• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

We still have time to mess this up!

An almost top 10,000 blog!

Let there be snark.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Infrastructure week. at last.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

The revolution will be supervised.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Mobile Menu

  • Winnable House Races
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • Balloon Juice 2023 Pet Calendar (coming soon)
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • War in Ukraine
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • 2021-22 Fundraising!
You are here: Home / The best defense

The best defense

by DougJ|  February 11, 201112:52 pm| 54 Comments

This post is in: Good News For Conservatives

FacebookTweetEmail

An interesting story from Dolphin Kazoo:

Two years ago, a judge appointed me to represent a man accused of aggravated assault. We don’t have a public defender in our county, we have an appointment system. Experienced attorneys get assigned indigent persons and submit a bill to the county after the case is over.

Well. the trial is over and this was the result:

Headline should have read: Tea Partyer Gets 8 years for Attacking Obama Supporter, Despite Efforts of His Liberal Blogger Lawyer. That’s right, I had to defend this tea partyer, who destroyed the nose of an Obama supporter with a pool cue.

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « I’ve decided that spring is a bore
Next Post: I Fundamentally Don’t Understand Libertarianism »

Reader Interactions

54Comments

  1. 1.

    Legalize

    February 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    This is easily disposed of:

    Well, obviously the Patriot only got 8 years, because his liberal lawyer sabotaged him.

    The end.

  2. 2.

    jeffreyw

    February 11, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Best diet is to eat only from the top of the pile.

  3. 3.

    Aaron

    February 11, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    I can’t believe there is a public option in the legal system. I think we should just let the free market decide who is innocent and guilty.

  4. 4.

    Jay in Oregon

    February 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Obviously it was the fault of his liberal hippie defense lawyer for not doing a good enough job, and not the fault of the fucking asshole defendant who broke some guy’s nose with a pool cue.

  5. 5.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    anyone else assume that Dolphin Kazoo was a Peggy Noonan Watch-type blog? I just assumed that Herself had quaffed half a bottle of Jameson and spewed out some cotton-candy prose arguing that the Egyptians were inspired by the Centennial of Teh Reagan.

  6. 6.

    thomas Levenson

    February 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    @Aaron: FTW!

  7. 7.

    shortstop

    February 11, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    The Tea Party is about freedom, small government and low taxes, not breaking people’s noses with pool cues. Obviously the defendant was a liberal plant.

  8. 8.

    shortstop

    February 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    @Aaron: Magnificent.

  9. 9.

    Moonbatman

    February 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    Stupid Teabagger Redneck.
    Who does he think he is? One of the Jena 6.
    You should only sucker punch and kick a stupid hick with tennis shoes so he can attend a dance that night to prove he was faking his injuries.

  10. 10.

    Dr. Squid

    February 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    I just want to know what that broken image actually looks like.

  11. 11.

    JGabriel

    February 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Dolphin Kazoo:

    Tea Partyer Gets 8 years for Attacking Obama Supporter

    I’m shocked. Did Dolphin Kazoo even try the He deserved it! He was a hippy commie libtard muslim traitor who voted for a black man! defense? Cause that should have been a shoo-in for acquittal.

    .

  12. 12.

    Zifnab

    February 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Headline should have read: Tea Partyer Gets 8 years for Attacking Obama Supporter, Despite Efforts of His Liberal Blogger Lawyer. That’s right, I had to defend this tea partyer, who destroyed the nose of an Obama supporter with a pool cue.

    Fucking soci alism.

    Edit: This got blocked when I first typed it. Two words, and the S-word is the offensive one. /facedesk.

  13. 13.

    Zifnab

    February 11, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    @Moonbatman:

    You should only sucker punch and kick a stupid hick with tennis shoes so he can attend a dance that night to prove he was faking his injuries.

    I see you’ve become confused (again).
    Conservatives sucker punch.
    Liberals have hippie flower parties and LSD-fueled protest orgies in your honor.

  14. 14.

    Malraux

    February 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Oddly enough, yes.

  15. 15.

