Dubya is a LIYAH, and his pants are on FIYAH!
If you haven’t heard because you’ve been trapped under something heavy or whatever, Bush is back! And I’m not talking about the death of the Brazilian wax, either.
I’m talking about the butthole who turned this country into a right mess, and then peaced out, leaving The Black Guy to play janitor. The butthole who, two years later, just cruised back on to the scene as if nothing ever happened.
Man, I hate that guy.
You know who Bush is? He’s the guy who farts in an elevator and then walks out smirking, leaving you and everyone else in the elevator to wonder what the fuck just happened. Everybody hates that guy.
Later that week, when you see Fart Guy and call his ass out: “Dude! What was with the elevator air assault? That shit ain’t right!” Fart Guy will act all surprised: “What?! I didn’t fart in the elevator!”
So you’re thinking to yourself, “Can you believe this guy?” but you press on: “Dude, a company-wide newsletter was issued, and it states “FART GUY FARTS IN ELEVATOR.”
But Fart Guy won’t budge: “So?”
You get increasingly frustrated: “So?! Whaddya mean ‘So?’ You read that newsletter and you admitted it at lunch the other day! Now you’re saying it wasn’t you? WTF?! It’s a provable fact that you farted in that elevator, bro!”
Still, Fart Guy isn’t phased. He just shrugs and says, “Whatever, dude. I reject your ‘facts’. In fact, ‘facts’ are just stubborn opinions.” Then he farts again, smirks, and walks away.
Tortured analogy or not, this is what George Bush’s book is: It’s a fart in a crowded elevator.
And, as it turns out, it’s not even an original fart in a crowded elevator. It’d be like if Fart Guy went to a Fart Factory where all the best and brightest and smelliest farts are stored; grabbed a couple fart particles from this batch o’ farts and a couple from that batch o’ farts; sealed them up in a bottle; and then fired off the faux fart in the elevator. That’s what this is like.
What the hell am I talking about? Who knows, really. It’s mostly just a ploy to get you toread this post because I just re-read it and I’m cracking up.
But, I’ll cut to the chase: George W. Bush is a dirty damn plagiarizer and a dirty damn liar. Rather than write (or have someone write) an original book, (or “a book” as it’s known in common parlance), he lifted passages from a bunch of books and articles written by other people. Smarter people. People with better farts that were ripe for the bottlin’.
Here’s an example from The Huffington Post:
From Decision Points, p. 205: “When Karzai arrived in Kabul for his inauguration on December 22 – 102 days after 9/11 – several Northern Alliance leaders and their bodyguards greeted him at an airport. As Karzai walked across the tarmac alone, a stunned Tajik warlord asked where all his men were. Karzai, responded, ‘Why, General, you are my men. All of you who are Afghans are my men.'”
From Ahmed Rashid’s The Mess in Afghanistan, quoted in The New York Times Review of Books: “At the airport to receive [Karzai] was the warlord General Mohammad Fahim, a Tajik from the Panjshir Valley …. As the two men shook hands on the tarmac, Fahim looked confused. ‘Where are your men?’ he asked. Karzai turned to him in his disarmingly gentle manner of speaking. ‘Why General,’ he replied, “you are my men—all of you are Afghans and are my men…'”
Bush was not at Karzai’s Inauguration.
And another:
From Decision Points, p. 199: “At a National Security Council meeting the next morning, I said, ‘just want to make sure that all of us did agree to this plan, right?’ I went around the table and asked every member of the room. They agreed….I could sense the relief in the room.”
From Bob Woodward’s Bush At War, p. 261: “The next morning, Bush arrived at the White House Situation Room for the NSC meeting…’I just want to make sure that all of us did agree to this plan, right?’ [Bush] said. He looked around the table from face to face….Each affirmed allegiance to the plan and strategy. …Hadley thought the tension suddenly drained from the room.”
