Everyone’s been talking about this idiocy from the Daily Caller but it really is funny (via Amanda Hess):
If a Constitutional right to privacy that guarantees access to abortionists can be summoned from thin air, certainly the prohibition against involuntary servitude should prevent unwilling heterosexual men from providing beefcake parades without their informed consent, at least penumbrally.
[….]my solution would get the distaff part of our homosexual population off our collective ‘Broke Back,’ thus giving straight male GIs a fair shot at converting lesbians and bringing them into the mainstream.
A few months ago, a journalist I know told me that the Carlsonington Post would soon be on a par with TalkingPointMemo. To his credit, he doesn’t think that anymore.
cmorenc
The quoted passage is truly one of the all-time most colossally stupid non-sequiturs in history, and considering that the likes of Mark Halprin and Tucker Carlson are always around as a yardstick for comparison says something. Even Jonah Goldberg would have trouble coming up with something this idiotic, even on a bad day for him.
Michael
Dude appears to like the idea of rape, I think.
Cat Lady
Apparently there is nothing that won’t be taken seriously by a wingnut with a chip on their shoulder. Tucker needs to put that bow tie back on. It will keep his foreskin from creeping back up over his head.
MattF
…and the requirement to convert lesbians is right there in the Constitution. Too.
Kryptik
Good griefing god. What the hell shit is that, that’s so markedly offensive that I can’t believe anyone would’ve posted that, forget actually tack their name onto it.
Tara the antisocial social worker
Hess missed the best part (via Something the Dog Said at dkos):
If it was actually possible to convert sexual orientations, just being within a mile of Mr. Rehansky would convert all straight women into lesbians.
The Ithacan
It’s not supposed to make sense.
They are muttering among themselves and we just overheard them.
I used to work for a carpenter who muttered like this. All day long there was a barely audible diatribe. “Mrmpf blem BLACK drem feum COMMUNIST….”
We ignored him.
GregB
I have come to the conclusion that a vast number of conservative men are obsessed with thinking about cock.
It really is their great past time.
Once a conservative pal of mine made a comment out of the blue about the oft speculated in right wing media rumor about the shape or bend of Bill Clinton’s noodle.
I said in response: For an allegedly heterosexual male you think about another guys penis quite frequently.
Followed by an awkward silence and a quick topic change on his part.
Direct hit.
mistermix
I’m just waiting for that shitpile to go broke. JMM is a pretty good businessman and has been very conservative about expanding TPM. Tucker just talked some rich dude into giving him a bunch of money, and that money has to run out one of these days.
Allan
The Daily Caller endorses corrective rape.
Cat Lady
Oh, and by the way, going forward all references to Tucker Carlson should be to Hack #30, to Cohen should be Hack #1 and so on. Let’s use Alex Pareene’s awesome opus to pound ’em with their own hackitude.
guster
Sometimes I think that the answer to everything is: “Because arrested development.”
If you imagine this guy being, say, thirteen years old, it makes much more sense.
Okay, maybe eleven.
The Ithacan
@mistermix that’s OPM (Other People’s Money) I have a feeling that, when he runs out, Tucker will know where to find more. Free markets!
Linda Featheringill
Bad writing.
But more frightening is the faulty thinking.
Perhaps the author thinks that his ass is gold and everybody wants a piece of it. I haven’t seen him, but I suspect that he is safe.
Montysano
On a normal holiday weekend, I destroy plenty enough brain cells. DougJ is making it worse.
Citizen_X
@Tara the antisocial social worker: Anyone else get the feeling that “Mace, police whistles, Lady Smith .38s, or domestic violence hotlines” describes a lot of thsi guy’s interaction with women?
arguingwithsignposts
WTF, DougJ? That journalist needs his head examined. There was *no way* the Carlsington Post would ever be on par with TPM, much less the Huffingcarlson Post. First movers advantage is a pretty high hurdle.
Hal
The only thing standing between a hot, muscled and dripping wet marine and an oversexed homo (who’s just waiting to pounce) is DADT. Once that law is repealed, Army barracks will look like a 70’s Bath House; though without Bette Midler singing and Barry Manilow accompanying her on the piano.
But close enough.
Ash Can
I checked the link and saw that the author of this, uh, article is a former serviceman. The dude needs to get checked out for PTSD and other brain damage, yo. I’m serious.
