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You are here: Home / Civil Rights / Criminal Justice / Shitty Cops / That’ll be $10,000 and a Grope, Citizen

That’ll be $10,000 and a Grope, Citizen

by @heymistermix.com|  November 14, 201010:58 am| 59 Comments

This post is in: Shitty Cops, Show Us on the Doll Where the Invisible Hand Touched You, Security Theatre

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Here’s a self-told tale of a guy who didn’t want to have his junk X-Rayed or touched by the TSA. He tried to back out of the security line, but the TSA wanted to hold him at the airport:

At this point, I thought it was all over. I began to make my way to the stairs to exit the airport, when I was approached by another man in slacks and a sport coat. He was accompanied by the officer that had escorted me to the ticketing area and Mr. Silva. He informed me that I could not leave the airport. He said that once I start the screening in the secure area, I could not leave until it was completed. Having left the area, he stated, I would be subject to a civil suit and a $10,000 fine. I asked him if he was also going to fine the 6 TSA agents and the local police officer who escorted me from the secure area. After all, I did exactly what I was told. He said that they didn’t know the rules, and that he would deal with them later. They would not be subject to civil penalties. I then pointed to Mr. Silva and asked if he would be subject to any penalties. He is the agents’ supervisor, and he directed them to escort me out. The man informed me that Mr. Silva was new and he would not be subject to penalties, either. He again asserted the necessity that I return to the screening area. When I asked why, he explained that I may have an incendiary device and whether or not that was true needed to be determined. I told him that I would submit to a walk through the metal detector, but that was it; I would not be groped. He told me that their procedures are on their website, and therefore, I was fully informed before I entered the airport; I had implicitly agreed to whatever screening they deemed appropriate. I told him that San Diego was not listed on the TSA’s website as an airport using Advanced Imaging Technology, and I believed that I would only be subject to the metal detector. He replied that he was not a webmaster, and I asked then why he was referring me to the TSA’s website if he didn’t know anything about it. I again refused to re-enter the screening area. [Emphasis mine]

We are all underwear bombers until proven innocent.

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Reader Interactions

59Comments

  1. 1.

    Brian S (formerly Incertus)

    November 14, 2010 at 11:05 am

    I read that this morning and my first response was “I’m glad this guy’s bringing attention to this, but women have been complaining about being groped at checkpoints for years, and there’s never been much said about it.” That’s not this guy’s fault, and I don’t want to suggest otherwise, but I think it’s a bit telling about our society that when women complain about it, we don’t hear so much, but when it’s a dude telling a screener to back off his junk, it goes viral.

    The video probably helps that, to be fair.

  2. 2.

    BR

    November 14, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Seriously, what’s the best way to fight back against this stupidity?

    My thought was to contact the airline I fly most often and tell them that I was planning on flying several times this coming year and won’t be because of this TSA stupidity. My wife’s thought was to contact Michelle Obama’s office with the numerous instances of women and children being groped by TSA workers, left stunned, crying, or both.

  3. 3.

    eastriver

    November 14, 2010 at 11:08 am

    Wanting to fly is surely a sign of being a terrorist. Not wanting to fly is also a sure sign of evil intent.

  4. 4.

    sturunner

    November 14, 2010 at 11:11 am

    It’s not about security–it’s about controlling the citizenry.

    If it were about security, the Washington Area Metro would not be constructing an elevated line thru Tyson’s Corner ( the TC-Reston, VA area is the 2nd largest employment center east of the Mississippi.) Is there another infrastructure target in the area that would be more inviting to the bad guys?

  5. 5.

    cleek

    November 14, 2010 at 11:18 am

    Having left the area, he stated, I would be subject to a civil suit and a $10,000 fine.

    ok, see ya in court, fuck-o!

  6. 6.

    Michael

    November 14, 2010 at 11:20 am

    My intention is to moan loudly and with obvious ecstacy while being groped the next time I’m in the TSA line. I’m ugly, fat and middle-aged – so it’ll make some screener’s day.

