Sadly, one mojito turned into two, and then things went south. Fortunately, I lived to tell the tale, and what a sad tale it was- the diviest of dive bars and lots of bad judgment were involved.
I’ve fed Tunch, and I’ve walked Lily, and I hope to FSM they let me sleep in until at least 8 am tomorrow.
MattR
Don’t forget to drink plenty of water (or even better, Gatorade) before bed. And be thankful you did not feed Lily to Tunch.
Yutsano
Wait…are you saying what I think you’re saying? DID YOU GET LAID??
MattR
@Yutsano: Either that or he ended up snorting meth of the toilet seat.
(EDIT: But I have a feeling we are all going to be disappointed when the truth comes out)
Ming
That, or he got in a fight… Either way, I hope your shoulder survived it, Cole!!
Calming Influence
Again, if you wil indulge me: tunch could drink a mojito the size of John Cole and still walk a straight line to the food bowl.
Be that as it may…
Lolis
Hey, I just got back from a bar too.
Joseph Nobles
Jesus – Craig Crawford at CQ has now decreed the BP spill Obama’s Katrina, and it “doesn’t matter whether government could do any better than the oil companies.” As I said there under my regular message board identity, boloboffin, he might as well call it Obama’s Tar Baby, because there is no way that Obama could have won.
Mike S
If you end up hurling at least the kids will have something to eat, so they may let you sleep in.
Win/win.
Yutsano
@MattR: I was thinking that as well. I fully realize this whole post just screams flame bait, but when we weasel the truth out of him it will disappoint us all. However until I hear otherwise I’m going with my JC got nookie story.
@Joseph Nobles: I bet your comment sails right over the heads of most folks and especially the teabaggers. What fun is it to mock someone who just doesn’t get it? Not that that’ll stop me or anything.
robertdsc
Mud shark?
Calming Influence
…it has nothing to do with the logical disconnect we see with libertarian free-marketeers: apparently, the way the free market works is that the market will punish the companies that do bad things, and they will be forced out of business. But doesn’t this imply that free-marketeers would be all up in PB’s shit because they fucked up an entire GULF? Oh hell no. the “free marketeers” are all “Leaaavvvve BPpppppp aaaa-lonnnneeeeee!”
Doesn’t that put a big fucking stake through Any Rand’s shriveled raisin of a black heart?
just askin.
Joseph Nobles
@Yutsano: I am this close to creating a fake identity over at Free Republic and see if I can get them to start calling it that.
Halteclere
I remember quasi-fondly staying up this late because I was out hitting the town. Now I’m up this late only because of work. C’est la vie.
Yutsano
@Joseph Nobles: Or just make a suggestion over at the Republican’s newest technological venture and see if the meme takes hold that way. They are just stupid enough to go down that particular rabbit hole, to mix bunny stories.
asiangrrlMN
Oh, my! Did Cole get lucky? Or in a fight? Or dress up as Carmen Miranda and sing, “Yes, we have no bananas”? Inquiring minds MUST know!
arguingwithsignposts
and yet, here we are.
Joseph Nobles
@Yutsano: LOL, I went over to americafreakingout.com. The joint is already pretty well trashed up. /b/tards do have their uses…
asiangrrlMN
@arguingwithsignposts: Well, I did not go to a bar tonight, so that’s my excuse.
arguingwithsignposts
@asiangrrlMN:
hard night working on the rusty farm implements ™ eh?
erling
What self-respecting dive bar serves mojitos? This story is wrong, wrong, I tell you. I fear the worst.
asiangrrlMN
@arguingwithsignposts: Yep. It’s the perfect weather for seasoning them. Got to get them ready because there seems to be an explosion of asshats lately.
d.s.
I’m betting on “free rape,” Family Research Council-style.
arguingwithsignposts
@asiangrrlMN:
lately? I think it’s a constant flow.
asiangrrlMN
@arguingwithsignposts: Well, yes. But the summer brings out the crazies even more, so I’m expecting an uptick in bizness.
fucen tarmal
meh, one person’s bad judgement is another person’s stuff i would do sober…unless he means others bad judgement…
in my case, bad judgement was questioning the collective wisdom of some allmighty mommy-bloggers, concerning the construction and placement of a playground.
CaliMatt
closing out the “up too late, just home from a dive bar” caucus for the PDT crowd here in SoCal (The Spotlight, if you must know). I’m sure John and most of y’all are sound asleep and good REMs to all of you. It’s been a night for all of us, but kitties are fed and teeth are brushed, a solid 6 hrs of sleep awaits. night.
Brandon
@d.s.: Wow, and someone always has to take it one step too far. I was only going to guess that Obama met Larry Sinclair at the bar and decided to go back to his hotel room for a night cap.
bago
Hump day. Amirite?
