There is nothing quite like waking up and going to the bathroom and stepping, with your bare foot, with all your weight, into a pile of dog shit. The way it squishes between your toes and you start to slide on the tile as you react in horror in the dark, without any glasses on and wearing your pj’s, because even though you are blind and vulnerable and it is the middle of the night, you know exactly what has just happened.
That is all.
Church Lady
Church Daughter was house/pet sitting last weekend for a family friend. She took the dog for a walk and it seemingly didn’t have to go to the bathroom. She took a shower and walked into the bedroom to go to bed, promptly stepping in a fresh, steaming pile on the floor next to the bed.
She now hates that dog.
Steeplejack
Good times. Don’t forget the sudden eruption of intense smell brought on by your disturbance of the nocturnal gift.
I would go make myself another drink, but I’m in the middle of throwing up a little in the back of my throat.
Steep +3
ETA: And thanks for suckering me into what I thought was going to be a nice, innocuous open thread. Someone hold my ears.
jharp
Been there. Done that.
I highly highly recommend one footing it to the toilet and dunking the dogshit laden foot deep into the water. Deal with rest of it later.
Billgerat
Wait until you step into your flip-flops in the dark and find that same feeling. It’s oh so wonderful at 3:00 AM.
arguingwithsignposts
Cats ftmfw!
LesGS
Dude.
While not quite as bad, the highest pitched scream I have ever heard out of a grown man was when he stepped and slid, in his jammies, first thing in the morning, in a cat’s hacked up hair-ball.
Bhall35
Only an expert can deal with the problem.
This is going to be my standard response to most everything for the foreseeable future. It is surprisingly adaptable to many situations.
asiangrrlMN
@arguingwithsignposts: For the most part! Except when the dingleberries fall off in inconvenient places.
Cole, I love it when you go Galt. And, sorry about the shit, literally.
Steeplejack
Okay, this thread is going nowhere good. Time to catch up on the two-day backlog. I hear this Gen. McChrystal guy might get fired. What’s up with that?
2th&nayle
No! No! Wait until you get ready to go to something formal, like a funeral or a wedding, and step into your best shoes…Ahh, Yes! The joy of pet husbandry.
Et Tu Brutus?
Oh, I don’t know about that; pretty much the same way I feel every morning when I read the news lately.
electricgrendel
Well. At least it wasn’t human shit?
electricgrendel
Well. At least it wasn’t human shit?
MichelleSea
Long time lurker blah blah.
There’s just something that a pet owner has. That us non pet owners freak out about.
asiangrrlMN
@Steeplejack: Heh. You made the funny. How you doing, Steepman?
Polish the Guillotines
@arguingwithsignposts: Except when they’re bulimic. Although, given the option between stepping in cat barf and stepping in dog crap, I’ll take cat barf every time.
Corner Stone
@Steeplejack: If he stays Obama is a pussy. If Obama fires him then Obama’s a pussy who can’t take dissent.
Ergo, Obama’s a pussy.
There. I just saved you days of angst.
Corner Stone
Ahhh, moderation. All things in moderation I guess, especially use of the word p_ssy.
Lesley
I think we know whose poop it is, too.
Oh Rosie! Where are you???
Yutsano
@Lesley: Now that seems a touch unfair. After all Miss Lily did just have her living situation turned upside-down. Or perhaps it was a collaborative effort.
Oh who am I kidding, I’m sure Rosie is just breaking in her new environs proper-like.
@Steeplejack:
Dear Allah I certainly hope so. It’s gonna be a full moon tonight after all.
2th&nayle
@asiangrrlMN: @Steeplejack: Hello asiangrrl and SpeepleMan. Been a while. Good to see you around the Bjuicer blog. I’ve been fairly despondent lately. Lost Junior and Sugarfoot in the last 3 months or so. It’s OK, I’ve got Sadie, and Lil’ Britches to keep me company now!
MikeJ
@Yutsano: Lunar eclipse too, isn’t there?
Steeplejack
@asiangrrlMN:
Damn, and I thought you were referring to the Family Guy clip–my second favorite of all time, after “Cool Hwhip.” I have a love/hate relationship with that show. So much of it is lowest-common-denominator bullshit–and smug, self-satisfied bullshit at that–but when it hits it hits big. Damn you, Seth McFarlane!
