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You are here: Home / Californication

Californication

by $8 blue check mistermix|  May 20, 20107:52 am| 79 Comments

This post is in: Good News For Conservatives

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Despite spending millions of dollars, Carly Fiorina is within the margin of error against her underfunded rival in the race to lose to Barbara Boxer this Fall. If Carly does squeak out a win, Boxer can just run this on a loop for the next couple of months:

Meg Whitman’s trendlines are also looking awful.

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Reader Interactions

79Comments

  1. 1.

    TR

    May 20, 2010 at 7:55 am

    Carly Fiorina is running her campaign with all the skill and finesse that she brought to Hewlett Packard.

  2. 2.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    May 20, 2010 at 8:00 am

    I blame the Demon Sheep.

  3. 3.

    MikeBoyScout

    May 20, 2010 at 8:10 am

    Former half-term governor Sarah Mooselini Palin is our 21st century Beat politician.
    She riffs on in spontaneous prose in ludicrously syncopated rhythm giving voice to the cool burning thoughts of real Americans.

    I designate this piece of tack-tick, drop-drip, dug-dig endorsement poetry as ….. Deep Blue Scowl.

  4. 4.

    Redhand

    May 20, 2010 at 8:13 am

    Since I can’t stand the sight of Palin, it’s been some time since I took the plunge to actually listen to her. She really is incapable of uttering a single coherent sentence: Gawd, what does it say about our society that this idiot is so prominent?

  5. 5.

    bago

    May 20, 2010 at 8:13 am

    @TR: Well, at least she doesn’t have a golden parachute.

  6. 6.

    Cat Lady

    May 20, 2010 at 8:21 am

    OMFG. I made it 30 seconds in, and now I have a twitch. She’s on something, cuz no one can be that dumb and think they can pull off a speech that will get that much attention. Her hair is awful now, also too.

  7. 7.

    debit

    May 20, 2010 at 8:24 am

    @MikeBoyScout:

    Former half-term governor Sarah Mooselini Palin is our 21st century Beat politician.
    She riffs on in spontaneous prose in ludicrously syncopated rhythm giving voice to the cool burning thoughts of real Americans.

    How can anyone pay to listen to her speak? After 30 seconds I can’t even hear the words, and instead fixate on her weird pauses and sudden outbursts. It’s like the adult voice in Charlie Brown cartoons, but in a screech.

  8. 8.

    vtr

    May 20, 2010 at 8:25 am

    Now, students, please be so bold as to diagram that sentence. Then, please tell me what, if anything, she said.

  9. 9.

    dmsilev

    May 20, 2010 at 8:36 am

    @MikeBoyScout: Have you heard William Shatner’s renditions of her resignation speech and a couple of other things? Beat poetry at its best.

    dms

  10. 10.

    Funkhauser

    May 20, 2010 at 8:36 am

    Last time I checked, Carly was doing extremely poorly against Tom Campbell, a formerly sane politician. If she’s within the margin of error, that’s an improvement.

  11. 11.

    MattF

    May 20, 2010 at 8:43 am

    I predict Someone Else will win the primary.

  12. 12.

    Ned R.

    May 20, 2010 at 8:44 am

    Believe me when I say it’s been VERY entertaining out here watching the GOP candidates waste time, money and energy trying to destroy each other. Jerry Brown in particular is sitting back and laughing himself to sleep each night.

  13. 13.

    kdub

    May 20, 2010 at 8:45 am

    WTF!

    Is that what you would call a Dingbat Dogwhistle? Because that whole snippet made little sense to me.

  14. 14.

    Keith

    May 20, 2010 at 8:47 am

    It’s like watching someone giving a book report for a book she didn’t read.

  15. 15.

    Lane

    May 20, 2010 at 8:51 am

    Ok, just preaching to the elitists; why is pro-life (ad infinitu)?

    The conservatives need to learn the difference between, conservative and reactionary. Really, words means something.

    But maybe that’s because I am an part of the elitist force to keel america.

  16. 16.

