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I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

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It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

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That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

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Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Black Jesus loves a paper trail.

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Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

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Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Friday they will take Him to a place called Calvary

Friday they will take Him to a place called Calvary

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The Commander Guy finds a damn good Red State post:

He led without a mandate. He taught without a script. His common sense parables filled people with promise and compassion, His words forever inspiring.

[….]

The liberal court found Him guilty of false offences and sentenced Him to death, all because He changed the hearts and minds of men with an army of 12.

His death reset the clock of time.

Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative.

This is good, but there’s one thing this guy really missed, in the second sentence. Can you guess what it is?

He should have said “taught without a *teleprompter*”.

Reader Interactions

207Comments

  1. 1.

    Yutsano

    Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative.

    Umm…at what point are we allowed to point out he was actually the original DFH?

  2. 2.

    Tara the antisocial social worker

    And he didn’t go around giving out that soshulist health care! You had to have insurance for him to heal you!

  3. 3.

    General Stuck

    He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps. And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

    Did Joe the Plumber die?

  4. 4.

    Nutella

    So I guess they’re dropping the conventional iconography where JC is shown with long hair, beard, long gown, and sandals? And no mention of throwing the money changers out of the temple, either.

  7. 7.

    Sharl

    __

    …there’s one thing this guy really missed, in the second sentence. Can you guess what it is?

    Uh, no mention of (absence of) a teleprompter?

  8. 8.

    asiangrrlMN

    Wait, so he’s talking about Jesus? Really? Jesus who rather spend time with the prostitutes and lepers than with the Philistines? Jesus who talked about how it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to get into heaven? Jesus who preached to turn the other cheek? THAT Jesus? I think the author of the article is deeply confused.

  14. 14.

    General Stuck

    He couldn’t have done it without the Mary Magdalena blowjobs. Just sayin’

    If I’m going to hell for saying this, just put me the room next to Dick Cheney/ I want to have a word.

  15. 15.

    Uloborus

    I still find the ‘liberal’ court part the most peculiar here. If you take the story as true and at face value, Jesus was brought to trial by the most conservative elements of the Hebrew culture. That is, the most rule-bound arch-religionists who wanted to conserve the status quo.

    I… no. This whole thing is so flagrantly Conservative Movement it makes my eyes cross. Absolutely and utterly ignore the facts and claim with a straight face that they say exactly the opposite of what they do. He gave poor people free food using divine powers and that apparently means he’d disapprove of food stamps?

  16. 16.

    scav

    They still haven’t managed to clearly make the critical distinction between the whole leader of an army of 12 and community organizer — although they’re possibly onto something with the implicit equivalence of the apostles and the A-team (a band of non-homo brothers — no, not those kids of brothers either, sheesh).

  17. 17.

    daveNYC

    He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps.

    I’m glad to see that the conservative alternative to ACA and Food Stamps is the son of God solving everything with miracles.

  22. 22.

    gnomedad

    He was not read any Miranda Rights.

    I thought that was a good thing.

    Anyway, put this thing in an absurdly large font and it’s ready to ship.

  25. 25.

    El Cruzado

    @Uloborus: You forget that “liberal” == “things self-proclaimed conservatives don’t like”

    Therefore if conservatives don’t like the Pharisee court, that means it’s a liberal court.

  26. 26.

    Buck

    He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps. And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

    Man helping his fellow man is no good. Let’s get a fairy tale to fix everything. That’s the ticket!

  27. 27.

    fouro

    When will they dispense with the embarrassing efforts at reconciling fact and wish and just say what they want – a Republic of Gilead?

  28. 28.

    grape_crush

    Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative.

    Does he mean that blue collar Jewish guy that probably dressed a lot like a medieval arab-muslim guy?

  30. 30.

    jwb

    “there’s one thing this guy really missed, in the second sentence.” Personally, I was surprised he went with “compassion” in the third sentence. I suppose that’s a leftover from W, but it seems like modern conservatives think of compassion as one of the primary tools the devil uses to tempt us to stray from His way of lowering taxes for rich people and making sure poor people suffer for their sin of having insufficient funds.

  36. 36.

    j

    The only women he had any recurring contact with (albeit sporadically for one of them) was his mother, and a fag hag.

    Other than that, he only hung around with his small posse of dudes.

    And he was never talked about from the onset of puberty until he was 30.

    GAY??

  37. 37.

    jwb

    @daveNYC: “I’m glad to see that the conservative alternative to ACA and Food Stamps is the son of God solving everything with miracles.”

    I suppose if Jesus released blueprints for His machine that produces bread, fish and wine out of thin air they might have a point. But until then, the church soup kitchens and local food banks really aren’t even close to being sufficient.

  38. 38.

    JGabriel

    Written by Herbert Cain, who describes himself in his Red State profile as follows:

    Herman Cain is a radio talk show host on “The Herman Cain Show,” WSB in Atlanta, GA. He is also a best-selling author, a popular and dynamic speaker, and TV news commentator. He is a nationally recognized business leader, former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, and former Chairman of the National Restaurant Association. Mr. Cain is currently the President and CEO of THE New Voice, Inc., and additionally serves on the Boards of Directors for AGCO Corporation, Hallmark Cards, Inc., and Whirlpool Corporation.

