Do you all hate Jon Gruden as much as I do?
Last week, a friend of mine and I spent an entire half of a game exchanging football cliches on gmail chat. What’s your favorite football cliche? Right now, I’m going to go with “keep those legs churning” and “get him in space/he’s great in open space/etc.”
MikeJ
Whose gams were you using?
Redshirt
Tie between “Blue Collar… Working Class” (i.e. White)
And
“Just having fun out there” (aka Favreslinging)
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@Redshirt:
At least we don’t hear about “lunch pail guys” anymore.
lamh32
Okay,
I just saw that Justin Bieber will be on CSI premiere this Thurs. Is it bad that I’m hoping his the “dead du jour”?
Anyway…GEAUX SAINTS!!
PaulW
Whoever scores the most points win the game!
Omnes Omnibus
“Student of the game.”
Omnes Omnibus
“Student of the game.”
Omnes Omnibus
“Student of the game.”
JGabriel
DougJ:
Err, umm, uh …
THAT’S SOClALISM! THOSE COMMIE ISLAMOMARXISTS!
What? Not footbally enough?
.
Omnes Omnibus
@Omnes Omnibus: Wow, I managed a triple.
lamh32
Not to be a Debbie Downer, but this is technically a football thread right???
This just came over the sportswire:
Broncos WR Kenny McKinley commits suicide
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
I think that by repeating “student of the game”, you established your will.
morzer
Well, so far the commentary team for the Saints/49ers game seems not to realize that dew falls in the evening. At least, judging by their surprise that the grass mysteriously gets damp at around 6.30pm.
JGabriel
@Omnes Omnibus, @Omnes Omnibus, and @Omnes Omnibus: It’s the repetition that makes the cliche.
.
RobertB
“blah blah blah in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.”
Omnes Omnibus
@JGabriel: I went meta.
schrodinger's cat
@DougJ
So business and economics blogger, what is your specialty macro or micro econ? or business?
Cat Lady
“That was almost intercepted!”
schrodinger's cat
@DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.: What is a lunch pail any way? Is that like the lolrus bucket?
Jager
“he’s got a great motor” and “make a play” or even worse “at the end of the day, its the team that made the plays”
even at my age I’d be “great in open space” but when the hitting started I’d crumple.
Jewish Steel
Chicago tough
Detroit tough
Pittsburgh tough
(Name of city here) tough.
Aren’t all these players from Florida and Texas anyway?
Seems to only work with rust belty cities. Seattle tough?
Omnes Omnibus
@schrodinger’s cat: Pink Himalayan salt, obviously.
CJ
“His motor never stops”
As an Eagles fan, every guy we draft has this in their bio.
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@RobertB:
That’s a good one too.
Also too “in this league”.
schrodinger's cat
@Omnes Omnibus: I think DougJ specializes in wine, if I am not mistaken.
morzer
Worst cliche:
This will be a physical battle between two physical teams.
Omnes Omnibus
@schrodinger’s cat: Wine doesn’t need salt. Well, it shouldn’t need salt. It would be a really bad wine that needed salt.
MikeJ
They just wanted it more.
ChrisB
Least favorite cliche is much easier for me to answer. How about “smash mouth football” or “punch the other team in the mouth?”
Ben Richards
There are two good ones. An injured player is “out with a (blank)” (insert random body part). Yesterday, one of the Texans was out for most of the pre-season with a back.
My wife loves when a receiver makes a “clean catch” on the sideline. Google that one.
Punchy
Physicality. WTF is that word? Who the fuck invented such a stoopid word?
Also– “He gives 110%”. Math idiots. Drives me CRAZY
2th&nayle
Just once I’d like to hear one of those jackasses say, “Well, this team will definitely have to step their game down a notch to be competitive.”
Turgid Jacobian
“He loves to hit!”
Athenae
And the John Madden Corollary: “What these guys need to do is get some points on the board.”
A.
Ash Can
“Happy feet”
Ash Can
(To clarify, since I have no edit option on this computer, that’s my favorite cliche. It always makes me smile.)
Omnes Omnibus
Anything Chris Berman says.
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@Punchy:
Physicality is good.
JGabriel
“Heh heh. You said BALL!”
And if that’s not a sports cliche, IT SHOULD BE.
.
Zam
@Athenae: I think anything Madden ever said falls in this category.
Comrade Luke
Joe Posnanski is having a field day mocking these guys on Twitter.
Comrade Luke
Joe Posnanski is having a field day mocking these guys on Twitter.
JGabriel
@Comrade Luke and @Comrade Luke: Twice isn’t enough.
.
Redshirt
The Frozen Tundra of Lambeau Field…(say it in steely NFL Announcer guy voice, RIP)
Which I like.
Jewish Steel
It’s not a cliché but I always mentally correct ‘intercepted’ for ‘intercieved.’ It’s not real word, I know. I just want parallelism. Call me pedantic.
ppcli
My favorite moment is when they describe a mistake as a “mental error”.
