail” behemoth, will fight back against the program which calls for lenders and investors to decrease the outstanding debt owed on a home mortgage. While his competitors at Bank of America, Wells Fargo and Citigroup plan to dance around the issue — judging from their prepared remarks — Lowman cut right to it: borrowers don’t deserve it.
    …
    “Like all loans, mortgage contracts are based on a promise to repay money borrowed,” Lowman’s prepared remarks read. “Importantly, there is no provision in the mortgage contract, express or implied, that the lender will restore equity or reduce the repayment amount if the value of the collateral — be it a home, a car or a stock market investment — depreciates.
    …
    “If we re-write the mortgage contract retroactively to restore equity to any mortgage borrower because the value of his or her home declined, what responsible lender will take the equity risk of financing mortgages in the future? What responsible regulator would want lenders to take such risk?”

    Government intervention seeking banks’ modification of principal in mortgage contracts was exactly a method used in the New Deal’s Home Ownership Loan Corporation to help tackle the collapsed housing market, but, you know, they didn’t have the expertise of JP Morgan Chase, um, you know, collapsing around its own debts from fake asset gambling.

    June 13, 1933- The Home Owners Refinancing Act was to refinance homes to prevent foreclosure. It was used to extend loans from shorter loans to fully liquidate, longer term loans (typically 20-25 years). Through its work the Home Owners Loan Corporation (HOLC) granted long term mortgages to over a million people facing the loss of their homes. The HOLC stopped lending in 1935, once all the available capital had been spent. HOLC was only applicable to nonfarm homes, worth less than $20,000.
    …
    HOLC also assisted mortgage lenders by refinancing problematic loans and increasing the institutions liquidity. When the HOLC ended its operations and liquidated assets, HOLC turned a small profit.

    Clearly we can’t do without such Masters of the Universe using their Galtian wisdom to guide us poor soshullist peons through the mystical wonderland that is the freemarket.

    I hope we get to hear from such types as Senator Richard Shelby from Toyota, Alabama on how urgent it is for the government to break um them costly yoonyun contracts for them lazy fat Amurkan workers, ’cause, you know, sanctity of contracts and all.

  3. 3.

    Barry

    April 13, 2010 at 8:23 am

    “As for Krauthammer, I suspect he was better before the war, which might explain his ‘87 prize. Not so for Friedman, who got the prize in 2002 for “his clarity of vision, based on extensive reporting, in commenting on the worldwide impact of the terrorist threat.” Suck on that.”

    Krauthammer has always been Dr. Strangelove. Check out his TNR stuff from the 80’s. I’ll admist that his filters have been rotting, leading him to say more things that he’s probably always believed.

  4. 4.

    beltane

    April 13, 2010 at 8:27 am

    What unites every single person on this list is not their awfulness, but their worthlessness. They are all hacks who are mainly there to contribute their voices to the steady hum of conventional wisdom. Nothing is lost by not reading them.

    In a media universe as sleazy as ours, it is fitting that the commentary prize is awarded on the basis of “wit” and not on insight, originality or integrity. After all, wit is the age old hallmark of the professional courtier. Powdered wigs and beauty patches would be a nice added touch but are not strictly necessary.

    Charles Krauthammer, though, is a piece of work who deserves to be put in his own special category, preferably one with padded walls.

  5. 5.

    Violet

    April 13, 2010 at 8:32 am

    Why is there a commentary prize? That’s ridiculous. They reward people for having an opinion and stating it in an outlet large enough that a certain number of people might read it? Pathetic.

    If they’re going to give a reward for commentary, they should give one to the guys from South Park. No one does commentary better than Matt and Trey.

  6. 6.

    arguingwithsignposts

    April 13, 2010 at 8:34 am

    I don’t know, Mistermix. While I agree that there are some hacks on the list, it also includes Eugene Robinson (2009), Nicholas Kristof (06), Leonard Pitts Jr. (04), Colbert I. King (03), William Raspberry (94), Clarence Page (89), Dave Barry (88) and Ellen Goodman (80).

    That said, Paul Gigot? Really?

  7. 7.

    dmsilev

    April 13, 2010 at 8:34 am

    OK, this is just wrong:

    1999 Maureen Dowd of The New York Times

    For her fresh and insightful columns on the impact of President Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky.

