Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“In the name of Zandar, I will fight the Stupid!”

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

RIP Zandar. We are still here fighting the stupid, now in your honor.

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Bark louder, little dog.

I was confident that someone would point it out and thought why not me.

The new republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

Meanwhile over at truth Social, the former president is busy confessing to crimes.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

I’m more Christian than these people and I’m an atheist.

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

Israel, don’t be dumb like we were in the US after 9/11!

Accountability, motherfuckers.

No Justins, No Peace

‘Museums aren’t America’s attic for its racist shit.’

“Cheese and Kraken paired together for the appetizer trial.”

No one could have predicted…

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

You are here: Home / Hack 30

Hack 30

by | 126 Comments

This post is in: 

In the inimitable words of Dick Nixon, Alex Pareene at Salon is getting down to the nut-cutting. The latest, MoDo, is #8 in his list of top 30 hacks. George Will (#11) is in the rear view mirror, as is Peggy Noonan (#10).

Unfortunately, the addition of Laura Ingraham (#9) makes me think that the remaining seven might be obvious picks like Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity. I think a real “hack” has to have some Villager cred, which Ingraham does not.

Reader Interactions

126Comments

  1. 1.

    PeakVT

    Bobo Brooks would be higher on that list if Pareene was using a more narrow definition of hack (as in paid shill). Some of the people above him seem to really believe what they write. Brooks is too slick to be writing unconciously.

  3. 3.

    An Uncivil (but decent) Duck

    The series is a little too cool for school for my tastes, but I am unable to muster any sympathy for its victims, as they have all earned the criticism honestly (by which I mean dishonestly).

  6. 6.

    Ash Can

    Nevertheless, media vermin like Ingraham richly deserve to be called out, and Pareene is doing it well.

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    the remaining seven might be obvious picks like Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity

    I think Pareene agrees with you and won’t include them, at least judging by his dismissive comments about that ilk in his George Will entry. I’m waiting to see Krauthammer and Broder right up there near the top.

  9. 9.

    ChrisB

    Salon has earned its page views with this series. Very entertaining.

    My favorite so far: two of the comments on the #8 ranking of Maureen Dowd, one of which said that the commenter reads Maureen Dowd, loves Maureen Dowd, and Alex Pareene, you’re no Maureen Dowd, and the other which said, in response to the observation that MoDo castigated Hillary Clinton for being an emasculating, ball-breaking, hysterical harpy who played the victim card to get ahead:

    “I get what you;re trying to say here, but fairness compels me to point out that during the primaries in ’08, Hillary Clinton was, in fact, an emasculating, ball-breaking, hysterical harpy who played the victim card to get ahead.

    Other than this, your criticism was spot on.”

    http://www.salon.com/news/war_room_hack_thirty/index.html?story=/politics/war_room/2010/11/24/hack_list_8

    Perfect, both the criticism and the response. And sorry for the inelegant link.

  10. 10.

    ChrisB

    @SiubhanDuinne: I am with you. I consider Krauthammer to be the biggest hack in Washington but it would be fun if Broder took the #1 slot.

    For a moment I worried that Broder might not make the list but if David Ignatius is on it, then Broder will have to be too.

  12. 12.

    geg6

    The Will takedown is my favorite so far, no question. It was a thing of great beauty and I’m still getting a little thrill down my spine just thinking about it.

    This has kept me entertained and laughing for the entire week. Pareene has done a great job, even if I quibble with his choices and rankings.

    If Broder isn’t in the top 3 (preferably at #1), I will be very much let down.

  13. 13.

    Alex S.

    I would also be very disappointed if this list ended with someone like Michelle Malkin at the top. That’s just too easy. The better list would be the one that exposes the hackery of your every-day-media for all to see – maybe Balloon-Juice should make such a list. David Broder with his 50 years of corporate conservatism disguised as concerned centrism has done much more damage to the media as a whole than an obvious idiot like Andrew Breitbart.

  16. 16.

    El Cid

    I agree that if you’ve got people like Maureen Dowd or David Brooks on the list as “hacks,” you’d have to invent entirely new terms to cover the utter spewing robot propagandists like Hannity.

    I shit you not — I once saw him reverse his own point mid-sentence when his prestigious right wing guest indicated disagreement. It was a masterpiece.

