Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

In my day, never was longer.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

The revolution will be supervised.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

When do the post office & the dmv weigh in on the wuhan virus?

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

Peak wingnut was a lie.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

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Reader Interactions

77Comments

  1. 1.

    Kais

    Perhaps it’s Charlie Christian related, or someone named Christian who leads a big band. But probably not.

  3. 3.

    dr. bloor

    Laugh if you like, but how many orchestras have you seen that can perform Beethoven’s ninth while handling snakes?

  10. 10.

    Villago Delenda Est

    “Christian” I think, in this context, is a marketing term, designed to draw in a certain crowd of not very bright marks. You know, like “Libertarianism” and “National Soshulism” are.

  12. 12.

    Farah

    Were I live (someone called it the bigot belt a few days ago) if something is labeled ‘Christian’ and you respond wtf is ‘Christian’ about oh let’s say an apple picking outing, the whole point is to let the heathens (i.e. ME) know they are not really welcome and if said heathen is stupid enough to show up that they will be asked about their religious affiliation and told they are going to hell but are loved by ‘God’. It’s a filter system to keep degenerates like my family away from their clean holy audience. End Rant.

  13. 13.

    justawriter

    I’m surprised you haven’t heard of their huge hits, Boogie Woogie Preacher Boy, String of Commandments, Who’s Sorry Now That You’re In Hell, and Oh Lady Be Good (Or We Will Stone You).

  15. 15.

    Xecky Gilchrist

    What the fuck could be “Christian” about a big band

    It’s the same music, but you’re not allowed to dance.

  17. 17.

    Jager

    Maybe they play big band arrangements of “Rock of Ages or “The Old Rugged Cross” and I bet they do one hell of an arrangement of “Closer My God to Thee”, real toe tappers!

  20. 20.

    Maude

    It comes under the banner of Christian music. No swear words or dirty phrases. Christian music is big and the CDs sell. I hear it on a local radio station. Unless you listen carefully to the words, it sounds like popular music.

  21. 21.

    Mojotron

    I’m guessing that it’s famous big band tunes with a slight christian twist and some mild proselytizing in between. How you give big band tunes a christian twist I really don’t know. “Coming up next we’re going to do a tune called ‘John 3:16 tithe five thousand’…”

  22. 22.

    Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)

    You’ve hit upon one of the great questions I’ve had over the years for my musician buddies: Is there any, any type of music that cannot be co-opted into a Christian type of that type of music.

    When I cleaned a church I would see posters of Christian rock bands rolling thru on tour. Visuallly, there was no way to tell them apart from their secular counterparts be they indie, emo, the many sub-sub-sub genres of metal. You could invent a game: “Christian or Secular Band” just using publicity shots. I suspect people would on average guess right 50%.

  23. 23.

    meander

    Lots of those songs from the golden era of the big band were just chock full of coded lyrics about sex. They’ve probably cleaned up the lyrics, talking about praying and reading the bible instead of the naughty, naughty things in the original songs.

  24. 24.

    Reader of the Most Depressing Blog Evah, Formerly Known as Chad N Freude

    A Christian klezmer band?

    I would SO buy tickets for this! And all of their recordings, too.

  25. 25.

    Reader of the Most Depressing Blog Evah, Formerly Known as Chad N Freude

    When I cleaned a church

    Exactly how is this accomplished?

  26. 26.

    Three-nineteen

    I’m picturing a Cartman-like rewriting of some big band tunes, and maybe adding some Jesus lyrics to instrumentals. Like In the Mood (for Jesus) and Jerusalem Choo-Choo, or Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Jericho.

  29. 29.

    rf80412

    God’s people sure are losing it. In the days of “that old time religion”, all music was banned as frivolous pleasure that interfered with work and prayer, or worse could actually incite fornication amongst those weak in the Holy Spirit.

  30. 30.

    Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)

    @Sly: Christian metal is HUGE.

    Piraty, KJV English is already a metal staple. Apocalyptic themes. Prophetic pronouncements. Scolding. These are all secular metal traditions. Christian metal is as natural as singing like the Cookie Monster, dog.