    MikeBoyScout

    May 20, 2010 at 8:51 am

    @13 kdub:

    Why should politicians always need to make sense when they speak riff?

    Let us all pause in a moment of silence and, also too, be grateful for the gift this woman has for us given, to stand and be making words with all of us.

  17. 17.

    Pamela F

    May 20, 2010 at 8:54 am

    OMG,

    That is probably the worst endorsement I’ve ever heard.

  18. 18.

    c u n d gulag

    May 20, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Sarah has obviously never heard of a comma.
    I’m not sure she know anything about periods either. The number of children in that family might be used as evidence.

  19. 19.

    Chat Noir

    May 20, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Thanks. For some reason, that gave me a hearty chuckle. And to think people pay money to listen to her.

    I can’t emphasize enough how much I despise that woman. Go away already!

  20. 20.

    Linda Featheringill

    May 20, 2010 at 8:58 am

    @Lane:

    The conservatives need to learn the difference between conservative and reactionary.

    Good observation! A large part of the whole Teaparty group is actually quite reactionary.

    I had forgotten that term but I feel better now that I have the correct name for the phenomenon.

  21. 21.

    Nick

    May 20, 2010 at 9:00 am

    Authentic frontier gibberish.

  22. 22.

    SiubhanDuinne

    May 20, 2010 at 9:01 am

    @c u n d gulag:

    The day is young, of course, but as far as I’m concerned you win the intertoobz.

  23. 23.

    gbear

    May 20, 2010 at 9:01 am

    @Keith:

    It’s like watching someone giving a book report for a book she didn’t read.

    Garrison Keillor called out Norm Coleman for that in a couple of great columns. Keillor’s hatred of Coleman was always a joy to read.

    Norm is glib. I once organized a dinner at the Minnesota Club to celebrate F. Scott Fitzgerald’s birthday and Norm came, at the suggestion of his office, and spoke, at some length and with quite some fervor, about how much Fitzgerald means to all of us in St. Paul, and it was soon clear to anyone who has ever graded 9th grade book reports that the mayor had never read Fitzgerald.

  24. 24.

    dmsilev

    May 20, 2010 at 9:03 am

    It’s like someone took a copy of The Complete Set of Republican Talking Points and tossed it into a blender to make Talking Points Smoothies.

    dms

  25. 25.

    Frank L

    May 20, 2010 at 9:09 am

    Tina Fey is brilliant!!

  26. 26.

    NickM

    May 20, 2010 at 9:09 am

    I
    Among twenty snowy mountains,
    The only moving thing
    Was the eye of the blackbird
    Until Sarah shot it.

    II
    I was of three minds,
    Like a tree
    In which there is Sarah.

    III
    Sarah whirled in the autumn winds.
    It was a small part of the pantomime
    but it paid well.

    IV
    A wingnut and Fox News
    Are one.
    A wingnut and Fox News and Sarah
    are starbursts.

    V
    I do not know which I hate more,
    The annoyance of inflections
    Or the annoyance of innuendoes,
    Sarah talking
    Or just after.

    VI
    Icicles filled the long window
    With barbaric glass.
    The shadow of Sarah
    Crossed it, to and fro.
    The mood
    Traced in the Tea Party, the indecipherable cause.

    VII
    O thin men of Wasilla,
    Why do you imagine golden birds?
    Why not buy golden coins
    With Sarah on the obverse?

    VIII
    I know noble accents
    And lucid, inescapable rhythms;
    but good god, Sarah’s voice
    makes me want to drive nails in my ears.

    IX
    When Sarah flew out of sight,
    She was headed to Seattle, there to transfer planes
    to Anchorage, and drive a couple more hours to Wasilla and bear Trig, at least according to her autobiography.

    X
    At the sight of Sarah
    Sitting in the green room,
    Even the bawds of Commentary
    Would cry out sharply
    “Starbursts”.

    XI
    Gore rode over Connecticut
    In a glass coach.
    He is fat.
    Also, Sarah.

    XII
    The river is moving.
    The blackbird must be flying.
    Sarah must be lying.

