Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

If you are in line to indict donald trump, stay in line.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.

It’s a doggy dog world.

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

“woke” is the new caravan.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

It could be worse. Vance could have said “post-menopausal sows.” Waiting for that audiotape to surface.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

The willow is too close to the house.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

He really is that stupid.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Washington Post’s Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Every day Vance writes another chapter in the book called “Worst VP Pick Ever”.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickel?”

I really should read my own blog.

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93Comments

  3. 3.

    Cat Lady

    Instead of the MSM, they’re the FMF- Fucking Media FAIL.

    It’s alley, although ally kinda works. also too.

  9. 9.

    Ecks

    And by the time Obama leaves office he’ll have a Hitler mustache and a pointy Lenin beard too. Poor Bobo, how once we knew ye.

    /wingnut physiognomist

  12. 12.

    beltane

    I made the mistake of reading part of Brooks’s column. Why was he wearing FDR campaign buttons on his jacket in high school back in the late 1970’s? It would seem that Bobo’s problem is that he was a doofus, not that he was a liberal Democrat.

  13. 13.

    Cat Lady

    I actually am really looking forward to the Times’ Seelye correction – the Alessandra Stanley correction of Cronkite’s obit was almost as long as the article, and a coda of everything wrong with the media. This should be just as good.

  17. 17.

    jl

    Sorry, I looked up twizzlers. I don’t like that kind of candy, and appears I have been oblivious to its existence for lo these 165 years.

    Except, has something called twizzlers been around that long?

    From the twizzlers history link on the wikipedia entry:

    1977 – Hershey Foods acquires Y&S Candies, Inc.

    1994 – Hershey introduces TWIZZLERS PULL-N-PEEL candy.

    Did something with the brand name ‘twizzler’ exist before 1994? Would the fine old US candy company named Young and Smylie confectionery firm sell something called a twizzler?

    Is this another Brooks Applebee’s salad bar scandal?

  18. 18.

    Lev

    Perhaps he’s just a really intense preparer who is trying to get inside the head of a black columnist with the help of pigment darkening treatments?

    David Brooks, as you know, almost always goes full retard.

  19. 19.

    Jim Newell

    “Sometimes I put on a magical green jacket, by which I mean Bob Herbert’s skin. (I skinned Bob Herbert in ’05.) Is this what it’s like being a black liberal? Gosh! Anyway, I am a witch, burn me.”

  20. 20.

    beltane

    @jl: There used to be a red, licorice-like candy called Twizzlers, but there was nothing pull & peel about it.

  21. 21.

    beltane

    @Jim Newell: Wow, we have an esteemed visitor from Wonkette. Now let us analyze Mr. Brooks’ craving for brown rice during those special times when he thinks like Democrat. Is he admitting that Republicans avoid fiber and are therefore full of shit?

  22. 22.

    jl

    @Keith G: I started working for the Democrats when I was in HS, and all the cool dudes who got the hot chicks and had hot cars who worked for the Democrats showed off their Hubert Humphrey and Birch Bayh buttons.

    I believe Brooks was there, on the ground, in the action.

    Probably, on a voter registration drive, some crazy blue haired lady with an artificial lawn and flowers in the front yard and who thought FDR was a commie explained the virtues of the Burkean viewpoint to him, which started him to thinking.

    (No, actually, I think Brooks is not being honest here. What I remember about working for the Democrats in HS was free pizza, and opportunities to cage some beers, and a few easy school public service credits. Though I had very lofty ideological reasons as well. But I think an honest memoir of one’s HS political activity would cover those points. )

  23. 23.

    JR (not the other JR)

    All Times columnists look alike, anyway.

    (But serious, I feel bad for Herbert.)

  29. 29.

    Jim Newell

    @beltane: Wonkette is a terrorist web site that doesn’t respect its elders, or Trig. I now write for the Nick Denton Daily Etiquette & Manners Webpaper.

    On the matter of David Brooks and brown rice, I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. When he takes off his green dress — because come on, “green Army jacket”? Talk about an oversell — I guess he eats a fuckin’ Xtra-Large popcorn bucket of raw steak and barbiturates and cum.

  30. 30.

    Anya

    @Jim Newell: Jim, I get the feeling that Gawker commenters are too timid for your tast. Of course you are welcome here anytime.

    BTW, I miss your Friday Noonan posts.

  34. 34.

    Citizen_X

    “hunger for brown rice”??? Are his stereotypes about liberals from the 1970s, as well?

  35. 35.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    I get it. FauxSnooze sticks a (D) next to the name of Repub. pols caught with their hands in the Congressional pages. Apparently the next logical step is depicting members of the LIEberul MSM as African-Americans.

    Seriously, at the teeny tiny publishing company I work for, all of the head shots we use are titled with the person’s name so fuck ups like this NEVER EVER HAPPEN.