    Linda Binda

    February 11, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    I think Brian Nichols also “benefited” from the appointment system, so to speak, even if the trial itself took forever to start off due to having to change the judges, due to initial lack of funding of the program, and even if Nichols didn’t stand a chance in Hell of NOT being found Guilty for killing that judge and that U.S. Marshal. Also, my mother works at the Fulton County Superior Court in the fiscal wing, so I was stuck worrying about her that day, too. She was far and away from there, so she was fine — too bad about the others.

    It’s one of those little things that make me proud to be a lifetime metro Atlanta resident. :)

    Also, today’s my birthday, and along with Mubarak’s resignation, today’s becoming interesting indeed (to make it all about me, of course ;) )

  16. 16.

    kth

    February 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    @Legalize: yes, but sadly there are no public defenders in Galt’s Gulch.

  17. 17.

    New Yorker

    February 11, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    We don’t have a public defender in our county, we have an appointment system. Experienced attorneys get assigned indigent persons and submit a bill to the county after the case is over.

    All snark aside, this actually sounds like a good idea. Rather than have the same overworked, underpaid attorney represent every poor schmuck who can’t pay, rotate the assignment to different highly skilled lawyers.

  18. 18.

    Downpuppy

    February 11, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    8 years for an assault that didn’t even put the guy in the hospital is ridiculous.

    And not exactly a surprise.

  19. 19.

    Aaron

    February 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    @kth:

    Well of course not, “public” is a dirty, dirty word. So dirty that it greases that slippery slope that eventually leads toward soci alism/communism/jihadism/whatever the right wing strawman of the day is.

  20. 20.

    Chyron HR

    February 11, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    @Downpuppy:

    I guess “don’t beat people with pool cues” is an evil “rule of man” rather than a noble “rule of law”. Who knew?

  21. 21.

    AdrianLesher

    February 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    i’m a public defender with progressive politics. A defense attorney’s first loyalty is to his client, and it looks as if that loyalty was breached here. To hear any person involved in indigent defense whining in public about how they “had” to defend a client they didn’t like is disturbing. If I were the defendant here, I would argue that my attorney intentionally underperformed out of ideological motivation and personal distaste.

  22. 22.

    EconWatcher

    February 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    I guess I’d want to know more about the physical damage done (does destroyed nose just mean broken nose, or something else?) On its face, 8 years in the Big House sounds like an awful lot for a battery, especially given what prison too often entails. Just sayin’.

  23. 23.

    Bubblegum Tate

    February 11, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    @Aaron:

    The Internet, she is yours.

  24. 24.

    EconWatcher

    February 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Also what AdrianLesher said. You don’t publicly disparage your own client, no matter who he is. This lawyer has no class and doesn’t understand his professional obligations very well.

  25. 25.

    asiangrrlMN

    February 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    @Linda Binda: Happy birthday!

    @JGabriel: I assume you’re snarking, but he mentioned that he did not because you can’t use that kind of defense in a trial.

  26. 26.

    catclub

    February 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I would guess that the lawyer who posted this is not much smarter than the ones who got fired for making anti-immigrant, anti native american statements inArizona, and then found out their law firm represented _those_ people.

    This may turn out to be a ‘open your mouth and remove all doubt’ experience.

    Which is to say I am both slower and les eloquent that Adrian Lesher @ 20

  27. 27.

    me

    February 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    @EconWatcher: I don’t see where he attacked his client. Seems like he just patted himself on the back a bit “See how good a person I am by defending someone who attacked a supporter of a president I like”.

  28. 28.

    lllphd

    February 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    sheez, what an exercise in, um, duty. (and yes, please read into that every nuance you can imagine.)

    8 years? and scanlon gets 20 months and 300 hours of community service?

    there is, despite your valiant efforts, no justice in the world.

  29. 29.

    Mattminus

    February 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    @EconWatcher:

    Would hitting someone in the face with a bat be no big deal, because it’s effectively the same thing.

  30. 30.

    EconWatcher

    February 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    me:

    “I had to defend this tea partyer, who destroyed the nose of an Obama supporter with a pool cue.”

    Does this sound like someone who is a zealous and loyal advocate for the defendant? Because that’s what he’s required to be.