  7. 7.

    Mumphrey

    November 14, 2010 at 11:23 am

    It amazes me how the people who scream the loudest about “getting tough with the terrorists”, and other such bullshit, seem to think that the best way to “get tough” with terrorists is to live in unending fear, and to upend our lives in every way to marginally lessen the risk that the terrorists might kill us.

    I guess I’m just a cowardly, unpatriotic idjit, but I would have thought that the way to “stand up to terrorists”, or “get tough with terrorists”, would be to not let them change the way we live, to not let them scare us into giving up our freedom and dignity for a fleeting feeling of safety. But what the hell do I know? As I said, I’m just a cowardly, treasonous dirty fucking hippie who hates America and loves Ahmedinejad.

  8. 8.

    sturunner

    November 14, 2010 at 11:24 am

    (Attn John:

    Speaking of being controlled–I was still under 5 min., & wasn’t allowed to finish editing in an additional thought. If we’re going to be cut off in mid-edit for number of attempts, that’s fine, but we should know it.)

    Bin Ladin & friends liberated those repressives in America that want us to get used to being controlled “for our own good. . . “

  9. 9.

    balconesfault

    November 14, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Personally, I’m going to start taking a little blue pill 1 hour before heading to the airport.

  10. 10.

    terraformer

    November 14, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I’m going to do whatever TSA wants me to do.

    I will not have my chocolate rations messed with.

  11. 11.

    Corner Stone

    November 14, 2010 at 11:41 am

    I’m too lazy to look it up and haven’t flown internationally in a while. Does anyone know how the USA’s rituals compare to Germany, Ireland, Israel, etc? Do int’l airports in other 1st world nations do similar security theater?

  12. 12.

    Jay in Oregon

    November 14, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Here is the most fucked-up part of the story, in my opinion:

    He said that once I start the screening in the secure area, I could not leave until it was completed. Having left the area, he stated, I would be subject to a civil suit and a $10,000 fine. I asked him if he was also going to fine the 6 TSA agents and the local police officer who escorted me from the secure area. After all, I did exactly what I was told. He said that they didn’t know the rules, and that he would deal with them later. They would not be subject to civil penalties. I then pointed to Mr. Silva and asked if he would be subject to any penalties. He is the agents’ supervisor, and he directed them to escort me out. The man informed me that Mr. Silva was new and he would not be subject to penalties, either.

    So the “security professionals” who escorted him out will not be subject to the same punitive, coercive penalties that the citizen who was following orders is? Any bets that if he had refused to leave the screening area, he would have arrested?

    FFS, if it weren’t for my sister-in-law’s wedding in January, I’d never step on a goddamn plane again until this bullshit is done away with.

  13. 13.

    memphisj

    November 14, 2010 at 11:48 am

    So, I had a cycling accident this year and now have 2 titanium pins in my femur. Although I haven’t flown since the accident I imagine I will set off the metal detector every time. And therefore, because I had an accident, I most likely will be subject to being either groped or irradiated for the rest of my life? I feel so much safer.

  14. 14.

    Moses2317

    November 14, 2010 at 11:49 am

    Wow, security theater is being taken to whole new levels. I was in the Philly airport a couple of days ago, and they had videos playing on at least five televisions explaining how all of the ridiculous airport security procedures are allegedly for our “safety”. It felt like something out of 1984.

    The real shame here is that not only is airport security a serious infringement on our civil liberties it is also a massive waste of resources that could be spent on real security efforts like screening containers that come into ports or increasing security at chemical plants.


    Winning Progressive

  15. 15.

    debit

    November 14, 2010 at 11:53 am

    @Michael: Make sure to tip them afterward, too.

  16. 16.

    Mike G

    November 14, 2010 at 11:53 am

    @Mumphrey:

    It amazes me how the people who scream the loudest about “getting tough with the terrorists”, and other such bullshit, seem to think that the best way to “get tough” with terrorists is to live in unending fear

    For the people who scream the loudest about “getting tough with the terrorists” are usually fearful pants-pissers who deal with their fear by cheerleading sending others off to kill brown people, or devising new scenarios for bullying others.