  32. 32.

    Jager

    @Maude: no swear words or dirty phrases, just creepy love songs about giving yourself to Jesus and taking him inside you you, mild shit like that.

  33. 33.

    Reader of the Most Depressing Blog Evah, Formerly Known as Chad N Freude

    @Jager:

    giving yourself to Jesus and taking him inside you

    Umm . . . Was this deliberate or inadvertent?

  34. 34.

    maya

    @Maude: I happen to like Jaci Velasquez, who has a marvelous voice. Although she’s a Christian pop singer, if you listen to some of the lyrics to her songs they’re remarkably erotic. I call it; F*ck me Jesus, music.

  36. 36.

    S. cerevisiae

    @Jager: OK, that made me laugh. Now I have Cartman stuck in my head singing about being on his knees pleasin’ Jesus…

  40. 40.

    bkny

    hey, all you heathens don’t know entertainment until you’ve heard lively big band versions of ‘do lord, remember me’ or ‘what a friend we have in jeebus’ …

  43. 43.

    bemused

    @asiangrrlMN:
    Ha. I just knew it. Just when I thought nothing could be worse than the common bar karaoke.

    Anyone remember from wayback when The Lawrence Welk Show had Bobby and Sissy or another pair sing the ‘gospel’ song, “One Toke Over The Line”? Just thinking about it still makes me laugh hysterically.

  46. 46.

    kth

    snickering at “Mile High Orchestra” being a Christian outfit. I wonder if their fan network is called the “Mile High Club”.

  47. 47.

    David Brooks (not that one)

    I wonder how many “Christians” would show up for the B minor Mass or St Matthew Passion. Or Dream of Gerontius.

  48. 48.

    k488

    The church has been co-opting popular music for centuries; as Martin Luther said, why should the devil have all the good tunes? And earlier than that there were plenty of Mass settings based on L’homme Arme. So, nothing new here. But I agree with Not That David Brooks at 45: so many current self-identifying Christians have no idea of their musical heritage. My wife and I were once asked by a Lutheran pastor if we could suggest to him any good religious music. We both goggled while reminding him that J. S. Bach was a … Lutheran.

  49. 49.

    jayjaybear

    Like someone said, it’s a code word. There are certain Christians who would be quite happy to remove themselves from the secular society entirely (other than to deliver harangues about going to hell), and there’s a dedicated commercial segment vying to serve them. The ideal would be if they could just have a Christian version of every service/shop/store they need and wouldn’t have to actually monetarily support the heathens at all.

  50. 50.

    robertdsc-PowerBook

    Christian Glam Rock

    Google the band Stryper. Two of the band’s members went to my high school.

  51. 51.

    ExcuseMeExcuseMe

    It’s a tribal thing. You advertise to a particular market and those that choose to use the services are comforted by the fact that they are doing business with like minded people. Or giving their money to god, or accumulating heaven green stamps, or getting some extra doing god’s work points. Or something like that.

    In Northeast Florida we have Christian Dry Cleaners, Christian Lawn Services, Christian Pest Control Companies, Christian Builders and Carpenters, Christian Carpet Installers, Christian Barbershops…it goes on and on.

    I shit you not.

  52. 52.

    kth

    @David Brooks (not that one): think about it for about a minute, and the answer is obvious: any kind of aestheticism is, like so much else, completely incompatible with fundamentalism. Beauty is nothing but the sugar that the message is sweetened with, and once you start focusing on the sugar rather than the medicine, you’re already halfway to hell.

  55. 55.

    Villago Delenda Est

    I’m reminded of the Simpsons episode where Bart sneaks “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” into the church service, and the Reverend Lovejoy is outraged: “That ‘hymn’ sounds like Rock and/or Roll!”

  56. 56.

    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland

    @Farah: An assistant in a shop we frequent went on and on to us about the Christian fishing trip she and her husband went on. What made it Christian? No swearing and no beer. Now, I wouldn’t miss the beer, don’t like the taste, but I don’t see how you can fish if you can’t swear.

  57. 57.

