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Just been swamped all day, and my allergies are really, really bad. Either that or I have pneumonia. Or asthma. Or lung cancer. Emphysema?

In case it is pneumonia, I am going to try to kill the virus/bacteria with alcohol. I have a rather large vodka tonic solely for medicinal purposes right next to me. It might take a couple to make sure the bug is dead. Or maybe I’m having a heart attack and this will be my last post ever.

Reader Interactions

136Comments

  1. 1.

    Anne Laurie

    Enjoy your evening. Tomorrow, make a medical appointment to find out if it is pneumonia. And then start looking for a competent allergist, because even if you can’t be cured you shouldn’t be this miserable for this long twice a year!

  2. 2.

    General Stuck

    In case it is pneumonia, I am going to try to kill the virus/bacteria with alcohol.

    This will work, but it needs to be with an IV drip and grain alcohol for the precious bodily fluids thingy. It worked for me once, while battling a life threatening bout of sobriety.

  3. 3.

    abo gato

    Be thankful you don’t live in San Antonio….the allergens in the air here kick everyone’s ass. It’s like the clearing house for things to make your eyes swell and itch and your head be clogged.

    I’ve found that liberal applications of shots of tequila are helpful. Maybe they would benefit you as well.

  4. 4.

    Restrung

    exactly how I felt a couple of weeks ago. ER docs said it was just asthma, but that was after the EKG and chest X-ray. They also said lay off the ciggies.

  5. 5.

    MeDrewNotYou

    Have you ever considered becoming a doctor? Because I would totally visit you.

    “Dr. Cole, I think I just coughed up part of my lung.”
    “Hmm. A few shots of vodka ought to clear that right up.”
    “Thanks doc!”

    Just don’t prescribe an alcohol enema, okay?

  8. 8.

    cathyx

    Well if you’re going to die, at least have a really good meal too. In honor of my husband being out of town tonight, I’m having a really good steak and a nice bottle of red wine.

  9. 9.

    General Stuck

    @cathyx:

    In honor of my husband being out of town tonight, I’m having a really good steak and a nice bottle of red wine.

    Shameful trollop.

  10. 10.

    Roger Moore

    In case it is pneumonia, I am going to try to kill the virus/bacteria with alcohol.

    Just be damned careful about mixing that medicinal alcohol with any other medicine, like allergy meds.

  11. 11.

    gregw

    I just moved to Central Oregon after living 25 years in the Willamette Valley which is the pollen capital of the world. For the first time in 25 years I don’t have the allergy problems. At least at this time of the year here. Crossing my fingers for the rest of the year.

    I know you will never leave your beloved WV but hang in there.

  13. 13.

    JPL

    Just in case you die during the middle of the night, could you pretty please take pictures of the pets now.

  14. 14.

    Restrung

    I’d be more concerned about the tonic than the claritin.

    edit: ok, that was a weird comment. +2.

  17. 17.

    gregw

    @John Cole:

    I had a claritin at 8 am. I shoud be good, no?

    mmm. not a chance if that’s all the drugs you’re taking. Jeeze, how about a benadryl every 4 hours, plus the booze. How else to get some sleep?

  18. 18.

    JPL

    @John Cole: Claritin does not make you drowsy because it’s diluted. If your allergies are acting up take benadryl.
    Ah, once again I’m slow to respond. You can take more than the recommended dose of benadryl but not with alcohol sorry to say.

  19. 19.

    suzanne

    @John Cole: According to my docs, even the newer antihistamines can just stop working in some people. If Claritin’s not working for you anymore, try Zyrtec or Allegra. Or get yourself on one of the corticosteroids like Flonase or Rhinocort.

  21. 21.

    JGabriel

    John Cole:

    I had a claritin at 8 am. I shoud be good, no?

    Are you kidding? That will have worn off by now. Take more, add some pseudephedrine and caffeine so you don’t fall asleep, plus the pseudoephedrine will help with your sinuses, and some ambien just for the hell of it.

    Then call up everyone you know. And BLOG about it.

    Don’t worry. You won’t remember it in the morning. Good times.

    .