I feel extraordinarily good tonight. Had a relatively uneventful, non-soul-destroying shift at the Big Box Bookstore, and the Magic 8-Ball indications are for tomorrow night to be the same. Then the blesséd weekend. Oops, no, I have to work on Monday, because I switched shifts with my favorite coworker so that she can celebrate her girlfriend’s birthday in appropriately lesbyterian fashion. What can I say; I’m a caretaker.
And there has been a tiny break in the weather. It has been highs in the mid-90s all week–I think it actually hit 100° Thursday–but it went up to only 91° today (Friday)–with high humidity, of course. Good times. But every little bit helps. (Normal for June here in NoVa is highs in the mid-80s.)
Yutsano
@2th&nayle: As the Japanese say, ganbatte kudasai. Roughly translates to hang in there. This will pass as well, and losing loved ones seems to make those that still are around makes their love just that much sweeter.
And speaking of long-lost souls, I saw furioso ateo post a few threads back. I was wondering how the hell that Marine had been.
@MikeJ: Dunno, have to see what teh Google tells me on that subject. I hope so as it’s a clear night tonight as well.
EDIT: Partial one some time early in the morning. Full one comes July 11th though.
arguingwithsignposts
@Polish the Guillotines:
Well, I have done the slide in a hairball before. Still, not quite the same.
Gatsby
The full moon did it!
MikeJ
@MikeJ: And to reply to myself, I may go shoot it. Here’s a previous eclipse:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/12284440@N02/1257930126/in/set-72157624359493800/
Yutsano
@arguingwithsignposts: Lady Smudge leaving you a gift during the night I take it? You’re correct, though, not anywhere near the same as feeling the squish of a fresh dog stool on your bare foot.
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
Sorry to hear of your losses. As Yutsano said, hang in there. And remember: no love is lost. Ever. You will always have that. And when the next animal comes into your life you will have that much more to give.
Ruckus
I’m laughing my ass off and Bud is looking at me like I’ve gone off the deep end.
That squishy feeling is so not what you want at 2 in the morning. Or any other time.
2th&nayle
@Yutsano: Thank you Yuts! That’s very kind. According to Jimmy Buffet, ” It just takes a while.”
arguingwithsignposts
@Yutsano:
Not Lady Smudge (yet), but my gf has a cat who used to have constant hairballs or what also sounds a little like bulimia. You could hear it coming, too. You just didn’t always know where. Good thing she had hardwood floors.
2th&nayle
@Steeplejack: Excuse me, that’s Buffett, not Buffet! And thanks for the thought! If I’ve learned anything, it’s to love ’em while you have ’em! Thanks again1
Yutsano
@arguingwithsignposts: I have two cats, my orange shorthair Skitz (the name fits him trust me) and Scamp my long-haired gray Himalayan. Guess which one is the pro at leaving hairballs all over the house? I’d get annoyed if Scamp wasn’t so wonderful to pet. Plus we just shaved him for the summer, so he looks like a feline poodle. A friend of mine from college called him Chemo Kitty after seeing the end results. He likes having all that fur off, when he gets shaved you can make two cats out of the fur he produces.
@2th&nayle: This seems like the time & place for this gem. My favorite song by Jimmy by far:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mrZ1fmM674
Chuck Butcher
Not to ruin anybody’s eve but Gus the Pyrrenes weighs 150#, his life has been extended by no such behavior on his part. The lawn decorations are impressive.
Grumpy Old Man
I live in Seattle – I remember in my hippie days going out to check the mail late at night bare foot and stepping on something wet and squishy and ‘hoping’ it was dog shit (and not a huge, disgusting slug).
Steeplejack
@Chuck Butcher:
I once vowed never to own a dog that dropped loads bigger than my own. And history has vindicated me in that decision.
ETA: I would consider owning such a beast if I had 100 acres in the middle of nowhere and I possibly needed it to repel orcs or Mongol raiders.
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: I had a Newfie growing up. As soon as they’re old enough you spend a week house training them and nothing else. Fortunately Newfies and Great Pyrenees are pretty high on the intelligence scale so they figure out the dynamics rather quickly. But if you waste time on doing that you’ll have bombs all over your house.
asiangrrlMN
@2th&nayle: I’m glad you showed up again. Was wondering what happened to you. I’m so sorry to hear about you losing two beloved companions so quickly. The guys said it best–I am glad you have other animals to comfort you a little.
@Steeplejack: I’m not a Family Guy fan. There. I said it. How nice of you to contribute to the decimation of the moral fabric of our society (helping lesbians celebrate birthdays! How dare you!).
