Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

American history and black history cannot be separated.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, door #2)

Reality always gets a vote in the end.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Let me file that under fuck it.

White supremacy is terrorism.

“Perhaps I should have considered other options.” (head-desk)

The real work of an opposition party is to oppose.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

The arc of the moral universe does not bend itself. it is up to us to bend it.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Democracy is not a spectator sport.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Petty moves from a petty man.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

We know you aren’t a Democrat but since you seem confused let me help you.

You are here: Home / I Fought The Law, and….?

I Fought The Law, and….?

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Nevada Senator John Ensign (R-homewrecker) skates on sex/bribery charges before the Federal Election Commission despite the fact that it is undisputed that his parents forked ovre $96k to his mistress for…what? Services rendered? Silence?

And why does this moral crater slide like butter down the side of prime steak?

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Because his parents say they were so moved by their love of their son’s object of desire that they it was just a joy to hand her and her family nearly 100 big ones.  It was a gift, you see, and no, not ever, never a bribe.

And the FEC did not spit in stifled laughter at this nonsense.  Oh no.  They swallowed:

“As a practical matter, it is doubtful that an investigation would produce any additional evidence that would contradict or outweigh this testimony,” the FEC wrote. “Accordingly, we conclude that an investigation in this matter is unwarranted and would not be an efficient use of Commission resources.”

Nothing to see here, move along…

__

I’m not a lawyer (yes — this is yet another field of knowledge about which I know nothing) so I can’t judge whether or not the evidentiary standard the FEC invokes here is really this constraining.

But there is no way this passes the smell test.

The man catted around; arranged to have his mistress paid off; and he’s good to go.

Ladies and Gentlemen:  Your Republican Party.

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With an emphasis on Party.

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Update: and yeah, I know that IOKIYAR is old, old news.  But I’m antique enough and tired enough that this kind of naked, in-my-face reminder that there is one law for thee and me and one for them…F**k it.  I can’t even write a simple sentence about this any more, I’m that pissed.

Image:  Eugène Delacroix, “Louis d’Orléans Showing His Mistress,” 1825-6

Reader Interactions

54Comments

  2. 2.

    Hunter Gathers

    This week, on another installment of It’s OK If You Are A Republican..

    This guy gets my vote as Most Pathetic Person of 2010. What kind of douchebag gets mommy and daddy to pay off his mistress?

  7. 7.

    Strypgia

    Remember the ancient past, when this kind of thing would irretrievably sink a man’s whole career? Gary Hart blew up his whole campaign just for pictures with a mistress. This is flat out payoffs, and we get a shrug?

  9. 9.

    Dennis SGMM

    So the FEC failed to deliver a debilitating wrist slap to Ensign. So what? The only cure for the U.S. Senate is to release a few dozen shit-eating pigs in the chamber and then bolt the doors.

  11. 11.

    Anonymous At Work

    The FEC’s statement reads likes, “We have a record of a payment that’s barely-technically legal but fails every smell-test we have. However, no party to the transaction is going to give testimony that it was illegal and there’s no other proof, so we’re gonna have to give up for lack an angle to work.”

  14. 14.

    beltane

    @J.W. Hamner: Well, we could use a resident art curator here, or maybe an Ombudsman Emeritus of the Fine and Applied Arts. I would suck at the job, since the events of the past few months have made me think of nothing but Hieronymus Bosch.

  17. 17.

    Linda Featheringill

    @J.W. Hamner:

    I’ve always felt this blog was lacking in oil paintings… I just hope Levenson doesn’t declare himself Balloon Juice’s art curator.

    Yes.

    I do enjoy the paintings.

    Don’t think I’ve ever seen this one. Don’t think I would forget it. [Am I old enough for this blog?]

  18. 18.

    MobiusKlein

    @Anonymous At Work: 20 people saw the murder, but nobody can remember what the killer’s face looked like.

    Why didn’t Clinton pay off the various folks, that’s what I want to know.

  20. 20.

    Mike Kay (Hippie Hunter)

    I think the bigger issue is how to use the scandal in upcoming 2012 senate race.

    Ensign is dumb enough to run again. If he does, he should be the number one target.

    Instead of just doing primary challenges, this would be a perfect chance for the blogosphere to field a candidate of their own for a winnable seat.

  24. 24.

    El Cid

    An innovative GOTV effort in Spain.

    Spanish politicians have criticised a video by the Young Socialists in Catalonia in which a woman simulates an orgasm while casting her vote.
    __
    Both Socialist and opposition politicians have attacked the campaign video.
    __
    The equality minister called it “misleading” advertising.
    __
    In the video the young woman gets increasingly excited as she votes for the Socialist Party in this month’s regional elections in Catalonia.
    __
    It concludes with the phrase, “Voting is a pleasure”, after she puts her voting slip in the ballot box.