  17. 17.

    J sub D

    November 14, 2010 at 11:54 am

    @sturunner:

    It’s not about security—it’s about controlling the citizenry.

    And a bit of security theater. Admitting that the government can not stop an intelligent determined individual who wishes to commit mayhem in the name of his cause is unpalatable to security agencies and their elected/appointed bosses. So they have to look like they’re doing something to keep us safe. That it doesn’t keep us safe is completely outside the decision making process.

  18. 18.

    jcricket

    November 14, 2010 at 11:54 am

    I’m sure all the freedom lovin’ tea party patriots are up-in-arms about this.

    Course there solution is two lines, based on skin color. Surely patting down all the darkies will prevent terr’ists. And just leave whities alone, cause we all know white people never cause terr’ism.

  19. 19.

    300baud

    November 14, 2010 at 11:57 am

    From a Halloween past I have a very baggy clown suit with enormous pockets. Part of the shtick is me pulling an absurd quantity of absurd things out. I kinda want to wear it to the airport just so that I can go through the routine during the security screening.

    The normal contents include a 30-inch plastic imitation giant chef’s knife, a self-inflating whoopee cushion, two cowbells, a giant lollipop, a couple of squirt guns, a fake cellphone that shocks you when you try to dial numbers, a sheaf of giant fake money, some airplane-size bottles of liquor, toy handcuffs, and a rubber chicken wearing sparkly false eyelashes.

    If they ask why I’m wearing the getup, I’ll explain that my young nephew is meeting us at the airport and he really loves the clown routine, so I wanted to surprise him. The only question in my mind is which items to remove when they ask me to empty my pockets, and which to leave for them to find during the search.

    Of course, what I’ll actually do is decide that I don’t have time to fuck with a bunch of assholes on power trips who think authority somehow inherently deserves respect because I want to actually visit my family. And then I’ll bump my year-end donation to the ACLU, and write my congressman about the giant waste that is the TSA.

  20. 20.

    Mike G

    November 14, 2010 at 11:58 am

    @Moses2317:

    massive waste of resources that could be spent on real security efforts like screening containers that come into ports or increasing security at chemical plants.

    B-b-but those measures would ‘hurt corporate profits’. Citizens don’t count, and authoritarian corporatists want us to be conditioned to obedience anyway so that’s a bonus. Ask Phil Gramm who days after 9/11 quashed any effective anti-terrorist-money-laundering legislation that might impinge on banksters’ lucrative money-shuffling.

  21. 21.

    Citizen Alan

    November 14, 2010 at 11:58 am

    I used to love flying so much. Just the experience of it. I haven’t flown since 2006. And I don’t expect to fly anywhere ever again unless it is to leave America for good for some place not ruled by cowardly psychopaths.

  22. 22.

    thalarctos

    November 14, 2010 at 11:59 am

    @Corner Stone: Having flown to and among England, Germany, and France in the last year, I can say that not only did I not have to take my shoes off in any of these developed nations’ airport security, but when I mentioned that I would have had to in the US, I heard a good deal of mockery of the US’ procedures from the professionals screening me in those airports. Apparently, the US TSA is an international joke.

    Ok, watch me show up on a list next time I fly home, just for this post…

  23. 23.

    Scott P.

    November 14, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    So what’s the best way to fight back against this? Not flying is obviously one choice but not one likely to get much attention. I don’t particularly want to put the airlines out of business even if I could anyway. What else?

  24. 24.

    thalarctos

    November 14, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    @Corner Stone: @Corner Stone: Having flown to and among England, Germany, the Netherlands, and France in the last year, I can say that not only did I not have to take my shoes off in any of these developed nations’ airport security, but when I mentioned that I would have had to in the US, I heard a good deal of mockery of the US’ procedures from the professionals screening me in those airports. Apparently, the US TSA is an international joke.

