Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

We still have time to mess this up!

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

This really is a full service blog.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

I really should read my own blog.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars Prompts Man to Shoot His TV

Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars Prompts Man to Shoot His TV

by | 154 Comments

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Sometimes news is so awesome you want to take it out back and get it pregnant.

Everyone is in an uproar about Dancing with the Stars because Brandy got robbed and Bristol Palin robo-called her way into the finals. And by “everyone” I mean “people who aren’t me because I don’t give a shit.”

But this? This is enough to make me give a shit:

A rural Dane County town supervisor believes Bristol Palin should not be on “Dancing With The Stars.”

He demanded his wife get his pistols to emphasize his point.

The result: A 15-hour standoff Monday and Tuesday involving hostage negotiators, a dog team and other law enforcement authorities on one side and the Town of Vermont man on the other.

The only casualty: The man’s television.

Dane County prosecutors have charged Steven N. Cowan with second-degree reckless endangerment in the incident that made his wife worry he would shoot her, according to a criminal complaint.

Cowan, 67, and his wife were in their living room Monday night, watching the dance competition program that features the daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin as a competitor this season.

As Bristol Palin danced on the screen, Cowan raged.

“The (expletive) politics,” he yelled, according to the complaint. Cowan, a Town of Vermont supervisor, was upset that a political figure’s daughter was on the show when he didn’t consider her a good dancer, his wife told authorities.

Cowan went to his bedroom and came back about 20 minutes later, demanding that his wife find his pistols. Cowan’s daughter had taken two handguns for safety reasons, according to the complaint.

Cowan tracked down a single-shot shotgun in the house, he “slapped” shells down onto a TV tray, loaded a round and took out the TV, the complaint says.

The news is a bit sad, actually. The guy is bipolar, was off his meds, drunk, and his wife was afeared for her life:

Cowan’s face was bright red. He loaded the gun again. His wife put a blanket over her head, thinking that if her husband decided to shoot at her, she didn’t want to see it, the complaint says.

Cowan again demanded his pistols. His wife grabbed her purse and went to the police department, and the standoff ensued, the complaint says.

Cowan’s wife told authorities he has been taking medication for bipolar disorder and that the family’s finances have caused stress. He had been drinking at a bar before he came home, according to the complaint.

I hope homey goes back on his meds and that the court cuts him some slack. I do not applaud anybody who shoots a loaded gun in their house especially when their loved ones are around. However, if there ever was a time to give a medal for Shooting A Loaded Gun In One’s House, the time is now.

Okay, show’s over! Now let’s get back to Important Stuff.


[cross-posted at ABLC]

Reader Interactions

154Comments

  1. 1.

    General Stuck

    Sometimes news is so awesome you want to take it out back and get it pregnant.

    This gave me the giggles

  2. 2.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    Damn, never watched Dancing With Whatever but is it really good enough to make you shoot your load??

  3. 3.

    SiubhanDuinne

    In a way I’m glad, at least relieved, to know that the guy is bipolar and was off his meds. It was an awful situation (with just a soupçon of wackiness for shits and giggles) but knowing this dude has medical/mental health issues makes me a lot more compassionate than I was originally.

    @Stuck #1: Me too!

  4. 4.

    MikeJ

    I do not applaud anybody who shoots a loaded gun in their house

    Ever hear a gun go off inside? It wouldn’t matter if you applauded because he wouldn’t hear you for a few hours anyway.

  7. 7.

    Left Coast Tom

    If Tom Delay (R-Orkin) can Dance With The Stars, then why not Bristol Palin? Or Trig Palin? Or Track Palin? Or Buttercup Palin? Apparently there aren’t any actual standards here.

  8. 8.

    asiangrrlMN

    Man, that sucks about his meds and his wife. However, I do sympathize with the feeling. I’m tired of Bristol Palin, and I don’t even watch the damn show.

  9. 9.

    Mark S.

    DWTS has been on for almost a decade, hasn’t it? When did it acquire this cult-like following? I don’t remember people going this crazy when Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice were on it.

    Has this country lost its goddamn mind? (Rhetorical question)

  10. 10.

    ruemara

    The story made me laugh but I feel for the guy. Being bipolar is no joke, so’s being drunk. Add in Bristol’s wooden faced, rhythmic spasms and you most definitely have a recipe for disaster.

  12. 12.

    rob!

    ABC, like the Republican Party, thought it could use the Palin name to generate some heat, and now they are seeing the results: you cannot control the Palins–they are toxic, and will slowly destroy everything they touch.

    I hope Bristol “Gerry Fleck” Palin wins the damn thing, and the resultant backlash destroys the show, one of ABC’s few remaining profit centers. Then they can give Andrew Breitbart his own hour long show, like 10pm Jay Leno but with laughs.

  13. 13.

    jl

    @Mark S.: Well, some of those football payers turned out to be pretty good dancers. So, there was some drama about whether the football stars would be dancing stars.