CJ
@Ash Can:
That’s the only one that ever made sense to me, because you could actually see it. Or at least it seemed like it.
chopper
that’ll move the chains!
zattarra
Gruden and Jowarski need to go away somewhere. Anywhere. Just get off my TV. I do not care what they used to call plays when you were coaching Gruden, nobody cares. And Ron Jaworski, you are actually in the broadcast booth now, not doing Edge NFL Matchup.
Oh yeah, and Jaworski, if USC has to vacate all Reggie Bush’s games and face a post season suspension and loss of scholarship then the least that can happen to Reggie Bush is they take his Heisman Trophy away. Since he cheated and screwed his school it’s the least he can do.
A Ghost To Most
wouldn’t interceived be a palinism?
Svensker
Gruden is just such a twit. And what’s with that new haircut? He looks like the Dutch Boy’s evil midget twin.
But the Niners are doing good (after scoring points for the other team on their opening possession).
I love football. High testosterone guys in tights. Huddle! And Jerry Rice looks great with his earrings.
NobodySpecial
“Someone has to step up and make a football play”
That one always gets me. No, dumbass, someone’s gonna break out and make a baseball play instead.
DLewOnRoids
“The quarterback position.”
Is there some other type of quarterback?
zattarra
“Now that’s a football player” – good to know, thought I was watching quilting.
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@DLewOnRoids:
That’s an excellent one.
Jager
Gruden just said “I hated to play a team coming off a tough outing” he paused and then said it again!
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@Jager:
That was good “coming off” and “tough outing”.
Concerned Citizen
One I’ve been noticing quite a bit this year is “Big Playability”. It’s annoying when repeated over and over by someone like Gruden.
jl
@schrodinger’s cat:
“@DougJ
So business and economics blogger, what is your specialty macro or micro econ? or business?”
I hereby decree that ‘DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice’s specialty is mathematical modeling, and in his next post, he will tell us when, whether, and in what sense, a transversality condition can be considered local or global information about a dynamic system.
I hope he discusses this vital issue in his next business and economics post, with lotsa snark.
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@Concerned Citizen:
You’re right, that’s an up and comer.
jl
And any Raider’s coach (ex or otherwise) who doesn’t commit assault and battery and bust some one in the jaw is one of the good ones in my book. But some might consider his color commentary to be a close equivalent.
Redshirt
Rocket Laser Arm
Also: Drive a truck through that hole.
Ron Dumsfeld
Home Run Threat.
Exurban Mom
Jaworski’s defense of Reggie Bush was horrifying. “Should the Heisman Club be police?” Yes, yes they should. Sure, Bush is a talented guy, but he cheated, so he loses the accolade he earned when he cheated.
Is Jaworski really saying that cheating shouldn’t matter when it comes to awards?
I HATE this team with a passion that burns with the fire of 1000 suns. I HATE THEM.
James E. Powell
@Exurban Mom:
Can we ask Jaworski to compare and contrast Reggie Bush with Pete Rose?
Hawes
“It’s X down and Y yards to go, I bet they dial up the blitz here.”
James E. Powell
Just heard one of my favorites:
Those two teams don’t like each other.
Race Condition
“He’s as good a as anyone else in this league”
WTF does that mean anyway?
Ash Can
@Redshirt:
That’s not a cliche, that’s a legend. (I must not be much of a Bears fan, because I think the Pack’s swell too.)
Jager
Is there a rule that all white offensive linemen are required to have full sleeve tats, long ratty hair and shitty beards? They look like biker wannabes…and why wouldn’t the black guys have their tats done in a color lighter than their skin tones? Seems a waste to have expensive tats people can’t really see.
Concerned Citizen
@Exurban Mom: Not trying to be inflammatory, but how did he cheat? I thought he took cash from the alumni (which I know is wrong, but isn’t cheating in the classic sense)
Redshirt
Reggie Bush out for season? With a leg.
Exurban Mom
@ Concerned Citizen: I don’t think your question is inflammatory at all. IMHO, if you get lots of money given to you by wealthy alums, you don’t need to bust your butt in the summer trying to earn your spending money for the year, and you can spend all your time working out and learning the playbook. You’re gonna be better than the kid who has to work two jobs and scrimp to afford clothes and shoes and an occasional pizza on a Friday night. Not cheating in the traditional sense, sure, but cheating nonetheless–just my opinion.
And my fave football cliche? “He’s just special, that player.” Ooh, and the tendency to refer to a player’s extremities as “the leg” or “the knee” rather than “his leg” or “his knee.”
Concerned Citizen
@Exurban Mom: Ok cool, thought I might have missed something. I get the point and I don’t disagree with it. I’d like to see the wealth collected by the schools from the football program more evenly spread to the players and their families.
Concerned Citizen
I never thought I’d root for SF. Go Niners!
morzer
Time for the 49ers to be strong. 22-22. Game on!
DougJ is the business and economics editor for Balloon Juice.
@Jager:
Yes, it’s a “point of emphasis” with the rules committee.
RareSanity
“The game is won in the trenches.”
“Guys flying around the ball.”
D.N. Nation
If I may-
“Get him in space” is actually a valid point. See: The first 7 minutes of Alabama/Duke, dumbass offensive coordinators who insist upon having their scat backs run between the tackles, any series the Oregon Ducks run, etc. It’s actually something many OCs fail to get right.
