Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

We still have time to mess this up!

This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

I was promised a recession.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

No one could have predicted…

An almost top 10,000 blog!

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

You are here: Home / Andrew’s prowess is legendary

Reader Interactions

89Comments

  2. 2.

    Emma

    You know, you have to admire the man’s chutzpah. Yeah, I’m the one who fathered the child out of wedlock, but you can’t talk about it, how about Cuomo’s sex life? There’s gotta be a prize in here somewhere

  3. 3.

    Ash Can

    I’d happily stand by with a new shovel to lend to this guy in case he broke the one he’s digging his hole with, but it appears he’s called in the backhoe, so never mind.

  6. 6.

    Lev

    Is it me, or does that man resemble Babu Bhatt from Seinfeld?

    And Sweet Jesus, is this guy the worst cue card reader in history? Reminds me of Steven Seagal hosting Saturday Night Live.

  7. 7.

    Left Coast Tom

    But what’s Andrew’s opinion of Horse-On-Woman-Sex? Inquiring, or at least insane, minds want to know!

  8. 8.

    mistermix

    Remember, this guy brought his daughter with him to a public rally.

    Also, the Marcellus Shale is the part of NY State where drilling using hydrofracking has been proposed.

  10. 10.

    ChrisNYC

    I’m so glad he’s running. He’s a riot. I particularly like that he made this announcement at exactly 5:13 pm — the razor sharp precision of a true crazy person. Maybe he’s into numerology?

  11. 11.

    beltane

    Grrrrrhh….Andrew Cuomo is pretty decent looking for a politician. Is Paladino trying to sell Cuomo to female voters, because I, for one, am now intrigued.

  12. 12.

    beltane

    @Lev: You are a very bad man.

    As an Italian-American I’d like to say that Carl Paladino’s schtick would sound better in a Brooklyn accent. That western New York nasal thing doesn’t suit his character.

  13. 13.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @mistermix:

    Also, the Marcellus Shale is the part of NY State where drilling using hydrofracking has been proposed.

    Palladino must have been messing with Marcellus Shale’s wife. He’d better watch out before Marcellus Shale goes all medieval on his ass.

  14. 14.

    TooManyJens

    Speaking of Republican nuts:

    Senate Minority Leader Bill Raggio, R-Reno, today endorsed Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in his difficult re-election bid against Republican Sharron Angle.
    __
    In a statement, Raggio described Angle as an “ineffective” four-term assemblywoman who could not get along with others and said only Reid sought his endorsement.
    __
    Angle tried to oust Raggio in the 2008 Republican primary, but lost to the iconic Northern Nevada senator.
    __
    “After losing to me in a primary, during which she ran a very negative campaign and distorted my record, referred to me as a liar and a RINO, I never heard one word from her, or a concession, or an offer of support,” Raggio said. “Instead, she lent aid and comfort to an effort to recall me as State Senator.”

    link

    This is great news for John McCain!

  15. 15.

    Cat

    I hope if I ever, ever, some how lose my senses and end up in front of a video camera I come across a little less brain eating zombie like.

  17. 17.

    Lev

    @beltane: Paladino’s next ad: Vote for me, because Cuomo is the Sarkozy of New York state.

    I just wish that the Republican running for governor here would do something similar. Unfortunately it’s Meg Whitman, and I think she’d rather be shot fifty times than cut a commercial talking about Jerry Brown’s cock. She’s got a lot of “dignity”, by which I mean she’s full of herself.

  18. 18.

    Lev

    Also, it’s been so long since I heard a politician refer to their opponent as anything other than “my opponent”. I actually kind of like that.

  22. 22.

    KG

    @Lev: I wasn’t sure who I was going to vote for in the governor’s race. Then I saw Meg’s commercial where she says, “They say California can’t be governed anymore, I say ‘Baloney’.” Anyone who says “baloney” in a political add, and can’t even say it with the “!”, I just can’t bring myself to vote for them. So I now choose between Brown and a third party… it’ll probably be the third party.

  24. 24.

    jayboat

    Sarcasm, I has it.

    Speed of light, baybee! And it’s complicated.

    Trying to read this thread and watch that ‘interview’ at the same time nearly made my head essplode.

  25. 25.

    Dee Loralei

    I’m surprised she didn’t pull her hair out or crawl through the tv monitor to bitch-clap him at the speed of light. God I need a cigarette and a drink after that Maddow interview.

    ETA: That was a riot.

  28. 28.

