Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

White supremacy is terrorism.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

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Reader Interactions

126Comments

  2. 2.

    Bullsmith

    In this old footage, Ms. O’Donnell has a small gap in her front teeth. I suspect she’s had orthodontic intervention. Or, equally likely, she has been replaced by an alien and/or android.

  3. 3.

    beltane

    As our new business & economics editor, why are you writing about sexual purity?

    Oh, the news out of Alaska keeps getting better. Murkowski’s enthusiastic crowd booed every time the tea party was mentioned. She also resigned all her committee assignments and told McConnell to go stuff it. Who needs Netflix when the GOP is providing so much free entertainment.

  4. 4.

    DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.

    @beltane:

    As our new business & economics editor, why are you writing about sexual purity?

    I use the “Pink Himalayan Salt” tag for posts that are don’t involve puzzling through wonkish economic arguments.

  5. 5.

    eemom

    by DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.

    whuzzup with this? Do all of y’all have Titles now?

  10. 10.

    Warren Terra

    @eemom:

    by DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.

    whuzzup with this? Do all of y’all have Titles now?

    I assume it’s a reference to McMegan’s title (which it quotes in full), a title (at a magazine) which she daily disgraces.

    But, hey: if I’m wrong and DougJ got the title for another reason, I’d be fascinated to hear about it.

  13. 13.

    Mark S.

    What if God was one of us?
    Just a slob like one of us

    Shit, that is vintage 90’s MTV. If it had gone on a little longer, they would have started playing “Everybody Hurts.”

  14. 14.

    The Dangerman

    Given this whacked out woman lives with her boyfriend, how can she claim any kind of “holier than thou” position?

  23. 23.

    eemom

    @Warren Terra:

    oh. well ok then. I am out of that McMegan loop.

    But……but……it’s just that to a former English major

    by DougJ is

    the grammar…….it burns……it burns…….

  24. 24.

    General Stuck

    As the director of surreal and weird shit department at BJ, this story must be reported. I first thought it was Onion grade spoofery, but apparently not.

    Concerned that an “unholy alliance” has been formed between conservative pundits and disreputable gold dealers, a prominent House Democrat has announced hearings into the retail sale of gold.

    Rep. Anthony Weiner released a statement Thursday that he plans to “discuss legislation that would regulate gold-selling companies, an industry [whose] relentless advertising is now staple of cable television.”

    The New York Democrat asserts that “Goldline employs several conservative pundits to act as shills for its precious metal business, including Glenn Beck, Mike Huckabee, Laura Ingraham, and Fred Thompson. By drumming up public fears during financially uncertain times, conservative pundits are able to drive a false narrative.

    While long aware that wingnut prophets/profits like Beck and Coulter were primarily fleecers of the flock, it never once occurred to me they may also be in deeper for money grubbing than is currently known.

    Pretty good scam for fear merchants when you think of it.

  26. 26.

    fucen tarmal

    jesus, delaware, you are really really scaring me, i expect this shit from florida, alaska, any of those rectangular states, but wtf? don’t make us give you to jersey.

  27. 27.

    sven is senior editor for Balloon Juice

    Here are the things we know about O’Donnell.

    1) she’s 41 years old
    2) she’s unmarried
    3) she adamantly opposes sex outside of marriage

    One of these things just can’t be correct.

    Either she is a hypocrite, is secretly married, or is much younger than she claims…

  28. 28.

    Brandon

    Am I the only one that was so juvenile to find it funny that the name of the youth pastor for the anti-masturbation crusade was ‘Hitchcock‘?

    And the ‘Pink Himalayan Salt’ tag is 100% win.

    Also too, after a 48 oz of taste testing, the Brooklyn Oktoberfest really isn’t very good.

  32. 32.

    sven

    @Brandon: It’s a good thing masturbation wasn’t discovered millenia ago, the human race would have died out by now… we really dodged a bullet there!

    So I guess if I use a long pseudonym I get put in moderation?

  33. 33.

    Mike G

    Palin made GW Bush look intelligent.
    O’Donnell makes Palin look intelligent.