  22. 22.

    parsimon

    my allergies are really, really bad. Either that or I have pneumonia.

    You know, something odd like that seems to be going around in the mid-Atlantic area, anyway. My housemate just got over the worst week and a half of seemingly coughing his lungs out non-stop (truly awful, with near whimpering and gagging), yet no accompanying fever, just sinus congestion. He’d been thinking allergies except for the cough.

    A visit to the doc to check for pneumonia confirmed that it was not pneumonia, something unspecified, but a 5-day course of antibiotics did clear it up.

    Get thee to a doc!

  24. 24.

    ellie

    My allergies are really bad today. I have never had allergies before this year and I am 45 years old.

  25. 25.

    gregw

    @suzanne:

    get yourself on one of the corticosteroids like Flonase or Rhinocort.

    I took them religiously for years. They must be taken all the time, they won’t help on an instantaneous basis, and I still had year around allergies. Mine were so bad that the mucous would make me physically ill, as in puking from “post nasal drip.”

    Cole, I feel your pain. (heh)

  28. 28.

    South of I-10

    My child is at my parents’ house. My husband is sick too, which is why I am here talking to you, instead of tailgating at the ULL/OK State game, or out to eat with friends, or at Downtown Alive or, well, you get the picture. I am trying to get him well enough to go to Festivals Acadiens tomorrow. I would hate to have to abandon him in his current state.

  30. 30.

    Quicksand

    @suzanne:

    According to my docs, even the newer antihistamines can just stop working in some people. If Claritin’s not working for you anymore, try Zyrtec or Allegra

    Agree, and then some. Claritin NEVER worked for me. Zyrtec works a little, and so does Allegra. Benadryl works great, but hits me very hard — and gives me a hangover the next morning.

    Now Seldane, that stuff was AWESOME! But it had the unfortunate side effect of killing some people, so the soshialist nanny-state government made them take it off the market.

  31. 31.

    JPL

    John, Claritin is non drowsy because it is fairly weak in treating allergic responses. Take something else.

    EDIT The happy hour blog down below is pretty depressing…Maybe you should take benadryl with a glass of vodka.

  33. 33.

    South of I-10

    @cathyx: I am having some wine! The steak sounds quite tasty too. I just stuffed myself full of this season’s inaugural gumbo.

  36. 36.

    Roger Moore

    @John Cole:

    I had a claritin at 8 am.

    You should be OK as long as you’re not one of the small fraction of people who get drowsy from Claritin. I was thinking of classic antihistamines like Benadryl, which have synergistic effects with alcohol.

  40. 40.

    beltane

    @JPL: Am I the only person whom Claritin has no effect on? Tic-tacs work better for me and they do not work at all.

  41. 41.

    John O

    This year is the worst allergy year by consensus in a long long time.

    Suburban Chicago.

    Allergies are idiosyncratic and wildly variable even in individuals over time so I say all the remedies posted here except for treating whatever symptoms you have are jerk off.

    As a kid I woke up without being able to open my eyes from allergic swelling and oozing and subsequent crusting. To this day, I just accept I’m going to have a drag for a month or two late summer/early fall, but I’ve grown out of the worst of it.

    Vodka works as good as anything depending on how you react to it. I assume if you’re like most you’ll at least care less about your symptoms.

    Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

  44. 44.

    debit

    I have had a shitty week where there were two bright spots: kittens at work and the most incredible Italian Beef sandwich in the world today for lunch. I’m going to jump on the treadmill now and think about drinking heavily later.

  45. 45.

    Rhoda

    So, I finally understand the foreclosure mess thanks to this article.

    *****

    What is the foreclosure problem? In some cases, as part of foreclosure proceedings, banks submitted affidavits that were flawed. That could be an administrative issue. However, consider that the affidavits often were submitted in place of promissory notes that cover the actual debt. It is possible the promissory notes, in some cases, actually were mislaid or destroyed as lenders tried to keep pace with the frenzied housing boom.

    While that wouldn’t in itself negate a mortgage claim, it could mean the bank needs more documentation to proceed with a foreclosure. Given sometimes haphazard record keeping, even that may not be possible in some cases. At the least, such problems give attorneys representing homeowners more chances to contest and lengthen foreclosure proceedings. At worst, they can freeze them altogether.

