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You are here: Home / True romance

True romance

by DougJ|  February 13, 20114:50 pm| 85 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity

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Another very strange ad, for ProFlowers.

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Reader Interactions

85Comments

  1. 1.

    Comrade Mary

    February 13, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Those aren’t flowers. They’re the mutilated sex organs of various plants that died shrieking in terror at their fate.

  2. 2.

    Roberto

    February 13, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Hahaha. Just perfect.

  3. 3.

    Mnemosyne

    February 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    That guy looks creepily like Rush Limbaugh.

  4. 4.

    Kryptik

    February 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    If your Wife/Girlfriend/Crush finds it charming or romantic to be delivered or given flowers by Rush Limbaugh, either you both are crazy or you need to find a new Wife/Girlfriend/Crush.

  5. 5.

    freelancer

    February 13, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Fuck. I used them this year, but at least my ad kickback went to Marc Maron and not Rush.

  6. 6.

    Woodrowfan

    February 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    nothing about “for your underage Dominican boy toy”???

  7. 7.

    BGinCHI

    February 13, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    The Oxycontin Bouquet, the gift that keeps on giving.

  8. 8.

    The Dangerman

    February 13, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    What was Daryn Kagan possibly thinking (former Rush GF)?

  9. 9.

    morzer

    February 13, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Sweet Baby Tebow on the Cross in the Endzone! DougJ, are you trying to drive good people to drink? Damnit, I’m a Dolphins fan, haven’t I suffered enough already?

  10. 10.

    dmsilev

    February 13, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    To be accurate, shouldn’t there be panels for one’s first through fourth wives?

    dms

  11. 11.

    Mnemosyne

    February 13, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Silly me, I didn’t think there was any way that Proflowers could be so tasteless as to actually use thrice-divorced Rush Limbaugh as their spokesman for romance, so I thought it was an impersonator.

    That’s what I get for underestimating the American corporation.

    On the other hand, I’m guessing that the ad is just a portrayal of many of Limbaugh’s Valentine’s Days as he tried to keep wife, mistress, and future mistress pacified.

  12. 12.

    dmsilev

    February 13, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    And why is he wearing a doctor’s jacket in the first panel? Is that supposed to mean that he’s married to his pill bottle?

    dms

  13. 13.

    Cacti

    February 13, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    For your first beard marriage.

    For your second beard marriage.

    For your third beard marriage.

    For your fourth beard marriage.

  14. 14.

    cleek

    February 13, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    @The Dangerman:
    “Ka-Ching!”

  15. 15.

    RossInDetroit

    February 13, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Rush should be holding a bouquet of benjamins. I don’t think flowers are going to do the trick.

  16. 16.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 13, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    WTF?

  17. 17.

    Warren Terra

    February 13, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    The best part is the package deal: buy a bouquet for your wife and one for your girlfriend, get one for your crush for free!
    (Or is it buy one for your wife, one for your girlfriend, and one for your crush, get a free one for your other crush?)

  18. 18.

    Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)

    February 13, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Yeah, because when I’m wondering how best to do something nice for my wife, the first thing I ask myself is “What would Rush Limbaugh do?”

  19. 19.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 13, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    @Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.): And then you do the opposite?

  20. 20.

    dmsilev

    February 13, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    @Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.): I trust that your next action is to do the opposite of whatever Rush recommends?

    ETA: great minds think alike…

  21. 21.

    BGinCHI

    February 13, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    Echo, echo….

  22. 22.

    Warren Terra

    February 13, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    @Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):

    Yeah, because when I’m wondering how best to do something nice for my wife, the first thing I ask myself is “What would Rush Limbaugh do?”

    He has the superior experience – how many times have you been married? How many Caribbean islands have you visited while carrying a bargain-bin sized tub of boehner pills?

  23. 23.

    Ann B. Nonymous

    February 13, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    I think I have a headache. All the ad needs is that jowly animated gif of Limbaugh in his open black shirt, looking for all the world like a participant at a Nazi-era swing club.

  24. 24.

    licensed to kill time

    February 13, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Send flowers…for when Hillbilly Heroin isn’t enough.

  25. 25.

    freelancer

    February 13, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    @Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):

    Yeah, because when I’m wondering how best to do something nice for my wife, the first thing I ask myself is “What would Rush Limbaugh do?”

