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You are here: Home / Signs Point to Yes!

Signs Point to Yes!

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I’ve read this a couple times and I can’t tell if it is spoof or not, but here is the actual headline of a story at Christwire attempting to explain away the Rekers scandal:

You read it and tell me if it just a really bad attempt at excusing this away, or really good spoof. Obligatory link to the Onion’s classic “Why do all these homosexual people keep sucking my cock?”

Reader Interactions

71Comments

  1. 1.

    The Moar You Know

    The entire Christwire site is spoof, and well-done spoof at that. I laugh every time I go there, particularly at the commenters who haven’t figured it out – no one does poutrage like a liberal.

  2. 2.

    MattF

    Every time you think you’ve come up with all the keywords you need to cover winger craziness, they bust open a new one. “Is it satire?”

  3. 3.

    Asshole

    You travel to Spain with the baggage carriers you have, not the baggage carriers you wish you had.

  5. 5.

    ppcli

    Obviously a spoof. Among other things – advertising as a positive his imputed opposition to native american adoptions.

  6. 6.

    Ned R.

    Considering some of the other headlines there…

    # Another Female Teacher Attacks Male Teenage Student With Sex
    # Vajazzling, The Newest Threat To Your College Son
    # NAZI Justin Bieber Recruits Outside Hot Topic Store
    # Olivia Munn Ad Reveals Penis

  7. 7.

    Yutsano

    That is some serious first-class spoofery right there. The worst argument you can make is to present all the evidence to the contrary then only make this argument in return:

    The gentle, older man and the skinny, longhaired 20-year old boy have since made a pact to stay tight-lipped about their private getaway, but shouldn’t the good doctor’s incredible reputation speak for itself?

    How to put this in a word…NO.

  9. 9.

    David

    I’ll never forget when the Mark Foley scandal occurred, one of the Wingnut blogs argued that the underage boys were merely “adults from the future.”

  10. 10.

    Derek

    The entire Christwire site is spoof, and well-done spoof at that. I laugh every time I go there, particularly at the commenters who haven’t figured it out – no one does poutrage like a liberal.

    I had a feeling this was true after looking at the other articles linked to the right of the content. Damn well-done, though, you almost can’t tell.

    What’s that rule/law that when talking about conservatives, it’s impossible to tell if something is satire or not? It’s escaping me right now.

  12. 12.

    fucen tarmal

    the adjectives were too funny, no way some hardened righty closet case writes that by way of explanation, personal diary maybe, but not for print.

  14. 14.

    Cameron

    That Onion bit always makes me think of the scene from Brain Candy with Wally and the therapist:

    Wally: Doctor, why do those types
    [motions with hands]
    Wally: keep thinking that I’m one of them?
    Psychiatrist: Well, Wally, because you are one of them. You are gay. You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you’re gay. I know it. Your family knows it. DOGS know it! Everyone seems to know it except you.

  15. 15.

    Derek

    @Yutsano:

    That’s it, thanks.

    Seconding that the obvious “this is a spoof” moment was the Native American adoption joke.

  16. 16.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    If You’re One of America’s Greatest Anti-Gay Crusaders, Does a Little Trip to Spain With a Rent Boy Really Make You Gay?

    I don’t know, but looking at those photos, if you’re a gay rent boy, having sex with George Recker could make you straight.

    Or since it doesn’t work that way, perhaps asexual, or psychosomatically-neutered, from emotional trauma.

    I wonder if his hairpiece leaves cheesecloth burns. Yikes.

  17. 17.

    Joe Bauers

    “You know how I know you’re gay? Because you have sex with men.”

  18. 18.

    Yutsano

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Considering what Julien does for a living, Reckers was probably one of his easier clients. Plus the exact sex described was pretty tame by Larry Craig standards.

  19. 19.