    We’re approaching Republican Peak Stupid.

  34. 34.

    Nerull

    @24

    From what I’ve seen, Goldline, etc. sell gold in the form of “collectible” coins, and this is what Glenn is telling people to buy. They sell them for their “collectible” value, with a good markup, which is several times the value of the gold in them. So, if you’re buying for the gold value when everything collapses, you’re losing most of your money, compared to if you just bought gold at value.

  35. 35.

    AK the official business and economics editor emeritus of Carmen Road Elementary School

    Considering the marginal utility of watching that MTV YouTube for the express purpose of amusing oneself compared to that of accessing free porn sites for the express purpose of pleasuring oneself, the Laffer Curve tells us that abstinence is best in all cases.

    That’s going to be on the exam.

  37. 37.

    MikeJ

    @Nerull: .

    So, if you’re buying for the gold value when everything collapses, you’re losing most of your money, compared to if you just bought gold at value.

    If you’re buying bullion for WTSHTF you’re wasting your money. Buy lead. Ammo will be worth 100x what gold is.

  38. 38.

    Warren Terra

    @General Stuck:
    As you may know, although your blockquote is all about “the retail sale of gold”, the really scuzzy thing is that Goldline doesn’t actually make their profit selling precious metals; they scare people into wanting to buy gold, then once they’ve got the people on the phone they pull the switch and instead sell them “collectible” gold coins at humongous markups. Buying gold may or may not be a good investment, but the margins on selling gold are rather low.

    Mother Jones did a good cover piece on Goldline’s scam awhile back.

  39. 39.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: Hell, I can out and out fuck with no lust. As long as everything is physiologically sound it can happen.

    Hi hon. I’ve gone for the sociaIist trifecta at work. I r so proud!

  40. 40.

    Warren Terra

    @sven:
    As I recall from back when there was a brief craze to stick “Comrade” before your pseud (because of some particularly absurd declarations about the Socia|ist takover, iirc), if you change your handle you’re likely to get Moderated. Probably helps cut down on spoofs, multiple Pseuds, and (gack) trolls appropriating other commenters’ handles.

  41. 41.

    fucen tarmal

    i think she needs to look no further than the invisible hand of the market, to see the fallacy in her argument. were there a dip in the social market for poon, corresponding to the relative explosion in male masturbation since porn came out of the basement, and much of the stigma of jerking off evaporated.

    being that men have copious options for stimulation, and they still chase the muff as much as ever, we can conclude that the market has yet to reach its saturation point. it sounds like she needs to acquaint herself with how the invisible hand operates.

  42. 42.

    DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.

    @Brandon:

    “If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

    I loved that.

  43. 43.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Resident Firebagger: Kinda like Newt and the Buchanans, I despise them, but I shudder to think about the childhoods that made the adults. Others… the Cheneys, Bush II, Rove, Palin, I get the sense that they created the messes that they are

  44. 44.

    eemom

    ok, you Masturbation Trivia Wizards, who said this?

    Hey, don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.

  45. 45.

    J

    @Warren Terra: WT

    Thanks, That was great! You should try to get to the blog, where the General has really been outdoing himself lately. Good as he is at parodying individual bits of right-wing lunacy, his special talent as a mimic is in stringing them together into weird rambling diatribes that sound uncannily like the real thing. As much fun as it it is to make fun of deluded fruitcakes like O’Donnell, the really dangerous ones are the cynical lying bastards like Karl Rove.

  49. 49.

    Cain

    “If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

    Backup?

    cain

  50. 50.

    MikeJ

    @eemom: The same person who said:
    “They called me mad… But it was I – yes I – who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!”

  53. 53.

    Martin

    Holy hell, the GOP is efficient. Murkowski kicked out of GOP leadership and they rally around Miller.

    Well, that’s a whole new dynamic now, isn’t it.

  54. 54.

    Anne Laurie

    @Tattoosydney:
    __

    “You can’t masturbate without lust.”
    __
    Want to bet, honey?

    ‘Guilt’, ‘lust’ — it’s all the same to a good Catholic hysteric girl…

  57. 57.

