Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

If you’re looking for someone who’s young and athletic, go watch a fucking movie.

Quote tweet friends, screenshot enemies.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

The willow is too close to the house.

I desperately hope that, yet again, I am wrong.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

I am pretty sure Katy Tur wasn’t always such a bootlicking sycophant.

Republicans would impeach Biden if he bit into a whole Kit Kat rather than breaking the sections apart.

The arc of the moral universe doesn’t bend itself. it’s up to us.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

Second rate reporter says what?

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

…and a burning sense of injustice to juice the soul.

Bark louder, little dog.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

If marriage is the equivalent of selling yourself into slavery, women with self respect should reject the offer.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

The Supreme Court is corrupt. Democrats must win in November and force court reform.

You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Food / Because We All Love Our Friends And Family…But Not Always: An Emergency Thanksgiving Anaesthesia Guide/Open Thread

Because We All Love Our Friends And Family…But Not Always: An Emergency Thanksgiving Anaesthesia Guide/Open Thread

by | 94 Comments

This post is in: ,

It is a truth universally acknowledged that sometime today, many among us in possession of a full bellies will be in need of powerful psychic analgesics to counter the effects of overdoses of loved, liked, and despised ones.*

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I’ve been lucky on this score.  My late, and genuinely much loved Uncle Dan and his wife, the indomitable Aunt Helen, introduced me to a key Thanksgiving tradition designed to meet this need many years ago —  back around my freshman year in college (aka, just before we gave up our clay tablets and styli for some less stable word processors).

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That would be the revelation that it was 5 p.m. somewhere no matter how resolutely the clock told us it was 11 a.m. wherever we happened to be.

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The drink of choice there was one form or another of daiquiri, and I recall (sort of, in a not-to-testify-under-oath kind of haze)  Thanksgiving  started before noon with the boiled shrimp and the drinks  (strawberry, peach, and lime being the favorites — and what can I say…we were young then) and the day just kind of oozed from there until we reached total turkey and red wine suspended animation.

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So, in honor of that great man and in support of a practice that has served many of us, (I’d guess), here are some of the drugs of choice being considered around this household right now.

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1.  (As noted in a prior thread) pomegranate cosmopolitans.

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I was just introduced to this drink at a dinner party at the home of a noted brain-and-cog researcher.  I woke up more cog than brain after two iterations of 4 parts lemon vodka, 4 parts good (aka, not Trader Joe’s) pomegranate juice, 2 parts Cointreau, and 1 part lime juice.

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2.  This one entered my life — rather as Grabthar’s hammer handles its business — just this last Tuesday, when MIT’s science writing grad students held a first-ever cocktail party for their faculty (begging for comment here, which I will not supply), featuring the alcholic stylings of the award winning Louisville bartender Jeromy Edwards.  Let me simply say that his cider Manhattan is way too complicated to attempt after one’s first drink, but is worth the effort if you have a designated boozemaster on hand.  Here’s the recipe (which won a bourbon company’s national Manhattan competition:

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2 oz. good bourbon
¾ oz. cider reduction (I’d guess on tasting that the cider was simmered down to about half its original volume.)
½ oz. Antica Vermouth
Dash Angostura bitters
Grand Marnier flambéed cherry (preferably Rainier).

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Here Jeromy took about an ounce of Grand Marnier and essentially cooked the cherry in it for about thirty seconds or so, in the martini glass.

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Take the first four ingredients, pour them over ice in a cocktail shaker, swirl the shaker until the mix is cooled, and then pour the lot over the Grand Marnier and the cherry.  Repeat with extreme caution.

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3.  Finally, y’all know I think a lot about World War I, with all the sorrow engendered in those years, and so much of the woe to come seeded there as well.  One minor unintended positive outcome of all that, though, was what I think of as the golden age of cocktail invention of the ‘teens and ‘twentie.

Some years ago, at the 11 Madison Park restaurant in New York, I encountered a drink from that era that is still just about my favorite mallet to the skull.  As a bonus, it connects directly with its historical context.

