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You are here: Home / Politics / Republican Stupidity / Lowdenomics

Lowdenomics

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If you don’t have a good health plan, one MRI can cost a couple thousand dollars. A visit to the ER to set a broken arm costs more than fifteen hundred even if you keep the costs at an absolute minimum (good luck at Mass General!). At the going rate of five to ten bucks per, that’s a lot of chickens.

Reader Interactions

117Comments

  1. 1.

    Mike Kay

    what about the chicken derivatives market.

    Then there’s the new game show, “Who Wants to be a Chickenaire!”

    of course, what I fear most, is the chicken-industrial-complex.

  2. 2.

    mai naem

    Well, I am just going to make sure I break my arm around Thanksgiving and that I raise turkeys. Grover Norquist would be proud of me. I am planning for my future in the free market.

  3. 3.

    Gozer

    I’d like to know what, in the addled minds of these nutcases, exactly differentiates bartering with goods and simply negotiating prices using legal tender.

    I’ve never bartered for anything outside of my gradeschool playground, but has it not occurred to these walking anuses that you have to pay for things to barter with in our modern economy…kinda defeats the purpose of bartering, don’t it?

  4. 4.

    Yutsano

    Chickens are valuable birds in the fact that they take very little space to raise, can be fed just about anything, and hens will produce about one egg a day until they get too old at which the bird can then be stewed. In the context of the Old West, chickens were a very valuable commodity. In this day and age, not so much. Not to mention the inevitable inflation that comes with chicks.

  5. 5.

    Brian J

    Just bake better cupcakes for the doctor, okay? Or better yet, don’t get sick.

    There, was that so hard?

  7. 7.

    jimBOB

    Couple summers ago I had a biking accident that left me with a broken finger needing stitches. Costs for dealing with it in the ER for a few hours were more than the value of my (then-new) bike. Not sure they would have taken it as a trade, though.

    The price of our family’s monthly health insurance premium would buy us a very nice big-screen TV with Blu-Ray every month. A few years ago it was half as much, and we thought it was steep then. Maybe next time I go for a checkup I should offer them one of my old analog TV sets in lieu of the co-pay.

  8. 8.

    electricgrendel

    I wonder if my landlord will let me start raising chickens in the laundry room? I gotta barter for those services somehow.

  9. 9.

    Mike Kay

    of course when you go overseas you have to deal with the exchange rate btwn chickens and ducks.

  11. 11.

    Violet

    Just sell a kidney. That should take care of a lot of the cost of the MRI. Don’t see what people are whining about. Most people have two kidneys! You can even sell of a bit of your liver in a pinch.

  12. 12.

    Zam

    I had some internal pain a couple years ago thought something had ruptured. They did some scans and gave me meds for the pain, that alone cost me near 5 grand. I eventually had to have my gallbladder removed but luckily by the time that came around I had a high paying job and some healthcare.

  14. 14.

    Joseph Nobles

    Hey, how about selling kids into indentured servitude to get a transplant? Everybody cool with that? I’ve got a 15-year-old nephew that needs some direction in his life…

  15. 15.

    scav

    This is a wonderfully odd night here. I read Lodenomics and morph over to Down Low, which is a fine example of complete mental dxylexia although given the usual obsession of the GnOPers, it’s but a small neuronal leap. But then my befuddlement at their seriously supporting what seems to be black market medical care collided with dark matter and dark energy so I didn’t even make the link to their hatred of the non-whitey whitey whitey president that proposed what they’re upset with only until halfway through this sentence . . . well, string of words, I won’t grace that mental meander with the dignity of calling it a sentence. I think you lot have finally managed to break my brain more than usual because there also seem to be bits of sphagnum moss stuck in the back and that was a VERY short thread tonight to get entangled with the rest.

  16. 16.

    Zam

    @Mike Kay: Hey if we get rid of all these liberal policies such as forced condom use and mandatory abortions there will likely be 6 billion new chickens.

  17. 17.

    freelancer (itouch)

    Man, I’m gonna go broke exchanging my fungible us currency for chicken coops. At least the back end of my investment will reap tons of savings. Best Health Savings Account ever!

