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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Give ’em hell

Give ’em hell

by DougJ|  June 4, 201010:32 pm| 41 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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I am fully aware that Real Americans find this charming and persuasive, that you see signs like this all the time at the Applebee’s salad bar, and so on, but sometimes I wonder if this is really the best way to proselytize for Heavy J, especially in the downtown of a left-leaning city (I took this picture this evening in Rochester):

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41Comments

  1. 1.

    El Cid

    June 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    I hope he’s got enough time to listen — I don’t need to ask nobody — why I deserve to go to hell. And then I can go on to a bunch more people who deserve it more. Including God, who must be some fucked up, immature son of a bitch if he can create a whole fucking universe but then thinks that what we need after this difficult life is to burn forever and ever for his soft, disappointed regret & enjoyment. The people who thought that shit up deserve it most of all.

  2. 2.

    asiangrrlMN

    June 4, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    @El Cid: You took my answer! Besides, the kid looks about twelve. He’s a bit young to be preaching to ME about hell.

    P.S. I may deserve hell, but hell doesn’t deserve ME.

  3. 3.

    El Cid

    June 4, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Really good interviews going on about the Israeli attack on aid activists in defense of an illegal and starvation-oriented blockade and the new attempt to bring the MV Rachel Corrie to Gaza from the South. On live streaming PressTV.

    As one of the guests clarifies, it’s pretty odd that various groups of civilians are having to do what the UN itself should be doing. The wonderful Rania Masri is pointing out that American and British civilians captured in the last flotilla haven’t at all been released, and remain in jail awaiting charges.

  4. 4.

    Mark S.

    June 4, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    How do you know this isn’t some situation like in Die Hard where the terrorists make Bruce Willis wear a racist sign in Harlem? There could be lives at stake here!

  5. 5.

    Josh

    June 4, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    Campus pastors are the best. So many memories. So many heathens.

    My soul has been damned to Hell no less that seven times.

    I’m impressed by their ability to judge of a man just by looking at him. I wonder sometimes if their ability to judge is just a bunch of fakery. They’re pretty persuasive when they judge you while bringing down the righteous wrath of God at the tip of their index finger, which is pointed in your face.

    When I was a good little Lutheran boy, real pastors told me that it is not within the purview of men to judge the holiness of other men. In fact, I believe they told me that God sees this as an usurpation of his authority. Deities don’t look too kindly upon such transgressions.

    I’m sure they understand that, though. They have always demonstrated a thorough understanding of the Bible during their little demonstrations.

    It’s not a big deal that they took every single passage they used to define sinners and heathens completely out of context. People are imperfect; it says so in the Bible.

  6. 6.

    Brachiator

    June 4, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Is the guy giving away free tickets?

  7. 7.

    PeakVT

    June 4, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Unconfirmed reports say the latest Gaza aid ship has been boarded (peacefully) by the Israeli military.

  8. 8.

    charlequin

    June 4, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    Where downtown is that? I don’t remember seeing much of this pretty much… ever, but Lord knows Rochester has (quite literally) more than its share of crazies.

  9. 9.

    DougJ

    June 4, 2010 at 10:57 pm

    @charlequin:

    Rochester — corner of East Ave. and Winthrop.

  10. 10.

    Anoniminous

    June 4, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Having hung a horse for Odin, reddened the high altar to Heimdallr, and thanked the elves for the harvest at alfablot … I figure I’m good for at least Himminbjorg or maybe Glitnir.

    Hel?

    Doubt it.

  11. 11.

    fucen tarmal

    June 4, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    so an all knowing all seeing entity exists somewhere, one that surelly and clearly could communicate proof its existence, some concept of its form, some methodology for the creation of all we know and see, some idea of what happens when you die, unambiguously.

    so clear that there need not be more than one story, and that one story is the same in all languages, yet this entity chooses not to….

    because life is a test of faith, or so the story is often told….

    faith seems like an awfully passive agressive requirement to place on mere humans by an all-knowing all powerful…..

    sorry but i will take my chances that no such entity exists, and also that if they wanted it known, they would say so, in a way that is truly unquestionable…its a necessary capacity of an omnipotent.

  12. 12.

    Chuck Butcher

    June 4, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    What better place to ask that than in a city full of godless lefties?

