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You are here: Home / Politics / Cockwork orange

Cockwork orange

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I don’t care about John Boehner’s personal life, but my friends tell me this could be a big story (via Mike Stark):

Insiders on Capitol Hill are buzzing about an upcoming New York Times exposé that will detail an alleged Boehner affair.

Boehner’s alleged paramour is a lobbyist.

Again, don’t think extramarital affairs should matter in politics, but they do.

Reader Interactions

140Comments

  6. 6.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    Do you think she’s blue so that they could complement each other? Maybe she’s the opera singer from the Fifth Element.

  7. 7.

    jacy

    Really, with a name like Boehner, how long until this happened?

    I always thought Boehner looked like an emcee for a bad Vegas strip show, with his day-glo tan and a cigarette dangling from the corner of his lip. Just put him a velvet suit with contrasting lapels and cut-rate showgirl on his arm.

  12. 12.

    Jilli

    Palladino – pulled a full “Edwards” – has a 10 year old daughter after an affair. His wife found out last year. You’d think that would eliminate him from any serious contention on the right – that is if there was any shred of truth to the rights concerns about “values”. The whole incident will likely be dismissed.

  13. 13.

    Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther

    A) @John Cole: This.

    B) Extra-marital affairs shouldn’t matter in politics — except among those who frequently and loudly claim their moral high-ground by way of their sexual purity. Then they actually should matter.

    Every completely human sexual thing that a member of the GOP does — cheat on his/her spouse, have sex with someone of his/her own gender, ride the marry-divorce-marry-divorce carousel — counts like fucking crazy. They’ve made this bed all on their own, and now maybe John Boehner will have to lie in it. Please God.

  15. 15.

    PaulW

    Extramarital affairs are of issue as long as the politicians themselves make an issue of “family values”. The hypocrisies of adultery, soliciting prostitutes, and “life-style choices” never once enter their minds… until it’s THEIR asses on the tabloids’ front pages.

    By the by, how’s the Ensign scandal investigation going?

    By the by, why is Vitter cruising to electoral victory, you Louisiana voters?

    If only Sanford lied better back in 2009, he’d be a front-runner for the 2012 primaries.

  18. 18.

    Steve

    I wonder if this will be half as huge as the McCain affair with a lobbyist that turned out to be complete bullshit.

  19. 19.

    JC

    HAHAHAHA!!!

    Godda*n you Doug, my beer is all over my shirt now, it’s ruined.

    Man, that title is good in so many ways.

    To get a bit serious though, IOKIYAAR.

    You think that this might be the one time this isn’t true?

    Certainly isn’t stopping Vitter.

  21. 21.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    OK, you can retire and just walk around saying “I’m the guy who came up with the Cockwork Orange blog title.” People will fight to buy you meals and houses and shit.

    don’t think extramarital affairs should matter in politics, but they do.

    He’s the motherfucker in the Family Values party. The reason this shit has legs is because some people can’t stop screaming about what consenting adults get up to.

  22. 22.

    plaindave

    Extra-marital affairs with lobbyists should certainly matter. For other extra-marital affairs, I’d agree. Sex is not our business. Business influencing government is our business.

  23. 23.

    Brachiator

    Boehner’s alleged paramour is a lobbyist.

    I always figured that members of Congress were issued lobbyist paramours right after they were inaugurated. Stories like this, coming close to an election, never have any impact. They are easily shrugged off as typical political dirty tricks.

    And I thought that Boehner was in the closet. Assuming that his alleged lover is a woman, this rumor may work in his favor.

  26. 26.

    KG

    Normally, I would say that an extramarital affair shouldn’t matter. And generally speaking, I don’t think they matter. But, as always, there are exceptions, and this may be one. If she’s a lobbyist, then there’s an issue of undue influence, and that could be an issue.

  27. 27.

    suzanne

    God, I can’t imagine banging that freak show. He looks like he’s been hanging out right next to a nuclear power plant, for fuck’s sake. I mean, even if they did it with the lights off, I think he glows in the dark.

    Maybe if he wore a wetsuit. Or two.

  30. 30.

