In news that is alternatively LOL and OMGWTF?, Justin Bieber has been thrust into the (apparently ongoing) debate about Park 51 aka Cordoba House aka The Muslin Mosk That Wants to Kill Your Family and Pets.
A bunch of fuckwits are still pissed off about the Cordoba House, which is being built in an old Burlington’s Coat Factory a few blocks away from Ground Zero and the World Trade Center Commemorative Strip Club. They are so pissed off that they are boycotting any companies that support the rights of motherfuckers to go pray in the middle of the day or learn how to swim, or learn how to make houses out of popsicle sticks near the “hollowed ground” that is Ground Zero.
Well, this may shock you folks, but I vote yes on Proposition Boycott. Yes, that’s right. I’m all for it! I know I’ve ranted and raved about how head ‘splodey these intolerant Islamophobic idiots make me, so I understand that my about-face on this issue may come as a surprise. But hear me out!
These former fuckwits, now champions of liberty, freedom, and All Things Palin (She’s not so bad when you think about it… I sort of like her now!) have proposed a boycott that I can fully get behind (even though it turns me against all my Muslim brothers and sisters): THEY ARE BOYCOTTING TEH BIEBER.
That’s right. These patriots, these king of kings have dragged Canada’s pop sensation minion from hell into the fray, and I, for one, support it.
Andy Sullivan, a construction worker and Brooklyn native, has been one of the loudest opponents of Park51, the planned mosque and community center near ground zero. Founder of the 9/11 Hard Hat Pledge — under which construction workers vow not to work at the mosque site — Sullivan has been a regular presence on television, known for wearing his signature American flag hard hat and talking tough about radical Muslims.
So it was quite a surprise this month to read that Sullivan has set his sights on a new target: Canadian teen pop superstar Justin Bieber.
Mosque foes recently started a boycott of Bieber after he made comments in support of the mosque project in an interview with Tiger Beat, a teen fan magazine, Sullivan told WYNC earlier this month. Now, his 8-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son have been banned from attending Bieber performances.
“I informed them, ‘Hey guys, guess what? Justin Bieber spoke out for the ground zero mosque,” Sullivan explained to Salon in an interview. “My little girl took down his poster and said she didn’t want to have nothing to do with him anymore. These are my kids. They’re living this thing.”
A Facebook page has been set up by an ally of Sullivan publicizing the boycott of Bieber and several other pro-mosque celebrities. It has attracted nearly 500 fans.
So kids, if you hate Muslims (asI know you, like, totally do because Muslims are, like, totally ew!) then you must tear down all your “Tigar Beat” posters and shred your Ok! Magazine photo-spreads.
Take those Justin Bieber CDs and summarily set them on fire!
Join the Facebook Group!
Scream from the mountain tops “YOU SUCK JUSTIN BEAVER! GO BACK TO CANADIA!”
PRIMARY KILL BOYCOTT HIM!
CUT HIS HAIR!!
Do it for America! (and for Canada, for they know not what horror they have wrought upon the world).
NO JUSTIN! MORE PEACE!!
::runs around in a circle, flailing wildly::
Except of course the little turd-muncher didn’t voice any support for the “mosque.” He probably doesn’t even now how to spell “mosk.” It’s all a big hoax:
Intrigued by the idea that Bieber would weigh in on one of the most polarizing political issues of the day, I began looking for his interview with Tiger Beat.
The magazine does cover Bieber obsessively (“Justin Bieber Dodges Dating Selena Gomez Question!” and “Did Justin Bieber Grow a Mustache?” are two recent features). But I couldn’t find any sign of an interview on Park51. There is, however, a post on the website CelebJihad.com purporting to describe a Tiger Beat interview. It reads in part:
In an interview with Tiger Beat, the pop sensation stressed that freedom of religion is what makes America great, and went on to say that those who oppose the Mosque are motivated by bigotry.
“Muslims should be allowed to build a mosque anywhere they want,” the singer said. “Coming from Canada, I’m not used to this level of intolerance, eh.”
Bieber went on to say that Muslims are “super cool,” Christians are “lame-o-rama,” and that the mosque will help “start a dialogue” with all religions about which Justin Bieber song is the most awesome.
“I was like seven when September 11th went down, and frankly I’m surprised people are still going on about it. Move on, already!”
Celebjihad.com seems to specialize in softcore celebrity porn, but poke around a bit and you find this disclaimer:
CelebJihad.com is a satirical website containing published rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions, fiction as well as factual information.
I was able to reach the proprietor of the site, who confirmed that the Bieber item is in fact a hoax. “[T]he fact that some people take it seriously is hilariously depressing,” he said in an e-mail.
Hilariously depressing, indeed. At least now I can go back to not hating Muslims.1
1 And, thankfully, I can go back to loathing Lady Von Wolf Huntress of Winkington.
UPDATE: A hearty thank you to freelancer for this awesomeness, which is heading straight for your eyeholes:
[cross-posted here at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]
[Ahoy Balloon Juice mateys! I was gone for a while. But now I’m back. And that’s how that story goes. I hope everyone had a pleasant holidays. I hope your livers have regenerated enough to enable you to drink yourself into a stupor while you party like it’s 1999. Cheers and Happy New Year! -ABL]