    That’s it. I’m NEVER buying a Whirlpool(tm). And I’m never buying a Hallmark(tm) card again, either.

    .

    .

  42. 42.

    JGabriel

    The liberal court found Him guilty …

    Quick question: The liberals — were they the Judean People’s Front, or the People’s Front of Judea? I never could get their affiliations sorted right.

    .

  44. 44.

    Davis X. Machina

    Ever notice how hard it is to find a good sepulcher-whitening firm these days? It’s as hard as finding a real cobbler. And it’s not like there’s any shortage of sepulchers out there needing whitening.

    This might be a rare growth field, with low barriers to entry, low initial capital requirements, and nearly unlimited upside potential, for our unemployed.

  45. 45.

    scav

    and to think that the early xians were likely thrown to the lions because they threatened national security by refusing to sacrifice to the state gods. . .

  46. 46.

    Snayke

    LOL! This is the best thing I’ve ever read.

    I need that eternal virgin Andy Schlafly to explain how Jesus was the Perfect Conservative.

  47. 47.

    JGabriel

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Jesus who talked about how it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to get into heaven?

    Not a camel. A rope, goddammit! I’m so sick of that fucking mistranslation. I was so relieved when I finally found out it was mistranslated because … why camel? It never made lick of fucking sense.

    .

  48. 48.

    Nicole

    On the top of the Red State page there’s an ad for silver coins depicting “Great moments in Reagan’s life.” If they had one of him with Bonzo, I’d so buy it.

  49. 49.

    Alex Scott

    Let’s see…

    He accused religious leaders of reading their own Law too rigidly.

    He preached–and lived–non-violence, to the point of rebuking a friend who was trying to protect him.

    As said before, he palled around with prostitutes and tax collectors, hung around with working-class joes, and told the rich to give up their wealth before they followed him.

    And the trumped-up charge that got him killed was that he was leading an insurgency against the foreign superpower that occupied his country.

    Oh yeah, just to the right of Genghis Khan, Jesus was.

  50. 50.

    NobodySpecial

    Well, at least I learned one thing from this thread.

    former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza

    This is one of the guys to blame for them folding.

  51. 51.

    JGabriel

    Alex Scott:

    And the trumped-up charge that got him killed was that he was leading an insurgency against the foreign superpower that occupied his country.

    Oh shit, America killed Jesus? When God finds out, he is gonna be SOOOO pissed.

    .

  55. 55.

    Mike G

    He was arrested and taken to jail, and no, He was not read any Miranda Rights. He was arrested for just being who He was and doing nothing wrong. And when they tried Him in court, He never said a mumbling word. He didn’t have a lawyer.

    Here is self-contradictory proof that Jesus wasn’t a Republican — he was subjected to the Republican’s dream for a steel-fist criminal justice system for non-rich, non-privileged, non-Republicans.

  57. 57.

    fasteddie9318

    Al Franken was right; the only actual bit of the New Testament that any of these fucking morons know is the parable of the talents, and they don’t understand what it means.

  58. 58.

    Bnut

    Yikes. Someone better tell Herman Caine not to swim in there, he’ll catch something. Even Haley Barbour knows that.

  59. 59.

    scav

    how do they handle the whole passion of christ, scrounging and all, not being torture but rather a frat boy prank? does that sort of leave everybody’s or at least somebody’s redemption hanging in the balance? is mankind really made whole in the eyes of god after the failure of judgement in the garden by the hazing of his only begotten haploid son?

  60. 60.

    fasteddie9318

    @scav:

    how do they handle the whole passion of christ, scrounging and all, not being torture but rather a frat boy prank?

    You’ve got it all wrong, dude. That stuff is still torture when it happens to a white Christian guy.

  64. 64.

    scav

    @fasteddie9318: Fink, I was so looking forward to relabeling all sorts of stations of the cross and other artworks with the “Hazing of the Haploid” and working out the deep meaningful connections between Passion Week and Rush.

  66. 66.

    jwb

    @freelancer: Yes, there was some peculiar speculation in the comments as to whether this piece was designed to launch Cain’s candidacy. I can’t imagine, but then again little about these sorts of details of conservative politics makes any sense to me.

  67. 67.

    Martin

    @jwb:

    I suppose if Jesus released blueprints for His machine that produces bread, fish and wine out of thin air they might have a point.

    The George Foreman Jesus Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling, Baking, Poaching, and Fermenting Machine

    Just in time for Kwanzaa.

  68. 68.

    FormerSwingVoter

    Okay. I’m not really the religious sort, but I was brought up Catholic (I generally refer to myself as either atheist, agnostic, or lapsed Catholic, depending on my mood and what I think will most piss off whoever I’m talking to). That said:

    What.

    The.

    FUCK.

    Who the fuck are these shitbags to insist that liberals killed Jesus just because they want it to be true? Who the FUCK do these worthless shitstains think they are?