  31. 31.

    EconWatcher

    February 11, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Mattminus:

    Where did I say it was no big deal? I said eight years in prison sounded excessive, unless I misunderstood the amount of damage done. In many states, if you send someone to prison for 8 years, you’re basically writing off the rest of their life, because of the atrocities we allow to go on in prisons.

  32. 32.

    Dr. Squid

    February 11, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    @EconWatcher: Since you weren’t actually there to witness the proceedings, you don’t know, but you’ll whine about it anyway.

  33. 33.

    Mojotron

    February 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Does this sound like someone who is a zealous and loyal advocate for the defendant? Because that’s what he’s required to be.

    he has to be a zealous advocate for the guy in court, not in blogs and chat rooms. I’m no lawyer but unless you have some actual evidence that he did a half-assed job or screwed something up there’s no grounds for ineffective counsel here- saying “my client is no angel” or “I may find my client’s beliefs odious but….” doesn’t get penalized.

  34. 34.

    numbskull

    February 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    @New Yorker: Actually, an appointment system can be a very, very bad idea if done wrong (and typically they are done wrong). In many states, the judge appoints the defense attorney. This can lead to some pretty poor choices, well-documented over the decades (attorneys falling asleep or drunk in court, attorneys with no criminal trial experience or desire for such being appointed, nepotistic appointments, etc.). There’s a long, sordid history of the appointment system failing in many states.

    In GA, happily contrary to what Dolphin Kazoo wrote, each county does have a Public Defender Office. Some PD offices farm out the cases to private attorneys, other county PD offices are fully staffed with in-house attorneys, and only conflict cases get appointed out. Overall this system works much better than the bad ol’ days of judge-appointed attorneys.

    However, even within this system, usually the best courtroom defense attorneys are staff public defenders as they are in court trying cases a lot, they know all the players in their system (judges, clerks, prosecutors, police, sheriff deputies, etc.) and can work around and/or with them to get better deals or mount better defenses than typical appointed private attorneys. Plus, the costs are lower. In the Atlanta metro area, the major counties are Fulton, DeKalb, Gwinnett, and Cobb. The first two have in-house staff, the latter two farm out to appointees. Rank order of expense per case is Cobb>Gwinnett>>Fulton>Dekalb, and DeKalb has the best win rate.

    Can any one private attorney be better than a PD? Of course. I’m sure that DK, recent loss notwithstanding, is excellent. And though it’s from another life in another galaxy far away and long ago, I knew several outstanding defense attorneys in private practice who did great work when appointed to indigent cases and I’m sure that that holds true now. But overall, day in and day out, the winningest record resides with the PD offices, at least in major metro areas.

    I know, I know, opposite to everything you’ve been told…

  35. 35.

    EconWatcher

    February 11, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Mojotron: With all due respect, if you’re not a lawyer, I guess I’m not sure why you’re offering your opinion on legal ethics, which are covered by rules and codes. Disparaging a former client is generally a no-no, in part because it could create at least an appearance that the lawyer did not provide zealous representation. Think about it: If you were on your way to jail and read a blog in which your lawyer says he “had” to represent you because of a forced appointment, and then describes your crime in prosecutorial terms, would you feel entirely confident that you just got his best effort? That doesn’t mean you’d win a claim of ineffective representation, but it would give you reasonable cause to question whether you got it.

  36. 36.

    Downpuppy

    February 11, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    @Chyron HR: There’s a mighty big gap between “No problem” & 8 years. The rather harsh federal guidelines for aggravated assault with injury are level 17, which is 2-4 years depending on criminal history. In Europe, it would be much less. I’m thinking Dolphin made a big mistake putting TPers on the jury instead of gentle souls.

  37. 37.

    JD Rhoades

    February 11, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    @numbskull:

    We have court appointment of private attorneys in criminal cases, but the judge has to appoint the next lawyer on the list who doesn’t have a conflict, e.g. already representing a co-defendant.

    Fortunately, we have a pretty collegial criminal bar, and older attorneys are generally good about offering advice and being a sounding board for the newbies. Works pretty well, especially since we have two of the best criminal lawyers in the State on the list–one of them literally wrote (well, co wrote) the book on North Carolina Criminal procedure.

