This is too funny- the nutters are all worked up about Sears allegedly selling pr0n:
I felt sort of cheated, because I was just on the Sears website the other day looking at ovens and I didn’t see any porn. So I clicked the AFA link, which took me to this alert:
ears is content to sell pornography. And, if you are offended, they don’t seem to care!
We tried. In fact, we tried more than a half-dozen times to reach out to Sears quietly and professionally. Sears’ public relations department has refused to return our calls and emails.
Sears is currently offering giant posters of total nud**y on its website. Sears knows they are selling smut. Technology allows Sears to remove and stop selling these posters within minutes, so why won’t they?
I hope you will take my word for it, but if you must see the proof, click here. Warning: the posters are extremely graphic and offensive, although they have been edited by us.
For christ sakes, AFA, where is the damned porn? I need proof. So I clicked the link. And it took me to this:
At this point, I’m on the edge of my seat. The AFA has me completely seduced, and I’m ready to have my doors blown off by some really hardcore stuff. So once again, I click the link for proof:
Are you shitting m? How many links do I have to click? My second warning? I’ve been a naughty boy, AFA. Gimme the Pr0n:
At this point I’m starting to think they are just teasing me… but then I scrolled down and found the goods:
That’s it, AFA?
Wingnuts…
Redshirt
God created us in His Image; the problem is, he hates his body, especially nude. Hence, also!
JWL
Lenny (or maybe it was Carl) to Homer Simpson: “What’s the matter, Homer? Ain’t you ever seen a naked chick standing in a sea shell before”?
jacy
It’s amazing those people ever manage to procreate, considering how fucking traumatizing it is for them to even admit they have naughty bits.
Martin
Ah, I see the problem. They’re nude women. AFA isn’t down with that.
Chad S
Organizations will do anything to justify their own existence.
Jay in Oregon
That page will probably have the highest traffic of anything the AFA has ever posted on their site.
Just sayin’.
SpotWeld
… I’ll just file this under “people unclear on the concept”
stuckinred
And in other retail news, Target cried uncle!
Redshirt
@jacy: Hence their complete bafflement that other people might enjoy sex – they cannot even conceive of it. Except with other repressed Fundamentalists, of course. Then its freaky time!
me
All that is proof of is the AFA has an SI swimsuit issue, a scanner and a lot of petulance.
Eric U.
that is pretty racy for Sears. I’m thinking this comes through their evil overlords at KMart
Crashman
Is this a typo or can they literally not bring themselves to spell the word nudity? I didn’t know it was possible to be that uptight.
Tom Hilton
When I was a little kid, the lingerie section of the Sears catalog was all the pr0n I could get.
roshan
So on what aisles are these located?
elmo
Has anybody looked at the pic of the AFA president over on the right? With a mustache like that, no wonder all he can think of is porn. Ye gods, what a wanker.
NR
Sears? That’s about as low as you can get.
eemom
OT, but it’s so seldom I get to predict the future.
Big ole firebagger storm a-brewin’ over the WH reaction to the Prop 8 decision.
General Stuck
I just bought a Table Saw from Sears that should arrive for pick up tomorrow. It may seem weird, but whenever I buy any new tool, sometimes it moves, a little. When I bought my Dewalt power drill it was embarrassing, I couldn’t walk fully upright into the store to pick it up. When the sales lady asked what was wrong, I lied that I had a touch of lumbago. I think she knew, it was that obvious. And later, my first drilled hole, nearly made me pass out from ecstasy.
And even now, the coming event of owning my very first Table Saw and the anticipation of ripping my own logs sends a tingle that must be like starbursts.
Them pics ain’t porn, not really.
Xero
I bet many of the afa’s members are studying these posters intently. They probably even ordered some so they could examine them closer. Just to be sure, you know.
Jay in Oregon
@Crashman:
They’re just trying to get through spam filters…
NonyNony
@Crashman:
Worse than that – later in the same page they have this one:
They can type the word “lesbians” but the word “sex” is too filthy to type. Which in and of itself is probably a commentary of some kind.
