Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Every day Vance writes another chapter in the book called “Worst VP Pick Ever”.

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

“Joe Biden deserved better than he got from some folks in his own party.”

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Republicans don’t trust women.

People really shouldn’t expect the government to help after they watched the GOP drown it in a bathtub.

Second rate reporter says what?

Boeing: repeatedly making the case for high speed rail.

I really should read my own blog.

Found liable for massive fraud, is required to post a massive bond, gets a break, then files a *fraudulent* bond!

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Please don’t feed the bears.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

FFS people, this was a good thing. take the win.

When we show up, we win.

If you still can’t see these things even now, maybe politics isn’t your forte and you should stop writing about it.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

Live so that if you miss a day of work people aren’t hoping you’re dead.

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

Relentless negativity is not a sign that you are more realistic.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

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Reader Interactions

112Comments

  2. 2.

    mai naem

    Saw a Marist poll that says that 26 percent of Americans don’t know that the US declared independence from England in 1776. Ofcourse Southerners and young folks had the highest rates of lack of knowledge. Among other countries mentioned were China and Japan. Oy vey. Also too, Bill Bennett will be on CSPAN live for several hours tomorrow. I know there are lots of supercilious odious toady right winger blowhard pundits out there but Bill Bennett’s got to be in the Top 10.

  3. 3.

    balconesfault

    if we falter on just one issue they can win all!

    I’ve had a theory for awhile that listening to Tea Party rhetoric is like watching a really poor powerpoint presentation. There are a lot of bullet points that are theoretically tied together somehow, but if the speaker tries tying the points together for anyone who’s not already a true believer, the result will be a resounding WTF? on the part of the observer.

  5. 5.

    Mustang Bobby

    The construction and syntax reminds me of those e-mails I get from the desperate widows of Nigerian generals begging me to help them relocate their vast fortune to a “trusty soul” in America.

    I think the Nigerians have found a whole new gimmick for a scam loaded with lots of gullible pigeons.

  6. 6.

    frankdawg

    I tinkered with a magic act when I was a kid. At a church thing I saw my first ‘faith healer’, he was a worse magician than I was! I _knew_ I could do his act & do it better than he did. Sometimes I regret not following that instinct.

    When I read shit like that tract I get that same growl in my stomach that I could do this better than that crook & make a lot of money from it. Well, first I get my eyes to stop bleeding – then I dream of pulling this con myself & living on easy street.

  7. 7.

    dmsilev

    “obese pools of ACORN type booty”? I’m going to assume that they meant obscene, because otherwise this phrase would set new records for grammatical incoherence. Even with that substitution, it still doesn’t make much sense, but it’s closer to being actual English.

    dms

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    My plans for the holiday weekend? As a Left-Wing Socialcrat in good standing, I’m just going to bask in my very own obese pool of ACORN type booty.

  10. 10.

    SiubhanDuinne

    My plans for the holiday weekend? As a Left-Wing Socialcrat in good standing, I’m just going to bask in my very own obese pool of ACORN type booty.

  12. 12.

    mistermix

    Is the 29.11 reference to Jeremiah 29.11? (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.)

  13. 13.

    Hunter Gathers

    Teabagger read good. Palin needed to restore honor. Fight now or freedom fall. Blacks and hispanics want eat brain and take welfare money. Obama anti-christ. Muslins come and take daughter to make bombs to kill patriots. Purple monkey dishwasher.

  15. 15.

    malraux

    Well, I’ve been beaten to it, but I’ve gotta say that my July 4th plans involve grilling some burgers and drinking a beer beside my obese pool of ACORN type booty.

  16. 16.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @mistermix: I don’t know if that’s the reference, but it’s clearly a dog whistle. Your theory makes as much sense as anything (and a great deal *more* sense than anything in that flyer!)

  17. 17.

    mai naem

    Maybe somebody can tell this guy that he can send a powerful max fax blast using that Magic Jack thingamajee and it will only cost him 19.99 a year.

  18. 18.

    Quiddity

    @mistermix: I thought 2911 was a 9/11 parallel.

    As to the flyer itself, it’s a classic of propaganda. Contains the following words:

    desperate times, socialists, Globalists, Army of Darkness, Socialist onslaught of greed, liberal cabal, Global Elite, Left-Wing Socialcrats, ACORN

    If that doesn’t get you to pay up, what will?

    The guy says he needs money for his Tea Party activities. But also says that

    The fight is forcing us to travel to Washington to meet with decision makers, mail countless letters and make endless presentations.

    Maybe they should stop with the “endless presentations”. That’s got to consume a lot of time and money.