    Anne Laurie

    @chaseyourtail:
    __

    She reminds me of the mother in the movie “Carrie”. Evil pillows…or were they dirty pillows?

    I remember Piper Laurie’s line as “I can see your dirty boys.” To which Sissy Spacek replied, “They’re called ‘breasts’, Mother — every woman has them.”

  59. 59.

    transneptunian object

    @MikeJ:

    If you’re buying bullion for WTSHTF you’re wasting your money. Buy lead. Ammo will be worth 100x what gold is.

    Dude. Gold ammo. Coooool.

  60. 60.

    chaseyourtail

    Waiting for the CBS/NYT poll asking voters if they approve, disapprove or are undecided about masturbation.

  61. 61.

    Markk

    Some wag at Huffpo wrote something about “a Masturbator March in Delaware”…man, that would be a blast! Carrying signs and bottles of lotion and marching in formation with serious faces. Following O’Donnell around hassling her for being a wank-bigot. We could probably get funding from astroglide.

  64. 64.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: I work for the gubmint, I joined a union, and I ride public transportation to and from work. Plus the PP thing I did the other day. Plus the fact that all the power goes through the city. And they regulate cable. I’m just waiting for them to bring up a single payer bill for the state. They tried once and the feds told them they couldn’t.

  68. 68.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: I iz off tomorrow, driving home to try and get my cat again and go see my friend’s new bebeh. And you’ll never guessed who resurfaced.

    Okay, you get one hint. :)

  69. 69.

    John Bird

    Thanks, I needed to see it again. Don’t worry for a second about reposting it because the world can’t really see that enough. It’s like a Kids in the Hall sketch but it is a factual event and actually matters in a minor way.

    Here. Join this room of young adults who don’t masturbate. It’s okay. Sit in this room with them as they talk about not masturbating. There’s one man and three women. What if God was one of us? Don’t be afraid. Be comfortable with this. Look, it’s the “Full House” font. Think about that for a while.

  70. 70.

    hamletta

    Dear Lord, she’s probably a bigger grifter than Saint Sarah herself.

    Miss Piety, shacked up in her shabby townhouse paid for with campaign funds?

  72. 72.

    chaseyourtail

    @Anne Laurie: Was Carrie somehow meant to be the embodiment of Second-wave feminism? Was she acting out her rage against the male dominated culture of the time? Hmmm…

  73. 73.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: I didn’t even NEED the hint. I haz a big smile for you. And, puppeh sooooo cute, but I hate the related vid that gets posted every time a soldier and a puppy vid is playing.

    @John Bird: OK. Now that’s just plain funny. See, humor does have a liberal bias.

    @hamletta: Yeah, funny that, isn’t it? Talk the talk, but don’t bother walking the walk. If you want me to believe that she’s shacking up with her boyfriend without anyone touching any naughty bits, well, then I expect to see said boyfriend taking a wiiiiiiiide stance in an international airport very soon (as long as it’s not Minneapolis’s).

  75. 75.

    Mark S.

    Man, why didn’t they ever put Christine on one of those goddamn Real Worlds? It might have made that awful show watchable.

  77. 77.

    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal (JMN)

    @DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.:

    “If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

    Okay, I’m going to take this dangerously seriously for a moment. Why is it that the people who insist that sex must be a part of love are also the same people who seem bewildered by the idea that people might, you know, have sex out of love?

  81. 81.

    sven

    Hey, is anyone going to make a serious attempt to attend the Stewart/Colbert rally? It will be profoundly satisfying if Stewart/Colbert outdraws Beck/Palin.

  84. 84.

    Yutsano

    @chaseyourtail: One of her fake hubbies is a cook (me) another is a fantastic baker and needs to get around to starting his second life as a pastry chef soon. The third one just eats, and she enjoys it all. But we all like to invade jeffreyw’s for dinner early and often.

  85. 85.

    asiangrrlMN

    @chaseyourtail: Hells, yeah! We will be celebrating our fake-first anniversary….say in a week or so. You are invited! I like the cut of your jib.