Sad and sick. I’m all for everyone having their own perversions but do they really need to force their perverted attitudes towards sex (sorry, I mean “***”) on everyone else?
(And let me just add – “very little is left to the imagination?” Really Tim Wildmon? Really?)
Asshole
@stuckinred:
Best Buy donated $100,000 to those shitheads too. Best part is, they did it AFTER Target started coming under fire for it.
bemused
@elmo:
It’s shallow but I was just laughing at the same thing. His last name, Wildmon, made me laugh even more.
stuckinred
@General Stuck: Logs with a table saw???
fluckebucket
I must admit I do prefer those to theWalmart porn that was taken from the shelves over in Alabama.
malraux
What I find amazing is that someone was able to use the Sears website to find anything.
Punchy
OT:
Cole, YO FOOTYBAL TEEM iz in sum trubl3.
whocoodanode that Dick Roddy was such a sleazy two-bit clown?
Erik
Chalk me up as one more who is legitimately astonished that there exist people unwilling to type “sex” or, FFS, “nude”. Honest-to-god jaw-dropping.
wes g
maybe it’s an elaborate scheme to get more clicks on the website?
stuckinred
@malraux: Ding! Try to find parts there!
R-Jud
@NonyNony:
I have an evangelical cousin who spells it “secks”. Because x is Satan’s consonant, you know.
jacy
@NonyNony:
Really, shouldn’t he be Tim ****mon? I mean, better to be safe and not inadvertantly ***ilate his followers. Or falsely advertise his mon.
jl
But the money shot payoff does not show pics of total nud**y.
So, AFA emits lies, which is a sin, so they are hell bound, fer sher.
AFA is a tool of Satan, fer bald face lyin’, fer cash.
Hope they keep it up. Only the somehow or other mentally impaired will send AFA any money any more.
Bubblegum Tate
@Crashman:
The rod up the AFA’s butt must havea rod up its butt.
licensed to kill time
Scam-o-rammin’ for clicks, I say. Keep clicking to see those nasty lesbos! Really! We mean it! No, really! Are too!
Suckers.born.again.
General Stuck
@stuckinred: Very small logs, like 2 or 3 inches in diameter Aspen to get small boards for making picture frames, it had better work or I will haz a sad.
Rosalita
@stuckinred:
Why not? I need a cigarette after I see and hear an Aston Martin or similarly equipped engine…
Allan
Most AFA subscribers were so excited that they came from reading Tim Wildmon’s email. Only 5% of them made it all the way to the naked ladies before ejaculation.
And half who made it that far lost their boners when the naked pictures turned out to be girls.
Face
This coming from a AFA Pres who’s moustache is the very definition of “creepy porn ‘stache”?
Whatever’s going on in that lower left corner picture, I want in. In a baaaaaaaaad way.
MattR
OT – Not fully paying attention to the blog today, but did not see anyone else mention that Kagan was confirmed 63-37
Corner Stone
For some reason I have the oddest compulsion to go buy some Craftsman screwdrivers.
stuckinred
@General Stuck: Gotcha!
twiffer
i have to admit, i was really expecting the big reveal to be this
Corner Stone
@MattR: I can’t believe they didn’t confirm her 69 – 31.
Would’ve been more appropriate for a lesbian.
handy
@MattR:
63 votes, that’s quite a bit of turncoat RINOs in that group. I’m sure the base is sufficiently seething. I’ll have to tune into Mark Levin today on the drive home to get a good gauge of the extent of this atrocity.
Corner Stone
@twiffer: Or the statue with the boobies that Ashcroft had covered.
MattR
@Corner Stone: @handy: From the GOS
NonyNony
@handy:
Republicans voting yes: Collins, Graham, Gregg, Lugar, and Snowe.
Democrats voting no: Ben Nelson.