    TooManyJens

    I think it’s kind of quaint that we’re worried about a Congressman having sex with a lobbyist. I mean, they bend over for the lobbyists figuratively all day; at this point I’m having a hard time caring about whether they do it literally.

  31. 31.

    asiangrrlMN

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: I’mma let you finish, but…actually, I just wanted to agree with you. I don’t give a fuckity-fuck (except maybe for the lobbyist part) except for the Family Values crap. Live by that goddamn sword, then you fucking die by that goddamn sword. Not that he will.

    @PaulW: Ensign is the one who really blows my mind (ew. Bad image there. Sorry). I mean, dildi and wet suits? OK. Whatever. But he was playing with house money. That’s gotta piss someone on the right off, amirite?

  32. 32.

    Louisiana Voters

    @PaulW:

    By the by, why is Vitter cruising to electoral victory, you Louisiana voters?

    He’s gonna let us keep our guns!
    And he’s white!
    And did I mention the guns?

  33. 33.

    Jim, Foolish LIteralist

    Sam Seder called this an intra-party power play over the weekend. The only way the media will pay attention is if one of Boehner’s rivals wants them too, still fun to play guess who– Cantor? somebody in the Bachman-Goehmert Goon Squad?

  34. 34.

    JWL

    Doug J: You “don’t care”?

    Then either bow out of political commentary, or form a David Broder Fan Club.

    There’s no in-between anymore*.

    (*Hat Tip to the Boardwalk Empire writers).

  35. 35.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN:

    That’s gotta piss someone on the right off, amirite?

    Nope. He’s a (ostensibly) straight white male who votes the right way. They will back him to the hilt because he supports the oligarchy. When he actually COSTS them bread, he’ll get shanked. And IIRC his investigation is still open, though I’m not sure what the hang-up is.

  38. 38.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Sigh. I know. Still, his shit was pretty out there, even for a guy who votes the right way and has the right pigmentation, genitalia, and sexual preferences.

    Oh well. How the hell are you? Use any polysyllabic words today?

    @Omnes Omnibus: Oh my god I love that way too much.

  42. 42.

    KG

    @Jim, Foolish LIteralist: there’s two ways this plays out bad for Boehner.

    Scenario Numero Uno: the internal polls show that the GOP is going to take over the House, and someone (probably a Tea Partier) wants to make a power play because, if not for the Tea Party yadda yadda yadda…

    Scenario Numero Dos: the internal polls suggest that the GOP is not going to take over the House, Boehner is going to be the fall guy afterwards anyway. But, if there is a leadership scandal before the election, that can be blamed for the Tea Partiers not showing up because the GOP establishment is just like the Democrats and not interested in helping real Americans, and yadda yadda yadda

    I just don’t see how they can avoid cannibalizing themselves either way. It is simply their nature to turn on each other when an opportunity like this presents itself.

  43. 43.

    VixenStrangely

    Weird, I just commented about GOP affairs going de riguer in future just to prove one has the equipment for it at “No More MIster Nice Blog”. I think I forsee a point of “normalization” where it actually doesn’t matter, or matters in the reverse: Well, why isn’t everyone having affairs, politics being as sexy as it is, and all? Then I come here….

    The title of this post gave me bad visual–bad….bad….bad….

    But lobbyist? Nothing we wouldn’t have expected. If there’s a story, I’m almost ready to bet only quid pro quo would make it.

    (Also– agree with robertdcs: Isn’t Pence supposedly the guy who dropped the dime, adjusted for inflation? Or at least is vigorously alleging he certainly wasn’t?)

  44. 44.

    Ross Hershberger

    Did I hear on the radio that Paladino took his illegit daughter on a trip to Italy and they visited the Vatican? Supporting his daughter is a very honorable thing. But the Vatican’s standards sure have slipped.

  45. 45.

    RareSanity

    @jacy:

    a cigarette dangling from the corner of his lip

    This may not be far off. I always figured he had a voice that could only have been tuned by a pack of Marlboro Reds everyday, for decades.

    FTA:

    Liberal media goes on attack against GOP’s Boehner

    Talk about a preemptive strike…

  46. 46.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: In the tribe all sins can be forgiven. Just don’t upset the natural order of things and all will be well. Remember they can tolerate their own corruption as long as they keep retaining the benefits.