From Bob Woodward’s The War Within, p. 430: “At the next day’s meeting, Bush said, ‘I just want to make sure that all of us did agree to this plan, right?’ He went around the table asking everyone to affirm allegiance to the plan.” [HuffPo points out the great irony here: Bush criticized Woodward’s book when it was published! Derp.]
And this one:
From Decision Points, p. 105: “In one of our final meetings, I informed Dick that I would not issue a pardon. He stared at me with an intense look. ‘I can’t believe you are going to leave a soldier on the battlefield,’ he said. The comment stung. In eight years, I had never seen Dick like this, or even close to this.”
Or did Bush pull this from Time magazine, “Legacy Fight: Inside Bush and Cheney’s Final Days,” July 24, 2009: “A day later, Cheney gave an interview to a conservative magazine, saying he disagreed with the President’s decision on the Libby pardon. Other Libby backers were quoted in the article, calling Bush ‘dishonorable’ and saying he had left a soldier on the battlefield, language Cheney had used throughout the debate over the pardon.”
I’m not sure why anyone is surprised at this news. Sure, Bush was all, “I can too, read! Just you wait and see! I’mma write my own book about my own life!” But really? Who believed he was actually going to write his own memoirs? He’s not exactly the sharpest bulb in the drawer. (My Pet Goat, anyone?)
But to the people who are still yearning for answers and who are still trying to figure out what the fuck happened for eight years; to the people who wanted some insight into what this dipshit was thinking for eight years, the answer is finally apparent, and the answer is this:
If W. was thinking at all at any moment during the eight years of his presidency, or if he was thinking at all when he decided to “call it a comeback,” he would have known better than to claim that the lowest part of his presidency was when Kanye West said that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
Christ on a banana.
Hey, Mr. Bush? Do you know what was the lowest part of your presidency was?
FUCKING ALL OF IT.
[Cross-posted at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]
General Stuck
Pull my finger ABL, go ahead, pull it, see what happens.
I doubt Bush would fart in an elevator and then get out. He is the type that would wait till it was empty, then fart, and hit that big red stop button. A version of red neck paradise.
cleek
shit yeah.
Bush is a simple man who achieved waayayyayayayayayyyyyy beyond his calling. i don’t know if he’s evil or dumb or both (being me, i’ll lean towards dumb, because dumb + power causes evil); but he’s definitely self-centered. to W, it is and was always about W.
which is perfect for modern “conservatism”
Mark S.
The relief of all of these asskissers (like Bush ever tolerated any other kind of underling) agreeing with their boss must have been something to behold. I hope when they make a movie of this book they are able to do this scene justice.
Thoroughly Pizzled
At least it proves he can read. Or hire a ghostwriter that can read. But I’d laugh if Bush’s ghostwriter were as lazy as he consistently demonstrated himself to be.
Anton Sirius
Bush gets my vote for Wurst Preznit Evah, but I’m not seeing the plagiarism in those excerpts. Sorry.
If anything, I see a ghost writer trying too hard to avoid sounding like the previous books and articles on the same incidents, resulting in awkward phrases like “I went around the table and asked every member of the room.”
WereBear (itouch)
I can’t stand to see that smug face or that arrogant, clueless voice.
When he passes on I’ll have to seal myself in a sensory deprivation chamber for the duration.
kdaug
Close, ABL, but not quite. Bush farts in airlocks. Not elevators.
PurpleGirl
This development is so funny. He must have had a researcher at least; no way he could do the research himself. Of course, it will okay with his base. But the idea of it is so funny.
Just Some Fuckhead
Christ, this is another funny as fuck post. Angry Black Lady is exactly what this blog was missing.
gbear
I don’t think it’s funny no more…
Just Some Fuckhead
@cleek:
He’s a dry drunk. My stepdad was a dry drunk and you’d think he and Bush were separated at birth.
Just Some Fuckhead
That was just genius.
Davis X. Machina
@PurpleGirl:
Might not be Junta Boy who did it, is what I figure.
