Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The willow is too close to the house.

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.

You passed on an opportunity to be offended? What are you even doing here?

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

“woke” is the new caravan.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about its history.”

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Giving up is unforgivable.

We know you aren’t a Democrat but since you seem confused let me help you.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

I would try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Fundamental belief of white supremacy: white people are presumed innocent, minorities are presumed guilty.

American history and black history cannot be separated.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

I swear, each month of 2025 will have its own history degree.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

They want us to be overwhelmed and exhausted. Focus. Resist. Oppose.

You are here: Home / VICTORY IS MINE!

Reader Interactions

74Comments

  3. 3.

    Politically Lost

    You forgot to make a backhanded swipe and imply that your victory is hollow because you didn’t get everything you wanted. And, that Obama’s advocacy wasn’t vociferous enough.

  5. 5.

    Pavlov's Dog

    Since you are so good at solving problems, can you help me with the million dollar check I’m expecting from the widow of the Nigerian general?

  6. 6.

    jl

    They appear to make two mistakes in that email.

    It implies that this “John Cole”, should he exist and if so, not exist solely in a post office box, has patience.

    And that it is humanly possible to have anything resembling patience that endures through to the end of their review process.

  7. 7.

    fourlegsgood

    Well, I’m glad UR not living in a post office box either. Where would you have room for Tunch’s toys?

  11. 11.

    Martin

    Ok, I forget who has Cole’s credit card information. You’re up next. Let’s get those things locked.

  12. 12.

    Violet

    Excellent news. I guess they got tired of the Googlebombs. Glad to know it only took them six months (eight? a year?) to get their act together.

    I guess this means the Republicans are like Paypal. When If When they win in November, they’ll go all Payal on us and shut everything down until we prove we’re who we say we are.

  15. 15.

    FlipYrWhig

    Oh, sure, you call it “victory,” but by getting back into business with PayPal, you only prop up the existing corporate oligarchy. Heighten the contradictions, man.

  18. 18.

    Beauzeaux

    Congratulations. But I hate these scenarios that involve spending endless, frustrating hours on the phone — just to get you where you should have been in the first place.

    I shiver at the idea of getting on Paypal’s dark side. I know I’d never get it straightened out.

  19. 19.

    BGinCHI

    Waiting to Exhale, the John Cole Story, wherever books are bought and sold this Christmas.

    Who would do the audiobook?

  20. 20.

    BGinCHI

    @jacy: What’s next, an Iowa Taliban fatwa against Bugs Bunny for his cruel treatment of white American Patriot hunter Elmer Fudd?

    King: “But I saw the film! Justice must be served on that wascally wabbit!”

  24. 24.

    Jager

    @Beauzeaux:

    Seen the Discover card commercial? The one with the hut in Siberia with a disgusting Siberian slacker and 100 ringing and blinking 70’s era phones.

  26. 26.

    sukabi

    don’t celebrate to long or loud… tomorrow’s another day and they may not be done with you yet…

  27. 27.

    gnomedad

    I’m just glad that Experian and Paypal both now agree that my fat ass is not living in a post office box.

    Minimalist living is trendy these days. Though your pets could be a problem. Is Todd Henderson aware of this lifestyle option?

  28. 28.

    DonkeyKong

    After a century of striving, after a year of debate, after a historic vote, John Coles paypal account is no longer an unmet promise. It is the law of the land.

    Barack Obama

    ok I made that up…

  29. 29.

    D-Chance.

    So, you’re going to continue doing business with them, after all the crap you’ve been put through by them?

    Yeah, this is a ‘victory’…

  35. 35.

    The Other Chuck

    I ran into the “limited account” thing just a few days ago. I just recently moved, so I got a new phone, new address, and I changed these things on PayPal, and they considered it just fine. Then I transferred a thousand bucks into the account and now all of a sudden they decide they have to freeze it, for whatever reason.

    And of course their resolution process online doesn’t work. It’s really amusing to be told you can verify your address by adding a credit card, then being told that you can’t add a card because your account is limited.

    Then there’s the fact that they hide all their phone numbers. If you’re really lucky, you can convince the help system to spit out a support number and a “Web PIN” that will tie you into another automated system that’s just a little less broken. God forbid you want a human though.

    Oh yeah and I discovered where paypal phishers get their “updating our security measures” and “verify your account details” verbiage: from PayPal’s very own fucking emails. Word for word.

    I thought the horror stories were squeaky wheel syndrome, but PayPal really does indeed suck like nothing I’ve ever seen before and I hope to god since.

  36. 36.

    Roger Moore

    Now you just need to take all your money out and start using a service that doesn’t treat you like you’re a present Tunch left on the carpet. Or maybe now that you’re an Obot you’ve started expecting that kind of treatment.

  41. 41.

    Glenndacious Greenwaldian (formerly tim)

    John, you really need to post some pictures of your bare “fat ass” so that the Balloon Juice community as a (w)hole can judge for itself whether or not your description is accurate.

    It may just be that you have body/ass-image issues as a result of looking at covers of Men’s Health Magazine and online porn, and that your own ass is indeed fine as it is.

    But(t) again, you’ll have to post clear photographs if we’re to be any help to you at all, John.

