Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

He seems like a smart guy, but JFC, what a dick!

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

“Alexa, change the president.”

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

You know it’s bad when the Project 2025 people have to create training videos on “How To Be Normal”.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

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Reader Interactions

105Comments

  4. 4.

    beltane

    Imagine how unbearably awful this country would be without Jon Stewart. He is like the depository of America’s sanity.

  6. 6.

    Cat Lady

    Today is the first day of the rest of Bernie Goldberg’s GFY life. Couldn’t happen to a bigger smarmier hypocritical douchey asshat. GFY Bernie!

  11. 11.

    Randy P

    I suggested in the earlier money thread that if the US is converting to a Chicken Standard, we need to keep chicken deposits at the Federal Reserve. The suggestion was made (by Bill E Pilgrim) that this be done in Chicken Bouillon (ba-dum-tish). Which I think is brilliant.

    But this begs an interesting question. If your doctor will take, say, 200 chickens in exchange for an appendectomy, can you pay it off as 20 bouillon cubes instead? Is it time to start hoarding bouillon? Will the currency exchange include beef and veggie?

  12. 12.

    beltane

    @Randy P: 200 chickens=$400. It’ll take you at least 2,000 chickens to pay for that appendectomy, and that is not including anesthesia. Chickens as currency isn’t worth chicken sh-t; Lowden should have proposed trading in sides of beef.

  14. 14.

    BethanyAnne

    Beyond all the concentrated awesome of the singers, I loved the bit about Fox News being the lupus of news. Just a fabulous meme.

  17. 17.

    geg6

    Dog in the bucket always makes my day. Thanks, John.

    Gotta admit, I’ve watched that entire Daily Show segment about a hundred times. It never gets old.

  19. 19.

    Brian J

    @Cat Lady:

    I’m not sure which Fox News personality deserves to be punched in the throat more: Dick Morris or Bernie Goldberg. Morris is a smarmy, stupid, turd of a human being who rode his time with the Clintons– which ended, what, 15 years ago?–into fame by bashing them at every turn. His predictions are about as valuable as Bill Kristol’s, because that’s how often they are right. On the other hand, Goldberg still tries to claim he’s a liberal, whereas Morris simply claims he’s being a centrist, which isn’t really true but not a baldfaced lie.

  20. 20.

    mr. whipple

    @beltane:

    ” Lowden should have proposed trading in sides of beef.”

    How about bluefin tuna? Beef and chicken would then be chump change.

  26. 26.

    Cat Lady

    @Brian J:

    Agreed it’s hard to choose which dick on Fox is the worthiest for a neck punch, but Dick Morris got one too, which was sweeeeet. I think that whole segment beats the Cramer take down, which has pretty much been my TDS high point.

  30. 30.

    burnspbesq

    The Fed is facing some serious challenges. I mean, how can you control the chicken supply if you can’t even measure it?

  31. 31.

    dmsilev

    @Randy P: I’m more concerned about what happens when we shift *off* the chicken standard and back to normal money. Will there be a Cash for Cluckers program?

    dms

  32. 32.

    Crashman

    @Randy P: What if my pet chicken gets sick and I have to take it to the vet? Does the vet get to keep my pet chicken, or do I pay him with some other poultry?

  33. 33.

    burnspbesq

    @Cat Lady:

    Agreed it’s hard to choose which dick on Fox is the worthiest for a neck punch

    Why choose? Punch ’em all, and let God sort ’em out.

  34. 34.

    burnspbesq

    We demand that China stop artificially manipulating the duck/chicken exchange rate, and allow the duck to find its true value.

  35. 35.

    scav

    @mr. whipple: Well, if we’re open to chicken AND beef AND tuna, we could certainly add veggies to our Stock Market (in honor of Earth Day no less not to mention serving those that can’t give up ‘mercan greenbacks). Chicken Bouillon would just be the reserve currency stored in Fort Knoxrr.

  37. 37.

    EconWatcher

    Funny thing about Stewart. He studied at William and Mary in the 80s, like I did (though he was a few years ahead and I never met him). At that time, the school was a hotbed of the most crazy wingnuttery you can imagine. (I think things have improved since then, and a liberal guy can actually get a date. But I digress.)

    Anyway, the Young Democrats had about three active members (literally), while the College Republicans had about 500 hundred, and there was a large and active chapter of Young Americans for Freedom. If you’re not familiar with YAF–they’d shun Limbaugh and Hannity as liberal squishes.

    This environment produced few liberals, but the ones who emerged tend to be streetwise and skilled in verbal combat. I think at least some of Stewart’s skill in combating wingnuts probably comes from those days.

  38. 38.

    geg6

    Since this is an open thread, I just have to say that I’ve lately been endlessly fascinated by the high jinks at the RNC under Michael “Token” Steele. And Benen just never disappoints on this issue. Today he reports on all the bad news coming out from the investigation into the finances from an article in the Washington Times:

    Barely 6 1/2 months before the midterm elections, an internal investigation by the Republican National Committee has revealed that the organization is beset with questionable financial management and oversight and is spending more money courting top-dollar donors than it raises.