  18. 18.

    clone12

    We can have a synthetic CDO (chicken debt obligations) where we securitize the cash flows due from the CDS bets against all these chickens!

    Now don’t any of you steal my idea, ok?

  20. 20.

    CADoc

    I’m cracking up wondering how the cardiologists in my area are going to pay the leases on their BMWs with chickens.
    I do family medicine in a small town and I get all kinds of great stuff: veggies, homemade wine, almonds, cookies. These are tokens of appreciation for the myriad of things I do for people that are never paid for (filling out forms, coordinating care, etc, etc) and are part of what makes primary care so emotionally rewarding. But you aren’t going to attract many med students to primary care with chickens.

  22. 22.

    GregB

    I went to my doctor and in lieu of pay I brought along Mitch McConnell, John Boehner and Eric Cantor.

    I said doctor, what kind of treatment can I get for three cocks?

  26. 26.

    asiangrrlMN

    I got my finger stitched by a doc in Urgent Care. Three stitches, $200. I consider that cheap. How many chickens is that?

    ETA: Ew, just ew on John Madden. EW!

  28. 28.

    JGabriel

    The real problem is that Republicans don’t go far enough. We need to deregulate the medical industry.

    For instance, why do doctors require doctor’s degrees? In a true libertarian paradise, anyone could put out a shingle offering doctor services, thereby increasing competitive pressure and bringing costs down! And if people don’t like the results of their surgery, they can just go to a different doctor next time (assuming they survive).

    And why all this folderol with the FDA? We don’t need no stinking government agencies requiring companies to make sure their drugs work – if it doesn’t work, the customer can go barter for something else. That’ll keep the prices down! After all, what rational, self-interested, company will sell customers something that doesn’t work?

    That’s just two quick examples of how completely deregulating health care will save us all. I could, of course, go on like this forever. Have you ever read Atlas Shrugged ?

    .

  29. 29.

    Mike Kay

    for the wealthy: More Chickens, More Problems.

    Chickens make the world go around.

    Chickens are a girls best friend

    Chickens are the root of all evil.

    In Chickens we trust.

    I’ve got 100,000 chickens in my nest egg

  31. 31.

    mai naem

    I think I will do a synthetic CDO on chickenhawks. I only want Republican chickenhawks. No Democratic chickenhawks. Also too, neocon chickenhawks.

  38. 38.

    rootless-e

    Let’s just hope ACORN can’t force banks to give chickens away to black people. Our chicken meritocracy would be threatened, along with our way of life, and chickenshit traditional values and marriages. Bankers would be forced to create synthetic collateralized poultry obligations and sell the equity tranche to muslim homosexual atheist terrorists who hate us for our freedom. Someone call Michelle Bachman, on the double!

  41. 41.

    Tom

    The secret is to pay the doctor in eggs. Eggs are potential chickens, so the right wing bartering doctors will value them 100x the price of a grown chicken.

    I’ve found that once they’re hatched, they don’t seem to have much barter value anymore.

  42. 42.

    Warren Terra

    I suspect we’re all overthinking yhis: barter is code for tax evasion.

    On the other hand, I guess this means KFC has the best health plan in the world!

  44. 44.

    mss

    Marx apparently got it wrong: Economic development doesn’t go: “Agrarian, Capitalist, Soc-ialist”, but “Agrarian, Capitalist, Suburban Subsistance Farming”. Glorious days ahead!

    I, for one, look forward to our new chicken-based monetary system. Making change will be fun!

    “I’d like to break this chicken into eggs, please.”

    But for large purchases, like MRIs, we’ll need to answer the question: How many chickens in a cow?

  45. 45.

    petorado

    It’s all fun and games in the chicken economy until avian flu happens. Nobody expects the avian flu! Just wait until Tyson and Goldman Sachs decide to short the chicken market when all the sick people in the nation are forced to go long. Those backyard chickens are goin’ down.

    But who am I to question progress that bartering represents –Forward! To the dark ages!