@Yutsano: Holy shit. That’s Buffett? I like it!
asiangrrlMN
@Chuck Butcher: Yeah, no. I would not want to step in one of those.
@arguingwithsignposts: Ahem. Girlfriend? New one? Past one? SPILL!
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: There’s a very long and involved story as to how I discovered that song and why it has a lot of layers of meaning in my life, but I never really had the good occasion to share it until now. He wrote that to commemorate the life and passing of his father. No one expects a song like that out of Jimmy Buffett. I think that makes it all the better.
@Steeplejack: Heh. Trust me it ain’t as bad as all that. Usually the lawnmower ground them up and we never had to fertilize our lawn. And we lived in Navy housing so we didn’t have huge yards. I’m hoping that experience holds because I’m still seriously considering a Great Dane in the near future.
Steeplejack
@Yutsano:
Dude, I’m not even thinking about inside the house. Of course you can house-train them! I’m talking about stepping out onto the porch and surveying a vast wasteland of giant dog turds (with, hopefully, the corpses of some orcs and/or Mongol raiders mixed in).
arguingwithsignposts
@asiangrrlMN:
Past, same, not new. Weird situation ATM. She has four cats.
Also, apparently I had the wrong day for the pride parade in Chicago. It’s sunday, which means I will not be able to hang around to see it. :(
2th&nayle
@Yutsano: Maw Gawd! That’s just beautiful. I’d never heard that one. I’ll be savin’ that one. Thanks! My favorite Buffet is ” A Pirate Looks at Forty”. As you can probably tell.
Melody sounds like J.D. Souther’s, “If You Have Cryin’ Eyes”
I don’t know how to link to Youtube, but if you feel like it check it out.
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
Here you go: J.D. Souther (with Linda Rostadt) doing “If You Have Cryin’ Eyes.”
Chuck Butcher
@Steeplejack:
I would hurt myself trying to pass one of those.
One thing about really big dogs, they are confident and not prone to fright over-reactions. The downsides are that any damage they do isn’t minor – to yards, or whatever else. I have found that Pyrs are quite intelligent but not at all amenable to things like tricks, even “Come” has debatable outcomes. Obviously cooping them up is poor practice. They are independent and if that isn’t desirable, they also aren’t.
Pyrs do ownership and in that respect must be monitored carefully as to where that is permissable. I have not heard that Newfies are that way, though I’m only marginally familiar with them.
Apartment dwelling wouldn’t work, but owning a ranch isn’t required either. Labs and Collies require more exercise space, oddly enough.
Steeplejack
@Chuck Butcher:
I might go for an Airedale. Had a friend who had one. It was one of the smartest dogs I ever knew. Also very even-tempered. The only bad habit he had (the dog, not the friend) was that when someone came to my friend’s house he would invariably lift a leg and whiz on one of the wheels of their car. Like (Jon Stewart mobster voice): “Hey, how’s it going? Good to see ya. You’re in my house now.”
2th&nayle
@Steeplejack: What a sweetheart! Thanks Steep! Love me some J.D.!
Anne Laurie
@Yutsano:
As I’m sure you know, diet makes a huge difference in the… afterproduct. One of the people who first got me interested in living with dogs was a Great Dane breeder. When people asked her how she could afford to feed her dogs the highest-quality premium kibble, she’d say, “Since I’m the one cleaning up after them, it’d be a bargain at any price!”
Chuck Butcher
@Steeplejack:
Gus has very serious issues with any wild animal – squirrel on up – they are bad things to be dealt with. You will understand that 150# does not make for lightning fast, though the first 60 feet are pretty impressive. Squirrels are in danger of nothing more serious than heart failure. Orcs would be done for…
Yutsano
@Anne Laurie: LOL, good point. We’ve always fed our dogs well, no doubt that will continue after I get myself a puppeh. I’m thinking it will go high on the list of self-rewards if/when I get the IRS gig. Which I interview for next week. :)
@Chuck Butcher: UNLEASH THE HOUNDS OF HELL!!
(huh? what? Only got a Great Pyrenees? Well damn just send that big beast out there then!)
Chuck Butcher
@Steeplejack:
Very large space requirements/exercise duties. Generally nice dogs provided their energy level is accounted for.
Male dogs are what they are, especially when not fixed. Gus isn’t.
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
And we can’t forget his big hit, “You’re Only Lonely.”
