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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Otto Titsling Open Thread

Otto Titsling Open Thread

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I’m having an amusing discussion with some Facebook friends about the weight of a boob.  This discussion led to a friend weighing her boobs on a kitchen scale.  They were lighter than I imagined they would be, coming in under two pounds each.  (I would have guessed 4 pounds, easily, given her DD size.)

I have no scale, so the best I can do is grab a five pound bag of flour in one hand, a boob in the other, and try to guess.  Not exactly scientific, is it?

So I decided to google it: “How much does a breast weight?”  My favorite response?  “”It depends on the beast! If it is an elephant, it can weigh up to 6 tons.”

Yes, I’m in a silly silly mood, Balloonbaggers.

Reader Interactions

97Comments

  1. 1.

    Jim, Once

    Careful, girl … next thing you know, the guys here are going to be weighing their … parts.

  2. 2.

    asiangrrlMN

    Well, plopping a boob on the bathroom scale doesn’t work, either, so we really will have to have a Toss a Tit Today Day!

    You crack me up, ABL. You really do.

    @Jim, Once: Damn. Never thought of that!

  3. 3.

    Jim, Once

    BTW, I love it that the current message at the top of the page is “Lighten up, Francis.”

  5. 5.

    sfinny

    Oh crap, now I am eyeing the scale and trying to figure out how lay on the floor and maneuver the boob on it.

  6. 6.

    gnomedad

    Think Archimedes. Fill a bucket to the brim, dip one in, note the amount of water displaced. The human body is roughly the density of water.

  8. 8.

    tripletee

    When this came up in my RSS feed, I couldn’t tell who wrote it. Relieved to discover it wasn’t John. I’ve learned to accept the naked mopping thing, but if he starts weighing his boobs, I’m out.

  9. 9.

    Lavocat

    Reminds me of being in the med mal part of Supreme Court in Queens some years ago when the court clerk called out an attorney’s name, putting the place into pandemonium.

    The attorney’s name?

    Titbeiter.

  10. 10.

    Genine

    Your friend’s boobs being about two pounds seems right. I am using a 16 ounces bottle of water and a 20 ounce bottle of water. My breast is definitely heavier than the 16 oz. bottle, but less then the 20 oz and I am a D. And (for the nerds) I do realize there is a difference between dry ounces and fluid ounces, but I’m doing this on the fly with the tools at hand.

    Like MacGuyver, is you will.

  11. 11.

    Angry Black Lady

    @gnomedad: that’s what i suggested! not thinking so much about archimedes, but about how my grandma used to measure crisco and butter by dumping it in a pyrex cup and filling it with water.

    hmmm…

    ::strokes imaginary beard::

  12. 12.

    sfinny

    @asiangrrlMN: Hmm, well maybe it would be easier if I use the mail scale at work which is smaller and liftable. Of course explaining why I am going into my office with the scale and closing the door and the shades may peak my coworkers’ interest.

  15. 15.

    Mark S.

    Stumbled across one of those WaPo “5 Myths About So-and-so,” this one about Reagan. It was weird because most of the “myths” were more true than not, at least in the way Edmund Morris “refuted” them. Myth #1 was that Reagan was a bad actor. Yes, he was a terrible actor but “he was transformed into a superb actor when he took on the roles of governor of California, presidential candidate and president of the United States.” I don’t know how much of a compliment that is.

    Myth #2 is “He was but a “celluloid soldier” in World War II”:

    It’s true that Reagan spent virtually all the war years flying a desk at the First Motion Picture Unit, USAAF, in Culver City. But that hardly means he did not passionately want to fight for his country overseas.

    It won’t be long before passionately wanting to fight is considered more heroic than actually fighting because that’s what most Republicans do.

    The rest of it isn’t too bad, but I like how Morris “explodes” the myth that Reagan was a dunce:

    Yeah, right, Clark Clifford. Ronald Reagan only performed successfully in six different careers: radio sportscaster, movie actor, trade union president, corporate spokesman, two-term governor and two-term president of the United States. Lucky for him he wasn’t hampered by Jimmy Carter’s intelligence!

    I thought he just said Reagan was a crappy actor, and does it take any brains to be a corporate spokesman? One could argue Reagan’s entire career was that of a corporate spokesman.