    The investigation found that the Republican Party’s national governing body is losing money on its major-donors’ fundraising program — spending $1.09 for each $1.00 raised, according to RNC members privy to the investigation’s findings. It typically costs about 40 cents for every dollar raised from donors who give more than $1,000.

    The investigation also found that the RNC has allowed employees to forge Finance Director Rob Bickhart’s initials on expense-reimbursement request approvals, according to an RNC member who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of retaliation…. The report says several RNC Finance Department employees have been forging Mr. Bickhart’s signature for reimbursement for the purchase of clothing, wine and entertainment expenses, including some that were labeled as office supplies.

    They feel they can’t let this guy go because he’s their token and only defense against the obvious racism they peddle, but he is taking them down, financially. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was a Dem mole. I mean seriously, spending more to court donors than they actually donate?

    Too fucking hilarious. Party of fiscal responsibility, anyone?

  39. 39.

    ellaesther

    @beltane: He is one of the reasons — and I say this with all, genuine sincerity — that I love this country and am proud to be an American. I posted his post-9/11 return monologue on 9/11 this year because, honestly, has anyone said anything better about that event? Nope.

  40. 40.

    ellaesther

    @jeffreyw: HA! Hahahahaha! Ha! Heh! *cough* Could someone get me a glass of water?

    (I liked your comment. Very much).

    ETA: Actually, this whole chicken roll you’re on (“we can’t keep eating out seed chickens”?) is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

  42. 42.

    dmsilev

    @geg6: I was just reading that article. Absolutely hilarious. They can’t kick him out without suffering through a couple of months of “Republicans in disarray; oust highest-ranking black man in party” stories, and they can’t keep him because he’s an incompetent clown.

    I’m guessing that the powers behind the GOP throne are going to do their best to marginalize Steele. Funnel donations to external groups instead of the RNC. Move as much power as possible away from the chairman. Etc. May not work, but it’s really the only good option they have right now.

    dms

  43. 43.

    cleek

    I posted his post-9/11 return monologue

    i actually had tickets to that show, but was too afraid to fly to NYC to use them. gave them to my brother who lives in Brooklyn, and he went instead.

    crap!

  47. 47.

    drunken hausfrau

    OK, those of us across the pond cannot see the Stewart clip yet… hopefully, it will be broadcast tonight on Daily Show here in London — but I hope it is not censored! Sometimes, it is… and, sadly, we ex-pats miss the fun! (Same goes for Colbert — we can’t see the video online, and his show is no longer broadcast over here. No SNL, either.)

    Why do NBC and Comedy Central have to be so anal about their internet video clips? Why can’t we see them over here?

    Also. Too. I luvs the dog in a bukkit. But the Rand nuts don’t deserve such a cute “Galt” mascot.

  48. 48.

    demo woman

    Next time some one needs extensive tests offer them $1000 walmart gift card.. Just tell the radiologist or whoever to come to Balloon Juice to collect the gift card.

  49. 49.

    Randy P

    @Crashman: At current exchange rates, 1 chicken = 0.8274 ducks = 2.5037 pigeons. But watch out for airport currency exchanges. I got only 2.1728 pigeons per chicken last time I traveled.

  50. 50.

    Da Bomb

    That was no doubt one of my favorite Jon Stewart skits. I still think that the Glenn Beck take down was spectacular.

    I was I could go galt and sit in a bucket. How many chickens would it take to purchase a galt bucket?

  58. 58.

    stuckinred

    @jeffreyw: There was a show on TLC last night where a dude was trying to catch a

    ‘killer catfish’ and hooked a 200lb fresh water turtle.The neck on that puppy was half its body length!

  59. 59.

    Randy P

    @dmsilev: I honestly think Lowden really did mean “bargain” originally, but decided that the “barter” thing was cute and decided to go with the joke and spin it into a campaign line. My theory is she thought it would make her memorable in a GOOD way. Oops.

  63. 63.

    ellaesther

    Also and not for nothing, but:

    Dear Ms. Lowden:

    My grandparents did not, contrary to your reading of American history, own chickens, and thus did not trade them for health care. And, also, too: HEALTH CARE WAS VERY SUCKY WHEN THE GRANDPARENTS OF TODAY’S MIDDLE-AGED SENATE CANDIDATES WERE YOUNG. I do not aspire to return to those times. Ever.

    Hugs and kisses and worst of luck to you,
    ee

  64. 64.

    jeffreyw

    @Rosalita: Ya know, I’ve been thinkin on that this morning. And now my head hurts. Maybe I could pull a Brownie and ask you if you have any good ideas I could look into?

  69. 69.

    homerhk

    @drunken hausfrau – this episode was broadcast last night in the UK – I watched it – it was hysterical if censored – but actually the multiple bleeping had its own humour. you can download the latest episode from itunes (but you have to pay for it…).

    JS has definite flashes of genius – and you most definitely wouldn’t want to get him mad….

  72. 72.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @jeffreyw: At the risk of plagiarizing myself:

    The worst is when people pay in rubber chickens, because those always bounce.

  76. 76.

    R-Jud

    @drunken hausfrau:

    OK, those of us across the pond cannot see the Stewart clip yet… hopefully, it will be broadcast tonight on Daily Show here in London—but I hope it is not censored! Sometimes, it is… and, sadly, we ex-pats miss the fun!