    Jules

    hahahahahaha
    The comments are great:
    “God bless this Christian Soldier, Dr.Rekers.
    He took a ten day vacation with this dangerous sodomite to warn him of his heathen actions. I can only imagine how difficult it was those first couple of days when Rekers was still wrestling Satan from this infected youth. But once he sucked all the evil out of this lad, Geo is now free to return to a life of Christ’s love. No longer will Geo be tempted by suculent man-parts or lies of the holocaust.

    Praise Dr. Rekers for pumping this former-homogay full of Christ’s love!”

    and yeah, spoof site.

  21. 21.

    Brachiator

    You read it and tell me if it just a really bad attempt at excusing this away, or really good spoof

    It’s great spoof. But when Catholic bishops announce that teens can burst out with the spontaneous gay, we are rapidly approaching the point where spoofery and reality will collide like matter and anti-matter coming together.

    A Brazilian archbishop said adolescents are “spontaneously homosexual” and in need of guidance, while society at large is pedophile, according to a Wednesday report.

    And so, this stuff out-onions the Onion, because you have an archbishop essentially saying that you must discriminate against gays in order to prevent priests from being seduced into become child rapers.

    “When sexuality is trivialized, it’s clear that this is going to affect all cases. Homosexuality is such a case. Before, the homosexual wasn’t spoken of. He was discriminated against.
    …
    “When we begin to say they have rights, rights to demonstrate publicly, pretty soon, we’ll find the rights of pedophiles,” [Archbishop Dadeus Grings ] said.

    And of course, to make sure that he has all his bases covered, previously, the archbishop went Full Godwin:

    Last year, he outraged Jewish groups in Brazil by telling a magazine that “more Catholics than Jews died in the Holocaust, but this isn’t known because the Jews control the world’s media.”

  23. 23.

    Persia

    Good to know someone’s taking Jon Swift’s mantle. Man, he would’ve loved this.

  24. 24.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    I had a friend that used to suck a cock periodically to make sure he still didn’t like it and hadn’t turned gay. Hell, I tried homosexuality once but I quit when it was my turn.

  30. 30.

    Elizabelle

    Addition to Spoof or serious news category.

    NYTimes profiles Joe Scarborough and Mika B.

    As they sat beside one another in directors’ chairs — Mika in a black evening gown with a plunging neckline; Joe in a dinner jacket (sans tie), both of them wearing dark sunglasses — they exuded the reckless, easy glamour of old-style Hollywood stars: Rock Hudson and Doris Day (but Doris Day with a tan and killer abs).

    ….

    It was hard, for a moment, to remember that these cinematic presences were established journalists and political wonks who spend three hours every morning debating the news of the day with an Elysium of commentators. …

    Coffee still in your mouth?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/09/fashion/09JoeMika.html?8dpc=&pagewanted=all

    This from the Grey Lady, after a recent wet sloppy kiss to Mike Allen of Politico, DC’s morning king of the world.

  31. 31.

    Bill H

    I can’t believe that no one has suggested he took that young man to Spain to teach him how to be straight.

  32. 32.

    GregB

    How is Reker going to know if sodomy and gayness are evil unless he walks a mile in someone elses assless chaps?

  33. 33.

    Svensker

    @Elizabelle:

    they exuded the reckless, easy glamour of old-style Hollywood stars: Rock Hudson and Doris Day (but Doris Day with a tan and killer abs)

    So the NYT is saying Joe Scarborough is gay?

    Also, too, Doris Day HAD killer abs.

    Gaaaaahhhhhhh.

  36. 36.

    TuiMel

    @ppcli:
    Uh huh.

    Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children’s Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!

    I was not too deep in before deciding spoof and the above description of the author pretty much sealed the deal.

  38. 38.

    AlG

    @The Moar You Know:

    The entire Christwire site is spoof, and well-done spoof at that. I laugh every time I go there, particularly at the commenters who haven’t figured it out – no one does poutrage like a liberal.

    Yup. Reminds me of the old adequacy.org – they sucked a lot of people in on their comment boards too. I’m sure those guys are sitting there replying to gullible comments and laughing their asses off.