  17. 17.

    General Stuck

    “How much does a breast weight?”

    Can’t tell you how many nights sleep i’ve lost pondering this question. Though counting purdy sheeps, can usually summon the sandman.

  18. 18.

    The Dangerman

    Wouldn’t it be easier to do a simple volumetric measurement and then multiply by the density of said specimen?

  19. 19.

    WyldPirate

    You just ain’t quite right,are you ABL? ;)

    And you’re embarrassing me. How would you women feel if the boys started having a tallywacker measuring session on here and discussed that, hmmmm?

  20. 20.

    Ash Can

    How much does a boob weigh? Good question. And yes, I’m sure that there’s a pretty wide range. Rush Limbaugh, for example, would certainly weigh about the same as at least two Scott Walkers.

  23. 23.

    Comrade Mary

    After many, many attempts with the kitchen scale:

    Right: 5 ounces. Left: 7 ounces. So all together, 2 B cups equals 3 quarter pounders. I think.

  27. 27.

    The Dangerman

    @WyldPirate:

    How would you women feel if the boys started having a tallywacker measuring session…

    I’ll get right to it; hang on…

  29. 29.

    TooManyJens

    @WyldPirate:

    And you’re embarrassing me. How would you women feel if the boys started having a tallywacker measuring session on here and discussed that, hmmmm?

    What do you mean, “started”? Isn’t that what half the flamewars on the internet are, metaphorically speaking?

    Also, too, I’d still rather read that than more updates on Charlie Sheen’s insanity. I’m looking at you, Twitter.

  30. 30.

    Turbulence

    Weighing them while they’re attached is tough. It is a lot easier to weigh them when they’re not attached, or better yet, weigh a synthetic pair. Amazon says that a size 36C pair of silicone breastforms weighs about 1.2 pounds each and a pair of 38Fs weigh about 3 pounds each.

  31. 31.

    Carnacki

    IF anyone has the correct guess, are we not going to be slightly suspicious that person is a methodical serial killer who has OCD?

    Or maybe I’m the only macabre one?

  32. 32.

    The Dangerman

    @Mark S.:

    Well, what’s the density of a breast?

    As I watched Bo Derek in 10, I was considering the viscosity and coefficient of restitution of a breast; density, not so much.

    As a first approximation, I’d use the weight of a silicone implant.

  33. 33.

    Comrade Mary

    @Turbulence: Yeah, I’m doing my best to rest all the appropriate tissue on the scale, but my Cooper’s ligaments are contributing to loft, so it’s really hard to say. The old hand test says they’re about a pound each.

  34. 34.

    TooManyJens

    @Jim, Once:

    BTW, I love it that the current message at the top of the page is “Lighten up, Francis.”

    I’ve got “Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.”

    …I can’t argue.

  35. 35.

    Erlking

    “How much does a breast weight?”

    Exactly the right amount. Every.single.one.
    It’s the damnedest thing.

  36. 36.

    WyldPirate

    @TooManyJens:

    What do you mean, “started”? Isn’t that what half the flamewars on the internet are, metaphorically speaking?

    I was wondering how long it would take for someone to smack that fat, hanging curveball out. ;)

    “That water’s cold…and deep, too”.

  41. 41.

    hamletta

    @Genine: But what about “a pint’s a pound the world around”?

    ABL, thank you. I haven’t heard this song in years. My friends and I spent many happy hours listening to her comedy/Sophie Tucker tribute album in the ’80s:

    So Harold says, Sophie, ya got no tits and a tight box. So I says, get off my back, Harold!”

    Madonna…Like a virgin…touched for the very first time…. The very first time today!

    Good times. We were also fond of dramatic readings of Penthouse Forum letters. The girl who taught little deaf children would interpret in ASL. If I ever have to communicate with a deaf person, I can say “fuck.”

  46. 46.

    MattR

    @The Dangerman: I knew that was the Tacoma Narrows without clicking. When I saw that in HS it may have become the craziest thing I had ever seen up to that point in my life.

  47. 47.

    MikeJ

    @Roger Moore: @Genine: A pint’s a pound the whole world ’round. Until we start talking about imperial pints v american pints. In which case your Kenyan upbringing makes you biased against real pints.

  49. 49.