R-Jud
And how many wetsuits?
I’m a bit hungover myself. Unfortunately the Tiny Tyrant woke up at 5:15. It’s a good thing she’s cute.
asiangrrlMN
Damn it. I need to go to a bar and do something that involves some bad judgment. Sigh.
@R-Jud: VERY cute.
@Brandon: Glad I wasn’t the only one taken aback. Mebbe they met Eric Massa there?
asiangrrlMN
And since I am the only one left awake, I will drop this here (the other two are funny, too) and turn off the lights. Night, bitchez.
Jenny
It seems like the top kill is likely a success:
Coast Guard Rear Adm. Mary Landry said she was “very encouraged” but added, “I do not want to express optimism until I know for sure” that the leak has stopped.
The plume of mud is “a good sign,” suggesting that the fluid is exerting enough pressure to stem the flow of crude and natural gas, said Don Van Nieuwenhuise, a professor of petroleum geosciences at the University of Houston. “If the pressure wasn’t great enough it would be mud and oil.”
Jenny
@Joseph Nobles:
The media is brain dead.
Between 1,000 to 2,000 people lost their lives in Katrina. Losing 11 people when oil rig blew up is terrible, but it’s not 2000.
I appreciate this kills the fishing industry, but that pales in comparison to an entire city being flooded. It would be like derivative traders comparing a bear market to the destruction in lower Manhattan that occurred on 9/11.
And the media reaction is odd. They didn’t say shit when Katrina actually happen. For instance, where was james carville during katrina — no where to be found. Didn’t he care about the region then?
geg6
Well, today is the start of my holiday weekend and I was feeling good about it. Until I got here and saw that even Cole got a more exciting kickoff to his weekend than I did. Crap. Guess I gotta make up for it now.
Randy P
So why the self-recriminations? Did we sober up and find ourselves in bed with:
a. someone not of our preferred gender?
b. someone not of our preferred species?
c. a Teabagger? Using any meaning of that term?
d. our 4th grade teacher?
Rosalita
aw jeez, the last time I drank more than one mojito, I had a hangover before I even to bed… rum is not my friend
SiubhanDuinne
WH just announced that Obama is extending the deepwater drilling moratorium for 6 months.
Rosalita
@arguingwithsignposts:
@asiangrrlMN:
do either of you sleep?
Can’t wait to hear about the ‘bad judgement’ providing JC spills it
Teri
just explaining to my 15 year old that short term gain does not out weigh long term damage…..on the other hand a mojito does a body good! (All that Vitamen C)
kay
@Jenny:
I’m pleased with how everyone who has an actual role did their job, so I’m okay with the response. I think the “Obama’s Katrina” thing has probably taken hold, though, despite the reality of the response.
I think his media team blew the whole thing, and they absolutely suck, but I’ve been convinced of that since health care reform. Defensive, knee-jerk hostile, aggressive in all the unimportant places, and completely passive when it matters, on the substance of what his administration is actually accomplishing. They fight the wrong battles.
If he wants to start getting credit for his work, he should get rid of his that crew. The Coast Guard and the EPA did fine.
geg6
If you all need something to occupy yourselves until Cole wakes up with his hangover and we can all start mocking him, I can recommend some reading in the Grey Lady. For outrage, try Nick Kristoff’s column on the Arizona nun who was just excommunicated for saving a life. For laughs, try Gail Collins on CT senate candidate Linda McMahon.
Joey Maloney
@MattR:
I saw one of the musicians come in. “What’s the trouble,” he said.
“Well,” I said. “All this white stuff on my sleeve is LSD.” He said nothing: Merely grabbed my arm and began sucking on it.
— Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
@Randy P:
e) one of our fourth-grade teacher’s pupils? Past or present?
4tehlulz
PICS OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN
kommrade reproductive vigor
Man, I hope after busting up your shoulder you didn’t have to chew your arm off.
So to the fReichtards this must mean:
1. The people who’ll be affected by the ooze should have had the good sense to find jobs that wouldn’t be affected the minute the rig blew.
2. Anyone who asks for or accepts federal assistance is a dirty deadbeat welfare queen.
3. Obama should have sat around playing guitar and eating cake for a few days before sending someone to find out what all the fuss was about.
Randy P
@Rosalita:
It’s a common experience for me to check in upon waking and find threads that were filled at 3-4 am. I’ve concluded that the regulars do not actually sleep, or have perfected the art of posting while sleeping. Or sleeping while posting.