I can see some un-credited ABD-in-history type, hard up for the payday, but tired of being held in deep contempt by Smirky as just more of The Help, saying to himself “Eh, I’m only in this for the money anyways.” Hey, presto, control-c, control-v…
Cyber-spitting in the virtual soup.
General Stuck
Asked by Woodward how history would judge the war, Bush replied: “History. We don’t know. We’ll all be dead.”
Man, that is so fucking deep. You all misunderestimate this great man’s brain at our own peril.
PurpleGirl
@Anton Sirius: He wasn’t in Afghanistan for Karzai’s inauguration. He couldn’t have heard the conversation, he couldn’t have remembered it. He was not there. (Ryan Grim, Huffington Post; they have 16 examples)
MikeBoyScout
Hammering “W” for his plagiarism and generally worthless memoir is simply a certain intellectual arrogance.
Non-intellectuals find W’s memoir a fascinating read – well, they only read the dust cover, but still.
cleek
@Just Some Fuckhead:
totally.
but i much appreciate this kind of post on a +8 Friday night.
Bex
@Just Some [email protected]
“I’ll just cut to the chase” was geniuser.
Bex
@Just Some Fuckhead
“I’ll just cut to the chase” was geniuser.
Annie
LOL. I love this post. A metaphor for Republicans in Congress. They on mass fart, and then just when the fart is released, they turn and look to their Democrat colleagues in disgust. As if somehow their Democratic colleagues just let one loose. The high school strategy replayed. Then they on mass hold a press conference, with tea partiers on display, and explain how their fresh, patriotic air has been a
destroyed by socialists. Time to take the country back — fresh, fartless air for all.
Annie
I am once again in moderation. As I advocated before, time for the BJ dictionary, so we know what spelling of words work and what words put us in moderation purgatory.
Jman
You thought lil George was funny?
Just wait till big Jeb gets the job!
Benjamin Cisco
Tell it, ABL!
__
This was funny as hell.
jl
ABL seems to suggest that GWB cut and pasted all that stuff himself.
That is difficult to believe. All that cutting and pasting is hard work. And Laura, a librarian, would notice what is going on, and be outraged
I think there was a ghost cut and paster.
Citizen_X
Thank you, Dick Cheney, for recharging my hate for you. “A soldier on the battlefield?!?” For fucking Libby? For Libby helping to out a CIA agent, and thus, all her contacts? Someone who actually was, for all practical purposes, “a soldier on the battlefield?” Just for your little partisan spite?
Fuck you to death, Cheney, you black-hearted son of a bitch. Leave a soldier on the battlefield? No. You bastards left 130,000 soldiers on the battlefield.
John
@PurpleGirl
Grimm never shows any evidence that Bush did claim to be in Afghanistan… Just that Bush tells that story on that page in his book without any context as to why Bush tells that story. Just because it’s a memoir doesn’t mean you can’t tell stories that you heard from other people.
Nothing I’ve read in that article is plagiarism. In fact I’m pretty sure Ryan Grimm is a douche for writing such a stupid article.
Annie
OMG. The first time EVER…My original post in moderation disappeared….WTF… Just because I mentioned a group fart by Republicans in Congress???
WyldPirate
@Citizen_X:
Damn, that was good. I need a cigarette after that paragraph.
Mike G
Fantasy bestsellers list: 1) Twilight 2) Harry Potter 3) Decision Points by George W. Bush
Bush’s memoir just like OJ’s: author who claims he’s innocent, and weapons that were never found.
The audiobook of Bush’s memoir is read by Barney the Dinosaur.
Bush said his life was changed forever when his mother showed him a glass containing a gin and tonic.
Bin Laden says his jihad is not against the West – it’s against Kanye West, who once said something mean about him.
Kanye West on his worst memory: “The day I made Bush so sad, he decided to fuck up the entire world.”
I agree with Bush. It’s hard to pick the low point of his Presidency.
http://twitter.com/BorowitzReport
Brick Oven Bill
Legacy Scholarships are worse than Affirmative Action Scholarships because it is not possible to immediately perceive who received them.
