Via Jezebel, Lisa Russ has a modest proposal regarding sex education in our schools:
… Despite the fact that Texas ranks third in the rate of teen pregnancies and that its students are more sexually active and that they have more sex partners than the average U.S. student, sex ed here is nearly exclusively devoted to abstinence education, often with a religious bent. Information about contraception, disease prevention and STD testing is most often scarce or, worse, wildly inaccurate.
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Like Texas, many of the same states that resist comprehensive sex ed are the same places that pride themselves on loose laws for gun ownership. Gun-rights advocates maintain that straight-forward education, not regulation and licensing, is the best way to keep kids safe.The National Rifle Association leads the way: they have a cool program called Eddie Eagle… According to the NRA, it doesn’t aim to teach kids that guns are either “good or bad”, but rather how to stay safe when you see one. “Like swimming pools, electrical outlets, matchbooks and household poison, they’re treated simply as a fact of everyday life. With firearms found in about half of all American households, it’s a stance that makes sense.”
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I don’t have a gun in the house, but I can agree with that line of thinking. Like it or not, guns are around, so kids at an early age should learn how to be safe around them.
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Now, genitals, at my last count, are in 100% of households. Why not use the same common sense approach that knowledge is power, and give our kids straight forward, age appropriate information? That is exactly why a new toolkit launched by EMERJ called The New Sex Ed is so important. The New Sex Ed is full of useful community-created and tested strategies to help parents and educators implement useful and effective sex ed programs that are based in real people’s experiences. Given the fight the Right has picked against teaching science, health, and touchy subjects like evolution and global warming, advocates for the truth need great resources like these to support parents, communities and school boards in making informed choices about educating their kids.
Read the whole article for more snark, the second-best weapon (after good information) against ignorance and stupidity .
beltane
My son recently informed me that there are a couple of girls in his class who wear purity rings. I told him to stay far, far away from girls like that as they were not raised to respect their own bodies. It was a simple formula to explain: purity ring=herpes lesions and unplanned pregnancies.
asiangrrlMN
@beltane: Plus, the whole weird vibe of being married, as it were, to one’s father before being married to a husband (Someone once linked to an actual site that had daughters doing exactly that, but I couldn’t read it). And, it’s sad because it’s still pushing the meme that a girl’s worth is in her virginity. Sigh.
I really want to say something snarky and insightful, but this whole topic is just incredibly frustrating and sad to me.
MoeLarryAndJesus
Every time I read about a Texan politician yapping about secession I have the same reaction. PLEASE DO. I think it would improve the US immensely.
beltane
@asiangrrlMN: I am sorry that these girls have been raised to feel they are but pieces of meat that exist to be transferred between father and husband. There used to be a nasty sexist joke that went something like: “A woman is just a life support system for a p***y.” It’s too bad this type of misogyny is counted as a virtue among some people. Yuck.
Mary G
My mom is from Texas, but she got out as soon as she could. O/T, but this cracked me up:
Today in the nursing home, an Episcopal priest came by offering communion; she asked if he knew Diane Warren, the last priest at my dad’s church who got promoted to bishop last year. He said he had heard of her, but Diane is not a “real Christian” because she is gay. He must be from the branch of Episcopalians who broke off the main church.
Mom told him HE was not Christian to say such a thing, he told her she could not have communion and she said she wouldn’t take it from him anyway. She has gone off to see who else she can antagonize now.
Svensker
OMG! Who’s gonna tell Ross Douthat?
debit
You know, when my kids were 12, I sat each of them down and told them there was no point in being coy about it; at some point in the next few years they were going to decide to have sex. When they made that decision, I told them to come to me, and I would make sure they had whatever they needed to be safe. They did, I provided and everyone is healthy and happy and I am still not a grandmother.
We had much the same talk about booze and drugs. I would rather they got drunk/high here in a safe environment than somewhere where they could be vulnerable. Thank god they never took me up on the drugs. I have no idea where I could safely score anything these days. And to be honest, booze was never an issue. We always had wine with meals, and I never made it a mysterious, “must try this out” sort of thing.