Change of topic: Rented “Avatar”, watched it with the wife last night (till 1:30 am). As usual, the trailers/word-of-mouth were not a close match to the movie. I was expecting “Ferngully” with better specials. While it was obviously in the “Ferngully” genre, what I said to my wife about halfway through was “This is damned good science-fiction. Not like that Star Wars crap.” But James Cameron has quite a track record of top-notch sci-fi by now, doesn’t he? “The Abyss” is definitely in my top-5 sci-fi movie list (because of the characters on the rig and the Navy Seals, and most of all because of the relationship of Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrontanio.The aliens are standard fare.)
The bad guy played by Giovanni Ribisi. I looked at his credits trying to figure out why I know him. It’s got to be the X-Files credit. Anybody know who he was? Was he the kid who bonded with insects? And what did he do in NYPD Blue?
Dimmic Rat
Avatar was shit. Crysis had better FX in 2007. Not to mention the copypasta of Dances With Wolves excuse for a plot.
Michael
@Calming Influence:
“If it weren’t for the expense of taxes and the burden of costs due to regulatory compliance, decisionmakers at BP wouldn’t have felt so much of the cost pressure that led them to cut corners and engage in cost-saving measures that, unfortunately for them, did not work out in an optimum fashion. In a more business friendly regulatory and tax environment, decisionmakers have greater latitude to take correct action. Therefore, we call for an elimination of corporate and estate taxes, an end to the capital gains tax, and an end to all regulations.”
/Reason mode
Michael
@kommrade reproductive vigor:
Rugged, bootstrapping individualists would do that. Obviously, commercial fishermen are pussies who don’t like to work – thereby passing their unreasonable demands off onto the rest of us.
WereBear
I made a mental bet with myself; how soon would someone show up to defend the church’s decision? I lost: it was Comment #2.
I feel for people who are bereft at this kind of continuing news: it’s like finding out your beloved grandmother, who always treated you well, was also a crazed racist who did horrible things to the household servants back when. I know you have those treasured paper doll memories and how sanctified you felt in your first Communion getup.
But all hope was crushed when Vatican II got rolled back. Face it. You can either find a different path to God which doesn’t make you sick to your stomach, or start the New Catholicism I keep hearing about and never seeing.
Yes, the crazy old men in Rome own the brand and have all the money. But people start new religions all the time, and there’s money there; you can keep the tithe. Here’s a whacky thought; it can go to feeding the poor! Regardless of whether they are gay or not!
Jenny
Sounds like last nite was Cole’s Katrina.
TR
Mojitos? Did you go see the new “Sex and the City” movie too?
Michael
@TR:
I’m guessing he got a bikini wax.
SGEW
@Yutsano:
Well, it wouldn’t be a “sad tale” then, would it?
Michael
@SGEW:
That just reminded me of an episode during a college summer when I was 21. The tobacco-chawing dumbass from 3 doors down was wanting to go to the new local nightclub, because (and this was how he put it):
We then asked him if he was getting lucky or at least phone numbers to call for possible future dates – he was puzzled, because that didn’t dawn on him.
bemused
Dive bars & bad judgements….way to tease & distract the kiddies here into excessive, disorderly curiosity & wild speculations. Should be entertaining.
geg6
@WereBear:
Yeah, the Church really is as insane as I intuited as a child growing up in it. And I really am losing respect and patience for its apologists. It is hopelessly corrupt and filled with self-loathing child molesters and their apologists completely united in their hatred of women. And I can only conclude that their hatred of women and gays is based on their jealousy of both groups. Their Marie Antoinette sense of fashion, their ability to put on an extravagantly theatrical show, and their neurotic and pathological daddy/god and mother/virgin issues are just the most obvious of their projections.
And I apologize if this seems offensive, but the American cafeteria Catholics who decry the Church’s behavior but excuse it as “not really the Church” but who still attend mass and donate to its coffers are either cowards or liars. I say that if their so-called outrage at the Church is real, there are historical examples of what believers with sincere convictions do in the face of the endlessly corrupt Vatican. That they don’t do what braver people over centuries have found the courage to do in the name of their religious convictions tells me all I need to know about my former co-religionists.
SiubhanDuinne
I’m in SC for a conference, and the air on teevee is thick with political ads, every one of them running against Obama and Obamacare and the sociaIism that’s ruining our great country and gutting traditional values. ALL of them. It’s pretty discouraging.
But the tag line for Andre Bauer’s commercial (he’s LG running for the Top Job) made me laugh: “Andre Bauer was a Tea Partier before there *was* a Tea Party.”
asiangrrlMN
@Randy P: Ribisi is the guy who looks like the average guy who’s just a bit tweaked in the head. He’s really a great character actor. I haven’t seen any of the things you listed, but I really enjoy his work.
@Rosalita: Yes, I do. At really odd hours. Right now, I am waiting for a car from the mechanic for an estimate on a bad muffler, so I cannot sleep. I may make it up to twenty-four hours awake.