    Seebach

    WTF happened on the Maddow interview? Some of us don’t appreciate just random comments with no more info.

  29. 29.

    jayboat

    And now Lou Dobbs is on O’Donnell lying with a straight face.

    Epic night. Bring on the open thread.

  30. 30.

    Larkspur

    @Seebach: Sorry. Some of us type slow, plus we get all in the moment and have to exclaim about stuff. Rachel Maddow attempted to interview an Oregon Republican candidate, Art Robinson or whatever, and he seemed to believe that he was going on the air loaded for bear, and that he was going to totally vaporize Maddow on account of her sarcasm and bias, and it was just cross-talkity talkity talk, and he would not listen to Maddow, and Maddow, as you may or may not have noticed, tends to be quite deferential to guests on her show, and the guy was totally totally pathetic.

    I am not sure this helps.

  32. 32.

    Seebach

    @Larkspur: Thanks. Wasn’t sure if someone got shot or the place burned down or what. Was weird seeing the world exclaim but with no info.

  33. 33.

    Kob1

    I don’t get it. Every definition I look up on-line for “prowess” says something to the effect of “exceptional skill or strength, especially in battle”

  34. 34.

    Lesley

    Carl Paladino is a living, breathing, walking, talking toilet. Unflushed. And he wants your money. Send what you can.

  35. 35.

    Dee Loralei

    He kept filibustering her and calling her sarcastic and saying she was playing gotcha journalism what with her quoting his own writings and newsletter and all. And then he mentioned how he had taught many many students over the years but that he would not have been able to teach her, imlpying she was slow and too talky and not deferential to the great professor of a life science on why global warming is made up, we need more radiation and nuclear waste because of hermanousis ( sp?) And how AIDS was really a government conspiracy because they kept adding diseases under the umbrella of HIV/AIDS in order to keep the death toll up high for politics. He also thinks public education needs to be abolished which is fucking rich from a college professor.

    Rachel’s physical reactions were what made it entirely hilarious. You really must catch the re-run or the you tube of it.

    ETA: She was like Lucielle Ball with her elastic face and physical responses. It was funny

  36. 36.

    arguingwithsignposts

    @Dee Loralei:

    He kept filibustering her and calling her sarcastic and saying she was playing gotcha journalism what with her quoting his own writings and newsletter and all.

    Shorter Art: No, you can’t subscribe to my newsletter, even if you’re interested in my ideas.

  38. 38.

    JCT

    Wow, I need a shower after that Paladino spot. Why do people waste their votes on psychos?

    And +1 re: Maddow. I thought she was going to really start laughing. Nutcases are just coming out of the woodwork AND running for office.

  40. 40.

    r€nato

    I kinda hope a teabagger gets elected somewhere, governor or better. I can’t think of any better insurance for victory in 2012 than one of these walking gaffe machines.

  42. 42.

    DonkeyKong

    Carl Paladino is Joe Pesci as Tommy DeVito doing an impersonation of Silvio Berlusconi dreamt by a cockroach.

  44. 44.

    Rommie

    Okay, when it’s so bad that Data would either start laughing, or go into his Stop, Stop, Stop routine, that’s another Wingnut skillup point. Just wow.

  45. 45.

    Larkspur

    I think a person should really avoid trying to characterize a Rhodes scholar as dimwitted. It maketh no sense. And refusing to listen to an intact 15 year-old quote made by your own self, thereby refudiating an opportunity to clarify, update, or reinforce your own 15 year-old quote? Churlish, I tells ya. Just churlish. But wonderfully revealing.

    Watch with an alcoholic beverage of your choice, unless you are a FOB, in which case you should maybe not watch. Or alternatively, you could brew up a pot of rose sencha tea, which is my non-alcoholic beverage of choice.

    Damn. This world has roses in it. And green tea. And a drinkable combination of the two. Truly, this is paradise. I cannot believe I keep forgetting.

    I am taking care of two pugs and a household. Thus I have an elsewhere to be. But I love knowing y’all are out there, every last one of you.

  46. 46.

    kommrade reproductive vigor

    AIDS was really a government conspiracy because they kept adding diseases under the umbrella of HIV/AIDS in order to keep the death toll up high for politics.

    OK, this son of a bitch I just want to beat with a Louisville Slugger.

  47. 47.