    Roger Moore

    @MikeJ:
    Sorry, dude, but I’m an analytical chemist. I’m used to balances that measure to the nearest 10 micrograms and mass spectrometers that measure m/z to better than part per million accuracy, so that “pint’s a pound” shit just doesn’t fly. Besides, a kilogram’s a liter in metric, much neater.

  53. 53.

    MikeJ

    @Roger Moore: In Engerland, a place that sells petrol in litres, you dare not go into the pub and asked for a litre of beer.

    And don’t try getting decent cocktail either. Fucking heathens.

  54. 54.

    Regular Reader

    Um, the average weight for a female African Elephant is 2.5 – 4 tons. Unless we’re talking about the Elephantine version of Chesty Morgan here, your source is very mistaken.

  56. 56.

    hamletta

    @The Dangerman: That’s just what my tired old Target bras looked like!

    Speaking of tits, my boss insulted me by asking my co-worker to put together a Web form.

    This after I sent him, at his request, an extensive narrative of my years of experience building databases, Web sites, and database-backed Web sites a few weeks ago.

    The narrative was in pursuit of a job as a database builder/analyst, which I can rock the shit out of.

    Obviously, he didn’t consider me because my tits are too big. ;-)

    Should I tell him I’m insulted? Or just rock the job?

    I tend toward the latter, because it’s my way (to be underpaid).

    Should I tell him that I know he didn’t read what he asked me to send him, otherwise, he would have come straight to me?

    Sorry to get all srs, but this seemed a better open thread to post my plaint about womanly workplace issues.

  57. 57.

    MattR

    @gnomedad: Now I am getting all teary eyed thinking of those days before I worked from home when I would actually see and speak to other people.

    @hamletta: I am absolutely the wrong person to ask because my initial response is always extreme sarcasm. And as I mentioned above, I have been working from home for quite a while now so my office politics skills are rusty at best.

  58. 58.

    MikeJ

    @gnomedad: I thought that why postal scales existed. “Whoa, check her out! It would cost a fortune just to get ’em to Peroia!”

  60. 60.

    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland

    Thank you ABL! This thread is great and I’m not going to go weigh mine because …. well, just because.

    And I love the Bette Midler number.

  61. 61.

    Chris

    @gnomedad: That’s the right method, but note that breast tissue is less dense than water (i.e., they float). :-) Interestingly, the exact density varies (sometimes quite a lot) and the variation is significant in terms of things like mammography and breast cancer and so on. There’s no clear and precise correspondence though, which is why there’s no standard density test as part of one’s medical screening…

  62. 62.

    hamletta

    @MattR: You’re very kind. I’m a small-org, punk-rock DIY person trying to function in a large corporation, and I’m so clueless.

  63. 63.

    Joseph Nobles

    Re: the recent breast milk ice cream controversy.

    Is there any other kind of milk?

  64. 64.

    MattR

    @hamletta: Well, without knowing specifics like how long you have been there and how much you need the job, my suggestion would be to let it slide without comment, but file it away to see if it becomes part of a pattern (either of sexism or just of piss poor management). If you have the time and it looks like your coworker is struggling with the task (or some part of it), I would see if they need any help. In my limited experience I have found that bosses learn quite a bit about a new employee as a result of conversations they have with other employees who have more contact with the new person. (I have both been formally asked my opinion of a new co-worker after we travelled onsite together to install our software and I know that it has come up in informal conversations over lunch, dinner, drinks, etc.)

    EDIT: Not to be all doom and gloom, it is quite possible that this is something the two of you will laugh about a few years from now after you two get on the same page.

  65. 65.

    Zuzu's Petals

    All I know is that I was talking to a buxom friend once while she was soaking in the bathtub, and I noticed her (100% natural) boosies were actually floating. In opposite directions.

  66. 66.

    Amir_Khalid

    On the weighing of breasts: would the proposed methods work for man-boobs as well? If so, would any of the male commenters here be prepared to, um, weigh in on the subject?

    @Joseph Nobles: The only “controversial” thing about it is that the milk is from humans i.e. women. Which made me think of milk kinship.

  67. 67.

    gnomedad

    @MattR:

    Now I am getting all teary eyed thinking of those days before I worked from home when I would actually see and speak to other people.