    Depends, is your wife a minority?

    “Happy VaRentinez aDay, Ching Chong Ching Chong Ching Chong! I wrove you!”

    You see, it’s “satire”. Cause he’s an “entertainer”.

  26. 26.

    Mnemosyne

    February 13, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    I will admit that I have a secret affection for those stupid Kay Jewelers commercials that they run 24/7 in the run-up to Valentine’s Day. They at least seem to acknowledge some kind of reality, like, hey, deaf people have boyfriends, too!

  27. 27.

    Lincolnshire Poacher

    February 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Someone has to cash in on celebrity conservatives with all the power and money they bring to the table. With Representative Lee and all I am surprised there is not mistress or fling. And be honest when was the last time a poor person gave you a job?

  28. 28.

    Linda Featheringill

    February 13, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    @Cacti:
    Are you trying to say that his wives have only been beards?

  29. 29.

    Allan

    February 13, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Maybe they’re going for the contrast effect? Compared to Rush Limbaugh, every man is George Clooney.

  30. 30.

    Little Boots

    February 13, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Nothing says romance like thrice divorced asshat.

    (And did somebody put Rush Limbaugh and George Clooney in the same sentence? Blasphemy!!????1111)

  31. 31.

    shortstop

    February 13, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    This ad is brilliant, self-deprecating humor. In one moment of moxie, it sells flowers and sassily mocks the Victorian liberal obsession with fidelity and family values. “I reject your staid and anachronistic notions of morality and own my whoredom ,” it says. It’s simply too subtle for your gross progressive minds to follow.

    Okay, I got nothin’.

  32. 32.

    BGinCHI

    February 13, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Joke:

    Why does Rush wear a suit and comb his hair that way?

    Because he’s a cunt.

    (in a cockney accent that joke is always funny)

  33. 33.

    Villago Delenda Est

    February 13, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    @shortstop:

    It was a good attempt, though.

    It’s difficult to see why these idiots want to associate themselves with a Nazi blimp. Better off running footage of the Hindenburg disaster.

  34. 34.

    JPL

    February 13, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    The post either means that Doug is not buying flowers or
    that he’s in love with Rush…hmmmm

  35. 35.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 13, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    @BGinCHI: It would work with an Irish accent as well.

  36. 36.

    Little Boots

    February 13, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    @shortstop:

    No that is something. That was pretty fun.

  37. 37.

    Legalize

    February 13, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    Or Scotish – think Robert Carlyle’s character in “Trainspotting.”

  38. 38.

    Omnes Omnibus

    February 13, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    @Legalize:I saw it as Colin Farrell in In Bruges, but Scottish works.

  39. 39.

    RossInDetroit

    February 13, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Relationships may be the only realm of Rush’s life where he’s exposed to actual free market forces. And he’s blown whatever capital he once had.

  40. 40.

    Teddy Salad

    February 13, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Coming up: Newt Gingrich for “wedding rings that will last a lifetime.”

  41. 41.

    Yutsano

    February 13, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    They forgot “For your Dominican rentboy”. A sad omission on their part.

    (too soon?)

  42. 42.

    BGinCHI

    February 13, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    @Omnes Omnibus: It’s funny because it’s true.

  43. 43.

    RossInDetroit

    February 13, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    OT, but woah. I just dropped in on the GOS to read their hate mail and it’s all classed up & stuff. Really polished and almost elegant. Is this some kind of prank?

  44. 44.

    Suffern ACE

    February 13, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    The guy who has had four wives obviously knows something about courtship.

  45. 45.

    BGinCHI

    February 13, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    @RossInDetroit: It’s all that Koch Brothers money.

  46. 46.

    Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen

    February 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    @Yutsano: Considering Rush’s mass, crush seems more than appropriate.

  47. 47.

    Villago Delenda Est

    February 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    @Teddy Salad:

    Coming up: Newt Gingrich for “wedding rings that will last a lunchtime.”

    Pythonized (ala “The Rutles”) for your entertainment.

  48. 48.

    Silver

    February 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    I suspect there’s an 11 year old boy in the Dominican Republic who has seen that same smile, close up and in person…

  49. 49.