    @fucen tarmal: I think you should wax off in that case. I would suffer from early withdrawal without my BJ.

    @sven: God, I wish I could. October is a busy month for me, though, so I don’t think I’ll be able to swing it. You?

  86. 86.

    Triassic Sands

    Why are you in the picture?

    You’re not. And you and your ilk are the greatest anti-masturbation, anti-sex devices ever created — one thought of you bozos and all sex is out of the question for at least a week.

    I don’t know about peak Wingnut, but peak creepy — definitely.

    Urp. I feel sick.

  87. 87.

    MikeJ

    @sven: Stewart’s conflation of “left wing guy with a sign” with “Senate minority leader” strikes me as spectacularly dumb. Both-sides-do-it-ism pisses me off to no end.

  88. 88.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: You do know you’re missing one hubby and one wife, right? Me, my job is to sit around and look pretty. And good conversation. That’s it.

    @MikeJ: Yeah, that’s the one part I don’t like about his schtick. I hope, though, that the rally itself will be more pointed towards the teabaggers than the left.

  91. 91.

    Steeplejack

    @sven:

    I am there. Turned in a form at work today to make sure I have that day off. “Take It Down a Notch for America.” That’s my mantra this election season.

  92. 92.

    chaseyourtail

    @MikeJ: Uh, yes. Stewart’s false equivalency piety is something I loath about him. He overcompensates, imo, so as not to seem too liberal. I think he thinks this gives him more credibility with mainstream TV viewers. Regardless of his motives, it’s the same craven behavior exhibited by the MSM and it stinks. Yet, I can’t quite quit him due to his spurts of comic genius. But oh, can Stewart piss me off sometimes.

  93. 93.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Steeplejack: Cool! You will have to report for us. By the way, I answered about NaNoWriMo below. It’s in November, and I am not sure if I’m doing it this year. My problem isn’t writing–it’s editing and submitting. However, NaNoWriMo is good at getting me to write a whole novel in a month. If I do it, though, it will be with the pledge to keep revising the novel after the month is over so I can submit it.

  94. 94.

    Paula

    @sven:

    Trying for it …

    (apparently, the only way to actively force me into a political rally — other than outright fear [see:Iraq] is to base it on snark).

  96. 96.

    sven

    @asiangrrlMN: I wish! work+geography=no chance… I keep wondering if I could get anyone else to show up at a local event. I know a bar which might host if I though 20+ was plausible.

    @MikeJ: I agree, JS definitely pulls the high Broder from time to time. Having said that, Jon Stewart has been the most effective progressive on TV for more than a decade so I can’t hold a grudge. Besides, if there is a way to mock Glenn Beck, count me in. Seriously, I can’t go but I’ve got $50 to donate if someone is organizing busing to the event. The tea-party needs to be mocked and they need to be mocked hard.

  97. 97.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: I totally forget we’re a Denobulan family unit. And this may be a no no, but you do remember I’ve done professional editing before, amirite?

  99. 99.

    asiangrrlMN

    @sven: Um, are you local to my local? Because I think we could get 20 here, easily.

    @Yutsano: Yep. I know that about you. I may rely on that at some point. And, I like all my fake-marriages–they are so much easier to maintain than real ones. Plus, I married two threads, and I have a standing proposal to Tunchie, who has yet to deign to answer.

    @chaseyourtail: How about some bourbon in the sauce, or am I just pushing it now?

  104. 104.

    Yutsano

    @sven: I think that guy was a Rep when I was going to college in Boise wayyy back when. Course I lived there when Dirk was mayor. He was a big ass idiot then, should have known he’d jump at the chance to be a Bushie.

  107. 107.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney:

    I just baked a goat cheese, chorizo and raclette quiche

    Iberian or Mexican? The details matter you know. Also I realize I lose gay points for this, but I’m not really a big fan of goat cheese. Some tang is okay but it tends to be too sharp for me.

    I’m all man, baby

    You’re Ann Coulter? Oh wait, no, Dame Edna, sorry.

    @Tattoosydney:

    Are gifts expected?

    We ARE talking about our dear wifey here. I’m sure a trinket or a gaudy bauble is expected.