    @jayjaybear: [Standing O]

    Also2: “This is really more up the NYTPicker’s allEy.”

  36. 36.

    sven

    The new Boeing ad running on Balloon Juice is hilarious. When clicked, it goes directly to a web page called “Real American Tankers” here:

    http://realamericantankers.com/splashpage.html

    Wow, who knew Boeing inflight refueling systems were so awesome!?!

    And that Airbus bid is obviously evil; why does god even allow Airbus to exist?

    Front groups are truly amazing…
    truly, truly, truly amaaazing!

  40. 40.

    FormerSwingVoter

    Off-Topic:

    An honest, if strange, question for you guys.

    I’ve been doing a lot of research in politics and economics lately, and as I was playing with numbers, I think I might have accidentally created a very messy policy brief that I think has a lot of potential.

    …and I kinda feel like its too good to just sit on.

    …What now? I mean, is there any way to get something thrown together by just some regular citizen actually noticed by anyone of importance?

  44. 44.

    GregB

    This explains why Bizarro Brooks was complaining about the fact that there was not any mother fucking iced tea at the KFC salad bar.

  45. 45.

    jrg

    hunger for brown rice

    Ha, ha, ha… *rubs eyes* A trillion dollar war, a doubled debt, a country that tortures, and this shit still never gets old.

    If you lived through the ’60s, you don’t really need to pay attention to anything that’s happened in the past 20 fucking years. Plus, hippies and fags are teh stoopid.

  46. 46.

    Mark S.

    Shorter Bobo:

    What if Democrats thought exactly like I do. They would be unbeatable!

    Here’s Bobo’s idea of a radical plan: “tax simplification, entitlement reform, a new wave of regional innovation clusters [whatever those are], a new wave of marriage-friendly tax policies.” Woo-hoo.

  49. 49.

    Scott P.

    Did something with the brand name ‘twizzler’ exist before 1994?

    Twizzlers are a brand of red licorice which has been around for at least 40 years.

  50. 50.

    AnotherBruce

    So, Bobo puts on his magic green jacket and feels a hunger for brown rice?

    I think he would’ve benefitted more if someone had forced about 500 micrograms down his goddamn throat and played Pink Floyd’s Ummagumma repeatedly while pasting the walls with pictures from the My Lai massacre, and ripping his still beating heart out of his chest.

    But maybe that’s just me.

  54. 54.

    Mnemosyne

    You know, I blame the hippies for giving brown rice such a bad reputation. Cooked properly (as in, until it’s soft, not crunchy) it’s actually much tastier than white rice.

    (Tried to figure out where to work in a reference to this hippie, but I couldn’t, so here he is by himself.

  56. 56.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Mark S.: My sense of the associations of brown rice isn’t really hippie-pothead but hippie-parent. No Wonder bread, whole wheat; no white rice, brown. It’s more natural, you dig? And, like giving your baby a funky name, it’s something your own parents wouldn’t do.

  57. 57.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Mnemosyne:

    Cooked properly (as in, until it’s soft, not crunchy) it’s actually much tastier than white rice.

    Too bad it takes, like, an hour and a half.

  58. 58.

    KG

    @roshan: I didn’t think it was possible, but someone actually went and built a motorcycle that makes it more difficult for you to get laid.

  59. 59.

    roshan

    @KG:
    What is this “laid” thing you talk about?

    Also, if only Bobo’s mother had been this caring then maybe he wouldn’t have had turned into a narcissistic asshole that he is.

  61. 61.

    KG

    just turned on the Daily Show. Stewart looks like he’s switched places with his evil twin from the Star Trek Mirror Universe.

  62. 62.

    FlipYrWhig

    @Mnemosyne: Call me ignorant, but I’ve never known: does a rice cooker actually cook rice _faster_? Or does it just keep a burner free?

  63. 63.

    Yutsano

    @Mnemosyne: Me want. Me also moving soon so haz to watch the toy buying for now.

    Oh and apparently the Times has forgotten that fame is fleeting but the Internet is forever.

  64. 64.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Mnemosyne: You will take my white rice from me when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. I LOVE white rice, and yes, I have had properly cooked brown rice. White rice is the only processed food I will not refudiate. In that, I am strictly conservative.

    @arguingwithsignposts: Lordy, but Lady Smudge is gawjus!

    @Yutsano: Hi, hon. You home?

    P.S. Poor Bob Hebert–must be mortifying to be so maligned.

  67. 67.

    Mnemosyne

    @FlipYrWhig:

    It cooks a bit faster, because the heat stays steady the whole time. But really it’s more that it cooks right with very little effort on your part.

