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T R E 4 5 O N

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Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

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You are here: Home / Brock Landers Tickle fighting while listening to Kelly Clarkson

Brock Landers Tickle fighting while listening to Kelly Clarkson

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Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but this made me laugh (via GOS):

After initially denying the allegations, Arizona House candidate Ben Quayle (R), son of former vice president Dan Quayle, admitted on Tuesday that he used to post comments on a Web site called “Dirty Scottsdale” several years ago, Politico reports.

The site’s founder, Hooman Karamian, alleged in a Monday post on TheDirty that Quayle was “one of the original contributors” to the site, which featured sexy photos of women and “chronicled the city’s clubs and nightlife and [was] the predecessor to the popular gossip website TheDirty.com.”

Karamian said Quayle posted under the name “Brock Landers,” an apparent reference to the fictional sidekick to porn star Dirk Diggler in the film “Boogie Nights.” Quayle had a featured section on the site, Karamian said, called “Brock’s Chick,” in which he sought to “find the hottest chick in Scottsdale.” He added that “Without Ben, there would be no TheDirty.com.” Quayle acknowledged Tuesday that he did contribute to the site in an interview with Phoenix’s 12 News.

Update. So much win, where, by “win”, I’m not quite sure what I mean, but I’m loving reading this idiot’s soft-core rhapsodies:

I imagine us sitting around debating the modern implications of Sun Tzu’s teachings in “The Art of War,” except replace the first part of this sentence with “tickle fighting while listening to Kelly Clarkson” and you get a gist of the message I’m trying to convey.

Reader Interactions

72Comments

  1. 1.

    Chad S

    I have a feeling that there’s a lot of illegitimate children of mexican hookers in Scottsdale with Quayle Dna…

  2. 2.

    Honus

    I just got home after a long day and read that and wondered “Is this real or is someone just fooling with my internets tubes?” Of course the article I read didn’t explain the significance of the name Brock Landers but it was somehow stuck in my memory banks, which made it all the more surreal.

  3. 3.

    Ajay

    This is the norm with conservatives. Thats why they come up with fringe actions like “Obama is the worst president”/Ground Zero Mosque etc. Only thing they have is to throw dirt at others and hope no one ever questions what will they do to solve any problem, especially attributed to their own actions.

  5. 5.

    Craig

    Honestly, I give him this much credit – I wouldn’t have thought the guy who cut the “worst President in history” ad would have enough of a sense of humor to write “tickle fighting while listening to Kelly Clarkson”. That’s pretty good, really.

  6. 6.

    Jay in Oregon

    His taste in women is… interesting. But I guess when you write for a website called DirtyScottsdale, you’re not looking for the mom-and-apple-pie type.

  8. 8.

    Honus

    Forgive the cut and paste but the AP article is just too bizarre to miss:

    PHOENIX (AP) – The son of former Vice President Dan Quayle unveiled a TV campaign ad Wednesday in his bid for Congress in which he calls President Barack Obama “the worst president in history” and tells Arizona voters that he wants to “knock the hell” out of Washington.
    Ben Quayle’s provocative ad, aimed at voters in Arizona’s 3rd Congressional District ahead of the Aug. 24 GOP primary, was released amid allegations that he posted items under an alias for a racy social website a few years ago.
    In the campaign ad, the 33-year-old Quayle faces the camera directly and begins by saying, “Barack Obama is the worst president in history.” Quayle’s generation will “inherit a weakened country,” he says.
    He goes on to implore voters to send him to Congress: “I love Arizona. I was raised right. Somebody has to go to Washington and knock the hell out of the place.”
    __
    The ad was to begin airing Wednesday on Phoenix-area TV stations, and was posted on the Internet. Quayle’s campaign would not reveal the amount of the ad buy.
    Quayle, who is a lawyer and managing director of a Scottsdale, Ariz., investment firm, has never held elected office. But he has emerged as the top fundraiser in the crowded field of 10, and profits from name recognition that comes with being the son of Dan Quayle, the former Indiana senator and vice president under George H.W. Bush.
    Recent controversy over the racy website, which was aimed at detailing Scottsdale’s nightlife, has livened up the race, with Quayle’s campaign this week calling allegations that he once was heavily involved in the site a “smear of the sort that has been trafficked by several of the candidates in this campaign for months.” The campaign suggested the allegations, first reported by Politico, might have come from a publicist for one of Quayle’s competitors.
    Quayle has admitted that he knew the site’s founder, Nik Richie, and once referred him to a lawyer. When asked Tuesday whether he wrote for Richie’s site, Quayle told The Associated Press that he “wrote a couple of satirical and fictional pieces for a satirical website” but that he quit doing so once the website shifted its editorial direction away from satire.
    Quayle said he couldn’t recall what his posts involved or when he made them.
    Richie said Quayle contributed items in 2007 under the alias “Brock Landers.”
    “He was the guy, that you know, people would send pictures to of hot chicks, and he would put together who he thought was that hottest girl and why,” said Richie, whose legal name is Hooman Karamian.
    Quayle hopes to replace retiring Republican Rep. John Shadegg in the GOP-leaning district that covers parts of Phoenix and Scottsdale and some rural areas to the north.