    I shouldn’t get so riled up over the nonsense at RedState, but to claim that those little shits are without the slightest bit of human worth simply doesn’t go far enough.

  69. 69.

    The Dangerman

    “He led without a mandate” is somewhat in disagreement with the position that He came to save the world.

    I’m confused.

  70. 70.

    Zuzu's Petals

    No mention of the fact that this Jesus fella lived off the sweat of hard-workin’ Judeans who didn’t have the luxury of sittin’ around gabbin’ about their Father’s business?

    And no mention of His spirit-filled followers who immediately set up a commune and spread the wealth?

    32And the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul: neither said any of them that ought of the things which he possessed was his own; but they had all things common.

    34 Neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold,

    35 And laid them down at the apostles’ feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.

  71. 71.

    Dr. Squid

    I thought the only government program back then was mass executions. Would that have made crucifixion favored by bleeding heart liberal pantywaists, then?

  72. 72.

    Anne Laurie

    @JGabriel: __

    Not a camel. A rope, goddammit! I’m so sick of that fucking mistranslation. I was so relieved when I finally found out it was mistranslated because … why camel? It never made lick of fucking sense.

    The other standard explanation is that the walled city of Jerusalem (the prosperous gated community part) had, in addition to its giant turnpike-gates, a tiny servant’s entrance just wide enough for a not-too-well-fed human to slip through. (Why open the commercial barricades for every stray peddlar?) This gate, known as the Needle’s Eye, was of course not nearly big enough for a fully-laden camel to access, especially given the balkiness of most camels. The analogy differentiating between a humble believer and a wide-load, cantankerous trustafarian fvckwad was stressed in the parochial schools of my youth…

  74. 74.

    suzanne

    This is so full of unintentional win. “If we could just PERFORM MAGIC, then we wouldn’t need a government! I’m a genius!” I can’t believe y’all don’t get it. Cudlips.

  81. 81.

    Barb (formerly Gex)

    @asiangrrlMN: Hey they are the ones who revel in the obviously ludicrous claims and inconsistencies of the Bible. The original lacks that punch. Go ahead and quote their Bible according to their reading of it.

  83. 83.

    JGabriel

    freelancer:

    Coming in a #2, ahead of Romney, Pence, Barbour et. al., is the writer of this article DougJ is flaying: Herman Cain.

    I never thought I’d be coming to the defense of RedState, but even the RedStaters are complaining about that. Apparently Cain used his radio show to freep the RS poll.

    Which, of course, makes the whole thing funnier.

    And, also, none of this excuses Palin in the lead. There’s no defense for that.

    .

  84. 84.

    TuiMel

    Paraphrase of a bumper sticker I like:

    Jesus was a liberal. If he hadn’t been, you would have to die for your own sins.

  85. 85.

    GregB

    Conservative history primer:

    Southern conservatives were the ones who fought for civil rights.

    Hitler was a lefty.

    The founding fathers were the Pat Robertson’s of their day.

    Valerie Plame was a secretary.

    Saddam was Hitler.

    Ahmadinejad is Hitler.

    Jews are great as long as they commit themselves to Jesus in the end days.

  86. 86.

    JGabriel

    @Anne Laurie:

    This gate, known as the Needle’s Eye, was of course not nearly big enough for a fully-laden camel to access, especially given the balkiness of most camels.

    You know, I think I might have heard that one too, either in my one parochial youth, or as a reminiscence from my mother’s. It sounds awfully familiar, though in retrospect it’s clearly a retcon.

    .

  87. 87.

    Rabble Arouser

    @JGabriel: I watched some special that talked about “The Eye of The Needle” being a gate in the walls of old Jerusalem that was used for trade convoys coming through town. The gate was so small that only camels could enter through it, but only after it had been stripped of the goods it was carrying, got down on it’s knees and got a lot of help from the people around it. I always imagined that using that particular phrase might have been highly illustrative at the time….

  88. 88.

    Yutsano

    @JGabriel:

    And, also, none of this excuses Palin in the lead. There’s no defense for that.

    I can only come up with one possibility for Sarah Palin’s popularity: they think she pisses off liberals. We all think she’s a massive joke, but hey, if they want an unelectable quitter to be their standard bearer next election I say mazel tov to them.

  89. 89.

    Cacti

    He was born into poverty and obscurity, the son of an unmarried woman and an unknown father. He grew up on the bottom rung of the social ladder and associated with criminals, prostitutes and other undesirables. Yet despite all of these disadvantages, he had a charisma that couldn’t be matched, and a message that went on to touch the lives of millions before his untimely death. And whenever I think of this man, It makes me want to say…

    We’ll always miss you Tupac.

  92. 92.

    JGabriel

    @Martin:

    Anything + boobies > Anything lacking boobies

    I guess that’s why McCain won the 2008 primary.

    (We’re selling brainscrubs in aisle 3, if you need to get that image out of your mind.)

    .

  95. 95.

    JGabriel

    @Yutsano:

    I can only come up with one possibility for Sarah Palin’s popularity: they think she pisses off liberals.