    If Bristol sets a trend, aint looking good for dancing fans. Any bets on how well the Mittster’s brood will lead? Or the Huckabee clan?

    I don’t want to think about it.

  14. 14.

    MikeJ

    @mikefromArlington: Crazy is right. It came from zerohedge, so by definition, crazy.

    Obama tried to call something a pocket veto when it really wasn’t. The house said, it’s a veto or it’s not, but we weren’t adjourned, so it couldn’t be a pocket veto. So they had an override vote that Nancy knew would fail to point out that it was in fact a real veto, not a pocket veto.

  15. 15.

    Bnut

    @rob!:

    Then they can give Andrew Breitbart his own hour long show, like 10pm Jay Leno but with laughs

    Will Andrew’s dinky wang be the source of most of the laughs? The answer is yes.

    EDIT: This can only be bad for Oboma.

  16. 16.

    Hunter Gathers

    I’m not really surprised about Bristol’s ‘success’ on DWTS. What else are our teabagger overlords going to do on a Monday night? Monday Night Football has way to many black people on for them to stomach.

  17. 17.

    The Dangerman

    I’m guessing Bristol knows that “winning” places her in the middle of a storm she doesn’t want (as she starts her new career in her new home of Hollywood)…

    …so I predict she takes her Ma’s approach and comes out on stage Monday night and quits.

    Now, THAT would be live TV.

  20. 20.

    zuzu

    There have been less-talented people getting into the finals on the strength of their fan bases before, like Marie Osmond and her doll-buying army, or Kelly Osbourne, who had no natural constituency but was so thrilled to be there and so funny that people kept voting for her. But it wasn’t like there were outside groups rigging the voting in any kind of systematic way. And if I’m not mistaken, the judges’ scores count for more in the finals.

    Also, Sarah made an appearance on the show and got booed on live TV.

  21. 21.

    mikefromArlington

    @MikeJ:

    So, what you’re saying is votes don’t matter if the measure you vote for fails.

    That makes total sense. I mean, why should we hold elected officials accountable for their votes and stuff. :P

  22. 22.

    b-psycho

    @mikefromArlington: From the article:

    Congress passed H.R. 3808 by a secret voice vote so that the names of the congress members voting for it wouldn’t be recorded.

    Why are secret votes EVER allowed?

    “Representative government” my ass…

  23. 23.

    MikeJ

    @mikefromArlington: The same people that already voted for it once voted for it again. So what? It already came up for a vote, some people voted for it, more people didn’t. Why should I have a hissy fit because nothing changed?

  26. 26.

    soonergrunt

    Rachel Maddow is reporting that there enough republican votes to prevent/end a filibuster on the Defense Authorization Bill, including the repeal of DADT.
    The three republicans who are supposed to have switched are Lugar, Collins, and Murkowski.
    The report is officially due to the Senate on December 01, and Senator Levin has announced his intent to hold hearings immediately.

    Maddow and her guest are guessing that Snowe and Voinovitch will support this as well.

  28. 28.

    Warren Terra

    I don’t really much care, and I hope that the young Ms. Palin manages to assemble a good life for herself from what must be a deeply strange upbringing. I just find it amusing that Noted Christian Sarah Palin’s daughter, a single mother just out of her teenage years, is shaking her stuff on national TV wearing an awfully short red dress – and it’s OK with the American Taliban. Can you imagine if the daughter of a prominent Democrat were doing half the stuff that Palin’s daughter is?

  29. 29.

    mikefromArlington

    Holy crap. Who shit in your Cheerios. Relax hero.

    It’s nicknamed secret because the votes aren’t recorded.

    The name makes sense. You don’t.

  31. 31.

    Martin

    I love this DWTS outcome.

    A group of fringe voters marinading in their own irrationality overpower a representative, invested population, with the likely outcome that they destroy an institution in their efforts to validate their cult of personality.

    It’s the perfect metaphor for what’s happening to America, starring all the same actors. So goes DWTS, so goes America.

  32. 32.

    morzer

    Bristol Palin looked quite hot in the gorilla suit. Or so my gorilla friends tell me.

    What do you mean you don’t talk to gorillas? I wear a Terrible Towel and sing to mine….

  33. 33.

    Mark S.

    I never thought Reihan Salam was very bright, but man has he gotten dumber since joining NRO. The question: Were the Bush Tax Cuts Good for Growth? Since the 2000’s were the worst decade for growth since the 1930’s, the answer is probably no. Reihan refutes all this by talking about ex-cons paying child support and pretending that Bush cut spending and reduced the cost of Medicare. It makes even less sense if you try to read it.

  34. 34.

    Ecks

    Mrs. Ecks has picked up DWTS as her mindless relaxation du jour, so I’ve watched a few episodes… and have to say that Bristol has kind of grown on me – she’s not a good dancer and has no discernible personality… but at the same time she’s just a random kid from the suburbs, and it’s not her fault ma is certifiable. She’s come a long way from deer in headlights, to actually sorta kinda maybe being able to dance and stay in minimal character for 2 minutes at a time. I’m making a conscious effort to let her just be Bristol on the show, rather than a pawn-extension of her mother. Kid’s doin’ ok.

