Don’t you just love gay men?
I know I do. I mean they are just people after all. I generally hate people, though. I sometimes jokingly say that gay men are sort of like black women. There’s a lot of overlap there. Just think about it. Maybe that’s why I feel safer around them. I don’t know what it is, but if I were traveling alone in some strange city, and I wanted to go out but didn’t know anyone in town, I would go to a gay bar. Take LA, for example. If you dropped me off in Los Angeles (and for some reason I didn’t remember I already lived here–like if I got into a horrible “you don’t remember you live here” accident and I woke up all confused and shit), and I didn’t know where I was I would go to West Hollywood.
For starters, chances are someone there would recognize me and help me put the pieces of my Life Puzzle back together. At the gay bars I frequent in West Hollywood, you’re going to see a lot of guys who really shouldn’t be waxing their eyebrows that much; some dude dancing on a table in his underwear; a bunch of hot straight bartenders shaking their shit for gay tips; and you’re going to get a lot of compliments and fashion tips, but what you’re not going to get is a lot of drunk asshats trying to play grab ass with you as you walk across the room.
I walk through a grinding dance club in West Hollywood, and the men make a path for me–as my friend Robert once told me, “girl, you parted the crowd like a knife through hot butter“–they don’t start trying to hump me to death like a pack of wild nutless dogs. I walk through a grinding dance club in Hollywood, and I’ve got one hand protecting my front, and one hand protecting my back, each hand clenched over a razor blade; I can see a wayward grope coming from a mile away and I will cut you after I give you the stank eye.
But not everyone loves them some gays. The Pope, for example–he’s got no love for the gays. He was talking shit about gay marriage in Spain after Spain just legalized gay marriage. (Dick move, dude.) So the gays had themselves a little “queerkissflashmob” to tell the Pope to kindly stick it where the papal sun don’t shine:
Pope Benedict attacked abortion and gay marriage, recently legalised in Spain, in a Mass to consecrate Barcelona’s iconic church in another pointed criticism of what he called Spain’s “aggressive secularism.”
Spain’s legalization of abortion on demand this year and gay marriage in 2005 have stoked tensions with the Vatican but Madrid has tried to downplay any friction during the pope’s two-day visit.
Hundreds of gay and lesbians protested the Church’s position by kissing publicly as the pope passed by on his way to the fantastically embellished modernist Sagrada Familia, designed by Antoni Gaudi and under construction for 128 years.
“The Church resists every form of denial of human life and gives its support to everything that would promote the natural order in the sphere of the institution of the family,” the pope said in the Mass.
He also said “the indissoluble love of a man and a woman is the effective context of human life in its gestation, birth, growth, and natural end,” in a clear criticism of gay marriage.
Before Sunday the Sagrada Familia — which will eventually be able to seat more than 10,000 people — had never been used as a church. Gaudi died in 1926 and construction has been slow, funded only by visitor admission fees and donations.
It was not clear if the pope noticed the mass kiss protest in the midst of thousands of flag-waving supporters who cheered the pope as he rode by in a bullet-proof “pope mobile”.
“We are here for a peaceful protest. The church oppresses us and doesn’t respect us … We can’t tolerate this sort of pope in the 21st century,” said Eduardo Prado, 39, one of about 300 men and women who participated in the so-called queerkissflashmob.
Look people, it’s going to happen: gays will be able to get married, and serve in the military, and do whatever the fuck they want JUST LIKE YOU CAN. You can either continue to be a jackass about it, or just shut the hell up.
[I just threw this up over on my blog, but then I thought, “Why not post it here too?” Thinking is for winners. -ABL]