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You are here: Home / In Fairness, Who Doesn’t Like a Good Reaming?

In Fairness, Who Doesn’t Like a Good Reaming?

by John Cole|  February 7, 20118:28 am| 67 Comments

This post is in: Sweet Fancy Moses!

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I guess I missed this because I was in a heightened state of anxiety, doing breathing exercises trying to remain calm (“out with the bad, in with the good, out with the bad, in with the good”):

At the opening of Super Bowl XLV, less than a minute into the song, Christina Aguilera mangled some words of the national anthem.

Instead of “O’er the ramparts we watch’d, were so gallantly streaming,” Ms. Aguilera belted out, “What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming.” That line was a repeat of one she’d already sung a few seconds earlier, except with some personal embellishments, like her replacement of the word “gleaming” with “reaming.”

When did she start to look like a such a freak show, too? I haven’t followed her career closely (AT ALL), but I remember her as a somewhat cuteish kid from Pittsburgh. Now she looks like someone bred Joan Rivers and Dolly Parton.

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67Comments

  1. 1.

    GMF

    February 7, 2011 at 8:37 am

    “Now she looks like someone bred Joan Rivers and Dolly Parton.”

    Spot-on.

    BTW: I had no idea the Superbowl was on par with the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima.

    I’m guessing whoever coinceived that intro was using a Texas history book as a reference.

  2. 2.

    Matt

    February 7, 2011 at 8:45 am

    @GMF: Oh, it wasn’t just that. It was also the Great Depression, MLK Jr., JFK, the Challenger, and 9/11, among others. Apparently the Super Bowl is supposed to be very, very fucking depressing.

  3. 3.

    gbear

    February 7, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Robert Goulet (Canadian) screwed up the words to the U.S. national anthem at a boxing match in the 60’s and was immediately drown out by a chorus of BOOO!s from the crowd. I think he sang ‘by the dawns early night’. I looked for a YouTube of the incident but didn’t have any luck. I’m surprised Aguilera wasn’t booed out of the stadium in Texas.

  4. 4.

    Morbo

    February 7, 2011 at 8:47 am

    Now she looks like someone bred Joan Rivers and Dolly Parton.

    Back to the topic of ads: GoDaddy trolled their audience well with that ad.

  5. 5.

    cathyx

    February 7, 2011 at 8:48 am

    I bet many Superbowl celebrators got reamed at the last twilight too. And have quite a hangover today.

  6. 6.

    cleek

    February 7, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Obligatory Family Guy link: Peter on Aguilera

  7. 7.

    nevsky42

    February 7, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Should’ve got Enrico Pallazzo…

  8. 8.

    Egypt Steve

    February 7, 2011 at 9:03 am

    @gbear: You can’t possibly be surprised. Snark, right? The *last* thing that the teatards in Texas would know are the actual words to the National Anthem, any more than they know any other actual facts about American history or government.

  9. 9.

    JPL

    February 7, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Only Murdoch would try to make the Super Bowl the most patriotic day of the year….
    Sad.

  10. 10.

    Sly

    February 7, 2011 at 9:06 am

    They should have had Enrico Pallazzo sing it.

  11. 11.

    Draylon Hogg

    February 7, 2011 at 9:07 am

    She got a line in a song wrong who cares? I know the first two lines of God Save the Queen and nowt else.

    At least she didn’t show any nipple so America can sleep soundly in its bed tonight knowing that nobody had to be exposed to the soul corrupting spectacle of a female breast.

    Unless they’ve got HBO where they can watch that redhead riding Steve Buscemi on Boardwalk Empire stark bollock naked.

  12. 12.

    salacious crumb

    February 7, 2011 at 9:07 am

    thats the problem. this somewhat cuteish kid never had any talents and played skank for MTV, and once she had outlived her usefulness and made way for the next skank, it was just downhill for her from there

  13. 13.

    Southern Beale

    February 7, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Leave ExTina aloooooooooooone……..

  14. 14.

    Southern Beale

    February 7, 2011 at 9:09 am

    @JPL:

    Uh no, that would be St. Ronnie’s 100th birthday … saw some clips of it on the news this a.m., Lee Greenwood singing “Proud To Be An American” in front of a gigantic picture of Ronnie with a red white and blue backdrop. It was like Stephen Colbert-level flag-waving jingoism but, ya know, not satire.

    Hurl.

  15. 15.

    Violet

    February 7, 2011 at 9:10 am

    I never understood her appeal. So she can hold notes for a long time, with lots of runs and vibrato. What’s so great about that?

  16. 16.