    So yeah, an appointed system can be a disaster, but it can also work.

  38. 38.

    wenchacha

    February 11, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Should it be the extent of injuries or the potential of the weapon? A robbery with an empty gun still gets me more years in stir. Same for hauling around bombs in shoes and underpants that never hurt anybody but the wearer.

    Eight years is a bitch, no question. Maybe even excessive. So are a lot of sentences for marijuana use.

    Judicial system is not all that fair, especially if you can’t pay for a really great lawyer. (no offense, Dolphin Kazoo)

  39. 39.

    celticdragonchick

    February 11, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    @EconWatcher:

    I’m not sure that your argument is holding water, though.

    The attack seems have taken place in public, so there was no doubt that the convicted party did, indeed, smash another person’s face over a political argument, and the self defense argument did not wash with the jury. I don’t see where his statements were particularly prejudicial towards his clients case. You are not obligated to like your clients or agree with them.

  40. 40.

    Roger Moore

    February 11, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    @EconWatcher:

    In many states, if you send someone to prison for 8 years, you’re basically writing off the rest of their life, because of the atrocities we allow to go on in prisons.

    And the way we treat people when they get out of prison. Ex-cons get treated like shit when trying to get jobs, which naturally means they’ll be much more likely to need to do something illegal to make ends meet and get thrown back in prison for doing so. The only people who enhance their job prospects as ex-cons are members of organized crime and recipients of wingnut welfare. But I repeat myself.

  41. 41.

    someofparts

    February 11, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Just saw another link about this story at Crooks at Liars where specfic information about the location was provided. You are right up the road from me in Atlanta. Lovely.

  42. 42.

    celticdragonchick

    February 11, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    @wenchacha:

    Weapons charges can be really weird. My brother got in trouble in California for having a police baton in the back of his car, and the charge (and penalty) were exactly the same as if he had been carrying a machine gun.

  43. 43.

    celticdragonchick

    February 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    @Roger Moore:

    Yes. You cannot get any financial aid for school, so getting a degree of any sort is out if you have a felony conviction. The system makes money by keeping you in, and it is constructed to be a trap that keeps pulling you back inside no matter what you do.

  44. 44.

    numbskull

    February 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    @JD Rhoades: Oh, absolutely agreed. Why, some of my best friends are court-appionted attorneys. :)

    I was painting with a broad brush based on experiences from my youth (but also on fairly contemporary problems in many states that still use what I think of as the “old” appointment system).

  45. 45.

    Mojotron

    February 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    @EconWatcher: with all due respect I assume that you are a lawyer because you basically agree with me on the facts and the law, yet you’re pounding the table arguing about the defendant’s feelings. Saying “I had to defend so-and-so” doesn’t count as disparagement and in my opinion, doesn’t give the appearance of impropriety. I’ve been in court when a defense attorney has used the “my client is no angel” line, does that give the appearance of impropriety?

  46. 46.

    Mojotron

    February 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    PS- I would be livid if I found out that this guy pulled a “Cape Fear” and didn’t give him a real defense because he found his views odious; I just don’t see that at all in the post.

  47. 47.

    D. Mason

    February 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    @Roger Moore: Don’t forget rappers.

  48. 48.

    pookapooka

    February 11, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    @Zifnab:

    I’m sure you meant to write — I had to “defend” (winkwinknudgenudge) this tea partyer …

  49. 49.

    Linda Binda

    February 11, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    @asiangrrlMN Thank you. :) I’m 27. Shall I bust out a cane, yet?

    Considering EconWatcher’s general point, and the fact that now Crooks and Liars has seen his post, why do I get the feeling that this might blow up into something bad? Blargh.

  50. 50.

    kth

    February 11, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    The cited post identified the locale as suburban ATL. That’s simply not a place where it is possible for a defendant, at least of sub-O.J. financial means, to get justice, so the discussion of his lawyer’s ethics is pretty moot.

  51. 51.

