Was lying in bed and realized I had forgotten to throw up an “I’m home” thread. Got back a couple of hours ago, but can’t sleep even though I have a nine am presentation I need to attend. I didn’t find the perfect mojito, despite repeated attempts. In the Disneyfied hellhole in which I am in, they actually list mojitos next to shit like “Raspberry mojito with three olives vodka raspberry.” That isn’t a fucking mojito. It’s a raspberry vodka drink, you fucking ponces.
On the other hand, I have reaffirmed my faith in latin women, particularly Brazilians. Met a nice one, had a bunch of drinks, and she didn’t cut me. That is always a plus. We’re doing dinner tomorrow.
Back to lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.
morzer
Have many Latin women cut you? Perhaps you need to take Tunch along as a bodyguard.
Warren Terra
No! Cole must not find companionship! The entire ethos of this blog demands that Cole only ever have the reliable company of a possibly murderous cat and one or more dogs with Issues! What if Cole were to start liking things??
MikeJ
Thank god. Now they can call all their stupid drinks mojitos and stop calling things other than gin+vermouth martinis.
JenJen
And here’s how I feel about Mojitos, from the other side of the bar:
The Bartender Hates You
That entire series rocks, by the way, especially for those of you who have been in the biz before.
Calouste
Ah, Brazilian women. There something of a man shortage in Brazil, as was told me a number of years back by the Brazilian then-girlfriend-now-wife of a friend of mine. Was I interested in a visit to her hometown? She had some available friends there. The invitation came a few years too late though.
morzer
@Warren Terra:
If Cole starts liking things he’ll have to kick the Steelers habit for starters. He would have to root for a kinder, gentler, unthreatening franchise… the Vikings, perhaps?
Martin
@Warren Terra: Meh. Don’t worry about it. Knowing him, some hottie will invite him back to her place, he’ll go in the kitchen to get a drink, spill it, then strip down naked to mop it up, slip and fall, and then upon regaining consciousness discover 4 police officers standing over him and a hot Brazilian girl hiding in the closet with her cell phone and a tazer.
morzer
@Martin:
Well, if all she’s got is the phone and tazer, things aren’t necessarily a total wash… Some men enjoy shock treatment.
Yutsano
@Martin: But did he get LAID man? Jeez why does no one ask the truly important questions around here anymore?
Martin
@Yutsano: Of course not. Dude’s got a cat and 2 dogs. He gave up trying 2 dogs ago.
morzer
@Yutsano:
Man who gets laid not write blog post late at night about mojitos, kemosabe.
morzer
@Martin:
Thanks for a truly horrifying image.
Mnemosyne
One of the bartenders in our neighborhood bar makes a fabulous mojito (she sneaks in some Sprite instead of relying solely on the simple syrup) but all the rest of the bartenders there can’t make one for shit. If she’s not on duty, I get something else, and if she is on duty, I point her out to the waitress and say, “I want THAT BARTENDER to make my mojito.”
Uriel
Ok- maybe it’s not an open thread, but I’m seriously irritated, gonna take a moment to vent:
Just caught the end of the Daily Show interview with Chris Wallace. Apparently, a large part of embracing sanity involves begging propagandists to please, please, please! Let me give you a reach around in addition to the lavish rim-job I’m currently blessed to be providing you with.
Oh, and FOX has never influenced anyone to embrace any kind of vaguely false narrative, despite the constant stream of outright lies they push out like candy-and-valium-coated excrement. And MSNBC is just as bad, also.
I have a feeling that the were the “getting crossfire canceled” Jon Stewart to run into the “I’m a f-ing star” Jon Stewart on the street, he’d kick this guys ass as the craven sycophant he’s become. Much as I despise him, I’m beginning to see PZ Myers’ side of this issue.
That said, maybe I missed some wildly pointed commentary on the blatant disingenuousness of that fucking douche Wallace and the temple of lies he works for. But I really didn’t get the feeling I did.
