Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The willow is too close to the house.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

It looks like winning debates is a black job!

You come for women, you’re gonna get your ass kicked.

Let the trolls come, and then ignore them. that’s the worst thing you can do to a troll.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL.

Glad to see john eastman going through some things.

Republicans firmly believe having an abortion is a very personal, very private decision between a woman and J.D. Vance.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

This really is a full service blog.

with the Kraken taking a plea, the Cheese stands alone.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

… riddled with inexplicable and elementary errors of law and fact

Found liable for massive fraud, is required to post a massive bond, gets a break, then files a *fraudulent* bond!

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Everybody saw this coming.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Dog Blogging / Full Of It

Full Of It

by | 66 Comments

This post is in: 

Rosie has had her sixth walk today, and the fifth in which she has taken a sizable dump.

I swear to God I don’t know what is going on other than some sort of magical alchemy. Maybe phlogiston is latin for “dog shit.”

I know how much goes into the dog on a daily basis, because I measure their food and feed them separately. But what comes out of this dog is three to four times what goes in. It’s amazing, really. I don’t have a Jack Russell Terrier. I have a highly sophisticated shit producing machine. I can not figure it out.

Reader Interactions

66Comments

  1. 1.

    Jay in Oregon

    I have a highly sophisticated shit producing machine.

    I suspect there are any number of conservative think tanks that would make you an offer for her…

  6. 6.

    kdaug

    I suspect you’re missing out on all those “special snacks” in the backyard, and what you’re seeing is ye olde twice-baked poo.

  7. 7.

    mr. whipple

    I have a highly sophisticated shit producing machine. I can not figure it out.

    Rosie orders in after you go to sleep.

    Ah, looks like the Mangina is gonna lose his job. Great Cleveland, back to square 1.

  8. 8.

    Mnemosyne

    @cathyx:

    Same here. In Keaton’s defense, he is the designated bather for all three cats, so he accumulates hairballs very quickly, but still. It helped A LOT when we started giving him food with no wheat gluten in it, so I think he had a wheat sensitivity.

    The late great Boris was also known as “Sir Pukes A Lot,” so Keaton isn’t anywhere near the champion.

  15. 15.

    BC

    That’s a Jack Russell terrier for you – they think the reason they get walks is so they can shit, so they always hold a little back so they can “reward” you each time you take them on a walk. She could have done it all the first time, but, hey, she got six walks out of it!

  19. 19.

    licensed to kill time

    i have a little doggie
    she is my very pal
    i take her walks in West V
    i hope i always shall
    __
    my doggies name is Rosie
    her poop is quite insane
    i scoop it up when we go out
    and then do it again
    __
    no shits like other doggies
    but only when in trim
    but most of all on Sunday
    that’s when i plug her in.
    __
    she runs about the room sometimes
    and sits upon my bed
    and if she’s really happy
    she does it on my head.

    (with apologies to John Lennon :)

  20. 20.

    waldenpond

    Underlying condition…. turned out my dog had a mild systemic infection and ended up on meds for several weeks…. her output is now cut in half. Could be the dog does not tolerate her food, try switching.

  21. 21.

    mai name

    Seriously, its because you are feeding her a high fiber food. In my experience a lot of the so called premium dogs are high protein/high fat/low fiber but I think they end up gaining weight because it’s too rich because us humans are likely to feed them too much. I have a friend who tells me that she feeds her dogs raw meat and they poop less and are healthier. I have no idea if this is true and as a veg I don’t particularly care go having meat in my refrigerator so I don’t see myself doing this.

  22. 22.

    N M

    You should recycle that dog poo using one of those organic waste oil producing reactors like that company in Washington State has.

    But I agree with the other posters, they should move that facility to Washington, DC and hook it up to the Capitol building.

  25. 25.

    RoonieRoo

    @mai name: Our cats and dog are raw fed and it’s true. The amount of poop is dramatically reduced. Commercial food has a lot of ingredients that the animals can’t really utilize/absorb so it just goes through, if you know what I mean.

  29. 29.