    If I used one I don’t recall. The learning was very dense today.

  47. 47.

    Davis X. Machina

    @KG: This has happened, sort of, before, in 1998, when Gingrich couldn’t deliver the big win in the House. He was replaced by Livingston, who in turn was burnt within weeks by parties unknown giving us Speaker Hastert.

    Thuds and screams from the Topkapi Palace tonight…

  48. 48.

    BGinCHI

    Finally, someone is fucking the lobbyists instead of the other way around.

    Fight the power Boehner!

    Any confirmation that Hamsher has accused Cole of nailing a lobbyist?

  49. 49.

    Steve

    I don’t even understand what the upside would be here. Gee, we get rid of John Boehner, only the most effective Republican leader since Shmedrick McNobody. Wow.

  50. 50.

    Brachiator

    Did I hear on the radio that Paladino took his illegit daughter on a trip to Italy and they visited the Vatican? Supporting his daughter is a very honorable thing. But the Vatican’s standards sure have slipped.

    Let’s see. The term “nepotism” was coined after the practice of popes and cardinals appointing their “nephews” (wink wink nudge nudge, say no more) to positions of prominence within the Vatican.

  51. 51.

    Linda Featheringill

    Of course an affair with a lobbyist would be a big deal for Boehner. We don’t have sex in Ohio. We don’t believe in it. We don’t even think about it.

    Babies are ordered from Amazon and delivered by the Big Brown Truck.

  53. 53.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Yeah, I guess. Still, the guy broke the law. You know, like actually broke the–oh, for fuck’s sake. I can’t even convince myself that it matters. Forget it.

    So is your poor head hurting? Come rest it on my pillows.

    @Brachiator: Is this actually true? (The root of nepotism)? Huh. I never knew that. I like learning new things about words.

  55. 55.

    Steve

    @KG: The Republicans are desperate to replace Boehner because he’s ineffective? Gee, which reincarnation of Lincoln do you think they’ll replace him with?

  58. 58.

    MattR

    @Ross Hershberger: I just saw a Cuomo ad and they picked a great picture of Paladino that really makes him look like Nosferatu. Now that may actually appeal to some on the right, but I think it will be a very effective tactic with the “independents”.

  60. 60.

    Jason Bylinowski

    DougJ, that title is a flash of genius. I could have easily sat down for a thousand years and never have come up with that.

    On the substance, though, I hope the rumors of intra-party scheming is true, because if the Dems brought it up it is destined to backfire. Not to mention, it’s pretty lacking in taste to go there, all potential ethical violations notwithstanding of course.

  61. 61.

    Ross Hershberger

    This is funny actually. The GOP has had no central leadership for several years. The Boehn-ster is the closest thing that they have to a figurehead. Probably because he’s marginally easier on the eyes than Limbaugh and not prone to fits of bawling like Beck. And now he might go down in a scandal. Who will carry the standard? Who will fill Lincoln’s shoes and lead the GOP to victory? Really. Who do they have?

  63. 63.

    ItAintEazy

    I will add, too, also, that DougJ wins the Internets.

    Why does he win the Internets? Because he could have easily gone with some groaner “boner” joke, but he instead came up with a sublime mindfuck of a title.

    ETA: Ah well, late to the “emphasis on the ‘o’ not the ‘e'” party, I see :(

  64. 64.

    scarshapedstar

    Fucking a lobbyist.

    As in, John Boehner gets paid for sex.

    That’s the most depressing thought I’ve had in 10 years.

  67. 67.

    Loneoak

    I would have put money on him boning the secretary at his tanning salon. He probably spends more time there than in Congress.

  69. 69.

    Ross Hershberger

    Really. Who do they have?
    Wouldn’t Cantor take the Leadership role?

    Take the position? Yes. Lead? Hard to imagine.

  73. 73.

    KG

    @The Dangerman: only if he could get the votes. And with a potential wave of Tea Party crazies coming in, there’s no guarantee that they will get in line, setting up a leadership battle.