  14. 14.

    JWL

    Murphy Brown was a prude in comparison to these clowns.

    From the 1995 Vanity Fair profile [of Newt Gingrich]:

    In the spring of 1977, [Anne Manning, who admitted to a relationship with Gingrich that started during his 1976 campaign] was in Washington to attend a census-bureaus workshop when Gingrich took her to dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant. He met her back at her modest hotel room. “We had oral sex,” she says. “He prefers that modus operandi because then he can say, “I never slept with her.” Indeed, before Gingrich left that evening, she says, he threatened her: “If you ever tell anybody about this, I’ll say you’re lying.”

  18. 18.

    Stuck in the Funhouse

    From kidnapping nubile college girls for worship to the “Aqua Buddha” to The Art of War to tickle fighting to Kelly Clarkson music. Then there’s Diaper Rash Dave.

    Where do we find such men?

  21. 21.

    RareSanity

    Being that he is a Republican, this actually makes me view him in a more positive light…no wetsuits, dildos, bathroom stalls or young male interns involved. AND he admitted to it!

    Welcome to the Republican induced bizzaro world.

  26. 26.

    JGabriel

    Doug, dude, you missed the best part of that Kelly Clarkson quote, the sentence immediately preceding it: “I think she looks smart.”

    This is a guy who, when he thinks “smart”, thinks: Sun Tzu and Kelly Clarkson.

    The mind boggles.

    .

  27. 27.

    JCT

    Hah, and apparently Quayle ticked his old pal Karamian off big-time with his initial denials. I’m sure more dirt is forthcoming.

    OK, try to avoid any more posts discussing Newt Gingrich and blowjobs. Just say no.

  28. 28.

    freelancer (itouch)

    Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to introduce the 48th president of the United States of America, Benjamin Quayle! And now VP Dwayne Elizondo Herbert Mountain Dew Comancho!

  29. 29.

    Violet

    Kelly Clarkson doesn’t make the kind of music I’d guess would be used for tickle fights:

    Because of you
    I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
    Because of you
    I am afraid

    I guess he’s into that angsty girl music.

  30. 30.

    Cain

    @JWL:

    Gosh, how can you have any kind of romantic feelings for such an ass? Really.. I just don’t understand the motivations of people who engage in relationships with people who don’t deserve any attention at all.

    cain

  31. 31.

    JGabriel

    Cain:

    I just don’t understand the motivations of people who engage in relationships with people who don’t deserve any attention at all.

    Gingrich deserves the attention … of the proper authorities.

    .

  33. 33.

    Xanthippas

    After initially denying the allegations, Arizona House candidate Ben Quayle®, son of former vice president Dan Quayle, admitted on Tuesday that he used to post comments on a Web site called “Dirty Scottsdale” several years ago, Politico reports.

    If this sort of thing disqualifies us from…well, being important political people, then we’re all in trouble. I don’t even know how many seedy websites I’ve left comments on.

  35. 35.

    Andre

    @Xanthippas:

    If this sort of thing disqualifies us from…well, being important political people, then we’re all in trouble. I don’t even know how many seedy websites I’ve left comments on.

    Yep, in twenty years time we’ll either have gotten over all this, or the only people who will ever be elected will be people without internet access from birth.

  36. 36.

