Another very strange ad, for ProFlowers.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.
Technically true, but collectively nonsense
Nothing worth doing is easy.
Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll
Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.
JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?
“Squeaker” McCarthy
Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.
Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.
If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.
Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.
Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?
We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.
The GOP couldn’t organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a fist full of 50s.
A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals
Accountability, motherfuckers.
Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.
Republicans don’t trust women.
Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.
This has so much WTF written all over it that it is hard to comprehend.
It’s the corruption, stupid.
Let’s finish the job.
When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?
“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!
You are here: Home / True romance
Comrade Mary
Those aren’t flowers. They’re the mutilated sex organs of various plants that died shrieking in terror at their fate.
Roberto
Hahaha. Just perfect.
Mnemosyne
That guy looks creepily like Rush Limbaugh.
Kryptik
If your Wife/Girlfriend/Crush finds it charming or romantic to be delivered or given flowers by Rush Limbaugh, either you both are crazy or you need to find a new Wife/Girlfriend/Crush.
freelancer
Fuck. I used them this year, but at least my ad kickback went to Marc Maron and not Rush.
Woodrowfan
nothing about “for your underage Dominican boy toy”???
BGinCHI
The Oxycontin Bouquet, the gift that keeps on giving.
The Dangerman
What was Daryn Kagan possibly thinking (former Rush GF)?
morzer
Sweet Baby Tebow on the Cross in the Endzone! DougJ, are you trying to drive good people to drink? Damnit, I’m a Dolphins fan, haven’t I suffered enough already?
dmsilev
To be accurate, shouldn’t there be panels for one’s first through fourth wives?
dms
Mnemosyne
Silly me, I didn’t think there was any way that Proflowers could be so tasteless as to actually use thrice-divorced Rush Limbaugh as their spokesman for romance, so I thought it was an impersonator.
That’s what I get for underestimating the American corporation.
On the other hand, I’m guessing that the ad is just a portrayal of many of Limbaugh’s Valentine’s Days as he tried to keep wife, mistress, and future mistress pacified.
dmsilev
And why is he wearing a doctor’s jacket in the first panel? Is that supposed to mean that he’s married to his pill bottle?
dms
Cacti
For your first
beardmarriage.For your second
beardmarriage.For your third
beardmarriage.For your fourth
beardmarriage.cleek
@The Dangerman:
“Ka-Ching!”
RossInDetroit
Rush should be holding a bouquet of benjamins. I don’t think flowers are going to do the trick.
Omnes Omnibus
WTF?
Warren Terra
The best part is the package deal: buy a bouquet for your wife and one for your girlfriend, get one for your crush for free!
(Or is it buy one for your wife, one for your girlfriend, and one for your crush, get a free one for your other crush?)
Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
Yeah, because when I’m wondering how best to do something nice for my wife, the first thing I ask myself is “What would Rush Limbaugh do?”
Omnes Omnibus
@Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.): And then you do the opposite?
dmsilev
@Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.): I trust that your next action is to do the opposite of whatever Rush recommends?
ETA: great minds think alike…
BGinCHI
Echo, echo….
Warren Terra
@Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):
He has the superior experience – how many times have you been married? How many Caribbean islands have you visited while carrying a bargain-bin sized tub of boehner pills?
Ann B. Nonymous
I think I have a headache. All the ad needs is that jowly animated gif of Limbaugh in his open black shirt, looking for all the world like a participant at a Nazi-era swing club.
licensed to kill time
Send flowers…for when Hillbilly Heroin isn’t enough.
freelancer
@Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):
Depends, is your wife a minority?
“Happy VaRentinez aDay, Ching Chong Ching Chong Ching Chong! I wrove you!”
You see, it’s “satire”. Cause he’s an “entertainer”.
Mnemosyne
I will admit that I have a secret affection for those stupid Kay Jewelers commercials that they run 24/7 in the run-up to Valentine’s Day. They at least seem to acknowledge some kind of reality, like, hey, deaf people have boyfriends, too!
Lincolnshire Poacher
Someone has to cash in on celebrity conservatives with all the power and money they bring to the table. With Representative Lee and all I am surprised there is not mistress or fling. And be honest when was the last time a poor person gave you a job?