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That would be the French 75 — which honors one of the most innovative and widely used artillery pieces employed by the French army and the American Expeditionary Force as well throughout the 14-18 affair.  Its liquid form debuted  in 1915 at the legendary Harry’s New York Bar in Paris, where it was billed as the way to experience what it was like to be on the receiving end of a cannonade from the real thing.

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It is deceptively simple, though the proportions vary slightly among the authorities.  Basically, take two ounces of good gin, 1/2 to one ounce of lemon juice, 1 teaspoon powdered sugar, and chill.  Pour the mixture into a flute or a narrow highball glass, top up with champagne.

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Drink. Reel.  Repeat.  (One of the most prized characteristics of the artillery piece was its rapid rate of fire.  Emulate at your own risk.)

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OK — I’m done.  I’d consider it a kindness if y’all would treat this as an open thread — with a special invitation for the F**k You Up drinks that have served you well over the years.

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*Please take as read the necessary apology for yet another ruination of that greatest of all first lines.

Images:  Currier and Ives, “Come! Take A Drink,” 1868

and, (again, predictably)

Éduoard Manet, “A Bar in the Folies-Bergère,” 1881-2

Reader Interactions

94Comments

  1. 1.

    Punchy

    I’ll be thankful if none of my relatives blame “turkey” for making them tired, Seinfeld be dammed. It has nothing to do with trytophan, and everything to do with the high glycemic content of a typical T-day feast. And probably wine/beer, too.

    /rant off

    Happy Tom Brady Can Suck It Day!

  5. 5.

    Mnemosyne

    I’m hoping to take my niece and nephew to see the new Disney movie after dinner so I can avoid watching any more football than necessary, so not much drinking for me.

  6. 6.

    JAHILL10

    A drink introduced to me by a kind/brilliant bartender at the the old Maxwell’s restaurant in Memphis, Tennessee is called the Quaalude. And it lives up to it’s name, believe me:

    1 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
    1 oz Grand Marnier
    1 oz. of vodka

  7. 7.

    Martha

    Wow the French 75 sounds incredibly wonderful and positively lethal. Wonder if my sister-in-law has champagne or if I need to make a stop on my way over there… :)

  9. 9.

    pdf

    I don’t drink, but if you feel like laughter is a good relief from annoying relatives, you could check out a couple of my favorite W.C. Fields clips (along with some stuff from ultimate card manipulator Ricky Jay, and William Burroughs’ “Thanksgiving Prayer”) over here…

  11. 11.

    licensed to kill time

    By Grabthar’s hammer, by the suns of Warvan, your hangover shall be revenged!

    Happy Thanksgiving to all and sundry Balloon Juicers. I give thanks for this site, it has kept me sane lo these many years.

  12. 12.

    Ruckus

    After all these years I can admit it, I’m a simple man. I’ve tried a lot of cocktails, some tasted pretty good, some just got busy whacking you upside the head with a hammer. Martinis were OK but a pg(plain gin) worked and tasted about the same. If you drink good tequila you don’t need margarita mix to cut the edge. What I’m trying to say is straight whiskey, good tequila, even gin tastes just fine. After all, I’m trying to take the edge or all the edges off the day, not go into a diabetic coma.
    Of course ymmv, and just like steak and potatoes makes a good meal, you don’t want it every day. So enjoy!

  13. 13.

    Menzies

    I just roll with the red and white wine.

    Last year, in fact, a cousin fed me white wine until I was well and properly intoxicated and proceeded to argue with me for a good couple hours (with a second on his side) about whether the greatest attack the United States faced was the secular siege on the divinity of Jesus.

    Yeah, that’s right. I argued church and state separation while drunk. Best moment of that Thanksgiving, bar none.

    Happy Thanksgiving/Turkey Day to you all. May you have a wonderful meal and a wonderful day with your families, your friends, or whoever you choose to host.

  15. 15.

    scav

    Alas, all I have produced to this instant are two simple sugar syrups (Eucalyptus and a mixed spice one situated half-way between stuffing and pumpkin pie) and a massive amount of African ginger beer concentrate. The alcohol is unfortunately at the other abode and I still have 20 minutes to wait. My planning isn’t always of the best.