Richard W. Crews
bush is just one of those guys so trapped in their ego that they can NEVER learn; either from their own mistakes or histories retellings.
A retrograde human.
But let me crash this post! the earlier post about reggae redos – you just gotta’ know about Dread Zeppelin – a reggae band doing Led Zeppelin covers with a fat Elvis front man!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5rHrD9eja0&feature=related
Annie
OMG. The first time EVER on BJ. My original post has disappeared. WTF….Just because I talked about Congressional Republicans engaging in a group fart feast, and like we did in high school, turning on mass to Democratic colleagues as if they produce the stench…
Martin
@Brick Oven Bill: Uh, yes it is. The white people receive them.
Dee Loralei
I read this earlier at HuffPo, yours is much funnier, ABL. But Olbermann was going to do a segment on it tonight, even did the headline in his opening, and sometime during the course of his show he decided it may not be as obnoxious as we thought. He said something about twisting the original quotes and the Bush book excerpts to get the story and then he went on to something else. He hinted that the HuffPo piece was some mobious strip reading of the questioned texts. Maybe it was an over abundance of caution on Olbie’s part; maybe he didn’t want to be “Rathered” by the right. Maybe he took Jon Stewart’s complaints to heart….
Who knows, but even rabid-dog Olbermann backed off.
I will grant that no matter how anyone twists it, Bush could not have heard the bit between the Northern Alliance guy and Karzai, since he was on another continent and it couldn’t have been one of his own personal memories (Which seems to be rather the purpose of a memoir.). So he fucking stole that anecdote.
Mr. F.L. Atulent
I resemble these remarks.
salacious crumb
btw the black guy chose to be the janitor. nobody forced him. he knew the mess he was getting into. he said he could clean the mess up. so we elected him. so lets start holding him accountable for he promised he would do.
MikeJ
@salacious crumb: Yes, lets hold him accountable for passing legislation that FDR couldn’t get. Lets hold him accountable for getting finreg passed. Lets hold him accountable for cutting medicare drug costs by 50%. Let’s hold him responsible for keeping the U3 around 10% despite the best efforts of the republicans and half the Democrats to make it 20%.
Mr. F.L. Atulent
Funny NYC subway story. My brother and I get on at 96th heading downtown on the 2. Cold winter day and my brother is bundled up in a trench coat. He goes silent and very violent right after the train picks up a bunch of commuters at 72nd. A real radius clearing effort, except the car is pretty packed. I know it’s him because he had been killing it all morning in our apartment.
Most the time, people keep to themselves on the morning commute. Two guys in blue collar attire, however, (they looked like they were part of a Con Ed crew) can’t let this pass without comment.
First guy (in full New Yawk): “Ughh! You believe da nerve of some people?!!??!!”
Second guy (after a 10 second pause – the trench coat ensuring a slow steady release): “Yeah… It really ling-gahs…”
Anya
I really hate the fucker, but those examples don’t es seem like plagiarism to me. If those events took place, then why is it strange that they are told by two different people. All this tells us, is that Bush had nothing interesting to say about his eight years of putting the world to hell.
maya
Why Decision Points? After talking up his drinking problem, again… wouldn’t Mein Kampf Mit Shnapps have been better?
Emerald
@Dee Loralei:
Maybe he didn’t want to get punked by Huffpo twice in one week . . .
hamletta
@Richard W. Crews: I interviewed the fat Elvis frontman once. He stayed in character the whole time.
He had a whole backstory where he was Elvis, reincarnated when his parents rear-ended a Pinto full of reggae musicians.
Or something like that.
Mr. F.L. Atulent
@Richard W. Crews: Saw them live in Charlottesville VA back in the early 90’s. Down at the end of lonely street/heartbreaker was a good one I remember…
MBL
None of these are plagiarism.
lacp
Jonah Goldberg is jealous….