    But still a travesty that she stayed and Brandi was booted.

  36. 36.

    General Stuck

    Speaking of Sarah Serendipity.

    A dispatch from the Pot meets Kettle Files

    According to the Associated Press, Sarah Palin blasts Levi Johnston in her new book, America by Heart.

    She says it was “disgusting” to watch Johnston, “the estranged father of her grandson, exploit his sudden fame after she was chosen as Sen. John McCain’s running mate in the 2008 election. She alleges that he was absent when her daughter Bristol Palin gave birth to Tripp and that he disgraced himself by repeatedly criticizing the Palins.”

    I hope John McCain burns for eternity.

  37. 37.

    morzer

    @Ecks:

    Her footwork is pretty shoddy, and she loses the time more than she should. Still, they can always rebrand the show as “Hopping around in a discombobulated fashion with the Stars”.

  40. 40.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN: Me either. I’ve heard infinitely more bitching about her still being on the show than I’ve seen of the damn show itself.

    I can’t help but think that if we could all manage to collectively ignore her, she’d go away.

    On a related topic, is it wrong that Willow Palin’s Facebook rant reminded me of matoko_chan’s posts? I mean, all I want to do is teach Willow how to say “memetic selection for IQ”, and they’d be twins. Except Willow seems to have better command of English grammar.

  41. 41.

    asiangrrlMN

    @suzanne: I think ignoring her would make her shrivel up and wither away. Or, so I can only hope.

    Snort. I just love the way you take down makoto_chan. I would pay money to see you two go toe-to-toe (after you give birth. Which is soon, right? Live blogging!).

  43. 43.

    Ecks

    @morzer: Nowhere do I claim that she measures up to any of the remaining people in terms of ability to dance. It’s a travesty that she’s in the final.

    Where I’ll defend her a bit is that she looks like a bunch of the kids i get in my classes – a bit dazed that she’s in the spotlight, not much to contribute because they haven’t really been out and lived yet. She looked exactly like they would (and I probably would) at the start, clomping around, a bit camera shy, somewhat overwhelmed with all the personalities around you demanding that you suddenly manifest charisma. And from that standing start she’s come along surprisingly well. The others on the show have been performers for decades, she’s just a random kid, so of course they are better than her.

    In the end that means that they should stay and she should go, but all I’m saying is that I started off not liking her because of who her mom is, and then I realized that this wasn’t fair and if I try to take her as her own person then I can be happy for her that she’s figuring out how to come out of her shell a bit.

    Maybe she’ll turn around and really be a total douchenozzle – it’s a dancing show, not an introspection into their souls (and let’s face it, quite a few of the stars are pretty obnoxious people behind the scenes)… but for now I’m trying to be somewhat happy for her on her own terms.

  44. 44.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne:

    I mean, all I want to do is teach Willow how to say “memetic selection for IQ”, and they’d be twins.

    You do seem to enjoy going for miracles don’t you? :) Of course I bet you could trick Willow into saying it, it’s not like she’s the brainy one in the family.

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I think ignoring her would make her shrivel up and wither away.

    Not until Madame Starbursts loses her looks and the old Republican men need a new fapping target. Then maybe Bristol will have to actually earn a living. Although it seems the only one capable of actual work is Todd so far.

  45. 45.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Hiiiii, honey! I’ve missed you! Guess what? I was researching rings for my novel (with an onyx stone) and ran across this little gem that I absolutely adore. You’re gonna have to open your wallet VERY wide to purchase it for me. Kiss kiss!

    P.S. I did not notice the price until after I fell in love. Like I’ve said, I’m easy–but not cheap.

    P.P.S. I was waiting for you to show up so I could show this to you. Bat bat bat.

  46. 46.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I would pay money to see you two go toe-to-toe (after you give birth. Which is soon, right? Live blogging!).

    God, I hope so. She’s officially due Dec. 29, but my high-risk OB wants me induced a week early. But things could change any time, really. I’m being monitored twice a week, so we’ll see. I, however, am officially sick of being a sphere.

    @morzer: She hasn’t specifically ripped on teh gheyz, no. Just everyone who didn’t attend the Ivy League.

  48. 48.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: Hear that thunking sound? That was me curling over dead from a heart attack after seeing the price tag. Unlike what our idiot Republican overlords think, I r not a rich gubmint worker.

  49. 49.

    asiangrrlMN

    @suzanne: Keep us posted. We love us some babies here at Balloon Juice!

    @Yutsano: I know! I couldn’t believe when I saw the price tag. I fell out of love reeeeeally quickly. It’s dead to me now.

    ETA: I have the soul of an artisan/haute couture gal with the heart of a philistine.

    And in honor of me, I play you this song.