    Oscarbob

    @fucen tarmal:

    You’re exactly right. Stark raving crazy has not hurt Bachman and Angle. This election cycle really scares me, it really does seem to be voters completely willing to cast their votes for people who want to eviscerate them. We are sheeple. +6

  52. 52.

    gbear

    @Oscarbob:

    Being crazy is finally starting to hurt Bachmann. I took a scooter ride thru the eastern portion of her district yesterday and the lack of Bachmann lawn signs was rather stunning. Way way less than two years ago. There were more signs for her opponent, Taryl Clark.

    (This might be because the rich conservatives live in the east part of her district. The batshit crazy conservatives are more to the northwest side.)

  53. 53.

    b-psycho

    How would he know his prowess were legendary without…witnessing a…demonstration of his sexual gift?

    OMG! Carl has been watching Andrew Cuomo fuck. And probably getting off on the footage too, especially after he adds some choice 80’s quiet storm in the background.

  54. 54.

    Bubblegum Tate

    For some reason, I keep hearing Vince Vaughn in The Wedding Crashers. “I’m a cocksman!”

  55. 55.

    JAHILL10

    @map106: This! Hilarious! And why would anyone want to listen to one filthy word out of this sociopath’s mouth? “Prowess”? Really?

  57. 57.

    Mark S.

    @b-psycho:

    How would he know his prowess were legendary without…witnessing a…demonstration of his sexual gift?

    Maybe Cuomo won a Nobel Prize for Fucking. That’s still one of the categories, right?

  58. 58.

    Brian J

    Being in New York, it makes me feel a little better that Paladino will get trounced in a few weeks. But when I think of other parts of the country that could very well elect someone like Rand Paul or Sharron Angle, I am not sure what to say. Part of me wants to think that the chances of them getting something like 60 seats are pretty slim. It looks like they will take the House, but by a small enough margin that we should be able to retake in 2012, and I just can’t see them taking the Senate barring some circumstances where the Democrats do in fact lose 60 or 70 or 80 seats in the House. Most of the places where they are ahead by considerable margins are already in the hands of Republicans, and while there’s always a chance they could do well enough to take it, they’d have to quite literally run the table. Things will be bad for the Democrats, but will they be bad enough so that Boxer, Sestak, Murray, Bennet, Schumer, Gillibrand, Feingold*, and Blumenthal win? I don’t see it.

    I wish I could trade. I could take a poorly run New York for a few years versus a poorly run country for possibly even longer. But I guess if voters in Nevada and Kentucky want to elect Angle and Paul, they deserve what they get. I won’t be surprised when people act shocked that Paul does, in fact, want to chop away at Medicaid, for instance.

    *Speaking of which, WTF is happening in Wisconsin? How is this no-name guy doing so well against an established brand like Feingold?

  61. 61.

    Skippy-san

    Don’t laugh too hard-this is exactly what makes a lot of sense to the Teabag nation. It is only a smear when its directed at them-when they do it, it is righteous anger. To quote Matt Taibbi, ” You look into the eyes of these people when you talk to them and they genuinely don’t see what the problem is.”

    But they talk and they persuade others to be just as stupid as they are.

    Nixon said he had a plan too……………..

  62. 62.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    @mistermix:

    where drilling using hydrofracking has been proposed…

    I thought you had either made a typo or invented a new word when I read “hydrofracking”… or mebbe were just being flip…

    And then I realized, oh that’s what it’s called… and then it seemed really, really appropriate, in a another way, considering how much damage it does in the process…

    I has a sad… I’m from upstate… and it used to be a really, really clean, pretty place…

  63. 63.

    The Republic of Stupidity

    Actually…

    Andy should be thanking Carl for that one…

    To quote Paul Newman from ‘Hud’…

    “Relax, Andy, you can charge a stud fee by the time that story gets around…”

  64. 64.

    Brian J

    @r€nato:

    I think so, at least on my more hopeful days. Unless things get really, really, really bad for the Democrats, I don’t think we will lose so many seats in the House that it won’t be possible to take it back in 2012. At the same time, there’s no guarantee that some of the more insane candidates running won’t stick around for a while. Joe Miller, for instance, could easily be a senator from Alaska for a few decades, even with the Democrats in control the entire time, and something tells me he won’t be anything but a gigantic pain in the ass to our side the entire time. Victory, even a temporary one, will make these people feel empowered.

  65. 65.

    Brian J

    @gbear:

    Any chance of her being sent back to Minnesota? Having that lunatic out of the House might make up for losing it, if it comes to that.