Anne Laurie
@Chuck Butcher:
Having done both, I can attest that it’s better to share the back of a minivan with four adult Great Danes than one Irish Setter puppy. People who love the giant breeds (Pyrs, Danes, Irish Wolfhounds) have a real incentive to breed for good temperament and laid-back indoor manners.
@Steeplejack:
The Airedales I’ve known (not many) have all had a great sense of humor. It’s like they inherited the terrier zany genes, looked around, and said to themselves, “Fvck it, I’m big enough not to have a Napoleon complex.”
asiangrrlMN
@Steeplejack: Oh my god. That’s a gorgeous, awesome song. I’m glad 2th&nayle brought it up. And, I didn’t know You’re Only Lonely is his, too. I have a soft spot for that song. Suddenly, I feel the need to pour me some bourbon and wallow in my misery.
Chuck Butcher
@Yutsano:
Nothing has ever tried Gus on for size, the Rot next door won’t fuck with him and he’ll screw with just about anything – and he’s dim.
eco2geek
TMI.
I raise your TMI with a link to a recent Salon article containing waaaaaay TMI.
The only time Alta (our almost-9-year-old akita) has pooped in the house so far was when we were gone for quite a while and couldn’t take her with us. There’s a lot to be said for adopting pets who have already been housebroken (especially ones that can communicate that they need to go out, even if it’s 3 in the morning).
I’ve been trying all week to catch a feral tabby cat that I’ve caught 3 times before in years past. He’s always managed to get out and get away. He’s always come and (mostly) gone in the past, but has now decided he likes to get fed chez moi on a daily basis.
I’d like him gone because one of my outside cats runs off and hides whenever he’s around, and the other one sits there and growls at him. (Cats are very territorial.) And I suspect he might be involved with the sudden disappearance of my two cats’ mama. But he’s become trap-saavy. A drop trap looks like an interesting alternative to the box trap I’ve got.
Chuck Butcher
@Anne Laurie:
There is that incentive and in the case of Pyrs their “job” from the beginning doesn’t match with “being wired.” The ownership thing is a very big deal, though. That can get dangerous if it’s not kept well in check.
asiangrrlMN
@eco2geek: Damn my curiosity. I read the title of that article and immediately closed it, but the damage is done. Suddenly, I’m not so hungry any more.
Steeplejack
@Anne Laurie:
Exactly. Ulysses (the Airedale’s name) was like: “Indulge me in this one private joke, and otherwise I’m down with whatever you guys want to do.” He was not high-maintenance at all. And, frankly, some of the people deserved to have their tires whizzed on. There, I said it.
Yutsano
@Chuck Butcher: It really is funny how the big dogs have no sense of proportion. If something looks fun, they will play with it, regardless of the size. I lost quite a few escaped gerbils under Sasha’s huge paws, and it wasn’t because she was trying to catch them either. The best part about her was she actually felt contrition after their deaths too. She was a great puppeh.
2th&nayle
@Steeplejack: “Your Only Lonely” is certainly a fine song. Anything that sounds that much like Roy Orbison can’t be bad. But just coz you brought it up; Souther wrote the Eagles song, “How Long”. As far as I know that was the last hit “The Eagles” had. I think they won an Emmy for it. Not that…..well you know.
Yutsano
@2th&nayle:
They had it on a TV special?
I’m thinking you might be meaning Grammy here. But I shan’t assume anything yet.
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
Yeah, I know. Linda Ronstadt, “Rock Me on the Water.”
Chuck Butcher
@Yutsano:
I had Demian for 13yrs, Pyr/Scotch Collie, who was 135# of speed, muscle, smarts,and absolutely nothing to ever fuck with despite his very good and even nature. He could run, swim, and play all day and the second you sat down he’d lay down and wait. I have no idea what it would have taken to wear that beast out, daylight wasn’t long enough.
He could play with babies to adults, fine judgement, no damage ever. Animals were for hunting, cats for catching and then slobbering on- no damage beyong dog spit, pride, and maybe heart palpitations.
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
Eagles live, “How Long.”
Steeplejack
@Steeplejack:
Okay, now that I’m hearing Don Henley’s voice, I have to link to his great treatment of Bruce Hornsby’s great song “The End of the Innocence.”
2th&nayle
@Yutsano: Yeah, of course, a Grammy! hahahaha! I stand corrected! I’m already deep in that bottle of bourbon that asiangrrl was talking about gettin’ into, so you’ll just have to understand.
eco2geek
@asiangrrlMN: Sorry. :-) It was one of those “train wreck” articles where once I started reading I couldn’t stop. Sorta unbelievable.