ETA: Scooped!
Martin
@General Stuck: I still remember the day Amazon dropped off my 52″ Powermatic table saw. It was as if I had a 3rd child born that day.
Use it well. Stay safe. I still have a small dent in the hood of my wife’s car from when a board was kicked and shot out the garage and down the driveway. We decided to keep the dent as a safety reminder. It works.
Two immediate thoughts:
1) Grrripper: Very flexible accessory for keeping your fingers away from the blade when working with small boards. Get one, don’t be shy of getting a 2nd if you find you use it a lot.
2) For jigs, fences, miters, and the like, I LOVE Woodhaven stuff. I have a number of their products and they’re the best.
General Stuck
@MattR: When you have a 58 seat minority, that was a squeaker all right. Almost too close for comfort.
General Stuck
@Martin: I am bookmarking your comment and thanks. I would like to keep all my fingers and not injure passers by since I’ve never used one, or at least since a teenager working summer construction.
elm
Where can I wager on the wetsuit to dildo ratio in Wildmon’s closet?
Martin
@General Stuck: I’m happy to answer any questions. I’m not a contractor, but I’ve had the saw for 8 years, built cabinets, remodeled a kitchen and 2 bathrooms, built furniture – lots of fiddly things. Replacing half my fences and building a new shed in a few weeks. I’m teaching my son (12) to use it, so it’s good for me to force these thoughts to the front of my brain.
handy
@NonyNony:
Throw the bums out all of them!
This guy is less than useless.
twiffer
@Corner Stone: yep. i knew it wasn’t going to be real porn though, cause otherwise the post title would have been “come see the harder side of sears”.
Tsulagi
@Rosalita:
Well then you might really light up after seeing my full 12” slider capable of multiple angles of entry. When I pull the trigger on that thing you know it.
Ruckus
@jacy:
A friend back in the 60’s said that these were the kind of people who only had married sex in the dark, wearing 2 pairs of pajamas, each, and 2 condoms so there would be no chance that they might see something they weren’t supposed to.
kdaug
@General Stuck: You can also go old-school and build a fingerboard and a pushstick. First things I made when I got my saw.
Redshirt
This reminds me of an old, forgotten pleasure: Reading the reviews of Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes on some Fundy website – they would go into minute detail about the graphic violence, sex, witchcraft etc. I always pictured their teams of reviewers pouring over these shows and wondered if they also lied to themselves about not enjoying it.
Probably.
Phoenician in a time of Romans
But the money shot payoff does not show pics of total nud**y.
It’s like when you you’re dating as a teen – it’s always the loudest Christians that are the biggest cockteasers. Oh, I’m sorry – c*ckt**s*rs
Rosalita
@Tsulagi:
Multiple angles? You gotta love that…. woohoo
malraux
Are we talking about porn again?
kdaug
Where does this sexual prurience come from, exactly? What was the genesis of the idea that the human body, and it’s form(s), are something to be ashamed of? That human procreation is “naughty”?
I’ve read that the idea originated with Queen Elizabeth I (along with the rumor about the horses), but does anyone here have a more scholastic etymology of this particular idea?
It would seem counter-productive on it’s face, but it still lives in various religions and cultures. Where does this come from?
Woodrowfan
well, the Sears tool section is like porn to a lot of guys….
Lots of really good looking items that I’d never be able to actually have in a million years…
SB Jules
Which Sears is this? On the Sears website I clicked on & searched for posters, I got this:
http://www.sears.com/shc/s/s_10153_12605_For%20the%20Home_Wall%20Decor_Art?prop17=posters
Basilisc
@Tom Hilton:
Me too. Isn’t it pathetic? Later I discovered the Spiegel catalog was much hotter. And still later, of course, the Sunday NY Times Magazine …
Woodrowfan
@Basilisc:
Especially near Valentines Day with all the lingerie ads??