Linda Featheringill
@Cacti:
Are you trying to say that his wives have only been beards?
Allan
Maybe they’re going for the contrast effect? Compared to Rush Limbaugh, every man is George Clooney.
Little Boots
Nothing says romance like thrice divorced asshat.
(And did somebody put Rush Limbaugh and George Clooney in the same sentence? Blasphemy!!????1111)
shortstop
This ad is brilliant, self-deprecating humor. In one moment of moxie, it sells flowers and sassily mocks the Victorian liberal obsession with fidelity and family values. “I reject your staid and anachronistic notions of morality and own my whoredom ,” it says. It’s simply too subtle for your gross progressive minds to follow.
Okay, I got nothin’.
BGinCHI
Joke:
Why does Rush wear a suit and comb his hair that way?
Because he’s a cunt.
(in a cockney accent that joke is always funny)
Villago Delenda Est
@shortstop:
It was a good attempt, though.
It’s difficult to see why these idiots want to associate themselves with a Nazi blimp. Better off running footage of the Hindenburg disaster.
JPL
The post either means that Doug is not buying flowers or
that he’s in love with Rush…hmmmm
Omnes Omnibus
@BGinCHI: It would work with an Irish accent as well.
Little Boots
@shortstop:
No that is something. That was pretty fun.
Legalize
@Omnes Omnibus:
Or Scotish – think Robert Carlyle’s character in “Trainspotting.”
Omnes Omnibus
@Legalize:I saw it as Colin Farrell in In Bruges, but Scottish works.
RossInDetroit
Relationships may be the only realm of Rush’s life where he’s exposed to actual free market forces. And he’s blown whatever capital he once had.
Teddy Salad
Coming up: Newt Gingrich for “wedding rings that will last a lifetime.”
Yutsano
They forgot “For your Dominican rentboy”. A sad omission on their part.
(too soon?)
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: It’s funny because it’s true.
RossInDetroit
OT, but woah. I just dropped in on the GOS to read their hate mail and it’s all classed up & stuff. Really polished and almost elegant. Is this some kind of prank?
Suffern ACE
The guy who has had four wives obviously knows something about courtship.
BGinCHI
@RossInDetroit: It’s all that Koch Brothers money.
Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen
@Yutsano: Considering Rush’s mass, crush seems more than appropriate.
Villago Delenda Est
@Teddy Salad:
Pythonized (ala “The Rutles”) for your entertainment.
Silver
I suspect there’s an 11 year old boy in the Dominican Republic who has seen that same smile, close up and in person…
JPL
@Silver: ickkkkkkkkk
shortstop
OT, I am seriously going to off myself if I get one more attempted push poll. It’s an aldermanic election, for cripe’s sake.
Anya
@RossInDetroit: Maybe Kos is preparing to be bought up by Google.
Redshift
@RossInDetroit: Nope, it’s the new version, DK4. Kos has been talking about it for months, if you happen to drop in at the right time.
Redshift
As a Democratic legislator here in VA said (and probably in every other state) during the debate about the odious marriage amendment, “My colleagues on the other side of the aisle believe in traditional marriage. Some of them so much that they have engaged in it several times…”
Teddy Salad
@Villago Delanda est
Truth in advertising! Much improved.
Anne Laurie
@RossInDetroit:
Maybe Kos is hoping to appeal to those of us who’ve given up Gawker since Denton’s “klassy” I-want-them-iPad-buxx redesign?
Keith
I would have figured that Rush’s flower of choice would be poppies, not roses.
R-Jud
@shortstop:
Oooh! Cross-stitch project!
Violet
@Anne Laurie:
Oh, man. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who feels this way. I can hardly find anything at Gawker unless someone direct links to the exact post. Surfing and scrolling through various possibly interesting stories is a thing of the past there. I really dislike the new design.
MikeJ
@Anne Laurie: I was wondering why the penny arcaders unbookmarked gawker et al. I only ever read Gawker when somebody links to a story, so I didn’t know about the redesign. Doesn’t load in my browser. Probably requires javascript for content or something equally stupid.
If you can’t degrade gracefully, just don’t add whatever stupid feature you think is cool.