My wife had an Airedale/Doberman cross growing up. She says he loved to fight and, once or twice a year, would break his chain and climb over an 8′ fence to get it on with the neighborhood dogs. He’d come back and scratch at the front door, then sit there patiently while my wife’s mother poured Merthiolate on all his rips and tears.
This was the same dog who let my wife’s sister, when she was 18 months or 2 years old, put her arm down his throat one time when she was playing with him. (They caught her in the act.) He just sat there and let her do it.
Mark
Hah. Having done this and similar things so many times, I can’t stifle my laughter.
Know what’s worse? The dog is sleeping on your bed and just as you doze off, he starts retching and pukes up two pieces of pizza that he somehow snagged along with a bowl of dog food all over your comforter. This actually happened to me.
2th&nayle
@Steeplejack: Wonderful song! Wonderful voice! You’re just merciless! Since you brought it up….ever hear LindaR sing “Faithless Love”? I highly recommend it!
Yutsano
@Steeplejack: Fie on all you hippies. I’m listening to my pseudo-grandmother. And y’all can’t stop me. Neener.
Nicole
Thanks for this thread, everyone. I’m having a really uncomfortable third trimester, and laughter really is the best medicine. Especially when you can’t sleep.
My aunt’s aging Golden Retriever has developed a neurological condition where he’s not aware he’s pooping. The vet’s advice was to keep him on Eukanuba- because firm stool is easier to clean up. Heh.
Uriel
This is, perhaps, the truest and most wondrous thing I have ever read on the internet, ever.
2th&nayle
@Yutsano: Wouldn’t dream of it Yuts! What a talent Angela is!
@Steeplejack: That’s a very interesting clip. How often do you see Joe Walsh playing rhythm??
JSYK — The best dogs FSM ever invented was the Border Collie, bar none!
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
I am aware of all Ronstadt traditions.
Have to lift the maudlin mood a bit with her remake of the excellent Hollies song “I Can’t Let Go.”
Oh, hell, she does it pretty well, but the Hollies are better. Even the guitar solo (at 1:25) is better.
I think I am going down the Floyd hole tonight.
Anne Laurie
@2th&nayle:
Problem is, Border Collies are like Maseratis — they can only be handled safely by professionals, and they will reward those professionals by making it look easy. In the hands of enthusiastic amateurs, however… well, at best it’s a waste and at worst it’s a tragedy.
Steeplejack
@Steeplejack:
Oh, fuck, moderation! Puh-leeze. No sociaIism, no shoes, no nothing. I will be vindicated upon the morrow.
. . . Ooh, maybe it’s too many links. Okay, will revise. But FYWP! With a rusty pitchfork.
Steeplejack
@2th&nayle:
I am aware of all Ronstadt traditions.
Have to lift the maudlin mood a bit with her remake of the excellent Hollies song “I Can’t Let Go.”
Steeplejack
@Steeplejack:
Oh, hell, she does it pretty well, but the Hollies are better. Even the guitar solo (at 1:25) is better.
I think I am going down the Floyd hole tonight.
asiangrrlMN
@Yutsano: I’m giving you the gimlet eye. Don’t you have a late-night drug run to make?
Oh noes! Who broke the thread? Is it the wayward less than signal in 2th&nayle’s post?
I am listening to Rachel’s soul. If that doesn’t drive me to drink, nothing will.
2th&nayle
@Anne Laurie: I won’t argue your point. BC’s certainly have to have supervision and attention and they don’t make good full-time inside dogs, but given the right environment and something to keep them otherwise occupied, they are the smartest, most loyal, loving dogs I’ve ever had the pleasure to have been around.
2th&nayle
asiangrrl; Uhh…What??
asiangrrlMN
@asiangrrlMN: Rachel’s soul? I wish! Rachel’s show. Yeah, rah rah, USA! USA! USA!
asiangrrlMN
@2th&nayle: You put a less than sign in your post at 75. The comments are nesting after that. I was wondering if that was the culprit because lonely hyphens do the same thing.
Hey! What happened to your YouTube link? I saw a Neil Young link and clicked on it, and now it’s disappeared from your post!
@eco2geek: Damn you! I went back and read it. Ugggggh!
2th&nayle
@asiangrrlMN: Hahahaha! Yeah, it probably was the wayward ‘less than’ symbol! I told you I was deep in that bottle of bourbon! hahaha!