    Legalize

    February 7, 2011 at 9:11 am

    I thought it was pretty funny that we had to go outside the stadium to see the obligatory fighter-jet flyover. And seeing Ashton Kutcher sitting behind W in Jerrah’s box was soul-crushing in a way. Was there ever a single crowd shot? I don’t remember any; that struck me as odd. The whole Super Bowl TV product felt so lazy and stupid this year – like a million people sat in a room and compromised away any single element that might have been entertaining to watch.

  17. 17.

    stuckinred

    February 7, 2011 at 9:12 am

    In the 1998 Music City Bowl Larry Carlton of Steely Dan fame played a free-form National Anthem that was not quite Hendrix but pretty wild. The game pitted Va Tech and Bama, not exactly hotbeds of experimental music. As soon as he started I looked at my wife and said “these people are going to go nuts”. They couldn’t boo the NA but as soon as he finished the Hokie Band broke into an A Capella rendition that brought the house down. The Hokies beat the Tide and 90% of the postgame call-in’s were Bama fans screaming about that commie guitar player!

  18. 18.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 7, 2011 at 9:13 am

    @Legalize:The game itself was one of the better ones, not just because the Packers won.

  19. 19.

    stuckinred

    February 7, 2011 at 9:15 am

    @Violet: Hidden talents?

  20. 20.

    Cacti

    February 7, 2011 at 9:15 am

    When you screw up the words, it makes all that “look at me” vibrato seem extra obnoxious.

  21. 21.

    stuckinred

    February 7, 2011 at 9:18 am

    @Omnes Omnibus: A team with the ball and a chance to win on the last possession is all one can ask!

  22. 22.

    Luthe

    February 7, 2011 at 9:18 am

    @Violet: I have to respect her because that’s her natural voice, not some shit that’s been auto-tuned within an inch of its life (Katy Perry, I’m looking at you). If I have to listen to a pop star, I’d prefer one that can sing worth a damn.

  23. 23.

    Legalize

    February 7, 2011 at 9:18 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Except that everyone knew it was over at half time.

  24. 24.

    Rosalita

    February 7, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Christina’s been looking like a freakazoid on and off for years now. It’s a shame, she’s an attractive girl. Good pipes, regardless.

  25. 25.

    stuckinred

    February 7, 2011 at 9:20 am

    @Southern Beale: Does not, “stand up next to you and defender STILL again today” imply that you once did? Fucking draft dodger.

  26. 26.

    Zifnab

    February 7, 2011 at 9:21 am

    @Legalize:

    The whole Super Bowl TV product felt so lazy and stupid this year – like a million people sat in a room and compromised away any single element that might have been entertaining to watch.

    Seriously? Cause I was watching the football game, and that part was highly entertaining.

    I mean, I thought the whole “I love God, the Constitution, and my sweet apple pie!” tribute was fairly nauseating. But I don’t watch football for the patriotic spectacle anyway.

  27. 27.

    stuckinred

    February 7, 2011 at 9:21 am

    @Legalize: Everyone who doesn’t know shit from shinola.

  28. 28.

    Zifnab

    February 7, 2011 at 9:23 am

    @Legalize: The Steelers got the ball back in the last two minutes and could definitely have made a big final drive if the Packers defense got sloppy.

    I think you turned the TV off too soon.

  29. 29.

    Legalize

    February 7, 2011 at 9:26 am

    @Zifnab:
    And the Steelers could definitely have won if they didn’t lose the turnover battle 0 to 3.

  30. 30.

    Phyllis

    February 7, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I was tickled by the players who were giving each other sideways looks as if to say ‘I don’t think that’s right? Does that sound right to you?’.

  31. 31.

    Butch

    February 7, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Generally I think whoever lines up the entertainment for the Super Bowl needs to find another line of work. Cristina was awful, but I didn’t think the Black Eyed Peas were any better.

  32. 32.

    Tokyokie

    February 7, 2011 at 9:38 am

    I think Christina got beauty tips from her Burlesque co-star. And I’m really glad I didn’t watch TV until 10 minutes before kickoff and slept through the halftime show.

  33. 33.

    Phyllis

    February 7, 2011 at 9:41 am

    @Butch: Oh my that was some serious suckitude. And I was glued to it, much the way one finds oneself glued to ‘Honey’ or ‘Showgirls’.

  34. 34.

    Svensker

    February 7, 2011 at 9:41 am

    @Matt:

    Oh, it wasn’t just that. It was also the Great Depression, MLK Jr., JFK, the Challenger, and 9/11, among others.

    Plus Bono! That great American hero!

    All this uber “patriotic” shit attached to the SB makes me ill. Do we really have to have fascism in order to watch the greatest sport in the universe?

  35. 35.

    Commenting at Balloon Juice since 1937

    February 7, 2011 at 9:49 am

    I didn’t see it but heard it replayed on the radio this morning. I assumed she had taken performance advice from the Snowbilly. Words, and their order, no longer matter

  36. 36.