  18. 18.

    Fuck! A Duck

    geg6: Agree. I want to see Broder dragged through the streets by his heels (metaphorically speaking, of course).

  19. 19.

    Cacti

    @geg6:

    The Will takedown is my favorite so far, no question. It was a thing of great beauty and I’m still getting a little thrill down my spine just thinking about it.

    George Will is living proof that if you wear a bow tie and glasses, people will mistakenly assume you have something intelligent to say.

  21. 21.

    El Tiburon

    I think a real “hack” has to have some Villager cred, which Ingraham does not.

    Agreed. It goes without saying that if younarenin the Fox News Payroll, younger by definition a hack.

    Like if you play for the Steelers you are a thug and a felon. It goes without saying.

  23. 23.

    JGabriel

    mistermix:

    The latest, MoDo, is #8 in his list of top 30 hacks. George Will (#11) is in the rear view mirror, as is Peggy Noonan (#10).

    MoDo is a hack, no doubt, but there’s no way she’s worse or more evil than Noonan or Will. Especially Will.

    MoDo should have been somewhere down in the twenties or high teens. She may have the sexual politics of a Reader’s Digest junior editor circa 1958, but at least she’s not a global warming denialist.

    Will should have been in the top ten, minimum. Probably top five, though I admit the competition gets pretty intense up there.

    .

  25. 25.

    me

    Jonah Goldberg is 7. Seems a good spot, dumb enough to be in the top 10 but not influential enough to be in the top 5.

  26. 26.

    Comrade Javamanphil

    A pretty good take down of Goldberg but to completely ignore his pattern of “I know nothing about this subject and have a deadline but let me spout some BS I can later plausibly deny” is a major omission. Frankly, calling Goldberg a college freshman is an insult to everyone that’s ever had a stoner conversation at 3am on a dorm room floor.

  27. 27.

    JGabriel

    Cacti:

    George Will is living proof that if you wear a bow tie and glasses, people will mistakenly assume you have something intelligent to say you’re selling popcorn.

    Today’s college students, and most people in their 20’s & 30’s, live in a world where there has ALWAYS been an Orville Redenbacher.

    .

  30. 30.

    arguingwithsignposts

    Goldblurgh:

    While he is the National Review’s second-dumbest contributor, he is that publication’s finest example of how far a name — unattached to anything resembling an intellect — can take you in the parallel conservative press.

    Is this a tell that K-Lo will be higher in the rankings?

  31. 31.

    Fuck! A Duck

    mistermix: Fair enough, although would argue that any ranking list is a little ‘mean girls’, no matter what.

    OTOH, I will cop to reading all of the entries, but, hey, it beats actually working.

  32. 32.

    NonyNony

    @Comrade Javamanphil:

    Breaking: Dough Bob Loadpants in at #7

    from the link:

    While he is the National Review’s second-dumbest contributor…

    Who’s the dumbest then?

    ETA: arguingwithsignposts suggests K-Lo. Huh. In a dumb-off I would definitely rank Goldberg as dumber than K-Lo. My understanding is that K-Lo is where she is because she actually did some modicum of work to get there. Goldberg is where he is because mommy’s connections got him a job. That gives K-Lo some level of cunning that Goldberg has never shown.

  35. 35.

    timb

    I disagree about Ingraham. Weigel long ago said she gives morning marching orders to the right wing activists in Washington every weekday morning. I thought, though, his criticism didn’t touch her pettiness and nihilistic sarcasm. She is a terrible human being

  40. 40.

    Thom of the Nord

    It’s a really fun read.
    My prediction:
    #2 Friedman
    #1 Broder

    Although it could go either way. Broder’s a bigger monster, but Friedman is more irritating.
    Fun!
    (until you remember what an impact these idiots actually have on our lives.)

  41. 41.

    geg6

    @cleek:

    Undoubtedly, he has to be referencing Lowry here. Mr. Starbursts will never be forgotten in the history books for that very column. At the very least, I intend to make sure it is never forgotten. Funniest goddam thing I ever read.

    I’m quite liking the Jonah post at #7. Not quite the perfection that was the Will post, but still pretty good. I also liked the “laudanum and red wine” line in the Nooners post. I will be stealing that.