    Peter

    Just to be clear, though, Dirk Diggler was Marky Mark’s character’s screen name. Brock Landers was Dirk Diggler’s character’s name in the movie within the movie. Chest Rockwell, John C. Reilly’s nested double-meta pseudonym, was Brock’s partner.

    I bet QuayleDude knows this, too, since I’m pretty sure he’s an AquaBuddhist.

  37. 37.

    Nathan

    From the makers of the Dirty Sanchez…

    The Dirty Scottsdale.

    “It’s not just mud getting thrown this election season!”

    Ew.

  38. 38.

    suzanne

    Just so y’all have some context, those clubs in Scottsdale have gotten uber-trashy in recent years. I swear, over half of them have stripper poles and sex swings in them now. Though, as someone who partakes in nightlife in PHX, I’ll admit that TheDirty has provided me more hours of amusement than I should feel comfortable admitting.

    AND I’VE NEVER BEEN ON IT. To my knowledge.

  39. 39.

    KG

    @Xanthippas: he wasn’t just a commenter, he was a writer. The smart thing for him to do is just say, “yeah, fuck it, that was me, next question.” Unfortunately, the GOP is so beholden to social conservative fuckwits, he’s not going to be able to do that.

  40. 40.

    KG

    @suzanne: wish I would have known about TheDirty a few years ago when I was spending time in the phx… I swear I spent a week there one afternoon.

  41. 41.

    cmorenc

    @DougJ

    So much win

    Did anyone else follow the above link to “Brock” aka Ben Quayle’s post at “Dirty Scottsdale” and notice what Ben’s concept of “hot women” (judging by the women’s pictures he posted evaluating their relative hotness) – is uncannily similar to the type of women Tiger Woods typically sought for sexual conquest (except in Ben’s case, a bit cheesier looking with excessive makeup) ?

  42. 42.

    Anne Laurie

    @Honus: The secret to keeping your blockquote intact is to use two underscores __ after each paragraph break. Because, according to FYWP, shut up that’s why. (I took the liberty of adding the underscores to your earlier comment.)

  43. 43.

    matt

    Matt Bai, in his beat sweetener about Rep. Ryan:

    Let’s leave aside for now the debate over the viability of the road map, which, as a practical matter, doesn’t stand a chance of being enacted as is, anyway.

    No, let’s not.

  44. 44.

    suzanne

    @cmorenc:

    a bit cheesier looking with excessive makeup

    Ahhh, Scottsdale.

    My husband’s younger brother came out to visit us last year from Arkansas, and as we were driving around, his mouth would periodically drop open. I’d look over at whomever he was staring at, and invariably see bleach blond hair, huge sunglasses, fake tits, and tanorexia. He wants to move out here and live with us. I told my husband I’ll have to work on raising his brother’s standards in women.

  45. 45.

    Anne Laurie

    Good post, DougJ — I actually thought about linking to this putz’s Big! Manly! Threatening! political ad under a “Brooks Brothers Riot 2: First As Tragedy, Then As Farce” header, but yours is just better.

    Although you really should’ve used the “Massa Massage” tag…

  47. 47.

    Something Fabulous

    And wouldn’t replacing the first part of this sentence:

    I imagine us sitting around debating the modern implications of Sun Tzu’s teachings in “The Art of War,” except replace the first part of this sentence with “tickle fighting while listening to Kelly Clarkson” and you get a gist of the message I’m trying to convey.

    render it:

    Tickle fighting while listening to Kelly Clarkson, the modern implications of Sun Tzu’s teachings in “The Art of War.”

    Is that really what he was trying to convey? Illuminating!

    Kelly Clarkson: Books on Tape!

  48. 48.

    MJ

    @JCT:

    You’re right. That dude is totally is out to punish Quayle for initially denying the connection. Check out the following quote on that guy’s Twitter page.

    “Just be honest bro @bquayle. Ben Quayle is Brock Landers. Remember when you said to use a picture of Magnum PI as your profile?”

    +1 for the Magnum PI reference!

  49. 49.

    Violet

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Plastic. The word you’re looking for is plastic. As in Barbie. As in surgery. As in boring. Yawn.

    Yep. And they all seem to be famewhores. They can’t get enough of the camera. Double yawn.

  51. 51.

    JGabriel

    @Xanthippas:

    If this sort of thing disqualifies us from…well, being important political people, then we’re all in trouble.