  20. 20.

    Mnemosyne

    G’s mom just called but she had to hang up almost immediately because the smoke alarm is going off and they can’t figure out why.

    This is why we live 1,800 miles away and don’t fly back for Thanksgiving.

  21. 21.

    scav

    oh, and asiangrrlMN? Don’t know what your grandma’s secret ingredient in Black Chicken Soup is, but I’m liking a good splat of black bean garlic sauce in mine, never omit the wolfberries, bit of sesame oil, ginger and garlic and whatever stick-like bits I feel like that day. I’m very very happy and I don’t think my qi and liver have ever been in better shape. Good thing my liver is in shape for what I’ve got planned actually.

  24. 24.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Svensker: Yes! With Brady looking stunned afterwards.

    It’s tied right now with the Lions marching. Go, Lions!

    Phyllis and licensed to kill time, you may not know this, but I LOVE me some Alan Rickman (yes, that’s a joke). To my surprise, though, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie as well.

    @scav: I was wondering how that turned out! I am happy to know it was so tasty and that you feel good. Yum. Sounds wonderful.

  26. 26.

    kvenlander

    That French 75 recipe has me eyeing my Hendrick’s bottle droolingly. I love gin with lemon or lime. Have to make a champagne run… (words I never expected to type).

  27. 27.

    SectarianSofa

    This is the only occasion (and holiday) where I really wish my family were drinkers. (I mean, the singular glass of wine with the meal is really just cruel in this respect.)

  28. 28.

    SectarianSofa

    @Jack:

    Wow, been a while since I had one of those. And I’m even in Austin for thanksgiving. Shame about my liver…. I raise my water glass to good times past and future.

  30. 30.

    geg6

    When my sister lived in FL, I visited once for Thanksgiving. I usually stick with a good red for the holiday meal, but it has never seemed right to drink a red when the weather is hot (as it was that year). She kept making pitchers of melon balls and, though sweet drinks aren’t my thing, they fit the Florida atmosphere. I won’t discuss what happened with one of the many Pittsburgh transplants that she always invited, but suffice it to say that melon balls can really loosen you up in sufficient quantities. 2-3 shots of good vodka (I like Grey Goose), a shot of Midori melon liquour, and a shot of OJ. Shake and pour over ice. Ah, the golden days of my youth.

  31. 31.

    stickler

    Ruckus:

    Martinis were OK but a pg(plain gin) worked and tasted about the same.

    If the Martini tastes like plain gin, then as the kids say “ur doin it wrong.” A good Martini has to have some vermouth in it. Then it’s the perfect way to shave some edges off your day.

  32. 32.

    Phyllis

    @geg6: I’m in SC, where it’s 77 as we speak. We have a white Lambrusco and a Prosecco chilling for our dinner. Wish I’d thought of the melon balls though. Well, there’s always tomorrow and leftovers. Woo hoo.

  33. 33.

    anticontrarian

    Caribbean Christmas (invented by Seattle bartender Dallas Taylor)

    1.5 oz Gosling’s Black Seal Rum
    .5 oz simple syrup
    juice of half a lime
    1-2 oz fresh ginger
    cinnamon

    Chop the ginger into thin slices. In a cocktail shaker, muddle the ginger with the limes. Add Gosling’s and simple syrup and a pinch of cinnamon. Shake briefly but vigorously. Strain into a lo-ball glass over fresh ice. Garnish with another pinch of cinnamon.

    Not only is it delicious, but the ginger aids in digestion, a relatively important factor on a day like today.

    Also, there’s always Fernet Branca.

  34. 34.

    Doug

    I became aware of this drink, one quiet evening at the bar in the BW-3 in Bloomington, IN circa 1995-96 when a random traveler came into the bar with a recipe on a tattered scrap of napkin and asked the bartender to make it. An off duty bartender I was drinking next to at the bar, was interested, and asked for one too. Having gotten his approval, I decided to give it a go. Delicious, and knocks you on your ass.