  66. 66.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @jayboat:

    I saw it and I live in DeFazio’s district. There are tons of his signs around town and very few for DeFazio (very conservative retirement community here). We barely went for Obama (our county) but this guy has supporters all over our area. Some have had the city come to their homes to have them remove the huge signs that violate city ordinance. One of the supporters live in a duplex with our postal delivery lady on the other side. The postal lady has Democratic Underground and Obama stickers on her personal rig and the neighbor on the other side has Robinson yard signs (at the legal limit now) and a magnetic Robinson sign on their rig.

    Quite the contrast!

    Robinson is fucking nuts, end of story. His support is knee-jerk because he is a good Christian and Republican, and that’s the depth of it. As DeFazio said, “He lives on a small compound in a corner of the district… “. Compound is absolutely right, Art is fucking nuts and he has built his own personal world at his compound that is centered around his brand of craziness. The government and AMA are keeping his brilliant discoveries from the people, all so they can continue to profit from the system they have built. His campaign brochure is a rambling mess with some pretty strange family pics included. The guy comes at you like a shotgun blast of craziness.

    I love his brilliant idea about dissolving nuclear waste in water and spraying it in a thin layer over our oceans. Maybe even over land if his research is correct and it turns out that small doses of radiation are actually good for us.

    Like I said, he is fucking nuts and there are actually people who will be more than happy to vote for him.

  68. 68.

    Brian J

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:

    This is what confuses me so much. I get that people are angry, for all sorts of reasons, and the natural reaction is to assume that a change of the guard will be a good thing. But when these people are running on a platform, which isn’t often, they are usually so far outside the mainstream, it’s hard to describe. Yet, people will gladly vote for them.

    I don’t always enjoy feeling like this, but in some cases, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t get angry. These people deserve the individuals they vote for and all of the ignorance, stupidity, and extreme positions that come along with them.

  69. 69.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Martin:

    I’m down here in Brookings. Someone from DeFazio’s crew called our house today and asked me about my support. I told her that ‘DeFazio has our vote, we ain’t voting for someone who is batshit insane’. The lady and I laughed and I told her to get off the phone with me and go get ’em. No need to waste her time worrying about our vote, they have it!

    As much as Art has his supporters, I think DeFazio is going to win this one but with the atmosphere today? Can’t risk it. I argue local politics with my friends and customers, many of them conservative, and I can tell that many of them are pretty nervous about the direction (or lack) of their party. They are not confident about anything, no crowing and such. They know we are in deep shit and they are really starting to worry about it.

    Whether or not they go off the deep end remains to be seen. I hope not.

  70. 70.

    gbear

    @That’s Master of Accountancy to You, Pal (JMN):
    @Brian J:
    Are the folks in St. Cloud still wild about Michele? If I had to judge by the Stillwater side of her district, I’d be ever so slightly optomistic that she might get dumped. And there would be much rejoicing!

    There’s some talk of her running against Klobuchar for senate in a couple years. If she does that, she’s toast. The rest of the state is REALLY sick of her.

  71. 71.

    Davis X. Machina

    @gbear: They’ll vote for her in the privacy of the booth, or wherever they fill out an absentee ballot.

    They won’t own the crazee in public, maybe, but they still love it in private.

    Think of it as the ‘Bradley effect’, just not based on race, based on “Fuck yeah!” instead.

  72. 72.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Brian J:

    What’s crazy is that they’re pissed at the fuckers they voted into office, the same fucking pols that we’ve been pointing out the craziness of for years. Now they are taking that anger out on their crazy pols by voting for the craziest motherfuckers they can dig up for their primaries.

    I’ve heard of doubling down on a bet but this is insane.

  73. 73.

    Brian J

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:

    The fact that Teabaggers are winning Republican primaries isn’t surprising. Primaries are usually dominated by bases.

    What’s so perplexing is that the Republicans are doing so well in areas that are, at worst (for our side), mildly red or, at best, actually blue. Wave elections aren’t always controlled by anything sensible. I’m sure we were helped by all sorts of tangential things in 2006 and 2008. Moreover, parties who control the White House usually lose some seats in the midterms. And course, the economy isn’t helping anyone. All things considered, it won’t surprise me that they are doing well.

    But there’s pretty much no coherence to their platform, if you can even call it that. It’s an odd mix of all sorts of social/non-economic issues like “Obama is a nigger,” “THE FUCKING MUSLIMS ARE COMING TO GET US,” and “OMGOMGOMGOGMGOOMGOMGOMG THE GAYZZZ!!!!” combined with the bizarre idea that the stimulus didn’t help. In other words, ask the average voter in any district across the country, and I bet you will little besides, “They aren’t Democrats.” Part of the problem is that we did win in a lot of mildly red to solidly red areas, but you’d think that even in these areas, even in a year that’s bad for the Democrats, voters would ask for something resembling a plan.