    Ok, watch me show up on a list next time I fly home, just for this post…

  25. 25.

    realbtl

    November 14, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    There is only one sure-fire way to combat this. We need to spread the idea through Greater Wingnuttia that the TSA has been massively infiltrated by teh ghey who are getting off on the visuals/physical contact. Guaranteed to work.

  26. 26.

    thalarctos

    November 14, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    BTW, FYWP. kthxbai.

  27. 27.

    PurpleGirl

    November 14, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Brilliant at Breakfast has a long post on this incident and also has information about how Israel handles security at Ben Gurion Airport. (And they don’t use x-ray scanners.) See

    http://brilliantatbreakfast.blogspot.com/

  28. 28.

    JD Rhoades

    November 14, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    @300baud:

    That’s pretty funny, but if I was behind you in line when you pulled that, I probably would punch you in the face. Sorry.

  29. 29.

    Roger Moore

    November 14, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    @Mike G:

    B-b-but those measures would ‘hurt corporate profits’.

    And scaring and offending people until they stop flying has no effect on corporate profits? Maybe it doesn’t. Airlines have hardly ever been profitable no matter what, so maybe there’s no harm in screwing them over even worse. It’ll just make them go bankrupt and capable of screwing over their unions that much sooner.

  30. 30.

    Corner Stone

    November 14, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    @JD Rhoades: Yeah, but what if 1 in 10 people did something similar? Do you think this kind of passive civil disobedience/protest would get people motivated? If the people who hate flying anyway now had to endure this 3 times before their turn at the pr0n scanner?

  31. 31.

    Corner Stone

    November 14, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    One time I was flying to AZ with my son (4 yrs old at the time) and it took us 45 minutes to get through just the screening part. I don’t mean the entire line, I mean just the last 10 feet of it. They inspected my son’s backpack and dvd player 3 separate times. We showed up to the gate and the plane was still there but for “security reasons” we couldn’t board in the last 10 minutes. We actually got there 15 minutes before, but no matter.
    And if you try to hold anyone accountable? Three Stooges finger pointing routine. No one will answer for any of it.

  32. 32.

    Michael

    November 14, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    @debit:

    Make sure to tip them afterward, too.

    Win – I could also lean over to give a kiss just after saying “see you again next month, baby”.

  33. 33.

    mellowjohn

    November 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    having had multiple joint replacements, i’ve been being groped for years. i once actually set off a metal detector at o’hare BEFORE i walked thru it. (otoh, i walked thru a metal detector in montego bay last month with nary a peep!) while worried a little about excessive radiation, i think the zappers are a bit of an improvement, but still a huge waste of time/money.
    i’ve called the whole farce “operation window dressing” since flying thru miami on the first day of full flight operations since 9/11 (think it was the following saturday).

  34. 34.

    Michael

    November 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    @Corner Stone:

    One time I was flying to AZ with my son (4 yrs old at the time) and it took us 45 minutes to get through just the screening part. I don’t mean the entire line, I mean just the last 10 feet of it. They inspected my son’s backpack and dvd player 3 separate times. We showed up to the gate and the plane was still there but for “security reasons” we couldn’t board in the last 10 minutes. We actually got there 15 minutes before, but no matter.

    To be fair, my then 6 year old daughter (pre 9-11) once smuggled back a coupla hundred dollars’ worth of Cuban cigars and illegal French cheese in her pink “Going to Grandma’s” bag when coming back from a trip to the French West Indies. That crazy kid….

  35. 35.

    Corner Stone

    November 14, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    @Michael: I like her style. She have a webfront storesite by any chance?

  36. 36.

    Hawes

    November 14, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    I like the idea of a massive civil disobedience display of clown suits. But for it to work, we need two things:

    1) We need to enlist ImprovEverywhere.

    2) It needs to be done at the DC airports on the afternoon the Congress adjourns for a long weekend.

    Although I bet Congresscritters don’t have to go through security, because they’re either exempt or they’re all flying on corporate jets…

  37. 37.

    cleek

    November 14, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Rueters wants to know if this shit affects your decision to fly.