  42. 42.

    Poopyman

    Wassup with the Salon page? With Thiessen at #6, numbers 8 & 9 have disappeared.

    ETA: Oh, never mind. They’re just out of order. Poetic justice in that.

  43. 43.

    Hawes

    Seeing my ole high school classmate as #6 is somewhat surprising. Thiessen was an idiot then and he’s an idiot now. But as Parrene points out, he’s a morally bankrupt idiot.

    Loathsome as he is, it seems that he’s overranked, simply because I can’t believe anybody reads his paint by numbers columns and takes anything away from them. Including die-hard conservatives.

    I suppose that’s the essence of hackery, but it seems a low degree of difficulty.

  46. 46.

    geg6

    @Hawes:

    David Broder has been writing the same column for the last 30 years or so and I know no one but bloggers and Sunday show commentators who read it or who would take anything valuable away from his sentiments. If that isn’t hackery, I don’t know what is.

  47. 47.

    Alex S.

    Apart from Broder/Friedman/Halperin, I’d like to see Scott Rasmussen there. I wonder if Erick Erickson, with his CNN-“credentials” is included.

  49. 49.

    Villago Delenda Est

    Now that Helen Thomas has left, I can think of only one person still left in the Village worth evacuating before we launch the nukes and solve the problem permanently: Eugene Robinson.

    OT: The modified Stormwind is absolutely amazing. Incredible job there. Almost makes up for nerfing the living snot out of my ‘lock and warrior.

  51. 51.

    Hal

    Having read and agreed with a couple of columns of Dowd’s in 08, I found myself a little conflicted as to why she was so high up, but then I read the opening paragraph, which just solidified why she’s been so vile to me lately.

    Oh, MoDo. Maybe there are still people who thrill to her dated pop culture references and tiresome “wicked” nicknames for politicians. Maybe somewhere there’s a reader who still finds it illuminating to examine elections as battles between effeminate girly Democrats and straight-shooting Republican cavemen. Maybe someone’s glad that the most prominent female political columnist in the nation tends to consider every powerful female politician a castrating bitch.

    And also this reminder:

    Dowd played an important part in the character assassination of Al Gore, and she still has a hot key for the phrase “earth tones,” for use whenever she needs to round out a column on the essential femininity of some Democratic pol.

  53. 53.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @arguingwithsignposts: The redesign at Salon a while back was an unmitigated disaster. Not that they seem to recognize this.

    That blazing banner at the top in clashing reds is enough to give anyone a headache (and appeared virtually simultaneously with the same design at CNN’s Web site, bizarrely– look at the two together, or better yet put them side by side on browser tabs and click back and forth to see how nearly identical, and hideously ugly, they are) and the heading font with kerning/tracking set to squish all of the letters together is the ugliest thing I think I’ve ever seen.

    That and the “continue reading” expansion links and all the rest of it, a complete mess.

    On the other hand Camille Paglia never reappeared after they hinted that she would be back this fall, so at least I can stomach reading it now for Greenwald and Tom Tommorrow fixes without the chance of stumbling on some idiocy of hers.

    I agree that the Hack piece in particular really underscores how bad their format is, it’s been a complete jumble. Good article idea though, I like the way the blogosphere is full of people debating the finer points of what the word hack means to angels dancing on the head of a pin level of arcana.

  56. 56.

    Culture of Truth

    Been reading the list – entertaining. Could Fred Hiatt qualify? That would be a strong finish.

  60. 60.

    Poopyman

    @geg6: Ow! That was sweet! I saw a couple of sentences quoted somewhere, but the whole thing is much better. Extra double-plus good final sentence, too.

  62. 62.

    Quiddity

    Pareene can be very amusing at times (he was good reporting the recent election). I am a little surprised to see Ingraham included in the Hack 30 because she is a thoroughly unpleasant character who convinces nobody to change their mind, or even think about a topic with any depth.

  66. 66.

    Comrade Javamanphil

    @Culture of Truth: I’m really torn about Halperin. No question he is the hackiest of hacks but awarding him anything for writing is akin to awarding the Nobel in Literature to the writers of the Top Ten lists on Letterman. I think a minimum amount of substance, as defined by word count, must be produced to qualify.