  13. 13.

    Anoniminous

    June 4, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A11UgzyaeoU

    ;-)

  14. 14.

    charlequin

    June 4, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Shit, that’s like right next to where I used to live!

    Someone should walk into the Spot and buy him a muffin or something, maybe he’s just cranky because of low blood sugar.

  15. 15.

    Ben Richards

    June 4, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    A moment of silence please for the Wizard of Westwood.

    Carry on.

  16. 16.

    encephalopath

    June 4, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    You’re getting the motives wrong.

    When they proselytize and convert the heathens they’re doing the Lord’s work.

    When the unbelievers mock them for their hamfisted attempts at proselytizing, they get stars on their crowns in heaven for enduring persecution for Jesus. Also know as doing the Lord’s work.

    Provoking negative responses is still success. It’s a big win-win either way. Most of the time they aren’t actually trying to convince anyone of anything. But getting laughed at is taken as evidence of how right they are.

  17. 17.

    joe from Lowell

    June 4, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    So…?

    What did he say when you asked him?

  18. 18.

    Some

    June 4, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    Sometimes, when doing laundry, I don’t separate my lights from my darks.

  19. 19.

    Keith G

    June 4, 2010 at 11:49 pm

    @Anoniminous:

    “…hung a horse for Odin”

    Boy, did I read that wrong the first time.

  20. 20.

    Olive Oyl

    June 4, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    That sign is very welcoming- makes me want to strike up a friendly conversation with him.

  21. 21.

    Anoniminous

    June 5, 2010 at 12:08 am

    @Keith G:

    Not to brag … BUT ….

    :-D

  22. 22.

    West of the Cascades

    June 5, 2010 at 12:49 am

    No, no, no, you’re all missing the point. Read the sign literally …

    you’re supposed to go up to him and say to him “why you deserve hell?”

    He will probably answer “Me think Sarah Palin should be vice president, so I deserve hell.”

  23. 23.

    Ecks

    June 5, 2010 at 1:24 am

    @West of the Cascades: Yes, that was my reading of it too.

    “Um, sir, I couldn’t help but notice your sign. So now you have me curious. why DO you deserve hell?”

    And if he says he doesn’t then you nod wisely and say:

    “Oh well that’s absolutely lovely dear. I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time there. You can learn to play the harp. So tell me, what is your position on hatred? Godly or not godly?”
    We’re hoping he goes for not-Godly.
    “How about arrogance and thinking that you know better than other people, what is your take on that?”
    Assuming he says “con,” then all you have to do is cop to being a very kind satanist, and the rest of the ambush just writes itself.

  24. 24.

    LindaH

    June 5, 2010 at 1:28 am

    The real answer is to say “Oh, sweetie (I’m 57, I get to call people sweetie), you don’t have to tell me why you deserve to go to Hell. No one deserves to go to Hell. I’m sure God would never be so cruel as to send you to Hell. Have a nice day!” Then pat him on his head and move on with his life.

    Seriously, one of the better moments in my life was one day when the Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my neighborhood. The poor guy who got me hadn’t been trained properly because he asked “Are you happy with your relationship with God and Christ?” and I thought for 30 seconds about my non-Christian self and replied “Yes, I am. Thanks for asking.” and I shut the door. After all, I’d answered his question.

  25. 25.

    Socratic_me

    June 5, 2010 at 2:37 am

    For what it is worth, we got a lot of these types at the University of Oklahoma, and the bible thumping Baptist types hate them even worse than everyone else does by a long shot.

  26. 26.

    Lysana

    June 5, 2010 at 2:54 am

    @LindaH:

    Seriously, one of the better moments in my life was one day when the Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my neighborhood. The poor guy who got me hadn’t been trained properly because he asked “Are you happy with your relationship with God and Christ?” and I thought for 30 seconds about my non-Christian self and replied “Yes, I am. Thanks for asking.” and I shut the door. After all, I’d answered his question.

    I did something similar to a Scientologist once. I could honestly answer yes to all three of his lead-in questions. Of course, what I meant by researching the power of the mind and getting in touch with my deeper issues isn’t what HE meant, but how could he gainsay me?