  38. 38.

    JenJen

    November 14, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    @PurpleGirl: Holy shit! Also from that link:

    Last week, one of my flying partners (Captain with Skywest) was going through security at DEN with his 18 year daughter. As his daughter approached the detector, the TSO working the NoS said on his headset, “heads up, got a cutie for you.” He then confronted the TSA clerk with what he said and that neither of us are going through the NoS. The TSA clerk said you must have misunderstood me.

  39. 39.

    Brian S (formerly Incertus)

    November 14, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    @cleek: My willingness to fly in anything other than the most exigent of circumstances was affected when my sister complained about being groped at a checkpoint–in 2002.

  40. 40.

    Michael

    November 14, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    @Corner Stone:

    I like her style. She have a webfront storesite by any chance?

    She should – she has routinely extorted me for exposing her to a potential 10K fine and lengthy jail term at the age of 6.

  41. 41.

    Corey

    November 14, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    I read this item here, then saw that it got linked to on Memorandum, so I clicked over there to see what other bloggers had to say.

    I’ve been feeling pretty down-in-the-dumps recently about our country’s prospects for restoring some measure of evidence-based thinking to our political discourse. So when I noticed that several winger blogs had commented on this story, I was ready for the inevitable authoritarian diatribes about how we need the TSA for Our Safety, and that this guy deserved to have his teeth kicked in, etc.

    I clicked on Gateway Pundit, ready to laugh at the wingers. To my surprise, they just summarized and linked to the post, no editorializing, and the commenters…applauded the guy!!! I got this warm feeling, because here’s something that left and right can finally agree on – that the TSA is a worthless piece of security theater that imposes real moral, social and economic cost to the country, and a choice between being seen naked and having your junk felt up is a choice no person should have to make.

    Then I read further, and it turns out they’re just pissed that the TSA does this to everyone, and not just to Muslims.

    /headdesk

  42. 42.

    maus

    November 14, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    @Michael: Well, now we’ve got the option to either get her genitals groped like the rest of us, or have someone take snapshots of her genitals inconspicuously :(

    Yet another reason why I don’t find jokes like

    My intention is to moan loudly and with obvious ecstacy while being groped the next time I’m in the TSA line. I’m ugly, fat and middle-aged – so it’ll make some screener’s day.

    to be amusing in the slightest.

  43. 43.

    Michael

    November 14, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    @Corey:

    Then I read further, and it turns out they’re just pissed that the TSA does this to everyone, and not just to Muslims.

    Resentment over equal treatment by the repressive side of the security state pisses white people off. Thuggish behavior is reserved for use on Latinos, Negroze, dark skinned people and teh ghey. They get all Second Amendment when served up with the consequences of their security state.

  44. 44.

    Corey

    November 14, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    @Michael: I know, I guess I was just stunned that the wingnut peanut gallery couldn’t take the next step, logic-wise; that if The Terrists can outwit security screeners (as seems generally accepted, even by the wingers), they can outwit a profiling system too. Say, by having a white guy be the bomber.

    But, as we know, the categories of “terrorist” and “white person of European descent” are mutually exclusive in wingerland.

  45. 45.

    Mark

    November 14, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    @thalarctos: I just went through security in Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand and Vietnam. My shoes never came off (odd, because that’s how people have typically smuggled radioactive material out of nuclear power plants) but they did every other stupid thing that US airports do:

    – hassled me about my tweezers
    – took away my five-ounce can of shaving cream
    – got freaked out about my MP3 player, my headphones and my laptop power supply and disassembled my entire bag and ran it through the x-ray machine four times
    – made me take kleenex out of my pocket (I had a cold) and run it through the x-ray machine

  46. 46.

    thalarctos

    November 14, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    @Mark: :(.

    Bummers. Sorry to hear it–that routine sucks. The kleenex is especially gratuitous.

    FWIW, if I weren’t a middle-aged white professional woman, I bet I’d get some extra security crap even in European airports.