  51. 51.

    hamletta

    Ran some errands this afternoon during NPR news, and they’d apparently run a segment yesterday on the outrage about Bristol’s win, with an interview from a French(!) ballroom dancing expert.

    They got a bunch of outraged e-mails from people offended that they’d covered it at all.

    It was funny, though, because the French guy had said, “One word: unbelievable,” and they went into the break playing that silly early ’90s hit.

  53. 53.

    Mark S.

    @ricky:

    Well, I’ve read some articles that make Todd sound like some Alaskan Svengali who was actually running the state and I’ve also read articles where it sounds like he’s been sleeping on the couch for the past two years. I guess these things aren’t mutually exclusive.

  54. 54.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN: Um, holy shit, that ring is fuckin’ rad.

    I laughed yesterday, because my mom, who is already getting WAY too into the Wills-and-Kate wedding, told me that Diana’s sapphire engagement ring, which William apparently gave to Kate, was known as “the commoner’s ring,” despite being worth approximately half a million bucks in today’s dollars. An 18-karat sapphire. How passé.

  56. 56.

    asiangrrlMN

    @suzanne: I’m over it. Really. I am. I didn’t want it, anyway. No way it wouldn’t look so fucking hot on my hand.

    I don’t get into the whole royal nuptials thing, but holy shit. An 18-karat sapphire ring is common. Nice.

    ETA: When I looked at boots on Zappos.com, I saw a pair I LOVED. $1,300. Yeah, suddenly, not so attractive. Sheesh. I really do have champagne tastes!

    @Yutsano: Heh. It’s a catchy tune, though.

  57. 57.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: You almost had me at Jamie Foxx. Almost. Mmm…fyne chocolate. But Kanye hasn’t shown enough attrition for the Taylor Swift incident IMHO.

  58. 58.

    Cliff

    This is the kind of old man I want to grow up to be.

    Minus the bipolar thing, I don’t envy him that.

    But I want for my equally aged wife to say, “Oh, Jesus, there’s Cliff yelling for his pistols again. I told him he’s not allowed to watch TV before bed.”

  60. 60.

    suzanne

    @morzer: Well, she claimed that anyone who didn’t go to Harvard or MIT was an idiot, or something. She wasn’t being exceptionally articulate at the time. She writes the way I sound when the novocaine’s only worn off halfway, after all.

  61. 61.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I mean, c’mon, what sort of Government Moocher did you marry anyway? Of course ACORN will fund the purchase because, as we can all see, it’s a BLACK ring!

    Now, let me get into my pimp gear, and investigate this Yutsano-ACORN connection.

  64. 64.

    morzer

    @suzanne:

    She’s probably taken a tour through Wellesley and developed delusions of grandeur. Happens to teenage girls of a certain sort, or so I am told.

  66. 66.

    asiangrrlMN

    @morzer: At first I thought you typed John Boehner which made me want to poke my eyes out with my rusty pitchfork. Then I saw what you actually typed, and now I must bleach my brain to get rid of the horrible images.

  68. 68.

    Yutsano

    @morzer: Are you TRYING to get on the wrong end of a rusty farm implement? It kinda looks fun on TV I know. It’s not. Please, for the sake of your future progeny, eschew this course of action.

    @asiangrrlMN: You can’t say I didn’t warn the child. And my strange crush on Old Man Yells At Football? Gone now that he and respect for women are mutually exclusive. I’ll move on to Peyton Hillis.

  70. 70.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Well, really.. here I am trying to simultaneously cleanse your mind and create a den of vice into which to lure Yutsano… all because of your demand for dubious video of a poorly edited quality.

    The life of an artist is truly harsh!

  72. 72.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN: I too have good taste that exceeds my income. Then I remember that instead of money, I have other fine qualities. Like I bake awesome cheesecakes.

  73. 73.

    Ecks

    Everyone just chill out. When our Soros checks arrive in the mail it’ll be diamond rings for everyone

    (to match the refrigeration rings on our other hands that feature the frozen sparkling tears of Real True Conservatives, crying for the country they want back*)

    *may contain up to 112% crazy by weight

  74. 74.

    WyldPirate

    @Martin:

    It’s the perfect metaphor for what’s happening to America, starring all the same actors. So goes DWTS, so goes America.

    Damn, I am glad your being sarcastic because suffering through this metaphor isn’t funny at all.

  75. 75.

    suzanne

    @morzer:

    John Bolton posing for Beefcake Boys.

    Wow. That’s even kinkier than my crush on Regis Philbin. Damn.

    EDIT: My iPhone auto-corrected “kinkier” to “junkies”. I think it’s trying to tell me something.

  76. 76.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne:

    Like I bake awesome cheesecakes.

    You. Share. Now. Just remember, I haz connections down your way. :)

    @morzer: Meh, I’m moving on. Peyton shall do quite nicely I must say.

  77. 77.

    Mark S.