  74. 74.

    BGinCHI

    @IndyLib: Yepper. All over the place, now, so not much of a secret.

    I predict in one week Rahm is rolling down Michigan Ave in a tank at the head of a giant invasion force. I don’t see how we can defeat him.

    We need a superhero like Kick Ass.

  75. 75.

    Anne Laurie

    @Ross Hershberger:
    __

    Did I hear on the radio that Paladino took his illegit daughter on a trip to Italy and they visited the Vatican? Supporting his daughter is a very honorable thing. But the Vatican’s standards sure have slipped.

    As someone who went through twelve years of parochial school, I am required to point out that handing one’s illegitimate offspring over to The Church has a long, if not honorable, history.

    My vote for the GOP insider trying to spike Boehner goes to Mike Pence. He’s ambitious enough to try it, and dumb enough not to count the votes before he does.

  77. 77.

    Anne Laurie

    @Linda Featheringill:

    We don’t have sex in Ohio. We don’t believe in it. We don’t even think about it. Babies are ordered from Amazon and delivered by the Big Brown Truck.

    My Michigander Spousal Unit (hearts) you for that comment!

  79. 79.

    BGinCHI

    @Origuy: If you’ve lived in Buffalo, and met some Italian-American construction types, you might think Paladino is liberal in comparison. He’s gotta be in like the 5% who don’t have felonies.

  80. 80.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Duluth. :-P

    I did watch the song y’know. I just had the idea that the capital was anywhere but Boston. Then again lots of folks think Seattle is the capital of Washington, so there you go.

  83. 83.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Origuy: Man. That’s cold. Seriously. He has sunk to a depth from which I fervently hope he is never extracted.

    @Yutsano: This is true. Capitals are never what you think they are, or you think the obvious choice is too obvious.

    @General Stuck: Oh shit. I totally added the “l” in my mind. DougJ’s way is a million times funnier!

  84. 84.

    IndyLib

    @BGinCHI:

    I haven’t been on the intertubes much the last week, so I missed it. I am just surprised he’s leaving so close to the election.

    I wondered who was going to try to take over for Daly. I don’t hate Rahm particularly but I have to say that I can see him as a long time Mayor of Chicago and that’s not a compliment.

    edit addition – “Cockwork Orange” is the best laugh I’ve had all week.

  85. 85.

    Anne Laurie

    @Yutsano:
    __

    I thought Springfield was the capital of
    Massachusetts, but I learned I guessed.

    In any other state, it would be! There’s a theory in these parts that Springfield’s sad fate was taken as a lesson by all you latecomer states — ambitious politicians figured out that making our biggest, most prosperous city the commonwealth capital meant less power & patronage for would-be machers. It certainly was cited as a reason for moving the national capital away from NYC and Philadelphia… there was talk of seating His American Not-Majesty in Richmond, but the Virginians didn’t want a lot of ungentlemenly businessmen and professionals to be given a reason for hanging around the FFVs. Which lead to the “compromise” that made DC the weird supreme-and-yet-supremely-powerless political chimera that it is.

  86. 86.

    Dennis SGMM

    Boehner will hold a “Because shut up is why!” press conference with his wife looking on dutifully and that, plus maybe a spritz of ol’ time religion, will be case closed.

  87. 87.

    Yutsano

    @Anne Laurie: There’s some similar sordid story as to how exactly Olympia got chosen for Washington but I don’t recall all the finer details at this moment. I do know that my little college town was considered a front runner for awhile, but that was when rails were much more important than they are now.

  88. 88.

    General Stuck

    OT

    After a full day of blogging with abandon, I am so proud of myself. Don’t think I issued a single “fuck you” to anyone.

  90. 90.

    burnspbesq

    @plaindave:

    Extra-marital affairs with lobbyists should certainly matter.

    How do you value a good fuck for purposes of including it on a financial disclosure form? And did Boehner fail to report that he had received, umm, “gifts?”

    It’s not the sex, Doug, it’s the lying about it.

  93. 93.

    Martin

    So, Rahm may be out. Which completely unrealistic candidate will the professional left demand replace him in order to have the next 3 months to bitch about how Obama has failed them?