    You’re probably right, though my first guess would have been “steroid abuse”.

    .

  97. 97.

    J. Michael Neal

    @Alex Scott:

    and told the rich to give up their wealth before they followed him.

    The way I’ve had it explained to me is that if you tax the rich in order to feed the poor, then the action has no moral content. You need to leave them all of their money so that they may demonstrate their virtue by giving it away.

    I tried to explain how horrified I was at the thought that the purpose of charity was to demonstrate virtue, and that I was far more interested in making sure that people didn’t starve to death. Apparently, that wasn’t a winning argument.

  99. 99.

    The Dangerman

    One thing on Palin, unless her challengers all just roll over for her (read: not likely), one of her own will have to go for the jugular with her and it won’t be pretty when she starts hemorrhaging support. It’ll be Wicked Witch of the West time (hearing Palin’s awful voice screaming her version of “I’m melting” will be cringe worthy).

  100. 100.

    jwb

    @JGabriel: “Apparently Cain used his radio show to freep the RS poll.” They see this as a bad thing??? I would have thought they would have taken his ability to do this as a sign of his total awesomeness. I’m never, ever going to understand the mindset of these fuckers.

  101. 101.

    Suffern ACE

    @The Dangerman: It’s in disagreement with the Gospels. The authors spent quite a bit of time quoting prophets to establish what that mandate was and under whose authority it was granted.

  102. 102.

    JGabriel

    @The Dangerman:

    (hearing Palin’s awful voice screaming her version of “I’m melting” will be cringe worthy).

    I agree, if, by “cringeworthy”, you mean “fucking hilarious once you get past the eardrum rupture.”

    .

  103. 103.

    Malron

    So, obviously the conservatives worship at the throne of Revisionist Jesus, since the guy in the Bible told the disciples “freely have you received, freely give?”

  105. 105.

    Yutsano

    @The Dangerman: The problem is I see the opposite happening: as soon as someone (Mittens is the most likely candidate here as he’s an amoral fucktard) starts attacking Saint Sarah her true believers will lash back at the attacker with a huge fury. They will also tighten up ranks around her and shame others into following along because, well, she’s just one of them amirite?

  107. 107.

    LosGatosCA

    And in the epilogue, his second coming leads him to Red State where he never stops puking. Apologies to Woody Allen via Max Von Sydow.

  109. 109.

    MikeJ

    @J. Michael Neal:

    The way I’ve had it explained to me is that if you tax the rich in order to feed the poor, then the action has no moral content. You need to leave them all of their money so that they may demonstrate their virtue by giving it away.

    If you give your money to charity you don’t pay taxes on it. If the only thing stopping them from giving to charity is taxes, there’s really no excuse.

  110. 110.

    Mnemosyne

    @JGabriel:

    It sounds awfully familiar, though in retrospect it’s clearly a retcon.

    Yep. The verse is very clear: a rich man cannot get into heaven. Period. But of course that can’t be what Jesus really meant, so they had to re-write it and come up with something that he maybe possibly meant that would give them a loophole to be greedy and still get past the velvet rope.

    Funny how everything in the Bible is literally true right up to the point that it inconveniences fundies.

  111. 111.

    Yutsano

    @jwb: I’d rather not go there. Mittens may have the moral fiber of wet pasta, but he at least is not an idiot. His advisers won’t come out of the Wasilla High School yearbook.

  112. 112.

    asiangrrlMN

    @freelancer: Yeah. My snark was along that lines as well.

    I know many Dems are hoping Palin will run, but I really hope not. Not because I think she’ll win, I don’t, but because she just represents so much of what is wrong with the country.

  113. 113.

    The Dangerman

    @Yutsano:

    The problem is I see the opposite happening: as soon as someone … starts attacking Saint Sarah her true believers will lash back at the attacker with a huge fury.

    Oh, I agree, that’s why it’s going to have to be her well exposed jugular (which I can’t predict, but you know her closet is full to overflowing with skeletons); it will be the knockout punch from hell. Best guess? No one, and I mean no one, flys from Texas to Alaska after the water breaks.

  114. 114.

    JGabriel

    @John – A Motley Moose:

    I read through all of the comments on RS …

    Which is why you should stop doing meth.

    … and was encouraged to find that the vast majority of them were critical of the piece.

    Yeah, but … about a quarter of those posts were all by the same guy. At least out of the first few dozen that I skimmed over. (To be fair, yes, that still leaves an encouraging number of people critical of the piece, but the goodwill is sort of decimated by their support for Sarah Palin)

    .

  116. 116.

    M. Bouffant

    If the RedStaters are planning on being all Scriptural & whatnot, why would they vote for someone who still bears the Mark of Cain?

    Or has that little tale been re-interpreted as well?

  117. 117.

    Yutsano

    @asiangrrlMN: She’ll run. Her ego can’t let her not at this point. And she might even win the primaries. Then she’ll have to face a general election, where her persecution complexes and ducking of unfriendly media will doom her. But she’ll have her name and wingnut welfare cemented for life.