    As for whether I’m Hel-bound, that answer would have to be no. Based on my own experiences and beliefs, if I’m going anywhere, it’s Tir na mBan (the Island of Women), one of the Irish Otherworld spaces. There are Norse gods who like me all right, but I’m not Theirs. I wouldn’t be Hel-bound even if I were, either. (nods to Anoniminous)

  27. 27.

    Prospero

    June 5, 2010 at 5:06 am

    Hey, it’s the Chick Boy! (very NSFW)

  28. 28.

    Michael

    June 5, 2010 at 6:48 am

    For anybody who remembers Brother Jed Smock and Sister Cindy, they hooked up and spawned.

    http://www.brojed.org/picsandvids.php

    Lake…..of…..FIIIIIIIIIIIIRE……

  29. 29.

    dmsilev

    June 5, 2010 at 8:01 am

    His sign is nice, but not particularly original. On campus here, we have someone who holds up signs and hands out literature protesting circumcision. He wears a custom-printed T-shirt and ballcap with anti-circumcision slogans, and basically goes around asking people about their foreskins. He’s been doing this for years.

    dms

  30. 30.

    Tim Cooper

    June 5, 2010 at 8:39 am

    @dmsilev:

    Damn you! I was drinking coffee while reading…

  31. 31.

    frankdawg

    June 5, 2010 at 8:43 am

    I currently work in downtown Minneapolis & there seems to be a different nutball out on the mall every time I go there shouting to the fallen. Having been raised with bible-readin I have a handy bunch of stinkbombs to toss. This boy would get:

    Matthew 6:1-34
    Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

  32. 32.

    frankdawg

    June 5, 2010 at 8:49 am

    The most interesting bunch though is a small contingent of African-American men that show up on Nicolette and 7th every Friday (when the weather is nice – dedication has its limits). The have white robes with the Star of David on them & call themselves “The Nation of Israel”.

    They come equipped with a PA system & blather a lot of nonsense about the Old Testament.

    I keep hoping some guys from the Nation of Islam show up so they can both claim the same corner.

  33. 33.

    gelfling545

    June 5, 2010 at 9:05 am

    I think there must be some kind of regional religious nut campaign going on because last Sat. at the corner of Maple & Niagara Falls Blvd.in Amherst, NY (arguably the busiest intersection in WNY) there was a bunch of people tempting fate by waving their Jesus Saves; Repent, etc. signs and accosting people in cars at an intersection where one crosses the road on foot at one;s peril. Given that the road was down to one lane due to construction, people were in no mood.

  34. 34.

    filkertom

    June 5, 2010 at 9:32 am

    Saw a church sign not that long ago: “If God Himself doesn’t judge someone until after they’re dead, why should you?”

  35. 35.

    Dave S.

    June 5, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Very clever of him to use Kodak’s colors for that sign.

  36. 36.

    Joe Bauers

    June 5, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Let’s make a deal: I’ll ask you why I deserve hell if you ask me why you should go fuck yourself.

  37. 37.

    David Rieser

    June 5, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Considering their message, these guys do horrendous advertising. I ran in a half marathon in Phoneix some years ago and the first sign I saw was a hand held job saying, “You are going to Hell.” Not only was it inaccurate (we were in fact running to Tempe) but it seemed ill placed. I wasn’t sure why running in a race would doom me, but assuming the sin was some measure of hubris (the self indulgence of a long distance runner) I thought they would be better served by holding the sign near the finish, where people tend to question what’s missing in their lives that they put themselves through that kind of pain and might be willing to consider alternatives. But at the start, it was just stupid.

  38. 38.

    Kobie

    June 5, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    @charlequin: You mean like the guy who stands in front of the BCA for Amerks and Knighthawks games telling everyone they’re going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks and yelling religious shit at the top of his lungs?

  39. 39.

    amdaeupfakename

    June 6, 2010 at 3:41 am

    Never seen these signs in Rochester. Although I did see someone pull a knife on someone else at the Pittsford Wegman’s this Wednesday. See more junkies then crazy Xstians with signs in my part of the city.

  40. 40.

    goatchowder

    June 6, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    Nice sign, bro. Ask me why you are a fucking douchebag.

  41. 41.

    DPirate

    June 6, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    He’s not mainly a proselytizer. It’s the modern version of mortification. He’s wearing a hairshirt.

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