  21. 21.

    Malron

    If there’s one thing I love its girls with ACORN type booty.

    I swear, this passage is just brilliant:

    The liberal cabal has fat-cat favors from cash rich Political potentates funding their takeover of America. They suck at the rear tit
    of the Global Elite and gleam secret kickbacks from the Mortgage Moguls Obama bailed out with your hard earned tax dollars.

    No way I could ever parody that.

  22. 22.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @mai naem #16: He’ll be glad to hear it, and will immediately refund all the excess to the trusting Real Patriots. It’ll be just like a tax cut!

  25. 25.

    Uloborus

    I think this is a satire – in the sense that it’s a grifter who’s just trying to be Tea Partyish to suck money out of the morons. That whole page is just a beg.

  26. 26.

    R. Porrofatto

    @Malron: That was indeed the best. Historians of the future are gonna love this shit.

    I think the 29.11 is simply a way of getting “911” into it, but $9.11 wasn’t a big enough rip-off so they had to include the 2.

  27. 27.

    Mike in NC

    Who I can send my hard earned dollars to in order to qualify as a Citizen Victim?

  28. 28.

    grandpajohn

    He lost me at

    onslaught of Soc ia list greed

    soc ial ist are greedy, but I thought their mantra was that social ist were going to take all the wealth and redistribute it.

  30. 30.

    c u n d gulag

    I have an idea (which doesn’t mean it’s a good one – anyone can tell you that):
    But if everyone sent 1 cent, wouldn’t it cost them more to process the ‘donation’ than it’s worth?
    And wouldn’t it tie up some of their ‘valuable’ time sorting wheat from chaff?

  32. 32.

    maya

    The truth is, I and my staff had to make an emergency trip to Arizona just a few short weeks ago, much of which
    came from our paltry petty cash box.

    Couldn’t Dale Robertson just deadhead on the Wells Fargo stage to Yuma?

    Get this, we need dozens of tough Patriots to become Tea Party Guardians and say ‘YES’ to the 2911 Plan.

    Dozens? The boy, I say, the boy needs to put a few clicks on his elevation.

  34. 34.

    fucen tarmal

    @dmsilev:

    big fat black ass, that is all you need to know, its surrealist…

    i was tee heeing because he said tit, what is rear tit? i have seen back fat, i have seen chicks do the scrunch and squeeze, i have seen pics from that walmart site of chicks in 4 sizes to small tube tops with fat pouring over the top in the back….

    i guess if you can believe in skygod, anything is plausible.

  35. 35.

    Roger Moore

    @mai naem:

    Saw a Marist poll that says shows that 26 percent of Americans don’t know that the US declared independence from England in 1776 will say dumb shit to pollsters if they think the poll isn’t important.

    Fixt. Any time I see one of these polls showing how shockingly ignorant Americans are supposed to be, I can’t help but laugh. I’m willing to bet that a lot fewer than 26 percent would give answers that bad if there were some kind of reward beyond feelings of honesty for taking the poll seriously.

  39. 39.

    trollhattan

    Who’s the dead guy with no neck? Pretty convincing taxidermy job.

    Wingnut flyer design tips #1: Start typing and cease typing only when you’ve reached the end of the page. #2 flip coin to determine whether each paragraph is centered or left-justified. #3 Lo-rez clip art improves everything; it’s the salt of graphic design, so use it liberally lots.

  40. 40.

    Violet

    Wow, that’s some crazy stuff. Where did it come from? Was it mailed out to people?

  41. 41.

    JWeidner

    @dmsilev: It’s a well known fact within the Tea Party that ACORN has been hoarding the world’s supply of Helvetica, Verdana, Arial, and perhaps worst of all, Comic Sans.

  42. 42.

    Henry Bayer

    As seen with the recently postponed Vegas convention, the tea party is running out of money. Grifters like this one are diverting the common rube’s money, and the big money is going direct like the Pete Peterson effort. Also now that the rich have targeted taxing the lower classes (VAT) and gutting Social Security and Medicare, they would like to see the tea partiers wither away so they can’t turn on them.

  43. 43.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Here’s the secret, we have a daring plan which calls for strong Patriots to step up. We have created a Win-Win Plan.   Here it is.

    I have a theory which is my theory and it is mine and what it is too. Here is my theory.

  45. 45.

    trollhattan

    BTW, the last Red Hot Fax Blast I had was the result of some bad Mexican food.

  50. 50.

    feebog

    The Army of Darkness will not be defeated easily;

    Say, wasn’t that Gandolf’s line in Lord of the Rings?