    Xanthippas, you realize the site on which you’re posting that observation is also the home of “skull-fuck a kitten“?

    No one who posts at this site will survive an opp. research review.

    .

  57. 57.

    Citizen_X

    Jeebus. This is what sticks out to me from his post:

    The Arizona legislature recently passed a bill that forbids me and this young lady from being an item because we’re too good looking…If we were to be seen together, our level of attractiveness would be a combined 142–and that’s on a scale of 1-to-5.

    Really, “Brock?” Because I would be thinking more along the lines of “Huh. Hot chicks with douchebags.”

  59. 59.

    YellowJournalism

    @Yutsano:

    Not unless Alan Rickman was involved.

    Because you can never get enough Rickman, this had to be posted again. I always feel bad watching “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” because I wonder why the hell Marion was upset with marrying the Sheriff.
    Rickman > Costner

    Speaking of feeling bad, is it wrong to kind of like Quayle a bit, if merely for the fact that he used the name “Brock Landers”?

    And I swear that Republicans and conservatives would not understand true satire if it gave them a blow job and promised not to tell later.

  60. 60.

    Yutsano

    @YellowJournalism:

    And I swear that Republicans and conservatives would not understand true satire if it gave them a blow job and promised not to tell later.

    I think, unfortunately, this won’t turn him off from the Jeebus crowd. All he has to do is confess his sins and say he’s seen the light plus blame a few more brown folks and they’ll fall right back in wuv with him. We are not dealing with rational actors here.

  61. 61.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Hon, if Alan Rickman is involved, my limits suddenly got a whole lot more flexible. One other way–I think MikeJ is the one who did the pie filter for Chrome. If he would incorporate actual pics of pie from jeffreyw in the filter, well, then I’m a bit more amenable to tickle fights W/O that guy singing.

    @YellowJournalism: Back away from the Alan Rickman and no one gets hurt. Seriously, though, I couldn’t stand that movie–except for Alan Rickman. I started fast-forwarding through any scene that didn’t have him in it. Fave line (to the wenches, and I’m paraphrasing), “You. My bedroom. 10:30 p.m. You. 10:45 p.m.” Pause. “Bring a friend!” Classic.

    @Citizen_X: Curious, I Google Imaged him. I most heartily agree with you. Privileged smarmy asshole, indeed.

  62. 62.

    Cacti

    Whether he’s writing for an adult site, borrowing someone else kids for a “family man” campaign mailer (has none of his own), or being shown to have never voted in a local election in Arizona…

    Ben Quayle is truly a chip off the old Potato(e).

    “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”

    J. Danforth Quayle

    You know, this really might explain a lot.

  63. 63.

    BudP

    Somebody has to go to Washington and knock the hell out of the place.

    … and that somebody better know how to tickle fight.

  64. 64.

    AxelFoley

    @Chad S:

    I have a feeling that there’s a lot of illegitimate children of mexican hookers in Scottsdale with Quayle Dna…

    ROFL

  65. 65.

    drew42

    an apparent reference to the fictional sidekick to porn star Dirk Diggler

    Just for the record, “Brock Landers” was the name of Dirk Diggler’s character in the movie within the movie, not his sidekick. “Chest Rockwell” was the sidekick’s name.

  66. 66.

    russell

    First, I have to say I’m deeply surprised to find that there is nightlife in Scottsdale AZ.

    But more importantly: this guy’s idea of really getting into it is “tickle fighting to Kelly Clarkson”?

    Tickle fighting?

    These guys are going to put the Onion out of business.

  68. 68.

    Svensker

    @MJ:

    I’m not sure this will get through the filter, but you all MUST check out these two local news reports.

    I’m just loving this.

    The thing that’s the most interesting — aside from why the hell would anyone do this and then not realize it was going to get found out — is how Ben Quayle looks. In still photos he’s quite handsome, but in video, his dumbness just shines and he’s not good looking at all anymore. It’s that same “huh?” look that his father had down pat.

  70. 70.

    Comrade Dread

    and you get a gist of the message I’m trying to convey.

    Yes, I do: after you’re elected, we’ll be hearing about your private meetings with strapping male interns involving wet suits.

  71. 71.

    JoePo

    Has no one else seen the campaign ad and immediately thought of Patrick Bateman? All that dead-eyed intensity.

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