    @Yutsano:

    I’m trying to save up for an iPad, but it’s hard with so many other toys calling me. :-(

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I’ve probably had more badly cooked white rice than badly cooked brown rice, so maybe that has something to do with it. Either that, or I really like my rice sticky, because my favorite white rice is that Japanese sticky rice.

    Sadly, I can’t be on the night crew tonight — the guy from the gas company could be here as early as 7 am to try and figure out why our gas bill doubled in the middle of summer for no apparent reason, so I actually have to get my butt up out of bed when my alarm goes off at 6:30 to try and get showered before he (theoretically) shows up.

    I am under orders to take an antihistamine before I come to bed because apparently I kept poor G awake all night with my snoring last night. Normally, I don’t snore, but apparently watching “Double Indemnity” on an outdoor screen in the park did a number on my sinuses.

  68. 68.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Mnemosyne: OOOOOh, sticky rice! YUM! I second the rice cooker. Perfect rice every time. Sucks you have to get up so early. Night!

    P.S. I was raised on white rice, so there are those associations for me. I could use chopsticks before I could use a fork (or so I like to pretend).

  69. 69.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Mmm…calrose is some good shtuff, although I’m partial to the fragrant Thai/Indian rices like basmati and jasmine. In fact I indulged myself and bought a five pound bag. I’m still munching on that. Plus I have lots of arborio, which is why I don’t call rice cookers cheating per se. Of course I bake my risotto so there you go.

  71. 71.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: I’m a touch on the hungry side myself. I gots cereal upstairs I suppose I could go get whenever I feel the impulse/motivation to go get it. Not really feeling that vibe as of yet.

    BTW we need to get on FH #1. Methinks his current profession is gonna kill him.

  73. 73.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: And suddenly my brain goes flat. Someone asked me what I was going to do when I’m no longer employed on Friday, they all thought I was going to party, I said I was going to SLEEP. And I am.

    I just realized I don’t own a waffle iron. And I’m on a toy moratorium until after the move. Cwap.

  74. 74.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: OK, this comment made me chuckle for reasons I do not know. Sleep sounds good to me. Is the moratorium self-induced? If so, it can just as easily be lifted. I’m just sayin’.

  75. 75.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: It is self-inflicted, partially so I don’t have even more stuff to move than I do now and partially to economize until I have a better concept of what my household budget will be. Once I’m settled in things will start coming my way. And I mean that literally.

  77. 77.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Does this mean I can haz two scoops of ice cream for dessert? Actually I’m a Navy brat, you learn how to keep the stuff to a minimum and to pack it quickly. The less work you have to do to get from point A to point B is a net positive.

  79. 79.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: YARD SALE!! Actually it could serve a dual purpose: it could de-clutter your household AND you could give the proceeds to your local no-kill. Or buy the boys a really nice cat condo or something. There are many different possibilities there.

    Oh and just because you can never have enough cowbell and go-go dancers.

  80. 80.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Is it sad that I knew which vid you were posting before I clicked the link? Love that song. Where’s Steepman?

    Yard sale would mean interacting with my neighbors. That is a no-go.

  81. 81.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Because truth be told I wasn’t being that subtle about it. Plus I figure it could use some more exposure in the world.

    I think there are companies that will sell your stuff yard sale like for a percentage of the total sales. If not maybe there should be.

  85. 85.

    Anne Laurie

    @asiangrrlMN: Around here, the public libraries are happy to accept books (DVDs, CDs) because they hold their own ‘yard sales’ once or twice a year, with the proceeds going towards stuff it’s hard to get taxpayers to fund (like graphic novels or computer games).

    And some of the local cat rescue groups also collect stuff for big annual yard sales. Some of them can give you a tax receipt, some can’t, but at least you know your unwanted kipple will go a little way towards making the world a better place.

    I’m sure Minnesota Nice has equivalent programs, once you get enough round tuit…

  86. 86.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Anne Laurie: I do know of one rescue that does a yearly book sale. And, yes, the libraries mayhaps take some, too. I’m talking about dumping hundreds of books. Ideally, I would find someone who would take them in bulk.

  87. 87.

    Michael

    @beltane:

    There used to be a red, licorice-like candy called Twizzlers, but there was nothing pull & peel about it.

    There is nothing licorice-like about red twizzlers except the form. They’re full of ersatz fruity goodness, not mock anise flavor.

    I’m shoving 50 and still love the things.

  88. 88.

    David in NY

    So many people are “lifelong Democrats” until they find out who’s got the money.

  89. 89.

    Svensker

    @AnotherBruce:

    So, Bobo puts on his magic green jacket and feels a hunger for brown rice?

    I’m reading this and looking at Bob Herbert’s photo and thinking, “WTF? Herbert has gone insane! What’s wrong with him? ” And then I see the byline and realize that it’s just David Brooks being a ijit again.

    The guy must have been a major dork as a teen.

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