    Josie

    I love this blog. How many places can produce so many comments in such a short time about dog poop and still remain funny?

  31. 31.

    bemused

    This is a true story. My daughter was tasked with feeding her roommate/landlord’s cat for several weeks while he traveled abroad. He wanted her to strictly measure the cat’s food, which she did. But the cat grew and grew while the roommate was gone. Then, a couple of days before the roommate returned, she was cleaning the pantry and moved the kibble bag which was standing on the floor. Giant hole.

    Btw, someone else posts here as bemused, I noticed. I claim seniority.

  34. 34.

    DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective

    “I have a highly sophisticated shit producing machine”

    Without a doubt, the best straight line I have ever seen in 17 years of doing the intertubes (Usenet, anyone?).

    And I am walking away from it.

    ( steps away backward )

  35. 35.

    Anne Laurie

    Sounds like something in her daily meals that Rosie’s not digesting properly… check the ingredients list on the dog-food bag. Assuming you don’t rely on a brightly-colored, HFCS-infused ‘kibbles n bits’ equivalent (the canine equivalent of letting a kid live on Lucky Charms), the most likely culprit is corn (second to ‘chicken byproducts’ in a lot of so-called ‘premium’ dog foods). Which is “not a problem” for most dogs, but Rosie may be among those special canines.

  36. 36.

    JPL

    @Anne Laurie: Good advice. I’m taking care of a 5 pound pup..She has yet to poo in the house but piddles everywhere. When I show her and correct her, she yawns. My other mutt runs when she notices the piddle because she doesn’t want to get blamed but this dog just yawns when corrected.

  37. 37.

    Pongo

    Same issue with my Jack Russell. Dog can eat 1 cup of food in a day and poop 8-10 times, with a total output volume that appears double to his intake. We’ve changed food multiple times, but the impressive sh*t production continues. Somehow the Jack Russell metabolism must hold the key to sustainable energy, if we can only decode how in the world they manage to create product from thin air.

  45. 45.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    (I can’t believe I’m about to science-geek dog poop)
    (What the fuck am I talking about? I’ll science-geek anything, if I have the science.)

    Keep in mind that what you’re also seeing is liquid content. If you feed dry food, and it has fiber, it’s *supposed* to swell up with water, and there should be plenty of water to use to help improve the volume unless she’s dehydrated. And, technically, there’s more than just food waste in feces; the intestines regenerate a lot, so you’re seeing shedding of dead cells as well.

    Presumably, if you dried, and weighed, the fecal matter, you’d find it was less than the food, on a weekly-or-so basis. Which is not to say that the quantity can’t be pretty impressive regardless.

    While we’re on the subject, just remember that one should never remove the fecal matter of the famous foo bird if one is unfortunate enough to be the recipient of a deposit; let it dry until it falls off on its own. In the presence of the normal amounts of water in the feces, it creates such a terrible reaction on the skin beneath it that, if the skin is re-exposed to air before the feces has dried, it can be instantly fatal.

    This is why you always hear that, if the foo shits, wear it.

  46. 46.

    marcopolo

    As the owner of two dogs currently and with a couple of decades experience it strikes me that Rosie 1) has a food source that you are not aware of (so how is that litter box looking anyways) or 2 is eating food that she is not entirely digesting (add water to rice and see how much the volume changes). If you want to go full dog foodie, by all means put them on a raw diet otherwise you can try a superpremium food like Origen (which according to the producers is put together to more resemble a wild canine diet with lots of meat, a few berries and veggies, and no grains). It isn’t cheap but after switching my 13 year old to it the gas production went way down (older dogs tend to have greater gas issues cause their digestive systems don’t work as well), the energy level went up (not sure you want that from Rosie but it could happen), and the size of the BMs decreased.

    Good luck.

  47. 47.

    Bruuuuce

    It ain’t poop. It’s fertilizer. Time to hook up with the local farmers, before Monsanto moves in and has her taken by the gummint :-)

  48. 48.

    YellowJournalism

    With dogs and children, I often wonder how something so small (depending on the dog, of course) can produce something so much. Funny enough, your first reaction is to think, “Holy shit!”