    The only thing that could make me want to see John Boehner in a speedo is the prospect that at least it isn’t John Bolton in one. Thanks everyone for these horrible images.

  79. 79.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Ecks: I’m watching Jon Stewart’s takedown of Beck right now, and it reminds me why I loved him in the first place. And, it’s onyx, BAY-BEEEE! Black, like my soul.

    @suzanne: I thought you said you were awesome cheesecake–and that perked me up a bit. Though, actual cheesecake is yummy, too. I actually wouldn’t buy the ring even if I had the money. I just lust for it in my heart.

    @Yutsano: He’s more your type, anyway (The Dawg Peyton).

  81. 81.

    morzer

    @suzanne:

    You’ve reminded me, I ought to make a surreptitious trip to the local Cheesecake Factory and get a few little goodies for my wife’s birthday in three days time.

  82. 82.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I thought you said you were awesome cheesecake

    Typically, yes. Not at the moment, though, unless you’re into red hot preggies, which… weird.

  84. 84.

    Mark S.

    @Yutsano:

    Peyton? I think Eli got the looks of those two, even though Peyton is a billion times better quarterback.

    And just a pet peeve of mine, why in the hell did Eli get the MVP of that Super Bowl? The Giants’ defensive line won the game for them, and any of those guys should have won it. Eli throws a desperation pass with his eyes closed and his wide receiver makes a brilliant catch and he gets the MVP?

  85. 85.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne:

    Not at the moment, though, unless you’re into red hot preggies, which… weird.

    A) That fetish exists out there. Rule #34 isn’t just for show you know.

    B) I put nothing past wifey. Nothing. Hell I’d even lay a fiver she’s done a pregnant woman before.

    @Mark S.: Surname is important here. Peyton Hillis. Running back, Cleveland Browns. Striking resemblance to my once and possible future other half.

  90. 90.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano: I know that fetish exists, but I still find it weird. I know some dudes get really into their wives/girlfriends when they’re knocked up ’cause it makes ’em feel all virile and shit, but the generic attraction to pregnant chicks strikes me as strange.

    I went out with a dude in college who confessed that his number-one turn-on was the idea of knocking a girl up. I stopped dating him before we ever banged, though, ’cause I didn’t trust him with the condoms.

  91. 91.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Meaning you, surely? How do you expect anyone to buy enough cheesecake to fill Cole and Tunch, not to mention the voracious Yutsano and insatiable Suzanne? Also too, the gaping void that calls itself matoko-chan.

  95. 95.

    suzanne

    @morzer: Just write “This cheesecake is proof of the existence of a just and benevolent God” on it frosting and matoko won’t want any.

  96. 96.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: Mmm yeahno. I’m glad you were a helluva lot more sensitive to the major red flags than other females can be. If they were actually paying attention instead of going all googly-eyed, I think it would improve the divorce rate vastly in this country. And lest I get accused of sexism, men are worse about this, but in their case it goes more towards looks. Sigh. I sometimes think we should all be gay except for the reproduction. It would save a helluva lot of grief. Wait…some of my relationships have been disastrous too. Scratch that.

    @asiangrrlMN: Clarification is always positive. And thanks for the eye candy hon. I wuv u tons!

    @suzanne: I thought that was beer. But cheesecake works too.

  97. 97.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Mark S.: OK, your end rant made me laugh.

    @suzanne: And you made me chortle.

    @Yutsano: Right back atcha (on the wub part). If a guy said that to me (what suzanne said the guy said to her), I would be out of there so fast, he would have a case of freezer burn on his balls.

    morzer, well, you can get them from him! Sweet talk him! Show him pics of Peyton Hallis! You’re creative! Think of something.

  98. 98.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano:

    I sometimes think we should all be gay except for the reproduction. It would save a helluva lot of grief. Wait…some of my relationships have been disastrous too. Scratch that.

    Yeah, I tried that. It was just as drama-ridden as dating a dude. But with less cock, and i have to admit I missed that part.

    And don’t give me that much credit. I married my ex-husband, and the warning signs couldn’t have glowed any brighter if they’d been in Vegas.

  99. 99.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I was thinking of threatening to put a signed picture of Peggy Noonan smooching Maureen Dowd above the main entrance to his underground lair….. That ought to pry the ACORN cash from his corrupt claws.

  100. 100.

    asiangrrlMN

    @suzanne: Yep. Women are teh crazeees. And, I like the cock too much to totally give it up, either. Sigh.

    ETA: Which means, THREESOME! And treble the craziness. Which I had to say mainly because I love the word treble. We don’t use it often enough.

    @morzer: Oh, hell yeah. That would make me give you whatever you want, too.

  101. 101.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: Yes but did you REPRODUCE with your ex-husband? I do fully realize I am setting myself up for egg on the face and such, but I’m also trying to put a positive spin on a bad part of your life. Divorce can actually make two people happier, but when kids are involved it’s ugly period.