  52. 52.

    Corner Stone

    @PurpleGirl:

    LOL You win the internets today. Very good.

    Whoa whoa whoa. Before noon CT?
    Hell, I might as well go back to bed.

  53. 53.

    Will

    @Hunter Gathers:

    Teabagger read good. Palin needed to restore honor. Fight now or freedom fall. Blacks and hispanics want eat brain and take welfare money. Obama anti-christ. Muslins come and take daughter to make bombs to kill patriots. Purple monkey dishwasher.

    That is the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Thank you.

  56. 56.

    OriGuy

    They’re missing an opportunity if they don’t have a Junior Guardian Club for the kids, with a membership card and secret decoder ring. Say….

  60. 60.

    West of the Cascades

    @mistermix: Nope, definitely a reference to Proverbs 29:11 …

    “A fool gives vent to his anger, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”

  62. 62.

    Karyn

    I know people probably weren’t trying to be offensive, but I’m a Rear Tit American, and I wish people would be more sensitive to my plight. Put yourself in my shoes, and imagine the simple act of blog reading while balancing on an Acorn type booty and leaning against a large back protuberance. Not to mention dodging red hot fax machines being launched at your head. Not easy, people, not easy…

  63. 63.

    Comrade Kevin

    @mai naem:

    Saw a Marist poll that says that 26 percent of Americans don’t know that the US declared independence from England in 1776.

    Well, since the US actually declared independence from Great Britain…

  64. 64.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I prowled around Dale Robertson’s teaparty.org site for a while, and it’s every bit as crazy as this fund-raising letter would suggest. The site follows — nay, exceeds! — the graphic design rules we’ve been having such fun with, and is written at the same marginally-literate level.

    Then I read Ken Silverstein’s article on the Arizona Tea Party in my dead-tree July Harper’s (not available on line, I believe). If he’s accurate — and I have no reason to think he isn’t — the Crazy has gone full-bore batshit out there. We know many of the specifics, but there’s something terrifying about seeing them all laid out in a litany of legislative obsessions. (There’s a new law that prohibits “intentionally or knowingly creating a human-animal hybrid.” And there’s a legislator who complains that the trees are “stealing Arizona’s water supply.”) Silverstein writes that the state legislature “is composed almost entirely of dimwits, racists, and cranks.”

    As the national midterm elections approach in November, the Tea Party movement is supplying the Republican Party with most of its momentum. But this movement, and the strain of aggrieved libertarianism it espouses, cannot claim much representation in elected office. This disparity has led many on the left to dismiss Tea Partiers as a media phenomenon, and to speculate that their ideas could not possibly “stand up to the test” of real governance. But there is, in fact, one place where the results of Tea Party governance has already been tested: Arizona, where the Tea Party is arguably the ruling party. [. . . ] Should the Republicans succeed in retaking power over the next four years, the country might start to resemble the right-wing desert that Arizona has become.

    It’s really scary stuff Silverstein lays out, and his entire piece is well worth reading. I think someone here mentioned the article a few days ago. Sorry, I can’t remember who that was, but I add my own recommendation.

  65. 65.

    Mojotron

    Doc Bronner hasn’t been the same since he got involved with the teabaggers.

  66. 66.

    licensed to kill time

    I think “Sucking at the rear tit of the Global Elite” ought to be a rotating sub-header.

    Only I would change it to “Sucking at the rear teat of the Global Elite” just so it rhymes.

  69. 69.

    bago

    @licensed to kill time: That leaves 2 measures of silence. If you want some flow, you’re going to have to drop a motherfucker.

    Try this construction: “Sucking at the rear teat, of the global motherfuckin elite”. Flows much better in a 4/4 beat.

  70. 70.

    Randy P

    @SiubhanDuinne:
    There’s something almost Dr. Seuss-ian about that.

    My thought about the number was “Glen Beck is only going for a 100-year plan, these guys are going for 900.”

    But I think you guys are right that it’s meant to somehow subliminally make their base think of 9/11. And knowing the base, by “subliminal” I’m talking about “Hurrrg, 2911 mailer making me think about 9/11 and me not know why”.

  73. 73.

    harlana

    “Not responsible for typographical errors.”

    Why not?

    Also, did Sarah Palin write this?

    No, it’s too coherent.

  75. 75.

    harlana

    and fuckers like this ignorant, literacy-challenged fuck-wipe get to go on CSPAN

  76. 76.

    licensed to kill time

    @bago:

    I’m all for droppin’ a motherfucker on ’em, but would it make it onto the front page? Think of the chilrun!