    Makes me wish I lived in the world described by The Onion (their latest news video ends with a teaser of “coming up next, we meet with the pilot who heroically crash-landed his plane into Maureen Dowd”).

    dms

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    April 13, 2010 at 8:41 am

    @beltane #4:

    In a media universe as sleazy as ours, it is fitting that the commentary prize is awarded on the basis of “wit” and not on insight, originality or integrity. After all, wit is the age old hallmark of the professional courtier.

    I’ve jibe and joke
    And quip and crank
    For lowly folk
    And men of rank.

    I ply my craft
    And know no fear,
    But aim my shaft
    At prince or peer.

  9. 9.

    beltane

    April 13, 2010 at 8:43 am

    @El Cid: I’m all for the sanctity of contracts, etc. And if Jamie Dimon and the rest of them also believed in the sanctity of contracts, then they surely would not have objected to their banks being allowed to die an ugly death, with their own personal assets being subject to forfeiture.

    In a pure capitalist society, Mr. Dimon would have been forced to pawn his wife’s wedding band to pay off the depositors of his failed bank.

    It was a huge mistake to not make an example of at least one of these assholes.

  10. 10.

    NYT

    April 13, 2010 at 8:43 am

    “But celebration isn’t a likely option for those who want to defeat Bush more than they want American success abroad. A short list of those for whom successful Iraqi sovereignty is not such good news would include: the radical Islamist world, terrorists, al-Qaida, Michael Moore, George Soros, John F. Kerry, moveon.org and the Democratic Party.

    If you had to pick a team, which would you prefer: one who prays for victory or one who prays for defeat? ”

    This is a randomly selected piece of Kathleen Parker’s body of work.
    She could be replaced with a computer which randomly scattered Republican party talking points over a page and then filled in the spaces and no one would notice.

  11. 11.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    April 13, 2010 at 8:47 am

    Parker stands out in my memory for her column from (IIRC) the summer of 2001, pre-9/11, about how the fact that G Dumbya rode around his ranch, or as I call it, his “ranch”, in an old pick up truck with his (lap) dog in his lap (Barney, not Tony Blair or Frank Bruni) proved that the Supremes had made the right decision. I haven’t really been able to take her seriously since, though I am aware that she is marginally smarter than the Peggy Noonan Wannabe that column suggests.

  12. 12.

    El Cid

    April 13, 2010 at 8:58 am

    @beltane: Contract sanctity is not something you or I in the vulgar laity can be allowed to discuss. Contract sanctification can only be considered by high officials of the Free Market Church, Lucre’s representatives here on Earth, and they will let us know their decision by burning special $100,000 Treasury Bonds emitting different colored smoke on whether or not a contract is truly sanctified.

  13. 13.

    mistermix

    April 13, 2010 at 9:01 am

    @arguingwithsignposts: I agree that there are a lot of good columnists on the list. But there are also a lot of clunkers.

  14. 14.

    Linda Featheringill

    April 13, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Also on Pulitzer’s list of winners from previous years is Connie Schulz, wife of Senator Sherrod Brown. The prize was won before she became Mrs. Senator.

    But Connie was not a political commentator and so probably was not on your radar.

    I was kind of saddened when she married His Nibs and moved to DC. Maybe she will go back to writing fulltime someday.

  15. 15.

    PTirebiter

    April 13, 2010 at 9:13 am

    Senator Richard Shelby from Toyota, Alabama

    I remember watching Shelby bash the UAW contracts during hearings on the auto bailout. It was especially galling since Alabama, as a welfare state, used my money to bribe Toyota to locate at plant there. Not to mention our hurricane relief funds to build luxury suites for fans of The Crimson Tide. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  16. 16.

    melmoth

    April 13, 2010 at 9:15 am

    @NYT: Boy, that really is singularly awful. The pomposity mixed with superficiality is almost beyond the reach of ordinary mortals. Perhaps that explains the prize. It’s a reward for boldly venturing into new realms of vacuousness. Also, a great way to make the rest of the nuttery seethe with envy.

  17. 17.

    YellowDog

    April 13, 2010 at 9:27 am

    Krauthammer was a progressive on social issues, and he may still be, but you wouldn’t know it from his commentary over the past decade. Twenty years ago, his comments on Inside Washington were moderate to moderate-conservative. Now, he seems to be wholly owned by Fox News. He has also become mean-spirited. I hope Parker is not on the same trajectory.