Huh. Making forbidden things boring and semi-undesirable must be my secret talent. That explains so much…
Svensker
@Mary G:
Tell your mom high five from NJ! Good for her. The priest sounds like a total jerk.
debit
@Mary G: Good for her!! I hate sanctimonious pricks like that. Who the hell is he to decide who a “real” Christian is?
beltane
@Mary G: That’s an incredible story! But sheesh, denying communion to an old lady in a nursing home? That is a new low.
suzanne
@Svensker:
Don’t worry. He knows. And he’s on guard. He keeps extra pairs of salad tongs near his bathtub, so he can clean his junk without dirtying his soul.
The next to last samurai
If the father of my daughter decided they were married I would suspect incestuous tendencies and never let them be alone together. Incestuous attacks on girls are much more common than people like to think. Also too, when horny teenagers get together-i speak from experience here-they are thinking about neither purity nor sex education. The only real solutins are flooding the girls with powerful hormones so they will not conceive, or chaperoning. Since I feel there are enough hormones in our food and water already, I hope for a revival of chaperoning. I suppose such chaperones would have to be professionals since most modern parents lack the time.
gelfling545
@Mary G: OMG your mom is wonderful!
Betsy
@Mary G:
Bless her heart. And her mind, body, and take-no-bullshit spirit. That is a wonderful story.
Bubblegum Tate
@asiangrrlMN:
That’s from purity balls, which may or may not involve purity rings. Also, purity rings became a legit pop-culture fad for a bit, thanks to the Jonas Brothers and stuff like Twilight.
But yes, purity balls are undeniably creepy and disturbing.
Betsy
@The next to last samurai:
Methinks you underestimate teens’ ability to evade such supervision.
Warren Terra
There’s a joke about the, ah, quality of Democratic leadership in there someplace. Heaven knows I’ve often wanted Harry Reid to grow a pair (though I’ve less concern about the gumption, as it were, of Nancy Pelosi, and of course metaphorical balls are gender-neutral, because those lacking them, whatever gender they may possess, are metaphorically neutered).
Warren Terra
Oh, and @Mary G: Great story, and sounds like a grand lady.
Roger Moore
I think they missed an important part of the causality. The kids are more inclined to engage in risky sexual behavior precisely because they received abstinence only education. The worst part is that it turns into a vicious circle. The kids do dumb things because they lack adequate sex education. That makes the parents flip out and demand stricter abstinence only ed, which makes the kids even more ignorant and inclined to engage in risky behavior.
I seriously wonder how much of this is that the parents don’t have good information, either, and are nervous about the schools teaching the kids things the parents don’t know. Maybe the answer is to teach the parents enough about sex that they’re less inclined to flip out about what their kids are learning.
Betsy
On this topic, a recent study just came out showing that sex doesn’t affect teens’ academic performance if it’s in the context of a relationship. No surprise there, but it’s sure to get the fundies’ undies in a twist.
I don’t know, maybe because I was in a healthy, long-term, monogamous relationship for most of high school, I don’t get the hysteria about teen sex. Most people, even on the liberal side of things, treat it like it’s an intrinsic evil. But I think that’s a false premise. Teen sex is harmful when it’s non-consensual, when it’s unprotected, and/or when one of the teens in question feels powerless in the relationship. The latter is the hardest to prepare kids for, I think. But in the context of a healthy relationship and responsible birth control, I just don’t think it has to be a problem.
suzanne
@The next to last samurai:
Or you could, you know, teach both boys and girls about birth control and disease-prevention methods, talk to them about self-respect and ethical, egalitarian relationships, emphasize the vital importance of non-coerced consent, support them in their life goals and passions, help them find and maintain peer groups that are a positive influence, and always, ALWAYS let it be known that you, as the parent, are a non-judgmental source of support and love, and are never too busy when your kids need you.
Nah, what crack am I smoking?
Betsy
@suzanne:
That’s just crazy talk.
Roger Moore
@suzanne:
Something tells me the fundies aren’t going to go for the self-respect, egalitarian relationships, and parents being non-judgmental. Some of them won’t even go for the non-coerced consent, or at least believe that consent can’t be retracted.
asiangrrlMN
@Mary G: Your mom RULES! And, I agree that for a priest to deny her communion is just a scummy thing to do.
