I’m reading the mob indictments for the big round-up in NY, and it really does read like episodes of the Sopranos.
Goodfellas
by John Cole| 82 Comments
This post is in: Assholes
by John Cole| 82 Comments
This post is in: Assholes
I’m reading the mob indictments for the big round-up in NY, and it really does read like episodes of the Sopranos.
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geg6
Yeah, and the names are just to goddam funny. Having known some actual mobsters from Youngstown, I’m always surprised that these idiots call themselves such stupid shit. The big boss from Youngstown that I knew used only his actual name. He didn’t need some stupid nickname to strike fear in the hearts of men. His only idiosyncrasy was insisting on being called Mr. By everyone, even his wife.
Cat Lady
Srsly. NPR was reading the aliases off the list of names yesterday for yuks. I think the Mafia has jumped the shark. I get Johnny Pizza, but Tony Bagels? Only in America I guess.
MonkeyBoy
Just looking at the first, U.S. v. Alesi et al, I notice mostly Eyetalian names – except for Robert Berliner and Ayub Sayed.
I knew Jews could be part of the Mob, but when did they start admitting Arabs?
Suck It Up!
I just saw an old movie last weekend about RFK and Jimmy Hoffa. The movie showed how RFK went after the mob and I began to wonder what our guy was doing – well, here ya go.
morzer
Isn’t it time for Nick Gillespie to denounce this sort of government interference with the free market?
Ash Can
I fully expect Joe Barton to hold a press conference today to apologize to all the hoods whose God-given freedom and liberty was scandalously snatched away by Barack Obama’s sociaIistic and tyrannical DoJ.
JGabriel
The Cosa Nostra hierarchy outlined at the beginning of the Alesi indictment reads like some sort of ruleset for an RPG video game.
Which I’m sure it will be in few months…
.
cleek
@morzer:
seriously. who should the FBI interfere in the execution of contracts between two private parties ?
if some enterprising young men want to offer protection from society’s unsavory elements, shouldn’t it be up to the consumer to decide if the price is worth it ?
Fletch
Hope there aren’t any Cubs fans here. Did you all see the last name on the defendant list of the “Alesi et al” document?
Morbo
@MonkeyBoy: That’s Robert “Bacala” Berliner to his friends. My favorite so far is Vincenzo “Vinny Carwash” Frogiero both for its awesome Italian-ness and the nickname.
morzer
@cleek:
Unsavory elements? Sir, such a slur against white businessmen could only come from the mouth of a lackey of the Kenyan Marxist-Muslim Usurper!
You lie, boy!
JGabriel
@cleek:
That’s even funnier if you just switch the placement of contracts and execution.
.
de stijl
Um, I’d link a famous scene from True Romance, but I’m pretty sure I’d get yelled at given some of the FDL oriented posts and comment threads in the last few days.
Or else he was a legacy hire (mother’s side).
Chyron HR
His name came, I understood, when the judge said, “You are a robbing hood!”
MikeJ
I hope DougJ will be changing his handle to reflect this story.
morzer
@MikeJ:
DougJ “The Pageview” DougJSon… it has a ring to it.
Ash Can
@morzer: Or maybe all of the GOP Congressional leaders can do a joint conference denouncing Obama’s unconscionable campaign of persecution against Americans of Italian descent.
frostys
@JGabriel: WIN!
morzer
@JGabriel:
Very, very nice!
morzer
@Ash Can:
I wonder whether “Johnny Orange” will weep as he denounces the oppressor?
DecidedFenceSitter
@JGabriel: Mafia II.
djork
Don’t you guys get it? That thug Obama is taking out the competition so the black street gangs can take over the rackets. SAVE THE WHITE CRIME FAMILIES!!!!
/wingnut
Charles
I’m shocked, shocked, to find that the mob is engaged in gambling activities!
de stijl
I googled to see if there is a mob nickname generator. Of course there is. I love this country.
Mine is The Spaniard. Sarah Palin is The Funny Moustache
de stijl
@djork:
Don’t you mean Barack “The Pope” Obama?
morzer
@de stijl:
How in holy frick’s name did I end up as “The Jeweler”?
cleek
@de stijl:
i am The Ostritch
kookookahchoo
elmo
@Charles:
Win.
Oops. I mean, “Your winnings, sir.”
de stijl
My fave so far is John “Lonely Guy” Boehner.
morzer
@de stijl:
Try putting in “Brett Favre”.