    @asiangrrlMN: I freely admit it. I just do not get female naughty bits. I’ve seen them, I’ve touched them, hell I’ve even had intercourse with them (it’s called a PAST, hon), but now I just look at them and pretty much go meh. Maybe I should be a gynecologist.

  103. 103.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano:

    Yes but did you REPRODUCE with your ex-husband?

    Um, yes, I did. Which is why I still get the pleasure of putting up with his non-child-support-paying ass.

  104. 104.

    morzer

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Well, if one poster showing the Abomination of Desolation Maureen Dowd and Peggy Noonan edition is all it takes.. screw spending 16 grand of ACORN money, say I!

  105. 105.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: Yep. Saw that minefield coming a hundred miles away. Still walked into it. Sigh. I really should shut up now.

    @asiangrrlMN:I guess I deserve a touch of credit for recognizing I was about to make a major dumbdonkey of myself. I shan’t be expecting a cheesecake for Christmas now. Hell at this rate if I get out of this thread alive I’ll take that as a win.

  106. 106.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Wait, you mean you’ve actually had sex with a woman? I’m shocked! Shocked I tell ya (and yeah, I could have told you to ix-nay on the “at least you didn’t” with suzanne). I just love bodies in general. LOVE them.

    @morzer: Ha! I knew you would go down that path. But no. I am made of sterner stuff than that! I want my ring, damn it!

  107. 107.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano: Gynecology sounds like an excellent career path. My obstetrician is a Republican. And it grosses me out when he touches my twat. I worry about cooties. I told him that we were referring to the fetus as the Terrorist Anchor Baby, and he didn’t get that I was joking. GOD. Republicans just aren’t funny.

  111. 111.

    asiangrrlMN

    @morzer: I don’t want to Google that, do I? And yet, I must. You. Suck. Shudder. And, I could kick Gollum’s scrawny ass any day.

    @suzanne: Um, switch? Or is that not possible? I am not intimate in the ways of obstetricians.

    @Yutsano: Aw, poor baby. But look how well she took it! I like her. Thank you for adding her to my harem our family.

  112. 112.

    Ecks

    @Yutsano: Same thing except for male ones. I don’t really get how people find them attractive. Very glad that they do, but… yeah.

    (and apparently the data says that divorce isn’t really bad for kids at all, unless they get used as pawns in the fighting, in which case it’s horrible).

  113. 113.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne:

    GOD. Republicans just aren’t funny.

    Senses of humor are inherently liberal. Although it doesn’t quite explain my libertarian-leaning brother who’s also a fucking crack-up.

    @Ecks:

    (and apparently the data says that divorce isn’t really bad for kids at all, unless they get used as pawns in the fighting, in which case it’s horrible).

    The second point you make there is really the money shot. After they recover from the initial trauma, seeing their parents happier is much better for the kids. But if they get used as revenge pieces then yeah they get all kinds of fucked up.

    Full disclosure: I am pretty much anti-marriage.

  114. 114.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN: It’s kind of a pain to switch in the middle of a pregnancy. It can be done, but I already have so much scheduled and coordinated with them that it would be a big project. And it would be expensive. Blar.

  115. 115.

    Mark S.

    ooooooh . . . Peggy Noonan

    (just kidding. Besides, she’d probably make me wear a Ronald Reagan mask. Or, gasp, dress up like John Paul II.)

  117. 117.

    asiangrrlMN

    I love all the bits! Male and female! That’s prolly why I’m bi. And in honor of all the bits…I give you this!

    @suzanne: Ah. Yes. That makes sense–especially with you so close to your due date. And, humor does have a liberal slant.

    @Yutsano: Moi, aussi on the anti-marriage bit. That’s why I much prefer fake-marrying to the real thing.

  119. 119.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: I keep hoping him going to law school will snap him out of it. Although it will be strange to think of him making more money than me. At least probably initially. I discovered the other day the particular training I have is rather sought after by outside sources. Doubt they could match my benefit package though.

    @asiangrrlMN: I just wanted to say, giving the general tenor of this thread, that video getting played was inevitable.

  120. 120.

    suzanne

    @asiangrrlMN: See, in regards to the junk, for me it’s very much a form-follows-function thing. But that’s because I am a horrible, selfish wretch.

  121. 121.

    Ecks

    @asiangrrlMN: The bottle landing on the ground at the beginning of the video, and spewing milk out, was clearly an intimation of some kind. Probably that we shouldn’t cry ;)

  122. 122.

    Ecks

    @asiangrrlMN: The bottle landing on the ground at the beginning of the video, and spewing milk out, was clearly an intimation of some kind. Probably that we shouldn’t cry ;)

  123. 123.

    suzanne

    @Yutsano: IME, law school either turns people into raging liberals or complete conservative money-grubbing fuckwads. No middle ground. It’s strange.

  124. 124.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Well, yes. It was pretty much inevitable from the start, wasn’t it? And, really, like I need an excuse to link to Kylie.