    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland

    @ExcuseMeExcuseMe: When I was still attending church regularly, I stopped hiring anyone with Christian as part of their business name, motto or anything else, unless it was their actual name. Most of the people with fishies on their business cards were using it to get business but didn’t know squat about their job. The best appliance repairman I ever met was Jewish. He came out to re-repair my electronic ignition oven after the fish people had repaired it using the wrong size element. Took him 15 minutes, after which he asked me if anything else needed repair since I’d paid him for the hour. He repaired the loose agitator in my washer, by standing on it. We both laughed but it worked.

  60. 60.

    13th Generation

    @ExcuseMeExcuseMe

    But see, that works both ways; it let’s me know who NOT to patronize.

  61. 61.

    Chr1stian Arclite

    Editing is totally broken for me. Is anyone else having issues? Clicking on edit a comment turns the screen black without ever displaying the edit overlay window.

  63. 63.

    Cheap Jim

    @gbear: Oddly enough, Duke Ellington, in his last decade, wrote and performed what he called “sacred concerts”. I doubt they’ll play any of his stuff, but still…

  64. 64.

    drkrick

    @maya: Or “Jesus Is My Boyfriend” music. I went to a service at one of the local megachurches a few years ago where the music was provided by what could only be called a big band – Basie or Ellington-style instrumentation – playing arrangements of hymns and gospel tunes like “Power in the Blood” and “Rock of Ages.” They were pretty good, definitely the most enjoyable part of the experience.

  65. 65.

    Parallel 5ths (Jewish Steel)

    Oh, the answer to my question above is any music that contains irony or ironic detachment. There can be no Christian Pavement, Camper Van Beethoven, Dinosaur Jr, etc.

  66. 66.

    drkrick

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    ’m reminded of the Simpsons episode where Bart sneaks “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” into the church service, and the Reverend Lovejoy is outraged: “That ‘hymn’ sounds like Rock and/or Roll!”

    And Homer’s reaction: “Ooh, Marge, I remember that hymn. We used to make out to that hymn. Bart snuck the sheet music onto the organist’s music stand and she gamely stuck with it for the whole 15 minutes.

  69. 69.

    Barry

    @uila: “Christian big band is Lawrence Welk without all that ungodly heathen dancing.”

    I was going to say ‘without Lawrence Welk’s pulsating jungle rhythms’.

  70. 70.

    RSR

    I didn’t think there had been any breaking Rochester music news since Lou Gramm!

    —–

    ah, jeez, wikipedia reports: The Lou Gramm Band has recently finished an all-Christian rock album, which was released in the U.S. on June 2, 2009

    I give up…

  73. 73.

    Calming Influence

    What was the line in Family Guy when the kid was promoting a christian rock band? The supportive but exasperated father finally says “Son, please stop. You’re not helping Jesus, and you’re hurting Rock and Roll.”

  74. 74.

    Morbo

    It means anyone going there hoping that they’d play some Cherry Poppin’ Daddies covers is likely to be disappointed.

    What was the line in Family Guy when the kid was promoting a christian rock band? The supportive but exasperated father finally says “Son, please stop. You’re not helping Jesus, and you’re hurting Rock and Roll.”

    It was King of the Hill. Hank: “Can’t you see you’re not making Christianity better, you’re just making rock and roll worse?”

  75. 75.

    Calming Influence

    @Morbo: Thanks, Morbo. I never saw it, only heard it second hand, but think it’s conceptually the most accurate critique of “Chistian Rock” there is.

  77. 77.

    ExcuseMeExcuseMe

    @13th Generation:

    Exactly. Though on one or two occasions where I didn’t realize it was a Christian business before I hired them (sometimes it’s just the fish and bumper stickers that tell the story), I have casually corrected them when they ask about my wife (since that seems to often be a badge of honor or solidarity). I mention that I do not have a wife, but I do have a male “partner”.

    Responses vary, but generally the reaction spreads from legs that wobble a bit up the body to flushed faces.

    It also helps to get the job done very quickly. Not well, as opie jeanne mentions, but they can’t wait to get the hell out of my house.

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