    Baltimore Zoo:

    1 shot vodka
    1 shot light rum
    1 shot gin
    1 shot triple sec
    1 shot Southern Comfort® peach liqueur
    1 shot amaretto almond liqueur
    1 shot grenadine syrup
    1 dash sweet and sour mix
    1 splash beer

  36. 36.

    Palolo lolo

    usually some of Maui’s finest green herb to enhance the mostly sunny and 78 weather in Honolulu ! Happy Thanksgiving from the Aloha state

  38. 38.

    gbear

    @stuckinred:

    Sometimes being sober around here is lonesome.

    Yes. On the other hand, it’s cloudy and 12 with sub-zero wind chills in St. Paul, MN. I am crabby.

  39. 39.

    Ruckus

    @stickler:
    Not arguing, just not my cup of tea so to speak. And I actually used to make a great martini or so I’ve been told. Was the family gathering bartender before I was legally old enough to drink. Maybe why I don’t care that much for mixed drinks.

  40. 40.

    Yutsano

    Sigh. Another booze thread. I barely drink soda as it is, and then I’m confronted with things like this. I’mma gonna go bake cookies and run to the store, not necessarily in that order.

  43. 43.

    licensed to kill time

    Currants, somehow your link got mashed up into the reply button.

    But if thou hast not seen Galaxy Quest, go forth and seek it out, yeah verily shalt thou watch it! even upon this Day of Thanks.

    Well, maybe tomorrow. It’s a fun movie.

  45. 45.

    asiangrrlMN

    @jwb: Is broken for realz.

    Damn the Patriots. Go, Saints.

    @gbear: LOVE the weather! Makes me smile.

    @jeffreyw: Save me a plate!

    Yutsy, we are also talking about teh hawtness of Alan Rickman (at least, I am. But not in this movie). Oh, and COOKIES!

    license to kill time, I wasn’t sure people understood the depth of my lust admiration for him.

  47. 47.

    MikeJ

    @Yutsano: I baked an apple pie last night. I predict it will be tasty, but it doesn’t look like Martha Stewart made it. I say it looks “rustic.”

  51. 51.

    Yutsano

    @MikeJ: Martha Stewart has an army of bakers and food stylists that ensure that her food looks perfect. I’d take rustic over perfect any day.

  54. 54.

    licensed to kill time

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I can see why you might not think Rickman is teh hawt in Galaxy Quest, since he spends the whole movie with a piece of wrinkly rubber glued upon his head. He’s a good sport :)

  57. 57.

    asiangrrlMN

    @licensed to kill time: Heh. Yeah. I do love the way he pokes himself, though. “I was an actor!! I did Shakespeare!”

    @stuckinred: Aw, sucky on staying inside. Those fish look KILLER.

    @Yutsano: Agreed. Rustic is teh best. Perfection is boring.

    Is it bad of me that I want the Saints to crush the Cowboys in the first quarter and never let up? I don’t care. I do.

  58. 58.

    Lysana

    Just for the record, I’m quite pleased the Patriots won. Every good season they have makes up for the years I loved them when they stunk up Schaefer Stadium.

    And I need no anaesthetic to get past today, but I might imbibe anyway. It’s a mellow kind of day.

  59. 59.

    licensed to kill time

    @stuckinred: Gawd, so many good lines in that movie.

    Loach: What happened to your nose, Gittes? Somebody slammed a bedroom window on it?
    Jake Gittes: Nope. Your wife got excited. She crossed her legs a little too quick. You understand what I mean, pal?

  60. 60.

    Lysana

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Is it bad of me that I want the Saints to crush the Cowboys in the first quarter and never let up? I don’t care. I do.

    Oh, please, it’d be awesomesauce. I know the Cowboys stink this year, but good gods, it’s their turn. Let ’em stew in it.

  65. 65.

    Yutsano

    @stuckinred: Sweet! Not edible, but sweet!

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Is it bad of me that I want the Saints to crush the Cowboys in the first quarter and never let up? I don’t care. I do.

    I consider this a natural and normal reaction to the situation. Jerry Jones isn’t quite Steinbrenner owner bad, but he’s getting there.

    @stuckinred:

    Kitna is the worst kind of asshole evangelical.