    However, if there are any unsightly pimples or ingrown hairs, please do take care of those before posting.

    Thanks!

  43. 43.

    JPL

    John, What’s happening with the new stray, Luella? Enquiring minds want to know. She certainly did make herself at home.

  45. 45.

    kdaug

    Rather quick to identify yourself as one of the “good guys”, no?

    You’re on a permanent probationary period in my book, given your previous asinine opinions. Conservativeholism is a lifelong disease, and I’m keeping a close eye out for slippage.

  49. 49.

    TaMara (BHF)

    I haz Obama-Fatigue and if he was sitting on a stool in front of me I would complain about how hard I’ve had to work defending him, because of course it is all his fault I am exhausted by all the baseless attacks against him. Can I haz an update on Ellie and pix of the J. Cole clan? kthnx.

  50. 50.

    quaint irene

    “Please do not reply to this email.”

    Screw ’em. Reply away!

    But huzzah’s on getting that mess resolved.
    Love that the ad that appears right under the ‘Victory is Mine!’ post is
    ‘Visit Rome.’

  51. 51.

    quaint irene

    en the Discover card commercial? The one with the hut in Siberia with

    “Yeeesss. This is Peggy. What is problem, please??”

  54. 54.

    FlipYrWhig

    @JPL: People _would_ say it was his fault, because as King Abdullah was saying on Daily Show, neither side is going to get everything they want out of the deal; they’ll have to come back to their people and explain that they did the best they could. We don’t like that in America. Some people would say that Israel got too much because Obama clearly favors Jews, some people would say that the Palestinians got too much because Obama clearly favors Arab-Muslim-terrorist-decolonizers, and the flaws would all be laid at his feet because whenever you’re not fully satisfied, that’s when it must be someone else’s fault.

  55. 55.

    Comrade Mary

    I’m happy for you, John, and I’m a letta you finish, but I have to say that you need to provide photographic proof of your Realness. Nothing skanky, but a hand or forearm or something, We’ve already seen your calves (which are nice, BTW.)

    (I bet you he has freckles. I bet you LOTS.)

  56. 56.

    General Stuck

    @Comrade Mary:

    We’ve already seen your calves (which are nice, BTW.)

    Comrade Mary, I want to inform you that the internet is a place of equality and there are some fine pOrn links for the ladies also too. Me, those hairy drumsticks were quite enough of Cole to see for confirmation of existence. Sometimes, an asshole is better heard than seen. I offer myself as proof of theorem.

  58. 58.

    eemom

    ot, but OMG Colbert was AWESOME today!!

    I would SO marry him and have his babies, except that he’s married and I’m married and too old for any more babies.

    Yeah, let’s talk about how “High Broderish” this Oct. 30 rally is gonna be.

  61. 61.

    ruemara

    OT:

    Thoughts? Derision? Scorn?
    Trying to consolidate some of the discussions here about why you’d give an anti-gov wingnut an elected position in gov, but in youtube form.

  64. 64.

    Violet

    @eemom:

    ot, but OMG Colbert was AWESOME today!!

    Turned on the radio in the car today and heard about five seconds of a local rightwing talk guy before I flipped the station. He was going on about Colbert and how he (Colbert) thought he was so funny and he (the talker) was sure that Colbert’s show made a lot of college girls want to give him their phone numbers, but it wasn’t funny/appropriate/whatever.

    The talker guy sounded jealous.

  65. 65.

    ColleenSTL

    This is a complete change of subject, but I have a question I’m sure the community can both weigh in on and answer! I’m a regular and somehow missed the exit of E.D. Kain. What happened? It was kinda interesting to read him even if I often disagreed.

  66. 66.

    Svensker

    @jacy:

    In other news, Steve King (Asshole – IA) is a bit confused about what Stephen Colbert does for a living.

    That’s just hilarious. I also love that Colbert said that being called a “corn packer” in “Iowan” was short for gay farmer. I’m dying here.

  68. 68.

    Svensker

    @kdaug:

    I’m keeping a close eye out for slippage.

    Hope that’s not related to shrinkage, especially considering Tim’s post.

  70. 70.

    ColleenSTL

    @General Stuck: Except that he actually didn’t, unless one considers his very appearance to be a mockery. Yes, he mostly stayed in character, but he actually take advantage and make some pretty sober comments when he had the chance to.

  71. 71.

    General Stuck

    @ColleenSTL: I have no problem with mocking congress, and whether and how much Colbert did, (I haven’t watched the clip yet) I can think of no better qualified congress mocker than Colbert. I hope he caused the self important critters we elect to swallow their arrogant huffs and puffs and choke on them.

  72. 72.

    fasteddie9318

    @General Stuck:

    I can think of no better qualified congress mocker than Colbert.

    Meh, he’s a rank amateur. Congress has been mocking itself far longer and more comprehensively than anything Colbert can ever hope to achieve. If anything, he classed that shithole up a bit while he was there.

  73. 73.

    eemom

    @fasteddie9318:

    Congress has been mocking itself far longer and more comprehensively than anything Colbert can ever hope to achieve.

    Eggzacktly, and therein lies the beauty of the republicans and emmessemmbots howling about Colbert’s “mockery.”

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