  77. 77.

    Nylund

    They want people to pay $350 a year to support fax blasts. This better work as they’ve already tried “endless presentations!”

    Is his entire list of possible actions limited to the features of an out-of-date copy of Microsoft Office? What’s next after the Fax Blasts? Mailing Excel spreadsheets?

    God help us all if they discover One-Note!

  79. 79.

    debbie

    I didn’t grow up on a farm, so I don’t understand the specificity of the rear tit. Is it because that’s the only tit connected to obese booty, or if the cow turns to the East, the tit will then point to Russia?

  80. 80.

    QuaintIrene

    The liberal cabal has fat-cat favors from cash rich Political potentates funding their takeover of America. They suck at the rear tit
    of the Global Elite a

    Yeah, that was my favorite line, too. I skimmed thru it and have a question. How could they forget to mention Soros?

    Also loved the mention of how they blew almost all their petty cash traveling to Arizona.

  81. 81.

    debbie

    My skimming abilities are failing me, or not. Right under the “Join” button, I read “We fight with penises.” That might be their real problem.

  83. 83.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Jon H #74: By the surly beard of Mrifk, SiubhanDuinne kneels to no man!

  84. 84.

    Corner Stone

    @Nylund:

    Is his entire list of possible actions limited to the features of an out-of-date copy of Microsoft Office? What’s next after the Fax Blasts? Mailing Excel spreadsheets?

    Credenzas my friend. Blessed Michael Gass has shown them the way.

  85. 85.

    Corner Stone

    @debbie:

    I didn’t grow up on a farm, so I don’t understand the specificity of the rear tit. Is it because that’s the only tit connected to obese booty, or if the cow turns to the East, the tit will then point to Russia?

    I’ve never understood the disdain for the tits.
    “Tits up” “Hind tit” “Rear tit”.

    Why such animosity?

  87. 87.

    DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective

    As one who has had occasion to see firsthand what a daily flood of rightwing snailmail looks like, all I can say is, this is pretty boilerplate righty junk mail.

    Literally tons of this material are delivered to mailboxes coast to coast every single day. A ginormous propaganda machine pumps it out around the clock. If you think I am exaggerating, just start signing up for a few of those rightwing mailers and newsletters and wait about 90 days for your address to propagate out into the various databases.

    You will be getting 200-300 pieces of mail a month before the end of the year.

  88. 88.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @mistermix #12
    @West of the Cascades #60

    Az alwuz, iz beter in LOLCat.

    Jeremiah 29:11: “I haz planz for u,” sez lord. “Planz so u can haz moar cheezburgr, iz good cheezburgr too, so no worry, k?”

    Proverbs 29:11: dum kittehs sez evryfing in dey mindz evun if it stoopid but if kitteh has wizdumz he keep hiz trapz shut till he fink bowt wat to sai (so stfu an not luk so dum k?)

  90. 90.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @licensed to kill time #86:

    Actuallly, “Fax the Credenza” sounds like a “Hike the Appalachian Trail” euphemism.

  91. 91.

    licensed to kill time

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Somehow I hear it sung to the tune of Rock the Casbah:

    Michael Gass he do not like it
    doo doo do doo
    Fax the credenza!
    Fax the credenza!

  93. 93.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    The real fun begins when the Talevangical churches get pissed at the TeaBaggers for horning in on their territory.

    “Back off buddy, those are my credulous, easily frightened rubes!”

    Awesome.

  94. 94.

    tootiredoftheright

    @DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective:

    How do these right wing fliers work as toilet paper or fireplace filler or the stuff you need to pack with boxes? Might be a cost saving measure to just sign up to use the fliers for a higher purpose.

  95. 95.

    bago

    @licensed to kill time: Exactly. As front line warriors in the battle to populate this planet with humans, I think that Mother’s day is inadequate. I believe that they all deserve a mother’s night.

  96. 96.

    tootiredoftheright

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:

    History shows they will not be pissed off. If anything the teabbagers are already on the televaganist mailing lists same with the kkk and other white supremicist mailing lists.

  98. 98.

    Zuzu's Petals

    @DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective:

    When my dad was alive, we subscribed to Vanity Fair at his address just to have something to read when we visited. We used his dog’s name.

    Amazing how much junk mail we’ve gotten addressed to Tofu Jones over the years. In fact, Vanity Fair is still begging him to renew.

  99. 99.