If not, it’s sad- show used to be worth something.
Sorry bout that digression, but shit pissed me off.Also +3.
Martin
I would never order a mojito in a bar. Too much work. I make them at home, by the pitcher. Wife loves them.
Yutsano
@Martin: Tunch is a libido killer? I think we should lend him out to a few Republicans to keep their willies in their slacks.
@morzer: He could be one of those Renaissance men I keep hearing about. No not the ones who wear tights on the weekend. Or taking a break. The johnson does need the occasional resting period, especially one out of practice.
CJ
I. . . I think I love this blog. Just sayin’.
Back to lurking it is.
morzer
@Uriel:
Stewart’s interviews are a very mixed bag, IMHO. Some are excellent, but too often there’s a sense of amiable wandering down gentle lanes of memory.
MikeJ
@Martin: Years ago a friend of mine and I talked about sitcom set in an IT department. Did the characters, a bunch of gags and situations to riff on that normal people would get. Then the IT Crowd came along and was exactly what we had talked about (I’m not claiming theft of my brilliant idea, I’m claiming it was so blinding obvious that it could be done that even I saw it.)
The time for a blogger sitcom has come. Of course more of it would deal with his real life. Blog comments would have to represented on screen by something like a video conference. Ooo, better yet, a cocktail party that’s constantly going on in his spare room. That way you get the commenters physically present to deliver lines, but they aren’t allowed to leave the room and interact with real world.
Who’s got an agent?
morzer
@Yutsano:
I am trying to forget the vision of Cole wearing tights on the weekend while resting his johnson. Thank you for conjuring it for me. It should make for memorable dreams tonight – if I get any sleep. For some reason, whenever I get flu, I seem to wrench my neck or maybe trap a nerve at the same time. The result is that one shoulder and my neck basically lock up and pain radiates down to my elbow. Discouraging.
morzer
@MikeJ:
Would we have to see Malkin or Althouse nekkid?
JenJen
@Martin: Thank you for your support.
I take absolute pride in mixing the perfect Mojito, and have no doubt that Cole would find any cocktail I would concoct for him to be delightful and delicious. I put nothing but love in my drinks and I view the job as a craft. However, the Mojito has hurt bartending in the same way I imagine the Old Fashioned did many, many moons ago.
They’re killing our speed, man. There are all kinds of great drinks out there to try; when’s the last time someone made you a really amazing Long Island, for example? I, for one, appreciated the Cosmo Craze far, far more than the Mojito craze. The reason people aren’t getting perfect Mojitos is because a) a lot of bartenders weren’t trained properly and b) it takes as long to make a proper, perfect Mojito as it does to layer a pousse cafe.
Time is money in the bartending world, and although the public hasn’t given up on Mojitos, I fear bartenders have.
ETA: A raspberry vodka Mojito just offends my sensibilities. Sounds like overzealous bar managers are doing to the Mojito what they did to the Martini a few years back… make up whatever shit you want, serve it in a Martini glass, and poof!! It’s a Martini. It angers me, to be honest, and I really wish it would stop.
Larkspur
Have fun! Blonde Yanqui gringas are such a buzzkill. I oughtta know, being one. I won’t even go out with me.
I keep waiting for Morena Baccarin to call. :sigh: Oh. Wait.
Damn you, Cole, if you are having dinner with my Morena, I will do way more than cut you.
Tattoosydney
Just don’t try out your Spanish on her, or she might cut you good. That’s the only practical advice I have.
Meanwhile, this is the coolest mum in the world.
morzer
@Tattoosydney:
She might be a bit puzzled, since Brazilians speak their variant of Portuguese, not Spanish. Dunno if that would be a cutting matter.
Larkspur
@Tattoosydney: Tattoosydney, thanks for that link. It’s awesome and I love that mum and her boy.
Zuzu's Petals
I’m confused.
