Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Usually wrong but never in doubt

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

In after Baud. Damn.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Bark louder, little dog.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

The republican ‘Pastor’ of the House is an odious authoritarian little creep.

Let’s show the world that autocracy can be defeated.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

Good lord, these people are nuts.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

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72Comments

  6. 6.

    Skepticat

    Long ago, in my married days, my former mother-in-law gave us a sealpoint Siamese kitten, which we named Mouse because of its size and coloring. When it turned out it wasn’t feasible for us to have a pet at that time, we returned him to her. Because she hated the name, which she said was horribly inappropriate for a cat, she renamed him something much better: Yum Yum.

    Yuck.

  8. 8.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I was going to say something about the need for an ombudsman in these parts, but my arthritic thumbs are no match for Ahab and arguingwithsignposts. So I won’t.

    (Full full disclosure: when I was a little girl we had a cat named, with no irony whatsoever, Gay.)

  10. 10.

    debit

    While Luther’s name is actually Luther, he also answers to his many nicknames: Bunny, Bunny Bun Bun, Bunny of the Ganges, and Bunny Bunny Two Shoes.

    @ thread: there is a 4 foot high snow ridge in the middle of the street and I have to go into the office today. I still haven’t figured out how that’s going to happen.

  13. 13.

    CatStaff

    We just adopted a big, gorgeous, swaggering lynxpoint Siamese mix guy from the local shelter. He’s only two years old and had already been adopted and brought back to the shelter three times because of his attitude and penchant for swatting at folks.

    He had been named Kitty Koo.

    We renamed him Jake, and although he’s no one’s lap cat (yet), he appears to be grudgingly grateful.

  15. 15.

    Maody

    we had a cat in Paris named Chupabeanie even after all our friends made fun of us for not knowing about the dreaded chupacabra.

    My late hubby said, “Suck what?”

  16. 16.

    jeffreyw

    Oops! The kick ass pozole may not be suitable for Mrs J, seems I may have gone overboard with the chipotles in adobo sauce. Or those little dried red peppers. I await her testimony before the kitchen court. There is no appeal.

  22. 22.

    Violet

    @debit:
    What exactly is an ‘in house critic’? Is that someone who comes into your house and says, “Your paint colors suck, your window blinds look cheap and you really should re-do the kitchen”?

  23. 23.

    J.W. Hamner

    @Buck:

    Ms. Kitty was also used to address our cat… I guess in less formal situations than when she was climbing the curtains? All due to the fact that my mother couldn’t remember that me and my brother named her Bandit…. so I guess her full name was Ms. Bandit Cat, but nobody knew her well enough to address her by her first name.

  24. 24.

    donnah

    We adopted a yellow lab mix pup from our local shelter and named him Spanky. When he got older, he developed a thyroid problem and our vet said we could use a regular pharmacy to get his prescription filled.

    The vet’s office called it in and when I went to pick up the pills, the pharmacist gave me the strangest look, then hesitantly said, “I just have to ask, did you name your child “SpankyDog”?

    I burst out laughing and told her it was my dog, but I thought it was an awesome name anyway.

  25. 25.

    General Stuck

    Hey, I once named my 150 monster wolf/dog Pooh Bear. And when I got a female Samoyed to keep him company, I name her Winnie. I was smoking a lot of dope in those days, so there is that.

  26. 26.

    azlib

    He had a male cat called Motor Muffin. He always had a very loud purr and we were too lazy to give him a more dignified name.

  28. 28.

    henqiguai

    @JPL (#17):

    Brown’s approval numbers are quite high considering his lack of accomplishments.

    That’s because, contrary to all the blather saying otherwise, Massachusetts is not a liberal bastion of commonsense; it’s a conservative enclave of Democratic voters. And that’s changing slowly, ’cause in an otherwise sane universe, a large portion of Massachusetts politicians would be moderate Republicans. Not Scott Brown; he’s just dim.

  29. 29.

    henqiguai

    And it occurs to me, Mr. Cole, you put this post up just to f*ck wit’ all those who were gettin’ whinny about the FPers responding to each other with new posts. Go on, admit it. It’s Sunday, the confession’ll be good for your soul (or something).

  31. 31.

    Buck

    @J.W. Hamner:

    We had a cat very similar to Ms. Kitty, named Kaylei. She belonged to a good friend of ours who died in a car accident… so we took custody.