Linda Featheringill
@Citizen_X:
LOL. But all joking aside, it might be true. I don’t possess any of those at the moment but if I had to be around that jerk, I might stock up.
Barb (formerly Gex)
So they are ceding the right to abortions then? Cool.
Brachiator
The opinion piece is too incoherent to be offensive. You can cherry pick for the sake of outrage, but nearly every paragraph is studded with idiocy. There is, for example, this random idiocy:
I suspect that the guy’s Internet filter is stuck on the ghey. This probably also explains his absurd speculation that gay males would be too busy having sex with each other to serve effectively. That this goofball would go on to say equally wretched stuff about gay women should come as no surprise.
I suppose if anything would offend me, it would be the implication that no gay person would really want to serve his or her country, and that the supposed few who do are inherently miserable while serving.
Svensker
Um, wut?
Can anyone explain what this is supposed to mean? At least penumbrally?
Joey Maloney
@Svensker: Can anyone explain what this is supposed to mean? At least penumbrally?
“I’m not hiding my homosexual urges nearly as well as I think I am”?
Hal
@Svensker
He’s basically saying that Gay soldiers will gawk and stare at their fellow Soldiers going about their normal duties either openly, or secretly. Like spying on someone who leaves the curtains open a crack. He’s basically saying that one way or another, all those hot menz will be fodder for prying gay eyes.
Michael
@Citizen_X:
You act as if getting aroused over the sound of unrolling duct tape and the scent of chloroform is a bad thing.
He’s managed with great success to convert the pit in his basement into a first notch love den, just by putting in some red mood lighting and using subdued colors for his scream-muffling soundproofing material.
Svensker
@Hal:
OK. Jeez. I got so distracted, penumbrally speaking, that I just couldn’t make it scan.
Wonder why conservative men are so focused on gayness?
Jay in Oregon
@Cat Lady:
Hey! Give Tucker Carlson some credit; he’s number 22 on the list.
Jay in Oregon
@Svensker:
I think “at least penumbrally” is about to join “also, too” in the pantheon of BJ memes.
Paris
The headline at F*cker Daily is “Tea Party targets big business that lobbies for Obama agenda”
That’ll keep them busy just looking for one.
Frank
@Svensker:
What he means is that our big, tough fighting men will wither like modest little girls at the thought of some dude checking out their weeners.
asiangrrlMN
You know, I read a bit of this when General Stuck posted it last night. I can’t laugh. It just makes me tired and worn out. Such sad, pathetic fucks. And, let’s not tell him about bisexuals. His head may ‘asplode. Oh wait, let’s tell him then! (I did not read the whole thing so forgive me if I missed his fucked-up attitude towards bis).
Emma
There is a large number of conservative males who seem to spend most of their time obsessing about gay men. I had a strange encounter with one during the first season of Torchwood. He’s a sci-fi geek and a family friend and I got along with him great on that basis. We loved talking about the show. And then came Cyberwoman and it was all “OMG, Jack kissed Ianto” ALL THE TIME. I finally said “listen, both (one gay cousin) and (another gay cousin) watch this show and they don’t talk about that this much. What is the problem?”
I had to wash my brain with lye at the end of the conversation. And we don’t talk much anymore.
Mark S.
From the comments at the Hess article, this guy was fired several months ago as a magistrate judge for “highly inappropriate comments” to female inmates during bond hearings.
Oh, and Joe “defends” himself in the comment section of his post. Is this some elaborate put-on that is funny only to Tucker and Jim Treacher?
TKOEd
*Dave Chappelle voice*
Some people say cucumbers taste better than pickles!
SiubhanDuinne
@Allan:
“Corrective rape.” Wow. Chilling, but oh-so-accurate.
SiubhanDuinne
@Allan: @SiubhanDuinne:
I have now read some of the comments (I couldn’t bear more than a few) on the original story, and I see that the term “corrective rape” was coined in South Africa. Hadn’t heard it before Allan’s comment.
It’s still chilling.
KCinDC
@guster:
Fixed.
mclaren
A little editing, DougJ.
The title of your article is completely messed up. You meant GIVE THIS MAN A KAPLAN COLUMN. Not “Give this a man Kaplan column.” Your as written does sense make not title.
When featured commentators can’t even manage to get their titles straight…folks, it’s time for a little editing oversight.