SRW1
Didn’t know about this tradition of having a mugshots taken before you propose, or is that just one of Rush’s fads?
Certified Mutant Enemy
@Warren Terra: boehner pills Good one!
Angry Black Lady
is that joke? somebody tell me that’s a joke.
honus
You guys miss the point. The ad is not to appeal to women, or intelligent men who might have some idea about romance, but to men who admire Rush. Any sales generated will be a tribute to conservative man-love.
RossInDetroit
The only place I want Rush’s pic is on the side of a milk carton with “have you seen me?”
dmsilev
@RossInDetroit: Don’t know about you, but staring at Rush’s visage while trying to wake up and eat breakfast doesn’t sound like a good time to me.
I’d settle for a mugshot photo published in TMZ or the like.
suzanne
The best Valentine’s Day gift I could ever receive would be the chance to hit Rush Limbaugh in the balls. Using Glenn Beck as the bat.
RossInDetroit
@suzanne:
The visual there was priceless. Now my wife needs to know what I’m laughing about.
quaint irene
Sure, cause R. Limbaugh and Valentines Day are an automatic combo in everybody’s mind!
They should have had that ad animated, with him jumping about like when he was mocking Michael J. Fox.
Ash Can
Bleah.
Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q)
@RossInDetroit: I thought you meant the hate mail and went off in search of it, to see whether it was vocabulary, style or both that had improved. I found it average.
Then, I realized you probably meant the GOS itself looks good deal more polished, as if actual design thought had been applied. Color me embarrassed; I’m slow on Sundays.
Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q)
@suzanne: I’d pretty happily settle for hitting Beck in the balls with Limpbaugh as the bat! Though I would probably have to train for it;that’s a heavy bat to swing.
What I got was Deputy Duck – which really squeaks! I wish I’d asked for a dozen; I could have made a profit by selling them at our courthouse.
RossInDetroit
@Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q):
Sorry. Reading that over, it was unclear that I was talking about GOS and not their hate mail having been gentrified. the hate mail has not changed. Eccentric punctuation and capitalization. Poor spelling, bile, vitriol, etc.
I kinda liked the old ad hoc looking GOS. Too busy for fancy design. Scrounge through it until you find what you’re looking for.
Yutsano
@RossInDetroit: I looked at the new design, and yeah, maybe it’s me but I don’t get it. It kinda looks like what a Soviet website would resemble if they had made it long enough to have a Web presence.
JCT
@Linda Featheringill:
This gets tossed about every time he gets married and his former wives almost *never* say a word about him, so the rumor stays afloat via suggestions of “payoffs” a la Tom Cruise.
Wile E. Quixote
@honus:
Coming Soon from Fox Pornography.
Fox Pornography. Your source for high quality, conservative man-love. Fox Pornography – INGIYAR (It’s Not Gay If You’re A Republican).
MikeJ
@Yutsano: The single worst redesign is the new weatherunderground. Is sucksucksucksucks. It is hideous. They decided they needed to make the site less informative and harder to use, and they succeeded wildly. Whoever sold them the flavour of the month redesign ought to be taken out and shot.
trixie larue
Ooh! That’s too effin twisted (the true romance post), it takes the heart out of valentine’s day.
Zuzu's Petals
Geeze, that’s weird.
Go to this ProFlowers page and enter Limbaugh, Beck, or Hannity in the search box and you get the full-out “Gift Guide” complete with the creepy wife/girlfriend/crush pics.
Enter names like Maddow or Schultz and you get a perfunctory “Welcome Rachel Maddow Listeners” blurb.
Kyle
@MikeJ:
This.
The misguided-minimalism trend in web design seems to be spreading. It sucks.
droog
New avatar!
someofparts
gotta hurl brb
Betsy
Now you’re just trying to make sure none of us enjoy any nookie on Valentine’s Day. If there was ever a visual to kill the mood…
twiffer
this is why i get all my flowers from calyx & corolla.
well, also cause they have great arangements and fantastic flowers. but, no stupid fucking ads either.
LanceThruster
I’m sure the ad did wonders for “bear” aficionados.
mey
Are these just arrangements photoshopped onto existing RL pics?