@Bubblegum Tate: I’m glad it was only a link to the bare-bones Wiki explanation because I couldn’t have taken an asshat explaining why this is a wonderful thing. It’s creepy, pure and simple. Not to mention tyrannical, puritanical, misogynistic, and just plain stupid.
P.S. Before I clicked on the link, I wasted several minutes fearing what purity balls were (as in, something to do with the testes).
fucen tarmal
@Svensker:
with douchehat its more a question of blood flow, my theory is a third head embedded in the rectum, because the big head and the little head aren’t getting any blood flow.
as far as the purity rings go; i think the proper question for a young man to ask is, so does this mean the third input is in play?
Warren Terra
@Roger Moore
My understanding is that the studies appear to show little harm caused by abstinence-only sex education – the kids maybe get pregnant slightly younger and get a bit more STDs, but the difference isn’t very significant. Abstinence-only certainly confers no positive effect though, and neither reduces nor much delays teenage sex. That, together with its inherent dishonesty, should be enough to damn it – but it would appear that between the wider culture generally and the Internet more specifically, Sex Ed in schools isn’t teaching kids a whole lot that they don’t learn without it, even when compared to the negative control of misinformative Sex Ed (i.e. abstinence-only).
I don’t know whether there exists really good Sex Ed that’s more effective, especially when paired with provision of contraceptives and health services.
Roger Moore
@fucen tarmal:
Your idea is common enough that you get jokes like:
Q: How do you know a girl is interested in anal sex?
A: She’s wearing a purity ring.
I’ve also heard of some really bizarre beliefs, e.g. that wearing a purity ring will preserve one’s virginity even while having sex.
The next to last samurai
I take it Suzanne will not be going to chaperone school. To be serious, I’m in favor of everything she lists-but we must still confront the reality that a girl not drugged into (loosely speaking) pseudopregnancy will, if she makes love routinely, probably become pregnant for real. Would that it were not so. Also too, to whoever thought I was not familiar with how skilled kids are at sneaking around-oh yes I am. I graduated in 1977-but I did not graduate a virgin. It occurred to me that professinal chaperoning had not been tried by the middle class. It would not help the poor. I wish I could think of something that would.
The next to last samurai
P.S. Why do Episcopalians call their priestesses priests? What’s wrong with being a priestess?
asiangrrlMN
@fucen tarmal: Saddlebacking, via Rick Savage’s commentators. I am agin it because while anal can be enjoyable, it is not usually a primary way for a woman to orgasm. Again, it’s about the guy getting his rocks off and the girl being able to call herself a TV (technical virgin).
@The next to last samurai: Um, condoms have a very high effective rate if used properly. I have never been on any kind of birth control, and I have never gotten pregnant. As for priest/priestess, I am guessing that they dropped the ‘ess’ because it’s not really necessary and is an old way of forming the feminine noun based on the male noun.
Peter
@The next to last samurai: Probably smacks too much of paganism to their minds.
WaterGirl
@beltane: Just when you think they can’t go any lower… they outdo themselves!
Bubblegum Tate
@asiangrrlMN:
OK, that would be fuckin’ hilarious. Like “the royal penis is clean” from Coming to America crossed with god-bothering asshattery.
Warren Terra
It would be ironic if, now that we’ve largely retired “actress” and “stewardess”, we revived “priestess”.
But does ths same logic mean that male leaders of Pagan worship should be called “Priestess”?
The next to last samurai
Don’t know how it is now, but when I was in high school, most boys would break off the relationship rather than use a condom. Whoever it was up there who had a truly caring boyfriend was lucky. SEVERAL OF MY GIRLFRIENDS BECAME PREGNANT BECAUSE OF THEIR DESPERATION TO HOLD ON TO BOYS WHO REFUSED TO”SHOWER” WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON.” I AM STUCK ON CAPS LOCK. SORRY.
Cacti
Didn’t the late Molly Ivins call Texas our national laboratory for bad government?
Though I must say, Arizona is trying hard to wrest that title away from them.
jrg
Yes, but unlike genitals, guns were not invented by liberal hippies in the 1960s to undermine purity and American values.