  50. 50.

    scav

    @Yutsano: well, the first probably entered the second and that might just be a way of visualizing the creation of a black hole. certainly the end-product is warping time and space although it does suddenly explain string theory. Furminator fluff.

  51. 51.

    Warren Terra

    I think we need more and better jokes in this thread about foxes, counting chickens, chickening out, duck duck goose, and crossing the road.

  52. 52.

    Billy K

    LOL. I work for a major retailer/corporation. We supposedly have “good” healthcare. It’s one of the selling point for working here.

    An associate recently broke her pinky, and so far the bill is over $15,000. She’s paid out over $5,000.

    For a broken pinky.

  55. 55.

    Ailuridae

    Strangest (and best) commenter driven thread in a while. Laughed pretty hard about four times. Thanks, y’all

  56. 56.

    JGabriel

    @rootless-e:

    if Ayn Rand had had a physician hero, he would have raped unconscious patients and sold their kidneys.

    Yes, but in an Ayn Rand novel, the patients would like it.

    And if they didn’t, they could always switch to a different barter network.

    .

  57. 57.

    scav

    @Warren Terra: nor have chicken feed and nest eggs been fully exploited. worse, what about the Hermaphrohens, the half-male-half-female chiickens that have suddenly appeared?! Seriously, they’re BOTH, and won’t that just blow the evangelical chicken-based economy’s mind?

    ok, really gynandromorphs to be dull and all technical.

  58. 58.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Did I tell you I’m slightly upset at cowboy daddy? He left me a message about a bar he knows in Phoenix but I didn’t hear about it until I got back. It’s a gay country bar, right up his alley. I bet he got laid in one of the bathrooms there. Oops, TMI?

  59. 59.

    Quaker in a Basement

    At the going rate of five to ten bucks per, that’s a lot of chickens.

    Not if you pay in free-range organic chickens like they sell at Whole Foods. You could get the MRI and a tummy tuck and still have change coming to you from the first chicken.

  60. 60.

    jl

    Not only that, if you get a 5 D MRI, they want 5 D chickens. Only the super rich will be able to get those, from super cutting edge hyper free range chicken farmers around NapaSonomaMendocino.

    Edit: more somber thought is that this may be reason for open carry movement. They might be able to get themselves better deals. Everything will go for one chicken.

  62. 62.

    jl

    Some commenters at Balloon-Juice know how to e-mail beers. One of them taught me how to.

    Things like that might come in handy in our new suburbo-survival-free-range-barter-anarcho-barter utopia.

    Remember to check out Balloon-Juice for useful survival tips.

  63. 63.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Baby mama is going out of the picture, so he’s getting full custody here soon. And it’s busy time on the ranch (it is a working cattle ranch, he just dumped off 66 pigs this week) so odds are all his time will be used up doing that and being a full-time dad. It would be sweet though.

  66. 66.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: He’s actually only a 12 hour drive from where I live, so if I wanted to make a road trip out of it I could. Or fly into Billings and rent a truck or something. I’ve planned it all out before, I had to back out for a few reasons (I’ve come to the conclusion I need either a different job in my company or a new one) but he wanted help inoculating calves. Plus nothing is cuter than baby cows. Pretty tasty too, although he won’t raise veal.

  68. 68.

    Jon H

    I wonder how that Florida wingnut urologist will feel if his Republican clients start paying him, literally, with peanuts.

  70. 70.

    freelancer (itouch)

    @jl:

    Some commenters at Balloon-Juice know how to e-mail beers. One of them taught me how to.

    not satisfied until someone cajiggers how to email In-N-Out burger. Craving that tonight.

  71. 71.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Heh. You should hear what he does when he needs some quick cash. Two words: bull semen. All he does is pleasure a few of his boys (he calls them draws, but I don’t wanna know what he’s thinking about when he does it) and puts it all on cold storage and ships it out. Because he has a good stock, he gets around $500 a pop for them. I told him he’s not allowed to complain about money ever again.

    @freelancer (itouch): In-N-Out burgers got ruined for me by the Rose Bowl. Very long story. Too long for an edit.