    And he’s from Washington. Sigh. We haz nuts along with our fruits up here as well.

  66. 66.

    stuckinred

    @Lysana: I was lucky, he hit on my 12ft surf rod so I had a chance. It was nuts because, as you can see, it was hooked in the wing and not the mouth. That picture was taken by a BP contractor on tar ball patrol.

  67. 67.

    asiangrrlMN

    @stuckinred: Beautiful! You caught and released him, I hope?

    ETA: Weird. I have no problems with grilling up those gorgeous fish, but I worry about the poor ray.

    @Yutsano: True. Very true. Go, Saints! (And I want to see the dazed look on Aikman’s face when it’s bazillion to three at the end of the game).

  68. 68.

    stuckinred

    @asiangrrlMN: The ray, yea. I was not interested in getting too close. Actually the top hook was broken when I landed him and the other one snapped as we dragged him up to set him free. The snapper, grouper, trigger, amberina are frozen. Snapper season ended last Sunday so the mate on the boat yesterday fried up a bunch while we fished. “It says you can’t keep em, not that you can’t eat them”!

  69. 69.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I have no problems with grilling up those gorgeous fish, but I worry about the poor ray.

    Fish iz fud, rays are just gawjuss. Plus they’re mostly inedible.

  71. 71.

    Liberty60

    Apropos of nothing, just one day after being awarded the title of #4 hack in America, David Broder is out with a column declaring that the true meaning of Lisa Murkowski’s win in Alaska is….wait for it…
    Americans are demanding bipartisanship in solving our problems!

  74. 74.

    Yutsano

    @Liberty60: He’s like Old Faithful isn’t he? I wonder if he even possesses the mental faculties to actually write anything new or creative any more. I bet his interns just recycle shit from past years and ship it off to the editors.

  77. 77.

    asiangrrlMN

    @Liberty60: New drinking game! Read a Broder column and drink every time he writes bipartisanship or implies it.

    @jurassicpork: It’s broken–that’s why. And Cole is probably passed out from too much eating/drinking.

    @stuckinred: Those are simply gorgeous. That’s good eating!

    And, I am a bit disconcerted in that I agree with Aikman about something–as long as the coach is right in his challenges, he should continue to get one more.

  79. 79.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN:

    New drinking game! Read a Broder column and drink every time he writes bipartisanship or implies it.

    You’d be sauced by the last word. But at least it would make the writing more tolerable.

    And, I am a bit disconcerted in that I agree with Aikman about something—as long as the coach is right in his challenges, he should continue to get one more.

    Stopped Clock Principle. ‘Nuff said.

  80. 80.

    Martin

    I need a nap. Been cooking since 9 or so. Pies are done. Cranberry sauce is made. Turkey is out there on the rotisserie (looks great so far, we’ll see how it tastes). Round 2 starts in half an hour – potatoes, potatoes, stuffing #2, veggies, veggies, gravy, rolls.

    Hope everyone is having a thankful day and has their eatin’ pants on.

  82. 82.

    Yutsano

    @Martin:

    Hope everyone is having a thankful day and has their eatin’ pants on.

    This may be TMI, but I’m naked right now.

    And since the weather is too cranky for travel, I’m stuffing a baby chicken and making cookie bars. And it’ll be just me and the kitten. And to be honest, I’m kinda liking it like this.

  83. 83.

    Yutsano

    And now WordPress is eating comments. FYWP.

    Off to the store, BBL. Hopefully the Cowboys continue their suckitude.

  86. 86.

    Citizen_X

    @Jack: I will affirm that the Mexican Martinis at Trudy’s in Austin are dee-lish, and potentially lethal. I heartily recommend them. The French 75 sounds good, too.

    What’s with all the TBDS*, anyway? I mean, yee-zeus, y’all are relying on fucking Detroit to supply your vengeance?? Come on!

    *Tom Brady yadda yadda

  87. 87.

    Joseph Nobles

    I’m not going to spoil the mood of the current open thread by posting this there. Sarah Palin posted a Thanksgiving message on her Facebook page. Not going to link, you can find it.

    It was titled A Thanksgiving Message to Our 57 States.