    XIII
    It was evening all afternoon.
    It was snowing
    And it was going to snow.
    Sarah sat
    In the wings, waiting.

  27. 27.

    El Cid

    May 20, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Sarah Palin is brilliant and a great leader and she will help take our country back from those what done took it. You libruls are just jealous because a Real American is so purty and got rejected by your secular Marxist Hollywood.

  28. 28.

    Anya

    May 20, 2010 at 9:12 am

    That dingbat is a talking sentence fragment. How can anyone believe this idiot writes anything.

  29. 29.

    SGEW

    May 20, 2010 at 9:17 am

    @NickM:

    Icicles filled the long window
    With barbaric glass.
    The shadow of Sarah
    Crossed it, to and fro.
    The mood
    Traced in the Tea Party,
    The indecipherable cause.

    O thin men of Wasilla,
    Why do you imagine golden birds?
    Why not buy golden coins
    With Sarah on the obverse?

    Oh my lordy lordy, this is brilliant. Stevens ftw.

  30. 30.

    mistermix

    May 20, 2010 at 9:20 am

    @NickM:

    XI
    Gore rode over Connecticut
    In a glass coach.
    He is fat.
    Also, Sarah.

    Is this the Balloon-Juice stanza?

  31. 31.

    Miss Kitka's Comrade Wayne

    May 20, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Jesus Fucking Christ. Who will put me out of my misery?

  32. 32.

    artem1s

    May 20, 2010 at 9:21 am

    I know noble accents
    And lucid, inescapable rhythms;
    but good god, Sarah’s voice
    makes me want to drive nails in my ears.

    brilliant.also.too!

  33. 33.

    DanF

    May 20, 2010 at 9:24 am

    @MikeBoyScout:

    I saw the dimmest minds of my generation destroyed by
    madness, starving hysterical naked,

    suppressing their sexuality or hiking the Appalachian trail at dawn
    looking for an angry fix,

    pin-headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
    connection to the wingnut dynamo in the ATM machinery of night,

    who obscene wealth and hollow-eyed and high sat
    up smoking in the Tea Party darkness of
    cold-water flats floating ignorant punch-bowl turds
    contemplating jazz,

  34. 34.

    gocart mozart

    May 20, 2010 at 9:24 am

    @dmsilev:
    Ha! The only way to listen to Palin is as performed by master thespian and beat poet William Shatner.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgiqSNNuhQg

  35. 35.

    Thunderbird

    May 20, 2010 at 9:26 am

    The half-term governor endorsing the CEO who drove her company into the ground?

    Sounds like a match made in FAIL heaven.

  36. 36.

    John S.

    May 20, 2010 at 9:30 am

    Pull Sarah’s string, and she spouts pre-programmed talking points. Ask her to apply any reasoning to her words, and she’ll stare blankly and blink like a Cupie doll.

  37. 37.

    Fern

    May 20, 2010 at 9:30 am

    @NickM: Now THAT was clever. Also funny.

  38. 38.

    mr. whipple

    May 20, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue
    Palin is an idiot

  39. 39.

    Dork

    May 20, 2010 at 9:37 am

    Meg’s pantylines not looking much better.

  40. 40.

    gocart mozart

    May 20, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Also Twitter beat poetry also.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpbSwSlP4Yc&NR=1

  41. 41.

    flukebucket

    May 20, 2010 at 9:41 am

    @NickM:

    I may have to take the rest of the day off. I just cannot gather myself.

    In 2,000 years somebody is going to stumble across this and declare it Holy.

    Thank you. Thank you so very much forever.

  42. 42.

    Vishnu Schist

    May 20, 2010 at 9:44 am

    @NickM: FTW!

  43. 43.

    DanF

    May 20, 2010 at 9:45 am

    @NickM: You beautiful elitist bastard. Bravo!

  44. 44.

    NickM

    May 20, 2010 at 9:49 am

    @flukebucket: Gosh, thanks!

    Finally, my English degree pays off.

  45. 45.