    Meanwhile, legal issues are swirling around the role of a company known as Mortgage Electronic Registration Systems, or MERS. It played a key role in the mortgage boom, helping firms package and sell mortgages without having to record each transaction with county offices.

    This was done by showing MERS as the holder of the mortgage, something that confers the right to foreclose and seize the underlying property, even as the promissory note was transferred to third-party investors. The trouble is that MERS’s legal standing has been questioned because it doesn’t also own the actual debt; traditionally, the mortgage and note weren’t split between different parties. Top courts in four states have said MERS can’t foreclose. If more state courts adopt this position, it could throw further doubt on foreclosure proceedings.

    Again, that raises the prospect of higher legal fees for banks, or worse. It isn’t clear who is on the hook for these extra costs: banks or the investors in mortgage-backed securities they represent through their servicing arms.

    Also, is it possible that securitization trusts may find they have provisions to put back more bad loans to the banks because of such problems with the documentation.

    Gauging the actual profit threat is tough. In some cases, banks may perversely benefit from a prolonged foreclosure process, due to the complex workings of some securitization trusts.

    But as the contents of Pandora’s mortgage box are slowly revealed, bank investors should fear what is still inside.

    ****

    I think the President should call Congress back in session and deal with this NOW and put the cards on the table; remind people exactly what shit this Congress and this President inherited in 2009.

  46. 46.

    Sentient Puddle

    Austin City Limits this weekend, and I got high school friends from out of town laying claim to my house during. Nothing like having company to force you to clean up…and make you realize just how motherfucking disgusting your place is. Fuck.

  50. 50.

    parsimon

    @debit:

    kittens

    Aargh. A friend is pressing a kitten adoption upon my household. We’d had four cats, then three, then two and one, all passing away over the course of the last two years, and it was … difficult. Aged, beloved cats.

    Cat-free for the first time in 20 years, I’m enjoying it! Do I really want to take on a kitten now, a year later? No, I don’t. But … kitten! (A male, apparently, cute and friendly beyond words, currently living in the woods outside my friend’s house. Needs a home.) Aargh.

  52. 52.

    Restrung

    anyone notice that google.com got John Lennon’s birthday wrong today? It’s still up there. Or is number 9, number 9… wrong somehow? I know big G doesn’t own wikipedia, so wtf.

  55. 55.

    something fabulous

    Don’t worry, John! I am sure I am not alone in my offer to begin to drink medicinally FOR you! Between us, we should get this all cleared up in a jiffy…

    [off to make a vodka-based curative]

  57. 57.

    John O

    @Greenhouse Guy:

    If I had omniscient superpowers I would grow horns and a barbed tail out of Brent Bozo that he couldn’t get rid of no matter what he did.

    They would appear first when he was on national TV. The rest would take care of itself.

  60. 60.

    Annie

    Just returned from Happy Hour with my graduate students. I hate the fact that I feel incredibly old, and they are really, really young.

    Had to fight the urge to impart words of wisdom when all I wanted was to go home and relax, while they were just getting started. Try hard not to remind them that I am their parents age…That will truly kill the moment.

  62. 62.

    The Pale Scot

    No No, to kill germs you use Jameson’s 12 yr old.

    Mum would give me a couple of ladles at night.

    The Adult dosage is 3/4 of bottle and 2 aspirin in 3 hrs. Adjust for weight. You might be hung over but there won’t be a single germ left.

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @The Pale Scot: A long time ago, I read about the following cold remedy. Draw a hot, hot bath. Pour glass of whisky or brandy. Get in bath. Drink glass.* Refill glass Drink glass. Continue this process until the bath water has cooled to body temperature. Get out of tub. Dry off. Go to bed. In the morning, you are supposed to be well.

    * Drink by sipping. I know it seems wrong, but it is some kind of medical thing.

    ETA: Why is my footnote in bold? FYWP

  66. 66.

    The Pale Scot

    Yea, Claritin sucks, it’s non-drowsy ’cause the dosage is weak, take 3 if you really want it to work.