Yutsano
@Nicole: I’m amazed no one’s bothered to mention yet that the third trimester means that the long road is almost over and you soon will have a new life and a great addition to your family. Sheesh I feel like an unsupportive heathen now.
2th&nayle
@asiangrrlMN: Block quote dumbup I guess! I can’t explain. I do like Neil Young though! “Don’t Let It Bring You Down” is my favorite. What’s yours?
R-Jud
@Nicole:
Consider it training for when you really can’t sleep in a few weeks. Best wishes for an easy birthday!
asiangrrlMN
@2th&nayle: Now your less than sign is a wayward hyphen, but the nesting is gone. I think I need to start drinking because my mind is going nuts.
I’m not a huge Neil Young fan. What would you suggest? Your link was to Don’t Let It Bring You Down, so you probably copied that instead of my text.
@Nicole: Aw, sucky to hear. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes better. Make sure to email pics of the baby to Cole!
eco2geek
@asiangrrlMN: Oh great. Please don’t punch me in the neck!
OK, you need what BoingBoing refers to as a unicorn chaser. How about the Traveling Wilburys singing End Of The Line?
2th&nayle
@Nicole: Yes, I’ll get in the jerk line too. Right behind Yuts! When is the happy event?
asiangrrlMN
@eco2geek: I don’t do punching in the neck. I do fucking with a rusty pitchfork. However, given that I was the one who clicked on the link twice, I cannot be too harsh with you. Plus, you gave me the Traveling Wilburys, so we’re all good. This time. Had you given me Handle With Care, I would have given you a freebie TMI link.
2th&nayle
@asiangrrlMN: You seem to know a damn sight more about this than I do, so I’ll just try to do better in the fluture. How can you not be a Neil fan? That’s down right un-American! Which is kind of ironic since he’s Canuck. JK!
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: Okay, I admit I am enjoying this little game of Whack-A-Mole with Kylie’s new video a wee bit too much. This is the fourth user I’ve seen put it up on YouTube now, so now the Japanese lawyers will get in on the act. Just go with it people sheesh!
asiangrrlMN
@2th&nayle: Well, it’s been a problem for the past few weeks. Anne Laurie fixed it, even though she didn’t see a problem, either. I don’t hate Neil Young–I just never got into his music. One thing I really dig about BJ is that it’s totally expanded my music repertoire. And, as I am not a Real American(tm), I am fine with your accusations, Sir!
@Yutsano: Heh. So you’re finding all the postings and posting them here? I’m fine with that. Yum yum yum….
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: I just find it both astounding and highly amusing that they’re ignoring the high number of hits she’s getting with almost zero publicity and all the Internet generated buzz alone. Marketers KILL for easy publicity like that, but they have to go and kill off that golden goose. It’s comical and sad at the same time.
asiangrrlMN
@Yutsano: Yeah, I’m with you on the sad. It’s like they’ve decided that she’s not salable, YouTube hits be damned, and they are completely ignoring her.
eco2geek
@asiangrrlMN: Yeah, the fucking with the rusty pitchfork part. Ouch. Knew there was good reason to be afraid of you.
While Handle With Care‘s a fine song, you strike me more as a She’s My Baby fan.
Unicorn chaser II: Booker T & the MGs, Green Onions. Good night.
2th&nayle
@asiangrrlMN: No accusation implied or intended! Far as I’m concerned you’re a red blooded MinnDak! Hard to get more ‘Merican than that!
Staging a Comeback
My sister watched my dog for me while I was away last week. Now, my sister has some pretty significant insomnia at times, and one night in particular had a tough time getting to sleep. Early (6ish, when I usually put her out) that morning my dog nudged her and whined a little bit, but, having barely gotten to sleep a couple hours before, my sister ignored her. A couple hours later, went into the bathroom, and found herself in the same predicament as the author of this post.
Thankfully, my sister is a committed pet geek and realized she had missed a signal, and thus was able to find humor in the situation.
flukebucket
Hair balls, cat puke, dog shit. It is all pretty much the same barefooted in the middle of the night.
I actually managed somehow to throw dog shit into my mouth the other day while weed eating. And I am talking about fresh relatively still warm dog shit.
I can see how it is not accepted as a food item in a civilized society but I can also now see how it might be considered a delicacy after the asteroid hits.
WereBear
It was always Mr WereBear who found the fresh hairball with his bare toes.
Seeing his distress, and knowing it was his, James Bond (aka Hurl Boy) would fish a dirty sock out of the hamper and lay it over the offending object.