R-Jud
@de stijl: I’m “Fancy Pants”.
I’m also hoping I don’t see any family members mentioned in those indictments. Ctrl + F…
jibeaux
There was just recently a Stuff You Should Know podcast about the Mafia that reads a lot like that indictment. I love that podcast.
jonst
How come they never include the nicknames of the white collar criminals when they busted? Names like “Poppy”, or “sonny”, or “Binky”?
morzer
@jonst:
Or Nick “The Jacket” Gillespie….
de stijl
@R-Jud:
It’s lucky you’re not Brett Favre.
JPL
From now on please refer to me as IcePick
I didn’t read the indictments yet but I assumed that the mob was involved in gambling, trash and horse racing.
Patrick
I’m as against murder, drugs and prostitution as anyone, but does it bother anyone that this high profile investigation/arrest wasn’t directed at Wall Street?
morzer
@Patrick:
Don Jamie “The Junk Bond” Dimon has the situation in hand, Patrick.
martha
@de stijl: “The Mouthpiece”, checking in. That just completely cracks me up and will make my husband snort whatever liquid he’s drinking out his nose.
Karen in GA
“Cedar Teeth”?
Cat Lady
Completely OT, but reading Fallows’ description of the state dinner, what would a Walnuts/Snow Snooki analog look like? Giant pu pu platters and trained bears on little tricycles later shot by a team of Arizona Minutemen and the Wasilla Elks and the paws fed to the guests?
Nethead Jay
“Cedar Teeth” Bwahahahaha :D
maya
Antonin “The Executioner” Scalia.
Ana Gama
“Junior Lollipops” is supposed to strike fear? Really?
Mike in NC
The Buffalo Beast on Charlie Rangel:
elmo
@Patrick:
The indictment I read wasn’t even about murder, drugs or prostitution. It was about illegal gambling.
In other words, if you want to gamble, you had better give the money to the State, and not the State’s competition.
Yeah, yeah, they’re evil, brutal thugs who will do anything for power. You know what? I bet they are. And I’m sure the people they just indicted are too.
Nethead Jay
@Karen in GA I think we need to team up ;) -> @Nethead Jay:
maya
Glenn “Six Toes” Beck
Chris
“The Just”. What in hellfire…?
de stijl
Tucker “The Quill” Carlson. It’s so, so appropriate.
Scuffletuffle
Sweet Nostrils here, talkin’ atcha!
SweetNostrils, fka Scuffletuffle
Ooooh, this is fun!
Chris
@elmo:
I haven’t read much about the case yet, but the illegal gambling could simply have been the easiest charge to pin on all the mobsters. Like nailing Al Capone on tax evasion.
And yes, comparisons between the mob and their “legitimate” competition are abundant and often well-taken. Like organized crime at the turn of the century being nothing but the blue collar, urban version of the “legitimate” trusts of the same era.
scav
The Bishop, only one letter away from my typo name of The Lone Drinker!
Ike
The Self-Toucher- I kid you not.
Karen in GA
@Nethead Jay: They shall know us by our beaver-dam smiles.
Steeplejack "Jackie Steeps" Steeplejackson
@morzer:
A.k.a. Doug the Troll; Dougie Troll; the Agitator.
elmo
@Chris:
Could very well be. I’m just dead cynical about US Attys and their power of indictment. Especially when it comes to big, splashy displays like this one, with media invites to see the arrests and DOJ apparatchiks preening in front of the cameras.
There are very, very bad people in the world, and I know that. So I hate like hell that the Government’s past behavior makes me immediately suspicious of the indictments and sympathetic toward the targets. It shouldn’t be that way, but that’s the way it is. My initial take on all of this is that these poor bastards missed a payoff to the wrong guys.
fucen tarmal
@Ana Gama: its the boy named sue theory.
you gonna fuck with a guy who’s friends have called him “big pusci” all his life?
Dennis SGMM
Guess they’re saving the indictments of Lloyd “Chrome Dome” Blankfein, Kenneth “It’s Our House” Lewis, and Edward “How Much” Liddy, for Sweeps Week.
burnspbesq
Hopefully the next set of high-profile indictments will cover the entire C-suite at Massey Energy. The MSHA report on the Upper Big Branch explosion is about as damning as it could possibly be. Props to NPR for staying with this story.