    But benadryl is the best, if you not driving take 2 or 3, the ones with decongestant are more effective. It takes awhile, but you do get past the drowsies with benadryl, and its the most effective of the over the counter stuff. try taking two in the morning, two at nite.

  68. 68.

    John O

    @TooManyJens:

    This would be where? I’m supposed to meet Dan Seals at noon, who is going to get my vote (IL-10), but is simply too nice a guy for my tastes and preferences at this particular point in American history, plus I’ve met him a couple times already.

    TMJ, your offer sounds better. And I’m hoping I could bring Dweezil.

  69. 69.

    stuckinred

    @Annie: I feel ya. I don’t teach but we are up to our ears in students here in Athens. It keeps you young(er) but damn. Do you remember old folks hangin when you were their age? We had this famous (it turned out, we didn’t really know it) photography prof that was a WWII vet. He’d come to the bars and big parties but didn’t stay long.

  70. 70.

    Mnemosyne

    @Annie:

    Had to fight the urge to impart words of wisdom when all I wanted was to go home and relax, while they were just getting started. Try hard not to remind them that I am their parents age…That will truly kill the moment.

    It’s funny, my boss came staggering into work yesterday because one of the people we do business with had kept her out until about 1:30 am. My boss is in her mid-60s and this client is in her mid-80s.

    So I guess you get your second wind sometime in your 80s.
    ;-)

  71. 71.

    burnspbesq

    Jeez. The word “hapless” was invented to describe the Reds’ play over the last three innings. “Pathetic” is a close second.

    Stuck, as a long-time Phillies hater, I am taking this personally.

  73. 73.

    burnspbesq

    Also too: do not buy vinyl from Amazon. Their packing practices leave much to be desired.

  74. 74.

    burnspbesq

    @Mnemosyne:

    Earle M. Jorgensen was still coming to the office every day when he was 99. Guess he felt he had to do penance for helping persuade Reagan to run for Governor in 1966.

  75. 75.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @stuckinred: Some could. My fraternity always had the all campus party on Parents’ Weekend, a James Bond themed thingie. There would always be two or three parents who would be able to be up until 4am drinking straight scotch or martinis. Usually the last one standing would be some quiet, studious guy’s mom who knew more bawdy stories than one could ever have imagined.

  79. 79.

    General Stuck

    @burnspbesq:

    I turned the game off after the missed flyball by Bruce. As a Reds fan, not too depressed, after ten straight losing seasons, getting to the playoffs will do for now. Next year, and thereafter, the Reds have the fixings for another Big Red Machine, or even better.

    Same goes for the Wildcats.

  81. 81.

    morzer

    @John O:

    Dunno about that. New Joizey certainly has enough Italian beeves that one of them must surely be superlative…

  84. 84.

    JMY

    Can I vent a little?

    Whenever people talk about the military, they use phrases such as, “The soldiers fight for our freedoms” or “They sacrifice to protect us from danger” and I find myself getting irritated with those statements b/c it is not the truth, at least in this day and age. I was called unpatriotic and a traitor by some dude in a discussion about the military and the War On Terror. I respect the soldiers for what they do b/c that is an enormous sacrifice and they have no say in what they are ordered to do, so my irritation w/those phrases is not directed toward them, but toward our government.

    I don’t buy that the military fights for our freedoms or our protection. The government sends these soldiers to fight for the economic and political interests of the U.S. government. We the citizens don’t benefit from it. Al-Qaeda doesn’t care about our freedoms and can’t take away our freedoms. The government can take away our freedoms and harm us more than any terrorist group can. By that logic, the military should be protecting us from our own government (Not advocating a military coup d’état)

    The hostility towards the US is b/c of this country’s history of bullying less powerful nations, especially in the Middle East. Praising our democracy and claiming to influence democracy around the world, yet bombing countries when we want to, supporting dictators who support us, but against dictators who don’t obey our commands. Fighting for our freedoms and protections was valid during the Cold War, when the Soviets posed a huge threat to the country, yet we still seem to have a Cold War mentality. We could easily put a tremendous curb on terrorism by treating the Middle East as equals, providing diplomatic support for all, drastically changing our relationship with Israel and recognize Palestine and provide economic support for Palestine, but we refuse to do it. We will never realize that force doesn’t work.