Ruckus
@kdaug:
Personally I think it comes from the puritans. They didn’t come here to escape religious persecution, they came here to practice it and it still influences our lives to this day.
jl
@SB Jules:
You probably need to search for ‘total nud**y’
Tom Hilton
@Basilisc: I had forgotten about Spiegel–yeah, much hotter indeed.
Kristine
@kdaug
I thought the horse rumors invoved Catherine the Great?
Martin
@Rosalita: Meh. Mine is 52″ long and is as impeccably hard and smooth as cast iron can get – all 220V of it. It can push through willow like soft butter and with the kind of precision only Tsulagi can dream of – and it can do it all day long without slowing down or overheating. And I’ve got cabinets full of accessories, so there’s no limit to the new things that can be done.
Rosalita
@Martin:
gotta light?
Kristine
“If I had a hammer/I’d hammer in the morning/I’d hammer in the evening/all over this la–and.”
Stefan
Meh. Mine is 52” long and is as impeccably hard and smooth as cast iron can get – all 220V of it. It can push through willow like soft butter and with the kind of precision only Tsulagi can dream of – and it can do it all day long without slowing down or overheating. And I’ve got cabinets full of accessories, so there’s no limit to the new things that can be done.
God, is it hot in here or is it just me? I think I need to open a window….
Bubblegum Tate
@Tom Hilton:
[Moe is hooked up to a lie detector that buzzes and flashes a red light whenever he tells a lie]
Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No.
[buzz]
Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn’t shoot him.
[ding]
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You’re free to go.
Moe: Good, ’cause I got a hot date tonight.
[buzz]
Moe: A date.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner with friends.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner alone.
[buzz]
Moe: Watching TV alone.
[buzz]
Moe: All right! I’m going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret catalog.
[buzz]
Moe: Sears catalog.
[ding]
Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
[buzz]
D0n Camillo
The AFA keep using that word. I do not think it means what they think it means.
PonB
I think this poster, from the Sears site, says it all for the AFA:
Fritz the Cat
– PonB
FlipYrWhig
I think the asterisks are there to avoid tripping a spam filter: all declared evidence of “sex” or “nudity” is routed straight to the trash. Not “lesbian,” though, because, um, that’s for further political scrutiny, in the middle of the night.
FlipYrWhig
@kdaug:
The genesis was Genesis.
And not because of Phil Collins’s body.
gnomedad
@SB Jules:
Well, I went through a few pages and found one of the images. Someone at AFA apparently went through a lot of trouble to find all the others. (Does Sears really sell 900,000+ posters?) I’m surprised they didn’t appeal for donations to expand their pr0n-hunting staff.
les
@General Stuck:
You can have much fun with a table saw, fer sher. Somewhere I have a Woodworker Mag. (I think) article on homemade jigs to get a straight first cut on rough lumber/logs, like even birch, also2. If interested I’ll try to dig it up. Sounds to me like you need a planer, too, for such stuff. You’ll have conniptions. Jet makes some great stuff along these lines.
Ash Can
This is dumb as a brick. According to their web site, Sears sells 453,047 posters, so I suppose those featured on this horse’s ass’s site could be among them. I’m sure as hell not going to take the time to look through all of them myself, though — unlike him and his associates, who obviously have absolutely nothing better to do with their sorry-ass, pathetic little lives.
ETA @gnomedad: Exactly.
Corner Stone
@Bubblegum Tate: Is there nothing in this life that The Simpson’s haven’t done first, and/or better?
ruemara
I am very, very disappointed on the quality of this porn. Can I sue the AFA?
FlipYrWhig
@Ash Can: Is Sears just providing an alternative front end to a vendor like AllPosters?
malraux
@gnomedad: What makes the sears site so horrible is that no, Sears does not sell 900,000 posters. They have a bunch affiliate sites, other companies, etc and anything that one of those companies sells gets linked for the site. It pisses me off because now I cannot tell what are sears products (especially sears products available in store) and random crap.
gnomedad
The AFA is performing a valuable public service by publicizing the availability of dirty pictures on mainstream sites not blocked by parental controls.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Reminds me of the lead in to Skinemax, which wasn’t designed to give you a chance to turn away before sight of naughty bits burnt out your eyes as it was to get you on the edge of your seat.