  39. 39.

    Xenos

    I vote for spoof. Further evidence:

    Justin Bieber is trying to start another Arian Race effect on the world of today!

    Even American fundamentalists are not stupid enough to confuse Hitler with Arius of Alexander.

    Now if Beiber really was an anti-Nicean Christian who rejected the orthodox understanding of the trinity… that would be pretty interesting. As a revival of the most pwerful heretical movement in Christianities history it would freak the fundies right out. Maybe he really is a Vandal, not just a musical one.

  40. 40.

    JGabriel

    @LuciaMia:

    So why is Reker’s against Native American adoption?

    Miami Herald via BoxTurtleBulletin:

    [Rekers] said he would also consider banning Native Americans from adopting because research shows that they are also at much higher risk of mental illness and substance abuse.

    So, basically, racism. If it weren’t racism, he’d just want screening for substance abuse and mental illness.

    .

  41. 41.

    Liberty60

    I agree, well done spoof- my favorite comment from “Merican”:

    God bless this Christian Soldier, Dr.Rekers.
    He took a ten day vacation with this dangerous sodomite to warn him of his heathen actions. I can only imagine how difficult it was those first couple of days when Rekers was still wrestling Satan from this infected youth. But once he sucked all the evil out of this lad, Geo is now free to return to a life of Christ’s love. No longer will Geo be tempted by suculent man-parts or lies of the holocaust. Praise Dr. Rekers for pumping this former-homogay full of Christ’s love!

    Full of win.

  42. 42.

    Elizabelle

    @Svensker:

    One might call Joe S “Rock Hudson”, but don’t call Mika a Stepford wife.

    The NYTimes goes there.

    When you first turn on “Morning Joe,” for a moment you might think you’re still in the Stepford-ized zone of network breakfast television. Mika is so striking, poised and accommodating; Joe is so alpha. It’s easy to be misled.

    Even though, a few paragraphs down:

    It’s Mika’s prerogative to push back, but she doesn’t always exercise that muscle. Like a diplomatic wife, her instinct is to let him and the other obstreperous guests hold forth, when they are so inclined, and to reprove gently, if at all possible.

    Joe and Rachel Maddow in the morning would be a much better quality show, and she’d make a better qualified foil.

  43. 43.

    Svensker

    @Elizabelle:

    It’s Mika’s prerogative to push back, but she doesn’t always exercise that muscle. Like a diplomatic wife, her instinct is to let him and the other obstreperous guests hold forth, when they are so inclined, and to reprove gently, if at all possible.

    Is anyone else reading this as repressed eroticism? No? ***slinks away***

  46. 46.

    Elizabelle

    @Svensker:

    Oh yes. They go at that dynamic too.

    Nora Ephron:

    “For me it’s not so much about the politics,” she admits. “I tend to watch almost anything like this in terms of: is this romantic comedy? And it is.”

    Another Ephron quote:

    “I think that many, many of the people who watch it are well along in the fantasy of … ‘I could be on that show,’ — a guest or a regular,” Ms. Ephron said.

    Funny. I think that too. Although never about PBS Newshour. Or Fareed Zakaria. Wonder why that is …

    Am thinking this story is part parody, right? I mean it’s got to be? Don’t it?

  47. 47.

    Joey Maloney

    @Elizabelle: Coffee still in your mouth?

    No, I believe that’s vomit.

    Remind me, which of Rock Hudson’s personal assistants died of a mysterious head injury in his private office at a time during which his whereabouts could not be definitively established?

  48. 48.

    licensed to kill time

    __

    It’s Mika’s prerogative to push back, but she doesn’t always exercise that muscle. Like a diplomatic wife…

    Mika always gives off more of a battered wife vibe to me. She acts like she’s scared of Joe. Not that I watch that trainwreck of a show anymore. I cannot stand that smug, smarmy, fleececlad ignorant and proud of it little turd of a scar, bro!