  74. 74.

    Evolved Deep Southerner

    @Brian J: Yeah, the people who vote for these crazy bitches and sons of bitches deserve them. But I sure as fuck don’t. That’s the problem. Sensible people are trapped down here, man.

  75. 75.

    catclub

    @Brian J:If unemployment were at 7% or so instead of 9.6% or higher, then Obama is a genius and the world is wonderful. Can you imagine how badly Bush and the Republicans would have been beaten if unemployment were at 9.6% plus there were two wars going on?
    For the 2006 elections unemployment was where? And teh Democrats still took both houses.

  76. 76.

    Kinky Beats

    @Brian J:

    To quote HL Mencken, a favorite of mine:

    “Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard”.

  77. 77.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    @Brian J:

    I keep wondering aloud lately if this is how the Romans felt as their civilization dissolved around them. I just watched the Maddow/Robinson segment with our daughter and she was in absolute amazement that the Repubs here consider him a good candidate for office. His face was getting redder and redder as the show went on and it was clear that he was totally pissed by the end. I bet he got off the air and blew a gasket afterward.

    The guy comes across as a total asshole but that I hear that is considered a plus in the republican party of today.

  78. 78.

    JWL

    You’ve got to credit Paladino this much: he didn’t stoop to referring to his family’s cocker spaniel.

  79. 79.

    victory

    “Andrew’s prowess is legendary”

    This would be a great tee shirt addition to the balloon juice store.

    Or, perhaps, like football jerseys, you can make it so the purchaser can put their own name in “Andrew’s” place.

    This is up there with “I know of all internet traditions”

  81. 81.

    PhysicistDave

    Well, guys: your problem is that no one watches MSNBC any longer: I just caught the Robinson-Maddow thing because some other network had a commercial and I was channel -surfing.

    I voted for Howard Dean in ’04 in the Dem primary; I’m an atheist with a Ph.D. from Stanford in physics; and, for obvious reasons, I disagree with the Repubs on religion, abortion, etc.

    But, I’m voting a straight Republican ticket this year to send a message to the Dems that I am not happy with the taxing/spending/deficit. So, are most of the people I know here in Sacramento county.

    You think I’m making this up? Fine. Watch any network of your choice on the evening of Nov. 2. I think I may watch Rachel that evening just to see her cry.

    Dave Miller in Sacramento

  82. 82.

    Bailey

    PhysicistDave, your message sending seems a little odd. You’re not happy with the taxing/spending/deficit and so you’ll vote straight Republican? Those stalwarts of reduced spending and deficit reduction? What, may I ask, are you basing your reasoning on Republicans being the responsible fiscal party on?

  83. 83.

    Ripley

    System Message: This thread will be closed for repairs due to an unplanned craniorectal event in comment #81. Normal operations will resume shortly.

  88. 88.

    tjproudamerican

    I am a NY state resident and voter. I am from upstate and wonder how anyone can believe a candidate for Governor who says he will cut spending 20%.

    In NY State there is a constant battle between “upstate” and “downstate” and usually an upstate loon does not have a chance anyway. But imagine a 20% Budget cut. That is a lot of Parks closing, hospitals losing payments, etc. Factor in Downstate vs. Upstate and you have a blueprint for a civil war.

    What I want to know is why someone like Paladino even wants to run. He is a businessman known for his ties to government and his disregard for aesthetics and the common good.

    These must be the Last Days because angry clowns have come from their caves to rule us and other angry clowns fire up the RV’s to travel around angrily protesting life passing them by.

  89. 89.

    Will

    A comment from the NYPost article on the same subject:

    I am a former Paladino fan and I set up monthly payments to him from my credit card. the bottom part said that I could not use this as a tax write off. Next thing I knew I knew nothing. No signs came to staten island, no office that had been promised, no t shirts, no campaign literature, not even an email acknowledging that people were waiting to go out and campaign for him. I don’t know much about money laundering but maybe the Post could pick this up. when you go to paladinos website, you can buy YOUR OWN Paladino tshirt. He provides nothing. I think you hit a raw nerve in me and many people who had their money and dreams stolen by this guy.

    “Money and dreams stolen by this guy”. Doesn’t that just break your heart?

Comments are closed.