But yeah, pretty much everything else Gruden says is derp.
RareSanity
@Exurban Mom:
He didn’t cheat.
No one on a football scholarship at a BCS school does any of the things you mention, unless they choose to. The “jobs” are usually at an alum’s business and they sit around and surf the web, if they are required to show up.
They get book allowances (any money not used is given as cash, and they sell the books after each semester/quarter), they get food allowances (even though they can eat free on campus, unused balance refunded as cash).
The really good ones that are NFL prospects get money from every agent that can get within “$100 handshake” distance.
Reggie Bush’s main mistake was that he broke the rules. If he is drafted, he is supposed to to either sign with the agent that gave him money, or pay him back. He did neither, so the agent squealed.
sherifffruitfly
“the big tight end”
“his big tight end”
etc.
For fuck’s sake – ALL tight ends are big! Stop fucking saying it every time!
After that, yah – “in space” is pretty craptacular too.
Turgidson
“in this league” is a really bad one when it’s an NBA game, or a sports pundit analyzing the NBA draft. “You have to be able to box out in this league”
The NFL bozos use it too, but it’s almost used the way teenagers say “like” when people talk about the NBA.
Retch.
tulip
as a Raider fan I LOVE Jon Gruden. Love him. As an announcer… eh, all television announcer suck nowadays.
Most hated cliche (as someone said up thread) X gives 110%. Ugh.
fucen tarmal
the best cliches in football, unquestionably come from the scouting department, my all time favorite…
“moves well in space”
followed by
wood haulers butt
knee-benders and waist benders
tight in the hips
plays the piano…as in rahm plays the piano, working in the trenches, but he doesn’t move well in space, you don’t want him out front talking to the media.
themann1086
@Redshirt: Assuming you mean the old NFL Films voiceover guy, Harry Kalas, then yes, definitely RIP. He’s missed greatly here in Philly. Home runs still aren’t the same…
scarshapedstar
They really need to convert this third down to keep the drive alive.
Geoduck
George Carlin:
In football, the object is for the quarterback, sometimes called the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack which may consist of power plays designed to punch holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.
In baseball, the object is to get home . . . safe.
Bill
The way teenagers say “like” is similar to the way Troy Aikman uses “what” — that is, all the time, in unnecessary places:
“He forced Eli Manning to get rid of that football probably a little bit earlier than what he would have liked.”
Here’s a catalogue of abuses. Phil Simms has the same habit, although not in every other sentence like Aikman.
FlipYrWhig
@themann1086: The NFL Films guy before Kalas was even more legendary: John Facenda, IIRC. But Kalas is sorely missed in his own right. (I lived in Philly 1992-2005.)
pablo
No, I don’t hate Gruden as much as you. I give him a pass for being the caretaker of Tony Dungey TB Bucs, and giving us long suffering fans a Super Bowl championship.
He’s much better suited to the tube than the field.
But that was then….
GO FALCONS!
John Bird
“They have to go out there and make some plays if they’re going to score” or whatever variation of the Maddenesque allows commentators to fill dead air with the observation that getting points is how you win at football.
It’s far from the funniest one in football but I think the very essence of this comment, distilled and bottled, is what you get from 24 hour news. It’s perfectly excusable in football, really, even if it’s embarrassing to hear, since you’ve got to fill that time with something other than players and refs meandering around the field, even if there is literally nothing worth noting or discussing.
But when every single news story becomes all-day live expo coverage, you’re in trouble. That’s when you have to get out there and play both offense and defense, move the ball into the end zone, or you’ll get outscored every time.
asiangrrlMN
“This could be a game-changer” (or, it might not be).
On fourth down–“They have to punt the ball here” (no, they actually don’t have to punt–but they probably will).
“He’s one of the good guys” (just because it’s so banal).
“Leave it all on the field” (also very banal).
To be clear, these are cliches that set my teeth on edge (to use another cliche). The 110% thing drives me nuts.
Resident Firebagger
I don’t know that I hate Jon Gruden. But the fact that most people seem to like him does annoy me…
Rollins
On 3rd and long: “Now the defense can just pin their ears back.”
I know what it means (ignore the run and go fully after the QB), but I don’t know what it means. They say it every time though.
To be meta-fair about this whole topic: you try calling hundreds of football games with fresh verbal imagery each time.
Robert Waldmann
This is a crucial third down situation.
Tip Top
“Firing on all cylinders”, which has now become “hitting on all cylinders.”
BGinCHI
“Head on a swivel,” as in, “he really keeps his head on a swivel in the flat.”
Jim
This isn’t really a cliche, but a couple of years ago I heard John Madden describing a player who was pivotal to his team’s chances to do something or other: “The onus is on him to step up, and he really has been playing with a lot more onus lately.” Really.
jake the snake
110 %
Reminds me of a couple of maintenance men I worked with years ago. They were both among the slowest moving most leisurely people you could ever meet. Once one of them was being remonstrated by their supervisor for being so leisurely. To which he replied, “I always give 110 %.
The other responded, “If you give 110 %, then i give 220.