    JPL

    February 13, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    @Silver: ickkkkkkkkk

  50. 50.

    shortstop

    February 13, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    OT, I am seriously going to off myself if I get one more attempted push poll. It’s an aldermanic election, for cripe’s sake.

  51. 51.

    Anya

    February 13, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    @RossInDetroit: Maybe Kos is preparing to be bought up by Google.

  52. 52.

    Redshift

    February 13, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    @RossInDetroit: Nope, it’s the new version, DK4. Kos has been talking about it for months, if you happen to drop in at the right time.

  53. 53.

    Redshift

    February 13, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    As a Democratic legislator here in VA said (and probably in every other state) during the debate about the odious marriage amendment, “My colleagues on the other side of the aisle believe in traditional marriage. Some of them so much that they have engaged in it several times…”

  54. 54.

    Teddy Salad

    February 13, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    @Villago Delanda est
    Truth in advertising! Much improved.

  55. 55.

    Anne Laurie

    February 13, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    @RossInDetroit:

    I just dropped in on the GOS to read their hate mail and it’s all classed up & stuff. Really polished and almost elegant. Is this some kind of prank?

    Maybe Kos is hoping to appeal to those of us who’ve given up Gawker since Denton’s “klassy” I-want-them-iPad-buxx redesign?

  56. 56.

    Keith

    February 13, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    I would have figured that Rush’s flower of choice would be poppies, not roses.

  57. 57.

    R-Jud

    February 13, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    @shortstop:

    own [your] whoredom

    Oooh! Cross-stitch project!

  58. 58.

    Violet

    February 13, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    @Anne Laurie:

    Maybe Kos is hoping to appeal to those of us who’ve given up Gawker since Denton’s “klassy” I-want-them-iPad-buxx redesign?

    Oh, man. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who feels this way. I can hardly find anything at Gawker unless someone direct links to the exact post. Surfing and scrolling through various possibly interesting stories is a thing of the past there. I really dislike the new design.

  59. 59.

    MikeJ

    February 13, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    @Anne Laurie: I was wondering why the penny arcaders unbookmarked gawker et al. I only ever read Gawker when somebody links to a story, so I didn’t know about the redesign. Doesn’t load in my browser. Probably requires javascript for content or something equally stupid.

    If you can’t degrade gracefully, just don’t add whatever stupid feature you think is cool.

  60. 60.

    SRW1

    February 13, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Didn’t know about this tradition of having a mugshots taken before you propose, or is that just one of Rush’s fads?

  61. 61.

    Certified Mutant Enemy

    February 13, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    @Warren Terra: boehner pills Good one!

  62. 62.

    Angry Black Lady

    February 13, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    is that joke? somebody tell me that’s a joke.

  63. 63.

    honus

    February 13, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    You guys miss the point. The ad is not to appeal to women, or intelligent men who might have some idea about romance, but to men who admire Rush. Any sales generated will be a tribute to conservative man-love.

  64. 64.

    RossInDetroit

    February 13, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    The only place I want Rush’s pic is on the side of a milk carton with “have you seen me?”

  65. 65.

    dmsilev

    February 13, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    @RossInDetroit: Don’t know about you, but staring at Rush’s visage while trying to wake up and eat breakfast doesn’t sound like a good time to me.

    I’d settle for a mugshot photo published in TMZ or the like.

  66. 66.

    suzanne

    February 13, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    The best Valentine’s Day gift I could ever receive would be the chance to hit Rush Limbaugh in the balls. Using Glenn Beck as the bat.

  67. 67.

    RossInDetroit

    February 13, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    @suzanne:
    The visual there was priceless. Now my wife needs to know what I’m laughing about.

  68. 68.

    quaint irene

    February 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Sure, cause R. Limbaugh and Valentines Day are an automatic combo in everybody’s mind!
    They should have had that ad animated, with him jumping about like when he was mocking Michael J. Fox.

  69. 69.

    Ash Can

    February 13, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Bleah.

  70. 70.

    Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q)

    February 13, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    @RossInDetroit: I thought you meant the hate mail and went off in search of it, to see whether it was vocabulary, style or both that had improved. I found it average.
    Then, I realized you probably meant the GOS itself looks good deal more polished, as if actual design thought had been applied. Color me embarrassed; I’m slow on Sundays.