Are you home or are you in a Disneyfied hellhole? Or is your home a Disneyfied hellhole?
wilfred
I’ve been married to a Brazilian woman for a long time – they’re the best. A Brazilian woman can deal with a man being a man.
Eu quero mais, quero mais, sirondo quero mais… eu quero mais, quero mais, sirondo quero mais.
JGabriel
@morzer: Wins the thread.
.
morzer
@JGabriel:
I am hoping my Nyquil mojito will enable me to escape the vision of Cole in action.
MikeJ
@Zuzu’s Petals: “I never said he was insane, I said he was fuckin’ Goofy!”
morzer
@MikeJ:
Taking the Mickey again?
Joseph Nobles
Oh, my Go-od, I’ve just read the Dick Whisperer’s latest paean to high dudgeonry concerning Obama’s lack of “contrition” over the midterms.
Contrition! Obama no haz it!
Is there any other way to read that piece of crap than the press corp declaring war on this White House?
Mnemosyne
By the way, if that Brazilian babe tells you that she’s taking you out for a mojito, it might be a caipirinha instead.
morzer
@Joseph Nobles:
It sounds like the White House declining to apologize to a gang of financial rapists and obstruction artists, and the press corps not understanding the real dynamic.
Tattoosydney
@morzer:
Um. That was kind of my point. Sorry if I did not make it clear. Nothing more guaranteed to turn off a Brazilian or Portuguese woman than speaking Spanish at them.
Mnemosyne
@Joseph Nobles:
But but but doesn’t Obama realize that the voters just proved that this is a center-right country by electing a bunch of batshit crazy ultra-right-wing Republicans?
Joseph Nobles
@morzer: They understand the dynamic. They smell blood in the water.
Watch this over at C-Span. These ijits are just stunned that Obama thinks his policies are the best for the nation. It’s to the point that they are one step away from openly deriding him over it. The Milbank article takes that step.
morzer
@Tattoosydney:
“Nothing good from Spain – neither winds nor women” as the old Portuguese proverb has it. I imagine the Spanish have the same proverb, but with a change of reference.
Harry Whittington
AHA!!! I KNEW you were straight. But this is the first time you let it slip, even though you’re blogging completely sloshed half the time.
Were you just waiting until after the midterms to come out or something?
morzer
@Joseph Nobles:
I think they are genuinely unaware of how tough Obama can be and will be. They may laugh for a little while, but sooner or later they are going to see that the man has quite a bit of steel under that courteous and reasonable exterior. I suspect Milbank himself is beginning to realize it.
Harry Whittington
BTW I think it was a noble gesture of Obama to apologize to House Republicans for being shot in the face by them. I would have done the same.
patrick II
Everyone should read or see Bill Moyers’ recent speech at Boston University. He discusses the Republican goal of returning to a gilded age plutocracy. With his usual eloquance, he brings to one place and into focus many pieces of which most who read this blog know about.
I am not a young person, but have naively believed for most of my life that, with some exceptions, if someone was born and raised in America that he believed in democracy. You know, truth, justice and the American way. I thought that people disagreed about how a democracy should work, but that in they end they actually believed in voting and that we were endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights, etc. That you could argue with them in good faith.
I was fundamentally wrong.
It is sad beyond belief. I am especially sad for my children since I believe they are going find things more difficult than I did — and since I didn’t have the good sense to get rich I cannot help them as much as I might want.
It seems nearly impossible to change things now since it is a lot harder to take things away from someone who already has them then to have prevented it in the first place. Looking back now, it seems almost inevitable that sooner or later wealth accumulates and that nexus will be able to control the rules upon which wealth is built, which leads to more wealth accumulation — a kind of spiraling anti-democracy. I hope I am wrong about that, and maybe in two years and with a different election things will not look quite so glum, but that is certainly how I am feeling tonight.