    That’s right. Sarah Palin attacked President Obama’s paltry few verbal gaffes to excuse her North Korea gaffe…. on Thanksgiving Day. Yes, I know she doesn’t write a tenth of that stuff, but she damn well approves it.

    So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful that Sarah Palin’s 14th minute has at long last begun.

  89. 89.

    Ross Hershberger

    Back home from 6 hours of driving in the rain and snow. Totally worth it.

    Nobody drinks at our family gatherings except my cousin, who somehow smuggled in a small glass of what I’ll guess was a pretty bad cranberry wine. He has 4 kids and is only 40 so I guess he’s entitled.

    I don’t think it would occur to anyone else to want any alcohol at grandma’s. I saw her with a beer once in 88 or 89 and she seemed to know what to do with it but for the other 50 years of our acquaintance, dry.

    Stopped at Dad’s on the way home & my wife set him up on Facebook. He’s a traveler and an avid photographer. His trip collections were getting too big to email so we talked him into putting them in FB photo albums.

    Gonna have some leftover stuffing and green bean casserole for – what meal is this? I’ve lost track – then hit the sack.

    Oh, and my 70 year old step mother is crawling around the house on her knees now. Broke her foot yesterday and doesn’t like the crutches. If it was anyone else I’d have pix but she’s too good natured to rib that way.

  90. 90.

    Svensker

    @Citizen_X:

    What’s with all the TBDS*, anyway? I mean, yee-zeus, y’all are relying on fucking Detroit to supply your vengeance??

    If Detroit could bring it, we’d take it. Hell, I can hope Boston Transit takes him out, KWIM?

  91. 91.

    Jeff

    Had one glass of wine at dinner. Closeted brother, spinster sister, really cool 80 year old Mom. (Mom and I make fun of them privately.) My partner of 36 years Duffy had to work.
    Home now, Gin+ice. I like to keep it simple.

  92. 92.

    ET

    Tom are you and yours from N’awlins or spent any time there?

    Boiled shrimp, daiquiris, any cocktail with Grand Marnier?

  93. 93.

    Jado

    If’n y’all wanna get soused, this recipe does it for me. It even makes 2 gallons, so you can share the pain with all your (soon to be ex) friends

    FISH HOUSE PUNCH

    1 quart lemon juice (about 4 dozen lemons, squeezed)
    1 ½ lb sugar
    1 pint curacao, tangerine brandy or orange flavored liquor
    1 pint dark rum
    1 pint Benedictine
    1 quart peach brandy
    1 gallon bourbon
    1 pint strong cold tea.

    Strain the lemon juice of pulp, or the results will be too sour & bitter. Combine all of this together in a jug with a loose fitting lid. Leave this in a cool dark place for 3 weeks. Every day, give it a good shake to stir up the sugar and the tea sediment.

    If you use Blue Curacao, the blue will react with the yellow lemon juice and turn the entire thing bright screaming antifreeze green. I recommend it for the holidays.

    I recommend 3 weeks only. Apparently, the acid from the lemon juice and the tea does something to the sugar over time, making the concoction more and more powerful over time. 3 weeks is perfect; 5 weeks is lighter fluid, and longer is nitroglycerin.

    Serve this in a giant punch bowl over a giant block of ice. When it is ice cold, it tastes like strange lemonade, with maybe a hint of whiskey. When it is warm, it smells like the most powerful alcohol you have ever smelled, and it tastes like hydrochloric acid.

    Serve it cold. Serve it as cold as you can. Serve it from the freezer. If you let your guests smell it while it is warm, their survival instincts will take over and no one will drink it.

    But is is so awesome. It’s total fall down juice. THIS will let you choke down your mother-in-law’s arid turkey and lumpy raw gravy. Hell, this will let you eat the cardboard pizza box from the pizza you order after your mother-in-law’s arid turkey.

  94. 94.

    Ruckus

    @Jado: Wins the thread for what sounds like the best antidote for bad family. The only problem is that it seems like you’d have to spend the next 3-4 days there sobering up so you could drive home. Or they’d have to do the same at your place.

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