    All those guys (Hannity, Rush, O’Reilly etc) have that same smug bully vibe. Blechh.

    “Am thinking this story is part parody, right? I mean it’s got to be? Don’t it? ”

    I was thinking the same thing while reading it, hmm. (can’t format properly in edit)

  49. 49.

    Derek

    Ah, all these nice links to late 90s Onion content. In a way, I prefer that to the modern stuff: nowadays the world is so fucked up I can’t tell if The Onion is satire.

  50. 50.

    bago

    With the “magic 8ball” reference, I think we’re going to need at least 3 more rent boys to be sure.

  51. 51.

    licensed to kill time

    I have to add that while I was reading that article, we had a 5.0 earthquake here (SD/Baja) that shook my whole house. I thought at first it was a reaction to the drivel, but USGS tells me different!

    Mother Earth does not approve of Mika and the Scar, it seems.

  52. 52.

    Elizabelle

    NYTimes author went with all sorts of familial references, but never hit “battered spouse”, which seems most adept.

  53. 53.

    Elizabelle

    Aha.

    DougJ is running with this on “Pillow Talk” thread. Go for it.

  55. 55.

    nutellaontoast

    I think this is sort of a perverted version of no true scotsman, where having sex with men no longer defines being gay. A true scotsman can apparently be born in Australia, now.

  56. 56.

    gil mann

    From Christwire comments, the meme of tomorrow, today:

    “hate the sin, fuck the sinner”

  58. 58.

    James Hare

    Just a little tip: PNG compression is far better for preserving text readability. JPEG is particularly bad for text. In Windows Vista/7 you can save screenshots as PNG and it is the default format for Mac OS X. Since a far better compression method is available, it would be nice if the tech-savvy bloggers started using it. I know John asks a bunch of questions about tech, but most of them show he knows enough to do things like this right.

  59. 59.

    Rick Taylor

    Definitely spoof.
    __

    One of the most disgusting and biased stories ever printed in the liberal media hit the presses this week.

    __
    It’s liberals not conservatives that make sarcastic references to the “liberal media.” A true conservative would make a similar jibe, but phrase it a little differently.
    __

    The gentle, older man and the skinny, longhaired 20-year old boy have since made a pact to stay tight-lipped about their private getaway, but shouldn’t the good doctor’s incredible reputation speak for itself?

    __
    Definitely spoof.

  61. 61.

    Derek

    Haha–hilarious! You can either “condemn” or “praise” comments on the site, rather than just regular ol’ thumbs up or thumbs down.

    Amazing how many idiots they manage to snare in the comments, too.

  62. 62.

    Yutsano

    @Derek: I wonder if our leaking the secret is gonna spoil the big joke. I hope not, cause this is classic.

  63. 63.

    chrome agnomen

    @Elizabelle:
    the coffee’s still in my mouth, but i’m left wondering just what’s in liesl schillinger’s mouth

  66. 66.

    Linda Featheringill

    Several years after Janis Joplin died, her sister was reported to have said that Janis was not bisexual, even though she had sexual relations with both males and females.

    I remember that at the time I thought the sister was sincere although I did wonder what her definition of “bisexual” was.

    Regarding Janis, she probably didn’t want to miss out on anything.

  67. 67.

    Linda Featheringill

    @Svensker: repressed eroticism:

    The article itself seems to have a lot of unresolved sexual tension in the descriptions of the relationships on the show.

    I think the writer has fallen into lust at least but I am not sure which of hosts he desires.

    No need to slink away. Or, take me with you.

  68. 68.

    Blowriley

    Rekers said that he didn’t know that “Lucien” was a gay prostitute at first but he probably figured it out when he found that his d!ck tasted like sh!t.

  69. 69.

    Polar Bear Squares

    Lmao!

    I’ve heard if you’re on top it doesn’t count ….. in prison.

  71. 71.

    LP Steve

    I’m surprised you haven’t pulled this post. The fact that you even suspected this might be for real calls your judgment into some serious question.

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