Cole! SPILL the details! Or at least post a pic of Tunchie.
@SiubhanDuinne: So, he was a complete idiot before it was fashionable to be a complete idiot?
Rosalita
@Randy P:
He started on ‘My Two Dad’s’. Don’t mock, he was actually hystically funny… I’ve been a fan ever since. And I saw him live at LAX once. Made my day.
Rosalita
@Michael:
Better yet, a Brazilian?
SiubhanDuinne
@asiangrrlMN: Yes! That was *exactly* my reaction!
asiangrrlMN
@SiubhanDuinne: I have less than no use for the teabaggers. Seriously. Although, as I posted before, it made me chortled to read in the local news that my little town had OVER FIFTY PEOPLE attend the local tea party. Heh.
@Rosalita: Ouch. Just…ouch.
Alex
In the diviest of dive bars in my town, a request for a mojito is met with either a blank stare or a finger pointing towards the door.
Jus’ sayin’
AnneW
@Calming Influence:
No. SATSQ.
Ed Marshall
@Alex:
I used to bartend lunch in a tavern in a little town in southern Illinois. Someone came in and asked for some cocktail, it might have been a Sweet Rob Roy. I went and asked the owner if he knew how to make one and he looked at me and said “who asked for that! I pointed the guy out and the owner opened up a can of Old Style and said “Here is your Sweet Rob Roy!”.
Cassidy
Ribisi is a regular character on My Name is Earl. He was also in Gone in 60 Seconds. He is an amazing character actor.
Phyllis
@SiubhanDuinne: Where are you? Columbia, Myrtle Beach, Charleston? I’ll be happy to give restaurant recommendations.
As for Andre, he’s a tremendouche. /tomatonation
Tzal
Anything that begins with ordering mojitos in a dive bar is destined to end in tears.
Randy P
@Cassidy:
I haven’t seen most of the stuff people mentioned or most of the stuff on his IMDB page. I do remember him as Dex in “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”. He’s also listed as Junior in “Cold Mountain”, which I saw but I don’t remember the character.
OriGuy
Cole, did you get a tattoo? Does it say “Tunch”?
flukebucket
@Tzal:
It all ends in tears anyway.
Bill H
The man drank the first drink, the first drink drank the second drink, the second drink drank the man.
TooManyJens
@Randy P:
He was the pinball-playing kid who could control lightning.
Corner Stone
@Tzal:
I just can’t wrap my head around this. Who the F orders a mojito in a dive bar?
Surly Duff
How the hell did you order a mojito in a dive bar? In a dive bar, ordering something fruity, exotic, or anything with herbs would likely result in a glare, laughter, or a slap to the head. I don’t think you were in a dive bar.
Or was this a “Dive Bar” in that it was attended by lots of Rpubs in wetsuits?
Liz
I am also hung over and want details. It’s the least I deserve since I just read this whole thread.
And are Waterloos worse than Katrinas?
tim
Upchucking Mojitos in a dive gay bar’s slimey bathroom, then waking up this morning on a vomit stained pillow in your own bed next to and finding your wallet and heirloom china tea set stolen…has got to suck.
Lonely, mid life alcoholism is sad.
tim
Edit to comment #77 since the edit system won’t let me do it: insert “an empty spot where the Puerto Rican hustler used to be” after “next to…” and before “…and finding…”
that is all.
fucen tarmal
@tim:
that was you?
your bank account was empty
your credit cards were maxed out
your pictures were boring
and your heirloom china was fake.
i’m the one who got ripped off here, petimetre!
MattR
@Randy P: He also played Pheobe’s brother on Friends if that helps at all.
4jkb4ia
Fognini 2-6, 4-6, 7-5, 6-4, 9-7.
Ranger 3
Cole either hooked up with a fat chick or a 17 year old girl… think Elisha Cuthbert in “Old School”.
I’m definitely pulling for the latter.
Ranger 3
Oh… and mojitos are super gay.
tim
@Ranger 3:
What evidence is there that the alleged sex partner was a female?
tim
@fucen tarmal:
oops…apologeestas, senor.
On the other hand, you do good work. I’m still sore.
Corner Stone
@Ranger 3:
Ummm. I’m pretty sure posting pics of that lil episode would be worth him going to jail.
So…no.
Ranger 3
@tim: I want to believe.
Ranger 3
@Corner Stone: He’s in West Virginia, dude. It’s probably not even illegal, in most cases anyway.
In most states, a good lawyer can beat that rap anyway (met her in a bar, she had an ID, she was really hot). In WV any 1st year law school student could not only get the charges thrown out, but successfully sue the cops for 1st degree cockblocking.