    @suzanne: Wait, what? Damn. Two essential stages I missed out on. And, yes, the function of the penis is VERY important as well.

  125. 125.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne: He won’t go conservative I know that for sure. He’s an agnostic, and nothing pisses him off more than the Christian Right. And I mean nothing. Hell I’m a theist and he gives me shit for that. He’s very much an evidence-based rational person. He’s just got a strange definition of rational at this stage of his life. That and tweaking his liberal older brother is still fun for him.

  126. 126.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Yutsano: Well, yes. It was pretty much inevitable from the start, wasn’t it? And, really, like I need an excuse to link to Kylie.

    @suzanne: Wait, what? Damn. Two essential stages I missed out on. And, yes, the function of the cock is VERY important as well. Please note, I first used pen is, which put me in moderation hell. Fucker

    @Ecks: Yes. That is CLEARLY what the spilled milk in the beginning is going for. Very allegoric is our my Kylie. Or metaphorical. Or something. Sorry, what? I’m watching KYLIE!

  129. 129.

    Ecks

    @asiangrrlMN: Yeah, I’m perceptive like that.

    BTW, speaking of funky muzak, someone just put me on to Girl Talk the other day. Mindblowing. New Order, White Zombie, Grand Funk Railroad, Kesha, Ludacris, and U2 all mashed in one song… and it works. fwaw.

  130. 130.

    asiangrrlMN

    @morzer: Oh my god! I love it! Bwahahahahaha!

    @suzanne: By the way, I kinda picture you looking like Kylie (but preggers). I hope you don’t mind.

    @Ecks: Yeah, I can’t get into Girl Talk for some reason. I dunno why. A failing on my part, I am sure.

  134. 134.

    Ecks

    You got me looking up Wet Spot songs… saw a long monologue and thought “no way she has a Toronto accent”… Who knew, local girl makes good! Very encouraging.

  135. 135.

    Anne Laurie

    @asiangrrlMN:
    __

    I was researching rings for my novel (with an onyx stone) and ran across this little gem that I absolutely adore.

    Well, it’s a nice concept ring, very pretty to look at, but WTF is “molten onyx“?

    Also, I’m afraid it would be a bitch-and-a-half to wear — probably quite heavy, and the width would interfere with every movement of your hand. Not to mention the breakability issue, because in my experience onyx figures will sometimes shatter when dropped.

    Of course, this is the opinion of a woman who picked out an engagement/wedding ring set with an opal and hollow-backed. We both love opals, and it was a ring I could see wearing 24/7 for the rest of my life. Except that of course opal is a “fragile” stone, so the first one shattered after a few years, and its replacement (a fire opal) is visibly battered. (One of these days, we tell each other, we’ll have the funds to replace it with a topaz, which is my birthstone.) Also, the hollow behind it tends to trap moisture, which means I get a rash and have to leave off wearing it for a couple weeks every few years…

  136. 136.

    Ian Preston

    So there are parts of the world where if you give the public the right to decide on an entertainment show they’ll vote for a right wing advocate of sexual abstinence over people who can actually dance properly. Unbelievable.

  137. 137.

    Anne Laurie

    @suzanne:
    __

    I laughed yesterday, because my mom, who is already getting WAY too into the Wills-and-Kate wedding, told me that Diana’s sapphire engagement ring, which William apparently gave to Kate, was known as “the commoner’s ring,” despite being worth approximately half a million bucks in today’s dollars. An 18-karat sapphire. How passé.

    Heh, I actually remember those comments back in the early 1980s (yes, I am old, like your mom). And that was the clean version, saying that hankering after a rock the size of a walnut proved Lady Di had the “klassy” suburban tastes of a footy player’s girlfriend. The unexpurgated snark was that poor Diana inherited the Leman Gene, and any woman so publicly selling her maidenhead would want to let the world know she was getting a good price for it.

  138. 138.

    SRW1

    I am going to sell my TV and follow the morzer, Yutsano and asiangrrlMN dialogs on this blog instead. Way more entertaining.

    Would you guys consider doing them as a podcast though?

  139. 139.

    kay

    The DWTS controversy is actually huge.

    I don’t get involved with those zany Palin kids and their hi-jinks but I may be the only person in this town who doesn’t have an opinion on it.

    I would say it’s running 95-5 against perceived Palin manipulation of the process. They’re pissed. We have a paralegal here who has a sort of timeline, and she gets increasingly het up with each abuse. I have never known her to pay any attention to anything like she follows this.

    I’m having way too much fun with it. I listen, and shake my head sadly, about the corruption.

    They think she’s cheating.

  140. 140.

    barstoolcadaver

    Hoo boy, man o man. Do the Beverly SnowBillies have to be on every channel all the damn time? Mind you, their confusion with the swimming pool is charming, although I still can’t figure out why Jethro left the Palin-Clampett clan after he knocked up Ellie-Mae. They’ll probably try to explain that next season, around sweeps time.