In the meantime, at least for some of us, there are at least dreams of Brazilian women. (back on topic).
morzer
@Harry Whittington:
You didn’t realize that Ernst Stavro Cole was straight? I know the fuzzy white cat on his knee might seem a bit unusual, but what about the facial scars?
morzer
@patrick II:
On the other hand, when the Gilded Age was in full swing, it must have seemed that nothing could ever be done for the better. And yet, good things were achieved.
Joseph Nobles
@Mnemosyne:
“He’s just crazy enough to do it!”
Tattoosydney
@morzer:
Or as a Portuguese friend of mine once put it, “Fuck the Spanish with their own dicks.”
Tattoosydney
@Larkspur:
I know! I had to share it – he looked so adorable.
morzer
@Tattoosydney:
From my somewhat detached perspective, if it involves Cristiano Ronaldo or Jose Mourinho getting their come-uppance and humiliations galore.. well, I might become a Spaniard for the day.
Harry Whittington
@morzer 44 :
I think it’s fair to say a lot of us had… questions. Yes, the cat, but not just the cat.
I mean I was right, in the end, but it really wasn’t so clear cut.
TrishB
@JenJen: It sounds like you make a mean drink. Cinci area by any chance, or am I confusing you with someone else?
Calouste
@patrick II:
To a non-American, that sounds excessively naive.
Well, even if all people born and raised in America believed in democracy, they certainly believed it was for white Americans only (segregation in the South, Iran 1953, Chile 1973, Nicaragua, need I go on?)
Roger Moore
@patrick II:
He’s wrong. They don’t want to return to a gilded age plutocracy. They want to return to an Antebellum plutocracy. It may not seem like a big difference to white folk, but to minorities the difference is substantial.
Tattoosydney
@morzer:
I love the Portuguese and Portugal almost as much as I love my own country, but I would join you in that wish…
Joseph Nobles
@Tattoosydney: 21st Century Harper Valley PTA. :D
patrick II
@Calouste:
You are certainly right about segregation in the south, but it is also true that the scope of who was included in democracy was expanding over time — from just property owners, to all males, to blacks after the civil war, to females, and then blacks rights more assertively protected after the 60’s, and voting age changed from 21 to 18 to bring in younger people. I saw democracy as a process that was expanding — at least in this country. As for the overseas stuff, I like most Americans of the time — basic high school history, dependence on the limited tv and newspapers of the time — Iooked at the foreign entanglements through the lens of the cold war. Many new democracies were started in Japan, Korea and Europe. I did not know we were destroying democracy in other places such as Iran, but thought we were saving countries from communism.
And you are right, I was really naive. Probably still am.
The difference to me now is that since the 80’s the process in this country that I described as democratic expansion has turned around and is a spiral of wealth and control of politics and laws that makes the country less democratic. the Gilded age was mostly broken up by the panic of 1897 and a large depression.
Tattoosydney
Jesus. I’m watching David Frum on the Daily Show and thinking how sane he sounds. How the world turns.
PeakVT
What if Cole were to start liking things??
Definitely a bad move. Once you blow your misanthrope cred you can never get it back.
R-Jud
@Calouste:
Naive is kind of what we do in the States, at least in the aggregate.
SRW1
John, thanks for your willingness to give these horrible bunch of testosterone addled vessels that call themselves men an opportunity to entertain us mortals who just can’t help themselves but find that wicked stuff hilariously funny.
I hope you have a nice dinner with that Brazilian lady and may romance flourish.
Maude
Is there an operating name for the lady?
That Brazillian Woman, Actually On CIA Payroll
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kristine
@Martin:
FTW! I laughed so hard I woke up my dogs.
Svensker
@Tattoosydney:
My very WASPy dad lived in Brazil for a number of years. When he was getting on in years he would insist on speaking Portuguese to any Mexicans, Central Americans, Cubans, etc., that he met, which confused them greatly.
Bill E Pilgrim
Ah Brazilians. Welcome to the world of foreign affairs, my son. Once you start dating non-Americans it all becomes so much more interesting if no less impossible. Possibly more impossible, but a lot more fun. And I would say that to anyone, male or female.
