Oh good grief:
A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be medically detected.
Faith2Action, the anti-abortion group that has targeted Ohio to pilot the measure, called the in-utero witness the youngest to ever come before the House Health Committee at nine weeks old.
Faith2Action president Janet Folger Porter said the intent is to show lawmakers who will be affected by the bill, which is opposed by Ohio Right to Life and abortion rights groups as unconstitutional.
An aide to committee Chairman Lynn Wachtmann said a pregnant woman will be brought before the committee and an ultrasound image of her uterus will be projected onto a screen. The heartbeat of the fetus will be visible in color.
Fucking A. What a waste of time and taxpayers’ money. All circus and no bread.
Yet these very same people will not hesitate to eat a hamburger or a chicken wing. They have heartbeats too. Are we going to call chickens and cows as witnesses next?
At least be consistent people.
Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q)
Sigh. My head is about to asplode. In other OH news, SW OH tea partiers are not happy with the AOS# because he may allow the national debt limit to be raised. The Cincinnati Enquirer
#Actual Orange Satan™ as I call Boehner
Doesn’t being a witness involve taking an oath? How will that work?
Good thing Ohio has nothing better to do than worry about this shit. The economy over there must be great.
Cliff in NH
Balloon Juice should be even more happy that they are not the only ones piling onto the idiocy that is McArdle:
Megan McArdle Uses Straw Men to Argue Against Principal Mods
Megan McArdle has a post up discussing why she thinks the benefits of principal mods would be “at best small and mixed”.
The problem with her lengthy discussion is that it is rife with straw men.
Before we get to the nitty gritty, I want address two bits of framing at the top which I found troubling.
Ask the fetus “What is the nature of God?”
If the fetus refuses to answer, have it arrested for contempt of congress.
We are being ruled by idiots. sigh.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
To my dirty hippie mind, that Atwoodian phrase kind of disproves their point, but what do I know.
I do know the unemployment rate in Ohio, 9.6% according to google.
Yevgraf (fka Michael)
Can we please have the Antichrist show up? I’m eager to be a minion.
I hope it pleads the fifth.
I suppose that in 20+ years, if this fetus becomes a pro-choice voter, they’ll ask him or her to come back and address the House Health Committee?
Oh, that’s right, they won’t give a fuck.
You know I keep saying this, and damn I will keep saying this, but these f**kers love them some fetuses right until the moment they are expelled from the womb, at that point they could not give a shit what happens to them, they could not give a shit if they starve, why else would they be in favor of defunding WIC? What is with the fetus worship, why do they then not give a shit about the actual living, breathing baby?
Oh my god. This can’t be real. It simply cannot. My mind, it is reeling.
@jrg: Hell, if his/her parents lose their home shortly after the birth, they wouldn’t call the child in to testify about being homeless.
Once the kid is out of the womb, they don’t give two shits about it.
When the fetus says fuck you, then I will think it’s a valid discussion. Until then we should just ignore it.
Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q)
@Litlebritdifrnt: Here’s the thing, the fetishists lose interest in the fetus once it crosses the cervical rubicon, unless and until it becomes capable of toting an M-16. They make my head hurt.
Remember hearing that the teabaggers were just worried about the economy and weren’t overly concerned with social issues?
(Has anyone else been having trouble with the site? Sometimes when I hit refresh, the top post will disappear. This post didn’t show up until about 10 minutes after it was posted.)
I realize this is acknowledging idiocy, but don’t witnesses have to have the competency to understand the proceedings in order to be a witness?
If the fetus refuses to testify, what will happen?
opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland
The incubator of said fetus was not allowed to speak.
@Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q):
Agreed on the asploding.
I have met some pretty stupid people in my time, but never this stupid. I have also met challenged people, but this was not too hard a concept to understand.
So I see this as completely different problem. This is just ignorance. And maybe fear of that which is too easy to comprehend. All they have to do is mind their own fucking business.
These people have been brainwshed; is there a deprogramming app for them?
Every day I think something along the lines of, “Okay, there is NO WAY they can get more outrageous or contemptible,” and every day they prove that, Oh yeah they can. Fucking peak wingnut, how does it work?
And O/T, but why in the ever-loving blue-eyed world is Lawrence O’Donnell devoting 20 minutes of his show to Charlie Fucking Sheen? Seriously, am I the only person on the planet who cares less than the square root of sweet F.A. about Charlie Sheen??
Dude, they stop caring as soon as it is born.
The Disgruntled Chemist
Does the state of Ohio pay for the ultrasound? Sounds like soci-alism to me.
I guess the next logical step would to bring in trees to speak for the environment.