  26. 26.

    ruemara

    Have to admit, I am loving your use of classic paintings-AND NOT THE SAME DAMN ONES-to illustrate your posts. This one is spot on, horrifying, titillating and lovely, all at the same time. Yes, I loves me some Delacroix

    Also, too, fuck republicans. If I could hold my tongue and fake being one, I’d probably be a nationally known commentator. Ain’t no money worth diving into that slime pit.

  30. 30.

    Roger Moore

    @cleter:
    No. There will be no teabaggers by the time the 2012 election rolls around. The whole tea party meme will have run its course, and there will be a new astroturf group filling the same niche.

  33. 33.

    Maody

    @beltane: they aren’t that creative
    @Linda Featheringill: well, maybe… always one of my favorites.

    I proclaim myself the BJ NewBie With The Useless & Very Old Art Degree Who Can Find Good Art On The Internets

    If one can’t make money with such, at least one can entertain.

  35. 35.

    Dennis SGMM

    @Maody:
    Try a four-decade-old Lit degree. Imagine my surprise when I found that I could, and did, make more money as a machinist.

  38. 38.

    Dennis SGMM

    @Maody:
    Heh! Having such degrees means that we can appreciate our circumscribed existences in ways that those without same can not. Rather than saying to myself “This sucks!” I can instead say to myself “Ineluctable modality of the visible.”

    It makes a huge difference.

  39. 39.

    fucen tarmal

    this maybe a little bit off topic, but do you think the model delacroix used, asked her male companion, “does this oil painting make my ass look big?’ and is my ass crack really that hairy?

  41. 41.

    Chris

    As usual, Republicans take a portion of government, break it, accuse it of not working, and voters reward them for being properly cynical, instead of naively hopeful like those dumb Democrats who actually think there should be rules and that they should applied with a semblance of logic or fairness.

    Government doesn’t work when one party is intent on sabotaging it at every possible chance – and the other party (A) refuses to bust them for it, and (B) openly helps them half the time.

  46. 46.

    flounder

    If Democrats don’t relentlessly attack Ensign for being a corrupt philanderer that has to rely on his mommy and daddy to buy people off for him in 2012 (after they encourage Democrats to switch to Republican for the primary and make sure he doesn’t get Lowdened), then the party is more f-ed up than the FEC.

  47. 47.

    J. Michael Neal

    This specific event isn’t a case of IOKIYAR, though the overall situation is. The FEC is equal opportunity ineffective. It’s hamstrung by it’s procedural rules and partisan spats. Don’t ever expect usefulness from it.

    @Mike Kay (Hippie Hunter):

    . Ensign is dumb enough to run again.

    Not only is he running, recent polling shows him way ahead of potential challengers.

  50. 50.

    RosiesDad

    Not to worry. The Senate Ethics Committee will hold a hearing, they’ll find Ensign guilty of 13 of 15 charges and then they’ll slap his wrist. Because that’s how they do on Capitol Hill.

  51. 51.

    RosiesDad

    @flounder:

    If Democrats don’t relentlessly attack Ensign for being a corrupt philanderer that has to rely on his mommy and daddy to buy people off for him in 2012 (after they encourage Democrats to switch to Republican for the primary and make sure he doesn’t get Lowdened), then the party is more f-ed up than the FEC.

    Yeah, maybe they can get Charlie Rangel to spearhead the effort.

  52. 52.

    piratedan

    what bothers me the most is that he gets elected into office on the high and mighty platform. Based on his superior ethics and morals, a good honest C-Streeter. Then he screws over his own office by diddling the help, paying off the cuckold with family funds no less. Has the help of his morally rightous Rev. Coburn to broker the deal to handle the payoff and folks are willing to forgive him this and not impeach him on ethics charges and still hold Slick Willie (who was a horndog and everyone knew it) more accountable. While I’m not in favor of politicians catting around as a general principal, I tend to hold those guys that set themselves up to a higher standard for ethics and morals because that’s how they roll. When they prove to be the moral weaklings to the flesh that they are, how is it that they get off the hook so easily? If that was one of the primary considerations for you holding office (since that is what you ran on) how in the hell do you get a pass on that crap in the mainstream media?

  53. 53.

    Fleas correct the era

    his parents say they were so moved by their love of their son’s object of desire that they it was just a joy to hand her and her family nearly 100 big ones.

    I’d appreciate it if someone would let Mommy and Daddy Ensign know I’m pretty loveable myself, on a good day.

    Well, let’s say, for the best hour of a good day.

    Well, likeable, anyway.

  54. 54.

    Richard Shindledecker

    We need a new filing category here: like ‘I fuckt your wife so you won’t have to’.
    Thanks Tom!

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