Besides, everyone knows that the best way to fix a problem is to just pretend it doesn’t exist. If we all agreed not to use our naughty parts, we wouldn’t have a problem. It’s not as if every single one of our ancestors had sex.
We’re all Jesus’ children, and his mom was a virgin – ‘course you stoopid libruls probably never learned that in your big-city “science” classes.
The next to last samurai
While i am in favor of condoms, i feel compelled to warn any teenage readers that my son was a foam rubber baby. The rubber broke and the foam did not foam enough. He turned out to be a great guy so all was well in the long run. Point is there are always surprises in life.
Sly
God has been mysteriously silent on the subject of firearms, at least in all the traditional avenues through which the faithful become certain of His will. So the analogy of gun ownership to filthy, disgusting, genital-related practices (that you only perform with the one you truly love and in the most sacred bonds of heterosexual matrimony) is inapt.
Svensker
@suzanne:
LOL. Ew.
suzanne
@The next to last samurai:
Men that truly respect women wouldn’t be that emotionally coercive. But, by all means, let’s pour more efforts into policing female sexuality.
Next, I’m going to suggest teaching boys that they’re not entitled to spray their seed everywhere. I know. Madness.
suzanne
@Svensker: You should see what happens when he’s been bad. I bet bleach and steel wool are involved.
The next to last samurai
Im with you, suzanne, but while we work on teaching boys to respect girls, i think we can also (too) work on ways to help girls now. And they do seem to need help. Back when i was dating fred flintstone, no girl would have tolerated the masculine disrespect that seems so common nowadays.
Catsy
As noted above, this needs some minor adjustments.
Abstinence-only “education” borders on child abuse.
DougW
@Betsy:
You go, girl! I bonded with my partner in 1976, and though he was 24 and I was 17, we are still together.
34 years together. It’s not an impossible dream, especially now with the support of the courts, and of legislators in various states.
I hope that everyone gets to have this opportunity, NOT just straight people.
We’re still not married, but then we have the bucks to come up with the dough to have good wills and powers of attorney.
Why, after all this time, should we be denied the marital bliss that we already share?
fucen tarmal
@asiangrrlMN:
i shudder to think of a sexual relationship that only involves anal, where the receiving partner has no prostate gland, but then again the real issue, looking for loopholes in morality. which sort of says you bought the wrong morality….that, more than anything needs to be made fun of, vigorously.
i’m guessing the women involved wouldn’t be having sex with their partners for pleasure, regardless, more because they feel it is expected. that is a whole other set of issues that goes beyond the fundies.
YellowJournalism
I grew up before purity rings were popular, but they were well-known among my born-again Christian friends. (I ran with two different groups in high school: my bible buddies and the drama crowd that was a true Breakfast Club-like mix of people.) We didn’t call them purity rings, though. They were known as promise rings. Some people got them from their parents, while others, like me, just used a ring that was special to them in some way.
To me, because I was more of a sinner than my friends were, the ring wasn’t necessarily a promise of waiting until marriage. It was more of a reminder to myself to wait until I was in a committed relationship and comfortable enough with myself and that person to actually engage in sex. Too bad the whole thing has turned into a useless excuse to engage in oral sex and twist women’s role in the sexual relationship into something hybrid of a pocket pussy (look it up) and an incubator.
asiangrrlMN
@fucen tarmal: You got it. And, it’s your latter comment that pisses me off the most. Sex is a wonderful, beautiful, let’s face it, really fun activity–when one wants to do it and is properly stimulated. That’s why teaching girls that it’s dirty and wrong and only men want it and blah blah blah is such a crime–and misogynistic to boot.
@The next to last samurai: You say this right after saying that several of your girlfriends got pregnant by coercion. These two statements are a contradiction. However, I agree with your basic premise that we need to teach both girls and boys (and those who have yet to make up their minds–a quote) the nuts and bolts and how to be responsible and how to respect themselves and each other.
@YellowJournalism: Preach it, sister. Well said.
asiangrrlMN
@Bubblegum Tate: My imagination included string, a whip, and not more than a few gross details. Why is it that the right can take something as wonderful as sex and make it so yucky and creepy?