But I’m SURE that’s a coincidence.
(And shouldn’t that be The Soft CORE side of Sears?)
General Stuck
@les:
No doubt. My fantasy and hope is to make small short boards from small logs and cut them to 1/2 inche thickness and three inch wide, which is the TS capacity. I am aware that will be very difficult to do, and have been pondering how to push or pull a log to make that work without buying a planer. If I can get them close to that thickness, then I can sand them with belt sander or grinder, both of which I own. It will be interesting and hopefully possible.
handy
I’m sure Tim Wildman of the AFA was just doing research when he typed “sexy kitties” in teh Google and discovered this offending material sitting on Sears’ website, just like I was merely doing research as an informed citizen when I clicked JC’s link to the AFA’s link to their other link. Of course, I was a little disappointed in the quality of Mr. Wildman’s research as I find it lacks sufficient number of
boobiesdata points to bolster his case against Sears as a purveyor in p**nography.Bubblegum Tate
@Corner Stone:
To the best of my knowledge, no, there is not.
les
@General Stuck:
Oh, I’m sure it’ll be interesting, possible and fun. Of course, this way lies addiction; I still predict a planer in your future. It’ll make doing the corners with the mitering jig on the table saw smoother too. Oh yeah, multiply like rabbits, your “need” for tools will.
Kobie
Ben Nelson needs to go ahead and just switch party affiliation already. What a fucking jackass.
Citizen Alan
Actually, that’s pretty risque for Sears. I was expecting matronly women in girdles and granny-panties.
Tsulagi
@Martin:
Cast iron? Sounds more like an anchor than a saw. Some like a 60’s Cadillac tank, some prefer a Porsche Turbo.
In addition to my slider, I luvs my Bosch 10 incher on wheels. You can quickly move it to where the action is and get ‘er done. And don’t even talk to me about my variable speed plunge router. I’m skilled at varying the speed and depth for maximum effect.
But while size definitely matters, it still always comes down to how well you use it. My wood is art. Even it wants a cigarette when I’m done.
asiangrrlMN
You know, I learned a lot about teh g** se* from a website purportedly claiming to be patrolling the g** intert***es for awful pix of teh g** se*. Apparently, he spent hours a day trolling h*m*ero*** sites and posted the more graphic pix on his own site.
Methinks they doth protest too much. And, as for imagination, I can think of more creative situations than those while half-asleep.
By the way, y’all are vaguely turning me on by your talk of tools, and I am no handywoman, indeed. Good job!
The Other Chuck
Wildmon’s mustache is what we call a “pedo-stache”. A proper porn-stache should droop. Glasses ruin the effect, unless they’re shades, which enhance it.
SiubhanDuinne
@Erik #28:
Don’t talk about sex in front of the C-H-I-L-D.
SiubhanDuinne
@thread: Everyone here is going to h-e-double hockey sticks.
Bubblegum Tate
@SiubhanDuinne:
“Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!”
moe99
@SB Jules: OMG, you mean those folks could be LYING?
I’m shocked, shocked I tell you.
Sheila
The last time I was at Sear’s, a few months ago, to buy a mattress and box springs during a big sale, my husband and I were the only people in the store on a Friday evening. When we walked in, near the stoves, we saw what looked like a dead cat on one of the appliances. On moving closer, we discovered it was a stuffed animal lying in a floppy position on top of a stove. As we were leaving the store, we found a naked baby doll near the rear wheel of our car, it’s face soiled and a strange expression on its face as if set in a perpetual horrified scream. Porn has many faces.
tkogrumpy
@General Stuck: sounds like a recipe for losing fingers. Don’t ask me how I know.