Slightly more seriously though, I think that no one really understands international relations with any profoundity until you have one yourself. It’s like it exaggerates concepts like “we don’t speak the same language” or “I don’t know where she’s coming from exactly” to a point where they’re not metaphorical anymore, and by this you grasp just what the whole God damn world is really up against.
In other words yes, your date tomorrow is for world peace.
NB: Speaking of peace.
Poopyman
Uh-oh! Next thing we know, Cole will be gone “hiking the Appalachian Trail”.
Uh, not the real one that cuts through WV. Like the Sanford one, only a bit north of that one.
harlana
@Poopyman: Well Mr. Cole would first have to be married to an uptight little heiress before he could “officially” hike the Appalachian trail. Still, that was a good funny.
And the Horse He Rode In on
@Larkspur:
re Morena Baccarin: Thank you
D-Chance.
We’re doing dinner tomorrow.
Back to lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.
She ain’t there tonight? = FAIL.
birthmarker
@morzer: FTW.
J. A. Baker
And it would have to be done on “Nude Hiking Day.”
Also, too. I am surprised (and disappointed) that it took 65 comments for someone to make an “Appalachian Trail” joke. I expected better of you people.
ronin122
So does this mean you’re straight, John? Well glad I didn’t actually put money in that bet. Seriously though, remember that it’s not nice to kiss (or more) and tell, but we won’t fault you if you let us know under an assumed name in the comments. Just remember not to be a cheap ass and get the shitty condoms, or Tunch will be mad when you explain to him why his food supply is getting cut 9 months from now.
Now sad that an avowed misanthrope is getting more with the ladies than myself =\
danimal
@ronin122: Don’t worry about Cole gettin’ more lucky than you. He’ll get close, but somehow wind up in the ER or the local jail before he gets to a happy ending. Let’s just hope she doesn’t press charges.
This blog depends on a grumpy Cole.
Comrade Darkness
>We’re doing dinner tomorrow.
Duuuuuude. Have fun.
Tsulagi
Latin women are hot. I’m partial to Argentines, but Brazilians are right up there. If you have any hope of rounding the bases, you gotta dance. For a lot of latin women dancing falls on their priority list right after breathing.
I’m guessing white WV guy dancing is pretty ugly, but it doesn’t matter. Just get out on the dance floor and move something. Big bonus points.
Francis
Does anyone know what Mr. Cole does for a living? He travels a fair bit, yet seems to be home during normal working hours a lot of the time.
twiffer
@MikeJ: yes. the very existence of “martini menus” pains my soul. martini is not a synonym for cocktail.
themann1086
@Tattoosydney: Hah, I was out with a Brazilian exchange student for Halloween at a party, and we had a laugh at a few guys attempting that (speaking Spanish at Latinas) with her or her friends. Morans!
I on the other hand got points for knowing some (mangled) Portuguese.
mds
@Francis:
Why don’t you ask him? Though if (as I suspect) the answer is actually “assassin,” you might be sorry you asked.
Francis
@mds: Especially since I live just up the road from Disneyland.
suzanne
@JenJen: Mojito recipe plz. :)
Zu8zu's Petals
@Tattoosydney:
Interesting that she mentioned the idea of her daughter dressing as Batman if she wanted to.
I actually had a little girl in a Batman costume come to my door on Halloween. I give out little bags of penny toys…she wanted the one with the squishy frog, while her pal Luke Skywalker wanted the one with the sparkly pink ring.
ETA: Dang, I put a typo in my name and slid down the moderation hole …. halp !
EmmATX
@morzer: Heh.
Don’t hold your breath. Hala Madrid! :)
Sister Inspired Revolver of Freedom
@Larkspur: Love it!
slag
@Poopyman: That was my favorite sign from the Rally to Restore Sanity: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/30/the-funniest-signs-at-the_n_776490.html#s169689.
nikki
@Martin: hahahahaha!