    @The Dangerman: A lot of airlines won’t even let a woman on in the third trimester. With a water broken, it’s asking for the baby to be born in an non-sterile and unsuitable environment. Airlines don’t take that kind of risk. That whole story never added up for me, but Sully took all the fun out of it. I think it will be the long legal legacy of Track and her corrupt influence there.

  119. 119.

    asiangrrlMN

    FuckyouWordPressdonothavepermissiontoeditmyass!

    @Yutsano: Agreed. Palin would be an unmitigated disaster. Mitts would be a disaster in a different way. I can’t think of any Republican who wouldn’t be a disaster as president (that is likely to run).

  120. 120.

    JGabriel

    @jwb:

    “Apparently Cain used his radio show to freep the RS poll.” They see this as a bad thing?

    It just gets funnier and funnier.

    .

  121. 121.

    J. Michael Neal

    @MikeJ: No, no. You’d be eliminating the *need* for them to give to charity. So they wouldn’t. And then they’d never get to heaven?

    Why do you want to condemn the rich to Hell?

  125. 125.

    JGabriel

    @J. Michael Neal:

    You don’t think that Zombie Teddy Roosevelt is running?

    Zombie Teddy would show up to one Teabagger gathering, beat them all with a big stick, then register with the Democrats.

    .

  127. 127.

    The Dangerman

    Back to the “perfect conservative” nonsense, didn’t Jesus make absolutely clear that one shouldn’t make interest on monetary loans? How do they get around THAT one?

  130. 130.

    Mnemosyne

    @The Dangerman:

    Best guess? No one, and I mean no one, flys from Texas to Alaska after the water breaks.

    They do if they’re hoping the Down syndrome baby they’re carrying “accidentally” dies so they won’t have the moral stain of having an abortion. But good luck proving that.

  133. 133.

    The Dangerman

    @Mnemosyne:

    They do if they’re hoping the Down syndrome baby they’re carrying “accidentally” dies so they won’t have the moral stain of having an abortion. But good luck proving that.

    Hadn’t heard that charge previously; not buying it, thus not interested in proving it.

    Nonetheless, something there doesn’t pass the smell test; have no idea what the answer might be, but the current story she uses is laughable.

  134. 134.

    John - A Motley Moose

    @JGabriel: No, you’ve got it wrong. Reading comments on sites like RS drives one to using meth. I read stuff on sites like that every once in awhile just for shits and giggles. I even go to drudge every so often to follow the links to articles that have comments. It reinforces my belief that most of these people are batshit crazy.

  135. 135.

    patrick II

    Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative.

    Imperfect conservatives who are not the omnipotent son of god evidently explains why the philosophy that can never fail never succeeds.

  137. 137.

    JGabriel

    @John – A Motley Moose:

    I read stuff on sites like that every once in awhile just for shits and giggles.

    I was joking, John. I do the same thing. Just a couple of days ago I was reading Freep just to watch the gay panic after DADT repeal. That was some high grade comedy.

    .

  139. 139.

    jwb

    @Yutsano: That may make Mittens worse. I guess it depends on whether you’d prefer a smart fucker or a dumb fucker as your opponent. It’s my belief that Romney would get far more accomplished, and so put us that much further down the road of corporate feudalism, than would Palin. The black swan risks are undoubtedly higher with Palin: she’s far more likely to nuke the world or move on to the ground of overt fascism.

  140. 140.

    JGabriel

    freelancer:

    Lemme know when it starts getting red.

    Been getting redder and redder all along in the covered part, which is a little over half the moon at this point.

    .

  141. 141.

    Mnemosyne

    @The Dangerman:

    Hadn’t heard that charge previously; not buying it, thus not interested in proving it.

    It’s interesting that every time I point that out, and that there’s a long, long history of women doing similar things to try and induce a miscarriage, every man dismisses it out of hand. Maybe you should listen to the people who are actually capable of being pregnant, hmm?

    Nonetheless, something there doesn’t pass the smell test; have no idea what the answer might be, but the current story she uses is laughable.

    So it’s more rational to think that her 16-year-old daughter just happened to be one of the 1 in 1,250 women under 25 who have a Down syndrome baby than the 44-year-old woman who has a 1 in 30 chance of having one, so there has to be another explanation?

    Once you realize that (a) older women are far more likely to have Down syndrome babies and (b) Sarah Palin is very vocally anti-abortion, the “accidental miscarriage” attempt sounds a whole heck of a lot more plausible than covering for a teenage pregnancy that just happens to coincidentally produce a Down syndrome child, doesn’t it?

  143. 143.

    The Dangerman

    @Mnemosyne:

    …the “accidental miscarriage” attempt sounds a whole heck of a lot more plausible than covering for a teenage pregnancy that just happens to coincidentally produce a Down syndrome child, doesn’t it?

    Perhaps, but I still find her even getting on the plane a massive problem; don’t have a clue as to the answer, but it’s something ugly. She got a pass last time; she won’t next time.

  144. 144.