  73. 73.

    EcoRI

    Given that the average American’s healthcare costs are $7439 per year, and the average live chicken costs about $5, then the average American is going to have to raise just shy of 1500 chickens per year to live in Sue Lowden’s free market paradise.

    That’s a lot of poultry, my friends.

  74. 74.

    Joseph Nobles

    You can keep In-N-Out burgers. We’ve got a Five Guys here in Dallas. Burgers are just as good and the fries are three times better…

  75. 75.

    Martin

    @EcoRI: Well, I suspect that hot 18 year-olds will have the best access to health care in our new barter economy. Call me crazy.

  77. 77.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: I did the math once, for about three days work he earned something in the range of $80,000. All for jacking off cows. Apparently it’s not that easy, there are other tricks and dangers, but yeah.

  78. 78.

    freelancer (itouch)

    @Yutsano:

    J, it took me 4 whole minutes to figure out just WTF you and wifey have been talking about tonight. Cripes! Does Cole know what direction this blog veers after he, Tunch, and Lily tuck in for the night? Hooboy! Never know what you’ll find on BJ.

  80. 80.

    Warren Terra

    A bird in the hand is worth a physical examination. No idea what two in the bush are worth.

  81. 81.

    Martin

    @Joseph Nobles: I see your Five Guys and raise you a Tommy’s. No fucking way you’re going to top that.

    And In-N-Out fries are easily fixed by ordering extra crispy animal style, so I won’t even concede In-N-Out even though their standard fries are pretty meh – you just need to know how to order.

  83. 83.

    ThinkBlue

    Would betting on the value of chicken securities declining be called “cock shorting?”

  84. 84.

    Yutsano

    @freelancer (itouch): I am all about the opiates tonight. Mary Jane and I don’t agree with each other, so unfortunately I cannot partake of the cannabis sativa. I still like not being able to feel much of anything though. I’m waiting for the true high comedy skills to kick in.

  86. 86.

    Yutsano

    @freelancer (itouch): I think my brain might asplode. Then again it would mean my throat would stop hurting so I may have to seriously consider your suggestion.

    BTW applying for jobs while hopped up on Vicodin: good or bad idea? Discuss.

  89. 89.

    OriGuy

    I just saw my eye doctor for a case of pinkeye.
    Office visit base fee $372. Billed to insurance: $110. My co-pay: $15. Antibiotic eyedrops (3ml) billed to insurance $56.99. My co-pay $50.
    I don’t think Walgreens takes chickens.

  90. 90.

    Brachiator

    All this talk about chicken barter is a fiendish plot to limit wingnut medical practice to non-vegetarian doctors.

    It’s meatism.

  91. 91.

    jl

    @Brachiator:

    I think you could pass some Tofurky dogs and snausages. Probably only good for a rectal exam or a prostate poke from most docs, but that’s something.

  93. 93.

    Warren Terra

    With sympathies for the vegetarians (who, let’s face it, are really up the creek in our brave new Lowdenconomy): if chickens suffice to pay for a doctor’s visit, imagine what you can buy with bacon!

  94. 94.

    AngusTheGodOfMeat

    A lady trips over an exercise mat in her driveway, and falls down, about eight weeks ago.

    Breaks two front teeth, and suffers two fractures to right arm.

    Total medical and dental costs, at retail: About $55k, including 4 days/3 nights in hospital for orthopedic surgery to place a plate and eight screws in the arm.

    The patient just got clearance for full use of the healed arm, including driving, two days ago. Physical therapy is ongoing to regain full strength and motion.

    Millions of people have no coverage for this kind of medical situation, which can happen to anyone at any time.

    I’ve already related my own story of a bad afternoon that ran up over $150k in retail medical bills.

    Until everyone is protected, one bad xray, one bad blood test, one bad step, one bad car accident, can bankrupt an American citizen without warning. Old or young, healthy or not, fit or not, makes no difference.

    Best healthcare in the world, if you can afford it.

  95. 95.

    Warren Terra

    This whole thread, indeed this whole idea, is pure poetry.

