Some years ago, before the internets, humorist Dave Barry wrote a column about dealing with the humor-impaired. The humor-impaired, he explained, were not the people who greeted Barry’s assertion that Richard M. Nixon was sufficiently immune to contemporary standards of humor that he wore electrified underpants so that his aides could signal him when to laugh at others’ jokes by (a) laughing at Nixon’s defective sense of humor; or (b) complaining that anyone who made fun of Nixon’s underwear was anti-American and probably a pervert, too. The humor-impaired were those individuals who wrote letters to the papers where Barry’s column appeared, explaining that actually Nixon’s aides used hand signals… not to mention those unfortunates who wanted to know where they could buy their own electrified underwear.
Angry Black Lady, in her recent post, pointed out how many of Fox’s readers (not to mention employees) are humor-impaired. In response, commentor Trollhattan alerts us to the upcoming Onion News Network:
Onion News Network – Coming To IFC January 21
__
… Able to seamlessly segue from a grisly death to a cute animal story in the blink of a stunningly beautiful eye, Brooke Alvarez anchors “FactZone” with the help of her eager-to-please co-host Tucker Hope, the recipient of several industry awards for skilled manipulation of his high-tech touch-screen monitor, The Recon Wall 4000. Together they tackle important stories like “Kim Jong Il Shuts Down North Korean Nuclear Program In Exchange For Lead Role In Next Batman Film” and “Supreme Court Repeals Annoying Loudmouth’s First Amendment Rights.”
A ray of hope at the end of the dark holiday tunnel of idiot relatives and co-workers recycling the latest Koch-sucker lies…
(via Mediabistro)
BGinCHI
Countdown until Richard Cohen is “concerned” about the effects this might have on youth/serious news/Western Civilization/his 401K.
burnspbesq
Having a very fun day in Portland. Meanwhile, Australia is starting to dominate England in the first Ashes test, thanks to an epic 180-run stand by Michael Hussey and Brad Haddin.
Cat Lady
Maybe ONN is the antidote to Fox – point and laugh at their idiotic viewers and their cluelessness, 24/7. It could be Stewart without the self conscious ironic shtick. This could work for everyone who’s under the age of 60, and non-Fox-zombified.
@BGinCHI:
All hacks on the Salon list should be referred to by their number. Cohen should henceforth be referred to as Hack #1, in honor of Pareene’s yeoman effort.
sherifffruitfly
The primary prerequisite for the very concept of humor is generally *caring* about the difference between truth and falsity. This background of caring about that difference is what makes being alethically yanked around fun.
republican-minded folks simply don’t care about the difference between truth and falsity. Therefore the typical techniques of humor fail to have their typical outcome with such people. Thus the normal concept of humor simply isn’t available to them. The closest cousin to it that they have is the concept of laughing at people (generally who are in pain of some sort).
And while I’m here, let us all fondly note the best ONN video EVAH:
http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt,14309/
BGinCHI
@Cat Lady: How about Dick Hack1.
But Halperin, as the ultimate Beltway insider, should really be called the Village Idiot.
Cat Lady
@BGinCHI:
In a Village full of idiots, I think it helps to rank them. Think BCS. Since Pareene’s already done the heavy lifting, referring to Hack #2 conveys the epicness of the FAIL. It would be awesome to have the hacks have their names taken away from them and replaced with hack numbers. It’s the ultimate in dissing.
Yutsano
Tacos de pollo. Nom.
Also: GO BRONCS!!
Malovich
Dear god, this is brilliant.
Ruckus
The perfect answer to the TSA crap.
Non Sequitur
Might not work so well in cold weather.
Andy K
One of the first ONN vids, and still my favorite:
Do You Remember Life Before the Segway?
Luthe
@Cat Lady:
Better idea: Google-bomb the hacks. Every time you mention Mark Halperin, link back to his spot on the hack list. Do this with all the others, too.
kdaug
@Luthe:
Brilliant.
I’m not a huge Salon fan, and don’t have any particular interest in driving up their numbers, but let’s not limit this just to Halperin.
Each and every one of the cocksuckers (I’m partial to Broder, Jokeline, Friedman, and Doughy-Pantsload myself) should be linked back to their own impartial, objective, and unbiased bios.
Let the maiming of the fee-fees BEGIN!
burnspbesq
Wow. Australia is just beating the crap out of England. This isn’t cricket, it’s a mugging.
General Stuck
lordy sakes, what’s the world coming to. Arresting Willie Nelson for pot possession is like arresting the Pope for celebrating Vespers.
BGinCHI
@General Stuck: Except the Pope doesn’t get the munchies.
Or does he?
Linkmeister
Whitepages.com sez “There are 6 people with the name Brooke Alvarez in the United States.”
Hmm. An opportunity, perhaps?
“Hello? Onion News Network. May I help you?”
“Yes. My name is Brooke Alvarez. I’m your new anchor.”
“Yes? Whom would you like to speak with, Ms. Alvarez?”
“The director of the News Department, please.”
And so on. Oh, the possibilities!
asiangrrlMN
OK. Just gonna put it out there. I don’t find the Onion funny any more. I half-smiled once while watching this clip. I think all the idiocy of the world has finally worn me down.
RadioOne
@Cat Lady: I don’t get it, why would the Onion be the antidote to Fox? I mean, everyone who already reads the Onion laughs at Fox pretty much 24/7…
I think NPR and all the other news outlets out their offering sane domestic news and comprehensive foreign news are the real antidotes to Fox. They still exist, and they still do their jobs. And they still want to make news.