  67. 67.

    suzanne

    I haven’t read any of this series yet, but, oh man, I’m excited to get to it. (I’m doubleplusunrich this holiday season, so I’m knitting a lot.) Has McMegan made the list yet?

  69. 69.

    liberty60

    @Cacti:

    George Will is living proof that if you wear a bow tie and glasses, people will mistakenly assume you have something intelligent to say.

    I think Tucker Carlson took that advice.

  70. 70.

    ThatLeftTurnInABQ

     

    In the inimitable words of Dick Nixon, Alex Pareene at Salon is getting down to the nut-cutting
    …
    I think a real “hack” has to have some Villager cred

    Funny you should quote Tricky Dick in the lead sentence, because this Hack 30 profile has the potential to be the DC Villager social event of the season, in the same way that Nixon’s enemies list was when it came out (I remember Art Buchwald complaining that nobody invited him to parties after the enemies list came out and he didn’t make the cut). If you don’t make the Hack 30, you are officially a nobody in DC.

    Now that we officially have a nomenklatura, what other features of the old Soviet Union are we going to openly, frankly and without shame or embarrassment embrace next? I hope that none of the dear readers of this blog live next to an ill-kept nuclear power plant.

  75. 75.

    wasabi gasp

    What a wonderful cast of characters for a dystopian disaster flick.

    They waited impatiently at their tables for minutes only to find that the chicken was cold. There were no survivors.

  77. 77.

    pk

    The entire list is pretty much all white and almost all men. The white male will ultimately destroy the world.

  78. 78.

    Poopyman

    @pk: Well, we’ve been at it for a couple of millenia, but so far we’ve managed to continuously fuck up the fucking up.

  81. 81.

    catclub

    I think there is still a chance for a big FU to the left by putting Krugthulu on the list for bipartisanship.

  83. 83.

    suzanne

    @morzer: If Sully makes number one, I’ll be disappointed. I mean, he sucks donkey balls, but not THAT hard.

    It would have been funny if they’d done this bracket-style.

  89. 89.

    morzer

    What fraction of a Friedman unit will it take for the Pornstache of Infinite Wisdom to demand an apology for damage to his professional standing by being ranked so low?

  92. 92.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    I’m betting on Megan and her calculator for the one and two spots.

    Or maybe the one hundred and two hundred spots, or one and two million, whatever.

  93. 93.

    Quiddity

    @Jay in Oregon: Don’t miss today’s excellent Friedman column where he writes that “we need to enlist both the U.S.G. and the P.T.A. “. Get it? A pair of three-letter initials?

    He argues, very sensibly, that if our assembly-line workers all had PhDs, then we’d be able to out-hustle Malaysia.

    However, to my great surprise, he did not use the word “innovation” in the essay. That’s Tom’s cure-all for most everything. In fact, in 2005 he championed the “innovative” economy of Ireland. It sure was!

  96. 96.

    eric

    @Jay in Oregon: this is not a surprise. My cabbie on the way to work this morning informed me that in his home country of Sudan, Friedman is considered a third-rate hack; hence the number 3 rating.

  97. 97.

    Poopyman

    I do have to congratulate Pareene on selecting a picture that perfectly represents why TF made the Big 3.

  100. 100.

    Citizen_X

    @wasabi gasp:

    What a wonderful cast of characters for a dystopian disaster flick.

    Maybe Poseidon 2011? “THIS TIME IT’S POLITICAL”

    I nominate K-Lo for the Shelly Winters role.

  101. 101.

    Nellcote

    Politico should share the #1 spot. Being hacks is their mission statement! Well that and getting Drudge links, but I repeat myself.

  102. 102.

    Quiddity

    For those longing for some wisdom from Cokie and Steve Roberts, they wrote this in May 2007: (link dead now)

    In today’s dynamic global economy, change has to be embraced, not rejected. That’s why Democratic leaders cannot afford to listen to the labor movement as the country approaches a major debate over trade policy.
    As ardent free traders, we have long been skeptical of including labor and environmental rules in trade deals.
    [a] point that labor leaders never mention: their members, like all American consumers, can buy more goods more cheaply, from sweaters to softballs, when they are made abroad.
    .. do trade deals “sell out American workers”? Absolutely not. But there are losers as well as winners …
    … those losers, and their labor bosses, should not be allowed to dictate trade policy.