    TEL

    February 11, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I read both the original news story and the blog post:

    1. The news story said that the victim was hospitalized for 5 days.

    2. The blog post said that the victim refused treatment to patch his nose back together because he didn’t have insurance and couldn’t pay for it.

    3. Both the newspaper and the blog post said that pictures of his injury were horrific, and were largely responsible for the jury’s findings.

    4. The blog post mentions that the lawyer got his client a plea bargain for a substantially smaller sentence than the 8 years he ended up with in court. I’m assuming the guy turned the plea bargain down, which reduces my sympathy for the guy, and makes me think the lawyer didn’t do all that bad of a job.

  52. 52.

    burnspbesq

    February 11, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    @AdrianLesher:

    “i’m a public defender with progressive politics. A defense attorney’s first loyalty is to his client, and it looks as if that loyalty was breached here. To hear any person involved in indigent defense whining in public about how they “had” to defend a client they didn’t like is disturbing. If I were the defendant here, I would argue that my attorney intentionally underperformed out of ideological motivation and personal distaste.”

    Bull, twice over.

    First, there is nothing in the public record that can be fairly read as supporting an allegation that there was a failure to zealously represent the defendant.

    Second, if you’re a real PD you know that what you are suggesting is a stone loser. Ineffective-assistance claims are about the most uphill battle there is. I do international tax, and even I know that.

    It is in the nature of an assignment system that good lawyers end up representing people they think are scum. We still do our best, and your suggestion that we tank because we don’t like our clients is outrageous and deeply offensive. Early in my career, I was appointed to represent a woman who was trying to regain custody of her kid after getting out of prison. She was a heroin addict who went in for possession, and probably was back on the stuff within 48 hours of her release. She showed up for the hearing wasted. I still did everything I knew how to do to get her custody of her kid, but fortunately the hearing officer could see what was happening right in front of her, and made the right decision in spite of my brilliant performance.

  53. 53.

    Mattminus

    February 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    @celticdragonchick:

    In fairness, no job that requires a degree is going to hire you if you have a felony conviction. In many cases, this seems pretty reasonable. Given a choice of qualified candidates, I’d prefer the one that doesn’t have a history of hurting people given that I’m going to be breaking his balls in a high pressure environment.

  54. 54.

    Chuck Butcher

    February 11, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Having been defended in a bullshit case by a lawyer appointed by the Clerk of Courts office from a list and squashing it, I’ll not throw a rock at any PD. Yes, he started off real doubtful about me. When he dug into it and found out there was nothing that changed, but he did the good work prior to that change.

    The actual happy ending is that the mess ended the jobs of those involved in this horseshit – public employees including the Ast. DA. (retired, transferred, not renewed covers that ending)

    *furious is a mild word for my attitude during this mess

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

2023 Pet Calendars

Pet Calendar Preview: A
Pet Calendar Preview: B

*Calendars can not be ordered until Cafe Press gets their calendar paper in.

Recent Comments

  • JPL on Saturday Morning Open Thread: Human Rights & Human Dignity (Jan 28, 2023 @ 5:48pm)
  • Geminid on War for Ukraine Day 337: International Holocaust Remembrance Day Amidst Another Genocidal War in Europe (Jan 28, 2023 @ 5:44pm)
  • LiminalOwl on Acts of Kindness: Missed Connections Not So Missed (Jan 28, 2023 @ 5:40pm)
  • LiminalOwl on Acts of Kindness: Missed Connections Not So Missed (Jan 28, 2023 @ 5:36pm)
  • LiminalOwl on Acts of Kindness: Missed Connections Not So Missed (Jan 28, 2023 @ 5:35pm)

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
We All Need A Little Kindness
Favorite Dogs & Cats
Classified Documents: A Primer

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup

Front-pager Twitter

John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
TaMara
David Anderson
ActualCitizensUnited

Shop Amazon via this link to support Balloon Juice   

Join the Fight!

Join the Fight Signup Form
All Join the Fight Posts

Balloon Juice Events

5/14  The Apocalypse
5/20  Home Away from Home
5/29  We’re Back, Baby
7/21  Merging!

Balloon Juice for Ukraine

Donate

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!