Davis X. Machina
@piratedan: The Lorax speaks for the trees.
Yes, that pisses me off, but what pisses me off most is the fact that these morons insist on speaking for people who are not yet born, or speaking for people who are dead, or refusing to listen to people who are actually fucking alive, and trying to tell them something. I mean, really, how many Dems have said they’re Marxists? Now how many GOPers say that Dems are Marxists?
It’s profoundly retarded, yet no one ever calls them on it.
Shit, they don’t even care about the fetuses. They don’t give a fuck that we have the highest infant mortality rate among advanced countries. This is about slut-shaming.
It’s always something
The bible is silent on abortion, and Roe V Wade is Stare Decisis, and this country is not going back to headlines of bled out 16 year olds from botched back alley abortions.
The SCOTUS does that, and they better build a moat around that Olympus they squat in because messing with those primal forces would bring them more pain than they could take.
Go Wildcats! Beat Vandy!!
Do they use wireless mics? It doesn’t take a lot of power to drown out the signal and replace it with your own.
A Goldman director got indicted today. Why aren’t y’all falling down drunk from celebrating?
Serious question: What are the chances that the fetus that they bring in to testify will be miscarried? I know the chances are much greater than any right-to-lifer will admit, but what percentage of normal pregnancies end in a natural miscarriage?
You know, I had to Google this to make sure it wasn’t a misprint.
WTF Ohio. WTF
I’m pretty nearly 23 years clean and sober and I find this about as newsworthy as, “the sun came up today.” No, I don’t give a flying fuck.
@MikeJ: I’ve got a reply to that, but it’s too horrible to post.
@burnspbesq: If you want to call my falling down drunkenness celebration it would probably make people think more of me.
Cliff in NH
LOL, I’ll have a beer with you.
Birth them, starve them, under pay them, jail them, execute them, or put them in a war and ignore them when hurt.
Unless they’re rich…
The fetus will be surprisingly make more sense than Christine O’Donnell.
The fetus will surprisingly make more sense than Christine O’Donnell.
@gbear: I dream of drowning out the fetal testimony with this.
@jrg: Yeah, they oppose abortion, then they oppose birth control and try to defund Planned Parenthood. There is no plan, only stupidity.
So would an ant, or a tree.
We are. That’s why we haven’t been commenting on it.
Get back to us when he’s convicted and doing time.
I keep trying to watch LO’ since he’s a purported liberal but then he presents crap like this and I just have to turn it off.
This fetus’ testimony is the teabaggers last chance to articulate a rational political position. It can’t do any worse.
If they are bringing the fetus on to prove something with its heartbeat, then the opposition should bring Dick Cheney on to concur.
And, then the fetus will explain how he/she is for limited government and against the Affordable Care Act. Because of course they will chose a stay-at-home mom, with a non-union husband, who has a non-business and non-public sector job(because of course a business can’t survive with all of this regulation), and is an evangelical Christian, who also hates birth control. As we speak they are preparing the fetus with strong talking points, probably written on his/her small palms.
@BethanyAnne: lol…. no heartbeat, no right to life.
@Hal: No, this requirement, should it be enforced would eliminate every teabagger out of hand.
And that was worth posting twice.
@MikeJ: Or maybe this.
(runs and hides)
Mike in NC
Jobs, jobs, jobs!God, guns, and gays!
From coast to coast, Republicans and teabaggers in state capitals are in a rush to pass as much batshit insane legislation as they can before their house of cards collapses.
@gbear: I would think the appropriate Knack song would be this.
@Mike in NC: Or as I like to say,”shoot a fag for Jesus”.
This is good, but what they really need to do is schedule testimony from spermatazoa and also from a woman who’s ovulating. I think they could get the testimony from the sperm by…er…um…well…
Every fetus should be forced to register for the draft*. And be fully trained in the use of firearms. And given karate lessons.
You know, just in case the Muslim fetuses and the Chinese fetuses decide to gang up on us.
(*Except, of course, for the Quaker fetuses and Amish fetuses– we’ll have those teach evolution in schools instead).
@MikeJ: Yep, if any Knack song could ever be called appropriate, that one is.
@burnspbesq: I didn’t know about it until you pointed it out. Wheeeeee!
@Mike in NC: And in response to your jobs jobs jobs bit, my post on the Oompa Loompa.
I’m wondering how the fetus is gonna place its hand on the Bible and swear to tell the truth.
Maybe then we can send the fetus to prison for perjury.
@Davis X. Machina: I believe that the Lorax is an undocumented alien and as such is probably being detained and questioned at this moment in Sheriff Joe’s jurisdiction
does this sack of cells have a birth certificate???!! show me the birth certificate!!