    Cheaper softballs!

  105. 105.

    Citizen_X

    In his takedown of The Mustache, Pareene, while discussing Friedman’s open desire for a Chinese-style dictatorship here, pretty much comes up with the epitaph for the entire rotten lot:

    This is the secret wish of nearly every “moderate” pundit on this list

    Not much I can add to that.

  113. 113.

    MattR

    Love this quote from the Halperin entry

    All we at the War Room Hack Thirty ask for is a little accountability. At the very least, Halperin’s TV chyron should read, “ALWAYS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING.”

  114. 114.

    jake the snake

    Where is Dickie Cohen? Talk about someone being robbed.
    Or is being America’s concern troll not hackish enough.
    I would certain vote Ingraham off the island and replace her with Cohen.

  116. 116.

    Triassic Sands

    My head would explode if I had to rank this group.

    In the end, I think I’d be left with groupings of four or five people all “tied at # ….”

    The idea that anyone is more hacktacular than Halperin is enough to make the Earth stop spinning on its axis. But, I don’t see Krauthammer’s name anywhere, and the only thing harder to believe than Halperin not being number 1 is Krauthammer not ranking in the Top 30.

    One thing that Krauthammer has that some on the list don’t is his absolute loathsomeness as a human being. A lot of the names are just people who suck, really suck, at their jobs (or, depending on one’s point of view are doing exactly what they were hired to do), but some — Kristol, Peretz, Krauthammer, e.g. — are just horrible, horrible people.

  120. 120.

    Triassic Sands

    And the winner (?) is …. Richard Cohen.

    Kind of a letdown, but it’s hard to argue with the complete worthlessness of Cohen. He is the hack’s hack.

    Poor Chuckie Krauthammer — shut out of the Top 30. Who’da thunk it?

  123. 123.

    Triassic Sands

    @jake the snake:

    Cohen belongs on the list, but not at number 1.

    I don’t know, Jake, I suppose it depends on your criteria. For loathsomeness, Krauthammer beats Cohen (and most other honorees) hands down. But for pure, unadulterated worthlessness, I’d say Cohen is a defensible choice.

    When I looked at the list (2-30) I was struck by the absence of Krauthammer, but never thought of Cohen. And that may be instructive. Cohen is so bad, you don’t even think about him.

    I quit reading him years ago. I’ve seen a few of his recent columns (past 2-3 years) via links, and in every case I was astounded by the mindlessness of what I read. Cohen is a sleeper candidate, but not undeserving. And he’s a splendid example of that tough lefty who is so fearless he isn’t shy about criticizing his own — except his criticisms are invariably total nonsense and simply serve to pollute our discourse even more.

    I say, Congratulations, Richard Cohen, you really, really suck.

  124. 124.

    Nancy B.

    So many worthy contenders, so few places for them. Myself, I was disappointed legacy hire Luke Russert didn’t place, even if he would have only ended up around 27 or 28. But, there’s always next year, so double up on the hackery & your hustle won’t go unrewarded.

  125. 125.

    ChrisB

    So, think they’ll be discussing the list on Morning Joe on Monday? After all, most of the non-Fox honorees are regulars on the show.

    I will say this about the winner, though: you can’t find a more hacktacular statement than his representative quote:

    “First, let me state my credentials: I am a funny guy. This is well known in certain circles, which is why, even back in elementary school, I was sometimes asked by the teacher to “say something funny” — as if the deed could be done on demand. This, anyway, is my standing for stating that Stephen Colbert was not funny at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner.”

    Classic picture of Friedman at #3, by the way.

  126. 126.

    Hovercraft Full of Eels

    Calling Richard Cohen “a worthless sack of excrement” is really unfair to sacks, excrement, and the concept of “worth,” all of which have some sort of actual purpose in the world.

    In a truly just universe, Cohen’s life, and the lives of the other 29 douchetard hacks on this list, would consist exclusively of them getting punched in the face, every single minute of every hour of every day, over and over again. With maybe an occasional kick to the ‘nads, just for variety.

Comments are closed.