    I think Kucinich is too obvious. I’m going with Alan Grayson.

  95. 95.

    morzer

    Don’t we all know that Boehner’s been fucking a lonely golf-cart for years? Anyway, compared to the harm he and his cretinous colleagues have already done the country, the fact he inflicted his vile attentions on an unfortunate woman/goat/golf-cart/beef stroganoff hardly matters. Fuck him and the golf-cart he “rode in” on with a pneumatic road-drill.

  97. 97.

    Martin

    Christian nation, my ass.

    In fact, although the United States is one of the most religious developed countries in the world, most Americans scored 50 percent or less on a quiz measuring knowledge of the Bible, world religions and what the Constitution says about religion in public life.

    And what about us godless assholes seeking to wreck the country?

    The survey is full of surprising findings.
    __
    For example, it’s not evangelicals or Catholics who did best – it’s atheists and agnostics.

    Yeah, that what I would have guessed.

  98. 98.

    ruemara

    this title is a total ftw. That is all.

    @Martin:

    Just not a surprise. As I’ve told many a conservative fundy, I’ve forgotten more bible than you’ll ever know.

  100. 100.

    cat48

    completely unrealistic candidate will the professional left demand replace him in order to have the next 3 month

    Cenk wants Howard Dean, according to his blog at HuffHo.

  101. 101.

    MattR

    @Martin: I read that article earlier. This quote was buried about halfway through.

    The single strongest factor predicting how well a person does on the religious knowledge quiz is education – the more years of schooling a person has, the more they are likely to know about religion, regardless of how religious they consider themselves to be, Pew found.

  102. 102.

    Martin

    @Yutsano: Shit, almost every name will make their heads explode. I suspect that if he gave the job to Warren that they’d find some way to call her a sell-out.

  103. 103.

    cat48

    completely unrealistic candidate will the professional left demand replace him

    Cenk wants Howard Dean, according to his blog at HuffHo.

  106. 106.

    Yutsano

    @Martin: Hasn’t that ship sailed already? They were foaming at the mouth when she appeared to take the “compromise” of less than full Senatorial approval. Never mind the fact she’s filling the role she wants to at this exact moment. Sigh. Purity must get tiresome after awhile.

    @morzer: No haz, so no care too much. Well that’s not entirely true. I do mind my language in public. Usually.

  107. 107.

    morzer

    @Jim, Foolish LIteralist:

    Isn’t it time you faced up to certain realities, Jim. Come on. You’re a very attractive man, Jim. You’re smart, you’ve got wonderful bones, great eyes, and you dress really interestingly…

  108. 108.

    morzer

    @Yutsano:

    Then, for sake of the public welfare, I implore you to ensure that your nouns and possessive adjectives agree in gender. Also too, number.

  109. 109.

    Binzinerator

    Once you’ve had Orange
    You’ll never…

    Uh, wait a sec. Nothing rhymes with orange.

    Never mind.

  110. 110.

    Anne Laurie

    @Martin: Back when I was a damp little college freshperson, and people wondered how I could resist the philosophical charms of both objectivism and marxist-lesbian-separatism, I’d point to twelve years in parochial school. Because once you’ve survived smallpox, you don’t have to worry about catching cowpox.

  112. 112.

    MattR

    Great Daily Show Moment of Zen with Lawrence O’Donnell on Morning Joe defending teachers from claims that they should be able to reach every single child by pointing to The Jersey Shore and claiming that there is not a teacher in America who could have reached any of them.

  114. 114.

    Yutsano

    @scav: Sigh. Give me Japanese which has no genders or noun-verb agreement issues. Then again you can decline adjectives and adverbs, and there’s the amazingly complex writing system…

  116. 116.

    morzer

    @Yutsano:

    Complex? Japanese? Pah! Chinese crushes Japanese with ease! After all, once you get past the jouyou kanji, all you have is two fairly straightforward syllabaries. Chinese, on the other hand, has tens of thousands of hanzi!

  117. 117.

    scav

    @Yutsano: mumbling and eliding is my preferred method of managing agreement in French. that combined with a dash of the l’arrogance nationale avec élan usually carries the day. A solid mumble can manage a lot of verb conjugations too, heureusement.