    Phil Perspective

    February 7, 2011 at 9:52 am

    @GMF: First, she had a kid a year or two ago. And she breast-feeds. So that settles the Dolly Parton part. The Joan Rivers part? I don’t know other than if the makeup person goes overboard because of HDTV or something. Sometimes, less is better.

  37. 37.

    MsSkwEsq

    February 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Wow, I didn’t know my Baloon Juice co-commenters were so mean! So what if she messed up, she isn’t the first to do so and won’t be the last. I know I would never be able to face that big a crowd and have the ability to make any sound at all except my knees knocking…

  38. 38.

    Jager

    February 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Anyone notice all the mic fuck ups during the Black Eyed Peas performance? It was bad, very bad. What was with the 35 sec version of “Sweet Child of Mine”? What a mess!

    One more thing, when Jerry Jones got his teeth capped did he order xxxl caps? He’s got a set of teeth like Trigger!

  39. 39.

    Rob

    February 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    She gained weight after her marriage collapsed. It happens. Add in the fact that without makeup she is near albino in complexion.

  40. 40.

    Butch

    February 7, 2011 at 9:54 am

    @Phyllis: I was in the kitchen making a batch of honey wings so I was drifting in and out. It made the experience somewhat less painful.

  41. 41.

    Zifnab

    February 7, 2011 at 9:54 am

    @Legalize: Well, yes. But it was still a live game until that 3rd turnover.

  42. 42.

    Draylon Hogg

    February 7, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Bono? Lecturing us all about reducing our carbon footprint whilst he flies his fucking hat around the world in business class.

  43. 43.

    Ash Can

    February 7, 2011 at 10:03 am

    @MsSkwEsq: She makes her living facing crowds like that on a regular basis. She certainly ought to be able to handle the national anthem.

  44. 44.

    psycholinguist

    February 7, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Hey, Ya’ll leave Dolly Parton the fuck out of this. That woman is GOLD.

  45. 45.

    Admiral_Komack

    February 7, 2011 at 10:27 am

    “What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming.”

    -I can understand why Dan Choi is upset…

  46. 46.

    HRA

    February 7, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Spotted the players doing their best not to frown deeply when she made the mistakes. The best Super Bowl rendition of our anthem was sung by Whitney Houston. No one else has come close to it.
    I muted the half time show until the dancers in white suits came on. They were awesome.
    Best commercial was the Darth Vader little boy.
    It was a good game. Some Super Bowl games I have seen were very boring.

  47. 47.

    El Cid

    February 7, 2011 at 10:44 am

    @Svensker:

    Do we really have to have fascism in order to watch the greatest sport in the universe?

    Really? That is what makes it the greaterest!

    The real problem is that our society lacks the sort of organization and discipline and intellectual property rights management and the simultaneous choreographed movements of thousands that the SuperBowl exhibits.

    The Chinese may be capable of nearly all of those, but does anyone recall being awed by Chinese commercials during the Olympics?

    I thought not.

  48. 48.

    I have issues with Baltimore

    February 7, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Folks! She did that on purpose to remind us all of the great, late Leslie Nielson!

  49. 49.

    ThresherK

    February 7, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Is there any shame in having the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner in front of you? I think not.

    That aside, does Aguilera really have the ability to stretch out a performance of the anthem for what seemed like five minutes? As a hack singer myself, I’ve always thought it took more talent to sing a song slowly than regular speed.

    BTW: I had no idea the Superbowl was on par with the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima.

    Yeah, it’s been a bit “Triumph-des-Willens”ey since the First Gulf War, and the Reagan hagiography just piled it on.

  50. 50.

    I have issues with Baltimore

    February 7, 2011 at 11:00 am

    @Legalize: You should’ve seen the camera work for the Puppy Bowl this year. Somehow they forgot to edit out the beginning of one puppy taking a crap. And during the kitty half-time show, they kept cutting away from the kittens who were actually playing to show us the kittens who were freaked out and hiding along the walls. And why no dachshunds this year?

  51. 51.

    Mike in NC

    February 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

    At least she wasn’t asked to sing the Declaration of Independence.

  52. 52.

    eastriver

    February 7, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Yes, but that’s not the point, JC. The point is that the Steelers (hysterical laughter) LOST!!!

    HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

  53. 53.

    ThresherK

    February 7, 2011 at 11:32 am

    @I have issues with Baltimore: It’s like they put a pile of puppies there and a few toys and expect them to play with each other (fine–that’s what puppies do), and then separately do the same with cats and kittens and expect them to immediately do the same. Odd from a channel that’s all about animals.

  54. 54.