MattR
@MBL: I have to agree. It is not plagiarism just because the excerpts use the same quote from an individual. Using the last example, I would argue that Bush is confirming the accuracy of the conservative magazine that said Cheney used the phrase “soldier on the battlefield” repeatedly to hassle Bush about Libby.
(EDIT: I do want to echo what others have said about the first example being problematic because Bush is quoting Karzai as if he was there. That should have been a footnoted phrase in the book linking to the original source of that quote)
salacious crumb
@MikeJ: all im saying is he chose this Presidency. yeah Bush fucked up and is blaming all of the country’s troubles on Democrats. so what else is new? that doesnt mean we use Bush and his excuses to give Obama and his actions a free pass. thats all. I am sorry that I dont subscribe to your tongue wagging worshipping of Obama.
Angry Black Lady
@Annie: @Benjamin Cisco: @Just Some Fuckhead: ::curtseys::
::questions her spelling of the word “curtsey” ::
Angry Black Lady
@MattR: @Anya: i should have been clearer. Bush made a huge stink about how he was going to write his own memoirs. He boasted afterwards that he had “largely written” the book. It may fall short of plagiarism, but it’s a long way from original authorship.
point taken, however.
+1
Villago Delenda Est
Oh, the irony. A five time deferment draft dodger (“I had other priorities”) bemoaning a commissioned deserter from the Air National Guard who “abandoned a soldier”…a “soldier” who through his actions at the behest of his foul draft dodging master destroyed a human intelligence network that took decades to establish to cover their worthless fascist asses with a wildly transparent lie about the first outright war of aggression by a major power since 1939.
Sorry about the run on sentence, but you need pseudo epic writing to cover epic villainy such as this.
Yutsano
@Angry Black Lady:
Never apologize. It draws the jackals even closer.
JenJen
Seeing that “Nothing” photo, I was reminded of Nora Ephron on Bill Maher’s show tonight. When Bill brought up Bush’s book, Nora said “You know, my new book is titled “I Remember Nothing.” Bush should’ve named his book the same.” Or something like that. Loved it.
You know what makes me just a little bit giddy? I’ll bet when Cheney’s book comes out, he’s gonna dog the living shit out of Chimpy. I mean, rip him to shreds and expose him for what he really was, essentially, the idiot son of the boss who gets promoted far beyond his capacity. Vice is going to let the world know that he was the one in charge for eight years.
Because that’s how Cheney rolls. He clearly has no sense of loyalty (ask Harry “Birdshot” Whittington), he’s one chest pain away from death, and he just doesn’t give a shit anymore.
Cheney’s book is the only Bush Presidency post-mortem I’m even remotely interested in. I think it’s going to be one helluva dishy read.
@Just Some Fuckhead: No shit! I was giggling like a fucking hyena reading this post.
p mac
I have to agree with the dissenters on this, and disagree with GWB himself: never mind the “soft bigotry of low expectations”, GWB is no more capable of plagiarism than Forrest Gump.
Plagiarism is fundamentally a form of intellectual dishonesty: you can’t be guilty without a modicum of intellect.
While W isguilty of any number of counts of dishonesty, he’s off the hook on this one.
debbie
He wouldn’t have been able to plagiarize if the publisher hadn’t enabled him. I blame them. Fact Checking/Copy Editing are clearly dead arts.
jcgrim
Chimpy exemplifies the family who will do anything for money and power. The Bush sociopathic, crime family should be in jail, instead, they’ve been elected and re-elected and appointed and reappointed to various govt and positions or international corporate consortia, ad nauseum.
Barry
I *want* that t-shirt pictured above (‘I screwed you…).
Please, if anybody knows how to get one, e-mail me
at bdecicco2001
at yahoo
dot
com
droog
Is the word FUCKING in that quote a verb, an adjective, or an adverb?
If it’s a verb I agree with everything you said. If it’s an adverb I feel curb-stomped by your diatribe. If it’s an adjective, how do magnets work?