    That’s something that’s been bothering me, and I don’t mean to offend those in the military currently, veterans, or people who have family or friends in the military (My Uncle retired for the Marines this year after 20+ years of service) I just think that for decades, our government had done you wrong.

  85. 85.

    stuckinred

    @Omnes Omnibus: My old man used to come for Illini games and get in on a student ticket. One game about 10 of us went outside of the stadium to spark up and he followed behind arriving just as we started passing it around. It was pretty funny when he did the pivot!

  86. 86.

    John O

    @morzer:

    Fair enough. I’ve been to Joisey several times, but never had an IB there.

    I don’t order pizza in different locales for similar reasons. It’s all admittedly weird since I can eat frozen IB and pizza in general.

  87. 87.

    stuckinred

    @JMY: And you propose to do what with this information? Let me give you the benefit of an old military saying, “I don’t mean nuthin, fuck it and drive on”.

  89. 89.

    South of I-10

    Alrighty! We are less than 3 minutes in and OK State has a field goal. The Cajuns are gonna get killed.

  91. 91.

    TooManyJens

    @John O: It’s going to be in Grant Park. I think it will be concurrent with the DC rally (which would make it 11am to 3pm Central time, I think), but they don’t have all the details sorted out yet.

  92. 92.

    morzer

    @John O:

    I am not an advocate for Joizey cuisine, just a misunderstood humorist. Think of the Godfather when you discuss superlative Italian beeves….

  96. 96.

    jl

    Some one going to do a welfare check on Cole?

    Cripes, he posts these health whines and then talks about drinking the pains away, then there are multiple drug suggestions in the comments to go along with the booze.

    Let’s chip in and get the dude to an allergist. Do they have allergists in WV?

    Hope Cole both survives and feels better, even after he sobers up.

  99. 99.

    lamh32

    That just sound sad JohnC. From one singleton to another hope ya feel better…but hate to bust your bubble, alcohol aint’ gonna work, but as a quick “I’m too drunk to realize how sick I am” fix, it’s might work like gangbusters!

  101. 101.

    David Fud

    @South of I-10: You apparently keep track of my alma mater better than I do. When I went there, we won a game or two – over the course of four years.

    I turned to basketball and Eddie Sutton since I couldn’t handle such an asswhipping of our walk-on football team.

    Anyhow, here’s to OSU beating the Cajuns.

  102. 102.

    David Fud

    @South of I-10: You apparently keep track of my alma mater better than I do. When I went there, we won a game or two – over the course of four years.

    I turned to basketball and Eddie Sutton since I couldn’t handle such an asswhipping of our walk-on football team.

    Anyhow, here’s to OSU beating the Cajuns.

  106. 106.

    lamh32

    So I’m off to bed soon, going back to work tomorrow, been off for Seven Whole Days So, I was updating my Netflix queue and what should pop up as a suggestion, but my favoritissttt (sp?) super hero evah!!!

    Wonder Woman

    Who can forget the spin, the lasso of truth, and the bulletproof golden wristcuffs!!

    Is is sad, that I was so excited the DVD are available for season 1, 2, and 3, that I posted them at the top of my queue, and I evne found video on YouTube. So brace yourselves BJ, before I go off to dreamland ya’ll bout to be bombarded with some Wonder Woman video. Thx u YouTube Gods!

    I can still practically recite the theme song verbatim down to and including musical accompaniment: Wonder Woman Theme Song Verson One

    I also read recently, that they are contemplating a new Wonder Woman TV show, and they are always talking about a Wonder Woman movie! I gotta tell ya, either way, I’m gonna be the first one there. Sad but true. Goodnight

  112. 112.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    Illicit posting from work. Store is dead, although we’ve already made plan for the day–and the week. Put out the “Gone fishin'” sign and pack it in, I say. Can’t wait to get home and blow down a frosty. But that’s two hours away. Ugh. Hold one for me.

  114. 114.