Allan
That Friedman pic really screams Stop Making That Duckface.
Andy K
@BGinCHI:
Who knew the Body of Christ comes in nacho cheese and cool ranch flavors?
Yutsano
@asiangrrlMN: I never considered the Onion all that amusing ever. I guess it’s just my style of humor, it doesn’t quite mesh with theirs.
BGinCHI
@Andy K: The real guilt comes when he eats the Jalapeno Satan Spice.
And you know the Pope knows the words to Pancho & Lefty.
Uloborus
@RadioOne:
Actually, I think it might. It has to do with the bully mentality. Bullies *hate* to be laughed at. It’s all about power and threat to them, and if they’re being laughed at they’ve lost and no one is afraid of them. In that binary mindset you can only be a winner or a loser, and it makes them feel like a loser. Notice how so many bullying techniques boil down to finding an incredibly thin excuse to laugh at someone.
fucen tarmal
its not a cock ring, its a shock ring!
i take offense at being labelled an unfortunate, you don’t know until you’ve tried.(humor impaired irony intended)
Belvoir
Speaking of hacktastic media, I loved this newsletter from our corporate overlords via ABC News. Apparently very many educated former professionals are competing to become Wal-Mart greeters and such. Amazon had the kindness to provide parking for their fullfillment center in Arkansas so workers can sleep between their ten-hour shifts, for ten bucks an hour.
And this shit is meant to be upbeat, good news! Retailers have their pick of educated professionals who are humiliated into taking these seasonal, temporary jobs. And if they’re very, very good, Like Santa says, they might even still have a way to feed their families in January!
Promises, promises. And ABC has the balls to title this, “Holiday Gift”.
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/black-friday-retail-workers-working-thanksgiving-day/story?id=12251758
gwangung
Dang. Couldn’t the underdog win in the EARLIER games?
But a pretty wild Boise State-Nevada game.
Suffern ACE
@Belvoir: I guess jobs that would pro-rate to 20,000 full time are the new “lucky ducky” jobs. By next Christmas, the fact that the Little Match Girl makes it almost to the end of the story will be seen as a triumph of unrealistic optimism.
MikeJ
@Yutsano: The Onion has great headlines. After that you don’t really need the rest of the joke. When reading it it’s easy enough to skip it, but the video version just seems like it’s wasting my time.
Arclite
Here’s my question:
How does The Onion afford what they do? The production values on their videos is so good: the professional sounding actors, the pitch-perfect stories, the talented writers, the slick graphics, the sets, all that stuff costs money.
The only ads on their site is their own stuff. It seems mathematically unlikely they are self sustaining. I think they have a sponsor, and I think that Glenn Beck was at least partially right: George Soros indeed is trying to take over the world, the world of political satire, that is. HE must be funding The Onion!
Seriously, if anyone can explain to me how The Onion is able to afford to produce what it does, I’d appreciate it as it has been something I’ve been wondering for some years now.
SiubhanDuinne
The co-hosts’ names alone — Brooke Alvarez and Tucker Hope — are sheer perfection. CNN has to be writhing in mortified anticipation.
(Or, I should say, they *would* be, except I’m pretty sure they’re every bit as satire-impaired as Fox and probably don’t appreciate that ONN is directed at them as well.)
Alex S.
@Arclite:
It’s the invisible hand. We have the demand, thus the supply appears magically.
David
Anyone remember this Onion gem:
Bush picks White House counsel for Supreme Court
❛ President Bush nominated White House counsel Harriet Miers on Monday to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. ❜
. . .
David
❛Beck then went on to state that the Chinese “control the world.”
Did Sarah Palin, would-be leader of the United States, disagree with any of this? Nope.
Palin’s verbatim response: “Well, that’s right.”
For Beck’s (and apparently Palin’s*) version of reality to be accurate, of course, these four logical conditions must also be true:❜
. . .
http://www.boingboing.net/2010/11/26/glenn-beck-believes.html
GeorgeSalt
@Belvoir:
About a week or two ago, ABC News with Diane Sawyer ran a piece about some 70-year old guy who used to be an advertising executive but was now working as a Starbucks barista. And this was presented as a feel-good story — his employer offers a healthcare plan! It was really weird. I think the news media is deliberately trying to re-engineer our expectations.
WereBear
I do love the Onion, and it’s the headlines that make it; the articles themselves, while very funny, are often the frosting on the cake.
Sometimes you have to laugh so you don’t cry:
Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’
WyldPirate
@WereBear:
Damn. I just looked that article up to post it.
What is so sad about that article is that it is so prescient because it was published three fucking days before Dubya’s inauguration in 2001.
Talk about satire becoming reality….
From WereBears’s link:
“During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
“You better believe we’re going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration,” said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. “Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?”
On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.”
Jim, Once
@sherifffruitfly:
Thank you. That went to all the IT folk in my family.
gil mann
Guys, seriously, go back and read The Onion’s post-9/11 coverage, then read anything the Times or The Post was doing at the time. Credibility advantage: satire. I still remember one bit almost verbatim–
Point: Invading Iraq will destabilize the Middle East and set off a shockwave of anti-Americanism across the globe
Counterpoint: No it won’t
Cliff
or you impatient types can get ONN now by downloading Miro:
http://www.getmiro.com/
and using this feed:
http://www.miroguide.com/feeds/1838
Miro is totally sweet for keeping track of video RSS feeds like countdown and Maddow and of course the Onion, also hulu stuff as well.