  71. 71.

    Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q)

    February 13, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    @suzanne: I’d pretty happily settle for hitting Beck in the balls with Limpbaugh as the bat! Though I would probably have to train for it;that’s a heavy bat to swing.

    What I got was Deputy Duck – which really squeaks! I wish I’d asked for a dozen; I could have made a profit by selling them at our courthouse.

  72. 72.

    RossInDetroit

    February 13, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    @Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q):

    Sorry. Reading that over, it was unclear that I was talking about GOS and not their hate mail having been gentrified. the hate mail has not changed. Eccentric punctuation and capitalization. Poor spelling, bile, vitriol, etc.

    I kinda liked the old ad hoc looking GOS. Too busy for fancy design. Scrounge through it until you find what you’re looking for.

  73. 73.

    Yutsano

    February 13, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    @RossInDetroit: I looked at the new design, and yeah, maybe it’s me but I don’t get it. It kinda looks like what a Soviet website would resemble if they had made it long enough to have a Web presence.

  74. 74.

    JCT

    February 13, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    @Linda Featheringill:

    @Cacti:
    Are you trying to say that his wives have only been beards?

    This gets tossed about every time he gets married and his former wives almost *never* say a word about him, so the rumor stays afloat via suggestions of “payoffs” a la Tom Cruise.

  75. 75.

    Wile E. Quixote

    February 13, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    @honus:

    Any sales generated will be a tribute to conservative man-love.

    Coming Soon from Fox Pornography.

    CPAC – Volume One – (Cock-craving Perverts and Cum-Dumpsters) – Conservative Cum-Dumpsters – starring Rush Limbaugh, Jonah Goldberg, Rich Lowry, Manne Coulter, Erick Erickson and Big Dick Cheney. See starbursts as Rich Lowry discovers why Manne Coulter has such big hands. Watch Rush Limbaugh and Big Dick Cheney engage in hot, sweaty, conservative man-love. See the Red State Strike Force have their way with Erick Erickson and leave him sticky, gooey and begging for more. See Jonah Goldberg touch himself because nobody else wants to.
    __
    CPAC – Volume Two: Teabaggers Gone Wild starring John Boner, Lindsay Graham and Glenn Beck available in March.

    Fox Pornography. Your source for high quality, conservative man-love. Fox Pornography – INGIYAR (It’s Not Gay If You’re A Republican).

  76. 76.

    MikeJ

    February 13, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    @Yutsano: The single worst redesign is the new weatherunderground. Is sucksucksucksucks. It is hideous. They decided they needed to make the site less informative and harder to use, and they succeeded wildly. Whoever sold them the flavour of the month redesign ought to be taken out and shot.

  77. 77.

    trixie larue

    February 13, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Ooh! That’s too effin twisted (the true romance post), it takes the heart out of valentine’s day.

  78. 78.

    Zuzu's Petals

    February 13, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Geeze, that’s weird.

    Go to this ProFlowers page and enter Limbaugh, Beck, or Hannity in the search box and you get the full-out “Gift Guide” complete with the creepy wife/girlfriend/crush pics.

    Enter names like Maddow or Schultz and you get a perfunctory “Welcome Rachel Maddow Listeners” blurb.

  79. 79.

    Kyle

    February 14, 2011 at 1:51 am

    @MikeJ:

    This.

    The misguided-minimalism trend in web design seems to be spreading. It sucks.

  80. 80.

    droog

    February 14, 2011 at 2:21 am

    New avatar!

  81. 81.

    someofparts

    February 14, 2011 at 9:05 am

    gotta hurl brb

  82. 82.

    Betsy

    February 14, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Now you’re just trying to make sure none of us enjoy any nookie on Valentine’s Day. If there was ever a visual to kill the mood…

  83. 83.

    twiffer

    February 14, 2011 at 11:27 am

    this is why i get all my flowers from calyx & corolla.

    well, also cause they have great arangements and fantastic flowers. but, no stupid fucking ads either.

  84. 84.

    LanceThruster

    February 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    I’m sure the ad did wonders for “bear” aficionados.

  85. 85.

    mey

    February 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Are these just arrangements photoshopped onto existing RL pics?

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