  47. 47.

    Jules

    November 14, 2010 at 3:12 pm

    I don’t fly.
    Not just because of the security, but also the crappy service and I would kill someone if I was shut up in a plane for a few hours waiting on the runway.
    I drive.

    I guess if I ever had the money to travel to the UK or Europe I would break down and fly…or maybe go via cruise ship.

    (of course I don’t actually travel because we have too many pets (4 cats, 3 dogs) and have yet to find someone to take care of them while we travel…but that will soon come to an end as my teenager is now old enough to stay by himself for a few days.)

  48. 48.

    aimai

    November 14, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    The Reuters poll linked to up above has some great comments. Here’s one that belongs to the “harder, officer and faster” school of right wing civil liberties:

    NOV 14, 2010
    1:08 AM EST
    […] Read the rest of the article and CAIR’s press release at the link below. I am so outraged by this preferred treatment of Muslim women that I can hardly stand it. And that preferred treatment is supposed to make us feel safer and be more tolerant toward Muslims? I don’t think so? What kind of a government do we have here? What is the matter with our Wimp President and Congress? http://blogs.reuters.com/ask/2010/11/12/ are-new-security-screenings-affecting-yo ur-decision-to-fly/ […]

  49. 49.

    Norman Rogers

    November 14, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    You know, I get tired of having to solve these problems, but I’ll take a whack at it.

    Each and every person who works in “airport security” must be professionalized. Are there 20,000 positions? Well, then you need 20,000 professionals. No more rent-a-cops, no more 300 pound chair rangers–each and every one of these people has to be a cleared, trained, professional who makes at least $100K per year.

    Each of these individuals needs to be mature and led by other professionals. No more using retired Secret Service to run roughshod over others. This needs to be a dedicated, well-organized department in the Federal government. When someone gets out of line, they need to be reviewed and held to a very high standard. If we made their rating and training equal to that of the pilots, we would see problems here and there, of course, but, by and large, you wouldn’t have the degree of problems that we have now.

    And, to be even more fair and blunt about it, if a terrorist wants to kill you, then that terrorist is going to kill you. The American people need to accept the fact that their government cannot save them if a terrorist decides to kill a plane load of people. No more panicking, no more playing politics with national security, no more whining to Daddy, no more voting for the man who seems to hate the terrorists more–we need to grow up.

    Getting on a plane requires common sense screening done by professionals who need to be trained and paid accordingly. That is our first line of defense. Our second line of defense–you need to grow up and realize that no one can save you from a terrorist if that terrorist gets past the first line of defense.

    You’re very welcome.

  50. 50.

    Pirate

    November 14, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    This is why when I fly commercial airlines, I always carry a copy of Pentagon’s declassified OPERATION NORTHWOODS, which is the US Govt’s signed confession to carrying out the 9/11 terrorist massacres by remote control, along with the explanation by ABC News.

    http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/news/20010430/northwoods.pdf
    http://abcnews.go.com/US/Story?id=92662&page=1

    Always give a copy of NORTHWOODS to airport security screeners, pilots, stewardess and passengers.

    BTW TSA employs 1,000s of foreigners and illegal aliens are airport security screeners.

  51. 51.

    Ben

    November 14, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    @Corner Stone:

    I was in Israel at the beginning of the year. They did not make me take off my shoes at the metal detector but they do submit you to a rigorous questioning (what you’re doing there, where did you go on your trip, etc.). Also, if you are Arab, be prepared for a full 20-30 minute questioning. I’m American Jewish so I got off easy but El Al is notorious for profiling.

  52. 52.

    YellowJournalism

    November 14, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    From the Reuter’s poll comments:

    It seems like I get to choose between have naked images of myself displayed to strangers (with untested radiation to boot), or being sexually molested.
    Even worse is that I have to choose which if these I want for my children. How is this even remotely acceptable?