  141. 141.

    matoko_chan

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Snort. I just love the way you take down makoto_chan. I would pay money to see you two go toe-to-toe (after you give birth. Which is soon, right? Live blogging!)

    take me down? neither of you twodigit bioluddite dimbos has ever even scuffed the Full Wrathful of my self esteem.
    i am an elitist intellectual snob and proud of it.
    but sure, lets do skirms. It isnt like you can do a ranked arena with me.
    i can take you bitchy old broads and morzer too with one frontal lobe tied behind my back.

    @AGL
    Monday should be supersweet. There may be a riot in the studio audience. I would luff to see the bristols and the jennifers respective fanbases pulling each others hair and scratching and biting each other.

  142. 142.

    Poopyman

    @jl:

    If Bristol sets a trend, aint looking good for dancing fans. Any bets on how well the Mittster’s brood will lead? Or the Huckabee clan?
    __
    I don’t want to think about it.

    “Dancing with the Duggars”

    There! That oughta kill this thread deader’n dead….

  144. 144.

    matoko_chan

    @morzer: and another thing.
    you retards persistantly misrepresent everything i say.
    Can’t you read?
    I SAID people that dont have the COGNITIVE ABILITY to understand meiosis, ToE, and climatology dont ON AVERAGE have the intellectual substrate to get into Harvard or MIT.
    I SAID that in response to the conservative pundocracy having a collective meltdown of infinite butthurt about elite students fleeing the TP/GOP like scaleded cats.
    I SAID the conservitards understand perfectly why this happening, but they CANNOT TALK ABOUT SALAM-DOUTHAT STRATIFICATION because that will piss off their base.
    I SAID talentless Bristol being voted onwards on DwtS by Dimbo Palin’s cult is EXACTLY the same as twodigit Bush being IQ-bussed into Harvard with Daddies money and connections.
    It is affirmative action for the talent gap.

  145. 145.

    matoko_chan

    @suzanne: that is not what i said and either you know it or you have the reading comprehension of a teabagger. you and that other dimwitted hag can either quote me and refute me or stfu.

  146. 146.

    suzanne

    @matoko_chan:

    you retards persistantly misrepresent everything i say.
    Can’t you read?

    It would help if you wrote in, uh, English.

    I will confess to not being fluent in the language of your imaginary friends.

    take me down? neither of you twodigit bioluddite dimbos has ever even scuffed the Full Wrathful of my self esteem.

    I know this might come as a shock, but I’m smarter than you are, and have just as much, if not more, education as you… IN SOMETHING ELSE.

    i can take you bitchy old broads and morzer too with one frontal lobe tied behind my back.

    Bitchy I will TOTALLY cop to. Old… not so sure about. We’re probably right about the same age. One frontal lobe tied behind your back—I would LOVE to see that. LOVE.

  147. 147.

    suzanne

    @matoko_chan:

    that is not what i said and either you know it or you have the reading comprehension of a teabagger. you and that other dimwitted hag can either quote me and refute me or stfu.

    Now, now, Willow, that’s not appropriate language.

  148. 148.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Anne Laurie: Oh, I would never buy it, even if I had the money. It would shatter in a second on my hand, and no way I would spend that much money on a ring. It just amuses me that I ALWAYS go for the most expensive before I even know the price!

    @SRW1: I certainly would. I have a GREAT voice–it’s made for podcasts!

    @suzanne: Oh my god. I have her pied so I only get to see her brilliant remarks when other people quote them. That first one…full of win! And, if I am the ‘old hag’ to which she’s referring, first of all, that’s ageist. I am, indeed, older than she is (at least mentally), but like fine wine, I just get better with age. And, even she will admit that I am smarter than she is because I am Asian and she is white. That is irrefutable by her own logic. Bitch? Hell, yeah! But at least I’m not a stupid bitch or a mean bitch (like her). Hahahahahaha! I do have to say, though, that I stay away from her mostly because it seems a tiny bit unfair to pick on someone so mentally incompetent.

  150. 150.

    matoko_chan

    catfight!
    suzanne, i meant two digits in IQ. but you know that.
    i’ll check back tonite when you old bitch skanks are trash talking me when im not here.
    agmn, if u wanna battle u will have to unpie me.
    but i dont give a shit relly.
    oldgrrls just cant represent
    they lose they temps an get all bent
    they cant admit that im so fly
    ill beat them down when i come by
    at rhymin an slangin i cant be beat
    cuz they are ho’s an im too l33t

    l8r
    :)

  152. 152.

    THE

    @suzanne:
    “It would help if you wrote in, uh, English.”

    She’s so cold and human
    It’s something humans do
    She stays so golden solo
    She’s so number nine
    She’s incredible math
    Just incredible math

    Lithium Flower ;)

  153. 153.

    mev

    I think Bristol would be a good dancer in a different format. She looks like a belly dancer and would be great and graceful at that if she studied with some top teachers in LA. It would give a different slant to DWTS. I don’t think she is the ballroom dance type.

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