    … no, wait, that’s not right. Poultry. This whole thread is pure poultry. Oh well, they rhyme, more or less.

  97. 97.

    TenguPhule

    Would betting on the value of chicken securities declining be called “cock shorting?”

    Micrococking.

  99. 99.

    Tattoosydney

    @Yutsano:

    Oh. You’re all over here now…

    he’s in a soul sucking meeting that he’ll need a long shower and kisses from the puppeh to recover from.

    This. So this.

    Hello. I need a caipirinha.

  102. 102.

    Susan Kitchens

    I am Sam
    Sam I am.

    Say, Doc,
    Do you want Green Eggs and Ham?
    Do you want them, Doc I am?

    Would you treat me here or there?
    Would you treat me anywhere?

    I could not, would not, in a house (call)
    I would not, could not, with a mouse*
    I would not treat you with that Fox (news)
    I would not treat you with botox

    I will not give you MRI
    I will save you should you die
    I will not send for lab results
    Nor treat your kids, I treat adults

    I will not heal you and be paid with food
    Oh Sam I Am, I am quite shrewd
    Your chickens are a food fee
    I need money to live on, you see
    I will not treat you for green eggs and Ham
    as sure’s my name is Doc I am.

    *Getting an upgraded medical record system requires actual money, not hen, chicks, or cocks or eggs

  103. 103.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: I’m just starting to come down from an opiate buzz that I’m deciding whether or not I should repeat at some juncture in the near future. That and for some bizarre reason after getting virtually no sleep over the last two days I have a massive case of insomnia. This does strengthen the hand for more Vicodin.

    Come stai? Other than your soul recovering from the trauma.

  105. 105.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: The beauty of having a good doctor (my GP) is that it allows you to spot a doc who couldn’t give a shit if he tried. I can always tell when my doc gets pissed at the decision of another doctor, he’ll say, “That’s interesting” and go into thoughtful pause mode. He said it about five times today. I get the feeling a clinic doc is about to get a sternly worded letter.

    What’s for din-din?

  106. 106.

    Susan Kitchens

    I have to say, that a trek to Wikipedia’s Green Eggs and Ham page(including a judicial decision a la Seuss!) and The Urban Dictionary in the chick…. section of the alphabet have been instructive.

    Chickamandee… needs to spawn chickamandate, for what Lowden hath wrought.

    In addition to Chickadoo, how about chickadoc? (for the doctor whose bill you wish to pay in poultry fees)

    and so on.

  107. 107.

    Tattoosydney

    @Yutsano

    eating at bloodwood – a new place near us that is part of the shareplate craze sweeping Sydney. The best charcuterie plate in sydney. Yum.

  111. 111.

    gelfling545

    I think some economists need to take a look at this idea or maybe we could get a CBO score? Should the chickens be alive? More intrinsic value to the chicken (eggs & potential breeding) but then you;d need to rent a truck so that would have to be factored in (along with emissions costs) or ready to cook ($60 office visit =8 to 10 chicken-not organic or free range) plus if you’re going to buy all those chickens why not use that money to pay doctor bill anyway? It’s fraught with difficulties. Then, what if your doctor is vegetarian? T’is a puzzlement.

    I guess chicken based health care will not work for me.

  112. 112.

    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal)

    What someone needs to do is start buying chickens and issuing Chicken Credit cards. These cards can be used to conveniently barter whenever you need to without the hassle of herding your chickens everywhere. Of course we wouldn’t want to leave the rich out so they would need to create a line of Golden Goose Credit cards specially for them. Maybe a Platinum Pheasant line?

    Who needs cash when you can use poultry plastic!

    Taking chickens into a strip club could get interesting though. I’d go just to watch the tipping.

  114. 114.

    JohnR

    ..that’s a lot of chickens.

    OK, so you pay in ducks instead (at 5 chickens to the duck) and let him keep the change. If that’s still too much, take it further – $1500? A low-grade 3-year-old horse, 2 pigs and a nice Labrador, and maybe throw in a kitten as a tip. I see a whole new economy coming.

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