Now it was, “What’s this dirty sock doing augh augh augh!”
Which is actually better.
Now I’ve got them on no grain diets, and Mr Bond is doing much better.
debit
When I was 16 or 17, I was out past curfew on a date. I crept into the house around 2:00am, shoes in hand so I wouldn’t make any noise. I slowly opened the front door, pivoted to close it, and promptly stepped in a pile of cold dog shit. I gave a strangled shriek and jumped back-straight into a puddle of cold dog pee. And slipped and fell…right back into the dog shit. And woke my mom up, who came downstairs, rubbed her eyes, noted the the time, then dryly opined I’d been punished enough. And then told me to clean up the dog mess before I went to bed.
Meanwhile our poor, elderly dog who couldn’t (obviously) control herself at times looked so ashamed I had to spend an hour comforting her. After the Silkwood shower, of course.
KyCole
I came home from work Wednesday after going to the grocery store (which I hate). The puppy had puked out the front of the kennel and squirted out of the rear. Had to wash the bedding, the dog, the floor and the crate, when all I wanted to do was have a nice dinner and a beer.
Rosalita
@WereBear:
were you the one who posted about the Evo cat food? I switched over to it. hopefully my one fatkat will become less fat.
Svensker
@Grumpy Old Man:
Oh gaak. I still remember the time (in Seattle) I was running barefoot and landed on a gigantic slug — slug’s skin stuck to my foot and slug’s guts shot an impressive 3 yards. The screams still echo.
Nicole
@2th&nayle: Nobody’s being a jerk; it was just a little self-pity on my part after this week when I found out my blood pressure has skyrocketed and most of the almost 50 pounds I’ve put on seems to be in my feet, which look like little fat Virginia Hams. Sleeping has become so tough it was nice to giggle hysterically at doggie doo-doo mishaps at 4:30AM. Thanks for the laughs and the nice thoughts, guys and gals.
August 2nd is his due date, assuming I can let nature take its course. The blood pressure thing may screw that up. Sigh.
Svensker
@flukebucket:
Oh, no. Ha ha ha. Aaack. Eeek. Ha ha ha.
Svensker
@Nicole:
That’s miserable. Sending good thoughts your way. I did the 50 lbs and ham toes, too — don’t forget to take shoes that will fit your instantly smaller feet to the hospital . I didn’t think about it and had sneakers with no laces (the only things that would go on before) which were way too big and kept falling off when it was time to go home.
Josie
Early in my marriage, I had a silky terrier who specialized in leaving gifts in the path from our bed to the bathroom. My husband swore that he could envision Aussie with a tape measure in the middle of the night planning the exact spot he would step so he could make his deposit. Of course when the inevitable happened, Aussie would be curled up sleeping innocently in the bed.
wrb
Actually stepping on a large dead rat that your cats have left as an offering is rather like it and a bit more.
A rat is squishy but tickley too due to the fur. Then it bursts.
Larkspur
@debit: “…And woke my mom up, who came downstairs, rubbed her eyes, noted the the time, then dryly opined I’d been punished enough….”
Hey, debit, this is a great little story. It covers the bases: excellent Momming, amusing teenage teachable moment, and memories of a beloved old friend. Thank you.
I have to say that I no longer get up and go to the bathroom at night without first turning on the light and putting on my glasses. I learned my lesson when, already seated on the throne, I happened to flick on the light, and saw that I’d just missed stepping on a damn scorpion. It was glaring at me from right there on the tile.
But for ick, I have to go with the time I was trying to get something out of a dog’s mouth (we were trying to teach him to stop picking up everything in the universe that he could reach with his mouth), and although I was expecting a rain-sodden hunk of tree bark, it felt like something totally different. Soft. Cold, but soft. It was a dead mouse, left by the resident cat, discovered by the delighted dog, who was holding it very gently in his mouth. I yelled really high and got the corpse away from him, and then, yes, there was a mini-Silkwood, my hands, his mouth. I told his mom and dad that if we both died of Hanta virus, I wanted us to be buried together.
TaMara (BHF)
Okay, we talked about Great Danes in this thread and I slept through it! Waaaaaa!
BTW, I raise your dead rat and see you a live snake, in my bed, courtesy of my cat.
TaMara (BHF)
113 posts and no one’s response to this was, John stepped in dog poop and his first reaction (okay, maybe second) was to walk over to the computer and blog about it?