    Although, now that I think of it with great attention, your foutre-ing was personal and intimate while your prier-ing was collective (I’m assuming not formal, certainly not after the action), which makes me suspect an orgy — so I don’t know why anyone was complaining.

  119. 119.

    JR

    Can’t emphasize this point enough:

    If the GOP takes the House but not the Senate, then whomever is named Speaker becomes the most important Republican in America.

    That’s why we need to start pushing the idea out there that the Constitution in no way limits the Speaker’s Chair to a member of Congress. Anyone can be Speaker. Including Sarah Palin.

    Think about it. Speaker Palin. Speaker Beck. Hell, Speaker Gingrich.

    The potential is huuuuuuuge. But it starts with causing the rank and file to refudiate Boehner.

  120. 120.

    Brachiator

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Is this actually true? (The root of nepotism)? Huh. I never knew that. I like learning new things about words.

    Most definitely true. From the Wiki (among other sources):

    Nepotism gained its name after the church practice in the Middle Ages, when some Catholic popes and bishops, who had taken vows of chastity, and therefore usually had no children of their own, gave their nephews such positions of preference as were often accorded by fathers to son.
    __
    Several popes elevated nephews and other relatives to the cardinalate. Often, such appointments were a means of continuing a papal “dynasty”.
    __
    For instance, Pope Callixtus III, head of the Borgia family, made two of his nephews Cardinals; one of them, Rodrigo, later used his position as a Cardinal as a stepping stone to the papacy, becoming Pope Alexander VI. Alexander then elevated Alessandro Farnese, his mistress’s brother, to the cardinalate; Farnese would later go on to become Pope Paul III.

    The formal practice of doing this kind of thing was abolished by Pope Innocent XII in 1692.

  121. 121.

    scav

    @morzer: ah, you were trapped in the hermaphroditism of the mon/ma cheri(e) while I wandered lonely as a cloud amidst the foutre/feux and the prier/prix. C’est bien trop compliqué pour si tard ou même si tôt et surtout sans alcool. m’en vais faire dodo.

  126. 126.

    Tim I

    Sorry folks, but there doesn’t seem to be much meat to this story. Mike Stark has been pushing it, but he doesn’t seem to have any actual evidence to back it up.

    ‘Buzzing’ does not a news story make.

  128. 128.

    JPL

    Are we sure that Boehner didn’t release the rumor to stop discussion about his other life. Republicans forgive affairs of the heart with the opposite sex but not the same sex.

  130. 130.

    debbie

    I’m not one for praying, but please let this be true! And please make sure the NYT names names this time around, so they don’t get blasted like they did with the McCain affair.

  132. 132.

    russell

    I always thought Boehner looked like an emcee for a bad Vegas strip show

    He reminds me of Dean Stockwell in Blue Velvet.

    Extramarital affairs are really nobody’s business but the folks involved.

    Extramarital affairs *with lobbyists* are a public matter.

  133. 133.

    someguy

    So I guess nobody read the story. This guy Stark makes up an allegation, confronts the right wing politico with it, then the allegation becomes the story. That’s utterly sleazy, libelous, and immoral and he’s doing it to Boehner.

    I like it.

    Where can we send Stark a donation?

  134. 134.

    Ross Hershberger

    Maybe the lobbyist story is a red herring plant. If there’s something worst threatening to come out – so to speak – then a garden variety dalliance with a lobbyist could cover it up. Start a little fire to stop a big one.

  137. 137.

    Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan

    “Best. Title. EVAH!”

    He resisted “Boehner Boned Her”. Which was a remarkable act of will.

  140. 140.

    TruthOrScare

    I’d also put my money on Pence or someone else strongly connected to the Tea Party/Family Values mobs to be behind this. Boehner is not the beloved of the crazies and with House control looking imminent, the crazies aren’t going to sit still for not having the top perch to direct their vile agenda from. Spend some time on RedState — neither Boehner or Cantor are acceptable to the TPers and the fundies don’t trust them either. My money says this is the opening shot in clearing the way for Pence.

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