Left Coast Tom
@Mike in NC:
Not really, because voters on the Pacific coast, or even Pacific timezone, didn’t allow them the chance.
@BethanyAnne: Hahahah you win the internets! ^5
Maybe this will be the E-Trade baby’s little brother?
@Egypt Steve: So he’s going to testify to being a womanizing douchebag?
This whole stunt puts me in the mind of “Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal.”
@FlipYrWhig: They are going to put a top hat on the fetus and give it a cane? Wouldn’t that process be likely to cause an abortion? How exactly does this advance their agenda? I am confuzzled.
I’ll withhold judgment until I hear what the fetus has to say.
If it were technically possible, I think you could stop and restart the heart of a 9-week out fetus like hours apart without incident or so says a few minutes of PubMed-ing. Not only is it human, it’s got superhuman powers.
put a top hat on the fetus and give it a cane
I do believe that we have the new cool tattoo for 2011.
So the fetus matters, but not the woman it’s in? Gee, how subtle…
Maybe Bobby Franklin can serve as her personal bodyguard until the fetus comes out (or, in the event of a miscarriage or anything similarly unfortunate, climb up into her uterus, OJ-style, to find the real killer), and then once she gives birth, Jon Kyl can tell her that maternal health coverage is a waste of his taxpayer dollars and kick her out of the hospital.
Or when the trial has been outsourced to China.
Guardian reports that the Newt will announce that he will run for President.
A lot of talk about Newt’s government shut down in the coming few weeks is going to remind a few voters of things, and might make shutting down a lot less attractive to Boner and co.
Before this fetus testifies it should be asked if the mother is using food stamps and WIC vouchers to help fortify her nutritional needs. If the mother participates in any of these government run programs than she and her fetus should be disqualified as witnesses!
Silly people! This fetus is a communications major at Uterus University here in Ohio. It will make a great witness.
I wonder if the idiocy of today’s conservatives is nature or nurture.
Where are the birthers now? They are the ultimate in birth certificates.
The cognoscenti say that these insider trading investigations are weak tea. I’ll start celebrating when they start putting people in jail and seizing their ill-gotten gains due to their role in the housing bubble.
Would that it were so. Polling data don’t currently show the public focussing most of their blame on the Rethugs, IIRC.
@urbanmeemaw: UU of Ohio is a total party school.
Finally, something that embarrasses the Ohio Right to Lifers. I hadn’t thought that was possible.
The group just wanted to present videos of the sonograms, but Ohio law says witnesses must appear in person. I can’t wait to see those old farts try to detect a heartbeat in an early fetus. Circus doesn’t begin to describe it.
What you’re seeing is an internal fight between the various factions of the Right To Life groups.
Some groups are political animals and want to play the game the “right” way – as in the way that doesn’t cause backlash and set their cause back. They like to nibble about the edges, come up with names like “partial birth abortion” and general make things as difficult as possible for doctors who provide abortions. But they don’t want to make a frontal assault on abortion right – especially early, 1st trimester abortions – because they know that with the political climate the way it is they would lose and lose big and the backlash from it would probably set them back to where they were a decade ago.
Then you have the crazies who actually don’t care about making political progress, they want to make political statements. They don’t believe that anyone actually disagrees with them, don’t believe polls, and know that God is on their side. And if, by chance, their actions do cause a backlash, well then God is still on their side and their consciences are clear. They want to take the biggest, most aggressive action possible and they’re certain there will be no blow-back from it.
Personally, I think this idea just makes Ohio look stupid – but then we look stupid all the fucking time so I suppose it’s just one more notch on the belt.
Ya know, I’ve had to spend a lot of time apologizing for Boehner and Mean Jean Schmidt, and more recently that asshole Kasich. Now I read about this nonsense.
Ohio DOES have intelligent, productive, caring people. we just keep being drowned out by the nutjobs and wingtards.
I’ve said that I didn’t leave Ohio, I escaped. More proof.
I find it amazing that no one is willing to acknowledge that people can hold a good-faith view that abortion constitutes the killing of a human life. You don’t have to agree with it — I think that there are serious arguments on all sides — but I don’t understand how those people can be glibly dismissed as “idiots,” who care only about “shaming sluts.”
Paul in KY
Probably already snarked, but I can send a sperm sample of mine to testify. I can be there to ‘interpret’, if necessary.
Edit: Mclaren at #59. I’m disappointed it took that long for someone to come up with that joke.
If abortion doesn’t stop a beating heart, it wasn’t effective.
This sounds like some kind of crazy mad-cap comedy from the early 60’s with a huge cast of characters that makes fun of what dolts people can be.