    I still prefer having windows and control, but yeah, it gets lonely.

  68. 68.

    suzanne

    Ive always wanted to make a plaster cast of my boobs. That seems like it would be the best way: make a mold, fill it with water or silicone caulking, then weigh it.

    I should to it anyway, so I can remember what having F-cup boobs was like after I get ’em reduced.

  70. 70.

    hamletta

    @Joseph Nobles: No, dear, there is not. However, the idea of human milk as a commodity is more than a little disturbing, so I prefer people to be squicked out.

    @MattR: Actually, my co-worker and my other co-worker immediately said, “We don’t know shit about this (and another chimed in with my nickname, “Google”). You need to talk to hamletta.” It’s just the manager who’s clueless.

    Thanks, though, for affirming what I was probably going to do anyway: Do it the way it needs to be done, and Devil take the hindmost.

    @gnomedad: I about lost my mind working alone from home. I’m still recovering.

  71. 71.

    Uncle Clarence Thomas

    .
    .

    Yes, I’m in a silly silly mood, Balloonbaggers.

    Now that brings a tear of validation from the original Coke Brotha’s eye.
    .
    .

  73. 73.

    Joseph Nobles

    @hamletta: Oh, I look askance at the idea of human milk being made into ice cream myself, but I also find that looking askance absurd. I find myself absurd quite a lot, being human.

  75. 75.

    Yutsano

    @suzanne:

    I should to it anyway, so I can remember what having F-cup boobs was like after I get ‘em reduced.

    Your popularity on this blog just increased by a factor of ten. I however am immune to the powers of jubleys.

  76. 76.

    hamletta

    @Joseph Nobles: Oh, the ice cream doesn’t bother me. I’d just hate its becoming a “food trend,” where poor women are turned into wet nurses for obnoxious foodies.

  77. 77.

    S. cerevisiae

    @suzanne: If nothing else you could sell millions of them on teh internet. I predict they will be very popular.

  80. 80.

    Yutsano

    @Tattoosydney: There are simply too many variables to calculate accurately. I choose not to concern myself with such matters and just enjoy what is about.

    Hi hon.

  81. 81.

    SRW1

    @gnomedad:

    Man you deperived so many dudes from eagerly offering their assistance to solve this riddle that you are directly going to the ninth circle for it.

  84. 84.

    notjenna

    Good times. We were also fond of dramatic readings of Penthouse Forum letters. The girl who taught little deaf children would interpret in ASL. If I ever have to communicate with a deaf person, I can say “fuck.”

    It’s likely that many here are among the 1,349,811 views of this instructional vid but I’ve watched it four or five times now and it’s hilarious every time.

  85. 85.

    Yutsano

    @Angry Black Lady: Hmmm…smart, intelligent, beautiful barred attorney versus fake troll on Internet with unfunny nom de Internet. That doesn’t even come close to screaming fair fight to me.

  87. 87.

    Yutsano

    @Angry Black Lady: Don’t get me wrong, I find the whole affair quite popcorn-worthy. I would pay good bread for you to have a troll to clash with that was worthy of your talents however. That show would indeed be quite epic.

  91. 91.

    Teri

    @ ABL I go away for sunny fun filled vacay and come back to weighing boobs! I guess I miss all the fun!
    Just in the name of science, or hormonal psychosis, when I was breast feeding my youngest, I did use my kitchen scale and weigh each of my breasts before and after (and in the interest of science weighed him, always the empiricist and I recorded it in his baby book) Pre feed R 4.5 lbs, L 5. 25 lbs, post feed R 3.75 lbs, L 4. 65 lbs. Baby pre feed 8 lbs 8 oz, post feed 8lbs 14 oz (plus 1 wet and soiled diaper which I didn’t weigh to keep scale clean) The things you do when you are hormonal.

  93. 93.

    Teri

    Yeah, I can go there. When I went back to work with my oldest, I tried different formulas to find one that would taste similar until I could get enough pumped milk stored. I worked overnight shift in ER and whenever crying babies came in….let us just say wardrobe change

  94. 94.

    Ruckus

    We should all rejoice that every once in a while ABL’s evil twin Silly Black Lady shows up.

    A kitchen scale, $25, a hearty laugh, priceless.

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