    Gawker.TV often has UK-watchable clips of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

  77. 77.

    Rosalita

    @jeffreyw:

    Tagliatelle?

    There is a restaurant locally that serves tagliatelle made fresh with a duck ragout that I LOVE — but that brings us back the the fowl subject of chicken again, doesn’t it?

  78. 78.

    Redshirt

    South Park was hilarious, but I am disturbed by this self-censorship. It’s so hypocritical and silly on so many levels. I loved how they could – and did, repeatedly – show the Buddha doing all sorts of terrible things. But that’s fine! You can do that.

    Mohammed, on the other hand: Oh noes!

  81. 81.

    chopper

    @Randy P:

    fort knox is now a CAFO full of chickens! and i’m imagining auric goldfinger standing outside with a vial of H5N1. oh noes!

    man, the scripts just write themselves.

  82. 82.

    Citizen_X

    i’m imagining auric goldfinger standing outside with a vial of H5N1.

    Ahem. That’s Avic Chickenfinger to you.

    ETA: Now you’ve done it. I’ve got Shirley Bassey in my head, belting out, “Chicken…FIN…GAAAAHHHH!”

  84. 84.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @drunken hausfrau: That’s strange, can you not see Daily Show clips at their Web site either?

    The one above doesn’t work for me and lots of US content doesn’t, but if I go directly to thedailyshow.com their clips come through loud and clear.

    Might be different where you are.

  85. 85.

    Clutch414

    Is there any possible way that we can get “We are all Geth” added to the rotating subtitle thingy since Legion was fired as the Geico voice-over guy? I think it shows solidarity against the teabaggers.

  86. 86.

    Lee

    @geg6

    I read that as well. My first thought was of when I worked at a couple of small start-ups in the late 90’s.

    The worker bees almost always knew when the ship was sinking and came to grips with it much sooner than the executives.

    The same thing would occur at those companies. We would rack up expenses knowing full well what the future held (typically training was the favorite).

    I wonder if the worker bees of the RNC are seeing the writing on the wall and realize they better get while the getting is good.

  87. 87.

    Allan

    The US Chamber of Commerce has a new web ad campaign opposing Wall St reform. Shocking, I know.

    The funny part is, it’s been running for days now but their landing page is hosed.

    (When I see RW propaganda ads on my favorite sites, I like to click through on them and sign up people like Seymour Butts and Ima Fascist on their petitions and mailing lists.)

    The CoC site has a broken link under “take action” so it fails to connect you to the application that looks up your congressman and sends him a form letter.

    So all the click-throughs they’re getting for their ad are failing to generate any actual messages to Congress.

    This must be another one of those conservative things where they spend money gratuitously and to no particular effect in order to piss off liberals?

  88. 88.

    drunken hausfrau

    Thanks, R-Jud — Gawker clips work! Unfortunately, Bill E Pilgrim, when I go to Comedy Central or NBC, the clips do not work… Comedy Central used to work, but no more.

    Also, I hate Hulu. Too.

    Guess I’ll be buying some iTunes! Part of the Apple conspiracy to take over the world…

  90. 90.

    asiangrrlMN

    Every time I see someone post this video, I have to watch. He’s brilliant. Kobe beef would be the thousand dollar bill, yo.

    I am now listening to Stewart’s return monologue (hadn’t heard it yet). Sobering. God he was so young.

    P.S. I love the post title, Cole. That’s my fave ep of Buffy, ever.

  91. 91.

    Bob L

    Using a black spiritual choirs to go tell a conservative to go f**k himself,… perfect LOL

  94. 94.

    Redshirt

    I think Comedy Central is really censoring that episode – no streaming, no repeats, it’s gone. Pulled.

    Pretty dramatic, if true.

  96. 96.

    Pooh

    @dmsilev:

    This comment on that youtube is full of win:

    Somebody should drop off a pickup load of chickens at her campaign headquarters with a note explaining that she just got a massive campaign contribution! :D

  98. 98.

    Annamal

    Drunken housefrau, if you search Boingboing for instructions on viewing the daily show from other countries you might find that with a few settings changes you can view it on their website….

  100. 100.

    Anne Laurie

    @ellaesther:

    My grandparents did not, contrary to your reading of American history, own chickens, and thus did not trade them for health care. And, also, too: HEALTH CARE WAS VERY SUCKY WHEN THE GRANDPARENTS OF TODAY’S MIDDLE-AGED SENATE CANDIDATES WERE YOUNG. I do not aspire to return to those times. Ever.

    Ah, the ‘glory days’ of the great Yiddish proverb:

    When a poor man eats a chicken, one of them is sick.

    Srsly, thanks for pointing out the obvious. Trading chickens for (emergency, sub-par) medical care was a trope from the Great Depression, and the fact that Repubs want us to return to those Not-So-Good Old Days should be a warning to us and a shonda on them (if only they were capable of feeling shame).

  101. 101.

    Steeplejack

    I think the caption on that dog-in-the-bucket picture should be simplified to “Goin’ Galt!” That says it all.

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