    Corner Stone

    @licensed to kill time: Nay! It weren’t me who chortled with glee. I was in the back, taking a pee.
    Those sort aren’t to be trusted, SiubhanDuinne and her lot should be busted.
    LOL to the end they may try, but I ‘spect we’ll all see them fry.

  100. 100.

    Brent

    Citizen Patriot Victim! Rear tit liberal soshialist dark armies are now pooling acorn booty. Full Stop. We can only Win if they lose All. We are out of petty cash. Stop. Purple monkey dishwasher is getting tired. Stop. Need bananas. 911.

  101. 101.

    Jamie

    They suck at the rear tit of the Global Elite… obese pools of ACORN type booty…

    This is obviously the result of abstinence-only education.

  103. 103.

    jake the snake

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    “obese pools of ACORN type booty”?

    I think they mean that want to get in a hot tub with some
    SSBBBW (Super-Sized Big Beautiful Black Women.

  106. 106.

    Bubblegum Tate

    Their fixation on–and descriptions of–fax blasts is fucking hilarious. “Give us some money and we will blast the shit out of some faxes. They’s gonna be all like, ‘These faxes are crushing my ability to soshulize communisim with my Nazi fat-cat Socialcrat buddies!'”

  107. 107.

    Honus

    @Uloborus: that’s pretty much the way Rush Limbaugh started out. Then he realized people actually believed what he was saying, they invited him on to MTP, and the rest is history.

  109. 109.

    Hunter Gathers

    Purple Monkey Dishwasher greatest threat to freedom.
    Patriots needed to fight Purple Monkey Dishwasher to secure freedom and keep country pure.
    Obama give welfare to Purple Monkey Dishwasher who steal ‘Murican jobs.
    Obama half Muslin/Black/Purple Monkey Dishwasher/Kenyan.
    Donate $29.11 to keep Purple Monkey Dishwasher from dating daughters.
    Proceeds go Palin Legal Defense Fund.
    Palin smash Purple Monkey Dishwasher.
    Palin needed to save country.
    Palin Real ‘Murican.
    Hannity, Limbaugh, Levin, O’Reilly join Palin to defeat Kenyan/Muslin ursurper.
    Purple Monkey Dishwasher hoard ACORN booty.

  110. 110.

    asiangrrlMN

    You guys made my night with this thread. It’s so full of win, it’s bursting at the seams. Much like the obese pools of ACORN booty. And, thank you Corner Stone for reminding me of Michael Gass and his infamous credenza. The…helicopters…were…not…laughing!

  111. 111.

    Wile E. Quixote

    Remember, Dale Robertson is not only the guy who can’t spell the n-word correctly, he’s also the author of this gem.

    Dale Robertson recalls that momentous time…
    __
    “I left home in Texas on February 4th, 2009 and drove all night to Washington D.C., non-stop against my families, friends and wife’s wishes.
    __
    I slept only an hour that night and called my wife as I crossed into each state. The next evening on February 5th, 2009, I was in Washington D.C. on Pennsylvania Avenue protesting, alone and cold.
    __
    The urgency of my protest was due to the befuddled politicians gathering votes on the floor of the Senate and then on the floor of the House of Representatives. Their sightless determination to force an Unconstitutional Stimulus package through the Senate and then the House of Representatives, to me, was a death pill to all I hold dear, and I knew millions of Americans felt the same way.
    __
    In spite of the frigid weather, I stood my post. I was unprepared and improperly dressed to protest in below freezing conditions. I had brought my picnic table and chairs knowing this would not be easy, parking would be difficult, staying alive even harder. Still recovering from extensive knee surgery just 3 months before, I purposed in my heart to make my voice heard. I set-up my table and displays in one location after another across frozen Washington, D.C. holding high the flag for all disenfranchised American Citizens. It was very painful, but I am a Marine and could endure what was required of me by my Oath to Defend the Constitution.
    __
    Each night I would listen to the News and soon the news of my lone stand began to quietly spread through media circles. Glenn Beck heard of this new voice called the Tea Party and added his voice to the growing choir of voices, soon he created the 9/12 idea. My hat is off to him, Glenn Beck is a friend to the cause and a loyal Patriot bearing the weight for millions of those who are yet to speak.

    “Parking would be hard, staying alive even harder”. Please, please, make that a BJ tag. Please John or Doug, please.

    What makes Robertson even more hilarious is how much the wingers hate him. The consensus is that he’s a liberal plant and that the liberal media are too dumb to figure this out or are in on the scheme to discredit the tea party, which of course “…has no leaders because it belongs to we the people.”

  112. 112.

    HarlequinTiefling

    Purple Monkey Dishwasher reminds me of the last episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

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