    Davis X. Machina

    May 20, 2010 at 9:52 am

    @NickM: This is fully in a league with the Poorman’s Poker with Dick Cheney.

    Engrave it onto a gold-plated aluminum disk, and staple it to the side of the next extra-planetary probe, stat

  46. 46.

    Lane

    May 20, 2010 at 9:52 am

    @Linda Featheringill:

    You said: “Good observation! A large part of the whole Teaparty group is actually quite reactionary.

    I had forgotten that term but I feel better now that I have the correct name for the phenomenon.”

    Us libtards need to get this quote out to the world. Webster was an ass; he had a massive agenda, however, Webster and the OED and Random House’s — Unabridged (ok, that may also be elitist) dictionaries are in agreement.

    The conservatives and Tea Party maroons (may they learn some history) need to learn to read. No, they need to learn to understand. Ok, fail point :o

  47. 47.

    El Cid

    May 20, 2010 at 9:58 am

    Sarah Palin in endorsing Republican Tim Burns for PA-12 apparently thought Burns was running against Specter, according to the quote I just heard read out on the Stephanie Miller Show. (I didn’t catch the source.)

  48. 48.

    Bob L

    May 20, 2010 at 10:00 am

    Well Meg is racking them up, first Cheny and now Palin. That pretty much sets her wingnut loon out to destroy California for being a bunch of moonbat loons cred.

  49. 49.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    May 20, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Wow. It’s like a one-player game of “telephone”, and she lost.

  50. 50.

    Tsulagi

    May 20, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Watching the clip wonder if anyone told Teabagger Spice who she was endorsing. Probably not, likely just asked if her appearance check had cleared before taking the stage to toss out a little house salad.

  51. 51.

    Paul in KY

    May 20, 2010 at 10:31 am

    @flukebucket: Instead of ‘A Canticle for Liebowitz’, it will be ‘A Wailin for a Palin’.

    The document in question will be the rider to one of her speaking contracts.

  52. 52.

    Warren Terra

    May 20, 2010 at 11:12 am

    For a month now, most every ad break on broadcast TV in LA has had a vicious attack ad (or occasionally a riposte ad) – from Poizner or Whitman. Fiorina has now started to flood the airwaves, too.

  53. 53.

    James F. Elliott

    May 20, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Oh, man, the Whitman vs. Poizner ads are frigging hilarious. Poizner’s positioning himself so far to the right, he’s got ads playing in the Bay Area media market that tout his support for Arizona’s illegal immigration law. You know, that law that’s largely seen as discriminatory towards brown folks. I don’t know if he’s run the math, but you can’t really take California without L.A. or the Bay Area… San Diego and Redding just aren’t going to cut it!

    Meanwhile, Whitman’s also tacking to the right by attacking Poizner as a liberal (!) by attacking Al Gore and abortion rights. In a socially liberal to moderate state like California that’s trying to position itself as the “green” state, this is just plain stupid.

    The crazy-ass Republican primary is forcing both candidates to swing so far right that they’ll have major problems re-positioning themselves as center-right moderates, which would be the only way to win state-wide office. Unless Jerry Brown is caught on tape paying an underage Vietnamese hooker to fist goats while pleasuring himself, he’s going to be governor.

  54. 54.

    flukebucket

    May 20, 2010 at 11:50 am

    @Paul in KY:

    ‘A Wailin for a Palin’

    Selah

  55. 55.

    Bob L

    May 20, 2010 at 11:58 am

    @James F. Elliott: Brown is going to run? That will be interesting. He’s certainly come a long way from when he was governor moonbeam. What he did as Mayor of Oakland and State AF makes me wonder if that Moonbeam stuff wasn’t BS in the first place.

  56. 56.

    kindness

    May 20, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Yea Meg just ‘loaned’ her campaign another $4M Monday. What, she’s up to sinking $70 M of her own money into her ego crusade now? She won’t talk to journalists if she doesn’t get the questions in advance & have veto over which questions can be asked. She’s another Sarah Palin for god’s sake, with a bit more intelligence. I’m less worried about her since the dirt came out about her being in bed with Goldman Sachs during and after her time at E-bay. I’ll vote for Jerry Brown again and actually be happy about it.