Ivan Ivanovich Renko
@djork: We have a winnah!!
burnspbesq
“Guess they’re saving the indictments of Lloyd “Chrome Dome” Blankfein, Kenneth “It’s Our House” Lewis, and Edward “How Much” Liddy, for Sweeps Week.”
Or until there is enough actual, admissible evidence of actvities that violate some part of Title 18 to justify going before a grand jury.
“Despicable” and “illegal” are not synonyms, and investment banks spend massive amounts of cash getting the best lawyers in America to tell them where the lines are that they cross at their peril.
The Executioner (Jim, Once)
I was really hoping my husband’s name would be The Contractor. (If anyone actually wants to know, it’s The Hawk.)
Tokyokie
I’m “No Mercy,” but the spousal unit is “The Tiger,” which I find more fearsome.
GMF
John Hartman, AKA – “Lumpy” “Fatty” “Fats” – Sounds like John has some weight issues, maybe.
Also, there’s another guy called “Baby Fat Larry” or “BFL” – that’s got to be my favorite. “Tony Bagles” is a close second.
Steeplejack "Jackie Steeps" Steeplejackson
There was a great bit about the Canadian Mafia in (I think) one of Jon Stewart’s books, and the names were all like Gary “The Conciliator” Smith and Bob “That Seems Reasonable” Anderson.
Svensker
@elmo:
You obviously never lived in Hoboken. I got no sympathy for those guys. Scum. Ugly, stupid, uncultured, ignorant scum. I hate Sopranos, cuz it makes those guys look way too good.
The Republic of Stupidity
Actually, those funny names served a purpose at one time…
When someone used a tag like ‘Jimmy Two Times’ on the phone or in a meeting, instead of James Baccalari, it just made it that much harder to ID James if the phone was tapped or there was a bug in the room…
And law enforcement would go to some real extremes trying to eavesdrop on their conversations, even planting mics in trees on the streets the mobsters would use for their ‘walk and talks’…
I read once that some long time mobsters never knew each others’ real names, even after doing business together for years and years…
I’ve known drug dealers who would only talk about ‘pickles’ on the phone… that’s also where slang we now all accept, like ‘do a hit’ came from… when gangsters first started using a phrase like that, the cops really didn’t understand what they were referring to…
And naturally, part of the allure of being a gangster is a certain kind of ‘glamour’, at least in some folks’ eyes… as evinced by Ray Liotta’s famous line from Goodfellas – ‘We were like movie stars with muscle’…
So those guys were/are certainly aware of a their ‘public image’, so to speak, and by now, the funny names could just be part and parcel of ‘being a gangster’… I once read that after The Godfather came out and was such a big hit, mobsters all over the place took to acting out key scenes and quoting their favorite lines endlessly…
Just sayin’
elmo
@Svensker:
I understand. Like I said, it makes me sad, that I can’t just accept the indictment. But the mobbed-up guys aren’t the only scum in New Jersey or New York, and I’ll leave it at that.
freelancer
@morzer:
Chimpy Nuts, sigh
daryljfontaine
The nicknames are pretty funny, but I like combining them in different ways to make even funnier aliases.
Johnny Pizza Bagels
Fat Larry Meatball
Lumpy the Beard
D
The Executioner (Jim, Once)
@Steeplejack “Jackie Steeps” Steeplejackson
Ha! Love it!
Steeplejack "Jackie Steeps" Steeplejackson
@The Executioner (Jim, Once):
Thanks. I went for the two-fer: this thread plus DougJ’s recent name changes.
My Mafia name from the generator site is “The Fist.” Gotta work that in somehow.
ETA: Er, unless you were talking about the Canadian Mafia. Wish I could find that piece. The rest of it was hilarious too.
daryljfontaine
“Three Fingers” Fontaine it is.
D
wrb
@de stijl:
I’m The Weed Whacker
cool
Anne Laurie
@The Republic of Stupidity:
Much like us bloggers, then.
My nickname is “The Merciless”. And the name generator knows better than to disagree.
wrb
Barak “The Ogre” Obama?
slag
Maybe they hired GW to dole out the nicknames.
The Republic of Stupidity
@Anne Laurie:
Uhhhhh… yes… strangely enough…
Am I going to get knee-capped for pointing that out?
Ruckus
@daryljfontaine:
I’m Three Fingers, you can’t be Three Fingers!
Or is it the other way around?
I’m so confused with only 3 fingers to twirl my curls.
Delio
Be cautious on what you write about people.