    Nicole

    February 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Come on, enunciation has never been her strong point:

    Ain’t No Weather Man

  55. 55.

    b-psycho

    February 7, 2011 at 11:51 am

    @Draylon Hogg: She would’ve been vastly more useful taking after the latter example.

    As sick of the flag-waving pageantry as I am, it would’ve made a nicer gesture to the military folks there if instead of singing she’d just randomly picked a uniformed dude & rode him to the promised land. Put THAT on yer jumbotron, Jerry…

  56. 56.

    piratedan

    February 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    hey she goofed on the national stage and kept a brave face up and struggled through it. So yeah, there’s gonna be a bit of schadenfrude about that. All in all, this is a big black eye for Dallas, Texas and Jerruh Jones and the NFL. The city was unprepared for the weather, the stadium seating snafu, the screwup during the anthem and the halftime show, the field conditions and the jingoistic handling of the mother network over the SB product (TY BillO, you farkin’ asshat). Of all things, while the city/state preparedness was getting exposed by the weather, Governor Perry was in California during the biggest sporting event of the year in his home state, WTF?

    It was nice that the game was competitive and the teams handled themselves with professionalism in victoy and defeat.

  57. 57.

    El Cruzado

    February 7, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    I think we’re all losing sight of the True Meaning of the Superbowl here.

  58. 58.

    gene108

    February 7, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    @salacious crumb:

    thats the problem. this somewhat cuteish kid never had any talents and played skank for MTV, and once she had outlived her usefulness and made way for the next skank, it was just downhill for her from there

    Aguillera is a good singer. She can get by with her voice and a dedicating following, sort of like Annie Lenox has done post-Eurythmics.

    She tried to hard to put her “stamp” on the national I guess and failed miserably.

  59. 59.

    AAA Bonds

    February 7, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Hey, she should’ve known the words to the song she was singing, even if most of the viewers, boosters, team members, coaches, celebrities, etc. didn’t, because our national anthem is practically un-sing-able. BUT.

    The reason you haven’t heard about Aguilera is that while, say, Britney Spears has made her living off of being an unstable weirdo, Aguilera is talented and well-adjusted enough to have transitioned into a lower-key career as a more traditional soul singer.

    As in, my mom now buys all the new Christina Aguilera albums on iTunes the day they’re released (my mom’s an alto and a section leader in the city choir, so, naturally).

    I think the criticism of her looks you’re leveling is actually a result of Aguilera aging, combined with the higher standards of sexual attractiveness that you and other men expect from female performers.

    Frankly, John, you’re being sexist, and not very fair.

  60. 60.

    cckids

    February 7, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Was I really the only person reminded of the Simpson’s episode with the extended Star Spangled Banner?

  61. 61.

    fasteddie9318

    February 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Really, there’s nothing wrong with her appearance that dialing back from ’11’ to about ‘5’ on the makeup scale wouldn’t fix. She’s an attractive girl when she doesn’t look like the Joker.

  62. 62.

    Bubblegum Tate

    February 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Chrissy Aggie has always been annoying, but she went batshit a while back and has stayed that way. I’m just glad she got DJ Premier some of that pop tart money before bottoming out. Primo deserves it, and he cooked up some hot tracks for her.

  63. 63.

    matoko_chan

    February 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    c’mon Cole, she did it on purpose.
    America’s sun is setting, and the whole world is getting that vibe.

  64. 64.

    Cris

    February 7, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    I saw Lacy J. Dalton make what I consider the canonical Star Spangled Banner fuckup:

    Whose broad stripes and bright stars
    Through the perilous fight
    Gave proof through the night
    That our flag was still there

    You do that one, and you know by the middle of the third line that you’ve gone off the rails and over the cliff.

  65. 65.

    I have issues with Baltimore

    February 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    @ThresherK: Yes, that’s exactly what all my cat friends said. Those kittens were overstimulated, so they didn’t do anything (much like Colbert’s Christiane Aman-purr). Of course, if they didn’t have anything there, the kittens would all probably just lay down and nap, which, as I was informed, would be just as entertaining to watch as the puppies playing with each other.

  66. 66.

    Gopher2b

    February 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    I think she us starting to look a lot like Cyndi Lauper a la 1985ish. The game was excellent, everything else was terrible except the Darth Vader and finger sucking Doritos commercial.

    Speaking of reaming, how would you like to be the guy that botched the seating situation. Who the f waits until game day to finish installing those?!?

  67. 67.

    Tsulagi

    February 7, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Ms. Aguilera belted out, “What so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming.”

    Guess she’s a Packer’s fan and had a vision of the Steelers’ fate in the end.

    Saw her in the movie Burlesque. Surprisingly not a half bad actress. Great voice in the movie.

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