  108. 108.

    Tattoosydney

    @Yutsano:

    Iberian or Mexican? The details matter you know.

    It’s Portuguese, I expect. (ETA: How does Mexican chorizo differ? The Portuguese stuff tends to be quite meaty and chunky, with quite a strong flavour.

    Also I realize I lose gay points for this, but I’m not really a big fan of goat cheese. Some tang is okay but it tends to be too sharp for me.

    I’m with you. I also don’t particularly like that vague barnyard flavour. This goat’s cheese was nice and smooth and inside small stuffed peppers, which I then covered with pan fried chorizo and onion, then a layer of very thinly sliced chicken, then egg, cream, raclette and parsley.

  109. 109.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: Had to Google the raclette, I think I could eat the dish that also shares the name quite heartily. I would need some form of dark bread with it however.

  111. 111.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: I r now living in the big city, so I might have to visit a fine establishment du fromage at some point in the near future. Not sure just when yet as I’m going home tomorrow, but soon.

  113. 113.

    Svensker

    O’D has apparently said her Catholic faith has “matured” since her conversion in the 80s or 90s. So far, she hasn’t answered questions about whether that means she masturbates or not. I don’t really want to know the answer to that question, but I’d like to have it asked.

  114. 114.

    Uloborus

    @chaseyourtail: @sven: and etc.
    Sometimes Stewart does a segment so completely unfair it drives me nuts, but in general I try to remember something: He’s not a journalist. He’s not even trying to be a journalist. He’s a comedian, and making cheap jokes that misrepresent reality is a standard tool in his arsenal. We look to him because major news services are SO BAD that a comedian who isn’t trying has better journalistic ethics.

  117. 117.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Tattoosydney: I made it up, actually. I think you and I have been fake-married for over a year. But, yes, expensive gifts and lavish baked goods ARE expected! And, you are THE man!

    @Yutsano: You know me too well, Yutsy. Kiss kiss.

    P.S. Get a room, you two!

  118. 118.

    Steeplejack

    @Beth in VA:

    From Megan McArdle’s 2009 “Holiday Gift Guide: Kitchen Edition”:

    Exotic salts are the new Green Peppercorns and White Truffle Oil, and in my opinion, considerably more interesting. If you use expensive salts for flavoring your cooking (or putting on top of your food), a wooden salt keeper can keep them from getting too humid and clumping together. Right now I’m using Maldon sea salt for most things, and pink Himalayan salt for dishes that demand a lighter flavor.

    She was roundly mocked for this here and elsewhere, and it duly became part of Balloon Juice’s “inside baseball” lingo. (Oops, “inside baseball” is part of Balloon Juice’s “inside baseball” lingo.)

    ETA: And the Asian polygamist in ahead of me. Why do I even bother?

  119. 119.

    J

    @That’s Master of Accountancy to You, Pal (JMN): That’s a good point, and well made.

    My own reactions to O’donnell’s bizarre observation:

    “If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

    were somewhat coarser.

    a) Well if you send him a photo of yourself without any clothes on, ideally–er um–attending to your own needs, you likely will be part of the picture when he–er um–does it by himself.

    b) Is your point that, in order to prevent the horrible crime of self abuse, it’s a woman’s sacred duty to ‘put out’ (I really had to work to dredge that expression up from the deepest recesses of memory) with as many men as she can?

  120. 120.

    Bob L

    Them dressed as night clubers going on about sexual purity is about the funniest thing I have seen in a while. You can read that video as a bunch of girls trying trying to tell themselves they can’t get dates with the guys they want because these guys were masturbating.

    AND WHY CAN’T RACHAEL MEADOWS SAY THE WORD MASTURBATION?? I HATE YOU MSNBC!!!!

  121. 121.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Steeplejack: That’s right, bay-bee! I’m fast like that. It’s how I have so many fake-spouses. But don’t worry. You will always be the guy standing in the rain wistfully staring up at my window while smoking a cigarette to me.

  122. 122.

    Perry Como

    “If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”

    I’m really, really lazy.

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