Jager
@Anne Laurie:
I was leaving for the airport one very early and dark morning and without realizing it stepped in a pile left by my nieghbors dog! Climbed into my BRAND NEW 5 Series, drove off and in minutes the NEW car smell was over powered by the smell of dog shit. Had to pull into a gas station, wash my NEW shoe off in the toilet, hose off my NEW floormat and hand wipe the NEW gas and NEW brake pedal. I got to the airport with minutes to spare, got into my seat, I smelled a hint of dog shit, there was a bit of it clinging to the cuff of my NEW suit. Three days later, I unlocked my NEW car in the airport lot and was almost knocked on my ass by the lingering smell of dog shit in my NEW car. It took me an entire saturday afternoon to get the smell out of that Bavarian leather interior! My nieghbor felt so guilty he brought me a cold beer (3, in fact) while I worked on getting the shit smell and stains out of my NEW car!
asiangrrlMN
@eco2geek: You are completely and totally forgiven. I had never heard that Traveling Wilbury song before, and it’s hot. And, can never go wrong with a little Booker T. You totally made my morning.
@2th&nayle: You take that back! Don’t WANNA be a real ‘Murikan!
@TaMara (BHF): I guess we all just take it for granted that the first thing Cole will do after an event like this is blog about it!
Josie
@TaMara (BHF): Also interesting is the fact that most who commented had suffered a similar indignity. What does that say about all of us?
asiangrrlMN
Apparently, three reply tos are now too many. FYWP.
@eco2geek: You are completely and totally forgiven. I had never heard that Traveling Wilbury song before, and it’s hot. And, can never go wrong with a little Booker T. You totally made my morning.
asiangrrlMN
@2th&nayle: You take that back! Don’t WANNA be a real ‘Murikan!
@TaMara (BHF): I guess we all just take it for granted that the first thing Cole will do after an event like this is blog about it!
OK. My other comment is in moderation. I cannot figure out which word tripped the mod. I just wanted to thank eco2geek for the two great songs (never heard either before). FYWP!
Mr. Furious
I’ve never determined which is worse—fresh and warm, or cold and clammy dog shit in between my toes.
At the moment whichever is afflicting me is “the worst,” but in restrospect? Can’t really say…
QuaintIrene
How about some semi-digested bug parts? Then trying to figure out what kind of massive creature she’d ingested.
licensed to kill time
In my experience, the only thing worse than the shit squish is the warm pile o’ guts squish left behind by your friendly feline hunter. Although I give extra points for the neatly placed squirrel head in the middle of my porch one afternoon, balanced perfectly on the remains of the neck and looking right at me.
I think that cat was auditioning for a role in Feline Frenzy, or The Remains of The Day. He was a mighty hunter.
TaMara (BHF)
@TaMara (BHF):
Not enough coffee when I commented. Oops.
Linda Featheringill
John, all the bitches you sleep with have baggage. What did you expect?
:-)
Ruckus
@2th&nayle:
The best dogs FSM ever invented was the Border Collie, bar none!
Not to argue but the best dog is always the one you live with now.
Ruckus
This place always seems to give me a good belly laugh just when I need it the most.
I had to come back today and check in to see the damage. First rate, just first rate.
Thanks.
@debit:
I hope the picture in my head does justice to the event. Sounds like at the end of the night it turned out pretty good.
lawguy
Been there done that.
Larkspur
You know what gross thing is really pretty fun? Helping a dog excrete some long piece of yarn, or a twig, or something unidentifiable that requires you to grab and pull. The dog is so grateful. And it’s not really that gross, because all you have to do is put your hand in a clean poop bag first. Because you always carry a supply of poop bags, yes? Of course.
2th&nayle
@Ruckus: Yeah, you’re right of course. Just pining for my dearly departed Sugarfoot, I guess.
@asiangrrlMN: Ok! Back it is taken. But the MinnDak stays! heh!
Bill P
Friend has newish dachshund pup, adorable. Takes pup for El snippo de la huevos, dog exacts revenge trifecta. 2 am, makes deposit on bathroom floor, returns to consume same, presents item in bed via regurge.
I cannot improve on this in any way.
Litlebritdifrnt
@TaMara (BHF):
I’ll raise you your live snake in the bed for a live snake in the bathtub (cats), a live chicken in the bedroom (dogs), butt half of a squirrel at the bottom of the stairs (cats) and a decapitated deer head on the loveseat (dogs). After all that a little dog poop between the toes is nothing really.