  18. 18.

    Eric U.

    April 13, 2010 at 9:35 am

    the first time I became aware of Parker was when I read one of her particularly mean-spirited columns in my local paper. I don’t think you have to worry about her becoming mean-spirited. Vile lies and propaganda are her specialty.

    IIRC, Parker recently wrote a column that actually made sense, a first for her. Noonen has done it twice.

  19. 19.

    David in NY

    April 13, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Heh.

    I Feel Pretty, Westside Story, lyrics by Sondheim
    __
    I feel pretty
    Oh so pretty
    I feel pretty, and witty and bright
    And I pity
    Any girl who isn’t me tonight.

  20. 20.

    aimai

    April 13, 2010 at 9:45 am

    Ah, Kathleen Parker, the “witty” one. From GG during the 2008 campaign (can’t find the link to my original takedown at If I Ran the Zoo.)

    In one of the most repellent columns one will ever read, syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker defended Fry’s claim that Obama is something other than “a full-blooded American.” Advancing an argument that Atrios guest blogger aimai aptly described as “Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führer!,” Parker said “we now have a patriot divide” in America that “has nothing to do with a flag lapel pin . . . or even military service.” Instead:__
    It’s about blood equity, heritage and commitment to hard-won American values. And roots.
    Some run deeper than others and therein lies the truth of Josh Fry’s political sense. In a country that is rapidly changing demographically — and where new neighbors may have arrived last year, not last century — there is a very real sense that once-upon-a-time America is getting lost in the dash to diversity.__
    We love to boast that we are a nation of immigrants — and we are. But there’s a different sense of America among those who trace their bloodlines back through generations of sacrifice.

    aimai

  21. 21.

    slippy

    April 13, 2010 at 10:07 am

    @Violet: It’s tempting to rename this prize the asshole prize, seeing as it’s being given out for having an opinion.

    Which is just as unique and special as having an asshole.

  22. 22.

    Lisa K.

    April 13, 2010 at 10:07 am

    @beltane:

    What unites every single person on this list is not their awfulness, but their worthlessness. They are all hacks who are mainly there to contribute their voices to the steady hum of conventional wisdom. Nothing is lost by not reading them.

    This. The proliferation of the know-nothing punditry is one really nasty consequence of the mass information age. Why anyone really CARES what Tom Friedman, Kathleen Parker, Charles Krauthammer, MoDo et al think is a mystery. What makes their opinions more worthy than anyone else’s is beyond me.

  23. 23.

    WereBear

    April 13, 2010 at 10:08 am

    @aimai: Criminy!

    All the “bonded servants” transported for stealing a loaf of bread and yards of ribbon; they knew how to make a country.

  24. 24.

    Lisa K.

    April 13, 2010 at 10:15 am

    @aimai:

    We love to boast that we are a nation of immigrants — and we are. But there’s a different sense of America among those who trace their bloodlines back through generations of sacrifice.

    That is one of the most offensive things I have ever read. Yeah, Kathleen, ask a Vietnamese boat person who risked his kids’ lives on the high seas to get here about sacrificing for country. Ask a Mexican laborer who died in an overheating cargo truck trying for a better life. Ask a Soviet or Chinese dissident.

    What a fucking stupid racist, nationalistic thing to say. Yeah, Parker thinks for herself, all right. For her braindead teabagging self.

    Under the occasionally attractive wrapping, they’re all alike. Every single one of them.

  25. 25.

    OriGuy

    April 13, 2010 at 10:18 am

    One good choice is Mark Fiore, the first web-based editorial cartoonist. He does short animations for the San Francisco Chronicle website. Funny and pointed.

  26. 26.

    Downpuppy

    April 13, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Dottie West indeed deserves a Wurlitzer prize.

  27. 27.

    prufrock

    April 13, 2010 at 10:22 am

    I haven’t been able to take Parker seriously since she wrote that an 85% reduction in the odds of contracting HIV through condom use meant that there was a 15% chance of contracting HIV from any sexual encounter.

    Seriously.