    Carly….well, Carly is a walking train wreck. Tom Cambell would have a shot at taking out Barbara Boxer but Carly couldn’t get herself elected dog catcher so again, I’m cool with that as Barbara Boxer is one of the only actual progressives in the Senate.

  57. 57.

    dadanarchist

    May 20, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Let me tell you why I love both Meg and Carly.

    Because they have both convinced the GOP that they have a chance of beating Boxer and Brown in the fall, and once again the GOP is going to waste millions of dollars – that they don’t have and need to be spent elsewhere – on a windmill tilt.

    If I were Democrats, I’d commission a Rasmussen poll to show the two winning just to bait them into wasting even more money.

  58. 58.

    James F. Elliott

    May 20, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    @Bob L:

    Oh, dude, he’s running. His mere entrance caused San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom to immediately drop out of the governor’s race and run for lieutenant governor. Brown’s campaign is non-existent (no primary opponent) and won’t even need to ever exist. I despise the man, but he can run on “I’m Jerry Brown, baby!” and win.

  59. 59.

    Allison W.

    May 20, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Unless you provide a text, I will not click play on any video of that woman. TMZ caught up with her the other day and I immediately put the tv on mute.

  60. 60.

    bobbo

    May 20, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Sarah Palin, just really loving that dangling gerund clause also.

  61. 61.

    dadanarchist

    May 20, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    @Bob L: What he did as Mayor of Oakland and State AF makes me wonder if that Moonbeam stuff wasn’t BS in the first place.

    It was always bullshit as you can see here and here.

  62. 62.

    dadanarchist

    May 20, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    @James F. Elliott: I despise the man, but he can run on “I’m Jerry Brown, baby!” and win.

    I was too young to really know him in his first incarnation and by the time of his resurrection, I had moved out of California.

    But so far, what I see, me likee:

    “They are so banal,” Democrat Brown told about 200 students and others at a rally at UC Santa Barbara, referring to the millions of dollars that Whitman, the former eBay CEO, and Poizner, the state insurance commissioner, have spent on attack ads in a primary battle that some polls suggest is a dead heat with three weeks until the June 8 election.
    “If you know how to write and think,” Brown said, “look at those ads, and do the exact opposite.” He added: “The apostles of darkness and ignorance are well-heeled, and they have great political consultants.”

    Brown also called for protecting the coast against offshore oil drilling, saying the potential environmental damage was not worth the estimated $100 million in annual revenue that could be reaped.
    He told students he would not sugarcoat the state’s $20 billion budget deficit. “This thing took years to screw up, and I’m not going to unscrew it overnight.”
    Regarding the furloughs of state workers, who enjoy the support of powerful labor unions, Brown said: “I’m not going to give you pie in the sky; there’s no particular money tree here.” But he added that “those with the biggest belts” should tighten them.

  63. 63.

    trollhattan

    May 20, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    @James F. Elliott:

    How those two haven’t lifted Ga-lee-vor-ni-yaa out of the recession all by themselves is a mystery. Between them they’re up to $92 mill-yun, and that’s just their own portion. That each is trying to out-conservative the other makes for great theater, and whichever emerges next month will make quite the contrast with the wily Brown.

    Their latest battleground? Pr0n!

    http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/capitolalertlatest/2010/05/what-spending-x.html

    Funny enough, if I were voting in the Republican primary I don’t know which clown I’d pick. They’re both demented and while Meg seems too reptilian to consider for a nanosecond, Poizner is a whack-a-loon with a Napolean complex (he’s a short fella).

    Yeccccch.

  64. 64.

    Zuzu's Petals

    May 20, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    Talk about not being able to speak without a script.

    Also too you’d think she’d spend some of those zillions of bucks she’s getting to keep that speech coach the RNC hired.

    On the other hand, it’s entertaining to watch her voice reach for the stratosphere.