    That sums up my feelings. If I want to visit my family in the states other than around the summertime, I have to fly. My sis is getting married next summer, but I may have to fly down earlier for all the pre-wedding stuff. I have to take both of my kids. My son, who will be three at the time, does not like to be touched or examined in his nether regions and will squirm, scream, and cry even when it’s a family member or the doctor doing it. Can you imagine the terror of some complete stranger dressed up in an intimidating-looking uniform doing it to him? I’ve been told that even if you go through the full-body scanners, you are still subject to this pat-down.

  53. 53.

    maus

    November 14, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    @Jules:

    I don’t fly.
    Not just because of the security, but also the crappy service and I would kill someone if I was shut up in a plane for a few hours waiting on the runway.
    I drive.

    My family is in Florida, I live in Washington state. While I’d love this option, I simply can not :(

  54. 54.

    WereBear

    November 14, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    When I fly, (which I have not done in 4 years) I have the option of driving 2 1/2 hours to an international airport in my state’s capital, or driving & taking a ferry for 2 1/2 hours to a little airport in a s0cia1st state nearby.

    Guess which one I choose.

  55. 55.

    gypsy howell

    November 14, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    @Moses2317:

    Ha! Terminal D&E! I go through it all the time, and it’s so fucking insulting listening to why we all need to take off our shoes and bring only 3 oz of liquids, and how terrorists can conspire together to mix their 3 oz of liquids together to make bombs but don’t worry the TSA is working on that. They think we’re 5 fucking years old. (Although, gotta hand it to them, we act like we’re 5)

    I happen to be flying on National Opt Out day. Oh happy joy.

    I was at ORD this week ,and some poor woman with two metal hips was stopped at the TSA checkpoint, and they wanted to feel her up UNDER HER SKIRT. Jeezus. What is the matter with us?

    I hope I have this guy’s courage when I get sent through the Porno-Scan. Maybe I’ll have to rent a car and drive the 1,000 miles home?

  56. 56.

    chicago dyke

    November 14, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    this is the second sketch i’ve written for Security Theatre Kabuki:

    artist: dressed in nothing but balloons. internet/instant check in/on ticket. aided by sycophant with hidden/mini camera. soundtrack added later; constant upload. audio as well as video and gps tracking via common tool.

    balloon person acts Completely Normal, but refuses invasive scanning. makes TSA enjoy some natural human interaction for a while. comedy ensues. is recorded to best of ability of artist collective.

    balloon person takes The Tack. “no, no, i won’t go!” and pops some strategically placed balloons. one. at. a. time. various digital audio devices timed to make ironically interactive comments during events, spaced among onlookers sympathetic.

    guys in suits come out of closed doors en masse. everybody runs, laughs, and tosses, a la P’s Honor, a bunch of baby dolls. The Doors!

    most of us make it. the rest of us get bailed out from the hat everybody passes out at the party at the bar.

  57. 57.

    Moses2317

    November 15, 2010 at 12:02 am

    @gypsy howell: Wow, I cannot believe you have to deal with Terminal D&E all the time at the Philly airport. I’ve only done it once, and it almost drove me insane.

    My wife and I are traveling to Pittsburgh on National Opt Out day, but decided the best way to opt out of airport security theater would be to take Amtrak. It will probably take longer, but at least we won’t have to deal with TSA.

    Winning Progressive

  58. 58.

    Nutella

    November 15, 2010 at 11:52 am

    @jcricket:

    I’m sure that’s why this guy’s story went viral: His blog also goes on about the ‘Social Security Ponzi scheme’ so he’s a wingnut in good standing.

    That and the video.

  59. 59.

    Jonathan

    November 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    Okay, fine, I agree, the TSA airport security strategy is awful, as are most of their employees, and most of what we do to get through security is pointless.

    However, refusing to go through with it is a legitimate red flag. Once you refuse, it’s perfectly rational to assume that person is a threat. Even if you say you’ll back out of line, and not take a flight, that could just mean you realize you’ve been spotted, and you don’t want to go through with your crotch bomb.

    Sounds like the TSA employees didn’t do the right thing, and let him go, but the rule makes perfect sense to me.

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