    But even when used correctly and consistently, our best research shows that condoms fail 15 percent of the time in preventing the transmission of HIV/AIDS. “To me, that’s an unacceptable risk. Think about it. By the fact of your using a condom, you’re acknowledging that you may contract a disease that at worst may kill you and at least may make your life miserable. There’s an 85 percent chance you’ll be OK, but for me, that’s not enough.

  28. 28.

    LosGatosCA

    April 13, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Is there no respect? Is no one of stature immune to DFH scorn?

    Tom Friedman is so awesomey an institution in journalism that he has an interval of time named after him the ‘Friedman Unit.’

    Not even Einstein can claim that.

  29. 29.

    IndieTarheel

    April 13, 2010 at 10:33 am

    I’ve never been bothered to read any of Parker’s nonesense; thank you for letting me know I didn’t miss a thing.

  30. 30.

    Mike in NC

    April 13, 2010 at 10:52 am

    “Kathleen Parker: Not Quite as Stupid as Megan McArdle!”

  31. 31.

    PanAmerican

    April 13, 2010 at 10:53 am

    Parker is a Florida State grad. It’s a special Pulitzer for effort. She stayed in the margins and indented her paragraphs w/o help from her editor. Gold star!

    @PTirebiter:

    It’s also terrible industrial policy. There’s a reason big three plants on the coasts and in the south are gone.

  32. 32.

    Downpuppy

    April 13, 2010 at 11:28 am

    @YellowDog:

    Krauthammer isn’t mean spirited. Monty Burns is mean spirited.

    Krathammer is a twisted vessel of furious resentments.

  33. 33.

    Downpuppy

    April 13, 2010 at 11:32 am

    @David in NY:
    ack! I thought it was the Kenny Rogers/Dottie West duet “I feel sorry for anyone who isn’t me tonight”, but of course you’re right about West Side Story.

    Meanwhile, I have one of the worst country/pop songs EVER stuck in my head.

  34. 34.

    Sentient Puddle

    April 13, 2010 at 11:47 am

    @LosGatosCA: Ah, but Einstein has a spot carved out for him on the periodic table. And honestly, which would you rather be remembered by: an indeterminate measure of time, or a highly-radioactive synthetic element?

  35. 35.

    kth

    April 13, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Pulitzers are the Oscars of ink. In fiction, Larry McMurtry has one, but Don DeLillo doesn’t.

  36. 36.

    Tim O

    April 13, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    Broder 1973? How many decades can you coast on something like that? Why hasn’t one of his bosses, somewhere along the line, said, “Hey Broder, how about taking another crack at one of those Pulitzers? Or a Peabody? Or an O’Reilly Polk? Or one of those trophies they give to like, every kid on a Little League team, just for participating?

  37. 37.

    Comrade Kevin

    April 13, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    @PTirebiter:

    I remember watching Shelby bash the UAW contracts during hearings on the auto bailout. It was especially galling since Alabama, as a welfare state, used my money to bribe Toyota to locate at plant there. Not to mention our hurricane relief funds to build luxury suites for fans of The Crimson Tide. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

    and Toyota turns around and jobs the UAW workers at the NUMMI plant. That they were the only unionized Toyota plant workers was a sheer coincidence.

  38. 38.

    demtom

    April 13, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    I imagine Parker was singled out because she started backing away from the Bushian excesses of the GOP sometime around ’07, and can, these days, occasionally turn out a column that’s decently sensible. This is the kind of conservative a more-or-less liberal institution like the Pulitzers would a) want to encourage and b) applaud itself for its open-mindedness in awarding.

    This may be just me, but I always saw the Dowd award for ’98 as intended ironically. The DC media had covered the Lewinsky affair almost to the exclusion of everything else for an entire year, and the only mention of it from the Pulitzers was a prize to a catty gossip columnist. I saw it as quiet commentary on the press in general, but I might be overly rose-colored on that score.

  39. 39.

    LosGatosCA

    April 13, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    @Sentient Puddle:

    But Friedman is a synthethic highly radioactive journalist who invented the indeterminate measure of time.

    I also have it from unreliable sources that cab drivers in both Mumbai and Islamabad routinely name their children after him because his wife is flat.

  40. 40.

    David in NY

    April 13, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    @Downpuppy:

    Well, you get credit for spelling “West Side Story” right, even if you haven’t gotten rid of that other song by now.

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