    MattR

    @jwb: Pretty good webstream here (EDIT: Of the eclipse, not Sarah Palin)

    I am debating if I am gonna bundle back up and go out into the cold. I know what my dog’s answer is. If it even rhymes with “out” she wants in.

  145. 145.

    jwb

    @The Dangerman: I haven’t played this game in a long, long time. Does anyone believe that her water broke before she got back to Alaska? This just always struck me as Sarah Princess telling tall-tales, and then showing her usual stubborn streak and digging deeper and deeper when she was called on it.

  146. 146.

    Mnemosyne

    @The Dangerman:

    Perhaps, but I still find her even getting on the plane a massive problem; don’t have a clue as to the answer, but it’s something ugly.

    Alaska Airlines has no restrictions on when pregnant women can fly. The policies are set by each individual airline and are not uniform. You can be in your third trimester and fly with Alaska Airlines, though a doctor probably wouldn’t recommend it.

    IIRC, the flight attendants said they had no idea she was pregnant — it’s up to the pregnant woman to inform the airline, not the responsibility of the airline to screen women to figure out if someone might be pregnant before they board the plane.

    People are cooking up a dark conspiracy when the actual facts lend themselves to a much simpler and more common, if uglier, explanation. In fact, I think that for people like Sully, they’re cooking up the dark conspiracy because they don’t want to think that even Palin would do something that ugly, but it’s really not that uncommon, sadly.

  148. 148.

    The Dangerman

    @jwb:

    Does anyone believe that her water broke before she got back to Alaska? This just always struck me as Sarah Princess telling tall-tales…

    Again, perhaps, but the bottom line is her current explanation will be challenged. Wonder if there will as many calls to see her kid’s birth certificate as there has been for Obama’s (yeah, I know, apples and oranges, but that would answer all).

  150. 150.

    asiangrrlMN

    @MattR: I went out. Saw nothing (too much snow for me to venture far). But, it was very light out for 1:30 a.m. Strange. Glad you clarified about the link or I never would have clicked. It’s not working right now. Probably too many people trying to view it.

    @Mnemosyne: Night! Palin brought the thread down–not you.

  151. 151.

    freelancer

    @Mnemosyne:

    No, you’re executing legitimate Skepticism. It’s okay. Palin is a cipher, she lies at whim. There are a near infinite number of reasons to bring her down otherwise. Leave the baby shit alone.

  152. 152.

    NobodySpecial

    Watching the eclipse is better with Pink Floyd on, but Iron Maiden’s “Total Eclipse” is pretty appropriate, too.

  159. 159.

    Bubblegum Tate

    Oh, so this is that Cain guy? The crew over at Blogs for Victory have been touching themselves over him…nice to see he’s every bit as stupid as having a fan club at B4V would imply.

  160. 160.

    hamletta

    They always want to drag Jesus out for their own purposes. Fuckers.

    There was a house in my end of town that had a 15-foot cross with lights up and down for “Christmas.”

    It was liturgically wrong. We focus on the cross during Lent and Holy Week.

    And a big-ass lit-up cross invites some unfortunate imagery here in the South. I was glad when those people moved away.

    I read the lessons for Advent at my church on Sunday, and there’s a lot of room to groove in the prophecies of the Messiah. I can see why our Jewish brothers and sisters are a wee bit cynical.

    Still, I will sing of the wee babe, and eat bagel and lox on the morrow.

  161. 161.

    Redshift

    The eclipse is way-cool here in the DC area. With a wisp of cloud, an orange-red otherworldly moon and glittering stars, it looks like a vision of outer space from a 50s Technicolor SF movie.

    Saw a meteor a few minutes after totality, too!

  163. 163.

    Hob

    Here in SF there were thick fog banks drifting overhead, but it cleared away often enough to see the crazy moon pretty well. Cuddled up with my sweetheart on the roof. Saw a meteor too. Whee.

  165. 165.

    Belafon (formerly anonevent)

    @J. Michael Neal: And Jesus had an answer to that: Giving charity in order to demonstrate virtue earns you the reward on earth. If you earn it on earth, there won’t be any of it in heaven.

  167. 167.

    kdaug

    @jwb:

    …with Palin: she’s far more likely to nuke the world or move on to the ground of overt fascism.

    This. It’s the reason she’s terrifying. And it’s not just brown people or liberals or your standard conservative tropes.

    It’s whoever pissed her off, for whatever reason. Vengeance with a CIA and nukes. Nixon on steroids, without the gut-check of a Soviet Union.

    And she knows the mind of God.

  168. 168.

    Southern Beale

    Oh my God. “He never took an unemployment check!” But he STILL took handouts, you assholes, They just didn’t call it unemployment! Conservatives are REALLY bad at religion, just like they’re bad at everything else.

    This is so offensive and they don’t even get it. It never fails when their politics is at odds with their religion, the problem simply MUST be their religion.

  169. 169.

    satby

    @Mnemosyne:

    It’s interesting that every time I point that out, and that there’s a long, long history of women doing similar things to try and induce a miscarriage, every man dismisses it out of hand. Maybe you should listen to the people who are actually capable of being pregnant, hmm?