  65. 65.

    Hawerchuk

    May 20, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Jerry Brown will be an improvement on governor failure, no question. But we need to fix Prop. 13 here. Macy’s took the damned thing to the Supreme Court. Warren Buffett opposes it on fairness grounds. But Jerry doesn’t have the sack to change it. So I can’t be more than lukewarm towards him.

  66. 66.

    Origuy

    May 20, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    I’ve been an HP employee since the Compaq merger. If Carly wins, it’s going to wreck my summer, because I will have to work for Boxer. I always thought Campbell was sane for a Republican; I’m not sure how much of the wingnut sauce he’s pouring out is authentic.

    Brown is going to clean Whitman’s clock (or Poizner’s, if a miracle occurs). He’s going to make 1982 sound like the Golden Age of California and it’s been going downhill since then. (Ignoring Grey Davis, his former chief-of-staff)

  67. 67.

    Bubblegum Tate

    May 20, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    @vtr:

    Now, students, please be so bold as to diagram that sentence.

    The diagram would look like a Tinkertoys explosion.

  68. 68.

    hal

    May 20, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    …race to lose to Barbara Boxer this Fall.

    great line.

  69. 69.

    PonB

    May 20, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    I’m a native Californian, and, to paraphrase The Rock, “What in the blue hell is ‘Deep Blue California’?!?”

    Referencing Topeka, however, I see it’s a phrase from The National Review…’nuff said…

    – PonB

  70. 70.

    handy

    May 20, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Barbara Boxer is one of the only actual progressives in the Senate.

    True that. If this were Feinstein’s turn to re-run I honestly don’t know whether I’d care if she lost or not.

  71. 71.

    Warren Terra

    May 20, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    I despise Brown – there was a great article in The American Prospect last year explaining how he’s no liberal and was indeed a backer of the disastrous Prop 13. But I’ll enjoy seeing him crush the Rs.

  72. 72.

    handy

    May 20, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Unless Jerry Brown is caught on tape paying an underage Vietnamese hooker to fist goats while pleasuring himself

    Wait…are you saying these tapes exist? I mean, I’m not asking because I’d like to see them, you know. It’s just, as a voter, I feel it’s my civic duty to know pertinent information about candidates. You know. To be better informed.

  73. 73.

    Badtux

    May 20, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    This is an outrage. If rich people aren’t allowed to simply buy elected office, we’ll all disappear into a festering black hole of suckitude like those evil Canucks!

    – Badtux the Snarky Penguin

  74. 74.

    Nick B.

    May 20, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    @handy: This could have definitely happened! There are many worse things that were hidden from publicity and actually happened a lot in Vietnam.

  75. 75.

    mak

    May 20, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Never really understood the “Mary Hart Syndrome” Seinfeld episode. Now I feel it.

  76. 76.

    trollhattan

    May 20, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    @Hawerchuk:

    I suspect, regardless of how flawed, Prop 13 by now has the stench of permanance, hewn as it is from holy Jarvis tablets.

    Brown, however, could lead an attack on the two-thirds vote requirement for the legislature to pass a tax increase (but a simple majority for cuts). That’s doable.

  77. 77.

    Patriot 3

    May 20, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    @mak:

    However, if you can position yourself behind her and fiddle with your wedding you may be able to hold off the Mary Hart Syndrome feeling for awhile. It seemed to have worked for this old guy before this video was Scrubbed By Sarah…

    http://www.sirened.com/2008/09/mccain-checks-out-palins-ass-while-fiddling-with-wedding-ring/

  78. 78.

    Amanda

    May 20, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Grew up in Northern Calif and am throughly enjoying watching this train wreck of a GOP primary in advance of the BBox beatdown of sad Gooper in the Fall.

  79. 79.

    Zuzu's Petals

    May 20, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    @trollhattan:

    Yep, but because it would be a constitutional amendment it would have to go on the ballot. I suspect the voters might be more likely to approve an amendment allowing the budget to be passed by a majority vote…my number one choice.

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