    Kaylei was with us for a quite a long time. And when she passed away, the house just seemed so lonesome and quiet. Cleve (my better half) did some research on the ‘net and found a kitty in an animal shelter who was in need of being saved. And I’m glad we did. :-)

    If you are familiar with Simon’s Cat cartoons, then you’ve met Ms. Kitty. They’re so much alike! hehehe

  32. 32.

    Jim Parish

    One of my sisters had some friends who named their black poodle “Black Poodle”. (It was the 1970s….) This was shortened to “B.P.” and eventually to “Beep”.

    Which was fine, until the day the dog got out and they had to wander the streets calling “Beep! Beep!”

  36. 36.

    Steeplejack

    I once dated a woman who took in a stray cat who had started hanging around her house. I said–as a joke!–that she should name it “Tabby Wynette.” And she did. Ugh. Great cat, though.

  37. 37.

    Ross Hershberger

    @Buck:

    Now that’s cute!

    Thx. He’s an adorable dog and is appropriately spoiled.
    We kept the orphan ducklings for about 10 days while they doubled in size. They were handed over to a nature center/bird rescue along with a substantial check for their care. My wife has this thing for rescuing imperiled baby animals. Bunnies, squirrels, snakes, etc. It gets interesting around here. You do not want to share your house with a juvenile black squirrel if you value order in any way.

  38. 38.

    SFAW

    Although, full disclosure, my family once owned a cat named Mr. Purr Puff. He was AWESOME.

    I guess that’s better than having a large dog named Mr. Purr Puff. The therapy bills (for the dog) would be enormous.

  39. 39.

    Brian S (formerly Incertus)

    It’s the “boy named Sue” theory of pet naming.

    Like I said in the other thread, though, my mom named our childhood miniature schnauzer (who I loathed) Baron von Spears. Mr. Kitten Mittens is a vast improvement on that.

  40. 40.

    Anya

    @Cat Lady: What’s wrong with Massachusetts (which holds a special place in my heart because that’s where I was born) but seriously? Scott Brown is a moron and a craven opportunist; so why is he so popular in a state that just went Democratic in all levels? Is it his good looks? I really don’t get it?

  41. 41.

    Ed Drone

    My wife is a knitter, so she found this New Yorker-style cartoon showing a dog, sitting beside its owner, who’s telling a friend about the sweater she’s knitted for the dog (he’s wearing it). The dog is thinking, “I’m getting killed at the dog park this afternoon, for sure!”

    So names aren’t the only thing can get a pet into trouble. There are many other things humans do to them that can have the same effect.

    Ed

  42. 42.

    MAJeff

    @J.W. Hamner:

    We had a cat named Ms. Cat. A fount of creativity our family.

    I had one named Miss Thang. When he moved in with my parents, they renamed him Big Guy. He was very fat and grumpy.

  43. 43.

    suzanne

    I once had a cat I named Nico (the cat by which all cats to follow are or will be measured—just amazing), after the Velvet Underground’s “Femme Fatale”. She had a rough, hoarse meow that reminded me of the human Nico’s voice. Then I found out that “neko” is the Japanese word for… cat.

    Damn it.

    I also had a lovebird that I named “McTweet” when I was eight.

  46. 46.

    SIA

    @whiskey: Cool website.

    @General Stuck:

    I once named my 150 monster wolf/dog Pooh Bear. And when I got a female Samoyed to keep him company, I name her Winnie. I was smoking a lot of dope in those days, so there is that.

    __
    Ha ha!

  47. 47.

    SFAW

    What’s wrong with Massachusetts (which holds a special place in my heart because that’s where I was born) but seriously? Scott Brown is a moron and a craven opportunist; so why is he so popular in a state that just went Democratic in all levels? Is it his good looks? I really don’t get it?

    Assuming your question is serious:
    1) Martha Coakley didn’t bother to campaign. She thought winning the Dem primary was her coronation.
    2) Brown, as is often the case with wingnuts and Teabaggers running in blue states, was, shall we say, less than completely candid and forthcoming regarding his right-side beliefs. If people don’t know that you’re a wingnut, and you try to convince them you’re a centrist, it’s not too hard to fool them.
    3) Massachusetts has had a fairly large streak of redneck in it for a long time. It’s part of the reason they’ve had so many Repub governors since the 1970s.
    4) Pickup truck

    That being said: he’ll probably win in 2012 (or whenever Kennedy’s term would have been up). Unless he does something pretty egregious, which he doesn’t seem to have done yet. But I’ve been wrong before. (No news there.)