    Don’t know why Dangerman never heard (or thought of) that. All, and I mean all, of my middle-aged friends thought she was trying to be sure the baby was born dead or in a non-survivable condition. Especially the friends who were nurses.

  170. 170.

    Annelid Gustator

    I think that “he taught without a script” should be followed by “or a union,” not “or a teleprompter.”

  171. 171.

    Phyllis

    @freelancer: Ha ha!! My first out loud laugh of the day. Thanks.

    ETA: Not much to add, because the brilliants here have beat me to most of the salient points. All I can say is, this is some fucked-up theology that has no relevance to the actual New Testament, or what Jesus was about. Another example of conservatives rejecting academic study and going with their ‘gut feelings’. Which are always wrong. And deliberately mean and small, to boot.

  172. 172.

    Ian Preston

    @JGabriel:

    Not a camel. A rope, goddammit! I’m so sick of that fucking mistranslation.

    I thought that theory had been undermined. There are earlier references in Talmudic and midrashic passages to elephants, tents and camels going through eyes of needles. It looks like an established turn of phrase at the time for something not just difficult but impossible without divine assistance.

  173. 173.

    Chris

    He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps.

    It helps that he was, how to put this, freaking GOD. Y’know? I mean, healing blind people and feeding hungry people WITHOUT HEALTH CARE OR FOOD STAMPS (omg!) is a hell of a lot easier when you’ve got magic fingers that can create bread and wine out of thin air and heal people with the touch of his hands.

    Look, I don’t want to put a burden on this nation’s resources if I don’t have to. So if you’ve got a guy, or even a God, walking the earth right now who’s both willing and able to heal everyone with the touch of his fingers free of charge, then WONDERFUL – let’s abolish Medicare and Medicaid, along with all those private hospitals, and leave it to him.

    But until you do, shut the fuck up and let people work.

  175. 175.

    Ash Can

    And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

    O-bot.

  177. 177.

    jayjaybear

    @fouro:

    When will they dispense with the embarrassing efforts at reconciling fact and wish and just say what they want – a Republic of Gilead?

    To be fair, that may be the only chance of participating in a threeway that these guys will ever get…

  182. 182.

    Jamey: Bike Commuter of the Gods

    If He was really a conservative, he would have let the poor become wealthy; He would have let the sick cure themselves; and He would have let the hungry feed themselves.

    Because that’s modern Conservatism in a nutshell. Whether it was through a miracle or not, giving people in need help just creates dependency on others and an entitlement mentality.

  183. 183.

    rickstersherpa

    Apparently, Hermann and all these Red Staters keep sleeping through this reading or just have not gotten the memo:

    “17 And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?
    18 And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.
    19 Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.
    20 And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.
    21 Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.
    22 And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.
    23 And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!
    24 And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!
    25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”
    Compare: Matthew 19:16-30; Luke 18:18-30″

    See also http://www.biblicalhebrew.com/nt/camelneedle.htm

    This use of Christianity to advance the selfish interests of the very rich at this particular moment in time is what I think is meant by the sin of “Taking the Name of the Lord in Vain.” As can be seen by the responses on this blog, it produces a violent reaction against all of Christianity, not the just the perverted, anti-intellectual fundamentalism that has come dominate the current evangelical Church, with its unholly combination of Galtism and “electism” (the belief that worldly wealth and power are a sign of God’s favor). These peole are: “scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead [men’s] bones, and of all uncleanness.”

  184. 184.

    Tuttle

    C’mon guys. The thing starts with a falsehood (The House of David wasn’t royal!?) and works down from there. For Kibo’s sake, the author can’t even do simple arithmetic! 2,010 – 33 is not, never was and never will be “more than 2,000”.

    Their faith is a mile wide. And a nanometer deep.

  185. 185.

    Julia Grey

    All, and I mean all, of my middle-aged friends thought she was trying to be sure the baby was born dead or in a non-survivable condition.

    That was my theory, as well, and I encountered that same wall of absolute horrified denial from the menfolk when I mentioned the possiblity.

    “Not even Sarah Palin would….”

    Of course she would! And so would a lot of other women.

    But some of them would have had the guts to make the decision earlier in the pregnancy.

    I don’t think any of this would come up in her presidential campaign, by the way. It’s radioactive.

  186. 186.

    Kilgore Trout

    And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

    I miss Jerry Garcia too.

  188. 188.

    joeyess

    @Southern Beale:

    Conservatives are REALLY bad at religion

    So is everyone else. Do you know why? Because religion is bad. It is the ignorance of observation and the reluctance of changing positions when evidence is presented. Faith in a sky pilot is a short-cut to thinking.

  189. 189.

    Hawes

    I love the “liberal court” line. Because as we all know, liberals LOVE them some death penalty.

    And really, what could BE more liberal than a military dictatorship in the Middle East that practices torture on insurgents?