    Svensker

    @JMY:

    Yes. Thanking them for fighting for our freedom irritates the crap out of me. They aren’t fighting for “our freedom”. Some of them are good kids/people who are trying to do something patriotic, some of them are just there for the job or because the boyfriend was an asshole or because mom and dad are irritating or because they couldn’t think of anything else to do at the moment (that was me, when I went in the military back then). Others of them are real fuckups. You know, because they are people, just like everyone else in the world.

    And don’t get me started on “warrior”. That shit really pisses me off.

  116. 116.

    Huevo

    You may be remembered solely for pretweeting the heart attack that kills you and ending it with “last post ever.” No one will remember anything else.

  118. 118.

    jl

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    “Or tomorrow we may get a post from Tunch

    I had a human, but I eated him.”

    Could happen. Cole’s animals have made some dramatic headway recently in their effort to destroy Cole.

    If they decide to keep Cole alive, will they make ‘Cole gear’ for us to buy?

  119. 119.

    Svensker

    About that allergy thing… I started sneezing about 2 hours ago and can’t stop. My eyes are squinched up like little pig eyes, my nose is red and my heart is pounding cuz I’m so frigging allergic. What the hell is this all about?

  122. 122.

    Annie

    @stuckinred:

    LOL. My greatest fear is that I am just like my father, a WWII vet and one of the dearest people ever, who used to retell his war stories to all new friends I brought home.

    When I talk I don’t want my students politely moving away thinking OMG she isn’t going to tell that field story again, is she? Peace Corps in the 80s — yikes, I wasn’t even born. War in Bosnia, wasn’t that while I was still in high school? I don’t want to be that “old person. It is fine line I walk….

    @Mnemosyne:

    Thanks. Good to know that still have 30 years to hit my stride.

  124. 124.

    morzer

    @jl:

    I suspect Tunch likes being Shogun to John Cole’s powerless emperor. If they do destroy him, where will they find another human being as pliable and as good with a can-opener?

  125. 125.

    madmommy

    @South of I-10:

    It is Louisiana. That the tailgating food is awesome is a foregone conclusion. I have even been known to brave that hellhole known as Death Valley just to score some tailgate food.

  128. 128.

    Redshirt

    @JMY: Amen. I believe all that, but it don’t matter anymore. We’re in the gears of Empire and they grind on their own now. We’re not going to ever be plucky little America, minding her own business again. Unless the Repuglican wreck us, and we revert back to some agrarian-sorcerer based economy.

  133. 133.

    Ash Can

    @John O: I’m in Chicago, and I have allergy symptoms this fall for the first time in at least 30 years. Maybe menopause has something to do with it, but really, WTF?

    @jeffreyw: Your sausage gravy and biscuits pic from earlier today is still haunting me. Years ago, when the husband and I were still childless and running off for weekends on the back roads of Wisconsin every other month, I half-joked to him that I was on a quest to find the best biscuits and sausage gravy in the state of Wisconsin (with a beer-and-cheese-curd-chaser, ideally). The best I found back then were at the Mead Inn in Wisconsin Rapids. Good times.

    @cathyx: I like the cut of your jib. :)

    Ash Can + a few

  134. 134.

    BGinCHI

    @Ash Can: So much shit in the air, and not just because Rahm is here.

    Seriously, allergies are nasty.

    Best way to cure is Zyrtec plus vodka.

    PS. Yes, I’m a doctor (of literature).

  135. 135.

    platonicspoof

    @Huevo:
    Usually when John says don’t expect any posts from him because he’s too busy / too sick / too many broken bones, there’ll be eight posts in the next three hours, so I expect a heart attack would just mean one long post stretching into eternity.

  136. 136.

    asiangrrlMN

    @parsimon: Adopt the cat. At this point, you are caught in the inevitable. And, when you do adopt the kitteh, post numerous pics here so we can coo and ahhhhhh.

    @JMY: I have similar thoughts. I think our soldiers do sacrifice a lot to serve in the armed forces, but I am not as sanguine as to the purported nobility of said missions.

    Cole! Please post pics of Tunchie before you kick the Galtian bucket. kthxbai.

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