  48. 48.

    debit

    @eemom: See, it’s even more funny when you realize I work in an accounting firm. But really, it’s because my first name is Deb and debit was my first nick when I wandered onto the internet back mumblety years ago. I know, it’s too precious, but I’m fond of it anyway.

    Also too, I’m at work. I got out of my driveway and street, but I rather doubt I’m getting back in. This is worrisome.

  51. 51.

    henqiguai

    @SFAW(#46):

    Unless he does something pretty egregious, which he doesn’t seem to have done yet. But I’ve been wrong before. (No news there.)

    Scott Brown’s Senatorial website is fairly sparse; based upon a cursory scan-through, he’s pretty much the empty suit he more or less promised he’d be during his campaign.

  52. 52.

    Lavocat

    My friend’s parents once made the horrible mistake of letting him name their dog.

    He named the dog Hitler.

    Why? Well, my friend had a funny feeling that the dog would be a wanderer, thereby giving him the opportunity to go strolling through the neighborhood yelling “Hitler, where are you?”, “Come’ere, Hitler!”, “Sic’em, Hitler!”, “Good Hitler!”, “Bad Hitler!”, et al.

    The dog lasted about a week or so before it mysteriously disappeared. To this day, my friend’s parents claim not to remember any of these events.

    Yeah, my teenage years were interesting.

  53. 53.

    Curly

    I figure if a dog can overcome having to parade his orchiectomy scar in front of god and everybody, he ought to be able to bear up under a name like “Mittens.” Maybe even “Romney.”

  54. 54.

    Jeff

    @henqiguai:

    Brown’s approval numbers are quite high considering his lack of accomplishments.

    I think Little Scottie Himbo’s numbers are quite high BECAUSE of his lack of accomplishments. Had he succeeded in doing any of the tea-bagger shit they wanted his numbers would be inthe toilet.

  55. 55.

    Zuzu's Petals

    When I was little I named one of our dog’s puppies “Taxi.”

    Years later I finally realized the hilarity of the name…as when its eventual owner went outside to call it.

  56. 56.

    licensed to kill time

    Back in the 70’s I had a friend who named his two dogs Lord and Allah because it amused him so much to call for them out in public. Nowadays it might get you beat up or shot, I guess.

    Or perhaps he might receive a sternly worded letter.

  57. 57.

    SFAW

    Or perhaps he might receive a sternly worded letter.

    I don’t think Harry Reid has the time/inclination to worry about dog names.

  58. 58.

    Zuzu's Petals

    @debit:

    Because we wanted something to read when we visited my aged dad, we got a subscription to Vanity Fair in his Lhasa Apso’s name.

    My dad passed away almost eight years ago, but VF is still sending its mag to Tofu Jones…just can’t seem to get him off their list.

    It was also an easy way to find out who they were selling their list to. Those direct mailers could have only gotten that name from one source.

  59. 59.

    Platonicspoof

    @Curly:
    I don’t feel so single-minded now (and please forgive me, ABL):

    Mr. Kitten Mittens? How is he supposed to go outside and be around other dogs with a name like that?

    It could be worse.

    Seeing “kitten” and “mittens”, I was afraid it was going to be a story about Romney tying a fluffy little kitten to the top of his car for a twelve hour drive.

    “Roof, Roof.”

  61. 61.

    Alison

    Mr Kitten Mittens and Mr Purr Puff are both awesome. It’s the title that really seals it.

    Some years ago, my then-boyfriend and I took in a stray cat who we first thought was female (he was very fluffy and well, we just didn’t want to look that closely) who we named Princess FluffyPaws. When we decided to keep him and took him to the vet to get him checked out, and were informed he was in fact a dude, we changed it to Prince FluffyBoots.

    Eventually that become Mr Bo Jangles once we put a bell on him. Really, it’s all about the title.

  63. 63.

    asiangrrlMN

    Love these animal threads. Love Mittens (my name for Joe the Cocker as he is now dubbed). Love the great animals the BJ commentariat have. That is all.

  68. 68.

    mclaren

    Mr. Kitten Mittens? Wait — you’re talking about presidential candidate Mitt Romney, right?

    Oh… Never mind.

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