    Pontius Pilate=George Bush Howard Zinn

    “We are an empire, we make our own reality.”
    – Octavius Ceasar Augustus, Princips of Rome

  191. 191.

    matoko_chan

    @joeyess: no! conservatives are great at religion.
    conservatives are ALL political judeoxians anymore.
    political christianity has wholly suborned one of the two major political parties in the US.
    America is NOT a secular nation when one party is entirely religious.
    let me repeat that…., AMERICA IS NOT A SECULAR NATION. ONE PARTY IS WHOLLY WHITE CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THE GOP CANNOT FIELD A CANDIDATE THAT DOESNT PROFESS COUNTERFACTUAL CHRISTIAN DOCTRINE LIKE CREATIONISM AND FETAL PERSONHOOD.
    And whether those self-described christians meet your personal christian purity test not, they are willing to rape the rest of us to death, patch their clothes with our skin, and cook and eat our flesh if we dont convert to their belief system.
    Republican == political christian.
    sukk on that cudlips.

  192. 192.

    Bill Murray

    @satby: I thought the standard way was to go riding horses and have a fall. Although I guess most people don’t have much access to horses anymore.

  194. 194.

    matoko_chan

    @Bill Murray: yeah, sully simply can’t give up on his original hypoth that Bristol birthed trig.
    just like he cant give up on conservatism or the catholic church.
    its conservative backfire effect.

  195. 195.

    Kilkee

    I delight in the irony that the GOP will not nominate their best candidate, Romney, as a result of religious prejudice. Instead, they are quite capable of nominating an utter moron, Palin, who will get her standard crazy 27% of the population, and tack on maybe another 10-12% of those who could NEVER vote for a Dem or a darkie, and will be utterly crushed in a landslide of epic proportions. It serves Mitt right for bad-mouthing Massachusetts, the sort of liberal place where no one much cares if you have funny underwear fables so long as you can balance a budget.

  196. 196.

    matoko_chan

    @Kilkee: mitt cant EVAH win the general.
    in case you haven’t noticed, he is MORMON.
    there is a portion of the Republican Christian White Purity Party that would vote a satan ticket before pulling the lever for a mormon.

  197. 197.

    ed drone

    @J. Michael Neal:

    Why do you want to condemn the rich to Hell?

    Because Jesus said so.

    Jesus said it, I believe it, and that ends it!

    Besides, we can’t jolly well condemn them to heaven, can we?

    Ed

  198. 198.

    Bruce (formerly Steve S.)

    He led without a mandate.

    Matthew 3:16-17

    He taught without a script.

    Matthew 5:18

    His common sense parables filled people with promise and compassion

    Matthew 22:1-14

    The liberal court

    Matthew 23

    found Him guilty of false offences

    Mark 14:61-62

    and sentenced Him to death

    John 18:31

  199. 199.

    jake the snake

    I haven’t followed closely, but there is some sort of schism among evangelicals over “works”. There is a quote to the effect that by their works are they known. In other words, followers of Jesus were encouraged to do good works for their fellow man and that would contribute greatly to their salvation. The more right wing evangelicals deny this and say that only by faith are people saved.

    It has been a long time since I attended an evangelical church, but in those it took both faith and works.

  200. 200.

    matoko_chan

    @jake the snake: it only takes faith in the TP/GOP Republican WEC Party of White Conservative Christofascist Christians.
    all their works are of Satan.
    the quote they argue over is Paul.

    faith without works is dead.

  202. 202.

    eyelessgame

    @J. Michael Neal:

    The way I’ve had it explained to me is that if you tax the rich in order to feed the poor, then the action has no moral content. You need to leave them all of their money so that they may demonstrate their virtue by giving it away.

    The one-word retort to that is “narcissist.” There are poor people, there is need out there, and it is all about me. The rest of the universe exists as my own personal morality play. Other people suffer specifically so that I can show my virtue to them. Relieving their suffering is secondary.

    You have to admit, it’s an awfully attractive, seductive philosophy.

  205. 205.

    Bruce (formerly Steve S.)

    @eyelessgame:

    Thanks, I’ve never won an internet before. I went to the original post and there’s even more to respond to than the excerpt above. Here it is:

    “He was not born into a royal family”
    Matthew 1:1
    “He led without a mandate.”
    Matthew 3: 16-17
    “He taught without a script.”
    Matthew 5:18
    “His common sense parables filled people with promise and compassion”
    Matthew 22:1-14
    “His words forever inspiring.”
    Matthew 10: 34-36
    “He never condemned what others believed ”
    Matthew 6:7
    “He helped the poor without one government program”
    Matthew 26:11
    “when they tried Him in court, He never said a mumbling word.”
    Mark 14: 61-62
    “nor did He care about who judged Him”
    Matthew 23: 33
    “The liberal court found Him guilty of false offences”
    Mark 14: 61-62
    “and sentenced Him to death”
    John 18: 31

  206. 206.

    maus

    @jwb:

    she’s far more likely to nuke the world or move on to the ground of overt fascism.

    At least during the election we can see more of her boots & leather jacket fashion right out of Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS.

  207. 207.

    timb

    @JGabriel: Not too long ago, Whirlpool was nice to fire all of its American workers and move their plants to a foreign country. Why this guy hate Americans?

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