  50. 50.

    Mike G

    It’s the FSM version of the miracle of the loaves and fishes, but in reverse. You get enough poop for 5000.

  53. 53.

    Luthe

    New motto time, methinks.

    Balloon Juice: Come for the hippie-punching, stay for the dog shit!

    ::has been working very hard to stifle her giggles in the computer lab::

  54. 54.

    Epicurus

    My inexpert diagnosis is that your dog has somehow consumed an inordinately large quantity of food which has (as it will) been converted into fecal waste. Reason #468 as to why I don’t keep animals. But more power to you, sir! Also, too, looks as though the Stillers are going down. Sorry.

  55. 55.

    Steaming Pile

    @RoonieRoo: And you also have to consider the volume of water the pooch consumes along with what I assume is dry dog food. Then the quantity of dog shit make a lot more sense.

  56. 56.

    Sko Hayes

    The most entertaining thread I’ve read all day.
    Like other commenters suggested, you need to look at the dog food you’re feeding, specifically at the ingredient list. The first ingredient should not be any kind of grain, chicken by-product meal, or “meat” by-product.
    Better dog food is more expensive because of the better digestibility of the ingredients, thus less waste is produced.
    Having two labs in a fenced in yard, one always looks for ways to reduce waste.

  57. 57.

    The Ghost of Sir Francis Bacon

    I hereby command you to commence a rigorous study of all materials entering and leaving this infernal machine. By correlating weights and volumes of all inflows and outflows, you can determine whether this blasted contraption is merely adding volume or, in fact, creating mass out of nothing. Do it for Science, man!

  59. 59.

    RoonieRoo

    @Steaming Pile: That is true. Our animals probably get more of their water intake from the raw food than the water bowl. That definitely does account for some of the solid waste production and the increase in the other. Haha.

  61. 61.

    Tim F.

    @JPL: Use a squirt bottle with tap water in it. My doberman basically doesn’t care about physical correction, but he hates the squirt bottle. He will stop on a dime and run if necessary if he thinks I might squirt him. I think he finds it undignified.

  62. 62.

    moe99

    Coprophagia. The technical term for eating shit. Dogs like cat poop because cat food is higher in protein than dog food and cats do not process it efficiently, so there are still lots of ‘nutrients’ in their poop. Found this out when I couldn’t get my then cocker spaniel, Sally Puddles Muttons, to stop eating from the litter box. Solution: put the litter box up off the ground.

  63. 63.

    bemused senior

    @bemused: Other bemused, I post rarely since adopting an RSS reader, but Google shows me comments of mine from 2008. I didn’t look for earlier ones. I see from googling that you comment frequently, so henceforth I will comment here as bemused senior.

  64. 64.

    charyl

    John,

    My JRT can poop two or THREE times in one potty run — usually when I’m outside visiting with a neighbor and he has time to stand around and think about it.

    They’re pooping machines.

  65. 65.

    Lirpa

    John, you really ought to try the Drs. Foster and Smith dog foods. Great nutrition, real meats as the first ingredients, and they are magic on the poop. Somehow the dog’s digestion is able to use most all of the kibble eaten and the poops are much smaller and almost always nice and firm. It is no more expensive than other high quality food and it has changed my yard clean up completely.

    Odd to be so enthusiastic about good poop but it sounds like you’d appreciate it!

  66. 66.

    karen marie

    @cathyx: Mineral oil.

    That’s the best thing to give a cat who vomits hair balls.

    My cat drinks it out of a dish, but some cats don’t like it. It’s easy enough to get it in them though — jack their jaws open and pour a measured teaspoon or two down their throat.

    The mineral oil pulls the hair through the stomach, intestine and out the poop shoot. Vegetable oil is not recommended because it is absorbed by the intestine causing the hair to accumulate there instead of higher up where it can be vomited out.

    You can give your cat a dose on a regular basis or only when they start making hacking noises.

    Mineral oil is a much cheaper alternative to, and the main ingredient in, hair ball remedies sold wherever you shop.

Comments are closed.